Alhamdulillah, I just got a call to inform me I've made it to the final stage of selection for this job.

I was really happy considering I thought I didnt do well in the first 2 rounds...

But I dont know why. A part of me is feeling really heavy. I mean, granted, making it to the next round is really really good since the selection is super rigorous la! But suddenly, everything seems to be moving so quickly.

And not a word from any of the organisations to which I had applied for a psych position.
And that depresses me a little. And as I type this, there's a lump in my throat. And I keep hearing the voice of a certain peer who says that the first job should be a psych job, and from another that a first job should carry a good title.

Or this. Or that. Nye nye nye. People's comments affect me more than I thought. Worse, if I get a non-psych job, people will ask me what happened to my plans. People will ask how come youre not pursuing psych. Bla. Bla. Bla. Bla. Bla.

And then I worry. If I dont get a psych job this year, if I wait till 3-4 years later, by then, due to the sheer fact that the number of psych undergraduates are growing by the year, the market would be too saturated and I would have missed the opportunity.

Of course, I could go for further studies and then with a Masters, finding a job would be easier (I think) but still....

Why is it that people are getting calls for psych jobs and Im not? Am I not good enough? Is my CV bad? Are my results not good enough?

Or simply, is this not what God has installed for me?

Why am I feeling resentment? Why am I feeling bitterness when this isnt what I want to feel at all. I have to believe that everything happens for a reason. I have to.

Im frightened.

Im really scared.

I want people to stop asking me about jobs already. I want people to stop giving me the pathetic stares they give when I tell them Im not getting replies. I want people to stop asking me why.

Im not ready for this now.

I want to stop time.

I just want to live out the rest of my undergraduate days not thinking about the future.

I want to live in the present.

I need to let go and leave it to Allah. If its meant to be, its meant to be.

I can just pray that whatever the outcome is, I'd have tried as hard as I can, and I'd have made decisions in my life that I wont regret, nor would any peers make me regret.

Breathe.

I need to let go. I need to embrace things which come my way as a blessing and that it happens for a reason that only God knows.

Breathe

END POST~1.17pm