I was reading yunxian's blog about how it sucks to feel completely incompetent. Believe me girl, you are not alone. I've been feeling like that the whole week. Why am I here? I dont know as much as the others. Im new, yes. But I hate not being in the know. I am not as sharp. Im not as knowledgeable. Why am I doing here?

So that's work. Ive been doing mini things here and there...and I got my first weekend work to do because someone didnt tell me she needed her stuff by monday morning sooner. ah well. Thinking about the money helps :D

Well, there are so many things to blog about. Nudgie's back in auzzie...but he'll be back in 3 months time for a whopping 3 months break so yay!

Other than that, I can only remember a few things that happened to me the last couple of weeks. I slip and fell down the flight of staircase outside gv marina and the only way to break the fall was to hook my arm to the rail...and so I ended up with a bruise I named bruce. I took some lovely pictures which I'll put up another time :D

Im going to lunch now! I guess I'll resume blogging another time. Happy weekend!

END POST~12.31pm

Commencement came and went. Just like prom, the highlight of the night was taking photos with friends :) Seriously, the ceremony was uneventful. The guest speaker and the valedictorian gave awful and uninspiring speeches, so much so that I wanted to grab the mike from them and deliver a better one. I think we all deserved that. What irks me even more is that the valedictorian wasnt even from psych. She was some el/lit major, who, by the way, probably embarassed the dept for she was truly not what one would expect from a el/lit graduate, first class no less. Pardon me for being critical, but I do think that someone from psych should be the one up there, given that majority of us were from psych. Or at least someone who can articulate well and can show a bit more enthusiasm in his/her speech. And everybody knows that one should NEVER inject more than 2 quotes in any speech. She inserted countless quotes, and, as if to show that she's well rounded or smt, she gave quotes in english, german, french, jap and korean...and she quoted shakespeare (Wah) twice or 3 times. We were all rolling our eyes by then. And she was super blur at the end when she was supposed to give the cue to throw our hats up. So in the end, the ceremony ended with balloons and streamers but no flying hats. Boo.

But other than that, I had a great time snapping pictures here and there. And the event was made memorable because my loved ones were present... :) Despite the fact that the ceremony ended around 9 plus-10, everyone's mood was high, chatting, catching up and taking pictures again and again. How often would we all be at the same place again?

That said, thank you so much nudgie for taking pictures the whole night :) I've uploaded them on fcebk.

Work wise, I was able to speak to my team mates a few days ago over lunch..about lunch. It was just the 3 of us so we had a lovely chit-chat and I think I kinda bonded with them :) So everything's looking up at last! Work's coming in at a steady pace too and they've asked me if Im willing to start working on a project. I think I might be ready but I told them I'd think about it. :)

I calculated that in the last 3 weeks since I started working, Ive spent a whopping $750 bucks. The downer is that I wont be getting my pay till August cos I joined after the 'window period'. Right. SIGH. Which means, Im going to be a miser for the next few weeks else I deplete my savings.

But before that, Im going to blanja my family dinner cos im supposed to get my pay and I dont want to wait till august since my dad is flying off so yeap..im digging into my life savings yet again.

B and I had an adventure-packed day yesterday. We went to sungai buloh and then to night safari. Ive never been to these places so Im really glad we went! :) SB is a lovely place to go if you want to get away from humans. NS on the other hand...it was so crowded so much so that tranquility we enjoyed and took away from SB was disrupted. But it was fun anyways, sitting on the tram, enjoying the view and the animals...and the live show was superbly entertaining.

Till next week, have a lovely evening :)

END POST~5.20pm

OFF DAY!

Wah, it's so shiok to wake up at 9am instead of 6.30am, especially with the cool, rainy weather! I miss being a bum.

Commencement tonight at 8pm and I'm a little bit nerved up. Why? Because there's so many things to do. I'm not anxious about the ceremony but everything else. I have to make sure my family members arent bored as I take pictures with my friends. I have to make sure I find my friends in the possible chaos that ensues after the ceremony. I have to ensure that najib and farhana arent bored. AND I have to look good. Stress!

Breathe. Everything will work out well. It's my day. Breathe. :D

Please God, I dont want to fall on stage :P

END POST~10.49am

Home early today! :D Feels good to come home early to a hearty meal too.

Mel's commencement today so cheryl and I made our way to ucc. Mel was so happy :) Congrats dear!

And today was baby's results. CONGRATS nudgie baby! Alhamdulillah :D My darling's a genius eh? :)

Alright, Im going to unwind...ah...home...

END POST~7.49pm

Week 2 and I feel like I've picked up quite a bit. I was given a few tasks-thank God- so I wasn't too bored with work. Im actually looking forward to get into the thick of things. Come on, pile me up with tasks. Make me busy so I wont have to lunch!

Lunch. I used to love lunching cos it offers an escape-from classes, etc and you know, it's super relaxing. But now? I actually hate it. On workdays, of course. For several reasons
1) It's some unspoken rule that everyone in the team would lunch together. ??. including the bosses.... ?!?!
2) I'm still trying to find some common ground with them and it's taking longer than usual. I'm a people person. But seriously, this bunch is taking super super long to warm up..SIGH. But at least I see progress, altho, even among themselves, there are awkward silences.
3) I'm a creature of habit. I like to eat at the same place most of the time-and eat the same thing. It saves me the trouble of thinking...which brings me to..
4) YES, I EAT ONLY HALAL FOOD. And because of that, I feel horrible every lunch time because I feel it's MY fault that they cant eat wherever they want or that they have to take extra effort to make sure I can eat with them. Which in turn, only serves to remind me that it's because of me. me. me.

There are 2 ways to reconcile this:
1) Dont force me to eat with you guys cos im totally fine eating alone. Really, please dont feel bad. Im happier that way. Besides, I'm dying to try the cafeteria which they have been avoiding (dunno why..i mean they sell bao-s! I LOVE bao-s).
2) I can ta pao lunch and eat wherever you guys wanna eat. Im totally cool la.

In sum, dont make such a big deal out of it because it only makes me feel worse. I mean, just do what you guys wanna do and I'll try ways to get round it. Take for eg fri. They ate at some hawker place and I bought tea and some pastry from the confectionary nearby. I was perfectly contented with my meal...except when they kept asking me if thats all im eating. So in turn I had to cook up a lie saying Im full..had a heavy breakfast etc so long as they shuddup.

Hm. Yeah, I think I'll do that. I'll have a super duper heavy breakfast and then for lunch, I think I'll just snack on fruits or sandwiches I pack from home.

And hopefully, work will start piling so I can skip lunch altogether!! :D

And woot! Fasting month is coming!!! :D :D :D

Other than the social aspect of work, I'm actually quite proud of myself because I made a suggestion and my boss said it's a good one and that it might be implemented! :D Aiya, very minor la. But it's given me the confidence to just speak my mind. Besides, it's my first few weeks and my first job. I think I deserve being an office idiot! :)

So that would be my personal work motivation for the year: Think, Question, Push, Change.

Work aside, I find myself too tired to sit in front of the pc/laptop to blog. It's the travelling and early mornings, I tell you. So heh, my weekend posts will be quite long from now on :)

Nudgie's back and we've been spending time together. He's so skinny now...need to fatten him up! Other than that, I had a therepeutic meet-up with pema a couple of days ago, and I went down for the psych camp for a senior-junior sharing session, where I met so many people I havent met in ages. It was a very nice feeling, coming down to nus after work and seeing other friends who came from work too. Then a few of us had supper and just started talking about nothing and everything. I miss these kinds of meet ups.

My dad's birthday was on fri and it was, at least from my point of view, an emo one. I nearly cried when my nenek doa-ed. Okay, my nenek has this way of really doa-ing. Anyway, my dad has been posted overseas and he'll be leaving in a couple of weeks time. The last time he worked away from home was when I was 3-4. So I gave him a webcam so in that way, we can still keep in touch! In fact, I was just teaching him how to use it on msn! :)

Tomorrow is my parent's 31st wedding anniversary. They got married on 7/7/77. So nice right? :) Alhamdulillah, my family has been so blessed. And farhana is coming home for good tmr too! Then on wed, its my commencement and I applied for leave so I'm off!! :)

END POST~2.06pm

Hello :)

I've been away for a while, havent I? I was settling down and getting used to the work-sleep schedule.

Work's alright I suppose. The people are nice although they're somewhat intimidating, in that they're super 'on' about work and they know so much...and they speak proper English. SIGH. So I find myself having to make a concerted effort in picking the right words and phrasing my sentences properly when talking to them. So tiring, can? Thank GOD I have cheryl to listen to my outbursts of singlish.

So I got my work area. Quite a roomy cubicle and Im issued with a new laptop. On the bright side, I'm situated near the corner of the office and so not that very many people would walk past me. Plus it isnt as cold as other parts of the building. On the downside, I cant access hotmail and other fun stuff, although there's wireless sg and computer terminals in the lobbies so I can access these sites from there.

Spent the entire week familiarising myself with the org and the job functions. Meetings, readings...and my very first report writing. It's quite scary to be doing real work. I'm just so scared Im gonna screw up. I mean, if I screw up my grades, its my problem..but this...this is different. Anyway, I guess I just need to believe in myself a bit more. I got chosen for this job for a reason. I must be in some way competent enough for them to hire me.

Collected my gown a couple of days ago. I agree with karina about how reminiscent collecting the gown was to matriculation 4 years ago. Time flies! :) Family's gonna take a picture together in our respective gowns tomorrow.

