Im a chicken

I admit it. Im a scaredy cat.

Couldnt sleep last night cos i was shit scared after watching the exorcism of emily rose. Hey, you must understand. The movie ended at 12 midnight. The mall was empty. It was raining heavily. Worse, i had to sleep in the hall all alone.

I tried shutting the movie out. Tried watching something on channel 5 but everything was to no avail. I was hypersensitive to everything ard me. What was that? etc.
SO i went online..chatted with cheryl and nabilah. Helped a little..then farhana had to remind me that 3am was coming. Darn her. For those who watched the show you'd understand the significance of 3am.

Told myself..."sleep farah..its just a show...its just a show". so i hid under my blanket. So hot. But i was so scared to move. Then i fell asleep with my mp3 tunes playing in my ear. But nooooo, dunno why, i had to wake up at 2.45am. Exactly. Shits. Someone had switched the lights off. Great.

I was like okay.....what should i do?? SO, i hurriedly picked my pillows, blankey and everything else and adjourned to my parents room. Settled down on the floor next to their bed. Tried to sleep..but i couldnt....i was facing the toilet door...eek. Toilets arent exactly friendly places at night are they? SO i crawled in bed, beside my mom...woke her and told her i couldnt sleep cos im scared...she moved and made space for me and i hugged her to sleep.

This morn i woke up and my dad laughed at me. Tried to scare me. Sheesh.

Youre probably laughing too. But my goodness. I was damn scared lah. So relieved to see daylight.

Interests

Ive just come to realise that finding people of similar interests is actually quite hard. I mean, your idea of a good time and hanging out may be different from someone else. My point is, that you can be friends, but ultimately, your friends may not share/enjoy the things you do.

Like for instance, as i was bored, i decided to think of people who like to do what i like to do...etc. And sadly, i realise that most of the friends are the sorta friends that i can only relate to in school. you know, like bitching abt modules and the like and talk abt life and all. Theyre great people to actually sit down for a meal/movie and maybe that kind of hang out.

But how bout other stuff? The only badminton kaki i have is adeline...are there any more of you guys who like to play too?? i mean you cant play badminton alone!!
And how bout more outdoorsy kinda ppl? Anyone wants (and can) go for trekking etc etc?
How bout snorkelling? And running (ok, i have farhana to cover this) and blading (thanks karina) and other fun stuff?

Shopping is okay...but even so, the only person i ever enjoy shopping with is my sister.

Haiya, bottom line, when i go out with friends, must it always be over a meal? No wonder im fat.
Boo.

Or maybe i just dont know people well enough as i ought to?

Is there anything else thats interesting?? Huh?
I really dont mind watching movie/dinner/lunch etc...but surely there's more that friends can do right?

will i ever find people who can tolerate me and who share similar interests so that travelling with them would be fun? I would very much like to travel with friends....but with who??

SIGH.

Monday and missing my darling

So, apparently, i did nothing on friday and saturday. Its okay. 2 wasted days. I was sick..and tired on friday. Felt thoroughly down cos i had absolutely nothing to do. Then plans on saturday didnt happen...but luckily, sunday made up for it and the weekend ended on a nice note. Thanks, baby :)

Was a bit bummed that i cant have the whole week with him. That was the original plan. After his BSLC, he'd have a one week break...BUT, he was selected for something and hence, he had to book in this morning. Still, at least after months of not going out with him, that one day was really refreshing :) Im so proud him. OCS. :) $$$ :) :) :) hehheheheheh. Kidding lah. But Chris says that they earn much more than other people...hmm.

So i sent out like mass sms to some old friends to make plans for this week. Ok lah, im playing badminton with cheryl and marisa tmr and later im watching movie with farhana at night, then watching harry potter with sis on wed...then thurs/fri might go out with tini/kin/ju. Not sure bout that. At least im gg out. Sigh. Or maybe i shouldnt go out so much. I should stay home. Hang out here more often.

Anyway, if youre bored, you know where to find me.

