So a man is on the loose. I reckon he's feeling what scofield felt in prison break.

Anyhoos, just came back from dinner at cheryl's place :)

Wondering how Im going to stay up tonight to complete my presentation for tues since tmr is the group meeting. Hmm. Can la. I still feel quite awake after all.

Need to complete compiling all my data into a single spreadsheet for the supervisor and sort out psych assessment grp project by this weekend too.

Can la :)

Went to trim my hair and did some treatment to it. The stylist said I look better with straight hair. Im enjoying the fact that it's manageable and that my fingers can comb through it with ease. But I like my curls too. Ah well :)

Things I learnt about myself today?
1) I like pampering myself
2) I am addicted to running. Its been 2 days since my last run and I cannot tahan already.
3) I am addicted to earl grey tea and green tea. Keep em coming, I say!
4) I am a more subdued person when amongst many. I used to try to be the centre of attention. Now I just want to smile and speak only when spoken to. In a large group of people, that is. I realise Im really quite a boring person so why bother pretending to be super on and ra-ra?

And hmm. Aussie trip with friends not working out. How ah..I really want to go. I have never been there before! And I want to see my darling. Who wants to go with me? Probably late june? Im really tempted to go alone. It'll be my special grad trip. I could hook up with farhana in sydney then with Najib in Canberra..so I wont really be alone alone..Hmm. How to convince my parents? Should I do what my bro does? Buy the ticket and then tell them later? :P

Who wants to go Aust with me late June?????

END POST~11.42pm

This is what its all about!

MUG MUG MUG!

So many things to do...so little time!

But if we survive this people, we can pat ourselves on the back!

COME ON FRIENDS! Last stretch! We can do it!

END POST~3.27pm

I need to study man.

Was watching gossip girl online today. Episode after episode. So addictive!

Things I do to delay the inevitable pile of work I have to continue ploughing through.

END POST~11.20pm

Miraculously, closure came in precisely as I blogged the last post.

Coincidence, you say. But coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous. (quote I saw from some advert. How apt.)

I am being guided by God.

And so, one door has firmly shut. I was anticipating it yet I held my breath nevertheless.

Now I can breathe. Hope remains.

Greater things are waiting for me.

I feel lighter now.

END POST~1.21am

Im glad that I realised smt and realised it at this point in my life. Because now, I know. There's a limit to what I can do here. But there is no limit as to what I can achieve for the hereafter.

This life is temporary. And today, Alhamdulillah, today, I have regained my faith.
Thank you God. I have been too pre-occupied with this life. I needed a reminder. No matter how painful it was to swallow.

Grant me strength. I have no other ambition than the ambition to be a Muslim who is worthy of your blessings.

I submit to you.

END POST~12.23am

I think all this angst Im going through is angst misdirected at others instead of myself.

Im angry at myself because I suddenly have so many things to do, and time keeps slipping away from me.

Im angry at myself because I told myself I'd quickly settle stuff and complete at least half my thesis by the end of term break, but by the looks of it, I doubt I will.

Im angry at myself because Im no longer passionate and driven as I once was.

Im angry at myself because Im not sure if I believe in what Im doing anymore.

Im angry at myself because I cant seem to have the same level of faith I once had.

END POST~10.17pm

Its either Im aging and finding it difficult to understand what people are trying to say, or Im aging and Im getting rigid. Then again, maybe its really not me. Or maybe it is.

Anyway, Im finding it hard to work with people who nick-pick at ideas but do not have concrete resolutions or suggestions for the next step. I mean come on. It's like you say something needs improvement, but you say it in a form of a question.

?!

I need concrete things to work with. I do not like to grapple at air. Make your point. Make it clear. So that your team-mate doesnt have to waste time thinking what on earth youre talking about.

What do you suggest we do? That what i want to know. I need direction. I need focus. Not a bunch of diffused ideas, especially at this stage, by a bunch of ultra-nice people.

Bah. I think its really me. Im a rigid person.

END POST~9.58pm

I love love love Colbie Caillat's Bubbly. Its just the kind of song you can keep hearing again and again.

Its such a nice, stress-relieving song. Ahhh...

Other than that, among other songs i keep playing on youtube
1) Sara Bareilles-Love Song
2) Rihanna- Dont stop the music
3) Britney- Piece of me
4) Rihanna feat ne-yo- Hate that i love you
5) Hmm. Strangely, all other rihanna's song

But esp the Bubbly and Love song. I like the light upbeat melody :)

Im feeling so much happier. And productive! I organised my data and I completed my bit for a psych ass project assignment. It's a sat and I did work! Wohoo!

La la la...

END POST~6.04pm

My butt. Is. Aching.

And so folks, no. 10 from campus to tamp interchange takes 1hr 40 minutes during peak hour (6.55pm).

The journey from campus to around the bugis area is definitely faster than taking a bus to an mrt stat and then taking the train. But oh my. From kallang, where it starts to turn into dunman rd onwards...haiyo..so slow.

