I think I know why people have suicidal ideation.

Its because of people like him who makes people just wanna give up on everything and die. .

Jump off a roof. Jump in front of a train. Sleep and never wake up. Roll over a window sill.
Because you certainly know how to make people feel worthless and small dont you? Making people end it because theyre never good enough.

That they feel so trapped. That they have nowhere to go.

Im beginning to think he truly is the devil's spawn.

Because no other person in the world has ever made me feel so miserable with just a few words.

I have to keep telling myself that I'll look back on in life and roll my eyes.

But for now...there's so much uncertainty ahead you know? That its all out there. That if I dont cease every opportunity....

Oh God, I need divine intervention. Please grant me strength to go on. Please shut off all these horrible emotions. I dont want to live my days like this.
And it breaks my heart that my family has to see me like this. Because they feel my pain and I dont want them to feel it anymore.

I honestly dont care how I do anymore. I just want to finish it the best that I can without him bugging me like that. Making me feel worthless.

Please help me take things in stride. Help me see that theres more to life than this. Because there is. Please take me out of this tunnel-vision.

I cant take this anymore.

END POST~6.23pm

DIE STUPID MAN DIE!

The last thing I need from my anal sup is his anal prima donna behaviour la. I'm so bloody tempted into submitting my thesis without him even reading it la. I mean he's freaking cramping my style. All he's adding now is stress.

SCREW you for the 'supportive' email you donkey shit. My entire academic career hinges on this and you dare throw your tantrum?

Can you believe he insist on not checking his email over the weekend?

Even though his students need him?

END POST~11.28am

Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know...?

Do you get what you're hoping for
When you look behind you
There's no open door
What are you hoping for?
Do you know...?

-Theme from Mahogany.

END POST~2.57pm

As soon as I clicked "publish post" I started crying.

It sucks that I feel alone. True, everyone else is going through the same thing yet I feel so alone in this. That even though people give me statements of support and stuff..I still feel alone.

And he's trying to make me feel better from where he is..but I cant help wishing he was here. Right now. And that's making me cry even more.

I'm feeling downright miserable and I hope blogging helps. In some weird, unverified way.

I need a hug.

END POST~11.56am

I am having a bad bad start to sunday.

I hate it when there's no breakfast. My body went into starvation mode when Im sleeping so the least I can do is to feed it some food to kick start the day. Went to kitchen----open fridge---saw milk---no cereal. NO CEREAL! What happened to the TWO boxes mom bought a couple of days ago? Left with bread. Letfover bread. With what? Peanut butter. Urgh. Then my mom said...eat cake or eat ice-cream la. Thats when I couldnt take it.
YOU ALL CALL ME FAT THEN YOU FEED ME FAT FOOD.

Then dad keeps cooking fat food. Curry curry curry curry curry keema curry beryani..and again and again.

I sound so bloody ungrateful right? At least theres food at home..I know. And if I truly was hungry, I'd have eaten anything w/o complaining. But Im also trying so hard to start my day healthy and it bugs me that I dont have the support at home. So the rest of them have high metabolic rates and can afford to eat junk breakfast or skip it. NOT ME.

Ok, this angsty post is coming from somewhere.

You know where? Because I WASTED THE WHOLE OF SAT outside. Dyed my hair (WHICH IS DISASTROUS, BY THE WAY).

Tried shopping for formal pants (BUT I CANT FIT INTO THE LARGEST SIZE AT ALL)

Went home and wanted to do work to end the day productive. HAD HEADACHE FROM THE STUPID HAIRDYE SMELL OR SMT.

Went to sleep so darn early at 10.30pm and told myself I'd wake up at 6.30/7 to start work.
WOKE UP AT 10.30.

And to top it off, im having my freaking period which is freaking irritating cos its causing me cramps and backflow. URGHHHHHHH! I HATE BACKFLOW.

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe...

Things will get better.Things will get better...

NOT WHEN MY THESIS DRAFT IS DUE THIS FRIDAY AND I HAVE NOTHING TYPED!

I think. I. Am. On. The. Brink. Of. A. Panic. Attack.

END POST~11.42am

Ive been feeling lethargic lately. It started yesterday but I dismissed it as 'aftershock' from the days before when I slept irregularly. So yesterday, I slept in. Wait a sec. I dont remember what happened yesterday. Oh my goodness. What was I doing yesterday? It was wed...I was....OH! Okay. Yeah, so I slept in because I felt I deserved it. But that didnt seem to alleviate the drowsiness. So I did as much as I could to ensure Wed didnt go to waste by completing the P&C quiz and a bit of the project. I hoped today would be different.

Yet, the same thing happened. I was supposed to head to school early to print stuff and all but I just couldnt get up. And even now, my body is feeling so tired. I slept enough. I ate enough. I exercised. Why am I feeling like this? Could it be PMS? Is lethargy and a tad of nausea at night part of it?

Other than these symptoms, I feel fine. Could it be that Im weaning myself off caffeine? Hmm. Cos Ive been downing and average of 2.5 cups of tea from mid last week till mon. Perhaps.

Either way, I pray that my body can snap out of this soon..

I have something big planned for my birthday. It is my gift to myself :)

And Insha-Allah, it will materialise.

END POST~9.57pm

Im halfway through my thesis.

No, Im just kidding. Oh what a cruel joke to play on myself.

Im barely started la! But all that will change in the next couple of days as thesis becomes priority number 1. No more nasty little midterm tests/assignment to deal with. Well, except for just 2 stuff but its for my breadth so worse come to worse, S/U!

:)

In order ascending order of dateline:

1) P&C quiz---20%
(take home quiz! So cool right? MCQ some more. But super tricky la)
2) THESIS--------- 300%
3) P&C project------20%
4) Exams
5) Freedom!

Although I suspect 1) is 10 % and 3) is 30%. Ah well!

END POST~1.23pm

NYEH!

(What every yr 4 looks like now)

My patience has been pushed to the limit. I think I'm being tested.

First a wedding downstairs. 6 hours of loud, obnoxious, nauseating music (that my grandma really puked at 3am later). It was unrelentless. Why cant they be considerate enough to at least put a bloody notice at the lift lobby or smt to warn people abt the 'festivities'. Ok la. Granted, it is a happy occassion that they'd wanna share to the whole wide world. But think abt all the angsty, limited-for-time students who have massive amounts of work to cram for. And for old ladies who cannot take the non-stop pulsating music. Ya, we saw you preparing the tables and stuff...but AT LEAST PUT UP A NOTICE and tell us from what time to what time our lives would be disrupted so we wont feel so helpless and foolishly anticipate that it'd be over in a few hours only. 6 hours is too much man.

I dont think I want to hold mine at the void deck. Even if I do, it'll be peaceful, relaxing music mostly. Anyway...

Then today. Dah lah I slept at 3 plus am and woke up at 7am then back to sleep...and woke up at 10am knowing that a whole load of work awaits me. Fine. BUT that i had to be RUDELY awaken by DRILLING. Thats going on even now. WHAT THE? Why cant they PUT UP A NOTICE? Oh my gosh. So at least we wont be jolted la. Why must they (i cant even ascertain which level they come from) put up a notice saying "Hello, Im XX from the X floor. I would like to notify you bla bla bla...As such, I apologise for any inconvenience caused..Feel free to pop by after the works are over and see how much money we've put in to make your lives miserable for a few hours-But at least we've warned you so you can put in your ear plugs at the appropriate time", or smt like that la.

SIGH. Thank goodness I have earplugs. The orange 3M ones.

GRIT TEETH AND STUDY farah...it'll be over soon....

END POST~10.27am

I think it's pretty much official that the void deck of the block opposite mine is a watering hole for a bunch of drunk, tone deaf people.

Its been 3 weeks in a row that they just sit at the stone tables, drink and make noise on sat/sun.

But quite entertaining la. Cos sometimes I just laugh at their nonsense.

Im almost done with psych assessment. Alhamdulillah! Like finally! How many posts have I talked abt it? So yay! All that's left is to cut down 55 words. And if I really cant, I'll just let it be. I mean she cant possibly be so particular right? Its just 55 words! Come on..show some mercy..

Psychophysio. Where do I start? I was thinking of driving down to sch tmr to check out the anatomy books but then I realise that itd be so ridiculous. How different can that anatomy book be different from the ones I have at home? Besides, the super-majorly important diagrams are probably scanned into the lecture notes, right? Hmm. See how..

Insha-Allah I'll do well for both the report and the test ahead!

END POST~9.18pm

This baby girl is such a darling :)

She's only 17 months and she can read! As in read words randomly shown to her, which is extremely incredible!

http://video.msn.com/?mkt=en-us&vid=400a8dd5-902a-4d71-882c-7da7b8b7cc1f&playlist=videoByUuids:uuids:c044d322-a4f6-4a38-925a-12d01ef81fb8%2C33eaf98e-57f9-4ece-a7a6-eeadf1f18bcc%2C2225f56a-2069-4a77-b75d-b82504dea5f6&from=MSNHP&tab=m17&GT1=28114

Aside: I will finish the darn psych ass report by today! Must must must!

