And now.....Its 9pm.

Phew. Im tired. So tired.But its over. Over. Over.

Need to focus on SC paper tmr......and FRENCH which I havent touched. Haiz.

But I must say....I think the event went pretty well. Better than I expected. So kudos to my entire team and everyone who helped me in one way or another. Thanks a lot. And heh, kudos to ME! hehehehhe

Alright. Im gonna mug now. Still in school.....Still reeling in. MUG MUG MUG.

D-day Part 1

This is it. In approximately 6 hours time, all that I've been working for as Director of Academics will come into play. Finally, the event is here. I just pray to God that everything will run smoothly. Please let there be no glitch. Please please please please please.

Will update on how the event went later.....

Please let things run smoothly.........

Achyyyyyyyy

Finally had my run yesterday after weeks of postponing it....Farhana had exams, I fell sick...Farhana fell down and couldnt run...I had work to do....So we ran. All the way to Pasir Ris PArk. Heh, considering I hadnt run in ages, Im rather pleased with myself!

But my thighs are oh-so achy now. It hurt real bad when i got our of bed this morn. Still, no pain, no gain! (even though experts might wince at this statement)

On a brighter note, I finnally got my first pay! WOhhoooo im rich!!! I have income again! Tuition is the most lucrative career for an undergraduate I tell you!

Now, if only i can find the time to go shopping. I feel like buying stuff.

Hmmm.

Make over?!!! ME??!!

Make overs. I have always thought that only vain and pompous people actually go for, as my friend puts it, glamour shots. I remember that there was this girl back in JC who went for some make over thingy and she brought the whole album of her shots and showed it to everyone. I mean....why on earth would you want to show pictures of yourself, heck, its not even how you look like cos I mean really, you dont look like that lah.Its the make up and styling and whatever.

So ANYWAY, before you think im hypocritical and all, yes, Farah is going for a make over on the 21st of March 2005....JUST BECAUSE ITS FREE!!!. Im doing it because im a singaporean. Its free lor thanks to my metro card. I'm pretty reluctant really but evryone said i should so BAH im going, im going! So its set. Just that well, its a bit pathetic really....I mean dress up and all just for a photo! There's no purpose for dressing up! farah does not dress up unless theres a purpose....i mean...i"ll be like all dressed up and no where to go..but home. So dumb. and pathetic!!!!

Ah well, on the plus side, at least i"ll be able to capture my youth!My last days as a teen. Before i turn 20. Then again, wouldnt all my other photos also capture my youth?

Argh. Cant believe im like torn whether to go or not. IM GOING LA. so there.

Crybaby

Im such a cry baby. I cant believe I cried today after watching snippets (not even the whole movie)..SNIPPETS of this show called 'Tuesdays with Mourrie'. I was in school watching it as part of this Hospice Care Association awareness program. Man, i dont even know why tears welled up in the first place! I mean the movie was about a dying man and how he was coping with his impending death due to this disease he has which would render his limbs wasted bit by bit. The two main characters were this guy called Mitch and Mourrie, the dying professor. Mitch was his ex-student. I think the show/book is about how Mitch realised the beauty and fragility of life after being completely submerged and lost in the hustle and bustle of work..it was Mourrie's final lesson for him....

There were some pretty beautiful quotes from the show...its in my bag now and im darn lazy to take it out and type....but wow. really.

I tried stifling my tears and all. Each time I felt that lump in my throat, I reached for my water bottle....but no.....one tear escaped and then the shower began. I couldnt help myself. I told myslef to suck it up cos no one else in the brightly lit room was crying! But i couldnt stop. I couldnt imagine losing anyone I love. It was too painful to even think about it.

Anyway, thankfully, the program ended shortly. I laughed it off. How silly of me.

Then had social psych proj meeting. And one of my groupmates was telling us how she lost her boyfriend the day before she had an exam last year. They were gonna get married in due time. Sad. sad. sad. But i admire her soooooo much. She was able to recount the event and all....I couldnt do anything. I didnt know what to say. I just told her that i admired her tenacity. Her will to go on. Indeed i do.

Would I be able to continue? I dont want to find out at all.

One month, 2 days left

Thats right. I have one month and 2 days left before I am no longer a teenager. I will be 20 years of age. 20. TWENTY!! 2 decades on the planet. My heart has been beating for 20 years. I have been breathing for 20 years. Yikes!! 20 years old I will be in one month and 2 days time.

Okay, now that that's over and done with, here's my Birthday Want List in no particular order! So people, listen up!!!

