whine..WHINE!

I miss my baby.

Wont be seeing him till 11 may. He's been confined. Sheesh. For 3 weeks!

Which means, in total, ive been out with him once...in 6 weeks...1 out of 42 days!!!

Love hurts.

URGH.

The last lap

Im not in the mood to study. At all.

Someone, please help me. I cant seem to focus. And this coming paper on tuesday is the one im really afraid of cos theres too many things to know.

I want to study but i just cant seem to get anything in. The words seem to just fly over my head. I cant focus..

Neeeed tooo foccccusssss......

And im getting super grumpy cos i cant.

bleahhh.

Bleah

NM2219. Hmm. I thoroughly enjoyed the module. Its one of the 2 modules i will definitely look back after graduating and say "man, im glad i took that". The other one is 'film N history'.

So today was the exam. Haiya. In the words of Kelly Pickler "I butchered it". Gargh. It was a do-able paper and I made careless mistakes. Dont you just hate it when you have too much time and you keep checking your answers and start second-guessing yourself and bla bla bla only to realise your first answer was correct..and you just feel like someone dropped a sledgehammer on your head and you just wanna cry. SIGH.

And then there's the fact that even if you think you do well, chances are you might still not get the grade you want. I want an A. I kid you not. I mean ive been doing consistently well. Or so i thought. Until i realise that everyone's marks are superbly high which means that high marks does not = good grade. And so today's 100 MCQs could either make or break my grade. So guess which one?

GROAN.

Anyway, next up is GEK exam on friday. Then dev psych on tues. Then im done.

Nothing much to look forward to. Sent an email for internship at a hospital. Got rejected. But hey, im glad they replied so :) im on their radar. They told me to come back in one year's time when they feel i'll be more ready.

Gonna keep those letters out..just gotta keep trying to land something.

Watched american idol just now. Chris whats-his-name is freaking HOT lah. And when he sang bryan adam's 'Have you ever really loved a woman', my knees went weak. My heart skipped a beat, my tongue started wagging and i even drooled.

I think im a sucker for fashionably bald men. I think they're sexy. I mean, look at Lex Luther. Ahhh..they just exude this air of mystery and come-hitherness, machoness and power...oh i'm such a power whore.


ANYWAY, need to stop dreaming..

Full steam ahead! (hmm, sounds like a band's name. If i ever form a band, i'll call ourselves Full Steam Ahead)

Hey you..

Yes you...you sneaky little thing.

So youre back to haunt me, are you? Havent you learnt your lesson? I told you i'd show you a couple of months back and i did, didnt i?

So you like pain. Stop laughing. I know you're gleefully making comments about my term paper. Just you watch out.

Im gonna make sure you pay tmr.

9am, Temasek Hall.

Beware, health psychology, beware.

I'll do you like no one has done before.

I am ready for you.

FRIDAY! NOT saturday!

Exams start on FRIDAY for Farah.

So much for being on the ball.

Sheesh.

The war has begun.

Now that all the pesky term papers, quizes and whatevers are over, and ive finally managed to spend a few precious hours with my darling since he came back from taiwan on friday without worrying about a looming dateline, I AM satisfied.

I am now all psyched up to MUG all the way to the finals. Hmm, which leaves me 4 days before my SW paper...but finally! I can just focus on studying....

I WANT to just sit down, and study!

Note to self: STUDY!!!!!!

STUDY

STUDY

STUDY!!!

December....is a long way from now.

Is it me or does it feel like its nearing the end of Oct/November? It seems to me that its the end of the year. I guess the rainy weather has something to do with it. But i think a better explanation would be the exams nearing..

And why do i keep thinking that today is either Saturday or Monday?

I hate it when my body clock's all warped up.

I woke up at 9.30 this morning. Im supposed to be up and about at 7.30 for the next two weeks.

I have yet to do anything productive. Think i'll go cut my nails.

Im going to school later to return a very overdue book and to start working on my GEK project which is due on monday. Im gonna make sure i have fun doing this paper. Why wont I? My darling's gonna work on it with me! :)

Aside: If you've watched TV recently, there's this advertisement featuring models parading in Sloggi underwear.

Damn. I want to have a sloggi-model-body.

One more paper..then mug mug mug all the way

Im zonked. Didnt sleep. Unless you consider 3 hours of dreaming about correlations sleep.

Am tired.

My baby's coming home.