Went to the physio today. He cracked my back real good. Quite satisfying. And he thought me some exercises to activate my lower back muscles. Apparently, I've been pivoting on the upper portion of my lower back such that the lower lower ones arent really maximally used. And hurrah, I found out my physio fees could be subsidised by the org i work for! :)

After physio, I went shopping with sis. 3 tops and yet another pair of shoes...and I havent even gotten my first pay. Ah, but clothes/shoes are essential for a working lady, no?

Then, we went to see my dad perform. My dad is super cool la :)

And my darling's back! He landed about 45 mins ago safe and sound. Alhamdulillah. I actually cant quite believe he's back. He called from the airport.. but you know, he's been calling lately anyway...I think once I see him, I'll believe it. :)

Welcome home, baby! :D

END POST~12.20am

I dont know whether to feel sad or anxious. But im dreading tomorrow, thats for sure.

The next phase of life. Work.

I've become so accustomed to the bum of a life Ive had for the past couple of months. And in the larger scheme of things, for the past 4 years. The last time I had to consistently wake up 5 days in a row before sunrise was jc. From tmr? No more rolling around in bed. No more waking up and sleeping as and when i please on weekdays..all the way till Im next unemployed or retired.

And travelling all the way to b.vista? That is enough of a turn off. People say, think about the money and I'll feel better. I suppose as soon as I get my first paycheck then I'll feel motivated. Or by some amazing miracle, work is enjoyable.

How can work be enjoyable? It's work. Plus I'll have to be conscious of making a positive first impression or else suffer the rest of the year righting wrong impressions of me. So as you can tell, Im psyching myself up to have zero or negative expectations so I'll feel super happy if its otherwise.

Oh sigh. Ok ok ok. Think positive farah. I'm employed! So...

Insha-Allah, tomorrow, I will be able to start my career on a positive note. Insha-Allah, I'll have the strength and capacity to be an efficient, productive and happy worker. Insha-Allah, I'll have a positive impact on the people around me. Insha-Allah, my life will continue to be as wonderful as it is now, if not more :)

Amin.

END POST~7.50pm

Went for a walk. It hurts. My hips hurts. Every step I take, it feels like someone is stabbing me, pinching my nerves. How am I going to go to work? Or wear heels???

I guess I have to go back to taking painkillers.

Two weeks already. Ive had enough. This is depressing.

END POST~5.11pm

Atonement is depressing. Kungfu panda is funny. The Happening had to potential to be an excellent movie had it not been for the ending, or lack of it. Environmentalists would most certainly love this show.

Not much of a review eh? Oh, Ive watched almost every movie there is. I just hadnt bothered to review them because...I cant remembered what Ive seen. Lets see..Ive watched all of jane austen's movie adaptations (sense and sensibility, mansfield park, persuasion, emma, northanger abbey) except P&P since ive watched it before. Ive watched jane eyre (bronte) as well. Ive watched narnia, what stays in vegas, just like heaven, the family stone, stargate (i stopped halfway because it was awful), terminator-the sarah conner chornicles., v for vendetta, august rush, mona lisa smile, little women, sex and the city, indiana jones, never been kissed (again) ..and im pretty darn sure if you jog my memory by naming me films, I can tell you ive watched it. Well, at least 70% of the time. All I know is that I average 3 movies/day.

Hm. What else should I watch..

Oh. 2 days of freedom left and my back is aching a lot more all thanks to thursday.

END POST~12.48pm

I just watched Penelope. Entertaining and touching..such a feel good fairy-tale like movie. I havent seen a christina richie movie in ages. And I think I have found myself an actor to look out for in movies. James Mcavoy. I first saw him in Becoming Jane and now this. Incredible actor. He can change his heavily scottish accent so convincingly to suit the character he plays. And his roles...so charming la. Melt. He's not handsome or anything but his eyes...so captivating. He acted in Atonement and the last king of scotland and people have been raving about these movie. Ive been delaying watching the movie cos they seem depressing but in time I will watch it la. Oh! And he's acting in Wanted. I think i'll catch that at the cinema once b comes home (next week! :))

Im a fan of james mcavoy! :)

Yup, watch Penelope! Reese witherspoon makes a cameo in such an unlikely role :) I give this movie 5 out of 5 because I really wasnt expecting it to be that good.

PS: No kidding?! He was the fawn in narnia!
END POST~12.09pm

I broke my self-imposed home confinement twice this week. I went swimming on Tues (it felt amazing to be weightless in water. Super relaxing. Plus, I think im perfecting my backstroke :)), Bailed on a meet up with cheryl, jee and mel (sorry) on wed cos I needed to recover from tue's activity. On hindsight, maybe I ought not have gone swimming. Then today, I went for my first physio consultation. The guy is good la. Super friendly and helpful. He did a thorough assessment and concluded that I suffer an acute back pain and that the muscles are on its way to recovery, although a bit of inflammation remains and the mechanical pain may persist for 4-6 weeks. The other painful part is that it is super expensive per session. And if what farhana say is true, that usually, it would take 8 sessions, then bye bye to any gym/yoga/pilates membership for the next year or more.

Met my sis and yx there. :) I realise that most of my dear ones are working at the same place! Sis brought me around and had lunch with me. I talked to her about dying my hair cos work, yes, WORK STARTS NEXT MONDAY, and my roots are showing and all. She convinced me to go today because after all, Im out of the house, so might as well, instead of dragging myself out another day instead of resting. So I dragged myself down and ended up sitting for 5 1/2 hours. I kept wriggling in my seat cos i was hurting sitting so long. But no choice.

Anyway, the result? Im amazed. I mean, I havent seen my hair this dark in ages. I suppose its almost the color of my natural hair. I mean I loved my blond streaks but Im in for a change, so Bam! Its now brownish-black with (currently non-visible) dark red streaks. Red. Gosh. Ive always stayed clear of red cos I have this image of aunties whenever I think of reddish hair. I told this to the hairdresser who recommended the color and he promptly retorted "Auntie??? Its not the color, its the person" or smt to that effect. Ok la.

Anyway, my hip hurts from all the sitting. Im going to lie down as much as possible for the next couple of days. And apply a hot pack twice a day :)

END POST~10.19pm

I went to batam with the family over the weekend. Ok la. It was everything I expected it to be. Which was, not much. The only reason the one hour journey there is worthwhile is because of the incredible rendang which I am convinced is the best rendang Ive ever had in my life. Addictive too. Basically, food and lodging is cheap but there really isnt much to do there. Shopping isnt as good as bkk or spore especially since its now the gss. So go there for food.

And sigh, my back pain is persisting. It's nearly been 10 days so Im going to seek physiotherapy this time. It is taking too long to heal and I resent feeling disabled. How am I to sit for long periods of time when I start work next week? I cannot risk having another onset. Alhamdulillah, I can walk and all but I want to be completely cured.

I want to be healthy. I want to be able to run again. My body is aging faster than I am :(

END POST~10.03pm

I cant believe that I can access the net from my hp! It has wlan which is perfect because now, I can check my emails without having to switch my laptop or pc on. How awesome is that?

I'll also be blog from any wireless hotspots. In fact, I did create an extremely long post on the phone but I must have pressed something because before I knew it, i was logged off.

I LOVE my new SE G900. It has everything I was looking for in a phone and I've been waiting for it to come out for so long. While it looks non-descript, believe me, its functions definitely makes the phone worth every dime I paid for.It is, incidentally, the most ex phone Ive ever owned. It's like a PDA phone with a 5 megapix camera and a music player. I mean 5.0 megapix? I wont need a camera when Im out. There's word, powerpoint, adobe, excel...

:)

Anyway, I've been out of action for the last few days. Remember the back sprain I suffered from about 2 years ago? Well, it hit me again on saturday and this time, the pain was 5 times worse. It was horrible. I could hardly move. I couldnt even shift in bed without screaming. I couldnt even stand for more than 5 secs. But I'm feeling a whole lot more mobile today, Alhamdulillah. I can stand, I can walk, but I still cant sit for more than 10 mins and sneezing/hiccuping hurts a little. So, I'm still downing painkillers and anti-inflammation pills.

Because of my suay-ness, I couldnt participate in the run on sun. I was extremely disappointed. But I was in too much pain to feel sad so I got over it rather quickly. So my sis had to run by herself and Im so proud of her! It's alright. There are plenty of other runs! I was reading the papers this morning and Im still undecided which run I should take part in. But one thing's for sure, I do want to complete a 10k run by this year.

As for now, I need rest. I'm still trying to find out why the sudden sprain. Could it have been my sleeping position? Could it have been my knee- I was so focused on resting my knee that I sprained my back? Either way, I dont ever want the sprain to return. Take care of your backs everyone. It really is one of the most important muscles in your entire body.

END POST~2.06pm

test!

I watched V for vendetta (finally!) and August Rush. And the ENTIRE series of Terminator-TSCC. From 2pm-is till 6am yesterday.

WHOA. What a rush. I'll do my reviews later. Just woke up.

END POST~1.32pm

I'm usually patriotic. But not when it come to sports. Im referring to the sg-uzbek debacle on mon. Now, a huge disclaimer: I am not a fan of soccer. I do not understand the game. I do no profess to even fathom why people are obsessed about it but nevertheless, I do respect their love for the sport. But that's not the point. I found myself rooting for the uzbeks for several reasons. 1) They are rather good looking 2) I have the impression that their country is poorer than ours 3) Their players are all local players. And yet they triumphed!

With every goal they scored, my spirits soared. Spore soccer big shots need a hugemongous slap in the faces. World cup 2010 my butt. When that dunno-which person i/c predicted that years ago, my toes almost fell off laughing. Then they spent money hiring 'talents'.

Balik kampung la. I feel zero sense of attachment to a team that has so many non-sporean people. Give me a team of mats and ah bengs playing and you will see me physically at the stadium. Send the best soccer team from the inter-sch games (like vj's soccer team) and I'll be there.

