I think I'm stupid.

I cant articulate my thoughts.

I cant see the bigger picture.

I might as well just accept the truth.

Book smart. That's all.

Today marks the start to my second 'out of office' period.

I'm attending a course related to my work (psych,yay!) only it's held in an unlikely location. The hotel itself is alright, being brand new and all. But why oh why must it be there? Kinda inaccessible. Oh well.

The course has been interesting so far, with delegates from as far as uganda attending. I havent really gotten down to interacting with others because there arent really that many opportunities. During the breaks, my fellow coursemates were huddling over their course materials whilst cheryl and I happily had our tea and helped ourselves to the chocolate eclairs. Heh.

Aside: the course facilitator's kinda cute :) He could have passed off as a model me thinks, except that he has a slight paunch which was cleverly concealed by his blazer.

And homework. I have homework! Every assignment is scored and will count toward passing or failing. I want to pass!

So off to complete the assignments! I love being a student again :)

And so my short little break away from the office comes to an end.

Hari raya was alright :) Nothing big this year since dad aint here to cook up a feast. Had a few close friends over, mostly impromptu. So grown up, right? They greet, I invite, they come, we enjoy :) I have spontaneous friends :) Photos on fcbk!

Man, I'll have to jostle with people on the train home tmr. No more reaching home before the sun sets. Money will be burnt on lunch. hrm..

Oh well, it was good while it lasted! Besides, vacation in 2 weeks! Woot!

You know, if SP makes it to VP, I dont know what to say. Have you heard that woman talk? She goes round and round and doesnt really address qns. I know that look. I know that face. I know that kind of talk. I do it all the time when I dont know what's going on! I pretend to know what's going on. Which is exactly what she's doing! Cant her supporters see through her?

How on earth did she even end up leading a state to begin with?

Heh, imagine if the rep. wins the election and somehow SP has to meet sg's MM. It would be really really fun to watch the conversation, wouldnt it? :)

It's been almost a month since I last published a post. Actually, I have 3 backdated posts which I typed and saved in my email account since I dont want to access blogger from work. I just never really got down to publishing them till, well, now!

I'm free-er and less lazy cos Im on LEAVE! :) Half day leave today. Leave tmr. PH wed. Course (aka slack time) on thurs and friday....wheeeeeeee~ Im loving October already! :)

So here are my previous posts :) Some of which arent really worth putting up me thinks but ah well.

Tues, 9th Sept

Well. Have you ever felt so pressure cooked to complete something in one moment and then feel utterly bored in the next?

That's what happened yesterday. Before I get to that, a little context: I've been working on this presentation for our client for weeks now because somehow, the meeting keeps getting postponed.

To cut the long story short, my sup jumped the gun and sent my draft of the presentation slides to the big bosses. My colleague and I were in fact, making drastic changes while awaiting our sup to get back to us. Monday morning, I checked my email and I was shocked that she sent the slides to the big bosses for their input. Now, they're very busy people right? So I had to act fast otherwise they would be wasting their time making comments on the wrong presentation. Urgh. So I explained to my sup that I felt uncomfortable and she was agreeable to informing them about the mix up-so long as I emailed them about it. So I spent 20 minutes crafting an email because it's my first official email to either of them. I told them about how I'd send them a revised version the next day. I obsessed about the sent email some time later, regretting how convoluted the email sounded. Then I realised I imposed upon myself a dateline. Problem? The presenter was on mc and I needed her input. So I had to interrupt her rest. She was kind enough to offer her input so long as I email her the slides. So then, I told her I'd send her that night. After all, no point sending her a lousy version. Then I realised that I dont know how to tabulate the data for a particular component which she was handling all this while. Afraid of being a pain to her, I immediately sourced for help and found it in one of the admin staff who's super super nice. So all's settled right?

This morning, I checked my email. Boss lady said she didnt see my email and had by then worked on the previous version and that I'll have to incorporate her comments into the new version. At first, I wanted to slam my head on the table. But after looking at her comments, I didnt feel too bad. At least 25 %, if not more, would be addressed by the new version. PLUS I wont have to rush to submit to them the slides today :) So I'll be able to work on it together with the presenter tmr.

Fantastic right? Which means I dont really have anything to do for the rest of the day. Yay!

Im bored, though.

Thurs, 4th Sept

Ok la. I'm having a happy day at work today. Know why? It's all in the tude. The ATTITUDE.

I'm pleasantly surprised just how powerful a change in mindset is. I left the house feeling blah about having to go to work again and I kept replaying yesterday's post in my head. How I made that declaration that a part of me has died.

Then it hit me. I can change this. I can change my outlook on things. I have two choices: whine and sulk or suck it up and try to reclaim 'me'.

So I strode into the office today, chin up and smiling. And it's amazing. Everyone suddenly seem nicer today :)
I'm having a super day now. Plus im happy cos i'm knocking off in 2 hrs. Woot!

Anyway, moral of the story: If any of you feel like crap going to work, change your outlook and presto! If that doesnt work, well, hmm..

WED- 3rd Sept

I think a part of me has died since I started working. I'm no longer as bubbly, as vocal, or as caring.

I'm too malleable for my own good I suppose. I moulded myself to meet the work environment at the expense of my personality.

The worse part? I'm actually ok with it. I went through some discomfort initially, hence the "I-hate-work" posts. But now, I realise how easy it is to just sit in a corner and not make a sound. That way, zero accountability. Anything, just put on a poker face and say I dunno or not sure. All these years of being brouhaha about things when I could have just sat in a corner? Gosh, if only I had known earlier!

Heh, I have become the perfect office worker. Yesterday, this colleague came up to me and started excitedly talking about something and the only thought in my head- "Oh my God, oh MY GOD. She's gonna make me do work. Please no....keep smilling and nodding like you care...keep smiling and nodding like you care...oh no..."

Ok. I've just read my post. This is quite bad. What happened to my work ethics and personal values?

Nah. Dont have any. For now. Maybe I'll do a 180 when the time comes. Ok la. I do have some semblance of it still (this is where I try to manage impressions on me). I mean if they give something which I feel is of value and for significant purposes, then of course I'd do my best. (/impression management)

Till then I just wanna have a pleasant work experience and do what I have to do.

Awaiting pay day~

One of the things I love about Ramadan is the evenings/nights. Somehow, the nights in Ramadan seem more peaceful then nights in other months. Perhaps this serenity stems from the contentment of having successfully endured a whole day's fast. But Im pretty sure this bliss Im feeling is something else. A spiritual thing? Hmm. Either way, I feel cleaner-inside-out. I feel at peace with myself. It's only been day 1 but one thing's for sure: Im gonna start cherishing this blessed month.

Another saturday of shopping :) I didnt go as crazy buying things today as I did last week. Bought some make-up and a decent going-out top. So that top brings the total number of nice going out tops to 3. Now that Im working and have the moolah, Im trying to move away from the usual polo tee-shirt get up that I'd survive on in uni. Not that Im anti polo. I love polo tees. They're so versatile. And comfy. And safe. Especially for days when I just feel like blending into the background and not be noticed. At all. Or for trips nearby. Or go running errands. Anyway, Im just glad I have things other than polo/t-shirts and work clothes when I meet my friends or whoever over the weekend :)

And, I realise, I have no qualms spending as much as 50 bucks for a non descript top. Thats crazy by my standards a year ago. CRAZY. Oooh, I love working. I love MONEY.

Stocked up on groceries for fasting month too. Isnt grocery shopping fun? Good thing giant is a 5 minute drive from home!

Aside: Will the people stop burning stuff like right below my block. I understand that they have to do it cos the 7th month is coming to an end and stuff...but cant they just burn somewhere else? I live on the fourth floor. So the soot come in through the windows, stenching my clothes, hair and everything else. But that's not the worst. The worst thing is that my throat burns and my lungs suffocate. Ask my friends who smoke. They know I cant even be around the..er...smoke cos my throat is super sensitive :( I cant wait for this month to end. One more day! I think.

On a happier note, I knock off work an hour earlier during the fasting month so I can reach home in time to buka. My supervisor is so sweet :) Well, the rationale is that I dont go for lunch so technically, Im working the same amt of hours as the others. So there. :D

Yay~

It's a dreary looking day outside. The sky's overcast, the pouring rain has now thinned to a drizzle but still, I am contented.

Rain or shine, weekends are simply the best. If it rains, i stay home and watch dvds, tv or surf the net in bed. If it shines, I might head out shopping/movie/meet up w friends ard my neighbourhood (because i refuse to take public transport on weekends after all that travelling on weekdays)

Ahhhhhhh.....

I can finally breathe again now that my blocked nose -and work- has cleared up a little. Anyway, the new zealand trip ive been planning to take with my sis might not happen since we might be visiting our daddy instead! I kinda miss him. It's only been 2 weeks but it feels like months have gone by.

And sigh, let this be a precaution to all: think very carefully if you want to get a pda phone. The thing jams a lot so expect to send it for servicing on a regular basis.

Oh! Yesterday my my sis, farhana and i went to watch the fireworks festival. First time on the floating platform..and no, it doesnt feel like its floating sadly. The fireworks were brilliant but it lasted only for a while. I was expecting displays from a few countries at one go but only the french presented their yesterday. Pretty. I love fireworks :) After that, a local band played and everyone started leaving. So poor thing. They were really good! So we stayed on to watch them play. The last perfomance was this magician. Ok la. Then the journey home. Goodness. Jam-pack la. Worth it? I dont know. Maybe public transport is a good idea when heading out to town on weekends.

I cannot wait for this week to end. Oh my GOSH. I so want this presentation to be done with already. I was pretty much the last to leave work the last 2 days working on this darn thing...

Oh sigh. But at least, im doing something psych related and familiar-data analysis- so Im quite satisfied la. At least im using my brain.

Tmr, im working from home. I have this irritating paper to write by tmr and Im supposed to finish my data analyses and presentation slides by tmr so Im hoping that staying at home would cut down time wastage, i.e. travelling.

