That's it. I am going to clear out half my wardrobe tomorrow. I'm running out of space and folding clothes I dont wear instead of hanging them on the rack is not working anymore because the bottom shelf is sinking.


I went shopping today with the sis because she has a couple of weddings to attend so she wanted to get herself some dresses. I tagged along and before I knew it, I bought myself 2 tops. On top of the stuff I bought from bkk. Which is the reason Im motivated to clear away clothes too ugly, too used and too small (I'm a horder. I keep thinking I can fit into them again. But now, if I ever drop to that size again, I'll reward myself with new clothes).

In other news, my dad brought home a typewriter. He claims it'd be worth something one day. Who knows? People are into vintage things these days aren't they :)

Here's some pictures of what it looks like:

Just take a look at how chunky that thing is!

This is how it looks like without the cover. Check out the ribbon and keys.This is my hand, typing. Notice how the metal thingy hits the black ribbon and imprints the letter onto the paper. There's actually a lever on the bottom left which enables the ribbon to move up or down so as to change color from black to red and vice versa. Believe me, while the clunking sound is rather satisfying to hear as each letter is typed, it is extremely tiring. The keys have to be deeply pressed for the imprint to be clear.

Hurrah for computers!

Anyway, I realise that my brain might actually turn into mush without mental stimulation so I've borrowed (although he prefers the word 'stolen') a rubik's cube from my brother and I'm going to attempt to complete it by the time I start work. I'm also thinking of borrowing a few books from the library. Any suggestions?

END POST~11.16pm

I dont even know how Ive managed to pass my saturday by so quickly doing nothing. Ive been feeling like a slob the whole day. My body feels so sore and heavy. Im not sure if its because Im tired and so I need to rest more, or if its because I've been lying down too much. Either way, I hope to snap out of this soon. I wouldnt want to spend the next month this way.

I need to start running and soon. It's 21 days to the run. Need. To. Get. Moving.

END POST~8.58pm

I love it when hot afternoons mellow down to warm evenings :) The sky is really pretty right now. Ahh...it's good to be home. I touched down early this morning, unpacked, and sighed because I missed the hotel's toilet. But now, it just feels so lovely to be home. Lying on my bed, staring at the sky and just typing away on my laptop, enjoying the gentle breeze. Home sweet home!

The bangkok trip was enjoyable. I wrote my experienced in my travel diary so I shan't be typing it here. One thing's for sure, I'm definitely going back :)

PS: I signed it today!

END POST~6.44pm

Undergraduate no more! :)

Alhamdulillah, I survived 16 years of formal education!

And..........ALHAMDULILLAH! I am now employed!

Oh, what a sweet end to a long and memorable journey.
Simply surreal indeed :)

END POST~2.15am

I think there is no worse feeling on the face of the earth than to see my mother cry.

She got bullied by one of her customers. She didnt do anything wrong but the man was so unreasonable that he had to scream at her in front of others. Even the other customers were appalled. Scream at an elderly woman? Scream at my mother? For those of you who know my mom, she is the sweetest and most innocent person ever.

I cant help but want to cry too.

The saying that "the customer is always right" or "the customer is king" should be scrapped.

END POST~7.03pm

Oh my gosh.

I can't get away from research after all, can I?

I was reading for Fridays' exam and I thought of a research paradigm for my masters, if I ever do one. I even came up with an outline in 5 minutes. An OUTLINE!

And I'm getting excited about this. HAHA. This is so bizarre.

END POST~4.21pm

Looking at the photos posted by my peers on facebook, I feel a tinge of regret for not bringing my camera and snapping away my last week of school. Back in sec sch, jc, heck, even primary school, I would enthusiastically document my 'last days'. But not this time. I think it has something to do with the fact that I hate taking photos now. For one, miserable, shallow reason.

IM FAT.

It's depressing. I was looking back at my pictures from 3 years back and I looked so different. Even Najib was shocked.

Ageing sucks. Metabolism decreases and double the amount of effort needs to be put in to burn calories. I've lost 3 kg since last year. THREE? Despite the efforts of almost daily running (except for thesis month).

I just want to fit into my size M again. Why must it be so difficult. And as much as I love to shop, I cant help but feel miserable time and time again when I cant fit into the clothes I like. It's not easy shopping anymore. I used to look at designs, pick it out and try for size. Now I look at sizes available first before anything else. In fact, I've acquired the skill of looking at a shop from outside and knowing whether they have my size or not.

Doesnt help that salespersons can be rather insensitive too.

If I could go back in time, to 3-4 years ago, I'd tell myself: Dont listen to others. You are NOT fat. Go enjoy yourself and stop wallowing in self-pity. Look at me know? I wallow then, I wallow even more now. So stop listening to brother. For goodness sake, he calls supermodels fat. Guys like these should be punched. Maybe I will do that. The heck. If I did not love food too much and if I did not hate puking, I'd probably be anorexic or bullimic by now.

Depressing.

END POST~11.17am

Who says facebook isnt educational? Ive never heard of 'defenestrated' till the superpoke thing. Even then, I imagined the word to mean something like 'fumigating'. Probably cos 'nest' is embedded in the word. So I assume it means some massive bug killing. Heh, now I know what it means! It means throwing someone out the window! :)

Hm. Why would people want to do that to me? Ah well.

Im really glad this last exam is only 40%. Goodness, what a relief, knowing that ive covered more than half the module over the semester. I am seriously in no mood to mug. I came up with a nice schedule yesterday and I dont really have much time to cover everything. But I am so blah already. Doesnt help to know that some people are done already. Argh.

In exactly one week, I'll be off and away!

And I have plans after the exams. I told my sis abt how empty I'd feel after the last paper and she said she'll hang out with me :) Yay.

Then sat and sun, I'll probably spend time at home with the family. And pack. Then mon-fri morn I'll be away w cheryl and mel. Our first vacation together! Then when I come back, Im gonna start calling people up to go out with me. Im going to exercise everyday too. That's right, everyday. Im going to watch movie after movie. And read book after book.

And oh, perhaps find a job in between. Or maybe I should just enjoy myself till my savings deplete.

Worse case scenarios in no particular order

1: be a research assistant at nus
2: apply for imh or moe research assistant

3: starbucks

4: tuition

5: apply for grad school by first taking the GREs.

Either way, Im sure I'll be able to find something to do :) I'm quite glad my folks are taking it easy that I may potentially be unemployed. Ive been worried and fretting and my mom said "What are you so worried about? You dont have anything to pay what".

True and not so true. I'll technically still have to pay my tuition fees what. Alhamdulillah, I wont have to owe nasty banks but I'll still owe my family money. And I quote my mom "Money is money. Family is family". Bottomline, you owe money, no matter who, you better pay.

So Im sure when she said "What are you worried abt...". I'm sure what she meant is, "you're lucky others can help you settle the bank first so you dont have interests to bother about".

But I still owe money. And I dont like that feeling. So I'll probably get some crappy job to pay it off. Besides, crappy job can be considered 'work experience' right?

Ok la :) Life will still go on. The sky is blue and the sun will shine everyday. Im sure I'll make the best out of life.

Still, Insha-Allah, I'll get that call from them soon :)

END POST~11.57am

I've been listening to malay/indonesian songs the past couple of days. No idea why but I think I'm getting used to them :) Some of them are quite nice.

Currently listening to agnes monica. I already liked one of her old songs cos it was the soundtrack for some indo soap opera my mom watched. She was only 15 when she recorded the song. She's prob 22 now and she's now star-ing in a new sinetron (new cos its only just shown in spore) called "kawin muda", which is a light hearted dramedy about this high school kid who was matched made when she was young to a guy a few years older. The whole series (im not sure, i watched 5 episodes and jumped to the conclusion cos heh, impatient la) is about how they got married but are concealing it from their school mates, how they detest each other, etc. Quite funny. In the end, they fall in love with each other :) Great acting and really light hearted. I picked up bahasa too! So karina, you should check it out on youtube. So from that show, I was introduced to her new song and its super ear-worm material. And i saw her 'mtv'. Totally different from her sweet character on the series la. But still, catchy catchy.

Ok, back to work.

END POST~1.48pm

One week to my next and FINAL final paper as an undergraduate. As much as I want to get it done with (and done well, I must add), I don't have anything special planned following the paper so I reckon that its going to be a bit anti-climatic. Emptiness would surely ensue, as the lull I felt after Wed's paper.

A great mist lie before me. The predictable safety of academia shall be no more. No more next semester. No more next academic year. Just one big cloud ahead.

Besides the vacation, the 10k run and Najib's return, I don't really know what lies ahead. And I'm the type of person who needs to see what's coming so I can plan. I need to have a sense of purpose. I need direction. Come next Friday, I may possibly be in a state of limbo.

So I'm anxiously waiting for a call from them. I cant sleep. In my dreams I keep thinking about it. I need to let go but Im really scared of another "After careful consideration....We wish you success..". I keep checking my phone. My email. God, help me let go. If its meant to be, its meant to be.