Send a bunch of people who unintentionally but nevertheless exude seemingly different interests in winning and fans wouldnt bother.

And I dont buy the whole we-need-those-talent-to-up-our standards crap. Let the locals play.Fuel their passion. Granted, allow those 'talents' in the domestic league. But NOT IN THE NATIONAL TEAM. The locals need to be exposed. Do not compromise letting the locals play just for the sake of winning. Where is the authencity in winning for spore if the key players arent even sporeans? What glory? I feel nothing. I am not moved. And Im sure others arent as well.

And please. You can argue all you want about the meaning of being a national. Of course, there's a politically correct way of defining one and yadda yadda yadda. But I think the best definition is probably the tacit consensus of the 'man on the street'.

END POST~12.03pm

Day 2 of home confinement. I'm getting a bit fidgety because the weather is perfect for a run. Must. Not. Run.

And of late, I've been thinking of self-indulgences! I just feel like pampering myself. The question is, how? It used to be food. Then it was the high after each run. But now? Hm. The urge to splurge is creeping up from inside. But Im not quite sure what to splurge on.

END POST~4.50pm

Self diagnosis: I've gotten myself a lateral collateral ligament injury.

Initial treatment of an LCL injury includes ice to the area, elevation of the joint above the level of the heart, non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs), and limited physical activity until the pain and swelling subside. A hinged knee immobilizer should be used to protect the ligament as it heals. The extent of this type of injury is usually excessive stretching of the ligament causing the pain and tenderness. -http://www.umm.edu/imagepages/8839.htm

Which means, Im out of action in the next couple of days. Just in case.

END POST~2.44am

Ok, I removed an earlier post cos I think it's no longer needed. I am appeased :)

Moving on, I just came back from a run. It's such a cold night. But what's worse, I think I may have busted my knees and ankle when I did the 10k. I shouldnt have pulled a rambo like that on Wed. So today, I had to cut the run short or I might strain my joints even more.

Where's farhana? I need my fav physio :P

Collected my runner's kit for next sun. So many people. Young and old!

My sis and I have this fear that the organisers would pack up even before we reach the end. Haha. Let's hope that wont happen. One week's time! I cant believe it. Insha-Allah, I'd recover by then!

END POST~10.00pm

I love my life and I'm ever so grateful for it.

Im at a point in my life which I can call...perfect.

What's there not to be perfect? I have a such a loving family. I have a roof over my head and food and water are within reach. I'm healthy. I live in such a safe country. I have a small number of, but highly intimate, friendships with buddies from all walks of life. I have the degree I've been working so hard to earn. I have a career-a well paying one by my standards. I have...everything! And the icing on the cake of my perfect life? I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world.

And I owe it all to Allah. Alhamdulillah for everything. I am just blessed :)

(Haha..I just told my dad about how i feel my life is perfect and he started singing a self-composed song "Oh lord it's hard to be humble...when you have everything...oh lord it's hard to be humble...la la lal" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. He sang it to the tune of some folk song :) He's just reminded me to Syukur Alhamdulillah)

*Big Smile* ALHAMDULILLAH!!!!!!

END POST~12.06pm

Alhamdulillah
Allahu-akbar. Allahu-akbar. Allahu-akbar.

~END POST~10.35am

I did it! 10 kilometers non-stop!

*Victory jiggle*

This is such a psych/esteem boost given D-day is in about 10 days. Next, I need to get used to the morning sun!

Im so proud of myself. And im so proud of my sis too! She had to stop because of a blister but she pushed on!

*Hug self*

END POST~10.36pm

I'm going to blog about the previous days. I find my memory of them ebbing away anyways.

Let's see. On wed, I met S, my science aka 'breadth' buddy. I like spending time with her. She's witty, warm and so chirpy that you cant help but feel a tonne happier being with her. We went to orchard to eat at this place which serves delicious indonesian food. I'm so pleased that cum 1st June, I wouldnt have to travel all the way to town to have my fix of indo food because they're opening an outlet at tamp mall! :) So after treating her to her very belated birthday meal, we went around running our respective errands.

Thursday. My mom's birthday :) I didnt want her to cook on her birthday so I volunteered to cook nasi beryani for her and Alhamdulillah, it turned out pretty yummy. I took some pics of it but they're in my other comp so maybe next time. I'm really glad it turned out the way it was supposed to. Like I say, cooking is actually very very easy. If anyone has taken chemistry in school and can competently follow lab procedures, cooking should come naturally to them. But what is not easy, however, is taste. And for that, one needs skill. Like my nenek says..it's in the tangan. And Insha-Allah, I think im on my way to honing that skill :)

Friday. Jammed pack day. Deliberately so, though. In the morning, I went for a pre-employment med check up. I have said this to so many people already but I cant help it. I HATE pee-ing in a cup. And people i've spoken to would probably know what my next statement is going to be. If you think your life sucks, think of the people who have to analyse pee and what not for a living. That said, I had expected better service since this clinic is an offshoot of a certain private hospital. Instead, there was nothing fantastic! The staff were as gruffy as those in the polyclinics. Goes to show, money doesnt guarantee good service.

And then I headed home and scrubbed myself clean. I have a tiny revelation to make. I'm a little bit OCD. After any hospital/clinic visit, I'd shower myself even if I'd shower before leaving. I cant help but think of all the germs and other microbes that would definitely linger in a place where sick people are. In fact, I very rarely visit the toilets there too. Alright, in general, I shower quite often in the day because I like to feel fresh and clean and germ-free. So I shower before leaving home and I absolutely must shower when I reach home. Why? Because more often than not, when taking public transport, Im pretty sure people would have brushed past you. And these people could have come from anywhere! They could even have not showered for days, etc. Sweaty teenage boys after school, etc! Eek! And how about eating outside? When you prop your elbows on the table? Do you actually think those table are that clean? Ok. Enough of this.

Then, I met one of the loveliest people of all, my buddy Pema :) She was so elegantly dressed that day. Just thinking about her brings a smile to my face. She's my gal pal. Says it all doesnt it? Gal pal :) After lunch, we watched Made of Honor. Ok la. It was only worth watching because of patrick demsey. The plot is reminiscent of My best friend's wedding. So you pretty much know what you're in for.

Next, dinner with just and yx. Just was kind enough to treat us. I was so stuffed with lunch and pop corn that all I could muster was a drink. Then we shopped around because it was the first day of Gss. I was overwhelmed by fatigue not long after so we sat at starbucks and just chatted :)

I realise that friday was probably my first meet-up with friends after the exams and the bkk trip.

Saturday. I woke up really late, I think around 12 or 1 because I couldnt fall asleep the night before. Then I received an sms from cheryl. A few hrs later, despite it being a hot, lazy sat afternoon, I found myself out of my house and meeting up with her. The expo sale! We covered the adidas sale, the food fair, the robinson sale (damage was done) and a glimpse of some bag/shoe sale. After that, I headed home and went online to see baby and then he surprised me by calling my hp! He bought an A$10 calling card which allows him to make 3000 minutes worth of calls to me! Yay! :) I'm glad he got it cos I was getting a bit lazy to switch my lap top on. And how nice it is to hear him over the phone..

Sunday. Family day! It started out with a run at east coast. We left home about 8 plus because it was raining earlier in the morning. But by the time we reach ecp, it was scorching hot. I couldnt stand the heat much and goodness, Im just glad I finish what we sought to finish. Then we headed home, and made our preparations for our family movie outing! :) Everyone except mom went because she was working. We watched Indiana Jones :) I guess it was natural to watch it together because growing up, we watched all the 3 installments together, although I have very faint recollections of the first one, being, what? 3-4 yrs when i watched it on tv? Luckily, I managed to catch the first one before watching the latest. What a family show. So clean and wholesome. Ford has definitely aged and his movements are no longer as agile. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. Even though critics have pointed out how plot-less it is and yadda yadda yadda, I cant help but feel that this movie was made for the fans. Quite a lot of references were made to the earlier movies, you see. So if you arent a fan, you wouldnt really quite get it. Take, for example, shia lebouef's name in the movie. It's Mutt. But if you watched the 3rd movie, you'd know that there's something fishy about that name. Haha, it's a dog's nick. Just like how indiana was so called because he hated his given name..and so named himself after his dog. I was apprehensive when I found out that shia was added to the cast. I suspected that his presence was to serve as impetus for the younger audience familiar with him from transformers to watch him in this movie. But he certainly grows on you. I think one of my fav moments in the movie was when the whole jock vs slicks stereotype of the 50s was played up in a cafe scene. Hilarious :) So all in all, it is, on the whole, an entertaining show..But for the fans, its something else. It's filling them in on what our fav archaeologist has been up to years from when we last saw him. And perhaps a ray of hope that a new series would come?

Today. It is my sister's birthday :) Happy birthday! Celebrations are tonight!

END POST~11.52am

I was thinking of blogging because quite a bit has been happening but Ive decided to post the flurry of events including those that will occur in the next couple of days on Wednesday instead. So, till a long post on Wed then :)

Unless I decide to post one earlier la.

END POST~9.23pm

I was huffing into my first k and there she was. The object of my childhood envy. I watched her go by. She was still pretty, slim and now, get this, toned. A lot of slim girls are actually fat and wobbly but not her.

