It's been almost a month since I last published a post. Actually, I have 3 backdated posts which I typed and saved in my email account since I dont want to access blogger from work. I just never really got down to publishing them till, well, now!

I'm free-er and less lazy cos Im on LEAVE! :) Half day leave today. Leave tmr. PH wed. Course (aka slack time) on thurs and friday....wheeeeeeee~ Im loving October already! :)

So here are my previous posts :) Some of which arent really worth putting up me thinks but ah well.

Tues, 9th Sept

Well. Have you ever felt so pressure cooked to complete something in one moment and then feel utterly bored in the next?

That's what happened yesterday. Before I get to that, a little context: I've been working on this presentation for our client for weeks now because somehow, the meeting keeps getting postponed.

To cut the long story short, my sup jumped the gun and sent my draft of the presentation slides to the big bosses. My colleague and I were in fact, making drastic changes while awaiting our sup to get back to us. Monday morning, I checked my email and I was shocked that she sent the slides to the big bosses for their input. Now, they're very busy people right? So I had to act fast otherwise they would be wasting their time making comments on the wrong presentation. Urgh. So I explained to my sup that I felt uncomfortable and she was agreeable to informing them about the mix up-so long as I emailed them about it. So I spent 20 minutes crafting an email because it's my first official email to either of them. I told them about how I'd send them a revised version the next day. I obsessed about the sent email some time later, regretting how convoluted the email sounded. Then I realised I imposed upon myself a dateline. Problem? The presenter was on mc and I needed her input. So I had to interrupt her rest. She was kind enough to offer her input so long as I email her the slides. So then, I told her I'd send her that night. After all, no point sending her a lousy version. Then I realised that I dont know how to tabulate the data for a particular component which she was handling all this while. Afraid of being a pain to her, I immediately sourced for help and found it in one of the admin staff who's super super nice. So all's settled right?

This morning, I checked my email. Boss lady said she didnt see my email and had by then worked on the previous version and that I'll have to incorporate her comments into the new version. At first, I wanted to slam my head on the table. But after looking at her comments, I didnt feel too bad. At least 25 %, if not more, would be addressed by the new version. PLUS I wont have to rush to submit to them the slides today :) So I'll be able to work on it together with the presenter tmr.

Fantastic right? Which means I dont really have anything to do for the rest of the day. Yay!

Im bored, though.

Thurs, 4th Sept

Ok la. I'm having a happy day at work today. Know why? It's all in the tude. The ATTITUDE.

I'm pleasantly surprised just how powerful a change in mindset is. I left the house feeling blah about having to go to work again and I kept replaying yesterday's post in my head. How I made that declaration that a part of me has died.

Then it hit me. I can change this. I can change my outlook on things. I have two choices: whine and sulk or suck it up and try to reclaim 'me'.

So I strode into the office today, chin up and smiling. And it's amazing. Everyone suddenly seem nicer today :)
I'm having a super day now. Plus im happy cos i'm knocking off in 2 hrs. Woot!

Anyway, moral of the story: If any of you feel like crap going to work, change your outlook and presto! If that doesnt work, well, hmm..

WED- 3rd Sept

I think a part of me has died since I started working. I'm no longer as bubbly, as vocal, or as caring.

I'm too malleable for my own good I suppose. I moulded myself to meet the work environment at the expense of my personality.

The worse part? I'm actually ok with it. I went through some discomfort initially, hence the "I-hate-work" posts. But now, I realise how easy it is to just sit in a corner and not make a sound. That way, zero accountability. Anything, just put on a poker face and say I dunno or not sure. All these years of being brouhaha about things when I could have just sat in a corner? Gosh, if only I had known earlier!

Heh, I have become the perfect office worker. Yesterday, this colleague came up to me and started excitedly talking about something and the only thought in my head- "Oh my God, oh MY GOD. She's gonna make me do work. Please no....keep smilling and nodding like you care...keep smiling and nodding like you care...oh no..."

Ok. I've just read my post. This is quite bad. What happened to my work ethics and personal values?

Nah. Dont have any. For now. Maybe I'll do a 180 when the time comes. Ok la. I do have some semblance of it still (this is where I try to manage impressions on me). I mean if they give something which I feel is of value and for significant purposes, then of course I'd do my best. (/impression management)

Till then I just wanna have a pleasant work experience and do what I have to do.

Awaiting pay day~