When the dust settles too soon..

How many times have i ranted and raved on my blog about the power of procrastination and the inertia to begin work?

countless.

So what's another post? :)

I am on holiday mode. And i have an inkling as to why i feel this way. Its the 'whoosh' feeling after meeting all the datelines..where you give yourself one day to recuperate and then another and then oh boy, uve wasted 3 days.

Thought a morning swim would give me a fresh start to today but i was wrong. It only made me physically tired. (although the swim was brilliant and the breakfast (mom made waffles with butter and golden syrup) was story-book-ish. like those enid blyton books where all they do is play and after that they have a sumptious meal)

And the weather!! Its either gorgeously warm and beautiful with clear blue skies or its nice and cosy thunder stormy...

note of the day: wearing contact lenses is not gonna protect you from the Z monster.

Right. sigh, the book(s) beckons.

Two down

This has been one of the most trying weeks of my undergraduate career.

Trying is an understatement.

My dad asked my if im going to be on the dean's list again.

I told him 'No'.

If I do, great. But who am i kidding?

Whatever, chin up farah. You've done your best.
Three more papers.
Do you best and leave the rest to Allah.

Dodge

I am sleepy. I wasnt sleepy half an hour ago but i think i may konk out in a bit. My fingers are already weak typing these words.

Adol quiz. Entire syllabus. Intended to study for finals while Im at it since I may have no time later. Oh boy, i may have no time later. I just hope I do well...

Back ache acting up since I was spending 75% of my time sitting at my desk.
Physio appointment tmr at 11.30. Cant believe i have to travel all the way for a 15 minute appt. ?!

I am anticipating a hectic week.

I have a presentatiton and a report due for Lab in health. Total 70% of my grade.

I have a position paper and a final quiz for Eva Acad Arg. Total 60% of my grade.

Then that'll be 2 modules down.

The rollercoster analysis of data may potentially be coming to a conclusion. Thanks to a lecturer who's super savvy in stats and SPSS, our data looks promising again. :)

Im feeling a bit uneasy at having joined the new Psych soc sub committee for publicity. I joined because I wanted to have an extra-curricula activity again after a long hiatus. Actually, its been only one sem since I had a eca. Netball doesnt really count cos its recreational, plus I havent been going. But then now, I am afraid of commitment. I wont be able to skive off work and stuff cos the people in the committee and the main one itself are my friends. So then, its personal. gargh. I am not afraid to say it again. i am afraid of commitment and an increasing time away from studies...and slacking time...I am so afraid of being consumed and boiled down in the soc. I know this sounds weird and stuff but the experience in the 18th com, while enriching and stuff, showed me that i am not good at juggling my time. I tend to get lost.

I just want to be a part of it but at the same time, I want to have the chance to say 'No' to stuff assigned to me, without feeling guilty. The problem is, I dont want people to think that i sign up but then im a slack member who's irresponsible.

The bottom line is, Farah is a chao mugger who puts her grades first in her school domain. Everything else is secondary. I dont want to feel obliged, particularly, emotionally obliged to participate. At the same time, I want to have fun...and I want to be a part of something else besides classes, etc...

Sigh, whatever lah. First thing's first. I need to start serious mugging like tonight.
Im sick of self-handicapping myself by procrastination and not putting in all i can because I am afraid of failure.

I am afraid. yes, I am. But i have no time to be afraid anymore. I just need to do my best and focus on the task at hand.

One step at a time.

Thanks..

Pema,Melinda, Cheryl, Yunxian, lab groupmates, kweeting, daphne, kyle, xiaowen and everybody else who showed concern and helped me get around in school over the last 2 days.

Im so grateful and touched....

I am loved! heheeee :)

Went to the doc and I got myself pain killers and a referral to a physio.

Im feeling slightly better today. Im able to take bigger and faster steps.

Progress!

Poised

Its not that I am. I just happen to walk like that because of the intense pain shooting at my back each time I take a step larger than 15 cm.

If not for the fact that I am adamant in not missing classes and in not cancelling my meetings, I would probably be in bed right now.

If not for the SSC trip and a desperate meeting for my lab's data analysis, I would be in bed tmr.

Not that being in bed=not doing anything. I'd be in bed doing work.

I'm still trying to settle on a position for my GEM argument essay. Sigh. From what I've read on the forum, it seems like my classmates have been doing a lot of research in the right places. Oh dear.

I really wish I suddenly wake up one day (like tmr) with the knowledge of how to use SPSS at my fingertips. I know what Im looking for. I just dont know which buttons to press and that is tremendously irritating.

Anyhoos, my ride home is coming soon. Heh, if not for the fact that my nudgie insists I take a cab home, I'd be shuffling myself to the mrt stat and back home.

Oh, the pros of having a bf who manja-s you :)