So what nudged me to take the bus? Because the load I was carrying was definitely more than 5kg! It was peak hour. My body was already tired from gym yest. I didnt want to squeeze onto the train and stand all the way.

The whole journey all the way back to my doorstep took 2 hrs. Not bad because if i had taken the usual bus-train-bus, it'd have taken me 1.5 hours. So 30 mins extra for a comfy seat is alright. The downside however is the perceived duration of the journey. Its draining. It felt like 5 hours.

But still, that aside, it was practically a good choice!

Aside: I finished my data collection. Alhamdulillah. WOHOO!

Now the analysis. And projects to complete. And ra stuff. Oh dear.

What term break you tell me? But at least now I can sleep longer :)

END POST~9.21pm

Tired! So tired. Cant wait to get to bed.

Was thinking of going for the career fair tomorrow but I havent printed my resume and honestly, Im too darn tired. I've been waking up early these past few days. The last thing I want is to approach potential employers with a face that smacks of lethargy.

Bah! Im just going to class tmr, and then back home before heading off to the gym.

YAWN.

Friday la. Going with cheryl so at least got company :)

And i seriously need to invest in a suit.

END POST~12.25am

Its 5.20pm and nothing! My my my. I think procrastination is in my veins.

Instead, Ive been researching for packages and other stuff for my grad trip. Apparently, Im travelling with 3 different groups of ppl. But everything's still fuzzy.

(Pause. I think there's a drunk or two singing from the void deck of the next block)

Anyway, I was sitting on the train a couple of days back when I started thinking of miserable my birthday is going to end up because a) I have a test on that day 2) My thesis is due a few days after 3) My darling isnt here 4) My friends are all busy. Good thing for family :)

So during the train trip, my mind kinda wandered on the what-could-have been. Heh, since Im old, parties are out already la. Plus the visit from my niece and nephew last night reinforced that I really am old la. Like Im from a different generation altogether because I honestly cant understand the whole colored pants-emo crap youngsters are into.

Anyhoos, back to my hypothetical birthday-day-out. I would really like to relive my teens..by hanging out with a couple of close friends at a karaoke place, singing britney spears, n'sync and backstreet boys horribly and having a good laugh at how dumb the lyrics are and how we liked them back then...and how we feel nostlagia when we listen to them now (I still have their cds. ha. ha.). Basically just laughing our heads of and having fun, with no worries and all :)

Burst bubble la. Cos in actuality, I dont think it will ever happen cos of the circumstances and cos I dont really know who'd engage in this nonsense with me..most ppl I know are too shy to sing like crap (because that is pretty much the point. If you sing well, then whats the fun in that?) or people dont like embarassing themselves.

Actually, wait a sec. I know some people who may be interested after all :) I think Im going to ask them if they'd like to do this. It doesnt have to be a birthday thing after all -It could be a mini-reunion :)

Yay :)

END POST~5.39pm

Bohemian rhapsody is stuck in my head thanks to this aussie AI contestant, who Im pretty darn sure is going to end up in at least, the top 3. Why? Because his voice is amazing and he oozes the appeal of hugh jackman. -faint-

And is it me, or do hunky aussie guys share a similar pattern? Hugh, Mel (altho ppl say his actually a NZ-der), Eric bana...

Hmm.

Anyway, another day gone by and I have no idea what ive done. But I'll strive to be productive on sun so it wont end up being an unproductive weekend after all!

END POST~12.34am

Just came back from a run and I'm feeling mighty refreshed after a shower. While waiting for my webcam-dinner-date, Ive decided to share how my darling and I spent our 32th month anniversary-v-day-birthday-farewell date last Friday :) Speaking of which, I love it when both of us bother to really dress up for a date once in a while..makes the occassion special. He was of course, dashing as usual on that day..and i wore....a dress! :)

Anyway, first, we went to the national museum as there's currenly an exhibition of Greek pieces from the Lourve. Heh, I even tried on a Greek garment called peplos. Afterwards, we went to Carousel @ Royal Plaza Hotel for a dinner buffet and we so much food because nudgie kept saying how we had to eat to match the value we paid...which was a lot. Thanks dear :) The sushi was really good and the desert. Oh my. Dont get me started on those :D



And then, the gift! We surprised each other with the same gift! Talk about the same frequency! We even pre-ordered it on the same day, from the same branch, without bumping into each other :)

Here's what we got :

He's so sweet right? I didnt want to sound so mushy because I was afraid he's share the cookie cake with others so ya la...but but but! The bon voyage is encapsulated in the heart! So there :)

I love my cookie.

END POST~8.41pm

I awoke yesterday morning, overwhelmed with a sense of uncertainty as to whether the night before truly transpired-or if it was just a dream. But it only took a few seconds before reality set in. He's left. My heart immediately felt like it was shredded to bits. All the preparations werent enough to get me by. I teared at almost every reminder of him.