I instictively chuckled to myself as she wooshed past me. Memories of primary school came wafting into my head. How I used to pray everynight I'd be slim and pretty like her. How I was elated to be able to 'break' into the 'in' crowd she belonged to. And then, how she fell from the pedestal I had placed her on because she was a mean mean kid. One day, a bunch of us were walking to the bus stop after school, when suddenly, she fell. Embarassed, she pointed at me, when others asked her what happened. Fumed, confused, hurt, I walked away. I never spoke to her again, despite the fact that she came up to me to apologise in private. Funny how she could shame me in public and then come up to me in person later. Pick on the new guy, eh?
Still, that was primary school. We've both changed I'm sure. So I chuckled at how ridiculous it all was.

Then she wooshed past me again when I was into my 2nd k. I intended to stop at the end of the stretch but something in me pushed me to continue to the usual 4.4. I guess it was because, a huge part of me wanted her toned, legs. Or maybe, seeing her again evoked the green eyed kid. She went past me the third time and my gosh. I felt as if I was being mocked! So I found my legs speeding up despite my protests. No way was I gonna let myself be insulted for the 4th time running! And I wasnt :)

Ya la. She's pretty and fit. But I still have the yummier boyfriend :)
(Hers was trailing behind her)

END POST~12.40pm

Productive Day 1

I'm mighty pleased with myself. Here's what I did today :)

# Cleared my wardrobe. I managed to free 27 hangers (22 after hanging the new clothes) and fill a big bag full of unwanted clothes to donate. It was tough. Such nice colorful t-shirts go bye bye. Every piece of clothing had some memories la. But hurrah, my wardrobe is now roomier and it smells great because I added a lavander scent sachet.

# Cleared my bag shelf and got rid of a couple of unwanted bags.

# Went to the storeroom to hunt for 'unwearable' shoes. Threw 3 pairs and donating 2 pairs. Just nice. Five out and 5 new ones in.

# Cleared my 'barang barang' drawer aka the drawer I put my specs, wallet, and other nic-nacs

# Cleared my wallet of old receipts, outdated membership/discount cards, and other stuff

# Went for a 4.4k run

# Washed the toilet

Productive or what? :)
Next up: Bookshelves. I forsee lots of papers strewn all over the room because massive filing needs to be done.

END POST~10.55pm

That's it. I am going to clear out half my wardrobe tomorrow. I'm running out of space and folding clothes I dont wear instead of hanging them on the rack is not working anymore because the bottom shelf is sinking.


I went shopping today with the sis because she has a couple of weddings to attend so she wanted to get herself some dresses. I tagged along and before I knew it, I bought myself 2 tops. On top of the stuff I bought from bkk. Which is the reason Im motivated to clear away clothes too ugly, too used and too small (I'm a horder. I keep thinking I can fit into them again. But now, if I ever drop to that size again, I'll reward myself with new clothes).

In other news, my dad brought home a typewriter. He claims it'd be worth something one day. Who knows? People are into vintage things these days aren't they :)

Here's some pictures of what it looks like:

Just take a look at how chunky that thing is!

This is how it looks like without the cover. Check out the ribbon and keys.This is my hand, typing. Notice how the metal thingy hits the black ribbon and imprints the letter onto the paper. There's actually a lever on the bottom left which enables the ribbon to move up or down so as to change color from black to red and vice versa. Believe me, while the clunking sound is rather satisfying to hear as each letter is typed, it is extremely tiring. The keys have to be deeply pressed for the imprint to be clear.

Hurrah for computers!

Anyway, I realise that my brain might actually turn into mush without mental stimulation so I've borrowed (although he prefers the word 'stolen') a rubik's cube from my brother and I'm going to attempt to complete it by the time I start work. I'm also thinking of borrowing a few books from the library. Any suggestions?

END POST~11.16pm

I dont even know how Ive managed to pass my saturday by so quickly doing nothing. Ive been feeling like a slob the whole day. My body feels so sore and heavy. Im not sure if its because Im tired and so I need to rest more, or if its because I've been lying down too much. Either way, I hope to snap out of this soon. I wouldnt want to spend the next month this way.

I need to start running and soon. It's 21 days to the run. Need. To. Get. Moving.

END POST~8.58pm

I love it when hot afternoons mellow down to warm evenings :) The sky is really pretty right now. Ahh...it's good to be home. I touched down early this morning, unpacked, and sighed because I missed the hotel's toilet. But now, it just feels so lovely to be home. Lying on my bed, staring at the sky and just typing away on my laptop, enjoying the gentle breeze. Home sweet home!

The bangkok trip was enjoyable. I wrote my experienced in my travel diary so I shan't be typing it here. One thing's for sure, I'm definitely going back :)

PS: I signed it today!

END POST~6.44pm

Undergraduate no more! :)

Alhamdulillah, I survived 16 years of formal education!

And..........ALHAMDULILLAH! I am now employed!

Oh, what a sweet end to a long and memorable journey.
Simply surreal indeed :)

END POST~2.15am

I think there is no worse feeling on the face of the earth than to see my mother cry.

She got bullied by one of her customers. She didnt do anything wrong but the man was so unreasonable that he had to scream at her in front of others. Even the other customers were appalled. Scream at an elderly woman? Scream at my mother? For those of you who know my mom, she is the sweetest and most innocent person ever.

I cant help but want to cry too.

The saying that "the customer is always right" or "the customer is king" should be scrapped.

END POST~7.03pm

Oh my gosh.

I can't get away from research after all, can I?

I was reading for Fridays' exam and I thought of a research paradigm for my masters, if I ever do one. I even came up with an outline in 5 minutes. An OUTLINE!

And I'm getting excited about this. HAHA. This is so bizarre.

END POST~4.21pm

Looking at the photos posted by my peers on facebook, I feel a tinge of regret for not bringing my camera and snapping away my last week of school. Back in sec sch, jc, heck, even primary school, I would enthusiastically document my 'last days'. But not this time. I think it has something to do with the fact that I hate taking photos now. For one, miserable, shallow reason.

IM FAT.

It's depressing. I was looking back at my pictures from 3 years back and I looked so different. Even Najib was shocked.

Ageing sucks. Metabolism decreases and double the amount of effort needs to be put in to burn calories. I've lost 3 kg since last year. THREE? Despite the efforts of almost daily running (except for thesis month).

I just want to fit into my size M again. Why must it be so difficult. And as much as I love to shop, I cant help but feel miserable time and time again when I cant fit into the clothes I like. It's not easy shopping anymore. I used to look at designs, pick it out and try for size. Now I look at sizes available first before anything else. In fact, I've acquired the skill of looking at a shop from outside and knowing whether they have my size or not.

Doesnt help that salespersons can be rather insensitive too.

If I could go back in time, to 3-4 years ago, I'd tell myself: Dont listen to others. You are NOT fat. Go enjoy yourself and stop wallowing in self-pity. Look at me know? I wallow then, I wallow even more now. So stop listening to brother. For goodness sake, he calls supermodels fat. Guys like these should be punched. Maybe I will do that. The heck. If I did not love food too much and if I did not hate puking, I'd probably be anorexic or bullimic by now.

Depressing.

END POST~11.17am

Who says facebook isnt educational? Ive never heard of 'defenestrated' till the superpoke thing. Even then, I imagined the word to mean something like 'fumigating'. Probably cos 'nest' is embedded in the word. So I assume it means some massive bug killing. Heh, now I know what it means! It means throwing someone out the window! :)

Hm. Why would people want to do that to me? Ah well.

Im really glad this last exam is only 40%. Goodness, what a relief, knowing that ive covered more than half the module over the semester. I am seriously in no mood to mug. I came up with a nice schedule yesterday and I dont really have much time to cover everything. But I am so blah already. Doesnt help to know that some people are done already. Argh.

In exactly one week, I'll be off and away!

And I have plans after the exams. I told my sis abt how empty I'd feel after the last paper and she said she'll hang out with me :) Yay.

Then sat and sun, I'll probably spend time at home with the family. And pack. Then mon-fri morn I'll be away w cheryl and mel. Our first vacation together! Then when I come back, Im gonna start calling people up to go out with me. Im going to exercise everyday too. That's right, everyday. Im going to watch movie after movie. And read book after book.

And oh, perhaps find a job in between. Or maybe I should just enjoy myself till my savings deplete.

Worse case scenarios in no particular order

1: be a research assistant at nus
2: apply for imh or moe research assistant

3: starbucks

4: tuition

5: apply for grad school by first taking the GREs.

Either way, Im sure I'll be able to find something to do :) I'm quite glad my folks are taking it easy that I may potentially be unemployed. Ive been worried and fretting and my mom said "What are you so worried about? You dont have anything to pay what".

True and not so true. I'll technically still have to pay my tuition fees what. Alhamdulillah, I wont have to owe nasty banks but I'll still owe my family money. And I quote my mom "Money is money. Family is family". Bottomline, you owe money, no matter who, you better pay.

So Im sure when she said "What are you worried abt...". I'm sure what she meant is, "you're lucky others can help you settle the bank first so you dont have interests to bother about".

But I still owe money. And I dont like that feeling. So I'll probably get some crappy job to pay it off. Besides, crappy job can be considered 'work experience' right?

Ok la :) Life will still go on. The sky is blue and the sun will shine everyday. Im sure I'll make the best out of life.

Still, Insha-Allah, I'll get that call from them soon :)

END POST~11.57am

I've been listening to malay/indonesian songs the past couple of days. No idea why but I think I'm getting used to them :) Some of them are quite nice.

Currently listening to agnes monica. I already liked one of her old songs cos it was the soundtrack for some indo soap opera my mom watched. She was only 15 when she recorded the song. She's prob 22 now and she's now star-ing in a new sinetron (new cos its only just shown in spore) called "kawin muda", which is a light hearted dramedy about this high school kid who was matched made when she was young to a guy a few years older. The whole series (im not sure, i watched 5 episodes and jumped to the conclusion cos heh, impatient la) is about how they got married but are concealing it from their school mates, how they detest each other, etc. Quite funny. In the end, they fall in love with each other :) Great acting and really light hearted. I picked up bahasa too! So karina, you should check it out on youtube. So from that show, I was introduced to her new song and its super ear-worm material. And i saw her 'mtv'. Totally different from her sweet character on the series la. But still, catchy catchy.

