Recap of the past few months.

Was miserable at work---> found new job--->went to Aussie for a holiday--->started new job--->am enjoying work!

In between, I've lost 6 kg from diet + exercise and aiming to lose more.

Feeling happier, healthier and enjoying life!

Yay :)

His demise, tragic. A star who shone so brightly till man tugged at the stardust and sapped the brilliance away. The star persisted. But it was too late.

Goodbye Michael Jackson. May people remember you for your amazing music.

You made me cry listening to Heal The World when I was in primary school.

And have fun rocking to Beat It on Guitar Heroes.

Sigh.

The first CD I listened to.

Heard he converted to Islam....wonder if its true.

Anyway, Inna-lillahi-wa-inna-illahi-rajiun.

I'm going to wax lyrical about star trek the movie. One of the BEST shows i've ever watched. It stayed true to the series. The script was brilliant. and the plot wasn't too complicated because the whole point was character development.. I'm pleased that they did this so well that i have a greater understanding of each beloved crew aboard the‭ enterprise. It's quite funny that the yummy chris pine would grow into william shatner tho. ha. ha.

And zachary quinto portrayed spock with such depth...and THE spock appeared! thought it.d be a short cameo so imagine my excitement that he had sufficient air time.

Heh,my favourite episode of the old series was when shatner,nimoy and the bones guy were marooned on some place and started singing 'row your boat'. remember that?

Aah,i'm so satisfied. well done. well done indeed. hope there's sequels to come!

I freaking hate work.

Does anybody out there really like what they're doing? I studied four freaking years to send emails. Wah. So exciting. Please. My brain is dying. Jolt me now.

I hate project management. People suck sometimes. Honestly.

What a banal existence. It's all about the money more like it.

Who the bloody hell gets fulfilment sending emails and coordinating stuff?

I freaking hate work. No meaning. No niche. I am dispensible. Anyone can do my job. I. am. not. needed.

Im not learning anything. 'Cept people are annoying and money is important.

Here's to the twelfth of every month!

This is my 660th post. And this isnt a happy one.

Ive been hobbling to get around as there's something wrong with my right foot. What exactly? I have no freaking idea. Sprain? Fracture? I dont know.

Dont you hate it when you have no control over your own body? For instance, what's causing you intense pain? Finding out what ailment you have gives you some control because then you'd know how to treat or manage it. But I dont even know what I have. I'm so freaking angry that the doctor I went to see last week refused to give me an x-ray. Doing so would have given me closure if it truly isn't a fracture. Why was he so insistent on not acceding to my request so much so that he said " clinically, there's nothing wrong with you". But if that's the case, why does it bloody hurt when i walk? I'm paying for it so why cant you just gimme the damn x-ray? Well, stuff my pain up yours, you pompous man. You have x-ray vision ah? Honestly, do some doctors have some god-complex issues or what?

Anyway, been having quite a temper lately.

I. Have. Mood. Issues.

And yet another 100 bucks, this time on shoes! :) Quite a deal, though. Two comfortable, cushion-y pairs for just under a hundred. Yay!

Walked by level one of the new mall. Whoa. Didnt realise I was still in tamp until I left the building and saw the interchange. Why would I ever move? We have everything here!

Note to self: Look good = feel good (even on rainy mondays)

I found a miracle pill that chases blocked nose away. Atarax. I used to be anti-pill popping cos I believed my body can heal itself with plenty of rest. Well, true. But little bitter pills help the body heal faster. Natural way good. Natural plus little boost is even better.

I've been holing up in bed since Friday night, ocassionally heading down to get food supply (cereal bars..no appetite). I feel slighty better now although all that lying down has made me light headed when standing. I tend to swerve to the left or to the right when walking. But I'm so glad the sore throat is gone. I hate sore throats. But it's a mandatory stage before the big ah-choo. Once the sneezes kick in, the soreness wanes.

Was thinking of hanging out by myself and getting fresh air. I havent done that in ages. Take a bus, take a nice walk around..and just be with myself. Oh, but the weather...grey clouds...I feel like just staying in bed and wrapping myself in blankets and watch dvds/movies. Work tomorrow. I'm so glad it was a long weekend to recuperate.

and of course,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY! :):):)

The prospect of working on a saturday morning sucks to the core. Context statement arose fr may have sparked the following thread though ive had it simmering in my head for quite some time already.