Contemplating of getting a new phone plan. But that would mean i gotta change my number. But the plan is like way way cheaper than my current one and i get 1000 free smses. thats nuts man! :) :) :)
But to get a new handphone number? Ive had this one since i was 15!!

Anyway, winston and kenneth, how come i cant access your blog?

Karina just asked me if im thinking of getting a job. That never occured to me. And no, i dont wanna work. Had enough of work during term time. I wanna have fun. But how does one have fun alone? FRIENDS!!! where art thou?

Hmm, my student did well for her PSLE. Am proud of her. Wonder if they'll employ me next year! heheh.

Ya ah. I cant keep spending. I mean, income out...where's the income coming in from? Gargh. Anyway, bought 2 tops yesterday. Wohoo. Next, i need pants. Black ones that can pass off as both formal and informal. Then i think i wanna get a haircut. oh yea, i dyed my hair golden brown on saturday. But my hair still looks the same colour. Ah well. Dont think i need shoes...nor do i need a bag. Ah, yes, i need more jeans/pants whatever. Been using the same one the whole semester. But then, jeans are like that. You can have a whole load of them but you always end up wearing that same one.

Alright, since i have nothing to do, i shall read the books that i borrowed yest..and spend time with my paternal grandma. And maybe meet up with my mom and go shopping with her?

hehe.

Its the ho...ho..holi..ah-choo (excuse me) days.

Bleah. I mean. YAY. Ive finished my exams. Wait, i think that yay deserves a line of its own.

YAY

Yup. Sem 1 over and done. Hope i do well. etc etc etc

Right.

Now what?

After leading a highly regimental life of studying, im hit with nothingness. What do i do? I have absolutely no plans.

IM FREE IN DECEMBER, dear friends...so look me up.

Unless im sick....dreary december. Im like sneezing and having blocked nose lah. Cant even sleep cos i cant breathe.

Adeline, when are you coming back? Badminton...leh
In fact, 02a53, please let our outing happen. :)

Yunxian, Karina and Justina. Settle on a date for your birthday treat. Ive decided to treat you guys to ice-cream.

Can someone gimme a list of things to do?

Ive come up with this so far
1) Sleep
2) Recover from flu
3) Start exercising when it doesnt rain...(i prefer the outdoors, ade dear)
4)watch harry potter

Hmm.

Stupid. me.

Im probably gonna be one of the few morons to flunk an SS paper. Singapore Society. Damn paper. I went completely blank. BLANK.

I used to think that i have the gift...the gift of crapping but you know what? Im dumbo who cant even crap about singapore society. For God's sake, i live IN this society and i went blank.
I was a former Lit student for goodness sake.....crap crap crap is suppose to come naturally to me...and yet what happened?

Was i too complacent throughout this module? I think i was. If so, i deserve the miserable grade that i will most likely get.

Darn it. There goes my CAP. There goes my honours.

I WILL NEVER TAKE A SOCIOLOGY MODULE AGAIN

Feeling utterly miserable now.
I saw it coming. I knew. I couldnt even study the module. I didnt know how. So i paid the price.

Dont try to console me, saying that moderation or luck or smt might make my grade not too bad. Cos you know what? I was expecting a FREAKING A for this module. Looks like i'll never get that now. NO way.

Darn it.

It should have been in my hands.

And whats worse, the paper, on hindsight wasnt really that hard. WISH it were....so EVERYONE ELSE CAN FAIL WITH ME...but no.

So cruel. I wont enjoy my holiday at all. Next up, stats 2. Gosh, i will not be complacent this time. SIGH.

Dear God, if you read this blog, (which probably you will..in fact you know my thoughts and know what im gonna ask for...) please let me do okay for the SS paper. I know i was wrong in being too presumptious. I accept whatever grade...just please let it not be too bad. Considering that i knew it was coming, and knowing i cannot get an A unless by some miracle (hint) i do, let me get a grade that i would be satisfied with.....Please? I know i havent been good but please..

(heaves sigh)
I think i should focus for the next paper now. Pray i do better for that.

Chilly

Wah......so cool. As in really really cool. Temperature wise. you know. Of course you know.
So nice to sleep but cannot! MUST study...