END POST~12.11pm

Haiyo....I'm so sick of typing my psych ass report. I was supposed to complete the darn thing on wed. Then I decided to complete it on thurs. And now it's Fri morn and Im still type type typing.
At first I thought to myself, how on earth I can possibly come up with 1500 words for this assignment. Haiyo. Now Ive broken past the 1000 word marker and Im still left with another 3 sections! Which means I have to go back and painfully cut out bits from the earlier sections.

Boo.

I just want to get this done. I havent even started on psychophysio!

HELP!

END POST~11.09am

Alhamdulillah, I just got a call to inform me I've made it to the final stage of selection for this job.

I was really happy considering I thought I didnt do well in the first 2 rounds...

But I dont know why. A part of me is feeling really heavy. I mean, granted, making it to the next round is really really good since the selection is super rigorous la! But suddenly, everything seems to be moving so quickly.

And not a word from any of the organisations to which I had applied for a psych position.
And that depresses me a little. And as I type this, there's a lump in my throat. And I keep hearing the voice of a certain peer who says that the first job should be a psych job, and from another that a first job should carry a good title.

Or this. Or that. Nye nye nye. People's comments affect me more than I thought. Worse, if I get a non-psych job, people will ask me what happened to my plans. People will ask how come youre not pursuing psych. Bla. Bla. Bla. Bla. Bla.

And then I worry. If I dont get a psych job this year, if I wait till 3-4 years later, by then, due to the sheer fact that the number of psych undergraduates are growing by the year, the market would be too saturated and I would have missed the opportunity.

Of course, I could go for further studies and then with a Masters, finding a job would be easier (I think) but still....

Why is it that people are getting calls for psych jobs and Im not? Am I not good enough? Is my CV bad? Are my results not good enough?

Or simply, is this not what God has installed for me?

Why am I feeling resentment? Why am I feeling bitterness when this isnt what I want to feel at all. I have to believe that everything happens for a reason. I have to.

Im frightened.

Im really scared.

I want people to stop asking me about jobs already. I want people to stop giving me the pathetic stares they give when I tell them Im not getting replies. I want people to stop asking me why.

Im not ready for this now.

I want to stop time.

I just want to live out the rest of my undergraduate days not thinking about the future.

I want to live in the present.

I need to let go and leave it to Allah. If its meant to be, its meant to be.

I can just pray that whatever the outcome is, I'd have tried as hard as I can, and I'd have made decisions in my life that I wont regret, nor would any peers make me regret.

Breathe.

I need to let go. I need to embrace things which come my way as a blessing and that it happens for a reason that only God knows.

Breathe

END POST~1.17pm

Ok, quite a productive day today. Ive managed to lay out all the necessary stuff for my psych assessment report. In my mind, I kinda know where I'm going and what to include and how I'll make it flow into a solid paper, Insha-Allah, but oh...its 12.30-ish in the morning! If I type now, I'll inevitably want to get it done with before I sleep. But being the perfectionist that I am (ok, only when I have an inkling that I can still salvage my grade then I'm uber perfectionistic), I'll mull over every single statement that I type because I want it to be a super report- not some chin chye report-I may possibly end up not sleeping at all!

Oh the woes of student-hood.

Hmm. Sleep it is then! I shall wake up early for subuh and continue before leaving for sch.

Insha-Allah, this is a wise decision!

END POST~12.34am

And so, for the first time today, I drove my sis to work-went home-left for school and back, braving the heavy rain, all by myself!

:) :) :)

One small step for me but it feels so good to regain my confidence on the road :)

Thank God for protecting me from harm/danger..Alhamdulillah~

Ohh, and I didnt have to pay erp or for carpark. On the down side, I think I burnt 10 bucks worth of petrol la. But ok la. Its not everyday I drive.

Tasks for today:
- Finish data entry in 1 hrs time
- Read psychophysio

Onward!

END POST~6.28pm

Just met the sup just now. Okay la. I do have some serious work to do for analysis.

Like understanding what's going on! I mean I guess I can graph the necessary interactions (after I beg fellow lab mates to help/check) and stuff but what on earth do they mean?? Interpreting could be a big issue here...

Then the dreaded test next Tues! I pray pray pray that the class decides to push the test back because there is no way I can

1) Finish my analyses by this week
2) Study for the psychophyshio test
3) Complete my psych ass report

BY THE END OF THIS WEEK?!

Oh God. Help me.

END POST~5.32pm

Thesis needs to be done before my birthday. That is my personal dateline.

But before that, care and attention must be given to analysing the darn stats.

But before that, I need to finish a report and study for a test (which includes almost every thing. Might as well give me the finals right. Sheesh.)

So, I, farah, must learn to compartmentalise and multi-task.

Must do these concurrently or face the repercussions.

Need to grow up.

Fast.

END POST~8.17pm

Ok, I know Im supposed to be doing work considering my unwritten thesis is due in about 3 weeks, but I couldnt help watching the clin/obam debate on youtube.

I cannot tahan that woman. She is rude, aggressive and plain irritating. I am not familiar with their domestic healthcare plans nor other domestic issues but judging by her body language and tone of voice throughout the debate, I cannot help but shudder in fear at the prospect of having someone seemingly uber temperamental as the pres of the us! Her attitude compared to the poised, composed and eloquent obama definitely gives her away as a hot-headed person who yacks too much (She kept interrupting the mediator, while obama looked on with admirable patience).

Sheesh! So what if she can be the first woman us pres? Her administration could be as hasty as the previous one. Who cares about experience? They need a level headed person. It'd be nice to see a calm leader than a leader who perpetually exudes the 'tough cookie' aura.

I think the world is sick of iron-fisted approach to politics.

Time for change. Soft-power, people. Soft-power.

END POST~6.15pm

I missed my perfumes and cosmetics class for the 3rd time. Sigh. I overslept. Must have been the weather and the late nights.

Things have been looking up for me and I think its something to do with my faith being restored.

In pacticular,
1) presentation for human psychophysio went really well. I think i can safely say that its the best presentation Ive done in nus. I had fun, I knew the material well, I didnt fumble as much and you know what's the icing on the cake? So far, we're the highest in class :)

2) my sup wrote a super nice email to me (judging by his history). He did a preliminary analysis of my data and encouraged me to stick to my previous research question! The menstrual cycle thing may work out in the end! Insha-Allah.

3) 2nd round for this job application...I felt really good after everything. Drained, but good. Not because I think I did well, but good because for once, I gave it my all and was as honest as I could be. So if im really meant for this job and this job is meant for me, then great. Otherwise, Im really ok if I dont make it through to the final stage. After all, I gave it my best shot and that is what's most important.

4) I finally found myself a black jacket and for such a steal of a price :)

5) I came home last night to find an envelope with familiar handwriting and a scent that made me tear, after a long tiring day. A b'day card from my Najib. It said 'Do not open until 25 mar". So I didnt. But for now, just sniffing the comforting smell is enough.

Alhamdulillah. For everything.

END POST~1.43pm

How typical. We're not going for dinner anymore.

END POST~8.17pm

Almost done with Psychophysio presentation! All that's left is to tidy up the section Im presenting so I wont get confused on tues :) Went to parvin's place today and I really really like her house. Its huge. And super conducive for studying. Plus her fridge's full of goodies. Hee.

Anyway, i just got back and Im waiting for the rest to get ready because apparently im having a family dinner. But as usual, its 8pm and no one's moving. Sheesh.

And im in trouble. I have developed a really bad sleep schedule since the start of mid-sem break. Wake up at 11am. Sleep at 4am. What the. I need to wean myself from this or I'll suffer once lessons resume.

Things I learnt about myself today:
1) Im still in the process of learning how to multi-task.

END POST~8.04pm

So a man is on the loose. I reckon he's feeling what scofield felt in prison break.

Anyhoos, just came back from dinner at cheryl's place :)

Wondering how Im going to stay up tonight to complete my presentation for tues since tmr is the group meeting. Hmm. Can la. I still feel quite awake after all.

Need to complete compiling all my data into a single spreadsheet for the supervisor and sort out psych assessment grp project by this weekend too.

Can la :)

Went to trim my hair and did some treatment to it. The stylist said I look better with straight hair. Im enjoying the fact that it's manageable and that my fingers can comb through it with ease. But I like my curls too. Ah well :)

Things I learnt about myself today?
1) I like pampering myself
2) I am addicted to running. Its been 2 days since my last run and I cannot tahan already.
3) I am addicted to earl grey tea and green tea. Keep em coming, I say!
4) I am a more subdued person when amongst many. I used to try to be the centre of attention. Now I just want to smile and speak only when spoken to. In a large group of people, that is. I realise Im really quite a boring person so why bother pretending to be super on and ra-ra?

And hmm. Aussie trip with friends not working out. How ah..I really want to go. I have never been there before! And I want to see my darling. Who wants to go with me? Probably late june? Im really tempted to go alone. It'll be my special grad trip. I could hook up with farhana in sydney then with Najib in Canberra..so I wont really be alone alone..Hmm. How to convince my parents? Should I do what my bro does? Buy the ticket and then tell them later? :P

Who wants to go Aust with me late June?????

END POST~11.42pm

This is what its all about!

MUG MUG MUG!

So many things to do...so little time!

But if we survive this people, we can pat ourselves on the back!

COME ON FRIENDS! Last stretch! We can do it!

END POST~3.27pm

I need to study man.

Was watching gossip girl online today. Episode after episode. So addictive!

