Let the bumming begin....

oh yeah....im all ready to bum bum bum!
(incidently, this would be the start of really boring blog entries documenting my rather mundane and uneventful life...for now that is....until i get to EGYPT..ah yes, the land of the pharoahs)

Watched episodes of charmed..the upcoming season that is..some friend of my sis got it online.

Went out shopping today. Burnt like $50+ just like that! My gosh. I should restrain myself. i mean really! If each time i step out of the hse and burn money like that, id be broke.

O yeah, got a really cool qoute to share....saw it from some movie mag...its a spin on what yoda said in episode 1:

"Insecurites lead to fear, fear leads to eating and eating leads to the LARD side". Man, that is so funny.

Watched smallville. Oh, WHY? why cant NUS have gorgeous looking ppl like Clark? Or nice broody bad boyish types like Lex luther whos oh- so- hot?(and rich and gorgeous) Boo. Im dissapointed!! I want a gorgeously yummy and brainy guy to play with. Okay, not play as in PLAY but play as in play. Nice play. Okay, i so do not make sense.

so dont mind me if i pout in a corner.

[pout]

Oh, did this quiz thingy from kim's blog...Its called "Whats your seduction style"

"The Charmer"
You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement.You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you.By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power.And then you've got them exactly where you want them!


Righttttt.......so if thats so true, where are all the smitten-by-my-words guys huh? HUH?

[returns to corner to pout]

Year One Sem 2, adious!

Its over alright. My gosh, what a semester. I dont know where to begin recaping. It just felt like one whole year has gone by even though its only been 4 months.

Ended well, with a splat. Stats. ah well, its over.

Life. Breathe. Live.

My left eyeball hurts. This stabbing feeling..aowww. I think my brain's retaliating or something..seeking revenge for the information overload over the past few days. Stop it brain! Desist! Desist! It wasnt the eyeball's fault!

Watched the OC just know. Finally, guilt free Tv.

OKay, cant take it, my eyeball really hurts.

Im outta here!

Day of reckoning

In exactly 4 and half hours time, i will be sitting for THAT paper.

Funny how my brain feels like mush. My brain and body's protesting, begging me to stop this absurd mad rush to read every single chapter...but i will not desist. you hear me brain? I will not. You hear me you weak body? You are soooo gonna read and understand those remaining chapters. Then you can have your 3 months holiday. So shut up.

Like one the epilogues in my textbook said "semantic organisation is of vital importance. Otherwise, imagine that all the things youve studied for are written on cards.....and these cards are not linked, not categorised. What would you get? A big pile. A mess" Okay, so i paraphrased. But thats the gist of it. But frankly, Mr Reed, frankly, its better to have a big messy pile than NO PILE AT ALL.

So there.

God help me.

...

Burnt. Toast. Screwed. Alamak. Dammit. Crap la.

Its official. Bye bye CAP. Bye bye.

Congratulations farah. You really did it this time. Beyond hope already. Was looking at past year's social psych and cognitive papers.

DIE LAH. I HAVENT EVEN STUDIED COGNITIVE LAH.

Ashamed of myself. So so ashamed.

Boo.

[flings self out the window]

ouch.

im alive. dont worry. Not suicidal. At all. Im looking forward to shopping too much to throw my life away OVER A PIECE OF PAPER.

crying wont help. screaming into a pillow wont either. Abusing ppl wont either.

So, in sum, i shall just suck it up, read my lect notes, and walk into the examination hall with my head high. At least, if the paper's a killer, i'd die knowing that at least, at the very least, i read the damned lecture notes before hand.

argh.

Fat Friday

Feeling so fat. Fat fat fat fat fat.

So hot.

Just showered.

Just came home from school. Wow, i miss coming home from school early. Feels like secondary school again!

Had soci paper today. Okay lah, i think i gave it my best shot. So for that, im happy.

Got back my social psych presentation marks. Not entirely thrilled about it but, given the circumstances, (it was done the day before if you remembered), then im happy lah.

Okay, thanks to my friend, i realised that i officially have 3 more papers to go.

Wohoooooo! In exactly one weeks' time, I would be out with my sister shopping!!!!!!

{squirm} (only justina would know what i mean! hehe.)

Righto, for now, back to mugging!

Tick tock tick tock

No, its not the clock stuck in that crocodile that ate captain cook up.

Yikes. Im running out of time. Im not studying in school today. School's getting too packed and scary.

Argh, fell asleep. And its like MID AFTERNOON!

Must keep awake. No time to waste. No time at all!

Suffer one more week...then can enjoy 3 months break. What a bargain.