:)

Twoday

"We musnt panic....we musnt panic....ahhhhhh"- A hen from Chicken run

Ok. I have 2 days to complete health report. I am SO motivated to do this and to do a good one at that, that i have become obsessed with researching via Psychinfo, neglecting the fact that research is just HALF of what im supposed to do.

The other half is actually WRITING the report...

In the lib now. 5th Floor, sing-mal collection section. Realise that discusion room is not as conducive as i expected. Plus, the toilet is very far....and every time i leave the room i feel many eyes staring at me, wishing for me to vacate the room so they can take the room. EEK.

Anyway, just read vem's blog and kinda disturbed a little. Was i uptight on my birthday? I wasnt...yet did i somehow portray myself as that?

Bleah. Granted, i am (dispositinally) a usually uptight person...but not on my bday what (situationally...oh goodness, im applying what i learnt in health psych..wohhoo)...was i?

This just goes to show that im very affected by how people see me. Haha, wish is why i can never be a celebrity...or i'll go crazy.

Talk abt being neurotic man!

Neuroticism and health.

Im doing THAT for my report i think.

sha la la

GOOOOOOOOOOD morning!

What a happy morning :) I just feel happy.

Even though i did not get a decent sleep on the couch, im still happy.

H

A

P

P

Y

Even though i have a term paper worth 20% due on thursday and i havent started.

H

A

P

P

Y

Because my baby called me at 5.45am to bid me good morning. :)

H

A

P

P

Y

Because I know I can get through this semester

H

A

P

P

Y

Because i managed to be one of those kanchong spiders standing outside central library doors before they open

H

A

P

P

Y

Because i got discussion room 3 on level 6 which i will HOG for as long as i can!!! Muahahhaa.

:)

H

A

P

P

Y

Because discussion room 3 is bright yellow and has a nice view! :)


Okay. As happy as i am, i have work to do. :)

Crankster

The time of the semester has come once again, when a gray cloud hovers around farah's head, leading her to behave in tsk-tsk ways.

Haiya. To cut the crap, ive started being darn cranky lah. Its the exams period man!

ROAR!!!!!

So, i apologise in advance to any poor sod who will have to be at the receiving end of my bitchy behaviour. This includes

1) Being extremely sarcastic
2) being impatient and hence snapping at ppl more than usual
3) making snide comments abt everything
4) 'So annoying' and 'moron' shall be the most frequent phrases i will mutter to myself
5) I'll just walk away from wherever if i feel that im in the presence of distracting and incompetent people.
6) I will be rather unsociable
7) I will roll my eyes more than usual
8) I may not reply sms-es which i think to be stupid or doesnt deserve to be replied to.

On the other hand,

1)I may be excessively whiny
2)I may cry easily

OR

I may be extremely high....even higher than when i have my plate of guavas.

Hmm.

Just beware of my temporary bipolar personality lah.

But i dont think i'll harm anyone la :) Previous sems were ok right?

Wheeeee~

Growl.

Wheeee~~~`

Growl.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeee~

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!!! :)
(youre not here to read this anyway.boo.)

So what does this mean?

I just received an email from OSA asking me to come down for an RA briefing. Does this imply that i have been given the position? I sure hope not. Let's hope a briefing is just a briefing.

Im really having doubts as to whether i should go for this RA position. I mean, i'll be in year 3. YEAR THREE!!! Do i want to put myself through a whole new experience? Having to be responsible and all that stuff? LIving away from home? It'll all add up to ADDITIONAL stress.

Ya, so what if i cut travel time? Will this travel time then be eaten up by my RA commitments? Then there's fasting month, hari raya...

Then there's being away from my main source of social support....am i willing to risk my focus in my THIRD YEAR??

I was really psyched up for the position until yesterday. For the past week, i was unable to focus. I wasnt able to concentrate for my dev quiz today. And i simply was not motivated. Being alone at home made it worse cos i keep sleeping and stuff...so when my parents and sis came back yesterday, i suddenly found direction again! Its like...i cant describe it...but its like everything is back to as it should be..this inner peace...and then i can focus on what i have to do....

Oh no! Im so dependent on them! Like i need them as a security base before exploring...and being competent and all (bringing in theory of attachment)

Then like that HOW? How will i survive on campus for a whole 4-5 months? I wont be able to survive lah.

Oh NO! then if i wanna do postgrad overseas??? I'll probably be too chicken to break out of my comfort zone!

Hence, the RA position will force me into becoming independent, thrust me into a 'foreign' environment where i'll have to swim or drown (or take the mRT back to tamp crying)...