Things I do to delay the inevitable pile of work I have to continue ploughing through.

END POST~11.20pm

Miraculously, closure came in precisely as I blogged the last post.

Coincidence, you say. But coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous. (quote I saw from some advert. How apt.)

I am being guided by God.

And so, one door has firmly shut. I was anticipating it yet I held my breath nevertheless.

Now I can breathe. Hope remains.

Greater things are waiting for me.

I feel lighter now.

END POST~1.21am

Im glad that I realised smt and realised it at this point in my life. Because now, I know. There's a limit to what I can do here. But there is no limit as to what I can achieve for the hereafter.

This life is temporary. And today, Alhamdulillah, today, I have regained my faith.
Thank you God. I have been too pre-occupied with this life. I needed a reminder. No matter how painful it was to swallow.

Grant me strength. I have no other ambition than the ambition to be a Muslim who is worthy of your blessings.

I submit to you.

END POST~12.23am

I think all this angst Im going through is angst misdirected at others instead of myself.

Im angry at myself because I suddenly have so many things to do, and time keeps slipping away from me.

Im angry at myself because I told myself I'd quickly settle stuff and complete at least half my thesis by the end of term break, but by the looks of it, I doubt I will.

Im angry at myself because Im no longer passionate and driven as I once was.

Im angry at myself because Im not sure if I believe in what Im doing anymore.

Im angry at myself because I cant seem to have the same level of faith I once had.

END POST~10.17pm

Its either Im aging and finding it difficult to understand what people are trying to say, or Im aging and Im getting rigid. Then again, maybe its really not me. Or maybe it is.

Anyway, Im finding it hard to work with people who nick-pick at ideas but do not have concrete resolutions or suggestions for the next step. I mean come on. It's like you say something needs improvement, but you say it in a form of a question.

?!

I need concrete things to work with. I do not like to grapple at air. Make your point. Make it clear. So that your team-mate doesnt have to waste time thinking what on earth youre talking about.

What do you suggest we do? That what i want to know. I need direction. I need focus. Not a bunch of diffused ideas, especially at this stage, by a bunch of ultra-nice people.

Bah. I think its really me. Im a rigid person.

END POST~9.58pm

I love love love Colbie Caillat's Bubbly. Its just the kind of song you can keep hearing again and again.

Its such a nice, stress-relieving song. Ahhh...

Other than that, among other songs i keep playing on youtube
1) Sara Bareilles-Love Song
2) Rihanna- Dont stop the music
3) Britney- Piece of me
4) Rihanna feat ne-yo- Hate that i love you
5) Hmm. Strangely, all other rihanna's song

But esp the Bubbly and Love song. I like the light upbeat melody :)

Im feeling so much happier. And productive! I organised my data and I completed my bit for a psych ass project assignment. It's a sat and I did work! Wohoo!

La la la...

END POST~6.04pm

My butt. Is. Aching.

And so folks, no. 10 from campus to tamp interchange takes 1hr 40 minutes during peak hour (6.55pm).

The journey from campus to around the bugis area is definitely faster than taking a bus to an mrt stat and then taking the train. But oh my. From kallang, where it starts to turn into dunman rd onwards...haiyo..so slow.

So what nudged me to take the bus? Because the load I was carrying was definitely more than 5kg! It was peak hour. My body was already tired from gym yest. I didnt want to squeeze onto the train and stand all the way.

The whole journey all the way back to my doorstep took 2 hrs. Not bad because if i had taken the usual bus-train-bus, it'd have taken me 1.5 hours. So 30 mins extra for a comfy seat is alright. The downside however is the perceived duration of the journey. Its draining. It felt like 5 hours.

But still, that aside, it was practically a good choice!

Aside: I finished my data collection. Alhamdulillah. WOHOO!

Now the analysis. And projects to complete. And ra stuff. Oh dear.

What term break you tell me? But at least now I can sleep longer :)

END POST~9.21pm

Tired! So tired. Cant wait to get to bed.

Was thinking of going for the career fair tomorrow but I havent printed my resume and honestly, Im too darn tired. I've been waking up early these past few days. The last thing I want is to approach potential employers with a face that smacks of lethargy.

Bah! Im just going to class tmr, and then back home before heading off to the gym.

YAWN.

Friday la. Going with cheryl so at least got company :)

And i seriously need to invest in a suit.

END POST~12.25am

Its 5.20pm and nothing! My my my. I think procrastination is in my veins.

Instead, Ive been researching for packages and other stuff for my grad trip. Apparently, Im travelling with 3 different groups of ppl. But everything's still fuzzy.

(Pause. I think there's a drunk or two singing from the void deck of the next block)

Anyway, I was sitting on the train a couple of days back when I started thinking of miserable my birthday is going to end up because a) I have a test on that day 2) My thesis is due a few days after 3) My darling isnt here 4) My friends are all busy. Good thing for family :)

So during the train trip, my mind kinda wandered on the what-could-have been. Heh, since Im old, parties are out already la. Plus the visit from my niece and nephew last night reinforced that I really am old la. Like Im from a different generation altogether because I honestly cant understand the whole colored pants-emo crap youngsters are into.

Anyhoos, back to my hypothetical birthday-day-out. I would really like to relive my teens..by hanging out with a couple of close friends at a karaoke place, singing britney spears, n'sync and backstreet boys horribly and having a good laugh at how dumb the lyrics are and how we liked them back then...and how we feel nostlagia when we listen to them now (I still have their cds. ha. ha.). Basically just laughing our heads of and having fun, with no worries and all :)

Burst bubble la. Cos in actuality, I dont think it will ever happen cos of the circumstances and cos I dont really know who'd engage in this nonsense with me..most ppl I know are too shy to sing like crap (because that is pretty much the point. If you sing well, then whats the fun in that?) or people dont like embarassing themselves.

Actually, wait a sec. I know some people who may be interested after all :) I think Im going to ask them if they'd like to do this. It doesnt have to be a birthday thing after all -It could be a mini-reunion :)

Yay :)

END POST~5.39pm

Bohemian rhapsody is stuck in my head thanks to this aussie AI contestant, who Im pretty darn sure is going to end up in at least, the top 3. Why? Because his voice is amazing and he oozes the appeal of hugh jackman. -faint-

And is it me, or do hunky aussie guys share a similar pattern? Hugh, Mel (altho ppl say his actually a NZ-der), Eric bana...

Hmm.

Anyway, another day gone by and I have no idea what ive done. But I'll strive to be productive on sun so it wont end up being an unproductive weekend after all!

END POST~12.34am

Just came back from a run and I'm feeling mighty refreshed after a shower. While waiting for my webcam-dinner-date, Ive decided to share how my darling and I spent our 32th month anniversary-v-day-birthday-farewell date last Friday :) Speaking of which, I love it when both of us bother to really dress up for a date once in a while..makes the occassion special. He was of course, dashing as usual on that day..and i wore....a dress! :)

Anyway, first, we went to the national museum as there's currenly an exhibition of Greek pieces from the Lourve. Heh, I even tried on a Greek garment called peplos. Afterwards, we went to Carousel @ Royal Plaza Hotel for a dinner buffet and we so much food because nudgie kept saying how we had to eat to match the value we paid...which was a lot. Thanks dear :) The sushi was really good and the desert. Oh my. Dont get me started on those :D



And then, the gift! We surprised each other with the same gift! Talk about the same frequency! We even pre-ordered it on the same day, from the same branch, without bumping into each other :)

Here's what we got :

He's so sweet right? I didnt want to sound so mushy because I was afraid he's share the cookie cake with others so ya la...but but but! The bon voyage is encapsulated in the heart! So there :)

I love my cookie.

END POST~8.41pm

I awoke yesterday morning, overwhelmed with a sense of uncertainty as to whether the night before truly transpired-or if it was just a dream. But it only took a few seconds before reality set in. He's left. My heart immediately felt like it was shredded to bits. All the preparations werent enough to get me by. I teared at almost every reminder of him.

So I sent Najib off to the airport on mon night. Luckily cheryl accompanied me. Otherwise it would have been plain awkward. His family is extremely huge. I admit, I felt a bit envious because my relatives arent like that. Najib is truly loved by his family and friends. I figure that if I left, few people except my nuclear family and 4-5 friends would even bother coming. So jealous. Anyway, so he said his goodbyes to crying relatives (again, you must be there to witness the love) and waved to me. Relatives were there, you see. As his family gathered at the gate to wave him off, I immediately proceeded to the upper level of t3 where Najib and I had planned to wave to each other. I didnt think he'd remember the plan. But he did. Cheryl spotted him and beckoned me over and just as I did, he called me. And that was when I crumbled. I couldnt utter a word. Choked. I couldnt say goodbye. And when I tried to say the 3 simple words to him, the waterpipes burst and I was a mess. And then he was gone.

I drowned my sorrows with cheryl (who was visibly distraught for her own reasons) with tau huay. Tau huay is my new comfort food. Then we parted at tanah merah mrt. Left alone, I have no idea why my mind kept wandering to the times Najib sent me home and my tearducts went into overdrive. I called up several people. I just needed to talk to someone. At last, Karina picked up and she was kind enough to talk to me on my way back, all the way till I stepped home. And later yunxian, sweet soul that she is, offered words so kind that I swear Im truly blessed to have her as a friend. She even checked up on me yest afternoon. Such love I desperately needed to feel.