1) A nice big house in East Coast
2) A nice REAL red car (dont try to be funny and give me a drawing or worse, a toy car!!)
3) Money
4)MP3 player
5) A nice hottie ;)
6)Money
7)A more efficient brain
8)someone who would give me tuition for stats, cog psych and french and soci and social psych. heh, thats everything for this sem
9)A certain pink nike cap
10)Nice clothes
11) nice bags
12)nice shoes
13)A pair of shades
14)watch
15)wallet
16)a personal trainer
17)a dietician
18) nice accesorries?
19) a nice hottie with a brain of course
20) Contact lens!! My old ones are drying up!

Alright, alright....im not asking for everything!!! its the thought that counts la. I suppose your friendship and support is all i need. And your prayer. Im not that materialistic!! Oh but i beg you, do not give me stuff toys! i already have tonnes of them. My mom will kill me if i bring anymore home.

Okay! thats it for now!

and i will buy buble's CD myself!! muahahahhahahahahah. i shall buy it before any of you buy it for me!!!!!!

I NEED TO START NOWWWW!!!

Argh. I need to start my term papers NOW. Need to start on cog psych!! need to start on Social psych!! Need to study for french exam and Soci exams on tues!! Need to breathe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

breathe.

Sappy songs.

Damn sappy songs. Damn sappy songs. Ah well, I cant stop this darn song playing ard in my head!!!!
So im gonna purge it this way...here it is!!!!

Artist: Ryan Cabrera
Album: Take It All Away
Title: True
I won't talk,I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might thinkI don't look
But deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attached to you

I'm weak
It's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try ,anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

You don't know
What you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak
It's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?

CHORUS

I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true

CHORUS.

There, Ive purged it out! Be gone sappy song. Be gone!!!

3 generations

Whoa. Its a HOT day. Im hungry. Mom not done with the cooking so here i am....

I have two grandmas in my hall right now. This is weird. 2 grandmas at the same place at the same time.Haha...cant explain it really. Which means that my bed will be hijacked yet again. The couch beckons. Ah well.

My bro came out on the telly yesterday. He didnt even tell us he was interviewed. He didnt want the whole world to know. I love my bro. He's really humble. Unlike me. Heh. I mean he deserves all the accolade but he just wants to be left alone. Humble humble humble. Still, i am so immensely proud of him, you know?

So yes, to those who sms-ed me, he is MY brother. I wouldnt want anyone else for a brother.

Okay, had a heart to heart talk with my sis. I love my sis too! Im so glad that even though we are 4 years apart, we still talk to each other and can be open and all. I know some people who hate their sisters!

I love my other brother too. Yes, he can be annoying at times but he looks out for me you know.

Of course, I love my mom and dad too. I love my mom. She is superwoman. I dont know how she does it. She's done so much for me that i cannot express it in words. Plus, she's like the coolest mom ever!

And dad, my my my. I love him so much too. I pray i will make him proud.

I am so blessed to be born with such family.

Blessed.

Breathe

Phew. What a week. But hey, i survived. Aint gonna talk about the tests! I just pray I pass. Thats all Im asking for. Thats all. As for the registration booth. Im satisfied. Im halfway there la.Okay, not gonna talk abt work cos im taking a day off!!

Was napping just now(yes, a nap). I guess i needed to catch up on the sleep i missed the whole week. And boy, it was refreshing. Im feeling contented! Ahhh.....

Oh yeah, was awaken by my handphone vibrating on my bed. Farhana called me up and asked me to look outside the window. To my horror, there was a lot of smoke! A bush fire!Another one this week! Exactly one week ago, the trees around the central lib caught fire. I remember it clearly cos during cognitive lect, Winston Goh was recounting one of his episodic memories while he was in the States and i remember thinking to myself "How come nothing happens in NUS" and haha well, when me, cheryl and marisa were walking towards the lib after lect, there was this "chao ta" smell....then there was like ashes floating ard and well, i thought some people were burning incense (in NUS? i dont know why i even thought so!). Then people started pointing to the trees near the central lib. Yea, a lot of smoke and all. And now the area that got burned down sticks out from the surrounding lush greenary. Strangely thought, the contrast is well, beautiful. I must take a picture of that and when i figure out how, then i"ll put it up on the blog.

Whats up with the weather these days? Its so dry..all the leaves and grass are brown and crisp. And i mean bush fires in Singapore?

Speaking of fires, i know that i have to thread carefully here but isnt it annoying how the ashes from incense comes flying into your home? I hate it really cos i live on the 4th floor and everytime they burn, the ashes come flying into my room and onto my bed. Grr. Worse, they aftermath of the incense burning is well, very inconsiderate cos patches of ashes on the pathways? Come on man.

ANYWAY,

Ooh, Im feeling HaPpY! WHEEEEEEEeeeeee..
Hhahaha, its a wonder what sleep can do for the soul!