Plus, Im sick. Yup, i am down with the flu. In fact, so many people ard me have been sneezing and coughing. Oh dear, my head feels so heavy. I just wanna sleep but I have to at least complete something tonight.

Thank goodness my sup is super nice. I was supposed to send her the slides tonight and I was prepared to stay up to do it and email her by 10 plus but she sms-ed me, telling me to continue with it tmr instead.

PHEW. Im tired. I'm probably incoherent. Why? Because Im typing, watching the news, and trying to breathe.

Behold the nearly midnight rant.

I'm back. Came home on sat night and Im still tired. The trip was alright despite 2/3 of it being work. I suppose having the comfy king size bed in a luxurious hotel room all to myself made up for things. Service was fantastic too. I'll blog about that later. For now, im tired.

Plus I skipped breakfast. So that made me pretty cranky this morning. I was inches away from snapping at people just because. I felt really really low but the day picked up after lunch. I left the office late cos i had to crunch some data and im still not done running the analyses. I tell you, we were definitely not taught how to use s..p...s...s thoroughly and effectively in school. Now I have adopt the trial and error method. My eyes. The numbers. Urgh.

Met up with pema later for dinner and we conclude that: work sucks but money and the quest for life and professional experiences motivates.

And i have this urge to get myself another piercing on my ear.

Right. Just like how i wanted to dye my head black/purple back when i was in year 4.
The things I do plan to do but might not even do when im feeling stifled.

How many times have I mentioned that things are starting to look up at work before something happens and then I change my mind? Well, thats work la. But today, I had a good day :D

I love it when I finish assignments well before the dateline. I sleep better. So I toiled the evening yesterday and I managed to complete the report around midnight. I was so proud of myself because I havent been properly trained in handling such information but it suddenly came to me as I typed it. And wa la! Alhamdulillah :) My colleague (that one) read through and made comments on it and all and I did learn quite a bit. Actually, she's quite a good person to learn from cos she's super 'strict'. So, I'm definitely more confident about doing up such reports in future and in a way, I think I'm a bit more prepared to handle interviews too.

Aside: I kinda like this new colleague who came in last friday. She's super easy going and I managed to spend some time with her today as we were the only two newbies at this convention. Yay! A new friend :)

Anyways, time to pack! Will be back on Sun morning!

Bite my tongue la.

I talk so much now I have SO MUCH WORK to do. Well, there's not so much work but whatever I have, I have to complete asap since I'm leaving to jakarta for 3 days. Bah. I have to stay up tonight to finish a report. Please God, help me do a good one.

Yeah, so I'll be going to jkt for work and I guess I'm quite excited (except for the whole clearing up outstanding stuff before leaving). I've never flown sq before so yay! And I received word today that I'll be staying at the marriott and and and I'll have my own room with a king size bed! ROLL!

Aside: Dad's safely landed, Alhamdulillah. I'm starting to miss him.

Alright, back to work!

I've changed my outlook on two things. Firstly, my wide-eyed patriotism and belief in the system has waned tremendously. Dont get me wrong, I still think that Im blessed to be living here. Alhamdulillah. And I must never forget that. Provision for the basic needs for human survival and peaceful co-existence with others of differing faiths, etc is imperative and so Im glad that we have it here. But beyond that? I dont know. All I know is that Im not that naive anymore. And that's that.

Secondly, I've definitely mellowed down. I used to be very competitive and ambitious in getting to the top. But having witnessed (being at the receiving end of) office politics, I think it's not worth it. Why cant people just work together and be nice to one another? And im not even working in a profit making org. ?!. I think back stabbing and putting on pretenses in front of the bosses to project a favorable image is shallow and pathetic. Let it be that if I were to ever get promoted, I get there through the quality of my work and by respecting those around me. Maybe meeting her is a blessing in disguise. Because she is indeed a negative example and I pray I never end up like her.

Enough sombre-ness. Super long wheeeeeeeeeeeeeenkend~ I claimed my half day leave yest and im on leave on mon :D And I no longer need physio cos Im kinda 'cured'.

Happy Weekend everyone! :)

I am typing this at work now on word and I'm gonna paste this on blogger later. I am feeling rather frustrated today due to a culmination of reasons. The first one pertains to my colleague. I can't place her. There is just something about her which annoys the hell out of me but I've been patient (you're talking about me here) with her simply because I cant ascertain if she's being like this on purpose or is she simply like that. What exactly?

Well, she's uber temperamental and the worse thing is that the changes are super subtle and quick that I don't know how to react! URGH. I mean one moment I feel like she's the office bitch and the next she's nice to me and all and then she's not a bitch anymore and then I feel guilty but then she does it again! And the cycle continues. I've never encountered such a person before and I'm quite lost as to how to respond to her style of interaction.

That said, I'm also frustrated because I feel under-used. The dendrites in my brain are shortening and my cells are shrinking. I need mental stimulation. Yes, it's not the peak period. I get it. And yes, it's only my first month. But I want something engaging to delve into. I might change my mind about this but till then: I miss school. I miss academia. I miss research. Although the thesis saga did not go down very well, I still very much love research. Literature review, running experiments, running stats analysis…I miss that rigor. At least that is personally fulfilling.

On a happy note, I can access utube after all. Listening to 'I'm Yours' by Jason mraz is calming J What a happy song.

The monday blues didnt hit me as bad today as it did last week. Sat and Sun didnt fly by so quickly this time round so I was able to savor every bit of it and oh, how splendid it was :)

After 2 months of recuperating from the backache, I finally ran on sat. It was a lovely evening and I managed to catch the sun set. Beautiful. The lush greenary against an orange-blue sky. Ahhhh... I tell you, I'm so blessed to be living here. My estate is probably one of the best estates in spore. As I was running, I bumped into the usual joggers. The amazing ah pek who's stamina is like woah. He runs back and forth countless times. The auntie who alternates between walks, jogs and cycle, depending on her mood, i suppose. The girl who jogs while daintily clutching her handkerchief with both hands. But I guess I missed the others since I arrived at the park connector slightly before 7 instead of the usual 6pm.

After the jog, I met up with my ex-fri-lunch girls :) We were chatting and eating and having fun that time simply went by too quickly!

Sunday. Family day. I decided that sunday would be bontot-my-parents day (tag along with parents). I havent gone out with them..just three of us..in what seems like a long time. We explored pasir ris together as they havent been to the new mall at downtown east, and we discovered tonnes of halal places to eat at. And my my, what a feast we had. We started with sushi, then satay, roti john, mee rebus, ice cream and cake. On me :) There's nothing sweeter than surprising parents by footing the bill. They've given me so much. I owe them everything.

Sigh. My daddy's leaving next monday and hopefully I can get the day off. The last time he went away to work for a few years in the mid east was when I was ard 2-4. In fact, my first memory ever can be traced back to that time. I remember following my mom to the post office where she made trunk calls in a private booth within the post office. I remember waiting for his letters and I remember my mom/sis reading his letters to me. In one of them, he said that he wanted me to write and if I could, he'd give me 5 bucks. And so I did :) I dont know what I scribbled but I remember attaching a drawing as well. I was trying to draw my family and I can still clearly recall how frustrated I was that the people ended up looking like weird monsters with super long limbs. I still keep the letters from yesteryears :) And that drawing is probably still in my 'memory' box.

This time will be different. Emails, phone calls and even webcam :)

Anyhoos, I cannot wait for my pay. Gosh, how many times have I mentioned that in my posts? I already have a mental list of things I wanna get once the dough comes in.

Money money money.......MONEY! I want.

I can't believe it's finally done. After months of resistance and putting it off, I have changed my blog skin. You see, over the holidays, I've been searching for skins which are simple, clean and pleasant-looking. I came across a few but they were either too complicated, too teenage-y. And when I did find something vaguely 'me', I encountered problems fitting html codes into the new skin. So I gave up. Then ever since I started working, I just couldnt be bothered. And I guess in some way, it affected my mood to blog.

So I'm excited now because I was just looking at blogger's selection of skins and without much thought, I clicked this one and wham! It's done! And Im loving it :) Simple. Clean. Green. I've decided not to keep the tagboard because people hardly tag and pop-ups keep appearing. So do leave a comment instead, ya? :)

And I've been doing a little thinking. I know that my previous posts seem to indicate that Im not finding a sense of fulfillment in my new job. That is still, alas, true. But the sheer fact that I am employed leaves me grateful. And it's timely that I got reminded that I cant have everything. This is my first job and Im only into my first month or so. I shall give it time. Insha-Allah, i will find meaning in what Im doing. Meanwhile, i shall take things in stride and learn as much as I can.

Whee~ Changing blogskin is therapeutic. It's like buying a new and pretty notebook and itching to write in it :)

Random question.

Why are there two versions of the national day song? One is english and the other in mandarin?
Are there two other versions Im not aware of? Say, in malay and tamil?

END POST~7.49pm

I was reading yunxian's blog about how it sucks to feel completely incompetent. Believe me girl, you are not alone. I've been feeling like that the whole week. Why am I here? I dont know as much as the others. Im new, yes. But I hate not being in the know. I am not as sharp. Im not as knowledgeable. Why am I doing here?

So that's work. Ive been doing mini things here and there...and I got my first weekend work to do because someone didnt tell me she needed her stuff by monday morning sooner. ah well. Thinking about the money helps :D

Well, there are so many things to blog about. Nudgie's back in auzzie...but he'll be back in 3 months time for a whopping 3 months break so yay!

Other than that, I can only remember a few things that happened to me the last couple of weeks. I slip and fell down the flight of staircase outside gv marina and the only way to break the fall was to hook my arm to the rail...and so I ended up with a bruise I named bruce. I took some lovely pictures which I'll put up another time :D

Im going to lunch now! I guess I'll resume blogging another time. Happy weekend!