Back home, my family was nicer to me. I think they all miss him too. My mom cried when I relayed what happened at the airport.

But enough of tears. Though it will never be the same without his physical presence, as yunxian puts it, 'there's always sms, webcam, msn, skype,". Indeed! He constantly sms-ed me and called me albeit for 2 mins last night. But today! Oh, I got to see my baby today! :) Thank goodness for the logitech webcam. He's settled in and his room is huge compared to the ones on campus. Just reminds me how land scarce we are.

Everything's going to be alright. Insha-Allah :)

Aside: im super annoyed at a particular gov agency. They are so inefficient and theyve messed up my application. Sheesh. At least the other 2 places I applied to bother getting back to me within a week or two. This one? Haiyo. No wonder people warned me against applying there.

END POST~8.03pm

Today the bf came over for lunch, since he's leaving on monday and :) With a little help from my mom, I prepared a feast! Hee...
The table spread included fried marcaroni ala family recipe, wholemeal bread with mashed potatoes and sauce which i learn from my grandma, strawberry jelly with milk and coke. It doesnt sound like a lot but it really is!

Then we had tea and ice cream and chocolate.
(And we realised after he left that we had forgotten to bring out the cheesecake!)

Heh, during lunch, my bro was smiling cos he sensed Najib was really nervous. And my dad went on talking about the usual stuff. My mom has really opened up to him. Too bad my sis was fast asleep cos she was on call yest, and my eldest bro couldnt talk much cos he's sick.

All in all, I think our little farewell lunch went really well :)

Data entry now. Bleah. Then going for a run around tamp w him :) A

END POST~5.21pm

It has begun! One of the best public holidays there is in sg! Cny!

~ Quiet streets (even orchard)
~ Empty malls (creepy but very interesting)
~ Good seats at the cinema (wohoo)
~ Slower pace of life (ahh..)
~ Super long weekend

What's there not to like about CNY? Other than the fact that almost all shops, sans eateries with minority workers, are closed.

Gong Xi Fa Cai everyone :)

END POST~ 9.16pm

I have this sudden urge to move to wordpress.

I dont even know why. hmm.

Why did some of you move to wordpress ah? Whats the diff?

END POST~5.36pm

* Drum rolls please *

I GOT MYSELF A THESIS TITLE!

What a relief! See, I previously had a title. I was interested in investigating the moderating effects of menstrual cycle phase on gender differences in cardiovascular reactivity to lab stress. But that didnt work out at all because I couldnt get enough females. Hence I went through this horrible break down in december because I realised that all the effort I put in since September, painstakingly monitoring these females for 2 months, came to naught, and the possibility of throwing out the variable I had been researching and working on for months was too much to handle, and I didnt know how to progress from there.

Luckily, my supervisor had made me include several other variables as a contingency and so over the past couple of days, I have been madly entering stacks after stacks of data (which should have been done in dec but then I was to busy with my lab and mopping about the possibility of chucking my variable of interest), in the hope of analysing them and coming up with a new title. So thanks A MILLION to my Nudgie-whom-I-dont-know-how-I can-survive-data-entry-without, almost everything was keyed in by Fri.

But I had no time to really sit down and analyze the data. Then I had panic attacks before meeting my sup for various reasons. But Im super duper relieved because the meeting wasnt as bad as I imagined it to be. Most importantly, after some discussion, I walked out of his office with a title! So yay! Title-less thesis, no more!

And now, presenting my thesis title:

"Individual Differences and self-reported health in predicting cardiovascular reactivity during psychological stress"

:)

END POST~10.42am

Caution: Random mutterings about self and identity #1.

At times, I view myself as shallow. I am not a good conversationalist. I cannot hold a decent conversation about philosophy, history, economics, politics and other la di das. Nor can I stand it when people give me their 'takes' on current issues, particularly when it is ridden with negativity and unfounded criticisms. Most of the times, put in those situations, I'd politely smile, nod my head, and silently pray for the person not to ask me my opinion, because I'll likely have none, and even if I did, I'd probably not want to share unless I'm close to that person. How laborious it is to have to substantiate your opinion should it differ from theirs, only to have it questioned later! In the end, and this happens almost always, yet again, I'd smile, nod, offer phrases of agreement before steering the doomed conversation in another direction. TV, Movies, Psych, People, School, Work and so on. I can deal with those.

Which brings me back to the realisation that I am a shallow person: Unless I thoroughly know about things or find them of great interest me, I wouldn't bother to find out more to sustain the conversation.

But I think I can live with that.

END POST~3.32pm

"Morning has broken..la la la la la la la"

Good morning! Im feeling contented this morning because last night, I finished the last batch of data entry for females. It feels like an enormous amt of weight have been lifted off my shoulders. I've been putting this on hold for far to long and its been such a constant nag in my head. So YAY!

Went for a run last night too and it was such a good run since I recovered. The came home, washed the toilet and settled the data. Seems like nothing but I have put all 3 chores on hold for weeks.

So Im glad its over!

Happy morning :)

END POST~9.25am

Day out with b and mom and sis. Its funny how he stiffens as soon as he sees anyone from my family! There's nothing to be nervous about anymore! They like you, b! :)

Watched the mist today and my my my. A fantastic show. Its not the typical monster flick. This one deals with people; their fears, their emotions, their doubts, their zealousness, their moral dilemma-their humanity.

I hope I never end up in a store with people should there be an invasion. People are nuts when fear cripples them. All sense of reason and rationality is impaired.

I would have done what the lead character did in the end. That's why I thoroughly felt his anguish at the end of the show. Im not going to type anymore because perhaps some of you havent caught the show so doing so would be a spoiler.

Its a good show to catch la. At least theres a bit of depth. And considering there isnt really much to work with, without all the distracting special effects blockbusters have these days, the actors did a fantastic job in evoking the emotional response in the audience. I heard applause and sighs of relief when an obnoxious character, well....tra la la...I wont spoil it :)

I bought myself an spca tee today! Finally! Been meaning to head down to their office since last nov but yay! They set up a booth today at tm so yeah :)

And i really hope obama wins.

END POST~7.14pm

I feel like someone's stabbing me from inside my right eye. Is this what a migrane is? Whatever it is, I dont want to know. Its just like how, one day a couple of years back, I finally understood what a headache actually meant. And from that day, I get headaches. Its something about how when you put a name to something, you're more likely to get it in future.

Bah. I dont care if I dont make sense. I think its the lack of sleep. I kept tossing and turning in my sleep last night because I kept telling myself to sleep. That I need to get up early so I had to force myself to sleep. In the end that didnt work at all.

Data collection. Haiyo. I mixed up the answer scripts so now I have to call each of my participants down to identify their respective scripts. Insha-Allah I can settle this asap.

Data entry. Seems people around me have started analyzing their data and doing the preliminary stats while here I am, resting on my laurels instead of completing what I sought to do in december! Anyone wants to do data entry for me? I will pay you $5 per hour. (come on, im just a student!) But i think I really need the extra pair of hands.

Im itching for a run. But the doc says I need to rest. Otherwise I may drop dead after running. My bro's trying to be frank la.

Today's psychophysio lect is like one big oh-my-gosh. I need to read up and pronto. I need to brush up on stats especially! Plus it'll be good for my thesis.

Had lunch with the interns. Managed to surprise parvin with our gift! It is super hard to coordinate people's schedule la...so pat myself on the shoulder that i did it :)

And when am I ever going to find a job? I hear people are getting job offers, going for interviews and bla bla bla..and here I am. Am I the only one who just wants to focus on this semester? Besides how can i possibly apply for a job now when my previous sem's grades arent exactly fantastic?

I have a goal for this semester. I am going to aim for straight As. (ok, maybe an A for thesis is stretching it..but hey! Lets aim for it anyway!)

Of course, everythings up to Allah anyway. I plan. HE determines.
So...Insha-Allah! :)

END POST~7.41pm

B has really taken what I said earlier in the semester very seriously. He's being the pillar I need :) Kept reminding me to study the whole day despite my mild protests and procrastinating attempts.

Thank you dear.

He came to school with me today! Crashed my perfumes lect cos I made him. Wanted him to feel what its like to be a student again. He's leaving in about 2.5 weeks. Our first time attending class together! And gosh, he is so fidgity. Tsk tsk.

Then we went to the bazaars at science and arts. He bought me this perfume concentrate that smells like ralph. I love it i love i love it :) And we ate..a lot! Otak otak lah...waffles with chocolate dip la...yoghurt ice-cream la...and we sat at the stone steps at the central forum..listening to the jazz/instrumental songs played by the ah-pek selling cds( $16 bucks????!!!), feeling the warm breeze..eating our goodies...smelling the sample scents on my hand...and just stoning...it felt so nice. I think today's possibly one of the best days ive had in school. I felt and still feel absolutely contented. I like sitting at the forum. I like reading there. Its peaceful. (ok. maybe its really because of the background music). Here's to more people-watching cum reading my stuff while sitting alone (or with good company) at the forum steps.

I love today's weather too. The evening was bright, warm yet breezy. So peaceful. I love my neighbourhood.

Tomorrow I start my data collection. Why oh why on earth did I arrange the slot to begin at 10am? But the sooner I get it done with, the better.