Oh ya, poor thing, Zhisheng was hospitalised. Went to visit him that day(cant remember when. I dont even remember what happened the whole week really. days simply weaved in and out of themselves...but hey, its the weekend now so i aint complaining)

And hey, term break is IN! Not that that means i have the right to bum cos i dont. It would sorta be a non-break for me but hey, again, i dont wanna talk abt it now cos i dont feel like it!

Gonna fetch my grandma tmr. That is if my bro doesnt need the car! I want to drive so i wont lose touch. Hmm, I had my longest drive last week on CNY. All the way to NUS from my bro's camp. Shiok man.

Michael buble has a new CD. I want that CD. But i dont want it for my Bdae justina so dont you dare give me that for my bdae!!! I want something bigger and more expensive!!! Hahhah...besides, im gonna buy it when i get my first pay next sat!

alright, thanks to all those who tagged my blog to offer me support and encouragement.

I believe....

I believe in miracles because i believe in God.

It was a horrible week last week. Well, if not for the holidays, i suppose it would have been worse. In any case, i had never use so many profanities that easily in one day. It was F this, F that, F him, F her. I felt it was justified. I was pissed. And many people were pissing me off.......urgh. And under tremendous stress. I just felt like snapping.

In anycase, this week, beginning tmr, will be tougher and even more challenging. But this time, I will remember about Allah and how He has always helped me get through things. So i will be calm and let things unfold because everything happens for a reason. I was reminded about turning to Him by Wani. Thanks babe. I hope things will come through too. I just have to remind myself that

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

So what if i have 7 chapters of cognitive and stats each by this fri cos i'll be having my first common test? And that im i/c of the dialogue publicity thingy. Haiz. But i will perservere. If it means sacrificing my sleep, then so be it. Because, i will not screw up my studies. I WILL NOT ALLOW IT. So i"ll try my darnest. And if i do badly, at least i tried.

alright, im outta here. got tonnes of stuff to do.

Gong Xi Fa Cai everyone!!!

Single as a slice of cheese and i'm relishing each moment.

Damn, I really like that simile. I think its really catchy. Anyway, felt compelled to type this post after doing my social psych readings on “close relationships” particularly this article “will you marriage last” by aviva parz. Man, after reading it, I reckon my future is BLEAK, in terms of “romantic” relationships. The article is based on a research conducted by Ted Huston, PhD. He carried out a longitudinal study on couples, tracing their relationships prior and throughout their marriage for 13 long years. This is one of the pioneer studies where psychologists strive to find the reason why people divorce. After all, in the States, divorce rates have been hovering around an astounding 50%!

Hudson found out that 1) many newlyweds are far from blissfully in love.
2) couples whose marriages began in romantic bliss are particularly divorce-prone cos such intensity is hard to maintain.
3) people in lackluster marriages might actually have a higher chance to remain married compared to their counterparts.
4) the lost of love and affection and not the emergence of interpersonal issues that sends couples journeying towards divorce.

In any case, so how does all this actually pertain to me? After all, I am single and have never been in a relationship and trust me, I do not see myself tying the knot (an amazing metaphor, if you think about it) anytime soon. So why do I feel a tad miserable upon reading the article? Because, I have a feeling that when I do meet that person, I will fall into the exact same predicament as divorcees, looking back and wondering WHY. But I know why and that’s the scary thing, I know why NOW. When I’m even barely 20.

I know my marriage or heck, even my first relationship will be doomed to failure because I have extremely high expectations. My ideal guy does not exist. And I know it. But I can’t help it. Perhaps I will be able to overlook certain peeves but eventually, when expectations fail and as the relationship gets longer, I reckon, like most of the couples mentioned in the article, I will be less accommodating. That’s where my resentment will come in and I’ll go “why cant he be like that” etc etc etc. and henceforth, the downward spiral till the eventual death of the relationship.

What’s more, I am one who craves acceptance and approval from people, especially, ESPECIALLY from my family aka my parents, 2 brothers and a sister. If I don’t get their approval for a guy, then bye- bye. You may say that when I’m in love the whole world fades away blab la bla. But that’s Hollywood baby. Being stubborn, I might overlook the disapprovals but EVENTUALLY, it would resonate in my ears and then one day, after say months into the relationship, then what? I’ll start questioning “did I make the right move? Was my family right?” or worse “I should have listened to them.”

Then there’s the bit about my ideal guy. Where on earth can such a guy exist? He who has to measure up to both my brothers and sister’s amazing achievements in life? He has to be equal or more than what my bros and sister can provide me with. And man, that’s gonna be tough. I need my daddy and mommy’s approval. Sadly, I have a feeling that nobody would be good enough for my daddy’s little girl. Even though my parents say that as long as I bring home a nice decent muslim……. come on, I know my dad. Comparisons are bound to occur. Even if they don’t, I will think it will and that my friend is what would be my downfall. MY OWN BLOODY EXPECTATION, masked under my parents’. Because beneath all that, I want him to be more than all my siblings combined. I want that.