END POST~12.31pm

Commencement came and went. Just like prom, the highlight of the night was taking photos with friends :) Seriously, the ceremony was uneventful. The guest speaker and the valedictorian gave awful and uninspiring speeches, so much so that I wanted to grab the mike from them and deliver a better one. I think we all deserved that. What irks me even more is that the valedictorian wasnt even from psych. She was some el/lit major, who, by the way, probably embarassed the dept for she was truly not what one would expect from a el/lit graduate, first class no less. Pardon me for being critical, but I do think that someone from psych should be the one up there, given that majority of us were from psych. Or at least someone who can articulate well and can show a bit more enthusiasm in his/her speech. And everybody knows that one should NEVER inject more than 2 quotes in any speech. She inserted countless quotes, and, as if to show that she's well rounded or smt, she gave quotes in english, german, french, jap and korean...and she quoted shakespeare (Wah) twice or 3 times. We were all rolling our eyes by then. And she was super blur at the end when she was supposed to give the cue to throw our hats up. So in the end, the ceremony ended with balloons and streamers but no flying hats. Boo.

But other than that, I had a great time snapping pictures here and there. And the event was made memorable because my loved ones were present... :) Despite the fact that the ceremony ended around 9 plus-10, everyone's mood was high, chatting, catching up and taking pictures again and again. How often would we all be at the same place again?

That said, thank you so much nudgie for taking pictures the whole night :) I've uploaded them on fcebk.

Work wise, I was able to speak to my team mates a few days ago over lunch..about lunch. It was just the 3 of us so we had a lovely chit-chat and I think I kinda bonded with them :) So everything's looking up at last! Work's coming in at a steady pace too and they've asked me if Im willing to start working on a project. I think I might be ready but I told them I'd think about it. :)

I calculated that in the last 3 weeks since I started working, Ive spent a whopping $750 bucks. The downer is that I wont be getting my pay till August cos I joined after the 'window period'. Right. SIGH. Which means, Im going to be a miser for the next few weeks else I deplete my savings.

But before that, Im going to blanja my family dinner cos im supposed to get my pay and I dont want to wait till august since my dad is flying off so yeap..im digging into my life savings yet again.

B and I had an adventure-packed day yesterday. We went to sungai buloh and then to night safari. Ive never been to these places so Im really glad we went! :) SB is a lovely place to go if you want to get away from humans. NS on the other hand...it was so crowded so much so that tranquility we enjoyed and took away from SB was disrupted. But it was fun anyways, sitting on the tram, enjoying the view and the animals...and the live show was superbly entertaining.

Till next week, have a lovely evening :)

END POST~5.20pm

OFF DAY!

Wah, it's so shiok to wake up at 9am instead of 6.30am, especially with the cool, rainy weather! I miss being a bum.

Commencement tonight at 8pm and I'm a little bit nerved up. Why? Because there's so many things to do. I'm not anxious about the ceremony but everything else. I have to make sure my family members arent bored as I take pictures with my friends. I have to make sure I find my friends in the possible chaos that ensues after the ceremony. I have to ensure that najib and farhana arent bored. AND I have to look good. Stress!

Breathe. Everything will work out well. It's my day. Breathe. :D

Please God, I dont want to fall on stage :P

END POST~10.49am

Home early today! :D Feels good to come home early to a hearty meal too.

Mel's commencement today so cheryl and I made our way to ucc. Mel was so happy :) Congrats dear!

And today was baby's results. CONGRATS nudgie baby! Alhamdulillah :D My darling's a genius eh? :)

Alright, Im going to unwind...ah...home...

END POST~7.49pm

Week 2 and I feel like I've picked up quite a bit. I was given a few tasks-thank God- so I wasn't too bored with work. Im actually looking forward to get into the thick of things. Come on, pile me up with tasks. Make me busy so I wont have to lunch!

Lunch. I used to love lunching cos it offers an escape-from classes, etc and you know, it's super relaxing. But now? I actually hate it. On workdays, of course. For several reasons
1) It's some unspoken rule that everyone in the team would lunch together. ??. including the bosses.... ?!?!
2) I'm still trying to find some common ground with them and it's taking longer than usual. I'm a people person. But seriously, this bunch is taking super super long to warm up..SIGH. But at least I see progress, altho, even among themselves, there are awkward silences.
3) I'm a creature of habit. I like to eat at the same place most of the time-and eat the same thing. It saves me the trouble of thinking...which brings me to..
4) YES, I EAT ONLY HALAL FOOD. And because of that, I feel horrible every lunch time because I feel it's MY fault that they cant eat wherever they want or that they have to take extra effort to make sure I can eat with them. Which in turn, only serves to remind me that it's because of me. me. me.

There are 2 ways to reconcile this:
1) Dont force me to eat with you guys cos im totally fine eating alone. Really, please dont feel bad. Im happier that way. Besides, I'm dying to try the cafeteria which they have been avoiding (dunno why..i mean they sell bao-s! I LOVE bao-s).
2) I can ta pao lunch and eat wherever you guys wanna eat. Im totally cool la.

In sum, dont make such a big deal out of it because it only makes me feel worse. I mean, just do what you guys wanna do and I'll try ways to get round it. Take for eg fri. They ate at some hawker place and I bought tea and some pastry from the confectionary nearby. I was perfectly contented with my meal...except when they kept asking me if thats all im eating. So in turn I had to cook up a lie saying Im full..had a heavy breakfast etc so long as they shuddup.

Hm. Yeah, I think I'll do that. I'll have a super duper heavy breakfast and then for lunch, I think I'll just snack on fruits or sandwiches I pack from home.

And hopefully, work will start piling so I can skip lunch altogether!! :D

And woot! Fasting month is coming!!! :D :D :D

Other than the social aspect of work, I'm actually quite proud of myself because I made a suggestion and my boss said it's a good one and that it might be implemented! :D Aiya, very minor la. But it's given me the confidence to just speak my mind. Besides, it's my first few weeks and my first job. I think I deserve being an office idiot! :)

So that would be my personal work motivation for the year: Think, Question, Push, Change.

Work aside, I find myself too tired to sit in front of the pc/laptop to blog. It's the travelling and early mornings, I tell you. So heh, my weekend posts will be quite long from now on :)

Nudgie's back and we've been spending time together. He's so skinny now...need to fatten him up! Other than that, I had a therepeutic meet-up with pema a couple of days ago, and I went down for the psych camp for a senior-junior sharing session, where I met so many people I havent met in ages. It was a very nice feeling, coming down to nus after work and seeing other friends who came from work too. Then a few of us had supper and just started talking about nothing and everything. I miss these kinds of meet ups.

My dad's birthday was on fri and it was, at least from my point of view, an emo one. I nearly cried when my nenek doa-ed. Okay, my nenek has this way of really doa-ing. Anyway, my dad has been posted overseas and he'll be leaving in a couple of weeks time. The last time he worked away from home was when I was 3-4. So I gave him a webcam so in that way, we can still keep in touch! In fact, I was just teaching him how to use it on msn! :)

Tomorrow is my parent's 31st wedding anniversary. They got married on 7/7/77. So nice right? :) Alhamdulillah, my family has been so blessed. And farhana is coming home for good tmr too! Then on wed, its my commencement and I applied for leave so I'm off!! :)

END POST~2.06pm

Hello :)

I've been away for a while, havent I? I was settling down and getting used to the work-sleep schedule.

Work's alright I suppose. The people are nice although they're somewhat intimidating, in that they're super 'on' about work and they know so much...and they speak proper English. SIGH. So I find myself having to make a concerted effort in picking the right words and phrasing my sentences properly when talking to them. So tiring, can? Thank GOD I have cheryl to listen to my outbursts of singlish.

So I got my work area. Quite a roomy cubicle and Im issued with a new laptop. On the bright side, I'm situated near the corner of the office and so not that very many people would walk past me. Plus it isnt as cold as other parts of the building. On the downside, I cant access hotmail and other fun stuff, although there's wireless sg and computer terminals in the lobbies so I can access these sites from there.

Spent the entire week familiarising myself with the org and the job functions. Meetings, readings...and my very first report writing. It's quite scary to be doing real work. I'm just so scared Im gonna screw up. I mean, if I screw up my grades, its my problem..but this...this is different. Anyway, I guess I just need to believe in myself a bit more. I got chosen for this job for a reason. I must be in some way competent enough for them to hire me.

Collected my gown a couple of days ago. I agree with karina about how reminiscent collecting the gown was to matriculation 4 years ago. Time flies! :) Family's gonna take a picture together in our respective gowns tomorrow.

Went to the physio today. He cracked my back real good. Quite satisfying. And he thought me some exercises to activate my lower back muscles. Apparently, I've been pivoting on the upper portion of my lower back such that the lower lower ones arent really maximally used. And hurrah, I found out my physio fees could be subsidised by the org i work for! :)

After physio, I went shopping with sis. 3 tops and yet another pair of shoes...and I havent even gotten my first pay. Ah, but clothes/shoes are essential for a working lady, no?

Then, we went to see my dad perform. My dad is super cool la :)

And my darling's back! He landed about 45 mins ago safe and sound. Alhamdulillah. I actually cant quite believe he's back. He called from the airport.. but you know, he's been calling lately anyway...I think once I see him, I'll believe it. :)

Welcome home, baby! :D

END POST~12.20am

I dont know whether to feel sad or anxious. But im dreading tomorrow, thats for sure.

The next phase of life. Work.

I've become so accustomed to the bum of a life Ive had for the past couple of months. And in the larger scheme of things, for the past 4 years. The last time I had to consistently wake up 5 days in a row before sunrise was jc. From tmr? No more rolling around in bed. No more waking up and sleeping as and when i please on weekdays..all the way till Im next unemployed or retired.

And travelling all the way to b.vista? That is enough of a turn off. People say, think about the money and I'll feel better. I suppose as soon as I get my first paycheck then I'll feel motivated. Or by some amazing miracle, work is enjoyable.

