Baba

Dear friends,

My grandma passed away yesterday.
She was 90
She was strong
She is/was the gentlest lady ever
My Baba

I cant bring myself to type anymore w/o tearing (already am)

Not gonna blog further about this.

Inna lillahi wa inna illahi rajiun.

Allahhuakhbar.

PS: Life on earth is only a transitory period. I think that in some sense, this has been a painful reminder that i shouldnt be completely immersed with my "worldly affairs". I had forgotten that death comes to us all. Inevitably. And we will be judged upon what we have done in this world. So as we go about doing what we do, i think it is wise to humble ourselves with the knowledge that in death, our achievements and merits (grades, career and everything material) will not matter. But it is our deeds, our actions, and our sins that would.

Life (or a lack of it)

Monday. School. Bleugh.

Actually, today wasnt that bad...except this morn when i got my french test back *mutter mutter* It isnt that bad lah. But I expect more of myself. Film was okay. Stats proposal approved. So yeah.

Anyway,

Had an interesting question thrown at me over lunch by su teck.

Suteck: So farah, besides academic stuff, what do you do during your free time? (ie hobby)
Me: Blank. Blink. blink.

Note to self: Get a hobby, woman. Sheesh.

Another level

So yesterday, after much anticipation, my darling and I went to Seoul Garden and pigged out.

You see, Najib didnt have much faith in my eating abilities. i.e. he thought that i was the kinda girls who'd eat a little and feel full. He even went on to say that "we're not ready...our relationship hasnt reached that level".

I say, bring it on.

And so we did. Hehehehheh. I WON!! (and theres no way you can say you gave me face cos puhlease..you looked so pained!!)

I, yes I, was the last one standing(eating) as he raised his white flag (his white wet towel seoul garden provided by seoul garden)

Muahahhahah.

But i must say lah, i cant fault him. The food kinda got boring after a while. We tried almost everything on display that after nearly 4 hours there, we basically had nothing to eat .Nor the appetite to cos everthing tasted the same.

So we left seoul garden with bulging tummies, nauseated. Urgh.

Walked all the way home. Which was great cos at least we exercised and felt better.

Man, can you imagine feeling so bleeping full that you find it difficult to walk, and talk at the same time? Hahhahahah.

Ahh...what a day/night.

Mommy!! Its over!!

Cant believe term break ends today. In fact, some friends have school today. Poor things.

Still, what have i done this term break? na-da. zilch. zero. kosong.
Note to self: Do not read Eugene's blog unless youve had a productive day.

On the other hand, as ive mentioned earlier, this week has served as a "refresher" week for me. Not that i deserved it in the first place. But i guess what this means is that i'll have to work doubly hard till the cows come home and become beef. (Sobs)

Also, it will be scary going back to school. I'll be getting back most of my assignments. Will be getting back my film project, french test and the stats proposal. Then OH MY GOD....i have A STATS MID TERM TEST ON WED!!!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

And i have a SS term paper due 15 oct
And a film essay due 31 Oct.
And a french oral in 2 weeks time
And tonnes of french hmk due this week
And a stats lab assignment...
And i havent printed out all my unprinted lect notes. ARGH.

Panic. Panic. PANIC!!

Blast from the past

Its kinda funny, looking back at old photographs. The memories; "gosh, i was that fat?!" to "oh my gosh, im fatter now" to "what was i thinking wearing that?!" Ahh. Memories. Coincidentally, i wasnt the only one reminisicing about the Dunman days. haha. Briony, thank you so much for letting me read what i wrote 4 years ago...wow. I amaze myself. Cringe.
Here's what she blogged:

An autographed entry
Before I left Dunman secondary, I passed around an autograph book for my classmates to fill.I've decided to put up a particular entry because
1) It's flattering - to a certain extent
2) The person who wrote it reads my blog
3) The person has a sense of humour
4) I wanna prove a point to her.. I HAVEN'T LOST MY AUTOGRAPH BOOK. (Read on to understand the reason to my capitalised sentence.)

First page:WELCOME.....Foolish Mortal!Muah.. Ha..Ha...Enter at your OWN risk!!!Muah. Ha! Ha!*But remember.....Curiosity killed the cat!!Hahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahaha...................