So I sent Najib off to the airport on mon night. Luckily cheryl accompanied me. Otherwise it would have been plain awkward. His family is extremely huge. I admit, I felt a bit envious because my relatives arent like that. Najib is truly loved by his family and friends. I figure that if I left, few people except my nuclear family and 4-5 friends would even bother coming. So jealous. Anyway, so he said his goodbyes to crying relatives (again, you must be there to witness the love) and waved to me. Relatives were there, you see. As his family gathered at the gate to wave him off, I immediately proceeded to the upper level of t3 where Najib and I had planned to wave to each other. I didnt think he'd remember the plan. But he did. Cheryl spotted him and beckoned me over and just as I did, he called me. And that was when I crumbled. I couldnt utter a word. Choked. I couldnt say goodbye. And when I tried to say the 3 simple words to him, the waterpipes burst and I was a mess. And then he was gone.

I drowned my sorrows with cheryl (who was visibly distraught for her own reasons) with tau huay. Tau huay is my new comfort food. Then we parted at tanah merah mrt. Left alone, I have no idea why my mind kept wandering to the times Najib sent me home and my tearducts went into overdrive. I called up several people. I just needed to talk to someone. At last, Karina picked up and she was kind enough to talk to me on my way back, all the way till I stepped home. And later yunxian, sweet soul that she is, offered words so kind that I swear Im truly blessed to have her as a friend. She even checked up on me yest afternoon. Such love I desperately needed to feel.

Back home, my family was nicer to me. I think they all miss him too. My mom cried when I relayed what happened at the airport.

But enough of tears. Though it will never be the same without his physical presence, as yunxian puts it, 'there's always sms, webcam, msn, skype,". Indeed! He constantly sms-ed me and called me albeit for 2 mins last night. But today! Oh, I got to see my baby today! :) Thank goodness for the logitech webcam. He's settled in and his room is huge compared to the ones on campus. Just reminds me how land scarce we are.

Everything's going to be alright. Insha-Allah :)

Aside: im super annoyed at a particular gov agency. They are so inefficient and theyve messed up my application. Sheesh. At least the other 2 places I applied to bother getting back to me within a week or two. This one? Haiyo. No wonder people warned me against applying there.

END POST~8.03pm

Today the bf came over for lunch, since he's leaving on monday and :) With a little help from my mom, I prepared a feast! Hee...
The table spread included fried marcaroni ala family recipe, wholemeal bread with mashed potatoes and sauce which i learn from my grandma, strawberry jelly with milk and coke. It doesnt sound like a lot but it really is!

Then we had tea and ice cream and chocolate.
(And we realised after he left that we had forgotten to bring out the cheesecake!)

Heh, during lunch, my bro was smiling cos he sensed Najib was really nervous. And my dad went on talking about the usual stuff. My mom has really opened up to him. Too bad my sis was fast asleep cos she was on call yest, and my eldest bro couldnt talk much cos he's sick.

All in all, I think our little farewell lunch went really well :)

Data entry now. Bleah. Then going for a run around tamp w him :) A

END POST~5.21pm

It has begun! One of the best public holidays there is in sg! Cny!

~ Quiet streets (even orchard)
~ Empty malls (creepy but very interesting)
~ Good seats at the cinema (wohoo)
~ Slower pace of life (ahh..)
~ Super long weekend

What's there not to like about CNY? Other than the fact that almost all shops, sans eateries with minority workers, are closed.

Gong Xi Fa Cai everyone :)

END POST~ 9.16pm

I have this sudden urge to move to wordpress.

I dont even know why. hmm.

Why did some of you move to wordpress ah? Whats the diff?

END POST~5.36pm

* Drum rolls please *

I GOT MYSELF A THESIS TITLE!

What a relief! See, I previously had a title. I was interested in investigating the moderating effects of menstrual cycle phase on gender differences in cardiovascular reactivity to lab stress. But that didnt work out at all because I couldnt get enough females. Hence I went through this horrible break down in december because I realised that all the effort I put in since September, painstakingly monitoring these females for 2 months, came to naught, and the possibility of throwing out the variable I had been researching and working on for months was too much to handle, and I didnt know how to progress from there.

Luckily, my supervisor had made me include several other variables as a contingency and so over the past couple of days, I have been madly entering stacks after stacks of data (which should have been done in dec but then I was to busy with my lab and mopping about the possibility of chucking my variable of interest), in the hope of analysing them and coming up with a new title. So thanks A MILLION to my Nudgie-whom-I-dont-know-how-I can-survive-data-entry-without, almost everything was keyed in by Fri.

But I had no time to really sit down and analyze the data. Then I had panic attacks before meeting my sup for various reasons. But Im super duper relieved because the meeting wasnt as bad as I imagined it to be. Most importantly, after some discussion, I walked out of his office with a title! So yay! Title-less thesis, no more!

And now, presenting my thesis title:

"Individual Differences and self-reported health in predicting cardiovascular reactivity during psychological stress"

:)

END POST~10.42am