To do: Find a consistent commitment on Sat mornings (and afternoon if possible) so will remain untouchable henceforth. I would rather do a thousand things than to take freaking public transport to freaking other end of singapore on freaking saturday.

Criteria: Must be highly inflexible (i.e. cannot skip) so it is 1) valid 2) shows im really not skiving 3) shows i have a life outside work and thus can no longer be assumed that im easily available 4) makes me feel morally guilt-free cos its valid what. what to do?

Possibility: regular physiotherapy sessions or some gym things or classes.

Any suggestions, people?

Blisters are part of life, it's true. But lately, they've been a huge part of mine. Week after week, the abuse continues. My poor toes.

We miss slippers.

So I spent nearly $200 yesterday. $150 on clothes and the rest on food. I wanted to shop and I wanted to splurge but why did I feel so conflicted on my way home then and feel uneasy still? Two possibilities:

1. I regret buying two black dresses that are work-ish
2. I didnt get to buy that black dress from zara (for going out)

The more i think about it, the more I want that darn zara dress. But that would make 3 black dresses. But its so pretty..and comfy..and I want it. But where am i going to wear it to? But a girl can live with more dresses than she needs, right? I mean one can always keep in case an event crops up...and ta-da! Dress available. Hmm. Should I? Should I? (Yx is probably sick of me vacillating). Maybe I should wait it out. If im still feeling unsatiated by next weekend, Im going to get it. Oh yeah.

I have turned into a consumerist.

On a separate note, it's been a fabulous workless weekend! Pity the weather is crazy. So hot yesterday and now it's overcast. Might go for a short run in a bit. I signed up for 10k run (I know, what was i thinking after injuring myself last year training for it) and that's going to happen May 24. Heh, leaves me over a month to stop gorging self on junk and start lacing up those running shoes. I have resolved not to overtrain like before. Nice, slow jogs..thats all :) Wish me luck.

Done. So I thought I'd reward myself for sleeping at 2am and leaving my house at 7am this morning and working my butt off to get this done. Switched on tv. Nada. Nothing good on tv la. Feel so cheated.

And technically, the report aint done till its vetted, edited and proofread like for the umpteenth time. I just hope Im home free this weekend. I want to slack without feeling guilty!!!

My shoulders are aching from all the typing. Ah! Bones is at 12 :) I shall watch it and clock in late tom. I deserve to sleep. Yesh, I do!

wah. one year ago. thesis schmesis man. ONE YEAR AGO? That's bleeping fast.

Aprils' fools is in 5 mins. Wonder who shall be my first prey.

Im so sleepy it's not funny. I have to write this report. Ive made one excuse after another and now it's all catching up.

URGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH.......

hhhh.........

..........

(bang head on table)

It's raining some more. So nice to snooze.

That's why Im typing report out on my desktop instead of laptop. Cos if laptop, the following sequence of events would inevitably occur..

a. Sit up with pillows propping back up and laptop on, er, lap. Type.
b. place laptop on bed and lie on my side, propping head up with one arm and typing with the other (hand).
c. pillow supports neck and type with two hands
d. hands fall off keyboard and hugs pillow..just for a little while...just a short...while..
e. ZzzZzzzzzZzzzz


NOOooooooo!

I just came back from my meet up with Pema. We watched the shopoholic show. I wanted to shop so badly after the movie ended but almost all the shops in town were either closed or closing. What night life?

Being fat is good. If I werent this size, believe me, I'd be spending tonnes of money on pretty clothes I might wear once or twice.

Anyway, the movie is quite nice. The two leads had chemistry. The actress was quirky-funny and reminded me of amy adams from that fairytale show. Sheesh, im bad with titles. The one with the mcdreamy guy...

And the male lead looks so much like that drummer from that thing you do (who went on to star in some chick flick which i cant remember).

Anyway, this movie's probably about the same level of romantic-comedyness as 27 dresses. Enough sigh to last 30 mins after the movie ends..then its forgotten. But it was good while it lasted.