2nd page:So I see.... I see you have not heeded my warning! Fine for thou shalt suffer a fate worse than any man can ever imagine..... to read a pathetic entry by the one called F***H THE GREAT! (suspense music) Ha! Ha! HA! Yes.... you bumbling moron.... you have started reading... the curse is initiated!!! (Suspense music again) Don't quiver now... it's too late... thou's impending doom awaits!!! (Music again..... Gawd, this is getting stupid.) What is thou mumbling under thou breath? Thou does not believe in the curse that has been passed down for a zillion years? Hohoho.... you foolish, foolish imbecile!! Just you wait and see.... you'd be honkering page after page... but it isn't you... it's your fingers, your brains that will control you!!!! Soon you'd be too absorbed by the entry that slowly... slowly..... ha! Ha! Ha! HA!........

3rd page:*A lot of words telling me that no curse actually exists*She then continues: I'm gonna use up a lot of pages. So sorry.. but den again.... who cares? I want yer to remember me so I must write a lot.... right? Oh well... here goes nothing....

4th page:*Adding her personal details and answering the questions that I posed at the start of the book*

Q: If you had a million, what would you do?
A: I'd buy Briony a big house..... as if! Nah I'm buy loads of stuff for everyone.

Q: What is the one thing that really angers you?
A: Hypocrisy, negligence, irresponsibility, selfishness.... I could go on forever. (Really)

Q: 1st thing you notice about the opposite sex?
A: The way he walks, talks, eyes, hair.... the whole package basically. (yep)

Q: Would you want me to design your wedding dress?
A: Yep I'd be glad to have you as my designer.... Free hor!

Q: Do you find yourself the smartest, most beautiful person in the world?
A: I AM A GENIUS.... really! Just need to bring that brain out of my arse. I AM ALSO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL LADY THAT EVER EXISTED.

Q: What is the one nightmare that haunts you day and night?
A: Not having any fun people to tok to. Being around pple who have absolutely no sense of humour. I'd die.

Q: Anything worth remembering?
A: Meeting Briony and tormenting her school life in class.

Q: If you were to meet your idol, how would you prepare?
A: I am my own idol, so I'm pretty prepared.

Q: If there's one thing you'd like to change about yourself, what would it be?
A: Nahuh..... I LOVE MYSELF too much.

Q: Would you dye your hair pink?
A: ARE YOU MAD? Perhaps in another country but here? Pple are too judgemental and besides, I might get arrested!

5th page:Ok..... So I'm not done yet.... I promise, this is the last page... I got to finish my homework anyway!! hey you know what? As I'm writing this I wonder if this book will ever be lost! I mean you're so forgetful, I won't be surprised if you lose this... you'd better not though!! I've put in a lot of effort just for you!!! Hmph!!!Dearest Briony... you smart, funny, clumsy, forgetful person... my dear dear friend/buddy. Thanks for making my life in 4A a real blast... you're so goofy(That's a compliment) and funny that sometimes I look forward to school to 'play' with you! Be it talking about world issues, feminism(Did we?), singing practically nonsense, poking, beating the crap outta each other juz coz we feel the itch to do it.... ok...ok... that's mainly me but you get the idea.... I don't wanna flatter you too much or else your ego will be twice the size of your butt! Talking about butts, I think you should stop worrying about it unless you're scared it'll fall off.... (huh?) well well... I hope we stay in touch with each other ... in fact we must! you're really one nice person a gal can talk with..... I mean serious issues here!! you can be a debater you know! Or a poilitcal correspondant for the Straits Times/Newsweek. blabla.... it's really mentally stimulating to have a conversation with you!! That's really great coz not many pple can connect with me and my odd sense of humour. Thanks for being patient with my annoying alter ego!! I hope we remain friends forever. Go call me.....

Oh yes!! Don't forget I'm supposed to be your maid of honour!! better remember. you promised!


(CRINGE....did i really write all that Briony?)

Handover!