In other news, I spent yesterday watching two movies. The first was Perfume:The story of a murderer. I give it 5 out of 5. The story is about a man, born with the gift of a superior olfactory. He is able to detect even the tiniest variation in scents. Born in, presumably 16th century paris, filthy and overpopulated, he was abandoned after birth in a dump of a fish market, and left to die. Yet, the infant Jean-Paul fought and survived, and took his first breath of putrid air. The narrator then documents his life in an orphanage where his ability unnerved the other children and so he was left alone to explore the scents around him. After being sold to work in a tannery, he was exposed to the city once again while making a delivery, and there, he selfishly took in all the scents he could possibly. Finally, he, after quite a bit of drama, entered the realm of perfumery.
The character Jean-paul hardly talks. The actor gave such a brilliant performance. His eyes. The expression in his eyes. The zeal, the obsession. Essentially, the movie charts Jean-Paul's desire to capture the sublime beauty of women and create the ultimate perfume. I do not think I have done justice reviewing this movie so I strongly urge everyone to watch it. It may sound boring at first, but rest assured, you will be pulled into this murder/mystery/thriller. On the one hand, I was rooting for Jean-Paul because his ambition really did stem from innocence, yet his actions are wrong. But I rooted for him anyway. The ending was very very surprising and satisfying. From my understanding, the movie is of german-english production so do not expect the pace of the movie to be like that of the typical hollywood ones. And the narrator was fantastic. Somber, purposeful and captivating.

The second movie I watched was a lighter one. After the first, I needed something to laugh at so I watched Over her dead body. It's quite enjoyable, especially since Paul rudd's acting in it. He has such charm about him. The movie's about how Eva longoria refuses to let go of her ex-fiance even though she's dead and is a ghost. So it's a predictable movie. How she's dead and he's grieving. How his sister comes in to help him move on and perhaps find love. How the dead fiancee refuses to let him date this psychic who can, incidentally, see her. So there's the hilarious schemes she cooks up to foil their blossoming romance. The bedroom scene is hilarious. Then how he finds out the psychic is lying bla bla bla. So they break up. But he's not happy. Then the ghost felt bad seeing him miserable so she winds up letting go of him and somehow the couple gets back together. The end. But its funny la. So go and watch.

Well, I think I'm done with today's post. I suppose I should plan out my study schedule for the psychophysio exam. One whole week to study for this. I have never had that much time to study for a paper. So i'm not going to blow my chances of acing this!

END POST~10.24am

Oh why doesn't spore sell side-kick phones?

Ive been wanting one of those phones since I saw people tv (esp claire-heroes) using it. Super cool la. I want. But it can only be found in the states, uk and possibly aussie.

Aussie. I know someone over there!

But will it be able to function with the spore networks?

Why isnt that phone available here? It'll definitely have a market here for sure.

I just love the way the phone screen slides up to reveal a key-board :)

http://www.hiptop.com/danger101/danger+powered+products

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZ4fzmsHvMI&NR=1 (check out the cool swivel up screen)

I WANT!

END POST~9.34am

On the plus side, I have managed to wean myself off unhealthy waking hours. Still, why on earth cant i concentrate on my revision?

Oh, I've tried and I've tried but I get easily distracted. By food. By youtube. By other blogs. By reading the news. Goodness! I had 2 weeks to study and now Im down to 3 days before my first paper. I am starting to panic!

Come on farah! Last set of hurdles to clear! Go Go Gooooo!

END POST~9.35am

Bloody incompetent lor. First few words that came to mind as I read the report. Are they stupid or stupid? What kind of jail has toilets looking like the kind found in secondary schools?

If it were me, everyone, top-down, should be sacked. Not punished, not reshuffled but SACKED. That way, incompetent people are removed. And fresh people can come in. I know a whole lot of people who need jobs can?

So angry la. Nonsense really.



END POST~7.39pm

"Play that funky music bla blaaaa...."

Song stuck in my head! Out of the blue some more! Yesterday it was mariah carey's new songs la. Now this!

Anyway, sipping my peppermint tea because I learnt in class that peppermint is a mental stimulant :)

I need to confess something too. I have been having cravings for junk and fast food over the past week. And I've acted on them! (hide under pillow). Its true! Chips, tim tam and so on. I sealed the deal with TWO CONSECUTIVE days of kfc. I know!

But but but, at least I ended the week witha 4.4k run. Considering I havent run in a month, I think I did alright :)

Ok, another confession. I signed myself and my sis up for a 10km run that'll happen in june. Haha..i guess in all that stress last month, I needed an outlet, something to work towards as well..so I signed us up, much to her (my sis) dismay.

So now she wants to train thrice a week! Haha..we'll see.

Goodness! I just received an sms! A friend just asked me out to kfc! Oh o.

END POST~10.30am

I am feeling extremely uneasy. I received a mail abt the organ donation thing. Previously, I was exempted. But recently, there has been a change in the ruling. How come the change? Pardon my scepticism but why is it when they want something, that something somehow manages to transcend all boundaries and hence becomes acceptable?

Why now? Why wasnt it implemented from the beginning?

I'm confused! I have till aug to decide. And I dont want to think of such things :(

It's morbid.

END POST~4.53pm

I was googling for inspirational stuff and I found this on someone's blog. Its so beautifully said! I'm going to attempt to translate it as best as I can :)

"Bila Allah cepat makbulkan Doamu, Maka DIA Menyayangimu, Bila DIA Lambat Makbulkan doamu, Maka DIA Ingin Mengujimu, Bila DIA Tidak Makbulkan Doamu, Maka Dia Merancang Sesuatu Yang lEbih Baik Untukmu. Oleh itu, Sentiasalah Bersangka Baik Pada ALLAH Dalam Apa Jua Keadaan Pun...Kerana Kasih sayang ALLAH Itu Mendahului KemurkaanNya"

When Allah answers your doa (prayer) quickly, it means HE loves you. When HE answers it later, it means HE intends to test you, when HE does not grant you what you asked for, it mean HE has better plans for you. As such, always think the best of Allah in any circumstance..Because Allah's love surpasses His ??. (oh dear..I dont quite know how to translate this word)

"Sesungguhnya jika Allah mencintai seorg hamba maka Dia tenggelamkan hamba itu dalam cubaan. Barangsiapa yang tidak pernah mengalami musibah maka ia jauh daripada kasih sayangNya..."

When Allah loves HIS servants, HE throws at them challenges. Should anyone not ever face challenges, it means that he is far from Allah's love.

Ok, my translation does not do justice to extracts. The malay language can be so beautiful :)

END POST~11.32pm

Rejection. No matter how many times it comes flying into your face, you'll never be able to be numbed by it. Perhaps numb at first, but then it'll hurt. A whole lot. Especially when you set your heart on that one thing. And everyone else ard you has their hopes appended to yours.

I will not shed a tear. No. I'm going to swallow this lump. Because Im not destined for this. Another one will come along, Insha-Allah. God knows best.

So as much as the pain is getting stronger as minutes go by, I will exhale it. I'm blessed to be given the opportunity to get that far. To make it to the final cut. I prayed for that opportunity and I got it. I gave it my best, I honestly gave it my all. So, Alhamdulillah for that.

And that's that.

That's that.

Breathe.

That's that.

Moving on.

END POST~9.26pm

Last lesson was alright. I know Im going to sound awful, but I didnt really learn much today. Maybe its a sign that the time is right for me to leave school :) I sat alone during my final lect at nus. After the lesson ended, she wished us the best, then people started whipping out their camera. But I left class.

I wanted to pray in school for the last time. So I took my wudhu and made my way to the prayer area at as6. I prayed. And after that, I just sat down and let my mind wander. 4 years. Gosh 4 whole years. I had flashbacks. Me wearing a yellow t-shirt, denim skirt and sports shoe (I know. What was I thinking. Fresh out of jc la). How I first prayed around the same area. Back then, the prayer area was at the lift lobby outside the social work dept. How I learnt my grandma passed away in year 2 while I was having lect at lt14. How I prayed in between classes during the fasting month. How when my darling came, we were both fasting, we went separate ways to pray maghrib first before meeting up to break fast together. How I'd pray for this. For that.
How I'd meet other muslim girls I wouldnt have met if not for this area. How we chatted for a while and then very seldomly meet again.

And then I looked around. What a beautiful place to pray. Because its by the window. The huge window by the stairs which overlooks the old law lib and biz faculty, where you can see the sea and ships and the clear sky. After reminisicing, I left the area and I dont know why, I looked back at the area and I said Alhamdulillah, and I walked away. I guess I meant it to be for everything. For the 4 years. For the good, for the bad, everything. Then I found myself smiling. The mass of trees that were burnt and brown 2 years ago have all gone green again. Renewed.

I'm getting all philo. With that, I met up with a couple of people and then I left :)

Went to the bus stop and there I saw 4 psych lecturers, one of them, my sup. At first I was like "oh noo" because I didnt want to make small talk because a part of me had fear conditioned. So I hid myself. But eventually I managed to pluck up the courage to board the same bus as him. And I even waved to him as I made my way to my seat. How ridiculous! I chuckled to myself. Out here, he is just another person. No power. No status. Nothing. Just another human being heading home from work.

Ive conquered my ridiculous fear. What a feeling! :)

I am an adult now!

Giggles. Adult. Hehehe.

END POST~10.02pm

I have utmost respect for all caregivers out there. I had a brief encounter as a caregiver this morning. My grandma was due for her blood test and check up at the hospital. Everyone else was working. Usually dad would bring her. But today, after convincing her that I can take her (she proudly insisted she could go herself, when seriously, she cant la), we set off.

Gosh. When she had to get her blood taken, I almost cried. She was in pain. And the nurses kept poking her because she had too little blood to fill even one tube. She started wincing and I couldnt take it. Thank goodness they managed to get half a tube. They were supposed to collect 2 full tubes. But she really couldnt give that much. So Im glad the nurses agreed with me to work on what they have.

So we hobbled over to get her some breakfast cos she had to fast overnight for the test. Hobbled. I guess Im so used to walking quickly. Patience.