How can work be enjoyable? It's work. Plus I'll have to be conscious of making a positive first impression or else suffer the rest of the year righting wrong impressions of me. So as you can tell, Im psyching myself up to have zero or negative expectations so I'll feel super happy if its otherwise.

Oh sigh. Ok ok ok. Think positive farah. I'm employed! So...

Insha-Allah, tomorrow, I will be able to start my career on a positive note. Insha-Allah, I'll have the strength and capacity to be an efficient, productive and happy worker. Insha-Allah, I'll have a positive impact on the people around me. Insha-Allah, my life will continue to be as wonderful as it is now, if not more :)

Amin.

END POST~7.50pm

Went for a walk. It hurts. My hips hurts. Every step I take, it feels like someone is stabbing me, pinching my nerves. How am I going to go to work? Or wear heels???

I guess I have to go back to taking painkillers.

Two weeks already. Ive had enough. This is depressing.

END POST~5.11pm

Atonement is depressing. Kungfu panda is funny. The Happening had to potential to be an excellent movie had it not been for the ending, or lack of it. Environmentalists would most certainly love this show.

Not much of a review eh? Oh, Ive watched almost every movie there is. I just hadnt bothered to review them because...I cant remembered what Ive seen. Lets see..Ive watched all of jane austen's movie adaptations (sense and sensibility, mansfield park, persuasion, emma, northanger abbey) except P&P since ive watched it before. Ive watched jane eyre (bronte) as well. Ive watched narnia, what stays in vegas, just like heaven, the family stone, stargate (i stopped halfway because it was awful), terminator-the sarah conner chornicles., v for vendetta, august rush, mona lisa smile, little women, sex and the city, indiana jones, never been kissed (again) ..and im pretty darn sure if you jog my memory by naming me films, I can tell you ive watched it. Well, at least 70% of the time. All I know is that I average 3 movies/day.

Hm. What else should I watch..

Oh. 2 days of freedom left and my back is aching a lot more all thanks to thursday.

END POST~12.48pm

I just watched Penelope. Entertaining and touching..such a feel good fairy-tale like movie. I havent seen a christina richie movie in ages. And I think I have found myself an actor to look out for in movies. James Mcavoy. I first saw him in Becoming Jane and now this. Incredible actor. He can change his heavily scottish accent so convincingly to suit the character he plays. And his roles...so charming la. Melt. He's not handsome or anything but his eyes...so captivating. He acted in Atonement and the last king of scotland and people have been raving about these movie. Ive been delaying watching the movie cos they seem depressing but in time I will watch it la. Oh! And he's acting in Wanted. I think i'll catch that at the cinema once b comes home (next week! :))

Im a fan of james mcavoy! :)

Yup, watch Penelope! Reese witherspoon makes a cameo in such an unlikely role :) I give this movie 5 out of 5 because I really wasnt expecting it to be that good.

PS: No kidding?! He was the fawn in narnia!
END POST~12.09pm

I broke my self-imposed home confinement twice this week. I went swimming on Tues (it felt amazing to be weightless in water. Super relaxing. Plus, I think im perfecting my backstroke :)), Bailed on a meet up with cheryl, jee and mel (sorry) on wed cos I needed to recover from tue's activity. On hindsight, maybe I ought not have gone swimming. Then today, I went for my first physio consultation. The guy is good la. Super friendly and helpful. He did a thorough assessment and concluded that I suffer an acute back pain and that the muscles are on its way to recovery, although a bit of inflammation remains and the mechanical pain may persist for 4-6 weeks. The other painful part is that it is super expensive per session. And if what farhana say is true, that usually, it would take 8 sessions, then bye bye to any gym/yoga/pilates membership for the next year or more.

Met my sis and yx there. :) I realise that most of my dear ones are working at the same place! Sis brought me around and had lunch with me. I talked to her about dying my hair cos work, yes, WORK STARTS NEXT MONDAY, and my roots are showing and all. She convinced me to go today because after all, Im out of the house, so might as well, instead of dragging myself out another day instead of resting. So I dragged myself down and ended up sitting for 5 1/2 hours. I kept wriggling in my seat cos i was hurting sitting so long. But no choice.

Anyway, the result? Im amazed. I mean, I havent seen my hair this dark in ages. I suppose its almost the color of my natural hair. I mean I loved my blond streaks but Im in for a change, so Bam! Its now brownish-black with (currently non-visible) dark red streaks. Red. Gosh. Ive always stayed clear of red cos I have this image of aunties whenever I think of reddish hair. I told this to the hairdresser who recommended the color and he promptly retorted "Auntie??? Its not the color, its the person" or smt to that effect. Ok la.

Anyway, my hip hurts from all the sitting. Im going to lie down as much as possible for the next couple of days. And apply a hot pack twice a day :)

END POST~10.19pm

I went to batam with the family over the weekend. Ok la. It was everything I expected it to be. Which was, not much. The only reason the one hour journey there is worthwhile is because of the incredible rendang which I am convinced is the best rendang Ive ever had in my life. Addictive too. Basically, food and lodging is cheap but there really isnt much to do there. Shopping isnt as good as bkk or spore especially since its now the gss. So go there for food.

And sigh, my back pain is persisting. It's nearly been 10 days so Im going to seek physiotherapy this time. It is taking too long to heal and I resent feeling disabled. How am I to sit for long periods of time when I start work next week? I cannot risk having another onset. Alhamdulillah, I can walk and all but I want to be completely cured.

I want to be healthy. I want to be able to run again. My body is aging faster than I am :(

END POST~10.03pm

I cant believe that I can access the net from my hp! It has wlan which is perfect because now, I can check my emails without having to switch my laptop or pc on. How awesome is that?

I'll also be blog from any wireless hotspots. In fact, I did create an extremely long post on the phone but I must have pressed something because before I knew it, i was logged off.

I LOVE my new SE G900. It has everything I was looking for in a phone and I've been waiting for it to come out for so long. While it looks non-descript, believe me, its functions definitely makes the phone worth every dime I paid for.It is, incidentally, the most ex phone Ive ever owned. It's like a PDA phone with a 5 megapix camera and a music player. I mean 5.0 megapix? I wont need a camera when Im out. There's word, powerpoint, adobe, excel...

:)

Anyway, I've been out of action for the last few days. Remember the back sprain I suffered from about 2 years ago? Well, it hit me again on saturday and this time, the pain was 5 times worse. It was horrible. I could hardly move. I couldnt even shift in bed without screaming. I couldnt even stand for more than 5 secs. But I'm feeling a whole lot more mobile today, Alhamdulillah. I can stand, I can walk, but I still cant sit for more than 10 mins and sneezing/hiccuping hurts a little. So, I'm still downing painkillers and anti-inflammation pills.

Because of my suay-ness, I couldnt participate in the run on sun. I was extremely disappointed. But I was in too much pain to feel sad so I got over it rather quickly. So my sis had to run by herself and Im so proud of her! It's alright. There are plenty of other runs! I was reading the papers this morning and Im still undecided which run I should take part in. But one thing's for sure, I do want to complete a 10k run by this year.

As for now, I need rest. I'm still trying to find out why the sudden sprain. Could it have been my sleeping position? Could it have been my knee- I was so focused on resting my knee that I sprained my back? Either way, I dont ever want the sprain to return. Take care of your backs everyone. It really is one of the most important muscles in your entire body.

END POST~2.06pm

test!

I watched V for vendetta (finally!) and August Rush. And the ENTIRE series of Terminator-TSCC. From 2pm-is till 6am yesterday.

WHOA. What a rush. I'll do my reviews later. Just woke up.

END POST~1.32pm

I'm usually patriotic. But not when it come to sports. Im referring to the sg-uzbek debacle on mon. Now, a huge disclaimer: I am not a fan of soccer. I do not understand the game. I do no profess to even fathom why people are obsessed about it but nevertheless, I do respect their love for the sport. But that's not the point. I found myself rooting for the uzbeks for several reasons. 1) They are rather good looking 2) I have the impression that their country is poorer than ours 3) Their players are all local players. And yet they triumphed!

With every goal they scored, my spirits soared. Spore soccer big shots need a hugemongous slap in the faces. World cup 2010 my butt. When that dunno-which person i/c predicted that years ago, my toes almost fell off laughing. Then they spent money hiring 'talents'.

Balik kampung la. I feel zero sense of attachment to a team that has so many non-sporean people. Give me a team of mats and ah bengs playing and you will see me physically at the stadium. Send the best soccer team from the inter-sch games (like vj's soccer team) and I'll be there.

Send a bunch of people who unintentionally but nevertheless exude seemingly different interests in winning and fans wouldnt bother.

And I dont buy the whole we-need-those-talent-to-up-our standards crap. Let the locals play.Fuel their passion. Granted, allow those 'talents' in the domestic league. But NOT IN THE NATIONAL TEAM. The locals need to be exposed. Do not compromise letting the locals play just for the sake of winning. Where is the authencity in winning for spore if the key players arent even sporeans? What glory? I feel nothing. I am not moved. And Im sure others arent as well.

And please. You can argue all you want about the meaning of being a national. Of course, there's a politically correct way of defining one and yadda yadda yadda. But I think the best definition is probably the tacit consensus of the 'man on the street'.

END POST~12.03pm

Day 2 of home confinement. I'm getting a bit fidgety because the weather is perfect for a run. Must. Not. Run.

And of late, I've been thinking of self-indulgences! I just feel like pampering myself. The question is, how? It used to be food. Then it was the high after each run. But now? Hm. The urge to splurge is creeping up from inside. But Im not quite sure what to splurge on.

END POST~4.50pm

Self diagnosis: I've gotten myself a lateral collateral ligament injury.

Initial treatment of an LCL injury includes ice to the area, elevation of the joint above the level of the heart, non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs), and limited physical activity until the pain and swelling subside. A hinged knee immobilizer should be used to protect the ligament as it heals. The extent of this type of injury is usually excessive stretching of the ligament causing the pain and tenderness. -http://www.umm.edu/imagepages/8839.htm

Which means, Im out of action in the next couple of days. Just in case.

