Exam's tmr and I'm not prepared. In a strange way, I dont care. I mean I care about doing well and doing my best but Im so sick of exams. The whole mugging and writing stuff examiners want to read so they know that I know whats going on and bla bla bla.

Boring, I tell you.

But nooooo, I have 3 more papers. Tmr, sat and next wed.

And so I havent been that motivated to mug. Ive been highly distracted by the littlest things.

I cant believe I used to be such a hardworking person. Yet this sem, Ive gotten lazy and complacent. I deserve what I get in the end. Sigh.

Anyway, that aside, my grandma's in ICU. So I went to see her this morn, despite my dad saying i can visit her after my exams. Oh no no no. I will not repeat the same mistake I made with my other grandma. I didnt visit her two yrs ago when she was in hosp because I had a test and I wanted to study for it first. I told my mom I'd see her the day after. But it was too late. She passed on.

So nenek looked so frail when I first saw her. Tubes sticking in and out of her and all. But then she started talking and stuff and we could joke with each other so Alhamdulillah, I think she's okay. Good thing my sis is on call tonight too. So at least she wont feel alone at night with my sis on watch.

Back to mugging. This one is for my grandma.

END POST~10.30am

Haha. I look so pro.

http://cardiovascularlab.googlepages.com/farahidujion

EXAMS!

Jason Wade has one of the most soothing voices on the face of the earth

I heart Lifehouse.

END POST~12.24pm

I am exhausted.

I am tired.

Now I understand why a psych thesis is worth 3 modules of credits. I just want to go home. Stay at home. And start mugging like everyone else.

But I have so much admin stuff to do. Im tired. Im at the point where I find some of my participants annoying and uncooperative. People. What goes around comes around. You wait until you have to do an IRP/ISM/thesis then you know.

Wah. Those peeps not doing psych Ht will prob get straight As la. Then again, they'd have to take more psych modules per sem than I do. So i guess sama sama in the end la.

TIRED. Come come participants. Join my lab study. Help farah. I give you chocolate.

END POST~5.44pm

I am going to blog about how small I feel living in this world. How it is that reading about things going on in the world can affect me to the point where I just stop reading about them altogether. I remember back in jc, I would dutifully read every article in the papers and elsewhere, well, because of Gp. I read them not because I was interested but because I had to. But that forced me to open my eyes. To see how blessed I am to live here. To be grateful for being raised here. And then I remember feeling upset about some issue of some sort happening abroad. I remember feeling so angry and that I wish someone could do something about it. I remember telling my sister about it and I vividly remember her reply "What can you do?". What could I do?

Resignation. Thats what I felt. And so, I sank into apathy.

Today I was flipping through newsweek and that same sentiment crept into me. That same, helpless desire to do something. Here I am. A uni student so self-absorbed in the drama of my life and yet out there...out there...

Then it hit me. We each have a responsibility to the world. All of us. But especially those of us deemed to be in the uppermost percentile of out population in terms of education. Those of us whom are supposed to be aware...Yet, what are we doing? Sitting in ivory towers, writing term papers about stuff going on, passively watching from the sidelines!

Yet, what can we do?

So here I am once again...I feel that fire in me subsiding as I type this..dissipating...

I'm sliding back into apathy.

Maybe I just shouldnt fight it.

It's easier.

END POST~4.20pm

I almost cried in class today. I was superbly disappointed because I worked so darn hard for my GLM assignment and I thought I really understood those chaps well. Yet I got the same grade as I did for the previous assignment in which I didnt put in much thought for.

Worse, everyone did better than before. The mean for the class for the previous two assignments were B. So great, I was on par with most people. Then for this final assignment, the freaking mean was like an A-. What the? So of course I felt crappy like a piece of gum stuck at the base of someone's shoe. And he had to return the assignments at the start of class. So you can imagine how I wasnt paying much attention.

It was only after one hour or so of wallowing in self-pity that I vowed to work harder than ever.

Dammit farah, time to really really mug.

And you know what song popped into my head? "I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down"

And then I was paying attention again :)

So know what? Alhamdulillah for that B. That assignment has definitely spurred me on. Woke me up. Reminded me to be humble again.

There's a reason for everything.

Insya-allah, I'll do ok for the exams.

END POST~4.50pm

I was watching the trailer for hellgate-london on youtube.

I WANT!

Ok, the trailer was super. But when I watched the in-game video, it was a bit...I dont know..messy? But I guess its supposed to be that way. Coolness. But I cant possibly get it now :( I mean I havent even completed F.E.A.R.

And most importantly, there's school. Bah. I shall resume all games after I grad. When nudgie's overseas and if I have nothing to do on weekends.

Sounds like a plan :)

END POST~1.49pm

OHHHHH!!!!!

Coolness! Now I can see anti-clockwise! But only when I cover my left eye! Which means to say that my right side of the brain is truly more dominant than my left!

:)

END POST~9.46pm

The right brain Vs Left brain test

I dont get it!!! Why do I see the ballerina spinning in the clockwise direction and not anti-clockwise?

Check this out!!! http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,22535838-5012895,00.html

Got this from zhisheng. So cool!

END POST~9.31pm

I was looking at dunman's website cos I needed to help mel with something. Then I chanced upon photos of teachers from each dept. I scanned each and every photo, looking out for familiar faces and I found a few. Its been 6 years, farah, of course the staff members would change. But the familiar ones in the pictures..each one of them jolted different anecdotes in my head..and then suddenly, I miss sec school.

The greatest times I had in my years of schooling :) Maybe uni comes in second for now. But sec school is...so familiar..so comforting...so lasting in memory.

I love Dunman Sec Sch and all the times I spent with the special people who made Dunman..Dunman. From those scary Sec 5s when I was sec 1 to those annoying sec 1s when I was sec 4..

:) Im smiling.

END POST~2.52am

Alhamdulillah!

Im going to start my with my females participants this week..AND AND AND as soon as Mon! And this is such such a good week to start because I dont have any assignment to rush through :)

Anyway, Najib and I went to the zoo today. We had so much fun, didnt we? Thanks b :)

END POST~1.08am

My final GLM assignment is due today. I'm still typing it out. ssince he didnt impose a dateline, I am assuming I should submit it by 5pm today.

Things are finally slowing down and Im loving every bit of it. Im getting the hang of my thesis stuff so I dont have to devote that much attention to it. It's almost become auto-pilot- like. Then there's the module load. I dont have anything due next week and the only thing left before the exams is the final evo quiz.

Then its off and away to the exam hall. Then off and away once again. This time, I'll be holing myself up in dec so I can finish half of my thesis write up before Jan.

:)

END POST~2.24pm