More waiting. Waited an hr for the check up. In the room, she was 'negotiating' with the doc as to how frequent she had to come down for tests. 6 weeks. They settled on that. He wanted a scope to be done. She was on the verge of screaming. She doesnt want a tube stuck down her throat. He looked at me. Im not used to making these kinds of decisions. So I asked him, is it very necessary and urgent. He seemed annoyed. He said no. Then I said, we'll discuss this at home. She doesnt want it now. If she decides otherwise, we'll set it up.

Waiting room. Cashier.

Pharmacy. Wait. Collect medicine. 13 different kinds of pills. With all sorts of instructions. Wait. Pay. I love medisave.

Tired. I am super tired. But its my last lesson in nus forever perhaps.

3.5 hrs at the hosp is draining. I have to leave home in 10 minutes.

I'm sleepy. I'm tired. But I will go on.

Patience. Discipline. Filial piety. Fortitude.

Learnt all of these in my last day of school.

END POST~2.19pm

Its settled!!!!!!!!!

We're confirmed going for a holiday together. I can hardly believe it. After all that research, mel had to click on one website and ta-da! Flight + Hotel settled just like that. What's more its the very hotel we were eyeing from the beginning but which was super expensive. I love love love zuji! What a steal :)

Now I'm definitely going to mug all the way for exams cos 3 days after my last paper, I'll be off and away for a spa holiday!

Insha-Allah, it will be a safe, fun and rejuvenating trip!

END POST~9.15pm

Okay. Maybe I have a sick, disturbing fascination with wound healing. Heh, some readers are grossed out by my heel picture and have asked me to remove it or at least to create new posts so they wouldnt have to see that image upon clicking my blog.

I had planned to put up a 'one week later' pic here but to ensure people dont end up puking or grimacing (I dont understand why), I have placed it in the same post as the earlier one.

So curious people can scroll down and check it out! I think its heeling (hehehe) nicely!

END POST~11.09am

Money money money mo-ney...MONEY! (theme from the apprentice)

Yay!! I love love love being over 21 because that means, from time to time, i'd get mail saying that $xxx of money would be automatically credited to my account.

Been planning our bkk trip. It's quite fun to plan but now im having a headache. I think its the weather. So hot. Then rain.

END POST~5.48pm

Ahhhhhhhh...........

What a blissful weekend. No pending assignments. No morning anxiety attacks. Life is so beautiful.

Went shopping on both days with my darling sister, who kindly sponsored whatever I picked, as part of my belated birthday present.

:) :) :)

I am recharged, people. Recharged, refreshed, rejuvenated.

Exams? Pfft! Bring them on! I am so going to enjoy my last week of school.

Ahh..

END POST~9.32am

One week later (above) Heeling nicely, dont you think?

Let this be a photo reminder to myself. Bite the shoe before the shoe bites you!

I dont get it! Why aren't these movies out yet?
1) Definitely, maybe
2) The other boleyn girl

Their ad prints appear in the newspaper and reviews for both movies are out a long long time ago so why arent they showing them on the big screen already?

Anyway, yesterday, I had some semblance of a celebratory lunch/dinner/drink w pema. After lunch, I desperately wanted to leave school and engage in mindless shopping (window) and movie watching. Obviously, we couldnt catch both movies..so we went to vivo and *attempted* to shop, only to wind up at starbucks :)

P was really sweet, listening to me ramble about certain interviews I went to and how I really really want this job in particular..

Speaking of interviews, I had to buy myself pumps. I have the following conclusion to make.
Im a big bodoh when it comes to buying shoes because they all end up tearing my skin up and leaving my raw flesh exposed to the world. Im in pain, people! Thank goodness i heeded my sister's advice to bring an extra pair in case. Even so, that pair couldnt safe me from the intense pain. Lucky for me, the bazaar beng selling slippers and t-shirts had his booth still in the forum (does he ever leave). So I got myself flip flops for 5 bucks! :) My feet were happy the whole day after that.

Which explains why the vivo trip happened :)

Was absolutely zonked by the time I got home cos Ive been having really really weird sleeping hours but but but, it was my baby's birthday so I webcammed with him a little and I felt mighty happier. What a nice way to end the day, eh? We're only 2 hours away and I feel closer to you :)

Happy birthday again b :)

END POST~10.20am

Happy 23rd Birthday baby!

Alhamdulillah for you :) Insha-Allah, you will have a wonderful life ahead of you and May Allah bless you!

END POST~11.07pm

I wish I had witty opening statements to make but I dont. In fact, Ive logged onto blogger countless times but I end up logging out because I just didnt feel like completing any sentence..

Eventually I would and I'd like to simply jump into talking about other things but, the thing is, I cant. How can I avoid mentioning it because it is was still is a big part of my academic life?

I handed it in late, folks. 40 mins late. But I handed it in nevertheless. I wasnt feeling the emotions I dreamt I would. That sense of accomplishment..the so called 'deliverance'..I did not get to experience that. Instead, I felt nothing and everything but not what I had been longing for.

I felt disappointment, anger, frustration at myself because I was unable to realise the image I had in my head. But I did feel, that given the circumstances, I did the best that I could possibly manage. Still, when I re-read what I submitted and thought of all the things I could have put into it..it saddens me.

Particularly because that thing is supposed to embody all that I have learnt in the past 4 years. It was supposed to mark an achievement..a milestone. I've worked so hard from the beginning, only to falter at the end. What's worse, markers/readers wont appreciate the effort that went into it. All they will see is what I submitted-which isnt a true reflection of what went into it.

But its over. And through the entire process, I have learnt a lot. I know, i know, this is the 'loser talk' but well, its true. I have really learnt a lot abt myself. And I have to say, I have more faith in God than ever before. Because I highly doubt that I would have had the strength to complete it at all had it not been for Him. Well, it might not be a fantastic piece of work, but its done, you know? I think I finally know what its like to hit rock bottom. But to rise above that because of faith.

So that's that. Alhamdulillah. I pray, that when I look back on in life, I will be happy with whats happened. Everything happens for a reason. As much as I want to sound gloomy and all, there must be a reason, beyond me, beyond you, there must be a reason why the sequence of events leading up to the thesis submission happened.

And that drives me...that reminds me that I should really just leave it to Allah. Because He has plans for me and in some ways, Im quite excited to find out what :)

Insha-Allah, I will have a bright future ahead of me. I have been so blessed by what I have now..and even if things dont turn out the way I wish it to, I think I'll be alright..as long as I submit myself to Him.

:)

END POST~10.06pm

I've been so afraid of coming off as dumb or as having not thought through my thesis enough but you know what?

I dont care. This is MY thesis. This is MY final lap. I WILL enjoy writing this.

I WILL HAVE FUN! Because this labour of love is finally going to happen.

Even if it comes out wrong, even if it doesnt make sense to others, it is MY baby, and Im going to make sure as much as I can that it comes out right. I will leave the rest to Allah because He is the only one who can determine my fate.

In short, good or bad, I will love it no matter what happens.

END POST~1.37pm

I'm blessed to have such a supportive studying environment at home. Academia is definitely in our veins!

While i've been moping these past few days, I realise that my brothers and sister are facing similar stresses.

My sis and bro will be taking the same post-grad exam on the 8th of april so they've been up studying and its super encouraging. My eldest bro on the other hand is working hard on his dissertation. I love my family! Its like a library here at night! And its really interesting to see how study modes among us differ. Sister would sleep early yet somehow she'll always cover what she seeks to. I suspect she's the most efficient one among the 4 of us. Brother 2 doesnt sleep. He's a night owl and in some way, I take after him because brother 1 is like sister. He wakes up early and sleeps early. And its nice to see others awake and reading in the dead of the night because it fuels you, you know. Just keep on going...

And when i need help with my thesis, i have so many people to approach. Sister can explain the gynae stuff while brother 2 can explain the cardio stuff (ok la. Maybe im stereotyping my own siblings cos theyre both good at everything) and brother 1 is super experienced with the whole writing thing. I mean he's written a thesis, and published a paper is some journal for his masters..and he's writing another one now...

I love my mugger-ish family.

They really are my inspiration. If they can juggle work and study, why cant I handle study?

Alhamdulillah, my parents instilled in us a sense of passion for knowledge.

END POST~11.49am

First and foremost, thank you so much to everyone for the messages I received today. I am completely overwhelmed and feel so blessed to have people giving me such support and encouragement. And for remembering today, even though I wasnt in the mood for celebrations at all. I've never had so many people wish me before and though it may seem to be nothing much on your part, it really meant a great deal to me, especially at this time in my life.

Thank you so much for reminding me that even in the darkest hour, I am really not alone.

Thank you for making me smile again. For making feel loved.

I started off today tearing at the littlest things and feeling woeful. But now...Im tearing because Im so happy..I am truly blessed! Alhamdulillah :)

It all started at midnight when my Najib sang me a birthday song over the webcam..and I opened the letter he sent me weeks ago (instructions read: Do not open till 25th march)..I was and still am so touched...I love you so much, baby. I felt so much better...

After nudgie went offline, I analysed data some more but I forced myself to sleep at 2am so I could get up at 6am to continue. But I found myself sleeping in till 7.30. Instead of rushing to school, I sat myself down in front of my laptop and continued from where I left off. No way was I going to meet my sup without being prepared. So I took a cab to sch and for some reason, I just couldnt stop crying...

Met the sup, and well, that's another story. Bottom line is: Farah really has a lot to accomplish by this Fri..

Went on to do some graphing before heading for lesson...and then lunch.

After lunch, everything went uphill again. For some reason, seeing Pema made me happy. Seeing her always makes me happy. Im not quite sure why. My appetite which had been absent for days returned! And :), she volunteered to be my servant for the day by zapping a whole load of materials from the lib.