One down
Two more to go...

I can do it...

I must say, the weather certainly marks the coming of december. Nice rainy days...you end up sleeping and waking up at noon..cancelling that lunch date you made with friends on account of the weather...catching a cold and having to hole up in your room with lots of tissue paper and huddled under you blanket.....when promises you made to exercise all the lard off frm the year (esp from the exam period..heh) are all broken simply because its raining so you cant go jogging....

On second thought, maybe i dont want december to come after all. So dreary.

Mug

Was in the library pretty much the whole day. 8.30am till it closed. Then stayed in school till 12.30. Did stats. Drank red bull. It was free. Wonder where those red bull girls popped up from.Hmm. Tired.

Got french back. Bad.

Got film back. Happy. Very pleased indeed.

Covered a few chaps. Can lah. Should be able to cover.

Im beginning to feel much better. Thanks for the encouragement..you know who you guys are. :)

Went swimming wed morn...damn shiok.

Also, i realised ive pretty much read every single chapter for abnormal psych and done almost all the readings for SS except for 2. Hmm :) Not bad....although i did them over the course of the sem so i cant remember much. BUT at least, ive read them :)

Heh,........cant remember what i wanted to type.

ah well. Mug away!

Catharsis

Ive started studying, finally. Not at the pace i wanted it to be, but ive started nonetheless.

Ive been crying. I cant stop crying. I dont know why. Little things make me cry. Sometimes, thinking of crying makes me tear. Like now.

Im not suffering from depression. Cant be. According to DSM-IV-TR, intense sadness etc would last for at least 2 weeks.

Maybe im having a panic attack. My temples are throbbing real bad. Im avoiding my books. Im over eating.
Ive never felt so stressed in uni before. I mean i keep telling myself
"Farah, you only have 3 exams! You have no excuse not to get As for all of them..theyre within reach...dont regret...study NOW...this is your chance to pull your CAP...come on, some people have 5 exams to put up with. YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE."

:'( Why am i doing this to myself?

I just wanna go on a holiday..or sleep and dream my exams away.

But i cant. Can you imagine, that i was so desperate to be focused/not distracted, that i told Najib that i wont sms/talk/contact him till my last paper ends. I mean, i remember, before we got together, he gave me a month off. And so I thought, i should follow suit. He's been so supportive...But you know what? Ive come to realise that im so stupid. Why am i depriving myself of the very thing that makes me happy and sane? Im gonna call him tonight. I need to. Or i'll go nuts.

Im focused...but i need to breathe.

Not that i think i deserve to but I MUST. Or i wont be able to do anything..

I just want a hug.

2 down

Im in school now...waiting for justina to have her web cast lecture break. Yes, im not kidding. I want my laksa!!!!

Handed in my last film project. I can forget about double tick lah. Sigh. Was rushing like a mad woman. Thanks justina and cherylN for calming my nerves..and offering me your laptops.

Was in the library with CherylLee. Why cant i concentrate? After lunch, im gonna collect my SS paper (oh boy) and head on HOME. Maybe im just too distracted or smt......gargh.

I MUST MUG!!!

Read AVE's (hehe) blog. Wah, i think i better read up on Islam. Malu that i cant seem to answer some of the questions man.

One down

Four more modules to go. And by tomorrow, 3 more :)

French test was hard. But almost everyone was complaining so Im relieved to know that at least, Im not the only one! Many thanks to Xiaowen and Kenneth for aiding me last evening, allowing me to clarify some stuff i just could never understand!

Also, Im glad that French ended on a pleasant note. The oral wasnt bad at all. I actually found myself able to chat fluently (or so i hope). I guess thats cos i was calm. At the end, he said "Bon" so i hope that means "Good" and not ''well...." Either way, i'll find out next thursday.

I think I had better to get started on my last film N hist project. Double tick? Yes, please.

For fun

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself: You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love: You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you: You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success: Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of: You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self: You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

I got the quiz off Ave's blog.Yup. La la la

We got a B.

SIGHHHHHHH.