END POST~2.44am

Ok, I removed an earlier post cos I think it's no longer needed. I am appeased :)

Moving on, I just came back from a run. It's such a cold night. But what's worse, I think I may have busted my knees and ankle when I did the 10k. I shouldnt have pulled a rambo like that on Wed. So today, I had to cut the run short or I might strain my joints even more.

Where's farhana? I need my fav physio :P

Collected my runner's kit for next sun. So many people. Young and old!

My sis and I have this fear that the organisers would pack up even before we reach the end. Haha. Let's hope that wont happen. One week's time! I cant believe it. Insha-Allah, I'd recover by then!

END POST~10.00pm

I love my life and I'm ever so grateful for it.

Im at a point in my life which I can call...perfect.

What's there not to be perfect? I have a such a loving family. I have a roof over my head and food and water are within reach. I'm healthy. I live in such a safe country. I have a small number of, but highly intimate, friendships with buddies from all walks of life. I have the degree I've been working so hard to earn. I have a career-a well paying one by my standards. I have...everything! And the icing on the cake of my perfect life? I have the most wonderful boyfriend in the world.

And I owe it all to Allah. Alhamdulillah for everything. I am just blessed :)

(Haha..I just told my dad about how i feel my life is perfect and he started singing a self-composed song "Oh lord it's hard to be humble...when you have everything...oh lord it's hard to be humble...la la lal" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. He sang it to the tune of some folk song :) He's just reminded me to Syukur Alhamdulillah)

*Big Smile* ALHAMDULILLAH!!!!!!

END POST~12.06pm

Alhamdulillah
Allahu-akbar. Allahu-akbar. Allahu-akbar.

~END POST~10.35am

I did it! 10 kilometers non-stop!

*Victory jiggle*

This is such a psych/esteem boost given D-day is in about 10 days. Next, I need to get used to the morning sun!

Im so proud of myself. And im so proud of my sis too! She had to stop because of a blister but she pushed on!

*Hug self*

END POST~10.36pm

I'm going to blog about the previous days. I find my memory of them ebbing away anyways.

Let's see. On wed, I met S, my science aka 'breadth' buddy. I like spending time with her. She's witty, warm and so chirpy that you cant help but feel a tonne happier being with her. We went to orchard to eat at this place which serves delicious indonesian food. I'm so pleased that cum 1st June, I wouldnt have to travel all the way to town to have my fix of indo food because they're opening an outlet at tamp mall! :) So after treating her to her very belated birthday meal, we went around running our respective errands.

Thursday. My mom's birthday :) I didnt want her to cook on her birthday so I volunteered to cook nasi beryani for her and Alhamdulillah, it turned out pretty yummy. I took some pics of it but they're in my other comp so maybe next time. I'm really glad it turned out the way it was supposed to. Like I say, cooking is actually very very easy. If anyone has taken chemistry in school and can competently follow lab procedures, cooking should come naturally to them. But what is not easy, however, is taste. And for that, one needs skill. Like my nenek says..it's in the tangan. And Insha-Allah, I think im on my way to honing that skill :)

Friday. Jammed pack day. Deliberately so, though. In the morning, I went for a pre-employment med check up. I have said this to so many people already but I cant help it. I HATE pee-ing in a cup. And people i've spoken to would probably know what my next statement is going to be. If you think your life sucks, think of the people who have to analyse pee and what not for a living. That said, I had expected better service since this clinic is an offshoot of a certain private hospital. Instead, there was nothing fantastic! The staff were as gruffy as those in the polyclinics. Goes to show, money doesnt guarantee good service.

And then I headed home and scrubbed myself clean. I have a tiny revelation to make. I'm a little bit OCD. After any hospital/clinic visit, I'd shower myself even if I'd shower before leaving. I cant help but think of all the germs and other microbes that would definitely linger in a place where sick people are. In fact, I very rarely visit the toilets there too. Alright, in general, I shower quite often in the day because I like to feel fresh and clean and germ-free. So I shower before leaving home and I absolutely must shower when I reach home. Why? Because more often than not, when taking public transport, Im pretty sure people would have brushed past you. And these people could have come from anywhere! They could even have not showered for days, etc. Sweaty teenage boys after school, etc! Eek! And how about eating outside? When you prop your elbows on the table? Do you actually think those table are that clean? Ok. Enough of this.

Then, I met one of the loveliest people of all, my buddy Pema :) She was so elegantly dressed that day. Just thinking about her brings a smile to my face. She's my gal pal. Says it all doesnt it? Gal pal :) After lunch, we watched Made of Honor. Ok la. It was only worth watching because of patrick demsey. The plot is reminiscent of My best friend's wedding. So you pretty much know what you're in for.

Next, dinner with just and yx. Just was kind enough to treat us. I was so stuffed with lunch and pop corn that all I could muster was a drink. Then we shopped around because it was the first day of Gss. I was overwhelmed by fatigue not long after so we sat at starbucks and just chatted :)

I realise that friday was probably my first meet-up with friends after the exams and the bkk trip.

Saturday. I woke up really late, I think around 12 or 1 because I couldnt fall asleep the night before. Then I received an sms from cheryl. A few hrs later, despite it being a hot, lazy sat afternoon, I found myself out of my house and meeting up with her. The expo sale! We covered the adidas sale, the food fair, the robinson sale (damage was done) and a glimpse of some bag/shoe sale. After that, I headed home and went online to see baby and then he surprised me by calling my hp! He bought an A$10 calling card which allows him to make 3000 minutes worth of calls to me! Yay! :) I'm glad he got it cos I was getting a bit lazy to switch my lap top on. And how nice it is to hear him over the phone..

Sunday. Family day! It started out with a run at east coast. We left home about 8 plus because it was raining earlier in the morning. But by the time we reach ecp, it was scorching hot. I couldnt stand the heat much and goodness, Im just glad I finish what we sought to finish. Then we headed home, and made our preparations for our family movie outing! :) Everyone except mom went because she was working. We watched Indiana Jones :) I guess it was natural to watch it together because growing up, we watched all the 3 installments together, although I have very faint recollections of the first one, being, what? 3-4 yrs when i watched it on tv? Luckily, I managed to catch the first one before watching the latest. What a family show. So clean and wholesome. Ford has definitely aged and his movements are no longer as agile. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. Even though critics have pointed out how plot-less it is and yadda yadda yadda, I cant help but feel that this movie was made for the fans. Quite a lot of references were made to the earlier movies, you see. So if you arent a fan, you wouldnt really quite get it. Take, for example, shia lebouef's name in the movie. It's Mutt. But if you watched the 3rd movie, you'd know that there's something fishy about that name. Haha, it's a dog's nick. Just like how indiana was so called because he hated his given name..and so named himself after his dog. I was apprehensive when I found out that shia was added to the cast. I suspected that his presence was to serve as impetus for the younger audience familiar with him from transformers to watch him in this movie. But he certainly grows on you. I think one of my fav moments in the movie was when the whole jock vs slicks stereotype of the 50s was played up in a cafe scene. Hilarious :) So all in all, it is, on the whole, an entertaining show..But for the fans, its something else. It's filling them in on what our fav archaeologist has been up to years from when we last saw him. And perhaps a ray of hope that a new series would come?

Today. It is my sister's birthday :) Happy birthday! Celebrations are tonight!

END POST~11.52am

I was thinking of blogging because quite a bit has been happening but Ive decided to post the flurry of events including those that will occur in the next couple of days on Wednesday instead. So, till a long post on Wed then :)

Unless I decide to post one earlier la.

END POST~9.23pm

I was huffing into my first k and there she was. The object of my childhood envy. I watched her go by. She was still pretty, slim and now, get this, toned. A lot of slim girls are actually fat and wobbly but not her.

I instictively chuckled to myself as she wooshed past me. Memories of primary school came wafting into my head. How I used to pray everynight I'd be slim and pretty like her. How I was elated to be able to 'break' into the 'in' crowd she belonged to. And then, how she fell from the pedestal I had placed her on because she was a mean mean kid. One day, a bunch of us were walking to the bus stop after school, when suddenly, she fell. Embarassed, she pointed at me, when others asked her what happened. Fumed, confused, hurt, I walked away. I never spoke to her again, despite the fact that she came up to me to apologise in private. Funny how she could shame me in public and then come up to me in person later. Pick on the new guy, eh?
Still, that was primary school. We've both changed I'm sure. So I chuckled at how ridiculous it all was.

Then she wooshed past me again when I was into my 2nd k. I intended to stop at the end of the stretch but something in me pushed me to continue to the usual 4.4. I guess it was because, a huge part of me wanted her toned, legs. Or maybe, seeing her again evoked the green eyed kid. She went past me the third time and my gosh. I felt as if I was being mocked! So I found my legs speeding up despite my protests. No way was I gonna let myself be insulted for the 4th time running! And I wasnt :)

Ya la. She's pretty and fit. But I still have the yummier boyfriend :)
(Hers was trailing behind her)

END POST~12.40pm

Productive Day 1

I'm mighty pleased with myself. Here's what I did today :)

# Cleared my wardrobe. I managed to free 27 hangers (22 after hanging the new clothes) and fill a big bag full of unwanted clothes to donate. It was tough. Such nice colorful t-shirts go bye bye. Every piece of clothing had some memories la. But hurrah, my wardrobe is now roomier and it smells great because I added a lavander scent sachet.

# Cleared my bag shelf and got rid of a couple of unwanted bags.

# Went to the storeroom to hunt for 'unwearable' shoes. Threw 3 pairs and donating 2 pairs. Just nice. Five out and 5 new ones in.

# Cleared my 'barang barang' drawer aka the drawer I put my specs, wallet, and other nic-nacs

# Cleared my wallet of old receipts, outdated membership/discount cards, and other stuff

# Went for a 4.4k run

# Washed the toilet

Productive or what? :)
Next up: Bookshelves. I forsee lots of papers strewn all over the room because massive filing needs to be done.

