In my words

The Intern

There you are, placing

Your life 

into my unskilled hands

Sitting across 

at a forty-five degrees angle

Your eyes mask the pain that lies

beneath

yet courage you had already shown by even stepping

in

I nod, I listen, I paraphrase

I look for clues in your body, subtle

They say

I search, I think, I formulate

I share it with you, it’s two ways

They say

I keep in the moment and view

Myself

through your eyes, feeling

your pain, your fear, your anguish, your shame:

Who is this in front of me?

Does she have problems 

like me?

Does she feel hurt, pain, anguish and shame?

Doe she yearn for comfort, for a good life

ahead?

Does she feel the world collapsing

on her?

Does she fight, freeze, fall or feign? 

Does she share her pain, her anguish, her shame?

Who helps the help?

I pull away. I pull away.

Don’t look at me that way. 

The focus is on you

today

Well, if you must know, I have my bouts

Of pain, anguish and self-doubt

I speak to my peers, debrief

They say

But truth be told, they too

have their burdens to see through

And others, though they earnestly offer kind words

I have heard, nay even say, them many times a day

I’m a therapist you see

Only I can help me

But come on now, that’s not the point, is it?

I’m here to help 

You

and so the focus

should and must 

never 

be

Me. 

Sem 1 results

ALHAMDULILLAH!!!

I honestly honestly honestly have no idea how this is even possible but I managed to do ok for my first sem results.

I mean, I calculated and there was NO way that I could have gotten a '6' for this one module cos in order to do that, I would have had to score 21 out of 20 for the final component - which obviously is impossible.

Then again, God Loves Me. Time and time again, He answers my prayers. Nothing is impossible, eh.

You know what this means? I'm one step closer to transferring to the doctorate programme. IF Insha-Allah, I manage to convince the head of department this Thursday.

Till then, I have one major competency exam coming up this Thursday (which isnt graded and to be honest, Im totally unprepared, and not as motivated to prep for..)

Still, I want to do well.

Onward! :)

Winter is coming

Heh, I've changed the blog's template too :) Something a little cooler, to suit the impending season. Change can be quite refreshing and inspirational :) 

4 months

Tomorrow marks 4 months. Will come to that in a bit but hmm, blogger has changed it's layout on the back end. Still getting used to this!

Anyway, I'm tired. I've been having back to back assignments - one each week since mid-May. And the frenzy will only come to an end on 5 July. Sigh. I'm not doing as well as I would like to and having assignments return like that time and again has eventually gotten to me. Sometimes I have doubts as to whether or not I even belong here or if they took me in because as an international student, they earn 3-4 times more for admitting me.

Am I working as hard as I should? I guess not. I know I can push myself harder. But I'm tired of that. I just want to learn. But how can I when I get disheartened when I don't perform as well? What a pickle.

I have an exam tomorrow. It's 20%. I need 14/20 so I won't have to recycle (retake). Then a case presentation next week. And then the final of finals for this sem - the MSAT. Multi-station assessment test which I have no clue what I'll be assessed on.

Did I mention that on top of all these, I have my clients? I have 5 active ones at the moment. God, I hope I'm doing right by them. If anything, client work is more important than assignments and la di das. These are people. Lives.

La hawla wa quwwata illa billa.

I shall leave how things unfold to God.  

Away from home

I've been here for almost a month now and I think I can safely say that I've more or less settled into Brisbane.

School is alright. I do feel that I'm learning a whole lot. I love how the focus here isnt so much as content, but on skills/competencies. After all, in this day and age, there is no need to cram all sorts of information any more since info is literally at the tip of our fingers with the internet.

My classmates are great. A mixed bunch of mature and young students. Was a bit out of place in the first 2 weeks because I wasnt sure how to interact with them and vice-versa. But after 2 intensive weeks of classes culminating in a whopping 40% competency assessment, I think we've bonded a fair bit :)

Brisbane weather is weird. I mean it was really really hot when I arrived and it's now so unpredictable. Sometimes it rains. Sometimes its hot. No wonder Im having a cold now. Oh, and sunrise is SO early. Its as bright as 9am in Singapore when its only 630am. Sunset is at 6pm.

Foodwise, there are halal options, and my housemates would take turns to cook so I save money on that. Most things here are expensive. In fact, except for Tim Tams, I dont think Ive found anything here to be as cheap as back home. Hmm.

Social wise, well, Im happier now. I mean, I can get on with my classmates, and I made some friends with a few of them..shopping, running even :) I'm getting along better with housemates. I mean it is hard living with people who arent your family and who well..arent as warm as the people youre used to hanging around with. But you know what, just as my classmates, I think we're all adjusting. At least in the last couple of days, ive been hanging out with my housemates and getting to know their friends to so that's great, eh? :) And thank goodness for skype, fb, whatsapp, etc. I dont feel so far from my family and friends!

One thing at a time. Patience and all will fall into place, Insha-Allah.

New direction

Hello,

I'm sneaking in this post while at work. I am supposed to be packing/filing/archiving. It will be exactly 2 years and 5 months here before I officially leave the organisation. I must say, I was feeling sad and overwhelmed by positive memories as I typed my resignation letter. But after a flurry of events between finishing the last sentence of that and finally submitting the letter, I feel rather energised that I'm moving on.

To school!

I got accepted into the clinical programme of my choice :) Alhamdulillah! And I start in Feb. In fact, it is exactly one month to the day I fly off and embark on a new adventure. Excited? Yes. Terrified? Definitely. I just pray my brain juice hasn't dried up. And I'm trying to psych myself up to the fact that free time will inevitably translate to study time, and anything other would likely stir feelings of guilt. Yikes.

So, I guess, I'll be blogging a lot more from now. Hopefully, not as much as I did while at nus..or at least not so fixated about passing/failing/scoring.

I just want to learn. And enjoy the process!

Bismillah!