Ok, back to work.

END POST~1.48pm

One week to my next and FINAL final paper as an undergraduate. As much as I want to get it done with (and done well, I must add), I don't have anything special planned following the paper so I reckon that its going to be a bit anti-climatic. Emptiness would surely ensue, as the lull I felt after Wed's paper.

A great mist lie before me. The predictable safety of academia shall be no more. No more next semester. No more next academic year. Just one big cloud ahead.

Besides the vacation, the 10k run and Najib's return, I don't really know what lies ahead. And I'm the type of person who needs to see what's coming so I can plan. I need to have a sense of purpose. I need direction. Come next Friday, I may possibly be in a state of limbo.

So I'm anxiously waiting for a call from them. I cant sleep. In my dreams I keep thinking about it. I need to let go but Im really scared of another "After careful consideration....We wish you success..". I keep checking my phone. My email. God, help me let go. If its meant to be, its meant to be.

In other news, I spent yesterday watching two movies. The first was Perfume:The story of a murderer. I give it 5 out of 5. The story is about a man, born with the gift of a superior olfactory. He is able to detect even the tiniest variation in scents. Born in, presumably 16th century paris, filthy and overpopulated, he was abandoned after birth in a dump of a fish market, and left to die. Yet, the infant Jean-Paul fought and survived, and took his first breath of putrid air. The narrator then documents his life in an orphanage where his ability unnerved the other children and so he was left alone to explore the scents around him. After being sold to work in a tannery, he was exposed to the city once again while making a delivery, and there, he selfishly took in all the scents he could possibly. Finally, he, after quite a bit of drama, entered the realm of perfumery.
The character Jean-paul hardly talks. The actor gave such a brilliant performance. His eyes. The expression in his eyes. The zeal, the obsession. Essentially, the movie charts Jean-Paul's desire to capture the sublime beauty of women and create the ultimate perfume. I do not think I have done justice reviewing this movie so I strongly urge everyone to watch it. It may sound boring at first, but rest assured, you will be pulled into this murder/mystery/thriller. On the one hand, I was rooting for Jean-Paul because his ambition really did stem from innocence, yet his actions are wrong. But I rooted for him anyway. The ending was very very surprising and satisfying. From my understanding, the movie is of german-english production so do not expect the pace of the movie to be like that of the typical hollywood ones. And the narrator was fantastic. Somber, purposeful and captivating.

The second movie I watched was a lighter one. After the first, I needed something to laugh at so I watched Over her dead body. It's quite enjoyable, especially since Paul rudd's acting in it. He has such charm about him. The movie's about how Eva longoria refuses to let go of her ex-fiance even though she's dead and is a ghost. So it's a predictable movie. How she's dead and he's grieving. How his sister comes in to help him move on and perhaps find love. How the dead fiancee refuses to let him date this psychic who can, incidentally, see her. So there's the hilarious schemes she cooks up to foil their blossoming romance. The bedroom scene is hilarious. Then how he finds out the psychic is lying bla bla bla. So they break up. But he's not happy. Then the ghost felt bad seeing him miserable so she winds up letting go of him and somehow the couple gets back together. The end. But its funny la. So go and watch.

Well, I think I'm done with today's post. I suppose I should plan out my study schedule for the psychophysio exam. One whole week to study for this. I have never had that much time to study for a paper. So i'm not going to blow my chances of acing this!

END POST~10.24am

Oh why doesn't spore sell side-kick phones?

Ive been wanting one of those phones since I saw people tv (esp claire-heroes) using it. Super cool la. I want. But it can only be found in the states, uk and possibly aussie.

Aussie. I know someone over there!

But will it be able to function with the spore networks?

Why isnt that phone available here? It'll definitely have a market here for sure.

I just love the way the phone screen slides up to reveal a key-board :)

http://www.hiptop.com/danger101/danger+powered+products

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZ4fzmsHvMI&NR=1 (check out the cool swivel up screen)

I WANT!

END POST~9.34am

On the plus side, I have managed to wean myself off unhealthy waking hours. Still, why on earth cant i concentrate on my revision?

Oh, I've tried and I've tried but I get easily distracted. By food. By youtube. By other blogs. By reading the news. Goodness! I had 2 weeks to study and now Im down to 3 days before my first paper. I am starting to panic!

Come on farah! Last set of hurdles to clear! Go Go Gooooo!

END POST~9.35am

Bloody incompetent lor. First few words that came to mind as I read the report. Are they stupid or stupid? What kind of jail has toilets looking like the kind found in secondary schools?

If it were me, everyone, top-down, should be sacked. Not punished, not reshuffled but SACKED. That way, incompetent people are removed. And fresh people can come in. I know a whole lot of people who need jobs can?

So angry la. Nonsense really.



END POST~7.39pm

"Play that funky music bla blaaaa...."

Song stuck in my head! Out of the blue some more! Yesterday it was mariah carey's new songs la. Now this!

Anyway, sipping my peppermint tea because I learnt in class that peppermint is a mental stimulant :)

I need to confess something too. I have been having cravings for junk and fast food over the past week. And I've acted on them! (hide under pillow). Its true! Chips, tim tam and so on. I sealed the deal with TWO CONSECUTIVE days of kfc. I know!

But but but, at least I ended the week witha 4.4k run. Considering I havent run in a month, I think I did alright :)

Ok, another confession. I signed myself and my sis up for a 10km run that'll happen in june. Haha..i guess in all that stress last month, I needed an outlet, something to work towards as well..so I signed us up, much to her (my sis) dismay.

So now she wants to train thrice a week! Haha..we'll see.

Goodness! I just received an sms! A friend just asked me out to kfc! Oh o.

END POST~10.30am

I am feeling extremely uneasy. I received a mail abt the organ donation thing. Previously, I was exempted. But recently, there has been a change in the ruling. How come the change? Pardon my scepticism but why is it when they want something, that something somehow manages to transcend all boundaries and hence becomes acceptable?

Why now? Why wasnt it implemented from the beginning?

I'm confused! I have till aug to decide. And I dont want to think of such things :(

It's morbid.

END POST~4.53pm

I was googling for inspirational stuff and I found this on someone's blog. Its so beautifully said! I'm going to attempt to translate it as best as I can :)

"Bila Allah cepat makbulkan Doamu, Maka DIA Menyayangimu, Bila DIA Lambat Makbulkan doamu, Maka DIA Ingin Mengujimu, Bila DIA Tidak Makbulkan Doamu, Maka Dia Merancang Sesuatu Yang lEbih Baik Untukmu. Oleh itu, Sentiasalah Bersangka Baik Pada ALLAH Dalam Apa Jua Keadaan Pun...Kerana Kasih sayang ALLAH Itu Mendahului KemurkaanNya"

When Allah answers your doa (prayer) quickly, it means HE loves you. When HE answers it later, it means HE intends to test you, when HE does not grant you what you asked for, it mean HE has better plans for you. As such, always think the best of Allah in any circumstance..Because Allah's love surpasses His ??. (oh dear..I dont quite know how to translate this word)

"Sesungguhnya jika Allah mencintai seorg hamba maka Dia tenggelamkan hamba itu dalam cubaan. Barangsiapa yang tidak pernah mengalami musibah maka ia jauh daripada kasih sayangNya..."

When Allah loves HIS servants, HE throws at them challenges. Should anyone not ever face challenges, it means that he is far from Allah's love.

Ok, my translation does not do justice to extracts. The malay language can be so beautiful :)

END POST~11.32pm

Rejection. No matter how many times it comes flying into your face, you'll never be able to be numbed by it. Perhaps numb at first, but then it'll hurt. A whole lot. Especially when you set your heart on that one thing. And everyone else ard you has their hopes appended to yours.

I will not shed a tear. No. I'm going to swallow this lump. Because Im not destined for this. Another one will come along, Insha-Allah. God knows best.

So as much as the pain is getting stronger as minutes go by, I will exhale it. I'm blessed to be given the opportunity to get that far. To make it to the final cut. I prayed for that opportunity and I got it. I gave it my best, I honestly gave it my all. So, Alhamdulillah for that.

And that's that.

That's that.

Breathe.

That's that.

Moving on.

END POST~9.26pm

Last lesson was alright. I know Im going to sound awful, but I didnt really learn much today. Maybe its a sign that the time is right for me to leave school :) I sat alone during my final lect at nus. After the lesson ended, she wished us the best, then people started whipping out their camera. But I left class.

I wanted to pray in school for the last time. So I took my wudhu and made my way to the prayer area at as6. I prayed. And after that, I just sat down and let my mind wander. 4 years. Gosh 4 whole years. I had flashbacks. Me wearing a yellow t-shirt, denim skirt and sports shoe (I know. What was I thinking. Fresh out of jc la). How I first prayed around the same area. Back then, the prayer area was at the lift lobby outside the social work dept. How I learnt my grandma passed away in year 2 while I was having lect at lt14. How I prayed in between classes during the fasting month. How when my darling came, we were both fasting, we went separate ways to pray maghrib first before meeting up to break fast together. How I'd pray for this. For that.
How I'd meet other muslim girls I wouldnt have met if not for this area. How we chatted for a while and then very seldomly meet again.