END POST~10.55pm

That's it. I am going to clear out half my wardrobe tomorrow. I'm running out of space and folding clothes I dont wear instead of hanging them on the rack is not working anymore because the bottom shelf is sinking.


I went shopping today with the sis because she has a couple of weddings to attend so she wanted to get herself some dresses. I tagged along and before I knew it, I bought myself 2 tops. On top of the stuff I bought from bkk. Which is the reason Im motivated to clear away clothes too ugly, too used and too small (I'm a horder. I keep thinking I can fit into them again. But now, if I ever drop to that size again, I'll reward myself with new clothes).

In other news, my dad brought home a typewriter. He claims it'd be worth something one day. Who knows? People are into vintage things these days aren't they :)

Here's some pictures of what it looks like:

Just take a look at how chunky that thing is!

This is how it looks like without the cover. Check out the ribbon and keys.This is my hand, typing. Notice how the metal thingy hits the black ribbon and imprints the letter onto the paper. There's actually a lever on the bottom left which enables the ribbon to move up or down so as to change color from black to red and vice versa. Believe me, while the clunking sound is rather satisfying to hear as each letter is typed, it is extremely tiring. The keys have to be deeply pressed for the imprint to be clear.

Hurrah for computers!

Anyway, I realise that my brain might actually turn into mush without mental stimulation so I've borrowed (although he prefers the word 'stolen') a rubik's cube from my brother and I'm going to attempt to complete it by the time I start work. I'm also thinking of borrowing a few books from the library. Any suggestions?

END POST~11.16pm

I dont even know how Ive managed to pass my saturday by so quickly doing nothing. Ive been feeling like a slob the whole day. My body feels so sore and heavy. Im not sure if its because Im tired and so I need to rest more, or if its because I've been lying down too much. Either way, I hope to snap out of this soon. I wouldnt want to spend the next month this way.

I need to start running and soon. It's 21 days to the run. Need. To. Get. Moving.

END POST~8.58pm

I love it when hot afternoons mellow down to warm evenings :) The sky is really pretty right now. Ahh...it's good to be home. I touched down early this morning, unpacked, and sighed because I missed the hotel's toilet. But now, it just feels so lovely to be home. Lying on my bed, staring at the sky and just typing away on my laptop, enjoying the gentle breeze. Home sweet home!

The bangkok trip was enjoyable. I wrote my experienced in my travel diary so I shan't be typing it here. One thing's for sure, I'm definitely going back :)

PS: I signed it today!

END POST~6.44pm

Undergraduate no more! :)

Alhamdulillah, I survived 16 years of formal education!

And..........ALHAMDULILLAH! I am now employed!

Oh, what a sweet end to a long and memorable journey.
Simply surreal indeed :)

END POST~2.15am

I think there is no worse feeling on the face of the earth than to see my mother cry.

She got bullied by one of her customers. She didnt do anything wrong but the man was so unreasonable that he had to scream at her in front of others. Even the other customers were appalled. Scream at an elderly woman? Scream at my mother? For those of you who know my mom, she is the sweetest and most innocent person ever.

I cant help but want to cry too.

The saying that "the customer is always right" or "the customer is king" should be scrapped.

END POST~7.03pm

Oh my gosh.

I can't get away from research after all, can I?

I was reading for Fridays' exam and I thought of a research paradigm for my masters, if I ever do one. I even came up with an outline in 5 minutes. An OUTLINE!

And I'm getting excited about this. HAHA. This is so bizarre.

END POST~4.21pm

Looking at the photos posted by my peers on facebook, I feel a tinge of regret for not bringing my camera and snapping away my last week of school. Back in sec sch, jc, heck, even primary school, I would enthusiastically document my 'last days'. But not this time. I think it has something to do with the fact that I hate taking photos now. For one, miserable, shallow reason.

IM FAT.

It's depressing. I was looking back at my pictures from 3 years back and I looked so different. Even Najib was shocked.

Ageing sucks. Metabolism decreases and double the amount of effort needs to be put in to burn calories. I've lost 3 kg since last year. THREE? Despite the efforts of almost daily running (except for thesis month).

I just want to fit into my size M again. Why must it be so difficult. And as much as I love to shop, I cant help but feel miserable time and time again when I cant fit into the clothes I like. It's not easy shopping anymore. I used to look at designs, pick it out and try for size. Now I look at sizes available first before anything else. In fact, I've acquired the skill of looking at a shop from outside and knowing whether they have my size or not.

Doesnt help that salespersons can be rather insensitive too.

If I could go back in time, to 3-4 years ago, I'd tell myself: Dont listen to others. You are NOT fat. Go enjoy yourself and stop wallowing in self-pity. Look at me know? I wallow then, I wallow even more now. So stop listening to brother. For goodness sake, he calls supermodels fat. Guys like these should be punched. Maybe I will do that. The heck. If I did not love food too much and if I did not hate puking, I'd probably be anorexic or bullimic by now.

Depressing.

END POST~11.17am

Who says facebook isnt educational? Ive never heard of 'defenestrated' till the superpoke thing. Even then, I imagined the word to mean something like 'fumigating'. Probably cos 'nest' is embedded in the word. So I assume it means some massive bug killing. Heh, now I know what it means! It means throwing someone out the window! :)

Hm. Why would people want to do that to me? Ah well.

Im really glad this last exam is only 40%. Goodness, what a relief, knowing that ive covered more than half the module over the semester. I am seriously in no mood to mug. I came up with a nice schedule yesterday and I dont really have much time to cover everything. But I am so blah already. Doesnt help to know that some people are done already. Argh.

In exactly one week, I'll be off and away!

And I have plans after the exams. I told my sis abt how empty I'd feel after the last paper and she said she'll hang out with me :) Yay.

Then sat and sun, I'll probably spend time at home with the family. And pack. Then mon-fri morn I'll be away w cheryl and mel. Our first vacation together! Then when I come back, Im gonna start calling people up to go out with me. Im going to exercise everyday too. That's right, everyday. Im going to watch movie after movie. And read book after book.

And oh, perhaps find a job in between. Or maybe I should just enjoy myself till my savings deplete.

Worse case scenarios in no particular order

1: be a research assistant at nus
2: apply for imh or moe research assistant

3: starbucks

4: tuition

5: apply for grad school by first taking the GREs.

Either way, Im sure I'll be able to find something to do :) I'm quite glad my folks are taking it easy that I may potentially be unemployed. Ive been worried and fretting and my mom said "What are you so worried about? You dont have anything to pay what".

True and not so true. I'll technically still have to pay my tuition fees what. Alhamdulillah, I wont have to owe nasty banks but I'll still owe my family money. And I quote my mom "Money is money. Family is family". Bottomline, you owe money, no matter who, you better pay.

So Im sure when she said "What are you worried abt...". I'm sure what she meant is, "you're lucky others can help you settle the bank first so you dont have interests to bother about".

But I still owe money. And I dont like that feeling. So I'll probably get some crappy job to pay it off. Besides, crappy job can be considered 'work experience' right?

Ok la :) Life will still go on. The sky is blue and the sun will shine everyday. Im sure I'll make the best out of life.

Still, Insha-Allah, I'll get that call from them soon :)

END POST~11.57am

I've been listening to malay/indonesian songs the past couple of days. No idea why but I think I'm getting used to them :) Some of them are quite nice.

Currently listening to agnes monica. I already liked one of her old songs cos it was the soundtrack for some indo soap opera my mom watched. She was only 15 when she recorded the song. She's prob 22 now and she's now star-ing in a new sinetron (new cos its only just shown in spore) called "kawin muda", which is a light hearted dramedy about this high school kid who was matched made when she was young to a guy a few years older. The whole series (im not sure, i watched 5 episodes and jumped to the conclusion cos heh, impatient la) is about how they got married but are concealing it from their school mates, how they detest each other, etc. Quite funny. In the end, they fall in love with each other :) Great acting and really light hearted. I picked up bahasa too! So karina, you should check it out on youtube. So from that show, I was introduced to her new song and its super ear-worm material. And i saw her 'mtv'. Totally different from her sweet character on the series la. But still, catchy catchy.

Ok, back to work.

END POST~1.48pm

One week to my next and FINAL final paper as an undergraduate. As much as I want to get it done with (and done well, I must add), I don't have anything special planned following the paper so I reckon that its going to be a bit anti-climatic. Emptiness would surely ensue, as the lull I felt after Wed's paper.

A great mist lie before me. The predictable safety of academia shall be no more. No more next semester. No more next academic year. Just one big cloud ahead.

Besides the vacation, the 10k run and Najib's return, I don't really know what lies ahead. And I'm the type of person who needs to see what's coming so I can plan. I need to have a sense of purpose. I need direction. Come next Friday, I may possibly be in a state of limbo.

So I'm anxiously waiting for a call from them. I cant sleep. In my dreams I keep thinking about it. I need to let go but Im really scared of another "After careful consideration....We wish you success..". I keep checking my phone. My email. God, help me let go. If its meant to be, its meant to be.

In other news, I spent yesterday watching two movies. The first was Perfume:The story of a murderer. I give it 5 out of 5. The story is about a man, born with the gift of a superior olfactory. He is able to detect even the tiniest variation in scents. Born in, presumably 16th century paris, filthy and overpopulated, he was abandoned after birth in a dump of a fish market, and left to die. Yet, the infant Jean-Paul fought and survived, and took his first breath of putrid air. The narrator then documents his life in an orphanage where his ability unnerved the other children and so he was left alone to explore the scents around him. After being sold to work in a tannery, he was exposed to the city once again while making a delivery, and there, he selfishly took in all the scents he could possibly. Finally, he, after quite a bit of drama, entered the realm of perfumery.
The character Jean-paul hardly talks. The actor gave such a brilliant performance. His eyes. The expression in his eyes. The zeal, the obsession. Essentially, the movie charts Jean-Paul's desire to capture the sublime beauty of women and create the ultimate perfume. I do not think I have done justice reviewing this movie so I strongly urge everyone to watch it. It may sound boring at first, but rest assured, you will be pulled into this murder/mystery/thriller. On the one hand, I was rooting for Jean-Paul because his ambition really did stem from innocence, yet his actions are wrong. But I rooted for him anyway. The ending was very very surprising and satisfying. From my understanding, the movie is of german-english production so do not expect the pace of the movie to be like that of the typical hollywood ones. And the narrator was fantastic. Somber, purposeful and captivating.