We chilled at some coffee joint after that-which explains why im still wide awake now though I think it's more to do with me trying to prolong my Saturday since I have to wake up tom (today) to write my report (I dont want to!).

Hmm. I need more long-sleeved clothes. My ugly tanline (my wetsuit had short sleeves) from redang (which was fabulous!) isnt receding anytime soon and ive exhausted using my 3/4s already.

Note to self: Never again remove shoes while in cinema ---> remember glass sharpnel in foot incident.

Oh! 24th birthday was good. Went for massage with my grandma :) Wish my parents were physically present. We webcamed the whole 'party'. And took pictures. I cant wait for them to come home.

One year ago, I was struggling to complete my thesis. Goodness, that was a whole year ago. I One year on, Im facing a different sort of struggle. A struggle of identity. Who am I, really? What do I like? What don't I? It's THE transition, they say, which, if anything, leaves me feeling unnerved. Transition to what? What if I dont pick up the signs I'm supposed to act on? What if I'm not taking the right approach and changing such that I'll be set in my ways and too late to change thereafter? If this is the transition, shouldnt I be more worried about making the right choices? About analysing how everything would impact me before I become one of those rigid adults I fear myself to be?

I'm too harsh on myself, some say. I guess I am. But Im not one to take life as it comes. I need to be in control. I want to be in control of my own development. Which is why I've felt overwhelmed and at a lost at times since...

What drives me? What keeps Farah going? The 12th of every month, for sure. The evenings and weekends where I meet up with people, people from my past...who are a reassuring presence..comfortable...I can say or do anything stupid and they wont evaluate me because they know I'm just me.

It's true what they say. As you grow older, you make fewer friends. Instead, you cling on to the ones you've had history with because they remind you of who you were...who you still are, deep down.

Anyway, I think there's something wrong with me. I'm not as sharp as I used to be. My mind cant recall as well as it used to. Once upon a time, I could say I almost had a photographic memory. I remembered details, insignificant ones as well. Now? I was at the library yesterday trying to recall the author of a book I just read a couple of weeks back. Blank. Worse, I cant remember the title of the book. Fear gripped me. What is happening to me?

My body. My mind. My soul.

Najib's going off in a few hours time. I cant believe 3 months went by so quickly. He'll be back soon, though :) Meanwhile, dear friends must call me out ok?

Two things are keeping my spirits up though.

Guess what? I bought myself an ipod nano. Oh yeah. Perks of working. Plus gov give money so hehe. shiok man. 8 freaking gigs la!

AND im going Redang tomorrow with farhana. Woot! I cant wait to just lie down with a good book and my ipod plugged in. Ahhhh.....with the sea breeze, nice warm sun.....4 days 3 nights of bliss.

When I come back, I do hope to catch up with people so fit me into your busy schedules, ya?

Hello :)

It's been a while, yes? Updates:

1. Work is fine. I've been given greater responsibility and having a new supervisor has changed things a bit. There's the peaks and throughs which I shant go into but what's important is that I think I'm finally getting into the swing of things (I'm still learning how to leave work at work and I think I'm 75% there :) )

2. Family. It's just the four of us at home now. My mom left to join my dad in dubai about a month ago. Heh, we're coping quite well. Take turns to do the laundry and clean the hse (actually, the person who cant tahan would do it). we initially thought of getting a cleaner to come once a week but after the first time, we havent called her back since. I just feel super weird having a stranger pick up after me while I loaf around at home. Plus she's so-so only. Might as well we do it ourselves. Yesterday, my bro cooked for the first time. Not the usual instant noodles cook but real food! It was not bad actually. I think the positive encouragement we gave him has fuelled him to continue. He went marketing after that.
My mom bought herself a laptop and she's picked up the whole tech thing pretty fast. She websmses me, webcams me, emails me with attachment. Impeccable! :)

3. Me. I just came back from a scrub + massage and I feel so good :) Being a working adult is uber cool cos I get to pamper myself because i can. Heh. Take that nubile young things! I'm thinking of signing up for a bikeathon in 2 weeks with najib. And signing up for a kayak one star course. And Im going to Phuket with farhana!

Woot! CNY. My fav holiday of the year! Im so excited. Empty streets, quiet neighbourhood. Bliss :)

Gong Xi Fa Cai everyone!