Meanwhile, the sms-es came flooding in. My mom, my dad, and so many more and more and more and more. And when I bump into people, they know! Close friends, aquintances, old friends, new friends...How come? Then I realise....its cos of facebook!! Haha :)

Headed home with yx after the stop at the lib. My mom gave me a hug/kiss as soon as I stepped in. I love my family. Everyone was happy and that made me happy. I'm so blessed. Then my dad started a little doa and there was a lump in my throat...I love my life so much...

Then farhana came over and brought me a cake :) Had a nice chat with her and she was super encouraging :)

And now im online w my nudgie :) I'm going to talk to him because I havent had the time to the whole day today...

And then its back to work for me...

Insha-Allah, I will get things done by the dateline.

END POST~10.55pm

I think I know why people have suicidal ideation.

Its because of people like him who makes people just wanna give up on everything and die. .

Jump off a roof. Jump in front of a train. Sleep and never wake up. Roll over a window sill.
Because you certainly know how to make people feel worthless and small dont you? Making people end it because theyre never good enough.

That they feel so trapped. That they have nowhere to go.

Im beginning to think he truly is the devil's spawn.

Because no other person in the world has ever made me feel so miserable with just a few words.

I have to keep telling myself that I'll look back on in life and roll my eyes.

But for now...there's so much uncertainty ahead you know? That its all out there. That if I dont cease every opportunity....

Oh God, I need divine intervention. Please grant me strength to go on. Please shut off all these horrible emotions. I dont want to live my days like this.
And it breaks my heart that my family has to see me like this. Because they feel my pain and I dont want them to feel it anymore.

I honestly dont care how I do anymore. I just want to finish it the best that I can without him bugging me like that. Making me feel worthless.

Please help me take things in stride. Help me see that theres more to life than this. Because there is. Please take me out of this tunnel-vision.

I cant take this anymore.

END POST~6.23pm

DIE STUPID MAN DIE!

The last thing I need from my anal sup is his anal prima donna behaviour la. I'm so bloody tempted into submitting my thesis without him even reading it la. I mean he's freaking cramping my style. All he's adding now is stress.

SCREW you for the 'supportive' email you donkey shit. My entire academic career hinges on this and you dare throw your tantrum?

Can you believe he insist on not checking his email over the weekend?

Even though his students need him?

END POST~11.28am

Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know...?

Do you get what you're hoping for
When you look behind you
There's no open door
What are you hoping for?
Do you know...?

-Theme from Mahogany.

END POST~2.57pm

As soon as I clicked "publish post" I started crying.

It sucks that I feel alone. True, everyone else is going through the same thing yet I feel so alone in this. That even though people give me statements of support and stuff..I still feel alone.

And he's trying to make me feel better from where he is..but I cant help wishing he was here. Right now. And that's making me cry even more.

I'm feeling downright miserable and I hope blogging helps. In some weird, unverified way.

I need a hug.

END POST~11.56am

I am having a bad bad start to sunday.

I hate it when there's no breakfast. My body went into starvation mode when Im sleeping so the least I can do is to feed it some food to kick start the day. Went to kitchen----open fridge---saw milk---no cereal. NO CEREAL! What happened to the TWO boxes mom bought a couple of days ago? Left with bread. Letfover bread. With what? Peanut butter. Urgh. Then my mom said...eat cake or eat ice-cream la. Thats when I couldnt take it.
YOU ALL CALL ME FAT THEN YOU FEED ME FAT FOOD.

Then dad keeps cooking fat food. Curry curry curry curry curry keema curry beryani..and again and again.

I sound so bloody ungrateful right? At least theres food at home..I know. And if I truly was hungry, I'd have eaten anything w/o complaining. But Im also trying so hard to start my day healthy and it bugs me that I dont have the support at home. So the rest of them have high metabolic rates and can afford to eat junk breakfast or skip it. NOT ME.

Ok, this angsty post is coming from somewhere.

You know where? Because I WASTED THE WHOLE OF SAT outside. Dyed my hair (WHICH IS DISASTROUS, BY THE WAY).

Tried shopping for formal pants (BUT I CANT FIT INTO THE LARGEST SIZE AT ALL)

Went home and wanted to do work to end the day productive. HAD HEADACHE FROM THE STUPID HAIRDYE SMELL OR SMT.

Went to sleep so darn early at 10.30pm and told myself I'd wake up at 6.30/7 to start work.
WOKE UP AT 10.30.

And to top it off, im having my freaking period which is freaking irritating cos its causing me cramps and backflow. URGHHHHHHH! I HATE BACKFLOW.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe...

Things will get better.Things will get better...

NOT WHEN MY THESIS DRAFT IS DUE THIS FRIDAY AND I HAVE NOTHING TYPED!

I think. I. Am. On. The. Brink. Of. A. Panic. Attack.

END POST~11.42am

Ive been feeling lethargic lately. It started yesterday but I dismissed it as 'aftershock' from the days before when I slept irregularly. So yesterday, I slept in. Wait a sec. I dont remember what happened yesterday. Oh my goodness. What was I doing yesterday? It was wed...I was....OH! Okay. Yeah, so I slept in because I felt I deserved it. But that didnt seem to alleviate the drowsiness. So I did as much as I could to ensure Wed didnt go to waste by completing the P&C quiz and a bit of the project. I hoped today would be different.

Yet, the same thing happened. I was supposed to head to school early to print stuff and all but I just couldnt get up. And even now, my body is feeling so tired. I slept enough. I ate enough. I exercised. Why am I feeling like this? Could it be PMS? Is lethargy and a tad of nausea at night part of it?

Other than these symptoms, I feel fine. Could it be that Im weaning myself off caffeine? Hmm. Cos Ive been downing and average of 2.5 cups of tea from mid last week till mon. Perhaps.

Either way, I pray that my body can snap out of this soon..

I have something big planned for my birthday. It is my gift to myself :)

And Insha-Allah, it will materialise.

END POST~9.57pm

Im halfway through my thesis.

No, Im just kidding. Oh what a cruel joke to play on myself.

Im barely started la! But all that will change in the next couple of days as thesis becomes priority number 1. No more nasty little midterm tests/assignment to deal with. Well, except for just 2 stuff but its for my breadth so worse come to worse, S/U!

:)

In order ascending order of dateline:

1) P&C quiz---20%
(take home quiz! So cool right? MCQ some more. But super tricky la)
2) THESIS--------- 300%
3) P&C project------20%
4) Exams
5) Freedom!

Although I suspect 1) is 10 % and 3) is 30%. Ah well!

END POST~1.23pm

NYEH!

(What every yr 4 looks like now)

My patience has been pushed to the limit. I think I'm being tested.

First a wedding downstairs. 6 hours of loud, obnoxious, nauseating music (that my grandma really puked at 3am later). It was unrelentless. Why cant they be considerate enough to at least put a bloody notice at the lift lobby or smt to warn people abt the 'festivities'. Ok la. Granted, it is a happy occassion that they'd wanna share to the whole wide world. But think abt all the angsty, limited-for-time students who have massive amounts of work to cram for. And for old ladies who cannot take the non-stop pulsating music. Ya, we saw you preparing the tables and stuff...but AT LEAST PUT UP A NOTICE and tell us from what time to what time our lives would be disrupted so we wont feel so helpless and foolishly anticipate that it'd be over in a few hours only. 6 hours is too much man.

I dont think I want to hold mine at the void deck. Even if I do, it'll be peaceful, relaxing music mostly. Anyway...

Then today. Dah lah I slept at 3 plus am and woke up at 7am then back to sleep...and woke up at 10am knowing that a whole load of work awaits me. Fine. BUT that i had to be RUDELY awaken by DRILLING. Thats going on even now. WHAT THE? Why cant they PUT UP A NOTICE? Oh my gosh. So at least we wont be jolted la. Why must they (i cant even ascertain which level they come from) put up a notice saying "Hello, Im XX from the X floor. I would like to notify you bla bla bla...As such, I apologise for any inconvenience caused..Feel free to pop by after the works are over and see how much money we've put in to make your lives miserable for a few hours-But at least we've warned you so you can put in your ear plugs at the appropriate time", or smt like that la.

SIGH. Thank goodness I have earplugs. The orange 3M ones.

GRIT TEETH AND STUDY farah...it'll be over soon....

END POST~10.27am

I think it's pretty much official that the void deck of the block opposite mine is a watering hole for a bunch of drunk, tone deaf people.

Its been 3 weeks in a row that they just sit at the stone tables, drink and make noise on sat/sun.

But quite entertaining la. Cos sometimes I just laugh at their nonsense.

Im almost done with psych assessment. Alhamdulillah! Like finally! How many posts have I talked abt it? So yay! All that's left is to cut down 55 words. And if I really cant, I'll just let it be. I mean she cant possibly be so particular right? Its just 55 words! Come on..show some mercy..

Psychophysio. Where do I start? I was thinking of driving down to sch tmr to check out the anatomy books but then I realise that itd be so ridiculous. How different can that anatomy book be different from the ones I have at home? Besides, the super-majorly important diagrams are probably scanned into the lecture notes, right? Hmm. See how..

Insha-Allah I'll do well for both the report and the test ahead!

END POST~9.18pm

This baby girl is such a darling :)

She's only 17 months and she can read! As in read words randomly shown to her, which is extremely incredible!

http://video.msn.com/?mkt=en-us&vid=400a8dd5-902a-4d71-882c-7da7b8b7cc1f&playlist=videoByUuids:uuids:c044d322-a4f6-4a38-925a-12d01ef81fb8%2C33eaf98e-57f9-4ece-a7a6-eeadf1f18bcc%2C2225f56a-2069-4a77-b75d-b82504dea5f6&from=MSNHP&tab=m17&GT1=28114

Aside: I will finish the darn psych ass report by today! Must must must!