Till then, Im feeling zen :)

PS: I filled for graduation today.

END POST~8.24pm

It is HOT HOT HOT in sg today isnt it?

The glare from the sun is almost unbearable today that Im thankful that I got my shades just in time for the dry spell typically expected in jan-feb :)

At first I felt pretty self-conscious about wearing them because I dont want people to think Im a poser or anything but really la...buay tahan..plus I got a bit of encouragement when I saw others at the bus stop with it on. So hee..I put it on and I didnt want to take them off cos I just love how I dont have to squirm my eyes anymore!

And I realise that its really dumb to feel self-conscious abt the shades. I mean, how come when Im overseas, I dont care? Is it a tourist thing? But its ridiculous right? Sg is really sunny so people shouldnt think others are posers for wearing them (Fine, I was one of them la..but only when its clearly raining and the fella has it on la...thats a bit odd..but im beginning to understand why people leave their sunglasses on while on the train..cos its more convenient considering the train would eventually emerge into the 'outdoors'). So fine. I shall stop secretly rolling my eyes at these people. After all, everybody has the right to protecting their eyes from UV rays-something which I just realise ive been neglecting and now im trying to make up for it!

And you should too if you havent already. For the budget conscious like myself, you can find relatively cheap shades without compromising on quality. For instance, the one I have is from a brand called skyline and it can be found at petrol kiosks and get this, the co-op! Its only $39.95 but it has the following areas of compliance:

1) Optical quality- lenses would not cause magnification and are of the correct spherical curvature (In other words, you wont get a headache while or after wearing them. For example, when I try on those shades that can be found at far east etc, I get migranes after no more than 5 mins)
2) The Polarising filter eliminates up to 99.9% of potentially harmful UVA and UVB rays
3) Shatter resistance provides eye protection in the event of accidental breakage
4) Colouration factor (no distortion of traffic light signals)
5) Equal transmission in each lens
6) The scratch resistant coating makes the lens 5 times more resistant to scratching
7) Lightweight

Ok. I'll stop selling koyok now..but really la..Im happy I found THE shades after my my sister's Op shades kena damage by me after the tioman trip.

La la la..Im feeling much better today! I cant really breathe as easy and I discovered something startling. I burp a lot when Im sick. Perhaps because I have to breathe through my mouth so air ends up in my tummy. Either way, it is superbly uncomfortable to stifle burps on the mrt. Its tantamount to torture, I tell you. So you can imagine my happiness when I could just be in open air and burp to my air-passage's content.

END POST~4.58pm

Who am I kidding? I am sick. And miserable

My eyes are dry yet sometimes I tear.

My nose is blocked.

My body is aching.

My head feels heavy.

I didnt eat much till just now when I had to force feed myself.

My appetite is gone. Why must we bother eating?

Dear God, please make me get better.

END POST~9.03pm

Very interesting start to the sem today.

Woke up with a sore throat and the sniffles. I probably contracted this cold yesterday, when, after walking nearly 7km along east coast in search for a place to rent a kayak and then discovering that the place had long ceased operating and I'd have to wait another 2 weeks before mana2 beach club opens, I stubbornly plunged myself in the cool seawater in the hope of cooling off from the scorching mid-day heat.

Dipped around for 10-15 mins or so, cleaned myself up and was subjected to a nice, relaxing, cool breeze.

I think that did it. The hot then cold temperature, followed by the breeze and my wet hair.

Anyway, so, since I woke up with the sore throat, I decided to soothe it with warm water. So I put the kettle on, and then poured the boiled water into my cup. In my head, I kept telling myself to sip slowly but before I knew it, I had taken a giant gulp of hot water.

So I burnt my tongue today. And it was horrible! Because I want warm water for my throat yet it'd sting my tongue. But if I take cold water, it'd be bad for my throat. In any case, believe me, a sore throat is way better than a burnt tongue because with the latter, 1) you cant really taste the food you eat 2) every bite of warm food is an assault to your senses.

That aside, it was an eventful day at school. Started off with perfumes lect and boy, am I glad Im taking this mod! So interesting! I was flipping through the coursepack for the cosmetics bit and I felt like I was reading a beauty mag (except its more science-y and objectively informative).

Bumped into so many people today. Tini and sumaiya at lect, chris-who-i-havent-seen-in-what-seems-like-a-year and others at the table (yes! the table is back!) , grace and pema at the co-op and then karina, yunxian and kyle on the bus! Im so happy :) Still, Im a bit embarassed because I had an emotional outburst at sumaiya today. I dont know why i was so mean to her..sigh..i was hurt, annoyed and then remorseful...but all's well now :) I love this girl! And note to self, please control temperament. PMS is not an excuse!

Then after buying my text and stuff, I met nudgie and we had dinner. Then another memorable thing happened. The bottom of the glass he was drinking from came off and the content spilled onto both our clothes. We were reaked in soda. Honestly, Im quite pleased with the way we handled the situation though. We were both tired and the waiters were really apologetic so it ended really well. Plus we got ourselves a discount :)

After dinner, I really wanted to rush home before the bookshop near my place closes. I really wanted to buy my book cover..and I was already getting upset at the prospect of being too late...so we rushed and boarded the bus. Then I realised my ez link card had no value in it. Eventually, after digging for cash and asking around for change, the bus driver was kind enough to accept all the coins we had (which was just 10 cents shy of the actual fee)so yay!

And the book shop was open! And nudgie managed to get his hair cut! So yay! We both got what we wanted!

Im really glad today went well :) Ive just re-read what I just typed above and on hindsight, the ups and downs of the day seem inconsequential. But the point is, that no matter how small something may seem, it can affect the way you look at things and how you feel. It's like a chain reaction of some sort, if you get what I mean.

Anyway, i really should stop typing and shower! Heh, my mom just showed me the new pyjamas she bought me and she was so excited. A Hello kitty pyjamas???!!! Still, I love my mom. Hey, its the thought that counts so yes, I will wear my hello kitty pjs tonight because it was bought with love. Im already loving it.

OOH! Nudgie bought me a pair of shades today! hee~

I feel loved! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

Here's to a fruitful, wonderful and memorable semester! Insha-Allah

END POST~10.22pm

I am AT karina's house!!! (Yun xian and toktok are here too)

We are waiting for the no-bake oreo cheesecake to settle :) i cannot wait because it looks yummy! And I especially love the fact that I dont have to play around with ovens (because im really bad with ovens).

The final batch of blueberry muffins are underway too! Not too sure cos yunxian and karina are working on them so ya!

Karina's house is so...new! :) I love her room! Cosy and conducive!

Currently bidding for Cosmetics and Perfumes. I know i know..it sounds like some beauty school module but its a pharmacy module. Besides, it'll be fun since I need a break from psych mods! And i hear that the project will be to review 3 products on the market, analyse the chemical components, the way it is marketted and so on before coming up with our own original product and marketing it. So its like a chemistry cum biz mod! Im really quite excited :)

Meeting just, ting and c.nott later for dinner..I told them to meet at bugis but I dont know where we'll end up eating. Just went to bugis yest for lunch with my friends from the internship..it was well, nice..but kinda sad cos we're running out of things to talk about! Boo!!

Alright, Im going to check on the cheescake!

END POST~2.14pm

I have finally gotten down to changing the blog url of friends who have long changed their blogs. I had figured that it'd be easier to click on the links off their old blogs but heh, I might as well do it today la since it's always at the back of my mind but I just kept putting it off.

In the lab now waiting for parvin to come back from pgp so she can pass me s2 of heroes. Then Im going to the lib to collect the 8 thesis ive reserved since last week. Gonna zap whatever materials/references I find relevant from them. Then when I get bored, I'll do some of the ra work im supposed to have done last sem. Cheryl is seriously hounding me. And cheryl doesnt usually hound me for things. Im the cloud now I suppose. But only because this ra thing is getting blah, cheryl..and you know it. BOO.

I think the last sem kiasu cum kanchongness has reared its head already. And im embracing it! Ive already arranged a group to work with for psychophysio and we've already started discussing possible topics to present even before class. Likewise with psych ass! I feel like buying the psychophysio text today..hmm.

Listening to radio pulse now (the online campus radio). Why are they playing bhangra suddenly? haha. :) This is like only my 2nd time tuning in. Why hadnt I discovered this earlier? non stop music!

I am excited because...Im going to karina's hse to bake on fri! I smell muffins and cheesecakes!

Oh! And Im uber proud of myself thus far because i have not eaten chocs in over a week! Oh my gosh. What an achievement since its staple food at home. Boy, I must tell you how tough it was the first few days..and mind you, there were withdrawal symptoms such as grumpiness among others. Thank goodness my dad brought home baby oranges (i know theyre called tangerines but i call them baby oranges cos they're so darn cute). So everytime I feel an urge to plug a chocolate drip into my veins, i reach for a baby orange and gulp it down. There's something strange about putting a whole orange in one's mouth. A sense of power..and sense of enormity and monstrosity..because theyre so tiny! Theyre sweet and yummy and everyone should eat baby oranges like now! Now!

:)

Im also proud of myself because Ive been running almost everyday..but yest, I had one of the best runs in months.I felt like Ive pushed myself. So now I know that I need not be afraid of running at that pace again because I can do it :)

PS: thats it. Im hooked to radio pulse. They played lifehouse.