Yes, yet another dinner by SWAPS. When i told my sis that i was gonna be having a handover dinner by SWAPS she went like "AGAIN??" Well, not really what......ok lah, granted, I have been attending quite a number of swaps events even though ive stepped down.

Hey, but last night was a free dinner at a vegetarian indian restaurant called the Ganges at Peninsular Plaza...so why not? Plus, the 19th com gave us really nice gifts: A tiny scroll of appreciation and this wooden frame, with a small mirror in its centre and with our names written below it, and a finger puppet attached to it. :) Thanks guys! Could really see the effort you guys put in! :)

I went home yesterday cos well, the others were thinking of clubbing. Haiya, clubbing just isnt my thing. Quite frankly, Im scared to even step into one....i guess its cos my dad kept drilling into my head the bads of going to clubs.So naturally, i'd think that only "budak jahat" would go, drink, dance and well, get into trouble. I mean, i know my friends who go clubbing arent "budak jahats" but still, i guess i just cant shake that mentality off. Besides, i mean, i dont drink. I dont dance. I cant stand loud music. And i dont know why but when i think of clubs, i think of dark, dingy places. Eek. Maybe one day, i might have a look but yeah, anyway, I firmly believe that there are better ways to have fun.

Besides, i think if i were to stay out later than 12, my dad will panic. Haha. :)

Cant believe term break ends today. Havent done ANYTHING productive. Ah well, i shall treat this as "Recharge Week". After all, ive been sleeping for about 10 hours a day. Such luxury. :) But still, im a bit perplexed. Why do i look so tired when im not? I mean, i was looking at the photos i took yesterday during the dinner. How come everyone else seemed so radiant and i look so darn dull and tired? Gargh. I look so worn out. When its soooo not true. Hmm. Maybe i need to exercise more or smt. Anyone has any brilliant idea????

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Something is terribly wrong with me.

I woke up this morn (ie 1/2 hour ago) thinking its DECEMBER.

What the heck? I felt bliss. Like theres nothing to do...

WHEN ITS MID SEM BREAK AND IVE GOT TONNES OF THINGS TO DO!!!

I think my body and mind's in denial.

Someone, jolt me. Awake me from this lie I live....i mean december??!

Wasted!!!!

Just got back from IMH (Institute of Mental Health) as part of my abnormal psychology module requirement. I must say, that when i first stepped into the compound, i was really impressed. The place looks like a resort...and it didnt have that icky clinical feeling most hospitals would. :)

Anyway, i just broke my fast. But im not happy. Cos its like less than 2 hours before the official "break fast" time...but i discovered that my fast couldnt be counted cos i just got my period. GARGH. What a waste!!!! Like 2 hours more lah.

Oh well. At least i know i can survive once Ramadan arrives yet again. Yup guys, the fasting month officially starts on either e 3rd or 4th of October so yeah, Farah and her muslim friends wouldnt be able to eat nor drink for one month. :)

So why was i fasting today? Cos i owe certain number of days..and i gotta pay em back before fasting month. Yeah...Hope i can repay em in time....

Alright..im gonna eat now.

Still, 2 hours more. What a waste.

I wanna dance too!

Dance Reflection was awesome. Simply fantastic. Better than i expected quite frankly..and i thoroughly enjoyed myself! I mean, i dont usually go for dance perfomances but wah. Damn nice.

Hey cheryl, saw you dancing for the first time! Never knew you were good! :) So so proud of you! All that effort really paid off. Yeah, dance synergy was great. I loved the lighting and all too. I think it was apt to put your item first and Dance blast last. So at least the audience feel alive before and alive at the end. And Dance Blast was good man (though i wonder how come they wear such little pieces of cloth). Dance ensemble not bad too...they did this whirling thingy that i thought was kinda cool.

I must say, after watching them dance, i have new found respect for dancers. Cant really explain why but ya. And heh, how come you all look so hot on stage??????? And how come the guys are like always clad in their undies? Hahahahahha....wah, those guys can really really shake it...Never knew NUS had so many good dancers.