END POST~12.11pm

Haiyo....I'm so sick of typing my psych ass report. I was supposed to complete the darn thing on wed. Then I decided to complete it on thurs. And now it's Fri morn and Im still type type typing.
At first I thought to myself, how on earth I can possibly come up with 1500 words for this assignment. Haiyo. Now Ive broken past the 1000 word marker and Im still left with another 3 sections! Which means I have to go back and painfully cut out bits from the earlier sections.

Boo.

I just want to get this done. I havent even started on psychophysio!

HELP!

END POST~11.09am

Alhamdulillah, I just got a call to inform me I've made it to the final stage of selection for this job.

I was really happy considering I thought I didnt do well in the first 2 rounds...

But I dont know why. A part of me is feeling really heavy. I mean, granted, making it to the next round is really really good since the selection is super rigorous la! But suddenly, everything seems to be moving so quickly.

And not a word from any of the organisations to which I had applied for a psych position.
And that depresses me a little. And as I type this, there's a lump in my throat. And I keep hearing the voice of a certain peer who says that the first job should be a psych job, and from another that a first job should carry a good title.

Or this. Or that. Nye nye nye. People's comments affect me more than I thought. Worse, if I get a non-psych job, people will ask me what happened to my plans. People will ask how come youre not pursuing psych. Bla. Bla. Bla. Bla. Bla.

And then I worry. If I dont get a psych job this year, if I wait till 3-4 years later, by then, due to the sheer fact that the number of psych undergraduates are growing by the year, the market would be too saturated and I would have missed the opportunity.

Of course, I could go for further studies and then with a Masters, finding a job would be easier (I think) but still....

Why is it that people are getting calls for psych jobs and Im not? Am I not good enough? Is my CV bad? Are my results not good enough?

Or simply, is this not what God has installed for me?

Why am I feeling resentment? Why am I feeling bitterness when this isnt what I want to feel at all. I have to believe that everything happens for a reason. I have to.

Im frightened.

Im really scared.

I want people to stop asking me about jobs already. I want people to stop giving me the pathetic stares they give when I tell them Im not getting replies. I want people to stop asking me why.

Im not ready for this now.

I want to stop time.

I just want to live out the rest of my undergraduate days not thinking about the future.

I want to live in the present.

I need to let go and leave it to Allah. If its meant to be, its meant to be.

I can just pray that whatever the outcome is, I'd have tried as hard as I can, and I'd have made decisions in my life that I wont regret, nor would any peers make me regret.

Breathe.

I need to let go. I need to embrace things which come my way as a blessing and that it happens for a reason that only God knows.

Breathe

END POST~1.17pm

Ok, quite a productive day today. Ive managed to lay out all the necessary stuff for my psych assessment report. In my mind, I kinda know where I'm going and what to include and how I'll make it flow into a solid paper, Insha-Allah, but oh...its 12.30-ish in the morning! If I type now, I'll inevitably want to get it done with before I sleep. But being the perfectionist that I am (ok, only when I have an inkling that I can still salvage my grade then I'm uber perfectionistic), I'll mull over every single statement that I type because I want it to be a super report- not some chin chye report-I may possibly end up not sleeping at all!

Oh the woes of student-hood.

Hmm. Sleep it is then! I shall wake up early for subuh and continue before leaving for sch.

Insha-Allah, this is a wise decision!

END POST~12.34am

And so, for the first time today, I drove my sis to work-went home-left for school and back, braving the heavy rain, all by myself!

:) :) :)

One small step for me but it feels so good to regain my confidence on the road :)

Thank God for protecting me from harm/danger..Alhamdulillah~

Ohh, and I didnt have to pay erp or for carpark. On the down side, I think I burnt 10 bucks worth of petrol la. But ok la. Its not everyday I drive.

Tasks for today:
- Finish data entry in 1 hrs time
- Read psychophysio

Onward!

END POST~6.28pm

Just met the sup just now. Okay la. I do have some serious work to do for analysis.

Like understanding what's going on! I mean I guess I can graph the necessary interactions (after I beg fellow lab mates to help/check) and stuff but what on earth do they mean?? Interpreting could be a big issue here...

Then the dreaded test next Tues! I pray pray pray that the class decides to push the test back because there is no way I can

1) Finish my analyses by this week
2) Study for the psychophyshio test
3) Complete my psych ass report

BY THE END OF THIS WEEK?!

Oh God. Help me.

END POST~5.32pm

Thesis needs to be done before my birthday. That is my personal dateline.

But before that, care and attention must be given to analysing the darn stats.

But before that, I need to finish a report and study for a test (which includes almost every thing. Might as well give me the finals right. Sheesh.)

So, I, farah, must learn to compartmentalise and multi-task.

Must do these concurrently or face the repercussions.

Need to grow up.

Fast.

END POST~8.17pm

Ok, I know Im supposed to be doing work considering my unwritten thesis is due in about 3 weeks, but I couldnt help watching the clin/obam debate on youtube.

I cannot tahan that woman. She is rude, aggressive and plain irritating. I am not familiar with their domestic healthcare plans nor other domestic issues but judging by her body language and tone of voice throughout the debate, I cannot help but shudder in fear at the prospect of having someone seemingly uber temperamental as the pres of the us! Her attitude compared to the poised, composed and eloquent obama definitely gives her away as a hot-headed person who yacks too much (She kept interrupting the mediator, while obama looked on with admirable patience).

Sheesh! So what if she can be the first woman us pres? Her administration could be as hasty as the previous one. Who cares about experience? They need a level headed person. It'd be nice to see a calm leader than a leader who perpetually exudes the 'tough cookie' aura.

I think the world is sick of iron-fisted approach to politics.

Time for change. Soft-power, people. Soft-power.

END POST~6.15pm

I missed my perfumes and cosmetics class for the 3rd time. Sigh. I overslept. Must have been the weather and the late nights.

Things have been looking up for me and I think its something to do with my faith being restored.

In pacticular,
1) presentation for human psychophysio went really well. I think i can safely say that its the best presentation Ive done in nus. I had fun, I knew the material well, I didnt fumble as much and you know what's the icing on the cake? So far, we're the highest in class :)

2) my sup wrote a super nice email to me (judging by his history). He did a preliminary analysis of my data and encouraged me to stick to my previous research question! The menstrual cycle thing may work out in the end! Insha-Allah.

3) 2nd round for this job application...I felt really good after everything. Drained, but good. Not because I think I did well, but good because for once, I gave it my all and was as honest as I could be. So if im really meant for this job and this job is meant for me, then great. Otherwise, Im really ok if I dont make it through to the final stage. After all, I gave it my best shot and that is what's most important.

4) I finally found myself a black jacket and for such a steal of a price :)

5) I came home last night to find an envelope with familiar handwriting and a scent that made me tear, after a long tiring day. A b'day card from my Najib. It said 'Do not open until 25 mar". So I didnt. But for now, just sniffing the comforting smell is enough.

Alhamdulillah. For everything.

END POST~1.43pm

How typical. We're not going for dinner anymore.

END POST~8.17pm

Almost done with Psychophysio presentation! All that's left is to tidy up the section Im presenting so I wont get confused on tues :) Went to parvin's place today and I really really like her house. Its huge. And super conducive for studying. Plus her fridge's full of goodies. Hee.

Anyway, i just got back and Im waiting for the rest to get ready because apparently im having a family dinner. But as usual, its 8pm and no one's moving. Sheesh.

And im in trouble. I have developed a really bad sleep schedule since the start of mid-sem break. Wake up at 11am. Sleep at 4am. What the. I need to wean myself from this or I'll suffer once lessons resume.

Things I learnt about myself today:
1) Im still in the process of learning how to multi-task.

END POST~8.04pm

So a man is on the loose. I reckon he's feeling what scofield felt in prison break.

Anyhoos, just came back from dinner at cheryl's place :)

Wondering how Im going to stay up tonight to complete my presentation for tues since tmr is the group meeting. Hmm. Can la. I still feel quite awake after all.

Need to complete compiling all my data into a single spreadsheet for the supervisor and sort out psych assessment grp project by this weekend too.

Can la :)

Went to trim my hair and did some treatment to it. The stylist said I look better with straight hair. Im enjoying the fact that it's manageable and that my fingers can comb through it with ease. But I like my curls too. Ah well :)

Things I learnt about myself today?
1) I like pampering myself
2) I am addicted to running. Its been 2 days since my last run and I cannot tahan already.
3) I am addicted to earl grey tea and green tea. Keep em coming, I say!
4) I am a more subdued person when amongst many. I used to try to be the centre of attention. Now I just want to smile and speak only when spoken to. In a large group of people, that is. I realise Im really quite a boring person so why bother pretending to be super on and ra-ra?

And hmm. Aussie trip with friends not working out. How ah..I really want to go. I have never been there before! And I want to see my darling. Who wants to go with me? Probably late june? Im really tempted to go alone. It'll be my special grad trip. I could hook up with farhana in sydney then with Najib in Canberra..so I wont really be alone alone..Hmm. How to convince my parents? Should I do what my bro does? Buy the ticket and then tell them later? :P

Who wants to go Aust with me late June?????

END POST~11.42pm

This is what its all about!

MUG MUG MUG!

So many things to do...so little time!

But if we survive this people, we can pat ourselves on the back!

COME ON FRIENDS! Last stretch! We can do it!

END POST~3.27pm

I need to study man.

Was watching gossip girl online today. Episode after episode. So addictive!