Plus, having RA on my CV would be darn impeccable lah....

BUT in MY THIRD YEAR??

Whatever lah. I shall go for the briefing. It isnt a confirmation. Its a BRIEFING.

Breathe farah, breathe.

Shall focus on this sem first.

I want my fammy. :( I love my fammy.

Ive just baby-worded family.

(Bang head on table)

Anyway, waiting for bro to pick me up. Need to shop for present for my other bro's birthday....

Till then, im still deciding on a research qn for health psych report. Hmm.

Tear-jerking

Call me a softie but i simply could not stop my tears from flowing as i read the feature article in the little supplementary health paper that comes every wednesday with the main paper i subscribe to.

Its an inspirational story about a man who had such an admirably immense dedication and love for his wife, when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, a form of dementia. Im sure you know that this horrendous disease does to people...it takes away every inch of the person that you are and reduces you to nothing. And the saddest part is, the people around you will be hit the most, seeing the person that you were degenerating before their eyes. Gosh. I mean the person with AD will find it frustrating but he/she may not realise whats happening to them at later stages.

So, hit with the disease, the couple decided to make the best of it and go travelling. The husband, Ray, wanted to ensure that his wife's mind received constant stimulation. So they travelled around the world while the disease ate at her mind. My gosh. Can you imagine how painful it is to see the one you love slowly slipping away from you? And yet he went on. I mean wow.
He said "You dont stop loving someone because they are ill"

If there is one disease im so afraid of, its Alzheimer's. Honestly. Im afraid to be incapacitated before i leave. Im afraid of losing everything ive experienced, everything i know...everyone i know, every emotion ive felt...Its so scary, the regression!
And im so scared that someone i know might get it too! I dont think i'll have the strength.

Oh God, i pray no one i love will be afflicted by AD. I pray i dont get AD too.

I learnt in my GEK class that the conclusion of a longitudinal study conducted abt AD uncovered serveral things. The probability of AD depends on:

1) Your education (i suppose this refers to how read/active your mind is)
2) Language ability (ie ability to write fluently)
3) Levels of folic intake (where high levels would prevent this)
4) genetic predisposition

But ultimately, even these 4 probabilities are just possible reasons linked to AD. It also depends on takdir (fate).

Bleah. What a teary start to my wednesday. *Sniffs*

Mental note

Do NOT watch 4 webcast lectures in a row.

Talk about saturation.

Not entirely being

Ihavenoideawhatswrongwithme!

GARGH. wasted the entire saturday (unless you count reading 1 tiny paragraph of dev text productive). Sat was supposed to be mug-till-you-wanna-cry day. But NOOOO. I ended up day-dreaming half the time and actually dreaming the other half. I keep falling asleep and finding it hard to wake up. Like lala dream land keeps sucking me back in even though i WANT to wake up!

Why? accumulated lack of sleep over the past week? Cant be what. I havent really been doing as much as i should.
And why do i keep finding alternative(read: unimportant) things to do instead of studying?

I havent read the dev text since the beginning of this sem and i have a test this friday. I just realised that i have TWO presentations before friday. Can someone please kick my ass and motivate me to start studying seriously? Actually, im quite motivated..i just need someone to kick me. Hard.

The peeps i usually have to spur me on are OVERSEAS.
My dad (who makes me feel guilty if i dont have a book plastered to my face)
Mom (who makes me feel guilty cos she thinks im smart)
Sis (who, well, who's like my hero. bookworm mugger. she's a natural)
and my najib (who's like "you can do it la baby, just work really really hard now..etc")

IM ALL FREAKING ALONE.

Even people who take the same modules as me are not very motivating. They have their own things going on...and quite frankly, apart frm melinda, either Im not close enough to the others or i dont think they actually KNOW what the heck is going on or what the schedule's like etc that it frustrates me and i just want to throw an organiser at them. I mean really. -_- Just hurl it at them.

Ok lah. Disclaimer: My NM2219 group mates are heaven-sent, particularly Yanyan and theresa. If all Nm peeps are like this, I love NM ppl.

I miss sharing modules with Pema. I honestly do. She freaks me out and makes me wanna study. We'll both bitch abt all the work we havent done and then share this silence and then one of us will say "We're so screwed we better do smt now or we'll really be screwed."

I mean i dont have to be the one constantly on the ball and freaking ppl and myself out. Im SO tired of being the one. I want someone to freak ME out for a change.