The second movie I watched was a lighter one. After the first, I needed something to laugh at so I watched Over her dead body. It's quite enjoyable, especially since Paul rudd's acting in it. He has such charm about him. The movie's about how Eva longoria refuses to let go of her ex-fiance even though she's dead and is a ghost. So it's a predictable movie. How she's dead and he's grieving. How his sister comes in to help him move on and perhaps find love. How the dead fiancee refuses to let him date this psychic who can, incidentally, see her. So there's the hilarious schemes she cooks up to foil their blossoming romance. The bedroom scene is hilarious. Then how he finds out the psychic is lying bla bla bla. So they break up. But he's not happy. Then the ghost felt bad seeing him miserable so she winds up letting go of him and somehow the couple gets back together. The end. But its funny la. So go and watch.

Well, I think I'm done with today's post. I suppose I should plan out my study schedule for the psychophysio exam. One whole week to study for this. I have never had that much time to study for a paper. So i'm not going to blow my chances of acing this!

END POST~10.24am

Oh why doesn't spore sell side-kick phones?

Ive been wanting one of those phones since I saw people tv (esp claire-heroes) using it. Super cool la. I want. But it can only be found in the states, uk and possibly aussie.

Aussie. I know someone over there!

But will it be able to function with the spore networks?

Why isnt that phone available here? It'll definitely have a market here for sure.

I just love the way the phone screen slides up to reveal a key-board :)

http://www.hiptop.com/danger101/danger+powered+products

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZ4fzmsHvMI&NR=1 (check out the cool swivel up screen)

I WANT!

END POST~9.34am

On the plus side, I have managed to wean myself off unhealthy waking hours. Still, why on earth cant i concentrate on my revision?

Oh, I've tried and I've tried but I get easily distracted. By food. By youtube. By other blogs. By reading the news. Goodness! I had 2 weeks to study and now Im down to 3 days before my first paper. I am starting to panic!

Come on farah! Last set of hurdles to clear! Go Go Gooooo!

END POST~9.35am

Bloody incompetent lor. First few words that came to mind as I read the report. Are they stupid or stupid? What kind of jail has toilets looking like the kind found in secondary schools?

If it were me, everyone, top-down, should be sacked. Not punished, not reshuffled but SACKED. That way, incompetent people are removed. And fresh people can come in. I know a whole lot of people who need jobs can?

So angry la. Nonsense really.



END POST~7.39pm

"Play that funky music bla blaaaa...."

Song stuck in my head! Out of the blue some more! Yesterday it was mariah carey's new songs la. Now this!

Anyway, sipping my peppermint tea because I learnt in class that peppermint is a mental stimulant :)

I need to confess something too. I have been having cravings for junk and fast food over the past week. And I've acted on them! (hide under pillow). Its true! Chips, tim tam and so on. I sealed the deal with TWO CONSECUTIVE days of kfc. I know!

But but but, at least I ended the week witha 4.4k run. Considering I havent run in a month, I think I did alright :)

Ok, another confession. I signed myself and my sis up for a 10km run that'll happen in june. Haha..i guess in all that stress last month, I needed an outlet, something to work towards as well..so I signed us up, much to her (my sis) dismay.

So now she wants to train thrice a week! Haha..we'll see.

Goodness! I just received an sms! A friend just asked me out to kfc! Oh o.

END POST~10.30am

I am feeling extremely uneasy. I received a mail abt the organ donation thing. Previously, I was exempted. But recently, there has been a change in the ruling. How come the change? Pardon my scepticism but why is it when they want something, that something somehow manages to transcend all boundaries and hence becomes acceptable?

Why now? Why wasnt it implemented from the beginning?

I'm confused! I have till aug to decide. And I dont want to think of such things :(

It's morbid.

END POST~4.53pm

I was googling for inspirational stuff and I found this on someone's blog. Its so beautifully said! I'm going to attempt to translate it as best as I can :)

"Bila Allah cepat makbulkan Doamu, Maka DIA Menyayangimu, Bila DIA Lambat Makbulkan doamu, Maka DIA Ingin Mengujimu, Bila DIA Tidak Makbulkan Doamu, Maka Dia Merancang Sesuatu Yang lEbih Baik Untukmu. Oleh itu, Sentiasalah Bersangka Baik Pada ALLAH Dalam Apa Jua Keadaan Pun...Kerana Kasih sayang ALLAH Itu Mendahului KemurkaanNya"

When Allah answers your doa (prayer) quickly, it means HE loves you. When HE answers it later, it means HE intends to test you, when HE does not grant you what you asked for, it mean HE has better plans for you. As such, always think the best of Allah in any circumstance..Because Allah's love surpasses His ??. (oh dear..I dont quite know how to translate this word)

"Sesungguhnya jika Allah mencintai seorg hamba maka Dia tenggelamkan hamba itu dalam cubaan. Barangsiapa yang tidak pernah mengalami musibah maka ia jauh daripada kasih sayangNya..."

When Allah loves HIS servants, HE throws at them challenges. Should anyone not ever face challenges, it means that he is far from Allah's love.

Ok, my translation does not do justice to extracts. The malay language can be so beautiful :)

END POST~11.32pm

Rejection. No matter how many times it comes flying into your face, you'll never be able to be numbed by it. Perhaps numb at first, but then it'll hurt. A whole lot. Especially when you set your heart on that one thing. And everyone else ard you has their hopes appended to yours.

I will not shed a tear. No. I'm going to swallow this lump. Because Im not destined for this. Another one will come along, Insha-Allah. God knows best.

So as much as the pain is getting stronger as minutes go by, I will exhale it. I'm blessed to be given the opportunity to get that far. To make it to the final cut. I prayed for that opportunity and I got it. I gave it my best, I honestly gave it my all. So, Alhamdulillah for that.

And that's that.

That's that.

Breathe.

That's that.

Moving on.

END POST~9.26pm

Last lesson was alright. I know Im going to sound awful, but I didnt really learn much today. Maybe its a sign that the time is right for me to leave school :) I sat alone during my final lect at nus. After the lesson ended, she wished us the best, then people started whipping out their camera. But I left class.

I wanted to pray in school for the last time. So I took my wudhu and made my way to the prayer area at as6. I prayed. And after that, I just sat down and let my mind wander. 4 years. Gosh 4 whole years. I had flashbacks. Me wearing a yellow t-shirt, denim skirt and sports shoe (I know. What was I thinking. Fresh out of jc la). How I first prayed around the same area. Back then, the prayer area was at the lift lobby outside the social work dept. How I learnt my grandma passed away in year 2 while I was having lect at lt14. How I prayed in between classes during the fasting month. How when my darling came, we were both fasting, we went separate ways to pray maghrib first before meeting up to break fast together. How I'd pray for this. For that.
How I'd meet other muslim girls I wouldnt have met if not for this area. How we chatted for a while and then very seldomly meet again.

And then I looked around. What a beautiful place to pray. Because its by the window. The huge window by the stairs which overlooks the old law lib and biz faculty, where you can see the sea and ships and the clear sky. After reminisicing, I left the area and I dont know why, I looked back at the area and I said Alhamdulillah, and I walked away. I guess I meant it to be for everything. For the 4 years. For the good, for the bad, everything. Then I found myself smiling. The mass of trees that were burnt and brown 2 years ago have all gone green again. Renewed.

I'm getting all philo. With that, I met up with a couple of people and then I left :)

Went to the bus stop and there I saw 4 psych lecturers, one of them, my sup. At first I was like "oh noo" because I didnt want to make small talk because a part of me had fear conditioned. So I hid myself. But eventually I managed to pluck up the courage to board the same bus as him. And I even waved to him as I made my way to my seat. How ridiculous! I chuckled to myself. Out here, he is just another person. No power. No status. Nothing. Just another human being heading home from work.

Ive conquered my ridiculous fear. What a feeling! :)

I am an adult now!

Giggles. Adult. Hehehe.

END POST~10.02pm

I have utmost respect for all caregivers out there. I had a brief encounter as a caregiver this morning. My grandma was due for her blood test and check up at the hospital. Everyone else was working. Usually dad would bring her. But today, after convincing her that I can take her (she proudly insisted she could go herself, when seriously, she cant la), we set off.

Gosh. When she had to get her blood taken, I almost cried. She was in pain. And the nurses kept poking her because she had too little blood to fill even one tube. She started wincing and I couldnt take it. Thank goodness they managed to get half a tube. They were supposed to collect 2 full tubes. But she really couldnt give that much. So Im glad the nurses agreed with me to work on what they have.

So we hobbled over to get her some breakfast cos she had to fast overnight for the test. Hobbled. I guess Im so used to walking quickly. Patience.

More waiting. Waited an hr for the check up. In the room, she was 'negotiating' with the doc as to how frequent she had to come down for tests. 6 weeks. They settled on that. He wanted a scope to be done. She was on the verge of screaming. She doesnt want a tube stuck down her throat. He looked at me. Im not used to making these kinds of decisions. So I asked him, is it very necessary and urgent. He seemed annoyed. He said no. Then I said, we'll discuss this at home. She doesnt want it now. If she decides otherwise, we'll set it up.

Waiting room. Cashier.

Pharmacy. Wait. Collect medicine. 13 different kinds of pills. With all sorts of instructions. Wait. Pay. I love medisave.