Yeah, i was so inspired to join dance...when i realised that dancers are slim, lean, fit and all.....NOT. hahahhahah....my hopes revived when i saw one of the dancers (you know which cheryl). hahhahah. Still, i wouldnt want to be caught prancing on stage with relatively few clothing (definitely less than i would want to) So malu lah. I cant make it anyway. Two left feet. And a back problem.

You guys should have watched dance reflections man. :)

BREAK!! wohoooo!

Its mid-sem break like finally!

Been a hectic week so yea, didnt blog...couldnt afford to cos i had so much work/datelines...

Phew.

Nice hot saturday. Am gg to watch Cheryl perform later at 7.30pm.

I think im gonna get ready soon.

:)

Yesterdays' post cos i got d/c

Wheeeeeeeeekend! Finally. Ahh...

Had an eventful day today. Had our stats project group meeting and im pretty impressed that we got to the crunch pretty quick. Progress! Ahh. :)

Then received a compliment. Apparently, Elaine wants to dress like me cos she claims I look smart. hahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha...thanks justina for relaying this to me... Yes, yes, my inflated ego..hahhaha...though Kim was rather startled by it. She thinks red is retro. Like huh? Hahhaha.

Then, i started on my stats hmk 2 which is due next fri. I havent completed it but hey, at least ive started.

Then i embarked on my first task as a journalist for The Ridge. We're doing a expose(ex-po-say..i cant seem to find the accent. Gargh) on the various coffee houses on campus. So armed with our media passes, we (me and clara, this year 1 law student) literally WALKED around campus in search of the best coffee available to deprived caffeine addicts in the guise of a student. (Eugene and yunxian..thats you) Hahaha...wont tell you our findings..look out for it in The Ridge (provided it meets the editor's standard). I must say, i thoroughly enjoyed myself...i mean we got free coffee, no questions asked when we showed our Press passes. The perks of being a journalist eh?

Oh ya, next time youre at clementi mrt station, watch out for dropping lizards. Shudders.

Yesterday was 3 months. Had dinner..watched Marche de L'empereur. Nice shows.....Baby penguins are soooo cute. I want one. hahaha....

I got a pretty plush flower! Thanks nudgie :)

Wed's whine.

Research Qn: Does mood experienced in the morning affect your mood later in the day?

Hypothesis: Mood experienced in the first few hours of consciousness would determine mood for the rest of the day.

Confounds: I have no idea..one too many.

Basis for research: Im (henceforth subject) in the mood for some catharsis (is that how you spell it)

First and foremost, subject reports feeling irritable on the journey to school.We are now going to follow subjects' emotional levels of the day.

Subject reports that her mood in the morning was sparked off by an unreplied sms. She also arrived in the lecture theatre early and sat alone. Subject reported feeling dejected. Subject's mood altered drastically to become positive when she realised her friend had not received her sms and when her friends sat beside her. Subject reports tendency to feel lonely when not surrounded by people. Condition is certified mild.

Subject's mood elevated futher upon intake of food. After completing a meeting with her CCA as a journalist, subject attempted to read her notes. She reports a lack of concentration and increasing irritability again when she wasnt able to absorb what she read.

Subject reports being able to smoother/placate her anger/irritability by focusing her energy on the fact that she was going to go out with someone later in the day.

Subject reports that by this time of the day, around 3pm, her mood was normal. She displayed chatty self. Around 3+, she reports her mood became negative. She felt disappointed that what she had been looking forward to the whole day (even the day before) didnt materialise due to unforseen circumstances. She reports trying to reason her emotions and rationalise that the other party shouldnt be at fault. Subject reports an inner conflict of emotions. She wants her friend to be happy yet at the same time, she felt upset that her friend was enjoying self. Upon feeling upset, her guilt set in. She felt guilty for being upset that her friend was happy. She reports feeling lousy and selfish. Self esteem plundered.

Subject tried to study as she had brought along a heavy bag filled with books. She went to the central library alone for two hours yet could not focus at all. Subject felt frustrated and wanted to scream as she had wasted yet another day. Monday was too tiring for her to study. Tuesday was burnt. Now wednesday. Subject kept thinking of upcoming datelines and reports feeling very anxious.

Subject decided to go home with friends. Subject reported having mood elevated again due to her chatty friends who unknowingly cheered her up. Food intake was also reported.