FREAK ME OUT QUICKLY. Someone....please..

I want my Pema! MY GAWD. Im gonna cry when she goes on exchange. ARGH.

Amazing. typing abt her makes me wanna study. hahahhaa....

I think im losing it.

I hate unproductive days!!!

Oh ya, i had a funny dream today. Dreamt i was back in primary school. and i met my old pri school classmates and we were laughing, reminiscing abt the old days (note: i HATED pri sch so laughing and all did strike me as bizzare). My pri 6 teacher Mr Fun (honest, thats his name. and he isnt all that fun) was giving us a lesson.
In the dream he said smt like "Now we have new technology...bla bla" and whatever he was saying receeded into the background and we went for an excursion.

The funny bit is that in the dream, I was dead. After running away from zombies or whatever it was at the place of the excursion, I had to climb several flights of steps. Gosh, it was scary. So tiring. I wanted to give up but someone beside me kept saying "dont give up. Keep pushing. You'll be one step closer to heaven" And i felt aircon. Hmm. At the same time, i was afraid. I dont deserve it. I was so afraid that i'd reach the top only to slide down. Then, out of nowhere, there was this minibus. And we were supposed to alight at whichever stop we think we ought to. I was once again afraid. I didnt know how to gauge what i deserved. I mean, the first stop was the best...and i had a bad feeling that the last would be hell...so i didnt wanna stick ard for the last stop.

I asked the others on the bus "what happens if you get down at a stop you dont deserve?"

Nobody knew. It was more like "why dont you try to find out?"

After a few stops, i decided that i should alight soon or else i'll reach the end..which i honestly dont want to...and so i got off.....nothing happened so i guess it was the right stop. But in my heart, i knew i didnt deserve it. Anyway, that stop wasnt like "whoa...heaven" or anything. It was the same place i boarded the bus or smt. Only a little different.

ANYWAY, i woke up lah. Strange strange dream.

I think i sleep too much.

KICKS self.

YOU SEEEEEE!!!

HUH????

I thought i uploaded more pics than that?!!!! GARH. Technology hates me. BOO.

Anyway, i guess i'll upload more when i bring my laptop to school. I reckon the school network is faster and wont d/c me as much.

Realise that i havent been blogging much cos of the photos. Heh, im stalling lah. I mean its odd if i blog and not put them up right? As you can see, people are already hunting me down for them on my tagboard.

My parents and sister left for penang/langkawi yesterday morning. So the house is all quiet. AND i am food-less.

Had dinner with Ave last night. First time at Thai Express. Never knew it'd be so expensive. I mean, its not all that great. Yummy but not like WOW or anything. Then Ave went to eat SOME more. Muk!!! hehe.

Wanted to catch up with winston and farhana yest. The latter was busy w school work and the former, well, wanted to go for drinks at clark quay. After some thought, decided to just go home and sleep. Weather was nice. Besides, i was tired. Didnt quite sleep the night before.

Yeah, stayed in school till 10pm to do my PR report. Reached home at 11.30pm, and my parents were packing and bla bla bla...
Couldnt sleep cos I missed my baby. And i so hate it that he's so far away and i cant even have a decent conversation with him...then started feeling all shit insecure...but everything's alright now. I just want him home....

Then lect and stuff and then BAM! I realised over lunch at the swaps table that im gonna be a third year. Freaking hell! IM GONNA BE A 3rd YEAR!!! So fast!!!! Too fast! I dont wanna be among the unemployed, disgruntled arts graduates so soon! Not yet..

Blimey. Another 2 major projects, 1 presentation and 1 so-called 'mid'-term and im done. Done as in done but not DONE done. 3 weeks to exams man.

[bangs head on table]

I WANNA GET STRAIGHT 'A's. whine whine whine.

And i think uncanny is a funny word. uncanny uncanny uncanny.

See ah, over lunch, i told Karina and whoever else that was listening that the OSA peeps didnt call me for the Resident assistant selection interview. And i went on saying "oh,good la. after my bday, i realise how much i love my family and i never ever wanna leave them".

At 6pm-ish, I received a call for the RA interview on monday 1.15pm.

...

Yes, yes, I know.

I was all ready to publish the pictures when my wireless connection screwed up. GARGH. Unfortunately, most of my pics are in my laptop so what i have in the pc im using now will not be as nice as the ones in my Jitsu. BUT since you guys insist i put some more up, i'll put some of em first, ok? :)