And i came up with fantastic quote yesterday evening while having one of my nervous/ anxiety /panic attacks:

"When stressed, remember two things: God and the power of moderation".

home!!

yeah! My sister came back yesterday morning from her Greek vacation. Spent the whole day catching up with her. Yes, so i only finished one chapter of studying...but still....i couldnt help it! Am so so happy cos she brought back tonnes of stuff! Mostly so cos she bought for me a cool lime green Zara top, earrings, necklace....ah...puts me in a shopping mode. Man, the top is niceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....BUT, i"ll prob never wear it unless im either driving or am driven to my destination. Its quite low cut lar. I mean, i cant imagine wearing it on the bus and letting ci-ko-peks stare down my chest. Eeeek.

Cant wait for exams to end...then can finally shop with my sis. Oh, but must lose the weight ive gained thus far thanks to all the munching of rubbish tidbits and chocs....do you know how thoroughly depressing it is to not be able to fit in something you thought you could fit into and then you realise in the changing room that "dammit.....argh". and then you leave the fitting room feeling like a cow.

Anyhow, woohoo, 11 more days to FREEEEDOOOOM!!!!!

Finally, cog is making sense to me. So is stats!

Enlightenment? I hope so!

okie peeps....you should be mugging and not blog surfing...SO BACK TO WORK!

The prayer

Dear God,

Its me again. Well, its that time of the year when i come crawling to you for yet another one of Your miracles. You've helped me a lot through these years....and i profusely thank you for that.
In fact, sometimes i wonder if i deserve what i have...but i am so grateful to You nonetheless. Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah.

Allah, please give me the strength and courage to go on studying. Please help me make my family (oh how i love them so much that no words can describe) proud of me.
Allah, i know i used to dream of getting first class honours...to make it to the dean's list...etc etc etc...how foolish of me....All i want now, is to be satisfied....to be happy....contented.

I know i havent been a very good muslim. Im ashamed of that fact. I really am. But i try my best. Sigh.

So my exams are coming up. Help me please?

Bukakan hatiku kepada ilmu pengetahuan. Terangkan hatiku. Tenangkan fikiranku.

And allah, one last request, let it be, such that when i get my results back, i will not forget about You. No matter what it is, that i will not forget that everything good or bad comes from You. And that everything happens for a reason.....

Amin.

Im just like that. Must i explain myself?

Yeah, i suppose i would have to. So here it goes.....

Ive just realised something. I think that only my sec school and jc friends truly know what im like when im in my study serious mode.

It was in a lect....sitting with a few uni friends....and then i was focusing...in the zone...concentrating...and im sure those of you who know me would be familiar with my facial expression when im concentrating.......

So urgh. I just disliked how my friends asked me "are you okay? you seem stressed..relax...bla bla bla". My gosh. Since when must i explain and justify my facial expression? Man, i know you guys mean well but really!!

so let me make this clear: I AM PERFECTLY FINE, thanks for asking.

and i really am very very grateful for your concern, i really am. Its just that you know, sometimes i think that 'stress' can be imposed....do i make sense? As in you know, when im all well and feeling okay...and a whole group of ppl asks me "are you ok?" ....its a bit bizarre right? How am i suppose to react?

But really, thank you very much. It means a lot to me. Really.

Okay, glad i cleared things up.

PS: to ppl whom i have unconsciously offended and who i know i will be unconsciously offending in the days to come, my apologies for my hostility, abruptness etc etc etc...

Thanks for understanding once again.

Regards,
farah

state of mind

I will not panic.

I WILL not panic.

I Will NOT panic.

I will not PANIC.

I WILL NOT panic.

I WILL NOT PANIC.

PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[farah runs around hysterically and slams head into wall]

Ouch.

I will not panic.

I WILL NOT PANIC.

[omg omg omg!! NINE DAYS LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH]

I will not panic.

Phew. okay. Im fine now. Had panic attack yest. In fact i think theres like an internal panic alarm....sets off every evening at ard 5pm.

So i have 9 days left...[NINE DAYS YES].....ah well......i guess i"ll have to study smart.

CAN DO. Can do........

CAN LAR.......

right?

er...

Okay okay.....CAN...now get back to work.

Perseverer!!

Je ne sais pas pourquoi je ne peux pas utilise les accents!! Ah bien, je ecrite mon blog sans accents! Mais attention farah, pour ton test demain, n'oublie pas de accents!!!!

Oui, parce que j'ai un test (la derniere fois pour cette sem) demain, je dois ecrire et penser en francais.