And then I looked around. What a beautiful place to pray. Because its by the window. The huge window by the stairs which overlooks the old law lib and biz faculty, where you can see the sea and ships and the clear sky. After reminisicing, I left the area and I dont know why, I looked back at the area and I said Alhamdulillah, and I walked away. I guess I meant it to be for everything. For the 4 years. For the good, for the bad, everything. Then I found myself smiling. The mass of trees that were burnt and brown 2 years ago have all gone green again. Renewed.

I'm getting all philo. With that, I met up with a couple of people and then I left :)

Went to the bus stop and there I saw 4 psych lecturers, one of them, my sup. At first I was like "oh noo" because I didnt want to make small talk because a part of me had fear conditioned. So I hid myself. But eventually I managed to pluck up the courage to board the same bus as him. And I even waved to him as I made my way to my seat. How ridiculous! I chuckled to myself. Out here, he is just another person. No power. No status. Nothing. Just another human being heading home from work.

Ive conquered my ridiculous fear. What a feeling! :)

I am an adult now!

Giggles. Adult. Hehehe.

END POST~10.02pm

I have utmost respect for all caregivers out there. I had a brief encounter as a caregiver this morning. My grandma was due for her blood test and check up at the hospital. Everyone else was working. Usually dad would bring her. But today, after convincing her that I can take her (she proudly insisted she could go herself, when seriously, she cant la), we set off.

Gosh. When she had to get her blood taken, I almost cried. She was in pain. And the nurses kept poking her because she had too little blood to fill even one tube. She started wincing and I couldnt take it. Thank goodness they managed to get half a tube. They were supposed to collect 2 full tubes. But she really couldnt give that much. So Im glad the nurses agreed with me to work on what they have.

So we hobbled over to get her some breakfast cos she had to fast overnight for the test. Hobbled. I guess Im so used to walking quickly. Patience.

More waiting. Waited an hr for the check up. In the room, she was 'negotiating' with the doc as to how frequent she had to come down for tests. 6 weeks. They settled on that. He wanted a scope to be done. She was on the verge of screaming. She doesnt want a tube stuck down her throat. He looked at me. Im not used to making these kinds of decisions. So I asked him, is it very necessary and urgent. He seemed annoyed. He said no. Then I said, we'll discuss this at home. She doesnt want it now. If she decides otherwise, we'll set it up.

Waiting room. Cashier.

Pharmacy. Wait. Collect medicine. 13 different kinds of pills. With all sorts of instructions. Wait. Pay. I love medisave.

Tired. I am super tired. But its my last lesson in nus forever perhaps.

3.5 hrs at the hosp is draining. I have to leave home in 10 minutes.

I'm sleepy. I'm tired. But I will go on.

Patience. Discipline. Filial piety. Fortitude.

Learnt all of these in my last day of school.

END POST~2.19pm

Its settled!!!!!!!!!

We're confirmed going for a holiday together. I can hardly believe it. After all that research, mel had to click on one website and ta-da! Flight + Hotel settled just like that. What's more its the very hotel we were eyeing from the beginning but which was super expensive. I love love love zuji! What a steal :)

Now I'm definitely going to mug all the way for exams cos 3 days after my last paper, I'll be off and away for a spa holiday!

Insha-Allah, it will be a safe, fun and rejuvenating trip!

END POST~9.15pm

Okay. Maybe I have a sick, disturbing fascination with wound healing. Heh, some readers are grossed out by my heel picture and have asked me to remove it or at least to create new posts so they wouldnt have to see that image upon clicking my blog.

I had planned to put up a 'one week later' pic here but to ensure people dont end up puking or grimacing (I dont understand why), I have placed it in the same post as the earlier one.

So curious people can scroll down and check it out! I think its heeling (hehehe) nicely!

END POST~11.09am

Money money money mo-ney...MONEY! (theme from the apprentice)

Yay!! I love love love being over 21 because that means, from time to time, i'd get mail saying that $xxx of money would be automatically credited to my account.

Been planning our bkk trip. It's quite fun to plan but now im having a headache. I think its the weather. So hot. Then rain.

END POST~5.48pm

Ahhhhhhhh...........

What a blissful weekend. No pending assignments. No morning anxiety attacks. Life is so beautiful.

Went shopping on both days with my darling sister, who kindly sponsored whatever I picked, as part of my belated birthday present.

:) :) :)

I am recharged, people. Recharged, refreshed, rejuvenated.

Exams? Pfft! Bring them on! I am so going to enjoy my last week of school.

Ahh..

END POST~9.32am

One week later (above) Heeling nicely, dont you think?

Let this be a photo reminder to myself. Bite the shoe before the shoe bites you!

I dont get it! Why aren't these movies out yet?
1) Definitely, maybe
2) The other boleyn girl

Their ad prints appear in the newspaper and reviews for both movies are out a long long time ago so why arent they showing them on the big screen already?

Anyway, yesterday, I had some semblance of a celebratory lunch/dinner/drink w pema. After lunch, I desperately wanted to leave school and engage in mindless shopping (window) and movie watching. Obviously, we couldnt catch both movies..so we went to vivo and *attempted* to shop, only to wind up at starbucks :)

P was really sweet, listening to me ramble about certain interviews I went to and how I really really want this job in particular..

Speaking of interviews, I had to buy myself pumps. I have the following conclusion to make.
Im a big bodoh when it comes to buying shoes because they all end up tearing my skin up and leaving my raw flesh exposed to the world. Im in pain, people! Thank goodness i heeded my sister's advice to bring an extra pair in case. Even so, that pair couldnt safe me from the intense pain. Lucky for me, the bazaar beng selling slippers and t-shirts had his booth still in the forum (does he ever leave). So I got myself flip flops for 5 bucks! :) My feet were happy the whole day after that.

Which explains why the vivo trip happened :)

Was absolutely zonked by the time I got home cos Ive been having really really weird sleeping hours but but but, it was my baby's birthday so I webcammed with him a little and I felt mighty happier. What a nice way to end the day, eh? We're only 2 hours away and I feel closer to you :)

Happy birthday again b :)

END POST~10.20am

Happy 23rd Birthday baby!

Alhamdulillah for you :) Insha-Allah, you will have a wonderful life ahead of you and May Allah bless you!

END POST~11.07pm

I wish I had witty opening statements to make but I dont. In fact, Ive logged onto blogger countless times but I end up logging out because I just didnt feel like completing any sentence..

Eventually I would and I'd like to simply jump into talking about other things but, the thing is, I cant. How can I avoid mentioning it because it is was still is a big part of my academic life?

I handed it in late, folks. 40 mins late. But I handed it in nevertheless. I wasnt feeling the emotions I dreamt I would. That sense of accomplishment..the so called 'deliverance'..I did not get to experience that. Instead, I felt nothing and everything but not what I had been longing for.

I felt disappointment, anger, frustration at myself because I was unable to realise the image I had in my head. But I did feel, that given the circumstances, I did the best that I could possibly manage. Still, when I re-read what I submitted and thought of all the things I could have put into it..it saddens me.

Particularly because that thing is supposed to embody all that I have learnt in the past 4 years. It was supposed to mark an achievement..a milestone. I've worked so hard from the beginning, only to falter at the end. What's worse, markers/readers wont appreciate the effort that went into it. All they will see is what I submitted-which isnt a true reflection of what went into it.

But its over. And through the entire process, I have learnt a lot. I know, i know, this is the 'loser talk' but well, its true. I have really learnt a lot abt myself. And I have to say, I have more faith in God than ever before. Because I highly doubt that I would have had the strength to complete it at all had it not been for Him. Well, it might not be a fantastic piece of work, but its done, you know? I think I finally know what its like to hit rock bottom. But to rise above that because of faith.

So that's that. Alhamdulillah. I pray, that when I look back on in life, I will be happy with whats happened. Everything happens for a reason. As much as I want to sound gloomy and all, there must be a reason, beyond me, beyond you, there must be a reason why the sequence of events leading up to the thesis submission happened.

And that drives me...that reminds me that I should really just leave it to Allah. Because He has plans for me and in some ways, Im quite excited to find out what :)

Insha-Allah, I will have a bright future ahead of me. I have been so blessed by what I have now..and even if things dont turn out the way I wish it to, I think I'll be alright..as long as I submit myself to Him.

:)

END POST~10.06pm

I've been so afraid of coming off as dumb or as having not thought through my thesis enough but you know what?

I dont care. This is MY thesis. This is MY final lap. I WILL enjoy writing this.

I WILL HAVE FUN! Because this labour of love is finally going to happen.

Even if it comes out wrong, even if it doesnt make sense to others, it is MY baby, and Im going to make sure as much as I can that it comes out right. I will leave the rest to Allah because He is the only one who can determine my fate.

In short, good or bad, I will love it no matter what happens.

END POST~1.37pm

I'm blessed to have such a supportive studying environment at home. Academia is definitely in our veins!

While i've been moping these past few days, I realise that my brothers and sister are facing similar stresses.

My sis and bro will be taking the same post-grad exam on the 8th of april so they've been up studying and its super encouraging. My eldest bro on the other hand is working hard on his dissertation. I love my family! Its like a library here at night! And its really interesting to see how study modes among us differ. Sister would sleep early yet somehow she'll always cover what she seeks to. I suspect she's the most efficient one among the 4 of us. Brother 2 doesnt sleep. He's a night owl and in some way, I take after him because brother 1 is like sister. He wakes up early and sleeps early. And its nice to see others awake and reading in the dead of the night because it fuels you, you know. Just keep on going...

And when i need help with my thesis, i have so many people to approach. Sister can explain the gynae stuff while brother 2 can explain the cardio stuff (ok la. Maybe im stereotyping my own siblings cos theyre both good at everything) and brother 1 is super experienced with the whole writing thing. I mean he's written a thesis, and published a paper is some journal for his masters..and he's writing another one now...