Things I do to delay the inevitable pile of work I have to continue ploughing through.

END POST~11.20pm

Miraculously, closure came in precisely as I blogged the last post.

Coincidence, you say. But coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous. (quote I saw from some advert. How apt.)

I am being guided by God.

And so, one door has firmly shut. I was anticipating it yet I held my breath nevertheless.

Now I can breathe. Hope remains.

Greater things are waiting for me.

I feel lighter now.

END POST~1.21am

Im glad that I realised smt and realised it at this point in my life. Because now, I know. There's a limit to what I can do here. But there is no limit as to what I can achieve for the hereafter.

This life is temporary. And today, Alhamdulillah, today, I have regained my faith.
Thank you God. I have been too pre-occupied with this life. I needed a reminder. No matter how painful it was to swallow.

Grant me strength. I have no other ambition than the ambition to be a Muslim who is worthy of your blessings.

I submit to you.

END POST~12.23am

I think all this angst Im going through is angst misdirected at others instead of myself.

Im angry at myself because I suddenly have so many things to do, and time keeps slipping away from me.

Im angry at myself because I told myself I'd quickly settle stuff and complete at least half my thesis by the end of term break, but by the looks of it, I doubt I will.

Im angry at myself because Im no longer passionate and driven as I once was.

Im angry at myself because Im not sure if I believe in what Im doing anymore.

Im angry at myself because I cant seem to have the same level of faith I once had.

END POST~10.17pm

Its either Im aging and finding it difficult to understand what people are trying to say, or Im aging and Im getting rigid. Then again, maybe its really not me. Or maybe it is.

Anyway, Im finding it hard to work with people who nick-pick at ideas but do not have concrete resolutions or suggestions for the next step. I mean come on. It's like you say something needs improvement, but you say it in a form of a question.

?!

I need concrete things to work with. I do not like to grapple at air. Make your point. Make it clear. So that your team-mate doesnt have to waste time thinking what on earth youre talking about.

What do you suggest we do? That what i want to know. I need direction. I need focus. Not a bunch of diffused ideas, especially at this stage, by a bunch of ultra-nice people.

Bah. I think its really me. Im a rigid person.

END POST~9.58pm

I love love love Colbie Caillat's Bubbly. Its just the kind of song you can keep hearing again and again.

Its such a nice, stress-relieving song. Ahhh...

Other than that, among other songs i keep playing on youtube
1) Sara Bareilles-Love Song
2) Rihanna- Dont stop the music
3) Britney- Piece of me
4) Rihanna feat ne-yo- Hate that i love you
5) Hmm. Strangely, all other rihanna's song

But esp the Bubbly and Love song. I like the light upbeat melody :)

Im feeling so much happier. And productive! I organised my data and I completed my bit for a psych ass project assignment. It's a sat and I did work! Wohoo!

La la la...

END POST~6.04pm

My butt. Is. Aching.

And so folks, no. 10 from campus to tamp interchange takes 1hr 40 minutes during peak hour (6.55pm).

The journey from campus to around the bugis area is definitely faster than taking a bus to an mrt stat and then taking the train. But oh my. From kallang, where it starts to turn into dunman rd onwards...haiyo..so slow.

So what nudged me to take the bus? Because the load I was carrying was definitely more than 5kg! It was peak hour. My body was already tired from gym yest. I didnt want to squeeze onto the train and stand all the way.

The whole journey all the way back to my doorstep took 2 hrs. Not bad because if i had taken the usual bus-train-bus, it'd have taken me 1.5 hours. So 30 mins extra for a comfy seat is alright. The downside however is the perceived duration of the journey. Its draining. It felt like 5 hours.

But still, that aside, it was practically a good choice!

Aside: I finished my data collection. Alhamdulillah. WOHOO!

Now the analysis. And projects to complete. And ra stuff. Oh dear.

What term break you tell me? But at least now I can sleep longer :)

END POST~9.21pm

Tired! So tired. Cant wait to get to bed.

Was thinking of going for the career fair tomorrow but I havent printed my resume and honestly, Im too darn tired. I've been waking up early these past few days. The last thing I want is to approach potential employers with a face that smacks of lethargy.

Bah! Im just going to class tmr, and then back home before heading off to the gym.

YAWN.

Friday la. Going with cheryl so at least got company :)

And i seriously need to invest in a suit.

END POST~12.25am

Its 5.20pm and nothing! My my my. I think procrastination is in my veins.

Instead, Ive been researching for packages and other stuff for my grad trip. Apparently, Im travelling with 3 different groups of ppl. But everything's still fuzzy.

(Pause. I think there's a drunk or two singing from the void deck of the next block)

Anyway, I was sitting on the train a couple of days back when I started thinking of miserable my birthday is going to end up because a) I have a test on that day 2) My thesis is due a few days after 3) My darling isnt here 4) My friends are all busy. Good thing for family :)

So during the train trip, my mind kinda wandered on the what-could-have been. Heh, since Im old, parties are out already la. Plus the visit from my niece and nephew last night reinforced that I really am old la. Like Im from a different generation altogether because I honestly cant understand the whole colored pants-emo crap youngsters are into.

Anyhoos, back to my hypothetical birthday-day-out. I would really like to relive my teens..by hanging out with a couple of close friends at a karaoke place, singing britney spears, n'sync and backstreet boys horribly and having a good laugh at how dumb the lyrics are and how we liked them back then...and how we feel nostlagia when we listen to them now (I still have their cds. ha. ha.). Basically just laughing our heads of and having fun, with no worries and all :)

Burst bubble la. Cos in actuality, I dont think it will ever happen cos of the circumstances and cos I dont really know who'd engage in this nonsense with me..most ppl I know are too shy to sing like crap (because that is pretty much the point. If you sing well, then whats the fun in that?) or people dont like embarassing themselves.

Actually, wait a sec. I know some people who may be interested after all :) I think Im going to ask them if they'd like to do this. It doesnt have to be a birthday thing after all -It could be a mini-reunion :)

Yay :)

END POST~5.39pm

Bohemian rhapsody is stuck in my head thanks to this aussie AI contestant, who Im pretty darn sure is going to end up in at least, the top 3. Why? Because his voice is amazing and he oozes the appeal of hugh jackman. -faint-

And is it me, or do hunky aussie guys share a similar pattern? Hugh, Mel (altho ppl say his actually a NZ-der), Eric bana...

Hmm.

Anyway, another day gone by and I have no idea what ive done. But I'll strive to be productive on sun so it wont end up being an unproductive weekend after all!

END POST~12.34am

Just came back from a run and I'm feeling mighty refreshed after a shower. While waiting for my webcam-dinner-date, Ive decided to share how my darling and I spent our 32th month anniversary-v-day-birthday-farewell date last Friday :) Speaking of which, I love it when both of us bother to really dress up for a date once in a while..makes the occassion special. He was of course, dashing as usual on that day..and i wore....a dress! :)

Anyway, first, we went to the national museum as there's currenly an exhibition of Greek pieces from the Lourve. Heh, I even tried on a Greek garment called peplos. Afterwards, we went to Carousel @ Royal Plaza Hotel for a dinner buffet and we so much food because nudgie kept saying how we had to eat to match the value we paid...which was a lot. Thanks dear :) The sushi was really good and the desert. Oh my. Dont get me started on those :D



And then, the gift! We surprised each other with the same gift! Talk about the same frequency! We even pre-ordered it on the same day, from the same branch, without bumping into each other :)

Here's what we got :

He's so sweet right? I didnt want to sound so mushy because I was afraid he's share the cookie cake with others so ya la...but but but! The bon voyage is encapsulated in the heart! So there :)

I love my cookie.

END POST~8.41pm

I awoke yesterday morning, overwhelmed with a sense of uncertainty as to whether the night before truly transpired-or if it was just a dream. But it only took a few seconds before reality set in. He's left. My heart immediately felt like it was shredded to bits. All the preparations werent enough to get me by. I teared at almost every reminder of him.

So I sent Najib off to the airport on mon night. Luckily cheryl accompanied me. Otherwise it would have been plain awkward. His family is extremely huge. I admit, I felt a bit envious because my relatives arent like that. Najib is truly loved by his family and friends. I figure that if I left, few people except my nuclear family and 4-5 friends would even bother coming. So jealous. Anyway, so he said his goodbyes to crying relatives (again, you must be there to witness the love) and waved to me. Relatives were there, you see. As his family gathered at the gate to wave him off, I immediately proceeded to the upper level of t3 where Najib and I had planned to wave to each other. I didnt think he'd remember the plan. But he did. Cheryl spotted him and beckoned me over and just as I did, he called me. And that was when I crumbled. I couldnt utter a word. Choked. I couldnt say goodbye. And when I tried to say the 3 simple words to him, the waterpipes burst and I was a mess. And then he was gone.

I drowned my sorrows with cheryl (who was visibly distraught for her own reasons) with tau huay. Tau huay is my new comfort food. Then we parted at tanah merah mrt. Left alone, I have no idea why my mind kept wandering to the times Najib sent me home and my tearducts went into overdrive. I called up several people. I just needed to talk to someone. At last, Karina picked up and she was kind enough to talk to me on my way back, all the way till I stepped home. And later yunxian, sweet soul that she is, offered words so kind that I swear Im truly blessed to have her as a friend. She even checked up on me yest afternoon. Such love I desperately needed to feel.

Back home, my family was nicer to me. I think they all miss him too. My mom cried when I relayed what happened at the airport.

But enough of tears. Though it will never be the same without his physical presence, as yunxian puts it, 'there's always sms, webcam, msn, skype,". Indeed! He constantly sms-ed me and called me albeit for 2 mins last night. But today! Oh, I got to see my baby today! :) Thank goodness for the logitech webcam. He's settled in and his room is huge compared to the ones on campus. Just reminds me how land scarce we are.