Reellement, je suis a la fac maintenent. J'ai allee ici en voiture. Mon pere me conduire parce que aujourd'hui, c'est results de ma souer. En fait, il y a 5 heures, j'ai pris sa results parce qu'elle est en train de vacance au Grec. J'etais tres effrayer.....et quand l'heure est arrive, et la porte a ouvrie, mes parents sont entre......et je ne voulais pas entre cette salle.....beaucoup de gens...alors, j'ai attendu exterieur. Apres, j'ai cherche sa nom sur la tableu...C'est vrai!! Ma souer recue a!!!!! Ma mere etait tres hereuse!! Elle a pleure un peu, mais la larme de heuresement!!! Mon pere tres hereux aussi. Et moi, je ne pourrai pas attendre elle retourner a singapour. Bien sur, je attends man present!!!

Et, oui, je suis tres tres tres tres tres fierere de ma souer. Pourquoi? Parce qu'elle a etudie bien!! Aujourd'hui, elle est le medicin!!

Alhamdulillah!

Alors, apres cette evenement du matin, je dois travaille serieusement.....je dois etudier si mes parents seront me fierere. Oui, j'ai deux semain mais je connais, si je commence aujourd'hui et si je suis priere, insya-allah, j'aurai succes.

Amin.

[PS: yes, i wrote this in french myself..which is why it sucks. argh. well, at least i could write a post in french! hahahahha]

Stalked!

I just got home but Im still so so shaken!!

My goodness...I thought it'd never happen in my neigbourhood but urgh. At least thank God, Im fine!!

So i alighted the bus.. buble in my ear..minding my own business as i walk the stretch from the bus stop to my house...then i heard shuffles....i turned, it was this guy, who looked like some teacher or smt..so anyway, he was gaining on me...but i couldnt be bothered. I thought that he was probably rushing back home and i was in his way or smt...so i moved slower to let him pass.....

Then when he got ahead of me, he slowed down as if to walk beside me...i think he smiled or smt but i looked away...the last time i smiled at a stranger in school, i had to endure being harassed..long story.Besides, i was tired.......and had this weird feeling...
so i uttered a silent prayer to myself.. i prayed that whatever the guy's intentions are, protect me from harm...so that i may reach home safely....

then it happened! My suspicions were confirmed! He was following me! He thought i would go down this little flight of stairs leading to my block..he kept glancing back..so i walked on and pretended i was heading to other blocks...then he did the same!!Then i went to the lift landing of my block...AND HE DID THE SAME!!!.....

He thought i was gonna take the lift but instead i took the stairs. Phew...then he backed off..

Dammit, is this place safe anymore? Stalk me for what??!!!! HIt you with my stats book and scream into your ear then you know. But that aside, i was honestly very very very frightened. Oh man.

My dad scolded me for staying in school till so late....but urgh...i needed to mug!!

Anyway, alhamdulillah im safe and sound at home...

PHEW.

PS: looks can be deceiving cos the guy, this chinese middle aged guy who can pass off as some maths or econs teacher really looked decent....ah well. So dear friends, beware ya?

Deadly sin: So slOb me.

Was reading the Sunday times just now. Wow, its been a while since i actually sat down and really digest whats going on. (while munching on my chocolate hazelnut moose cake at 10.30am) (in fact, im munching on pringles now...so much for breakfast).

So, singaporeans think that lazyness is one of the most deadly sins eh? I concur...oh how i agree. Just look at me now! And im feeling guilty for waking up late, only to have my digestive system break down tonnes of fats!

My goodness, sometimes, i think my parents are doing this to me on purpose!!! Buying so much goodies in the house! How will i ever lose that bleeping 5 kg i sought to in my new year's resolution (which, by the way, was carried forward from 2 years ago..so you see how im not progressing at all)

Just check out my kitchen man! 6..yes, SIX cans of pringles, 1 packet of some cadbury chocolate centred cookies, another pack of some cadbury chocolate biscuits, some kerepek merepek thing, bauloo (how do you spell that), a pack of Tim Tams, 2 huge packets of cheezels...and goodness, im too afraid to look in the fridge!

[farah takes another chip.....hmm..label says 0g trans Fat...oh really? COME ON LAH]

Anyway, progressing at a fine/splendid rate for my socio write up!! Managed to do my surveys...all i need to do now is to throw in some charts and rip off some statement from some source (of course id leave a biblio la) and then im done! Weekend wonder write-up done!

PS: thanks to my ever so patient subjects/interviewees...though i must say, Farhana, you are the suckiest and most annoying subject anyone can have! Remind me NOT to interview you for my thesis or smt! So degil!(stubborn/too clever for your own good) hahahahhaha..