I love my mugger-ish family.

They really are my inspiration. If they can juggle work and study, why cant I handle study?

Alhamdulillah, my parents instilled in us a sense of passion for knowledge.

END POST~11.49am

First and foremost, thank you so much to everyone for the messages I received today. I am completely overwhelmed and feel so blessed to have people giving me such support and encouragement. And for remembering today, even though I wasnt in the mood for celebrations at all. I've never had so many people wish me before and though it may seem to be nothing much on your part, it really meant a great deal to me, especially at this time in my life.

Thank you so much for reminding me that even in the darkest hour, I am really not alone.

Thank you for making me smile again. For making feel loved.

I started off today tearing at the littlest things and feeling woeful. But now...Im tearing because Im so happy..I am truly blessed! Alhamdulillah :)

It all started at midnight when my Najib sang me a birthday song over the webcam..and I opened the letter he sent me weeks ago (instructions read: Do not open till 25th march)..I was and still am so touched...I love you so much, baby. I felt so much better...

After nudgie went offline, I analysed data some more but I forced myself to sleep at 2am so I could get up at 6am to continue. But I found myself sleeping in till 7.30. Instead of rushing to school, I sat myself down in front of my laptop and continued from where I left off. No way was I going to meet my sup without being prepared. So I took a cab to sch and for some reason, I just couldnt stop crying...

Met the sup, and well, that's another story. Bottom line is: Farah really has a lot to accomplish by this Fri..

Went on to do some graphing before heading for lesson...and then lunch.

After lunch, everything went uphill again. For some reason, seeing Pema made me happy. Seeing her always makes me happy. Im not quite sure why. My appetite which had been absent for days returned! And :), she volunteered to be my servant for the day by zapping a whole load of materials from the lib.

Meanwhile, the sms-es came flooding in. My mom, my dad, and so many more and more and more and more. And when I bump into people, they know! Close friends, aquintances, old friends, new friends...How come? Then I realise....its cos of facebook!! Haha :)

Headed home with yx after the stop at the lib. My mom gave me a hug/kiss as soon as I stepped in. I love my family. Everyone was happy and that made me happy. I'm so blessed. Then my dad started a little doa and there was a lump in my throat...I love my life so much...

Then farhana came over and brought me a cake :) Had a nice chat with her and she was super encouraging :)

And now im online w my nudgie :) I'm going to talk to him because I havent had the time to the whole day today...

And then its back to work for me...

Insha-Allah, I will get things done by the dateline.

END POST~10.55pm

I think I know why people have suicidal ideation.

Its because of people like him who makes people just wanna give up on everything and die. .

Jump off a roof. Jump in front of a train. Sleep and never wake up. Roll over a window sill.
Because you certainly know how to make people feel worthless and small dont you? Making people end it because theyre never good enough.

That they feel so trapped. That they have nowhere to go.

Im beginning to think he truly is the devil's spawn.

Because no other person in the world has ever made me feel so miserable with just a few words.

I have to keep telling myself that I'll look back on in life and roll my eyes.

But for now...there's so much uncertainty ahead you know? That its all out there. That if I dont cease every opportunity....

Oh God, I need divine intervention. Please grant me strength to go on. Please shut off all these horrible emotions. I dont want to live my days like this.
And it breaks my heart that my family has to see me like this. Because they feel my pain and I dont want them to feel it anymore.

I honestly dont care how I do anymore. I just want to finish it the best that I can without him bugging me like that. Making me feel worthless.

Please help me take things in stride. Help me see that theres more to life than this. Because there is. Please take me out of this tunnel-vision.

I cant take this anymore.

END POST~6.23pm

DIE STUPID MAN DIE!

The last thing I need from my anal sup is his anal prima donna behaviour la. I'm so bloody tempted into submitting my thesis without him even reading it la. I mean he's freaking cramping my style. All he's adding now is stress.

SCREW you for the 'supportive' email you donkey shit. My entire academic career hinges on this and you dare throw your tantrum?

Can you believe he insist on not checking his email over the weekend?

Even though his students need him?

END POST~11.28am

Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know...?

Do you get what you're hoping for
When you look behind you
There's no open door
What are you hoping for?
Do you know...?

-Theme from Mahogany.

END POST~2.57pm

As soon as I clicked "publish post" I started crying.

It sucks that I feel alone. True, everyone else is going through the same thing yet I feel so alone in this. That even though people give me statements of support and stuff..I still feel alone.

And he's trying to make me feel better from where he is..but I cant help wishing he was here. Right now. And that's making me cry even more.

I'm feeling downright miserable and I hope blogging helps. In some weird, unverified way.

I need a hug.

END POST~11.56am

I am having a bad bad start to sunday.

I hate it when there's no breakfast. My body went into starvation mode when Im sleeping so the least I can do is to feed it some food to kick start the day. Went to kitchen----open fridge---saw milk---no cereal. NO CEREAL! What happened to the TWO boxes mom bought a couple of days ago? Left with bread. Letfover bread. With what? Peanut butter. Urgh. Then my mom said...eat cake or eat ice-cream la. Thats when I couldnt take it.
YOU ALL CALL ME FAT THEN YOU FEED ME FAT FOOD.

Then dad keeps cooking fat food. Curry curry curry curry curry keema curry beryani..and again and again.

I sound so bloody ungrateful right? At least theres food at home..I know. And if I truly was hungry, I'd have eaten anything w/o complaining. But Im also trying so hard to start my day healthy and it bugs me that I dont have the support at home. So the rest of them have high metabolic rates and can afford to eat junk breakfast or skip it. NOT ME.

Ok, this angsty post is coming from somewhere.

You know where? Because I WASTED THE WHOLE OF SAT outside. Dyed my hair (WHICH IS DISASTROUS, BY THE WAY).

Tried shopping for formal pants (BUT I CANT FIT INTO THE LARGEST SIZE AT ALL)

Went home and wanted to do work to end the day productive. HAD HEADACHE FROM THE STUPID HAIRDYE SMELL OR SMT.

Went to sleep so darn early at 10.30pm and told myself I'd wake up at 6.30/7 to start work.
WOKE UP AT 10.30.

And to top it off, im having my freaking period which is freaking irritating cos its causing me cramps and backflow. URGHHHHHHH! I HATE BACKFLOW.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe...

Things will get better.Things will get better...

NOT WHEN MY THESIS DRAFT IS DUE THIS FRIDAY AND I HAVE NOTHING TYPED!

I think. I. Am. On. The. Brink. Of. A. Panic. Attack.

END POST~11.42am

Ive been feeling lethargic lately. It started yesterday but I dismissed it as 'aftershock' from the days before when I slept irregularly. So yesterday, I slept in. Wait a sec. I dont remember what happened yesterday. Oh my goodness. What was I doing yesterday? It was wed...I was....OH! Okay. Yeah, so I slept in because I felt I deserved it. But that didnt seem to alleviate the drowsiness. So I did as much as I could to ensure Wed didnt go to waste by completing the P&C quiz and a bit of the project. I hoped today would be different.

Yet, the same thing happened. I was supposed to head to school early to print stuff and all but I just couldnt get up. And even now, my body is feeling so tired. I slept enough. I ate enough. I exercised. Why am I feeling like this? Could it be PMS? Is lethargy and a tad of nausea at night part of it?

Other than these symptoms, I feel fine. Could it be that Im weaning myself off caffeine? Hmm. Cos Ive been downing and average of 2.5 cups of tea from mid last week till mon. Perhaps.

Either way, I pray that my body can snap out of this soon..

I have something big planned for my birthday. It is my gift to myself :)

And Insha-Allah, it will materialise.

END POST~9.57pm

Im halfway through my thesis.

No, Im just kidding. Oh what a cruel joke to play on myself.

Im barely started la! But all that will change in the next couple of days as thesis becomes priority number 1. No more nasty little midterm tests/assignment to deal with. Well, except for just 2 stuff but its for my breadth so worse come to worse, S/U!

:)

In order ascending order of dateline:

1) P&C quiz---20%
(take home quiz! So cool right? MCQ some more. But super tricky la)
2) THESIS--------- 300%
3) P&C project------20%
4) Exams
5) Freedom!

Although I suspect 1) is 10 % and 3) is 30%. Ah well!

END POST~1.23pm

NYEH!

(What every yr 4 looks like now)

My patience has been pushed to the limit. I think I'm being tested.

First a wedding downstairs. 6 hours of loud, obnoxious, nauseating music (that my grandma really puked at 3am later). It was unrelentless. Why cant they be considerate enough to at least put a bloody notice at the lift lobby or smt to warn people abt the 'festivities'. Ok la. Granted, it is a happy occassion that they'd wanna share to the whole wide world. But think abt all the angsty, limited-for-time students who have massive amounts of work to cram for. And for old ladies who cannot take the non-stop pulsating music. Ya, we saw you preparing the tables and stuff...but AT LEAST PUT UP A NOTICE and tell us from what time to what time our lives would be disrupted so we wont feel so helpless and foolishly anticipate that it'd be over in a few hours only. 6 hours is too much man.

I dont think I want to hold mine at the void deck. Even if I do, it'll be peaceful, relaxing music mostly. Anyway...

Then today. Dah lah I slept at 3 plus am and woke up at 7am then back to sleep...and woke up at 10am knowing that a whole load of work awaits me. Fine. BUT that i had to be RUDELY awaken by DRILLING. Thats going on even now. WHAT THE? Why cant they PUT UP A NOTICE? Oh my gosh. So at least we wont be jolted la. Why must they (i cant even ascertain which level they come from) put up a notice saying "Hello, Im XX from the X floor. I would like to notify you bla bla bla...As such, I apologise for any inconvenience caused..Feel free to pop by after the works are over and see how much money we've put in to make your lives miserable for a few hours-But at least we've warned you so you can put in your ear plugs at the appropriate time", or smt like that la.