Subject reported feeling throbbing temples on her journey home alone. The bus was late and she felt powerless as precious minutes slips by her. She attributes this headache not to physical but mental concerns.

Subject feels better after typing this report.

Conclusion: The hypothesis that mood experienced in the first few hours of consciousness would determine mood for the rest of the day is not true. Subject experienced a myriad of emotions. Interestingly, mood at beginning of the day and at the end were identical. To do a follow up test? Perhaps. Also, note that subject have not had a good sleep record over the past few days. Irritability could hence be attributed to this. Subject is diagnosed with mild case of anxiety and needs to be around people.

Subject is tired but feels that she has to do a lot of work or she would not catch up.

Or, subject should get a good night's sleep and resume studying in a clear frame of mind.


DISCLAIMER: this "experiment" is purely based on my life. I have mixed stats and abnormal psych togther.This IS NOT how one should write a proper stats report nor abnormal psych report.

My monday.

Okay, kinda had a jam packed day actually. Didnt notice it until i reflected a little about what i did today.

Had french lecture this morn from 10-12.....i FINALLY understand how you differentiate the form l'imperatif from conditionelle present. Sheesh. Its actually the verb, conjugated the way one usually does for futur tense, and then add an "i" between certain letters. Yay.

Then, had a meeting with my fellow Lifestyle writers and Im gonna be covering a story on where to get the best coffee on campus! Its gonna be interesting..will be sampling coffee on wed before SS lect (how apt) Speaking of SS, im way behind in the readings. The sub editor (henceforth boss) kinda gave us a low down on our jobscope..so far so good. :)

Anyway, then had stats tutorial from 2-4pm and bleaurgh. I felt incredibly dumb...and im STILL confused between main effect, interaction and simple main effect and when to employ which. And i noticed something...there's 2 IVs right? Then how come during tut he kept mentioning smt about DV...where's the DV on our graphs?? HUH?!!!
Speaking of stats, im so so worried cos the proposal is due on wed...and the only time all 5 members can come together would be fri..gosh.

Film and history was at 4pm....watched Memento.Great show. You guys should watch it. I found it kinda disturbing..I shall save the review for my discussion forum. No need to replicate stuff eh?. Then i got back my first film essay..that i devoted so much time on..and i must say..it paid off :) :) :) Yay!!! Alhamdulillah. :)

Then after film, SWAPS had a birthday celebration for the Sept babies! Happy bdae, Justina, liangcai and joanna! :) And kudos to Linyen and Suteck and whoever organised the party! Was great! Steamboat and all..

And im so proud of myself..i didnt eat the chocolate banana cake everyone insisted was darn nice! Heehhehe (pat self on back)

Realise next week is the week of DEADLINES.
Mon=French test 1 and article for Ridge
Wed= stats 2 proposal
Fri= Film project 2 and stats hmk 2.

Oh dear. oh dear. oh dear.

And whoa...am tired..came home at ard 10.45pm..havent been home this late from school much these days..wonder how i did it last sem. Or was it the sem before? Madness. Ah well, i shall not sleep till i get some work/reading done..abnormal psych...maybe i shall read myself to sleep...but the book is darn heavy. Ah well, shall see how.

oh yes, run i did.

Went running with my darling to pasir ris park last night. Thought i did horribly but he kept insisting I was running ok. How I love him! Hahhaha :)

Yup. Well, at least i got off my butt and ran so im proud of myself. Yay. (applause please)

And im going on a chocolate fast. Shall not be consuming anything chocolate till my bro's birthday. Ive been snacking too much. Oh, but Kit kat chunky peanut butter is simply delicious.

Argh. its gonna be a hectic week too. Im already behind in class and im frantically trying to catch up. Can. CAN DO!

Must stay positive...and i must say, after that run yesterday, i feel that i can focus better.
So exercise IS good for your mental health too :)

Keep me away from chocolates!

Advertisement for a friend

Alright to all you people who simply love watching dance performances or who have never been to one or who simply have nothing to do over the weekend!