Oh gosh, i feel sick now. All that choc cake and pringles churning...bluergh.

Will go jog them off later...i think...nah...maybe i"ll go tmr...heh, or maybe tuesday...hehehe.

somebody SLOB me baby. yeah!

(mental note: austin powers is not a good influence. i keep saying "baby" these days. stop it farah.)

Oh yea, i think ive fallen in love with my tuition kids! Well, i dont know why.....but i was teaching the two sisters like from 4-8pm...and their parents werent home...and well, they were so independent...you know, the elder one taking care of the other two....and my goodness...the youngest one, this little boy called Hakim, is so darn cute. He's in primary 3. So so lovable. So naughty too. He tried to show he was a good boy by doing his english hmk while i taught his elder sis...then he quietly crept up to me and said "i dont know how to do".....man, my heart just melted! I mean, im not even paid to teach the fella..but ahh...so i taught him....then after his attention span wanned, which was like within 1/2 hour, he kept making me laugh by creeping behind his sister and making funny noises and stuff....Oh but the really reallly funny thing that got me laughing so hard was when he refused to bathe....and then, as i was teaching the eldest sis, he crept behind her, and wrapped his towel over her head and went "arghhhhhh"...hahahhaha...so hilarious! Oh man, she was pissed! (amazingly, his sister had to bathe him cos their mother doesnt trust the boy to bathe by himself....i was kinda shocked cos he's NINE!! then again, he is rather mischievous...might waste water)

Anyway, by the time it was time for me to leave, he was saying "stay la..can watch cartoon....a while only" Oh, how i wanted to. For a moment, i didnt feel like a tutor! I felt like i was the babysitter or something! But i had to go home...

Haha..ah well, i suppose i'd always wanted a little brother. Hahah, i even wanted to bring him home! hahah...and no, I am not and do not harbour kidnapping tendencies.

Ok, ok, i shall get back to work..So gonna finish socio today!

The sun shines.....im happy again

Honestly, im pretty darn sure my mood and the weather are somehow correlated.

Just came home....Buble's in my ear. Decided to turn away from angry music....and im feeling more relaxed...Its a beautiful evening...beautiful.....and suddenly everything seems all nice...babies in the train made me smile.....heh, the man who made funny faces at one of the babies made me smile...its nice to see men playing with babies...just melts the heart.

[lets out a deep sigh]
What a day...was almost late for school today..wait, i was late for lect. Luckily my dad sent me...and so, i memorised the route to school so that should he ever not want to send me to school, i'll just threaten him and tell him i'll drive there myself! ;) So here's the deal....TAKE THE ECP cos its so fast. Do NOT exit at Rochor. Go all the way straight...and then somehow you"ll see Normaton Park....Keep driving....then either exit when you see Science Park and hence go thru NUH or exit at Clementi and go by the bus route 96. Heh, pretty easy!

Had lunch with cheryl,dhevi and marisa....was supposed to study cog in the second hour..but slobs that we are. SIGHS.

Had a chat with Cheryl. Youre right cheryl...Im suppressing it under hatred. And youre right. Hatred is not the way to power my determination.
And youre right: Im quick to be determined but not many ppl know the other truth. Heh, lets just leave that in the dark shall we?

So i take it back. I would have deleted the darn post but again, Cheryl, youre right. Its a process. Besides, its a little hypocritical of me....

So yes, its true. Sometimes Im hot, sometimes im cold...sometimes im hot, sometimes im cold...on and on and on...I guess its not easy being you. If i were you, id be so frustrated with me...and then i'd run away from me...you know, that temperamental, highly emotional girl that farah is....id run far far faraaaaaa away.

So here i go, [heaves big sigh]

Im sorry.

I dont know if you still read my blog....Im sorry nonetheless. Im sorry for puttin you in a spot.

SO SOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYY.

There.

So now, hatred aint gonna fuel me....my fuel....is well....im still trying to figure out..maybe my fuel...is just to do my best. Just to be happy. Satisfied.

That's it. I shall just work as hard as i can. And whatever i get or how i do, i'll be satisfied.
That feels so much better. So so much better.

Quando quando quando playing now. :)

PS: Thanks chris. Thanks for everthing...OH!! and for educating farah on how to get to orchard from school...heh, take 95, drop after buena vista MRT...the take 111 and drop after lucky plaza to get to heeren!! Wheee~ hahahhahahaha..im prob the last undergrad to know the way to town by bus! better late than never..

Oh yea, in case youre wondering, i went there to collect the photos...havent seen em. Should be interesting.HAhahahahhaha.

Okay okay.....enjoy youre weekend peeps!