END POST~1.33pm

~First post of 2008~

School starts in 12 days time! I cant believe that 10 yrs ago today was my first day of secondary school. It seems like yesterday! And now, 10 years on, Im into my last sem in nus! So fast or what!

Im a little bit excited, a little bit weary and a little bit of everything else.

Excited because in some odd way, Im ready to study again. Last sem, I was complacent. Not this sem. Nah uh. This sem, I push push push all the way :)

Im hoping to read psychophysio and psycho assessment this sem. As for my breadth, I have no idea what I'll have to end up doing! I mean I want mno but I doubt I have enough points to bid for it :( I want human nutrition but I dont meet the pre-req. I want repro health but I doubt I can get it either. Oh gosh...what on earth can I take? A friend is suggesting I take a module on microbes (crickets in the background...uh...) and its 8am in the morning on tues and fri! That means I gotta leave at 6.30am. GASP. which means I have to wake up at 5.30?!

Whatever la. I'm sure I'll grow to like whatever I end up with.

La la la...this is so exciting :)

END POST~12.25pm

I dont know how much longer (pun intended) I can take!

I feel like chopping them off...I'll give it another few days then I think I'll have to trim them at least!

Anyway, this weekend, I did 2 things for this first time :) On sat, under the watchful eyes of nenek, I cooked nasi beryani! :) And it tasted nice given its my first attempt! Heeee...Nenek said I passed! :)

Then on sun morn, I went for pilates. Ok la..I felt..comfortably stretched. Although the last 15 mins of the session was this relaxation exercise where we had to lie down and have our eyes closed. We were told to clear our minds. But the moment she said "clear your mind of any thoughts..." a gazillion thoughts zoomed in and out of my head. Hmm.

Well, since its 31st dec already, wanna wish everyone A Wonderful New Year! May the lessons learnt in 2007 and before be remembered so 2008 and thereafter will be fulfilling years of life.

END POST~12.43pm

Ive never kept long fingernails. But Im trying to grow them now just to see how long I can last before I end up biting them.

How do girls with long fingernails do it? I find it difficult to type and I wake up in the mornings to find my fingers and hands substantially heavier by the day!

Is there some hand/finger exercise I need to do or smt to deal w the extra weight?

END POST~5.00pm

And that sums up Yr 4 Sem 1.

A collective SIGH everyone.

And a huge heave of relief as I bid my penultimate sem goodbye and good riddance!

An exciting final semester awaits.

END POST~2.30pm

Wet for a 'fish spa' today and had tiny Doctor Fish-es nibbling at my feet. At first it was ticklish but after a while, it was really soothing. My gosh. Najib definitely has more dead skin than anyone else as they were flocking to his legs in particular! He had to move away from me or else no fish would come to me!

Bought ourselves webcams since he's leaving in feb. Im playing with it now! Im loving it!

Results tmr. Hmm.

END POST~9.17m

Im waiting for the day when I can say that I walked through fire and didnt get burnt.

END POST~7.19pm

God must have heard me :)

Alhamdulillah

END POST~4.14pm

All that Ive worked hard for. It's all falling apart. I'm not getting the participants I need. So close yet so far. And that is the worst thing of all. Im so close to where I want to be and yet I will never be able to reach it because of this. Ive done everthing I can. Ive practically begged them to come down for lab. Ive come down on public holidays. On saturdays. On sundays. At any time as long as they're willing to come. And all for what?

Now I sit in my lab, 21 dec 2007. Crying my eyes out. Ive always been optimistic. Always thought that I just have to be patient and my participants will respond. Will reply. Will come. But reality has slowly been seeping in.

First, the response is trickling down and so is my pool of subjects. Ive tried asking friends. Not working at all as they dont fulfill the criteria I need. Heck, i even decided to reduce the number of participants per condition to 15!

Then I found out that they brought forward the dateline to 30th march.

But the last straw came down with my participant today. I had to take the painful decision to exclude her data. Exclude! Im moving backwards.

Oh my god. How will my sup react when I report to him my sample size? He's going to tell me something I dont want to hear. He's going to make me change my entire research question because that is the only way to salvage my thesis. And I know that.

But everything I put in...I keep thinking of all that Ive done...its all going to waste. and it hurts so much.

it hurts so much.

I worked so hard. All that.

I cant type anymore

END POST~1.35pm

No No NO! I will not do any more work today. Enough data entry for today. (Thanks yihan for coming over to my place to help me and for taking 2 bundles home!:)( Hee, free labour..yes, Im an opportunist..hehehehehee)

Tired. Hmrph. Make me!

Tired tired tired BUT I had a fantastic workout today and now I feel uber alive :)

I'm high on endorphines! Plus Im so H.A.P.P.Y cos my baby bear called me!!! 20 mins of his voice...ahhh..

I can sleep smiling tonight..

BUT then, tmr I must wake up early and its a long long long day tmr. I'll have to make my way to school to photocopy stuff because school is the only place I know with photocopiers and which opens early :S because in the afternoon, I have a freaking 4 hr test for some job (hence i need copies of my certs and stuff)...and then I gotta make way to kim and char's bday party. Sadly, I dont think I can dress according to their theme anymore...

Oh bother, which means I have to iron my black pants cos I dont think I can wear jeans right? Alamak..what if they dont fit anymore? Well, I guess i'll stuff myself into them anyways.

Ok, I need my beauty sleep. Que sera sera.

END POST~9.47pm

"I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss
And a prince I'm hoping comes with this" La la lala laaaaaa...........

The song Giselle sings in Enchanted keeps playing in my head! And though Im a grey's anatomy fan, Ive never really like mcdreamy till today! He's so...dreamy and charming. Sigh. I feel like falling in love all over again :)

Wait. I am in love :) Just waiting for my prince to come home :)

Anyway, I need to stop spending. I bought a top today. I had to control myself from buying more stuff! Thank goodness justina has such strength to stop me. Plus I realise I always eat when Im outside. Snacking especially. ARGH. I really must leave my house with just enough cash for whatever is impt...and leave my nets/mastercard at home.

END POST~9.23pm

I love intimate gatherings. I had such a lovely time the whole of yest :)

First with my dear winsthin who's ever so patient shopping with me!

Then with cheryl, jeannie, mel and amy! Which was rather impromptu, not only because it was an amy-mel thing but somehow the 3 of us joined in, but also cos I thought I wouldnt be able to make it. But I'm so glad I did! We met at tanjong pagar cos we're supposed to have dinner at tuckshop but they were having a private function so after walking along the 'questionable' streets of ...i'm not sure where, we ended up driving (thanks jeannie!) to arab st and having dinner at this dingy, shisha smelling place serving 'egyption' food, where we had a clear view of a half naked man watching a hindi show.

Last night was the first time ive met up with friends in ages. I'd really love to meet up with more, catching up and just forgetting about all the chores I need to do. But when? I'm almost already packed with stuff to do tmr and fri. And weekends are the days where I just want to sleep in and just slob at home.

Then next week, I have lab sessions.

Well, at least Im glad Im occupied. At least I wont feel like Im wasting my life, bumming around :)

I'm going to catch Enchanted with sumaiya later and then Im meeting Justina :)

Yay! Farah finally has a social life! Yippee!

END POST~11.23am

Things are progressing slowly, but surely :)

I've got 6 participants coming down for lab next week! I was expecting the worse but hurrah! Slowly...slowly....hopefully I can convince the others who havent replied to come down for my lab...IM DESPERATE! Boo.

And Im finally going to start on tonnes of data entry for the various sets of questionnaires I got my participants to fill in (N=approx 220)! Luckily, I've got help! So sweet you are!

Meeting my dear friend Winsthin-formerly-known-as-WinsTONNE in 45 mins time :P

I better run!

END POST~12.44pm

I am on the brink of tears. Ive been coming across websites after websites filled with pure hatred for Islam.

Such ignorance. What a pity. Even in the face of rational debate, people still behave like that. Gosh, dont they know that its only the few who has ruined everything?

Why do people hate us so much?

How can they generalise so easily..so uncaringly like that? And say vile things like that without understanding?

We're people too. We're each different from the other, just as anyone in the world is not the same person as the one beside him. So how can you ignore this fact that not every muslim are like those few who claim to be muslims and yet act otherwise?

Alhamdulillah I live in singapore. You should be too, you know. Despite the rising costs and what some of you may find to be a 'stifling' environment with a bad education system (which I vehemently disagree), you cannot deny that safety and tolerance is way better here than it can ever be anywhere else in the world.

So next time you want to complain, shuddup and be grateful for what you have as a Singaporean living in this mad mad world first.

Sigh. Im gonna watch heroes now.

END POST~9.59pm

Call me inefficient because I just took 5 hours writing my CV up. But that's cos I put a whole lot of love into it :)

END POST~8.47pm

I've busted my left foot. This is a sad but potent reminder to anyone not to exercise barefoot. Ever.