SIGH. Thank goodness I have earplugs. The orange 3M ones.

GRIT TEETH AND STUDY farah...it'll be over soon....

END POST~10.27am

I think it's pretty much official that the void deck of the block opposite mine is a watering hole for a bunch of drunk, tone deaf people.

Its been 3 weeks in a row that they just sit at the stone tables, drink and make noise on sat/sun.

But quite entertaining la. Cos sometimes I just laugh at their nonsense.

Im almost done with psych assessment. Alhamdulillah! Like finally! How many posts have I talked abt it? So yay! All that's left is to cut down 55 words. And if I really cant, I'll just let it be. I mean she cant possibly be so particular right? Its just 55 words! Come on..show some mercy..

Psychophysio. Where do I start? I was thinking of driving down to sch tmr to check out the anatomy books but then I realise that itd be so ridiculous. How different can that anatomy book be different from the ones I have at home? Besides, the super-majorly important diagrams are probably scanned into the lecture notes, right? Hmm. See how..

Insha-Allah I'll do well for both the report and the test ahead!

END POST~9.18pm

This baby girl is such a darling :)

She's only 17 months and she can read! As in read words randomly shown to her, which is extremely incredible!

http://video.msn.com/?mkt=en-us&vid=400a8dd5-902a-4d71-882c-7da7b8b7cc1f&playlist=videoByUuids:uuids:c044d322-a4f6-4a38-925a-12d01ef81fb8%2C33eaf98e-57f9-4ece-a7a6-eeadf1f18bcc%2C2225f56a-2069-4a77-b75d-b82504dea5f6&from=MSNHP&tab=m17&GT1=28114

Aside: I will finish the darn psych ass report by today! Must must must!

END POST~12.11pm

Haiyo....I'm so sick of typing my psych ass report. I was supposed to complete the darn thing on wed. Then I decided to complete it on thurs. And now it's Fri morn and Im still type type typing.
At first I thought to myself, how on earth I can possibly come up with 1500 words for this assignment. Haiyo. Now Ive broken past the 1000 word marker and Im still left with another 3 sections! Which means I have to go back and painfully cut out bits from the earlier sections.

Boo.

I just want to get this done. I havent even started on psychophysio!

HELP!

END POST~11.09am

Alhamdulillah, I just got a call to inform me I've made it to the final stage of selection for this job.

I was really happy considering I thought I didnt do well in the first 2 rounds...

But I dont know why. A part of me is feeling really heavy. I mean, granted, making it to the next round is really really good since the selection is super rigorous la! But suddenly, everything seems to be moving so quickly.

And not a word from any of the organisations to which I had applied for a psych position.
And that depresses me a little. And as I type this, there's a lump in my throat. And I keep hearing the voice of a certain peer who says that the first job should be a psych job, and from another that a first job should carry a good title.

Or this. Or that. Nye nye nye. People's comments affect me more than I thought. Worse, if I get a non-psych job, people will ask me what happened to my plans. People will ask how come youre not pursuing psych. Bla. Bla. Bla. Bla. Bla.

And then I worry. If I dont get a psych job this year, if I wait till 3-4 years later, by then, due to the sheer fact that the number of psych undergraduates are growing by the year, the market would be too saturated and I would have missed the opportunity.

Of course, I could go for further studies and then with a Masters, finding a job would be easier (I think) but still....

Why is it that people are getting calls for psych jobs and Im not? Am I not good enough? Is my CV bad? Are my results not good enough?

Or simply, is this not what God has installed for me?

Why am I feeling resentment? Why am I feeling bitterness when this isnt what I want to feel at all. I have to believe that everything happens for a reason. I have to.

Im frightened.

Im really scared.

I want people to stop asking me about jobs already. I want people to stop giving me the pathetic stares they give when I tell them Im not getting replies. I want people to stop asking me why.

Im not ready for this now.

I want to stop time.

I just want to live out the rest of my undergraduate days not thinking about the future.

I want to live in the present.

I need to let go and leave it to Allah. If its meant to be, its meant to be.

I can just pray that whatever the outcome is, I'd have tried as hard as I can, and I'd have made decisions in my life that I wont regret, nor would any peers make me regret.

Breathe.

I need to let go. I need to embrace things which come my way as a blessing and that it happens for a reason that only God knows.

Breathe

END POST~1.17pm

Ok, quite a productive day today. Ive managed to lay out all the necessary stuff for my psych assessment report. In my mind, I kinda know where I'm going and what to include and how I'll make it flow into a solid paper, Insha-Allah, but oh...its 12.30-ish in the morning! If I type now, I'll inevitably want to get it done with before I sleep. But being the perfectionist that I am (ok, only when I have an inkling that I can still salvage my grade then I'm uber perfectionistic), I'll mull over every single statement that I type because I want it to be a super report- not some chin chye report-I may possibly end up not sleeping at all!

Oh the woes of student-hood.

Hmm. Sleep it is then! I shall wake up early for subuh and continue before leaving for sch.

Insha-Allah, this is a wise decision!

END POST~12.34am

And so, for the first time today, I drove my sis to work-went home-left for school and back, braving the heavy rain, all by myself!

:) :) :)

One small step for me but it feels so good to regain my confidence on the road :)

Thank God for protecting me from harm/danger..Alhamdulillah~

Ohh, and I didnt have to pay erp or for carpark. On the down side, I think I burnt 10 bucks worth of petrol la. But ok la. Its not everyday I drive.

Tasks for today:
- Finish data entry in 1 hrs time
- Read psychophysio

Onward!

END POST~6.28pm

Just met the sup just now. Okay la. I do have some serious work to do for analysis.

Like understanding what's going on! I mean I guess I can graph the necessary interactions (after I beg fellow lab mates to help/check) and stuff but what on earth do they mean?? Interpreting could be a big issue here...

Then the dreaded test next Tues! I pray pray pray that the class decides to push the test back because there is no way I can

1) Finish my analyses by this week
2) Study for the psychophyshio test
3) Complete my psych ass report

BY THE END OF THIS WEEK?!

Oh God. Help me.

END POST~5.32pm

Thesis needs to be done before my birthday. That is my personal dateline.

But before that, care and attention must be given to analysing the darn stats.

But before that, I need to finish a report and study for a test (which includes almost every thing. Might as well give me the finals right. Sheesh.)

So, I, farah, must learn to compartmentalise and multi-task.

Must do these concurrently or face the repercussions.

Need to grow up.

Fast.

END POST~8.17pm

Ok, I know Im supposed to be doing work considering my unwritten thesis is due in about 3 weeks, but I couldnt help watching the clin/obam debate on youtube.

I cannot tahan that woman. She is rude, aggressive and plain irritating. I am not familiar with their domestic healthcare plans nor other domestic issues but judging by her body language and tone of voice throughout the debate, I cannot help but shudder in fear at the prospect of having someone seemingly uber temperamental as the pres of the us! Her attitude compared to the poised, composed and eloquent obama definitely gives her away as a hot-headed person who yacks too much (She kept interrupting the mediator, while obama looked on with admirable patience).

Sheesh! So what if she can be the first woman us pres? Her administration could be as hasty as the previous one. Who cares about experience? They need a level headed person. It'd be nice to see a calm leader than a leader who perpetually exudes the 'tough cookie' aura.

I think the world is sick of iron-fisted approach to politics.

Time for change. Soft-power, people. Soft-power.

END POST~6.15pm

I missed my perfumes and cosmetics class for the 3rd time. Sigh. I overslept. Must have been the weather and the late nights.

Things have been looking up for me and I think its something to do with my faith being restored.

In pacticular,
1) presentation for human psychophysio went really well. I think i can safely say that its the best presentation Ive done in nus. I had fun, I knew the material well, I didnt fumble as much and you know what's the icing on the cake? So far, we're the highest in class :)

2) my sup wrote a super nice email to me (judging by his history). He did a preliminary analysis of my data and encouraged me to stick to my previous research question! The menstrual cycle thing may work out in the end! Insha-Allah.

3) 2nd round for this job application...I felt really good after everything. Drained, but good. Not because I think I did well, but good because for once, I gave it my all and was as honest as I could be. So if im really meant for this job and this job is meant for me, then great. Otherwise, Im really ok if I dont make it through to the final stage. After all, I gave it my best shot and that is what's most important.

4) I finally found myself a black jacket and for such a steal of a price :)

5) I came home last night to find an envelope with familiar handwriting and a scent that made me tear, after a long tiring day. A b'day card from my Najib. It said 'Do not open until 25 mar". So I didnt. But for now, just sniffing the comforting smell is enough.

Alhamdulillah. For everything.

END POST~1.43pm

How typical. We're not going for dinner anymore.

END POST~8.17pm

Almost done with Psychophysio presentation! All that's left is to tidy up the section Im presenting so I wont get confused on tues :) Went to parvin's place today and I really really like her house. Its huge. And super conducive for studying. Plus her fridge's full of goodies. Hee.

Anyway, i just got back and Im waiting for the rest to get ready because apparently im having a family dinner. But as usual, its 8pm and no one's moving. Sheesh.

And im in trouble. I have developed a really bad sleep schedule since the start of mid-sem break. Wake up at 11am. Sleep at 4am. What the. I need to wean myself from this or I'll suffer once lessons resume.

Things I learnt about myself today:
1) Im still in the process of learning how to multi-task.

END POST~8.04pm