Everything's going to be alright. Insha-Allah :)

Aside: im super annoyed at a particular gov agency. They are so inefficient and theyve messed up my application. Sheesh. At least the other 2 places I applied to bother getting back to me within a week or two. This one? Haiyo. No wonder people warned me against applying there.

END POST~8.03pm

Today the bf came over for lunch, since he's leaving on monday and :) With a little help from my mom, I prepared a feast! Hee...
The table spread included fried marcaroni ala family recipe, wholemeal bread with mashed potatoes and sauce which i learn from my grandma, strawberry jelly with milk and coke. It doesnt sound like a lot but it really is!

Then we had tea and ice cream and chocolate.
(And we realised after he left that we had forgotten to bring out the cheesecake!)

Heh, during lunch, my bro was smiling cos he sensed Najib was really nervous. And my dad went on talking about the usual stuff. My mom has really opened up to him. Too bad my sis was fast asleep cos she was on call yest, and my eldest bro couldnt talk much cos he's sick.

All in all, I think our little farewell lunch went really well :)

Data entry now. Bleah. Then going for a run around tamp w him :) A

END POST~5.21pm

It has begun! One of the best public holidays there is in sg! Cny!

~ Quiet streets (even orchard)
~ Empty malls (creepy but very interesting)
~ Good seats at the cinema (wohoo)
~ Slower pace of life (ahh..)
~ Super long weekend

What's there not to like about CNY? Other than the fact that almost all shops, sans eateries with minority workers, are closed.

Gong Xi Fa Cai everyone :)

END POST~ 9.16pm

I have this sudden urge to move to wordpress.

I dont even know why. hmm.

Why did some of you move to wordpress ah? Whats the diff?

END POST~5.36pm

* Drum rolls please *

I GOT MYSELF A THESIS TITLE!

What a relief! See, I previously had a title. I was interested in investigating the moderating effects of menstrual cycle phase on gender differences in cardiovascular reactivity to lab stress. But that didnt work out at all because I couldnt get enough females. Hence I went through this horrible break down in december because I realised that all the effort I put in since September, painstakingly monitoring these females for 2 months, came to naught, and the possibility of throwing out the variable I had been researching and working on for months was too much to handle, and I didnt know how to progress from there.

Luckily, my supervisor had made me include several other variables as a contingency and so over the past couple of days, I have been madly entering stacks after stacks of data (which should have been done in dec but then I was to busy with my lab and mopping about the possibility of chucking my variable of interest), in the hope of analysing them and coming up with a new title. So thanks A MILLION to my Nudgie-whom-I-dont-know-how-I can-survive-data-entry-without, almost everything was keyed in by Fri.

But I had no time to really sit down and analyze the data. Then I had panic attacks before meeting my sup for various reasons. But Im super duper relieved because the meeting wasnt as bad as I imagined it to be. Most importantly, after some discussion, I walked out of his office with a title! So yay! Title-less thesis, no more!

And now, presenting my thesis title:

"Individual Differences and self-reported health in predicting cardiovascular reactivity during psychological stress"

:)

END POST~10.42am

Caution: Random mutterings about self and identity #1.

At times, I view myself as shallow. I am not a good conversationalist. I cannot hold a decent conversation about philosophy, history, economics, politics and other la di das. Nor can I stand it when people give me their 'takes' on current issues, particularly when it is ridden with negativity and unfounded criticisms. Most of the times, put in those situations, I'd politely smile, nod my head, and silently pray for the person not to ask me my opinion, because I'll likely have none, and even if I did, I'd probably not want to share unless I'm close to that person. How laborious it is to have to substantiate your opinion should it differ from theirs, only to have it questioned later! In the end, and this happens almost always, yet again, I'd smile, nod, offer phrases of agreement before steering the doomed conversation in another direction. TV, Movies, Psych, People, School, Work and so on. I can deal with those.

Which brings me back to the realisation that I am a shallow person: Unless I thoroughly know about things or find them of great interest me, I wouldn't bother to find out more to sustain the conversation.

But I think I can live with that.

END POST~3.32pm

"Morning has broken..la la la la la la la"

Good morning! Im feeling contented this morning because last night, I finished the last batch of data entry for females. It feels like an enormous amt of weight have been lifted off my shoulders. I've been putting this on hold for far to long and its been such a constant nag in my head. So YAY!

Went for a run last night too and it was such a good run since I recovered. The came home, washed the toilet and settled the data. Seems like nothing but I have put all 3 chores on hold for weeks.

So Im glad its over!

Happy morning :)

END POST~9.25am

Day out with b and mom and sis. Its funny how he stiffens as soon as he sees anyone from my family! There's nothing to be nervous about anymore! They like you, b! :)

Watched the mist today and my my my. A fantastic show. Its not the typical monster flick. This one deals with people; their fears, their emotions, their doubts, their zealousness, their moral dilemma-their humanity.

I hope I never end up in a store with people should there be an invasion. People are nuts when fear cripples them. All sense of reason and rationality is impaired.

I would have done what the lead character did in the end. That's why I thoroughly felt his anguish at the end of the show. Im not going to type anymore because perhaps some of you havent caught the show so doing so would be a spoiler.

Its a good show to catch la. At least theres a bit of depth. And considering there isnt really much to work with, without all the distracting special effects blockbusters have these days, the actors did a fantastic job in evoking the emotional response in the audience. I heard applause and sighs of relief when an obnoxious character, well....tra la la...I wont spoil it :)

I bought myself an spca tee today! Finally! Been meaning to head down to their office since last nov but yay! They set up a booth today at tm so yeah :)

And i really hope obama wins.

END POST~7.14pm

I feel like someone's stabbing me from inside my right eye. Is this what a migrane is? Whatever it is, I dont want to know. Its just like how, one day a couple of years back, I finally understood what a headache actually meant. And from that day, I get headaches. Its something about how when you put a name to something, you're more likely to get it in future.

Bah. I dont care if I dont make sense. I think its the lack of sleep. I kept tossing and turning in my sleep last night because I kept telling myself to sleep. That I need to get up early so I had to force myself to sleep. In the end that didnt work at all.

Data collection. Haiyo. I mixed up the answer scripts so now I have to call each of my participants down to identify their respective scripts. Insha-Allah I can settle this asap.

Data entry. Seems people around me have started analyzing their data and doing the preliminary stats while here I am, resting on my laurels instead of completing what I sought to do in december! Anyone wants to do data entry for me? I will pay you $5 per hour. (come on, im just a student!) But i think I really need the extra pair of hands.

Im itching for a run. But the doc says I need to rest. Otherwise I may drop dead after running. My bro's trying to be frank la.

Today's psychophysio lect is like one big oh-my-gosh. I need to read up and pronto. I need to brush up on stats especially! Plus it'll be good for my thesis.

Had lunch with the interns. Managed to surprise parvin with our gift! It is super hard to coordinate people's schedule la...so pat myself on the shoulder that i did it :)

And when am I ever going to find a job? I hear people are getting job offers, going for interviews and bla bla bla..and here I am. Am I the only one who just wants to focus on this semester? Besides how can i possibly apply for a job now when my previous sem's grades arent exactly fantastic?

I have a goal for this semester. I am going to aim for straight As. (ok, maybe an A for thesis is stretching it..but hey! Lets aim for it anyway!)

Of course, everythings up to Allah anyway. I plan. HE determines.
So...Insha-Allah! :)

END POST~7.41pm

B has really taken what I said earlier in the semester very seriously. He's being the pillar I need :) Kept reminding me to study the whole day despite my mild protests and procrastinating attempts.

Thank you dear.

He came to school with me today! Crashed my perfumes lect cos I made him. Wanted him to feel what its like to be a student again. He's leaving in about 2.5 weeks. Our first time attending class together! And gosh, he is so fidgity. Tsk tsk.

Then we went to the bazaars at science and arts. He bought me this perfume concentrate that smells like ralph. I love it i love i love it :) And we ate..a lot! Otak otak lah...waffles with chocolate dip la...yoghurt ice-cream la...and we sat at the stone steps at the central forum..listening to the jazz/instrumental songs played by the ah-pek selling cds( $16 bucks????!!!), feeling the warm breeze..eating our goodies...smelling the sample scents on my hand...and just stoning...it felt so nice. I think today's possibly one of the best days ive had in school. I felt and still feel absolutely contented. I like sitting at the forum. I like reading there. Its peaceful. (ok. maybe its really because of the background music). Here's to more people-watching cum reading my stuff while sitting alone (or with good company) at the forum steps.

I love today's weather too. The evening was bright, warm yet breezy. So peaceful. I love my neighbourhood.

Tomorrow I start my data collection. Why oh why on earth did I arrange the slot to begin at 10am? But the sooner I get it done with, the better.

Till then, Im feeling zen :)

PS: I filled for graduation today.

END POST~8.24pm

It is HOT HOT HOT in sg today isnt it?

The glare from the sun is almost unbearable today that Im thankful that I got my shades just in time for the dry spell typically expected in jan-feb :)

At first I felt pretty self-conscious about wearing them because I dont want people to think Im a poser or anything but really la...buay tahan..plus I got a bit of encouragement when I saw others at the bus stop with it on. So hee..I put it on and I didnt want to take them off cos I just love how I dont have to squirm my eyes anymore!