Today, I drove to school. I havent driven in ages so it felt good to be on the road but it was damn scary. I hate lane 1 drivers. Why must they be so bloody impatient? And how come people dont stick to the speed limit? I was minding my own business and this ass from behind (haha.ass..from behind..ok. nevermind), was tailgating me. He had plenty of opportunities to overtake me. I mean its saturday morn for goodness sake. Whats the bloody rush? If you arent happy, bite me. Overtake me for all I care. But no. He tailgated. Till finally, he overtook me and purposely jammed his break when he got in front of me and then sped off. Najib was in the passenger seat and he was so upset. He said that the driver did that on purpose to 'tell me' how slow i was. So Najib honked at the driver cos the driver was rude, aggressive and was plain bullying cos he prob thinks female drivers wont dare honk. Well. I guess that ass should know better by now. Because I WILL honk they next time people do that to me. It's my life you know. Jam breaking like that just because you are not happy with me is extremely immature and irresponsible. I should have noted his license plate no. Jerk.

Anyway, I am officially a lane 2 driver. I cant take it. Lane 1 people are too reckless.

That said, I drove ard campus running some errands after lab, then headed back home to return the car...in one piece :) Alhamdulillah.

Then went for an early dinner with najib..30th month anniversary :) we had chilli crab :) He had to go off before long as his flight was at 830. Sigh. He'll be back on the 19th but I miss him already. Loneliness likes to creep in at night, huh.

Went shopping with my sister. We havent had quality time together for some time so heh, with Najib away, its time to catch up. I must say, tamp mall and century sq has changed A LOT. And I love dressing my sister up. It's like Im shopping vicariously through her. My sister is very pretty, me thinks. She really stands out in any crowd. But she doesnt even know it :)

I think that mozzies are biting my feet as I type this. Itchyyyyyyy....

END POST~12.34am

My legs are aching! I went to pulau ubin with my darling today. He had never been to ubin before and I havent been there since sec 3. Think the last time I was there, I was having my npcc-atc camp :)
The place hasnt changed much as far as I can remember, thankfully. Although I find the place a little bit more kemp. We had an amazing time, walking in the rain, our feet soaked in the muddy pools along the way (my legs were ankle deep in mud), trekking to get a good view of the quary, spotting a snake and weird looking lizards, encountering a rooster I scared off by yelling "Chicky!!!" and seeing the 4 wild boars along the way :)

We only covered the western side of the island though because we were on foot and I was tired. Besides, we will explore the other areas next time. So we hopped on the bum boat out of ubin and into changi village where we ate nasi lemak...again (We had eaten the same thing before we left for ubin).

I'm glad I started off my 'hols' on a good note. I do want to stick to this habit of getting up early in the morning and doing some physical activity. Im trying my best to stay away from the embarrassingly slobish routine I find myself in whenever term break comes along- I'd sleep really late at night and wake up at 10 or 11 and then my life begins after 2pm-

Waking up early will mean I have more time to do things. Things! Oh how many things I have to do before sch starts. I wrote out an entire list of things to settle! Hopefully I can settle them all by the time Nudgie comes back from his vacation.

So what are your plans for dec?

END POST~10.05pm

ONE MORE.

Urgh.

EVO. (runs away)

END POST~11.16am

Exam's tmr and I'm not prepared. In a strange way, I dont care. I mean I care about doing well and doing my best but Im so sick of exams. The whole mugging and writing stuff examiners want to read so they know that I know whats going on and bla bla bla.

Boring, I tell you.

But nooooo, I have 3 more papers. Tmr, sat and next wed.

And so I havent been that motivated to mug. Ive been highly distracted by the littlest things.

I cant believe I used to be such a hardworking person. Yet this sem, Ive gotten lazy and complacent. I deserve what I get in the end. Sigh.

Anyway, that aside, my grandma's in ICU. So I went to see her this morn, despite my dad saying i can visit her after my exams. Oh no no no. I will not repeat the same mistake I made with my other grandma. I didnt visit her two yrs ago when she was in hosp because I had a test and I wanted to study for it first. I told my mom I'd see her the day after. But it was too late. She passed on.

So nenek looked so frail when I first saw her. Tubes sticking in and out of her and all. But then she started talking and stuff and we could joke with each other so Alhamdulillah, I think she's okay. Good thing my sis is on call tonight too. So at least she wont feel alone at night with my sis on watch.

Back to mugging. This one is for my grandma.

END POST~10.30am

Haha. I look so pro.

http://cardiovascularlab.googlepages.com/farahidujion

EXAMS!

Jason Wade has one of the most soothing voices on the face of the earth

I heart Lifehouse.

END POST~12.24pm

I am exhausted.

I am tired.

Now I understand why a psych thesis is worth 3 modules of credits. I just want to go home. Stay at home. And start mugging like everyone else.

But I have so much admin stuff to do. Im tired. Im at the point where I find some of my participants annoying and uncooperative. People. What goes around comes around. You wait until you have to do an IRP/ISM/thesis then you know.

Wah. Those peeps not doing psych Ht will prob get straight As la. Then again, they'd have to take more psych modules per sem than I do. So i guess sama sama in the end la.

TIRED. Come come participants. Join my lab study. Help farah. I give you chocolate.

END POST~5.44pm

I am going to blog about how small I feel living in this world. How it is that reading about things going on in the world can affect me to the point where I just stop reading about them altogether. I remember back in jc, I would dutifully read every article in the papers and elsewhere, well, because of Gp. I read them not because I was interested but because I had to. But that forced me to open my eyes. To see how blessed I am to live here. To be grateful for being raised here. And then I remember feeling upset about some issue of some sort happening abroad. I remember feeling so angry and that I wish someone could do something about it. I remember telling my sister about it and I vividly remember her reply "What can you do?". What could I do?

Resignation. Thats what I felt. And so, I sank into apathy.

Today I was flipping through newsweek and that same sentiment crept into me. That same, helpless desire to do something. Here I am. A uni student so self-absorbed in the drama of my life and yet out there...out there...

Then it hit me. We each have a responsibility to the world. All of us. But especially those of us deemed to be in the uppermost percentile of out population in terms of education. Those of us whom are supposed to be aware...Yet, what are we doing? Sitting in ivory towers, writing term papers about stuff going on, passively watching from the sidelines!

Yet, what can we do?

So here I am once again...I feel that fire in me subsiding as I type this..dissipating...

I'm sliding back into apathy.

Maybe I just shouldnt fight it.

It's easier.

END POST~4.20pm

I almost cried in class today. I was superbly disappointed because I worked so darn hard for my GLM assignment and I thought I really understood those chaps well. Yet I got the same grade as I did for the previous assignment in which I didnt put in much thought for.

Worse, everyone did better than before. The mean for the class for the previous two assignments were B. So great, I was on par with most people. Then for this final assignment, the freaking mean was like an A-. What the? So of course I felt crappy like a piece of gum stuck at the base of someone's shoe. And he had to return the assignments at the start of class. So you can imagine how I wasnt paying much attention.

It was only after one hour or so of wallowing in self-pity that I vowed to work harder than ever.

Dammit farah, time to really really mug.

And you know what song popped into my head? "I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down"

And then I was paying attention again :)

So know what? Alhamdulillah for that B. That assignment has definitely spurred me on. Woke me up. Reminded me to be humble again.

There's a reason for everything.

Insya-allah, I'll do ok for the exams.

END POST~4.50pm

I was watching the trailer for hellgate-london on youtube.

I WANT!

Ok, the trailer was super. But when I watched the in-game video, it was a bit...I dont know..messy? But I guess its supposed to be that way. Coolness. But I cant possibly get it now :( I mean I havent even completed F.E.A.R.

And most importantly, there's school. Bah. I shall resume all games after I grad. When nudgie's overseas and if I have nothing to do on weekends.

Sounds like a plan :)

END POST~1.49pm

OHHHHH!!!!!

Coolness! Now I can see anti-clockwise! But only when I cover my left eye! Which means to say that my right side of the brain is truly more dominant than my left!

:)

END POST~9.46pm

The right brain Vs Left brain test

I dont get it!!! Why do I see the ballerina spinning in the clockwise direction and not anti-clockwise?

Check this out!!! http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,22535838-5012895,00.html

Got this from zhisheng. So cool!

END POST~9.31pm

I was looking at dunman's website cos I needed to help mel with something. Then I chanced upon photos of teachers from each dept. I scanned each and every photo, looking out for familiar faces and I found a few. Its been 6 years, farah, of course the staff members would change. But the familiar ones in the pictures..each one of them jolted different anecdotes in my head..and then suddenly, I miss sec school.

The greatest times I had in my years of schooling :) Maybe uni comes in second for now. But sec school is...so familiar..so comforting...so lasting in memory.

I love Dunman Sec Sch and all the times I spent with the special people who made Dunman..Dunman. From those scary Sec 5s when I was sec 1 to those annoying sec 1s when I was sec 4..

:) Im smiling.

END POST~2.52am

Alhamdulillah!

Im going to start my with my females participants this week..AND AND AND as soon as Mon! And this is such such a good week to start because I dont have any assignment to rush through :)

Anyway, Najib and I went to the zoo today. We had so much fun, didnt we? Thanks b :)

END POST~1.08am

My final GLM assignment is due today. I'm still typing it out. ssince he didnt impose a dateline, I am assuming I should submit it by 5pm today.

Things are finally slowing down and Im loving every bit of it. Im getting the hang of my thesis stuff so I dont have to devote that much attention to it. It's almost become auto-pilot- like. Then there's the module load. I dont have anything due next week and the only thing left before the exams is the final evo quiz.