Do come down for Dance Reflection at NUS UCC (university cultural centre), on the 16th or 17th Sept, 7.30 pm. Tix are sold at $10,12 or 15 each. I reckon you can get you tix from Cheryl Lee...or you can tell me then i'll relay it to her..otherwise, you could also try SISTIC.

Acc to cheryl, DR is a collaboration of 6 dance groups-chinese dance, dance blast, dance synergy, ilsa tari and indian dance. Yup.

So come if you want :)


PS: cheryl, am i gonna get paid for this online ad? hahha :)

Thoughts..insecurities..

Am i really ready? Am i doing things right? Am i doing my part?

How do i make sure my relationship last? Have i been doing the right thing? Am i a gd gf? Ive asked friends for advice and in sum, they've told me to

1) Give him space
2) compromise, give and take
3) be patient
4) communicate
5) be understanding
6) not think of the end cos if you keep thinking it, it will come
7) relish every moment

Dont get me wrong, things are going on splendidly.Ive asked him about it and he keeps saying how he's never been more happy and bla bla bla but im beginning to wonder if he can tolerate my crap in the long run. Quite frankly, i dont think ive been fulfilling the above. I mean, i feel sometimes that i take too much....but i cant help it. How do i give? How?? I want to but i dont know how. Or am i already doing it? He hasnt been giving me any negative feedback..so is that good? Am i thinking too much? I so do not wanna screw this up...

My friend sums it up the best....

He said that certain times we hope a lot for something but dont receive it in a way we want it to be, then we get disappointed and take things out at each other.shit happens...
but at the end of the day...must communicate,talk and be transparent abt each other's feelings....

Oh dear lord. How? I concede, i am like that! I cant help it...ive been like that since young! Even my mom said so. She said that whenever she takes me out and when i see something i like and want, i would kick up a fuss if i dont get it. The thing is, i dont kick up a fuss (ie cry) but i think im an emotional bully. I hang my head down in shame. Its true. I think i am. I am a self centred person!

I have no idea why im typing all this at 1.30 in the morning.

No, im not insomniac. Am concurrently chatting with Winston, farhana and nadeem..mini sec 4A gathering! :)

Friday!! At long last!

Amazingly, I managed to pluck up enough courage to submit my stats hmk. Cant believe i've been fretting over it for days when its only homework. Fine, homework that will cost me 5 marks out of my total marks for exams. Whatever. Its done. I think i did my best. Thank you Justina for submitting it for me today cos its my FREE day! Wheee~ Weekends are here at last!!

Met up with Adeline, Jeannie, Xiaowen, Nirwan and later Melinda on Wednesday. Had a yummy dinner but i had to leave early cos i had datelines. Bah. I miss 02a53 sooooooo much. In fact, if you guys are reading this, I've already asked Ms goh if she's available next week to meet up before ade leaves. She said she'll try her best so yea. It would be great if we could get the whole class down or something...How's next Wed? 7th Sept? or even sat 10th sept? I guess it all depends on when ade is free right? I havent met up with amy, ave, joyce, alina and susian and angela and vemalan and chris and kit and norman and ian and huiboon(where is huiboon anyway?) for a long time leh..I miss all of you!

Oh yeah, I went for an interview to be a journalist for one of the NUS publication and I got in. It's called The Ridge and Im gonna be writing for the Lifestyle section. Why did i decide to join in? Cos ive never really been behind the scenes of any publication..so im hoping this would be an eye opening experience..exposure to journalism perhaps? I just hope I dont suck at it. Haha.

I am so so so so so proud of my darling. He's had a great week! And the thing is, he's been so humble about it and all..i guess i'll be the one who has to blow the trumpet for him! What? Im just so so so proud of him!! He got gold for his IPPT right? Then he came in 2nd in his entire company (or is it platoon? whats e diff) for the obstacle course thingy...then his platoon (or company..again, whats the diff) got 3rd place for some drill competition....and he's one of 4 recruits nominated for some award to be given out to the best recruit or smt like that! :) I hope he wins. hehe..

Oh yeah, he's booking out early tmr (8am), passing out on tues and then he'll be free for the next 2 weeks or so till he gets his posting! :) :) :)