And I realise that its really dumb to feel self-conscious abt the shades. I mean, how come when Im overseas, I dont care? Is it a tourist thing? But its ridiculous right? Sg is really sunny so people shouldnt think others are posers for wearing them (Fine, I was one of them la..but only when its clearly raining and the fella has it on la...thats a bit odd..but im beginning to understand why people leave their sunglasses on while on the train..cos its more convenient considering the train would eventually emerge into the 'outdoors'). So fine. I shall stop secretly rolling my eyes at these people. After all, everybody has the right to protecting their eyes from UV rays-something which I just realise ive been neglecting and now im trying to make up for it!

And you should too if you havent already. For the budget conscious like myself, you can find relatively cheap shades without compromising on quality. For instance, the one I have is from a brand called skyline and it can be found at petrol kiosks and get this, the co-op! Its only $39.95 but it has the following areas of compliance:

1) Optical quality- lenses would not cause magnification and are of the correct spherical curvature (In other words, you wont get a headache while or after wearing them. For example, when I try on those shades that can be found at far east etc, I get migranes after no more than 5 mins)
2) The Polarising filter eliminates up to 99.9% of potentially harmful UVA and UVB rays
3) Shatter resistance provides eye protection in the event of accidental breakage
4) Colouration factor (no distortion of traffic light signals)
5) Equal transmission in each lens
6) The scratch resistant coating makes the lens 5 times more resistant to scratching
7) Lightweight

Ok. I'll stop selling koyok now..but really la..Im happy I found THE shades after my my sister's Op shades kena damage by me after the tioman trip.

La la la..Im feeling much better today! I cant really breathe as easy and I discovered something startling. I burp a lot when Im sick. Perhaps because I have to breathe through my mouth so air ends up in my tummy. Either way, it is superbly uncomfortable to stifle burps on the mrt. Its tantamount to torture, I tell you. So you can imagine my happiness when I could just be in open air and burp to my air-passage's content.

END POST~4.58pm

Who am I kidding? I am sick. And miserable

My eyes are dry yet sometimes I tear.

My nose is blocked.

My body is aching.

My head feels heavy.

I didnt eat much till just now when I had to force feed myself.

My appetite is gone. Why must we bother eating?

Dear God, please make me get better.

END POST~9.03pm

Very interesting start to the sem today.

Woke up with a sore throat and the sniffles. I probably contracted this cold yesterday, when, after walking nearly 7km along east coast in search for a place to rent a kayak and then discovering that the place had long ceased operating and I'd have to wait another 2 weeks before mana2 beach club opens, I stubbornly plunged myself in the cool seawater in the hope of cooling off from the scorching mid-day heat.

Dipped around for 10-15 mins or so, cleaned myself up and was subjected to a nice, relaxing, cool breeze.

I think that did it. The hot then cold temperature, followed by the breeze and my wet hair.

Anyway, so, since I woke up with the sore throat, I decided to soothe it with warm water. So I put the kettle on, and then poured the boiled water into my cup. In my head, I kept telling myself to sip slowly but before I knew it, I had taken a giant gulp of hot water.

So I burnt my tongue today. And it was horrible! Because I want warm water for my throat yet it'd sting my tongue. But if I take cold water, it'd be bad for my throat. In any case, believe me, a sore throat is way better than a burnt tongue because with the latter, 1) you cant really taste the food you eat 2) every bite of warm food is an assault to your senses.

That aside, it was an eventful day at school. Started off with perfumes lect and boy, am I glad Im taking this mod! So interesting! I was flipping through the coursepack for the cosmetics bit and I felt like I was reading a beauty mag (except its more science-y and objectively informative).

Bumped into so many people today. Tini and sumaiya at lect, chris-who-i-havent-seen-in-what-seems-like-a-year and others at the table (yes! the table is back!) , grace and pema at the co-op and then karina, yunxian and kyle on the bus! Im so happy :) Still, Im a bit embarassed because I had an emotional outburst at sumaiya today. I dont know why i was so mean to her..sigh..i was hurt, annoyed and then remorseful...but all's well now :) I love this girl! And note to self, please control temperament. PMS is not an excuse!

Then after buying my text and stuff, I met nudgie and we had dinner. Then another memorable thing happened. The bottom of the glass he was drinking from came off and the content spilled onto both our clothes. We were reaked in soda. Honestly, Im quite pleased with the way we handled the situation though. We were both tired and the waiters were really apologetic so it ended really well. Plus we got ourselves a discount :)

After dinner, I really wanted to rush home before the bookshop near my place closes. I really wanted to buy my book cover..and I was already getting upset at the prospect of being too late...so we rushed and boarded the bus. Then I realised my ez link card had no value in it. Eventually, after digging for cash and asking around for change, the bus driver was kind enough to accept all the coins we had (which was just 10 cents shy of the actual fee)so yay!

And the book shop was open! And nudgie managed to get his hair cut! So yay! We both got what we wanted!

Im really glad today went well :) Ive just re-read what I just typed above and on hindsight, the ups and downs of the day seem inconsequential. But the point is, that no matter how small something may seem, it can affect the way you look at things and how you feel. It's like a chain reaction of some sort, if you get what I mean.

Anyway, i really should stop typing and shower! Heh, my mom just showed me the new pyjamas she bought me and she was so excited. A Hello kitty pyjamas???!!! Still, I love my mom. Hey, its the thought that counts so yes, I will wear my hello kitty pjs tonight because it was bought with love. Im already loving it.

OOH! Nudgie bought me a pair of shades today! hee~

I feel loved! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

Here's to a fruitful, wonderful and memorable semester! Insha-Allah

END POST~10.22pm

I am AT karina's house!!! (Yun xian and toktok are here too)

We are waiting for the no-bake oreo cheesecake to settle :) i cannot wait because it looks yummy! And I especially love the fact that I dont have to play around with ovens (because im really bad with ovens).

The final batch of blueberry muffins are underway too! Not too sure cos yunxian and karina are working on them so ya!

Karina's house is so...new! :) I love her room! Cosy and conducive!

Currently bidding for Cosmetics and Perfumes. I know i know..it sounds like some beauty school module but its a pharmacy module. Besides, it'll be fun since I need a break from psych mods! And i hear that the project will be to review 3 products on the market, analyse the chemical components, the way it is marketted and so on before coming up with our own original product and marketing it. So its like a chemistry cum biz mod! Im really quite excited :)

Meeting just, ting and c.nott later for dinner..I told them to meet at bugis but I dont know where we'll end up eating. Just went to bugis yest for lunch with my friends from the internship..it was well, nice..but kinda sad cos we're running out of things to talk about! Boo!!

Alright, Im going to check on the cheescake!

END POST~2.14pm

I have finally gotten down to changing the blog url of friends who have long changed their blogs. I had figured that it'd be easier to click on the links off their old blogs but heh, I might as well do it today la since it's always at the back of my mind but I just kept putting it off.

In the lab now waiting for parvin to come back from pgp so she can pass me s2 of heroes. Then Im going to the lib to collect the 8 thesis ive reserved since last week. Gonna zap whatever materials/references I find relevant from them. Then when I get bored, I'll do some of the ra work im supposed to have done last sem. Cheryl is seriously hounding me. And cheryl doesnt usually hound me for things. Im the cloud now I suppose. But only because this ra thing is getting blah, cheryl..and you know it. BOO.

I think the last sem kiasu cum kanchongness has reared its head already. And im embracing it! Ive already arranged a group to work with for psychophysio and we've already started discussing possible topics to present even before class. Likewise with psych ass! I feel like buying the psychophysio text today..hmm.

Listening to radio pulse now (the online campus radio). Why are they playing bhangra suddenly? haha. :) This is like only my 2nd time tuning in. Why hadnt I discovered this earlier? non stop music!

I am excited because...Im going to karina's hse to bake on fri! I smell muffins and cheesecakes!

Oh! And Im uber proud of myself thus far because i have not eaten chocs in over a week! Oh my gosh. What an achievement since its staple food at home. Boy, I must tell you how tough it was the first few days..and mind you, there were withdrawal symptoms such as grumpiness among others. Thank goodness my dad brought home baby oranges (i know theyre called tangerines but i call them baby oranges cos they're so darn cute). So everytime I feel an urge to plug a chocolate drip into my veins, i reach for a baby orange and gulp it down. There's something strange about putting a whole orange in one's mouth. A sense of power..and sense of enormity and monstrosity..because theyre so tiny! Theyre sweet and yummy and everyone should eat baby oranges like now! Now!

:)

Im also proud of myself because Ive been running almost everyday..but yest, I had one of the best runs in months.I felt like Ive pushed myself. So now I know that I need not be afraid of running at that pace again because I can do it :)

PS: thats it. Im hooked to radio pulse. They played lifehouse.

END POST~1.33pm

~First post of 2008~

School starts in 12 days time! I cant believe that 10 yrs ago today was my first day of secondary school. It seems like yesterday! And now, 10 years on, Im into my last sem in nus! So fast or what!

Im a little bit excited, a little bit weary and a little bit of everything else.

Excited because in some odd way, Im ready to study again. Last sem, I was complacent. Not this sem. Nah uh. This sem, I push push push all the way :)

Im hoping to read psychophysio and psycho assessment this sem. As for my breadth, I have no idea what I'll have to end up doing! I mean I want mno but I doubt I have enough points to bid for it :( I want human nutrition but I dont meet the pre-req. I want repro health but I doubt I can get it either. Oh gosh...what on earth can I take? A friend is suggesting I take a module on microbes (crickets in the background...uh...) and its 8am in the morning on tues and fri! That means I gotta leave at 6.30am. GASP. which means I have to wake up at 5.30?!

Whatever la. I'm sure I'll grow to like whatever I end up with.

La la la...this is so exciting :)

END POST~12.25pm