Dear GEK1527,

Im going to sit for you this Friday, 2.30pm. I'm not asking you to be easy on me. It doesn't matter because I am going to ace you either way, easy or not. Yes, I will. You just wait. I'm desperate you see. You have no idea how desperate I am. Besides, God will help me :) (I hope)

Anyway, till Friday. Heh, if all fails, there's always the normal distribution..and if I have to rely on that, I hope the paper will be darn hard. So everyone dies together.

And then I can say what Ive been saying since jc: 'I believe in the power of moderation' :)

Oh, I need that A. Insya-Allah.

END POST~8.47pm

Wah. 3 down, 1 more to go.

This week has been so long and Im glad its finally the weekend. My gosh, you cannot imagine the roller coaster Ive been going through. Im too lazy to type. Besides, I read that catharsis isnt that good.. particularly ruminating.

So instead of lamenting, Im going to CELEBRATE my surviving this week by doing NOTHING :) :) :)

Then I'll be refreshed and ready to go for my final paper MCQ (muahaha) this friday, 4th May :)

To all those with exams, press on. To those who have ended, good for you! And to those who have finished their last paper as an undergrad, CONGRATS! :)

Happy happy day!

PS: My nudgie got a scholarship. So so SOOOOOO proud of youuuuuu....heeeeeee....Alhamdulillah :)

END POST~7.25pm

Who are they kidding? Why do they insist that the accessibility to firearms is not the reason behind what happened? This one pro-arms fellow claimed that if the guy had the intention to kill, he would have anyway so people shouldnt pin the blame on the current law protecting the rights of people to bear guns.

Oh please, how can you shirk responsibility for what happened? Put it this way. I want to eat chocolate. If there's chocolate beside me and within easy reach of course I'll wolf it down. If I have to walk to the mama shop to get it, I'd be less likely to get it as it requires effort.

Ok. Bad analogy but you get the picture. One way or another the gun laws over there were at least a partly responsible catalyst to the disaster! Ban them I say! Why do you need them anyway?

Aside: Why has my PID report not been marked yet? This is so frustrating.

Aside aside: How I wish I have more days to mug. Not enough time. My fault entirely, though. I have bad time management. sigh.

END POST~11.37am

4 hours, 1 packet of sugar coated peanuts and a 95% eaten pack of Lakerol and Ive only covered 18 pages? This is outrageous!

Why cant I seem to focus? Gosh. There's so much stuff I have to cover and I realise that if I bloody want to get As, Ive got to do something and NOW!

Im grounding myself as of tmr. NO MORE OUTINGS for me. So sorry 02a53, guess I wont be joining you this sat after all.

Ive got to head on down for i/o tutorial now.

END POST~3.40pm

Now that the flurry of deadlines is over, I'm left with my last RVI test and 4 exam papers. This may be rather premature to say but I dont seem to be particularly stressed about the finals. I dont see it as the ultimate end. In fact, I'm hoping to just get them over and done with, of course with maximum effort, so that I can focus on the more important aspect of my undergraduate career-honours thesis.

I had a meeting with him today to discuss the possibility of a myriad of research questions. Its absolutely amazing how the guy can think of original and thorougly thought ideas. Then again, thats why he's a psych lect right? (sigh) I wonder if I'll ever be like that one day. To be able to come up with something brilliant. But for now, Im somewhat interested in one of his ideas. I will most likely develop something within the parameters of his suggestion. He's aiming for publication. Publication! All Im expecting out of this whole thesis exercise is experience and the knowledge that Ive done something tangible that I can be proud of before I leave nus-to have something published and placed in the central library. But to tinkle with the idea of publication in a psych journal as an undergrad? Phew! That would be incredible, wouldnt it? So what if he gains first authorship? At this junction in my (prospective) psych career, I wouldnt mind not being the lead investigator. I wilfully admit that Im in no position to do so anyway because Im still raw. That said, I have to work fast and come up with a rough draft lest another person 'chopes' this idea. Still, I am terrified at the looming workload after the discussion. Overwhelming. I have to consider the fact that I have 7 other modules to take within the year as well.

Looks like I'll have to drop my tuition kids. Any takers? Sec 2 and sec 3 maths. They're siblings living in tampines so you can teach them both for 4 hours straight over the weekend. I'm hoping to stop by this June so I am looking for someone who can take over and follow through to the next year. If you know anyone interested, please let me know as soon as possible ya?

I also went for the free health checkup today. I hate peeing in a cup. Although oddly, I enjoyed looking at how fast the cup fills. I never knew that one can pee so much.

Also, I finally spent the bulk of today at the table. Havent mingled there in a while and I really am happy that I did that. It was lovely seeing Linyen, Eugene, Chris, Nabil, Shaun O and the 'younger' ones. I must say, the guys are damn funny. I think they've gotten funnier. The exchange between them-simply hilarious. I havent laughed that much in quite some time. So witty yet lame at the same time :) Can always count on the table peeps to perk your day (give you advise, stone with you, talk with you, help you with work and more...) :)

And to my friend who's going through a tough time now...hang in there man. Things will look up! So smile, ya? :)

Aside: I hope the arts canteen is done by next sem. I want routine back. I dont want to have to think of where and what to eat anymore. Bah.

END POST~2.02am

So freaking boring. gargh.

I keep falling asleep while studying for issues in dev. Such a hot, sleepy day.

I tried sitting at my table to study but then my back, shoulder and neck started aching. I tried lying down and found out (not surprisingly) that i had successfully read only 1 page before concussing.

I want caffeine. But Im sick of coffee, tea and redbull. Coke does not work at all even though a few friends have suggested that.
Munching on food is getting mundane.
Music distracts.

How like that?

END POST~2.05pm

I cannot tahan when someone comments that I've put on weight. Especially when they say it with such wide-eyed disbelief like it's some contagious disease I have.

I KNOW ALREADY!

Im not bloody oblivious to the fact that I cant fit into some of my clothes. Or that my eyes are disappearing when I smile and my cheeks engulf them.

BUT Im doing something about it alright? And even though Im fatter, Im still fitter than a lot of those skinny people I know ok?

Sheesh.

I mean really, don't relatives have anything ELSE to talk about? Or is it because we meet once a year, so they have nothing to talk about, therefore heuristically, the only salient thing that comes to mind is appearance (here being my weight).

Bah. Cant you even say it with tact? My aunt went "WAH. Farah, youre SOO fat! what happened? you better be careful or else you become as fat as (insert cousin's name) who's SO fat now."

How would anyone react to such a thing? I merely retorted 'stress la'.
Then some kaypoh woman across the bed from my grandma's (nenek got hospitalised this morning for observation) said "Yah, these days, young people when stress eat so much". Erm, who are you again?

.......

I wanted to scream. But my poor grandma. I love my grandma too much to roll my eyes at that aunt in front of her. So as hurt as I was, I smiled. My purpose was to visit her, not the others.
Then I left the ward. I guess I'll go back when no one's there.

END POST~3.44pm