I ought to be grateful but why am i unhappy? I mean i really thought we'd be deserving of at least..at the very least, a B+. I was even hoping for an A-.

Wonder which groups got A.

B

Darn it. DARN it...now i must study darn darn hard for the finals. Sheesh.

Im beginning to realise that what goes up must come down. Been having a pretty good sem till recently.

If i were to be optimistic, what that is down must go up again right? Right?

Anyway, maybe its good that I didnt get the grade i wanted not only for stats but for film and french...and who knows? Maybe even SS? So at least i wont be as complacent.
Yes, yes, I HAVE BEEN KICKED. Thank you.

Got back my abnormal..if yunxian's calculation of the mean is right, then i guess im above it. But can you imagine? I was not happy. Why? No idea. Think im turning into an overachieving freak.

Felt horrible so i went for a run yesterday.....and my gosh...exercise really is good for you....i felt immensely satisfied....and alive.

And im all rearing to go...to start mugging like i ought to.

Still, a B.

Nerves

Feeling extremely MEGA anxious........

STATS project report grades are out......Oh dear...oh dear...oh dear....

Im at home now, wish I could just run to school to take a peek at the grade.....but realised the absurdity..
Rang Justina and Cheryl Lee to no avail...Cheryl Nott's on her way to AS6 as I type this....managed to let Kim know already..Gosh...im so bleeping nervous....

We spent so much time and effort on the report....God, please......

ahh! How long does cheryl take to walk to AS6??!!!!

Patience is a virtue...patience is a virtue....Paaaaaatieeeeeeeeeeenceeeeeeeeee...

Kicked

Got back my french results....KICKED

Got back my film project 4.....KICKED

:-*

Fine, im motivated enough to start mugging.

Sheesh.

:-*

Reality Check

I think, ive been enjoying myself too much.

Perhaps its the festivities, perhaps the post-project/term paper euphoria. Or, perhaps im darn lazy.

I just realise, that I, Farah, officially have 15 days to prepare for my FINAL EXAMS!!! What the heck am i doing, waking up so late and going around as though im on holiday already?

Someone, please, KICK ME.

That said, on the bright side, i had the opportunity to wind down and relax...so i can start afresh.

Excuses.

Haha

Selamat Hari Raya!

:)

Cant believe one month of fasting came to an end yesterday as we celebrated the end of the holy month of Ramadan. Insya-allah, will get to commemorate the next Ramadan.

Went to the graveyard for the first time. Vistied my Grandma's grave...and a few other relatives. Saw someone being buried...on Hari Raya. Someone dies everyday, i suppose. Being there, i was reminded on the temporarity of life...here today but you never know when you're gonna go..

Anyway, i miss her. First Hari Raya without her.

On a lighter note, my aunt and cousins came to visit and i finally saw a new addition to our family..Baby Naqif/Nakif....so cute!!!! At least he didnt cry when i held him. :) I realise that its kinda easy to make babies laugh and smile...you just gotta make silly faces and googly noises. Haha. Though observing adults doing it is kinda funny.

Alright, thank you so much cheryl lee, melinda, linyen, karina, justina, winston, norman, kat, vemalan, manju, renu and all who wished me (apologies if i forgot to mention you)..sorry i didnt reply your greetings ya? Thank you soo much nonetheless! :)

Anyway, in the spirit of Hari raya, Maaf Zahir Batin, which translate to : Forgive me if ive ever offended or hurt you...

Alright, ive gotta leave for French make-up lessons.

Pseudo holidays!

First, Happy Deepavali to all my Hindu friends!

Im in school now..can you believe that there's so many people in school? NUS students need to get a life. (yeah, and the one typing this is in sch herself. heh)

I guess its cos datelines and project reports are due this week...like stats report due tmr. Waiting for Kim to come before we start...

Yeah...cant wait for this week to end..then i can start mugging full time.

Hari Raya's coming!

Anyway, i met up with Najib yesterday. Even though it was only for 2 hours, it was worth it. Had a wonderful time, darling. Thank you.
And you really looked gorgeous dressed in your baju kurung :)
And your hair cut :)
Whee~