What’s worse, considering that I’ve never had a relationship before, can you imagine what my expectations of a first relationship will be like? I have been telling myself that the special one will come. That’s its okay, I’ll be patient. Can you imagine how I’d feel if he isn’t so special after all? DISSAPOINTED. Can you imagine how hurt I would be? How discouraged? I blame Hollywood. I blame filmmakers who psycho you into believing all this fairy tale romantic notions.

But I suppose I cannot escape the inevitable. I will get hurt, I will be disappointed. And there’s nothing I can do. Because even though I have this knowledge, I know will fall into this already laid trap. And then, I suspect I will be gravely disillusioned, if I have not already.

Sighs.

addicted

And so, my friend was right. Ive become an internet junkie. Surfing mindlessly, even though i know im supposed to be doing something much more productive like STUDYING! BAh! Need to practice self control....need to stay away from laptop. Need to stay away from laptop. Need to stay away from laptop.

NEED TO STAY AWAY FROM LAPTOP

Wireless is up!

And finally, after weeks of waiting, my wireless system is fixed! Im in my room now, typing on my lap top! This is soooooo coooool.

Just came back from tuition. The kids are pretty bright. Heh, i even borrowed the P6 kid's science textbook to read. Man, when she asked me why this hinge thingy operates as a lever and not as a wheel and axle, i almost fainted! Thank goodness I managed to weave myself out of that. How the heck am I supposed to know?!! Man, i really gotta refresh my memory...and soon!

In any case, im beginning to wonder why some ppl dont want others to read their blog. I mean im sure both of you have your reasons, but i suppose i wont understand. I respect your wishes though. The link is gone ya? Hope you guys feel better now.

CNY is coming and i bloody cannot wait. I soooo need the time to catch up on my readings. Heh, i have no excuse not to catch up! I"ll have sat, sun, mon, tues, wed and thu to MUG.

Jeannie invited me to this steamboat thingy at her place. Looking forward to it....
More about the class outing yesterday. We went to celebrate ms goh"s birthday albeit belated. Grace, nirwan,melinda,cheryl,jeannie,amy,ian, ms goh and me. It was nice to catch up and chat with em. Poking fun at Ian. I want him to buy me a car!!!!!! hahah as if.

Apparently, 02a52 and 51 were also ard town yesterday! It was like "nostalgia"/ reunion day or smt! I hadnt seen Nab for soooo long although ironically, she lives in the block behind mine.
Bumped into ppl like Santhya and Kartini also. It was good to see familiar faces from the past.

Bought myself a Harry Potter book. The order of the Phoenix for can you believe it?? $7.95! Unbelievable. I wonder what im gonna do with it now. I mean ive read the book already. Ah well, i"ll just keep it somewhere till im bored. Bored? as if i"ll have the time to be bored.

and thanks sean, for the card. no one send e-cards nowadays. It was a nice surprise!

And cheryl lee is Boo! ;0

And so.....

Its been a while since i could get myself typing. I think im cracking. My head's not exploding but its developing hair line cracks. But im optimistic. I take back all the bad things i said about my subcom. I like them. I think their trustworthy. I think i'd be shattered to pieced without them.
Ive also kinda learnt to work on my own. Ive been depending too much on zhisheng. Heh, i read his blog and well, i wasnt glad to see that he thinks that im one who needs weaning. Perhaps i do. In fact, i guess i am like that. But at least im cutting it back.

Im not gonna talk abt my swaps stuff yet. Finished typing out emails to ppl...im sick of typing the same thing.

Im glad i have friends outside swaps. Its not that i dont appreciate them. I love them all. Without them, my uni days would be immensely empty. But recently, i find myself wondering....how come i dread going to the table? know why? cos i"ll constantly be reminded of work. swaps work. did you know i was so afraid to switch my pc on a few days back? that i was glad my comp hang and the connection was bad? that i rarely go on msn? i was running. i was escaping my responsibilities. i was a coward. but, at least i managed to take myself out of the wreck-ed stressed mess i was. I took a step back and begun prioritising...and im glad i did...things are looking up for me. Little things dont bother me anymore. I tell myself, if i can survive this, i will be prepared for life. LIFE. And of course, ive realised, i shouldnt be afraid to say im stressed. i was so sacred to admit it cos i was so afraid that people would compare their workload and commitments to mine and scoff. ive learnt that i am i. and they are they.

Im also glad i went for the 02a53 outing today. It was refreshing. I needed it. Yes, i was entitled to it.

till next time, i have 6 hrs to sleep cos ive gotta wake up early for tuition tmr.(yes, farah is employed!!! thanks joanne sime!)