Tired. I am super tired. But its my last lesson in nus forever perhaps.

3.5 hrs at the hosp is draining. I have to leave home in 10 minutes.

I'm sleepy. I'm tired. But I will go on.

Patience. Discipline. Filial piety. Fortitude.

Learnt all of these in my last day of school.

END POST~2.19pm

Its settled!!!!!!!!!

We're confirmed going for a holiday together. I can hardly believe it. After all that research, mel had to click on one website and ta-da! Flight + Hotel settled just like that. What's more its the very hotel we were eyeing from the beginning but which was super expensive. I love love love zuji! What a steal :)

Now I'm definitely going to mug all the way for exams cos 3 days after my last paper, I'll be off and away for a spa holiday!

Insha-Allah, it will be a safe, fun and rejuvenating trip!

END POST~9.15pm

Okay. Maybe I have a sick, disturbing fascination with wound healing. Heh, some readers are grossed out by my heel picture and have asked me to remove it or at least to create new posts so they wouldnt have to see that image upon clicking my blog.

I had planned to put up a 'one week later' pic here but to ensure people dont end up puking or grimacing (I dont understand why), I have placed it in the same post as the earlier one.

So curious people can scroll down and check it out! I think its heeling (hehehe) nicely!

END POST~11.09am

Money money money mo-ney...MONEY! (theme from the apprentice)

Yay!! I love love love being over 21 because that means, from time to time, i'd get mail saying that $xxx of money would be automatically credited to my account.

Been planning our bkk trip. It's quite fun to plan but now im having a headache. I think its the weather. So hot. Then rain.

END POST~5.48pm

Ahhhhhhhh...........

What a blissful weekend. No pending assignments. No morning anxiety attacks. Life is so beautiful.

Went shopping on both days with my darling sister, who kindly sponsored whatever I picked, as part of my belated birthday present.

:) :) :)

I am recharged, people. Recharged, refreshed, rejuvenated.

Exams? Pfft! Bring them on! I am so going to enjoy my last week of school.

Ahh..

END POST~9.32am

One week later (above) Heeling nicely, dont you think?

Let this be a photo reminder to myself. Bite the shoe before the shoe bites you!

I dont get it! Why aren't these movies out yet?
1) Definitely, maybe
2) The other boleyn girl

Their ad prints appear in the newspaper and reviews for both movies are out a long long time ago so why arent they showing them on the big screen already?

Anyway, yesterday, I had some semblance of a celebratory lunch/dinner/drink w pema. After lunch, I desperately wanted to leave school and engage in mindless shopping (window) and movie watching. Obviously, we couldnt catch both movies..so we went to vivo and *attempted* to shop, only to wind up at starbucks :)

P was really sweet, listening to me ramble about certain interviews I went to and how I really really want this job in particular..

Speaking of interviews, I had to buy myself pumps. I have the following conclusion to make.
Im a big bodoh when it comes to buying shoes because they all end up tearing my skin up and leaving my raw flesh exposed to the world. Im in pain, people! Thank goodness i heeded my sister's advice to bring an extra pair in case. Even so, that pair couldnt safe me from the intense pain. Lucky for me, the bazaar beng selling slippers and t-shirts had his booth still in the forum (does he ever leave). So I got myself flip flops for 5 bucks! :) My feet were happy the whole day after that.

Which explains why the vivo trip happened :)

Was absolutely zonked by the time I got home cos Ive been having really really weird sleeping hours but but but, it was my baby's birthday so I webcammed with him a little and I felt mighty happier. What a nice way to end the day, eh? We're only 2 hours away and I feel closer to you :)

Happy birthday again b :)

END POST~10.20am

Happy 23rd Birthday baby!

Alhamdulillah for you :) Insha-Allah, you will have a wonderful life ahead of you and May Allah bless you!

END POST~11.07pm

I wish I had witty opening statements to make but I dont. In fact, Ive logged onto blogger countless times but I end up logging out because I just didnt feel like completing any sentence..

Eventually I would and I'd like to simply jump into talking about other things but, the thing is, I cant. How can I avoid mentioning it because it is was still is a big part of my academic life?

I handed it in late, folks. 40 mins late. But I handed it in nevertheless. I wasnt feeling the emotions I dreamt I would. That sense of accomplishment..the so called 'deliverance'..I did not get to experience that. Instead, I felt nothing and everything but not what I had been longing for.

I felt disappointment, anger, frustration at myself because I was unable to realise the image I had in my head. But I did feel, that given the circumstances, I did the best that I could possibly manage. Still, when I re-read what I submitted and thought of all the things I could have put into it..it saddens me.

Particularly because that thing is supposed to embody all that I have learnt in the past 4 years. It was supposed to mark an achievement..a milestone. I've worked so hard from the beginning, only to falter at the end. What's worse, markers/readers wont appreciate the effort that went into it. All they will see is what I submitted-which isnt a true reflection of what went into it.

But its over. And through the entire process, I have learnt a lot. I know, i know, this is the 'loser talk' but well, its true. I have really learnt a lot abt myself. And I have to say, I have more faith in God than ever before. Because I highly doubt that I would have had the strength to complete it at all had it not been for Him. Well, it might not be a fantastic piece of work, but its done, you know? I think I finally know what its like to hit rock bottom. But to rise above that because of faith.

So that's that. Alhamdulillah. I pray, that when I look back on in life, I will be happy with whats happened. Everything happens for a reason. As much as I want to sound gloomy and all, there must be a reason, beyond me, beyond you, there must be a reason why the sequence of events leading up to the thesis submission happened.

And that drives me...that reminds me that I should really just leave it to Allah. Because He has plans for me and in some ways, Im quite excited to find out what :)

Insha-Allah, I will have a bright future ahead of me. I have been so blessed by what I have now..and even if things dont turn out the way I wish it to, I think I'll be alright..as long as I submit myself to Him.

:)

END POST~10.06pm

I've been so afraid of coming off as dumb or as having not thought through my thesis enough but you know what?

I dont care. This is MY thesis. This is MY final lap. I WILL enjoy writing this.

I WILL HAVE FUN! Because this labour of love is finally going to happen.

Even if it comes out wrong, even if it doesnt make sense to others, it is MY baby, and Im going to make sure as much as I can that it comes out right. I will leave the rest to Allah because He is the only one who can determine my fate.

In short, good or bad, I will love it no matter what happens.

END POST~1.37pm

I'm blessed to have such a supportive studying environment at home. Academia is definitely in our veins!

While i've been moping these past few days, I realise that my brothers and sister are facing similar stresses.

My sis and bro will be taking the same post-grad exam on the 8th of april so they've been up studying and its super encouraging. My eldest bro on the other hand is working hard on his dissertation. I love my family! Its like a library here at night! And its really interesting to see how study modes among us differ. Sister would sleep early yet somehow she'll always cover what she seeks to. I suspect she's the most efficient one among the 4 of us. Brother 2 doesnt sleep. He's a night owl and in some way, I take after him because brother 1 is like sister. He wakes up early and sleeps early. And its nice to see others awake and reading in the dead of the night because it fuels you, you know. Just keep on going...

And when i need help with my thesis, i have so many people to approach. Sister can explain the gynae stuff while brother 2 can explain the cardio stuff (ok la. Maybe im stereotyping my own siblings cos theyre both good at everything) and brother 1 is super experienced with the whole writing thing. I mean he's written a thesis, and published a paper is some journal for his masters..and he's writing another one now...

I love my mugger-ish family.

They really are my inspiration. If they can juggle work and study, why cant I handle study?

Alhamdulillah, my parents instilled in us a sense of passion for knowledge.

END POST~11.49am

First and foremost, thank you so much to everyone for the messages I received today. I am completely overwhelmed and feel so blessed to have people giving me such support and encouragement. And for remembering today, even though I wasnt in the mood for celebrations at all. I've never had so many people wish me before and though it may seem to be nothing much on your part, it really meant a great deal to me, especially at this time in my life.

Thank you so much for reminding me that even in the darkest hour, I am really not alone.

Thank you for making me smile again. For making feel loved.

I started off today tearing at the littlest things and feeling woeful. But now...Im tearing because Im so happy..I am truly blessed! Alhamdulillah :)

It all started at midnight when my Najib sang me a birthday song over the webcam..and I opened the letter he sent me weeks ago (instructions read: Do not open till 25th march)..I was and still am so touched...I love you so much, baby. I felt so much better...

After nudgie went offline, I analysed data some more but I forced myself to sleep at 2am so I could get up at 6am to continue. But I found myself sleeping in till 7.30. Instead of rushing to school, I sat myself down in front of my laptop and continued from where I left off. No way was I going to meet my sup without being prepared. So I took a cab to sch and for some reason, I just couldnt stop crying...

Met the sup, and well, that's another story. Bottom line is: Farah really has a lot to accomplish by this Fri..

Went on to do some graphing before heading for lesson...and then lunch.

After lunch, everything went uphill again. For some reason, seeing Pema made me happy. Seeing her always makes me happy. Im not quite sure why. My appetite which had been absent for days returned! And :), she volunteered to be my servant for the day by zapping a whole load of materials from the lib.

Meanwhile, the sms-es came flooding in. My mom, my dad, and so many more and more and more and more. And when I bump into people, they know! Close friends, aquintances, old friends, new friends...How come? Then I realise....its cos of facebook!! Haha :)

Headed home with yx after the stop at the lib. My mom gave me a hug/kiss as soon as I stepped in. I love my family. Everyone was happy and that made me happy. I'm so blessed. Then my dad started a little doa and there was a lump in my throat...I love my life so much...

Then farhana came over and brought me a cake :) Had a nice chat with her and she was super encouraging :)

And now im online w my nudgie :) I'm going to talk to him because I havent had the time to the whole day today...

And then its back to work for me...

Insha-Allah, I will get things done by the dateline.

END POST~10.55pm