Then its off and away to the exam hall. Then off and away once again. This time, I'll be holing myself up in dec so I can finish half of my thesis write up before Jan.

:)

END POST~2.24pm

Hi friends,

Im helping my friend (Kim) out by looking for people interested in adopting a black cat called 'Snowy'. The cat needs a home and needs to be saved from AvA because apparently, the former will electrocute her for 6 hours before letting her die (Im not sure if this is genuinely true, but if it is, Oh My Gosh. like why would you do smt like that?! So cruel!) My friend has been taking care of the cat thus far till someone in her hostel complained and so now the cat needs some saving. Pictures of the cat can be found at http://pinkplushcushions.blogspot.com/

If youre interested or know someone who is, let me know asap and I'll relay the msg to her.

END POST~7.11pm

You know, after reading the Ridge, I really want to know how come all these while, arts students arent allowed to S/U their lang modules.

I mean WHAT THE HECK? why on earth was this policy made in the first place? Doesnt mean once youre in fass youre inherently good at ALL languages.

Stupid stupid admin people.

Is there any protests going on? I want to join. I want to S/U my freaking french mods man.

Anyway, Ive already joined this facebook group protesting the S/U thing. People, join the group as well ok? Its quite a rational, peaceful group of people..at least thats what ive gathered from reading the threads. Anyway, link to the group can be found on my facebook profile.

END POST~12.41pm

Lesson of the week: Laziness is not an excuse.

Yesterday, I dragged myself to class even though
1) I was unprepared
2) It was my only lesson
3) It was from 6 to 9pm
4) It was just presentations by other groups on readings I havent done

BUT Im glad I did because at least I listened and had an idea on what the readings are about. And apparently, the materials are examinable too.

Anyway, this week will see my final lab participants for this semester. Looks like my hopes of finishing my data collection for guys are dashed. I shall have to continue with them next year.

I have a counselling essay due this friday. Thankfully, its a group essay. Initially I was apprehensive about doing a group term essay cos well, how on earth would ideas flow? But I love love love my group because the guys are so hardworking. So much so that Im the slacker! I havent been the slacker since.....since I cant remember! I feel a little bad cos I havent been putting in much..so Im gonna make sure that my bit of the essay does justice to theirs AND Im gonna make sure that I edit it well :)

Ok, gotta prepare for my next participant :)

END POST~11.09am

Ah yes, I was going to give my personal take on the current debate about whether a certain law should be abolished. Oh bother. Now Im too lazy to type it out even though I came up with a pretty good post in my head.

But the crux of it is that we simple are not ready and quiet frankly, we may never be ready to revoke it. Does that justify the status quo? Hmm.

Is it fair to those who choose to have sexual habits that are different from the others? Definitely not.
Is it right for the state to trespass on the mate preferences of an individual? Definitely not.

The right to be different. Rights.

After all, if I choose to eat prata, it is my business isnt it? Because I have to fulfil my basic need to survive and I like prata.

But if I choose to kill and eat you, will that still be acceptable as my right to nutrition? An extreme example, I know.

Point is, levels of acceptability are defined by people. We dont eat one another cos we endanger our each and everyone's existence, and that is unacceptable unless we can agree on who we should or should not kill to eat ie, set boundaries. In any case, laws are erect to protect people from acts that fall outside these boundaries of acceptibility.

While same sex preferences does not cause harm (in fact, I feel harm is too unneccessarily harsh a word to use) to others directly, it causes discomfort to others and threatens their deep seated believes and schemas which are governed and manifested in 'moral' or religious doctrines.

So I understand why majority are rooting that the law in question remains. Cos they feel threatened.

But the thing is, must protection come with punishment? Should same sex couples be charged for commiting acts which fulfil their basic needs for emotional and sexual attachment?

The whole furor now came about because that law should have never been formally placed. People have indirect means of shunning an act and placing boundaries. But to punish and conform the needs of others is wrong, esp by the state.

But abolishing the law now is tantamount to sending the message that it is now acceptable ,when it isnt.

It isnt acceptable to people because they cannot reconcile it with their personal and/or collective views on it.

But it is also wrong to deny same sex couples the right to their needs.

What to do? I guess we must all first be tolerant and rational. That is the first step to understanding and the accepting. It took a long time before women had the right to education and blacks and whites could study in the same school.

Its going to take an even longer time for people to accept same sex couples. Discussing about sex itself was or maybe still is difficult and taboo because of the intimate, private and basic nature of it. Whats more to talk about sex preferences?

I say, keep the law for now. Educate the masses because I dont buy their 'disturbing the moral fabric' argument. Seems pretty airy fairy.
Educate. Then see how it goes in future.
Although I have a feeling the law's gonna stay for a very very long time.

Oh why cant people get along?

END POST~1.40pm

I was going to post something intelligent. And then I forgot what I wanted to say.

You know, I think my neurons are dying at an exponential rate. My memory is poorer and my absorption rate of new information is significantly slower than it was 2 years ago, and pathetic compared to what it was 10 years ago.

Am I the only one experiencing the effects of ageing at this point in my life? I'm actually quite afraid.

And frustrated.

END POST~12.43pm

I seriously have issues with failure.

Ive psychoanalysed myself. And this is what Ive found out so far. Im leaving the developmental/psychodynamic bit out first..

Anyway, my ultimate goal in life is to be happy and satisfied. In order to get there, I need to feel a sense of accomplishment..success in a nutshell. I define success to be realised when I get favourable outcomes of something which I put in effort in. Hence, if its something favourable which I get without putting effort, well, that isnt really success to me. That would be a bonus.

So because I want success and happiness so much, I want to put in as much effort as I can into things I do. But, because of this need for success and the need to put in all my energy into that something so I'll feel the satisfaction later, I get afraid that all my efforts will go to waste if the outcome isnt the one I want.

Hence I end up with maladaptive coping styles. Avoidance coping to be precise. Which would explain the 2 movies, shopping cum eating spree I had yesterday, and the raya open house I attended despite having something due this afternoon.

So now I know why I procrastinate and why I binge eat when Im stressed.

Still explaination does not equal justification.

Gosh, I need therapy.

END POST~11.17pm

My head is a thermostat

END POST~9.50pm

Im starting my lab experiments today! :)

Progress :) Insya-Allah, no hiccups.

END POST~12.57pm

Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar. La ilaaha il Allah Allahu akbar. Allah hu akbar Wa Lillaahi'lhamd..
Meaning: Allah is the greatest, Allah is the greatest, Allah is the greatest. There is no god worthy of worship except Allah. Allah is the greatest and all praise due to Allah.

The takbir Aidilfitri (above prayer) has never failed to cause a lump in my throat. For any muslim who hears the melodic reading of the takbir, Im quite sure a myriad of emotions will run through his/her veins. It marks the end of Ramadan. The holy month when the gates of heaven are open and that of hell, closed, with syaitan chained away. The month of introspection, the month of renewed faith. I was struggling to hold back my tears last night during break fast when the prayer came on the radio.

I felt a tinge of regret because this Ramadan hasnt been as fruitful as I wished I had made it out to be. For one, I was consumed by worldly affairs, grumbling about tests, datelines, work,etc. etc. I did not manage to read as much on my faith as I wanted to. I did not sembahyang terawih as often as I would like to. It was only towards the remaining days that I felt this indescribable feeling of blessed to be born Muslim. To be proud of who I am. In spite of the unfortunate misunderstandings of this beautiful religion.

I read the papers today and I felt a rush when I read how this boy read up on various religions and settled on Islam. Alhamdulillah. Now, dont get me wrong, I dont support evangelism at all. I dont believe in pushing people, cornering them into adopting a faith out of obligation or guilt. So, when I hear about people reading up on Islam by themselves, completely voluntary, and trying to understand it with a clear mind, I feel happy for them. Even if they dont end up Muslims, at least they had a thorough read about it :) Thats what the boy did. Good on him :)

The other thing I'll miss abt Ramadan will be the nightly dinners with my family. There's hardly any other period except Ramadan when everyone at home makes their darnest effort to break fast together, and then pray as a family.

Anyway, Insya-Allah, we'll get to experience the next Ramadan together :)

So, today's Hari Raya! :):):) As usual, my family winds up rushing to clean the house and stuff cos everyone's busy with work every other day. Everything's so last minute. Can you believe I was in the middle of scrubbing my toilet when aunty and family came over. So embarrasing. So cleaning and stuff was done by 2 plus. Then we slacked around and finally left home at 5pm. Haha! We managed to cover 4 houses today and I think that's it for me this year cos I have lots of work to finish.

In a nutshell, only 1 relative remarked abt me gaining weight (wohhoo!) and another said I lost weight (she must be short sighted) :) Overall, ok la..I enjoyed myself :)

Alright, its nearly midnight. I'll need to finish up some work before I sleep.

So, I just want to end this post by saying Eid Mubarak and Maaf zahir batin. If Ive offended anyone with my thoughts, words or actions, please accept my sincerest apologies, ya?

END POST~11.46pm

My first time submitting an assignment late.
Skipped counseling to finish it..Im glad I did!

Anyhoos, the bulk of deadlines are OVER~ :)

And can you believe its almost hari raya? This month's gone by so fast I can hardly keep up!

So anyway, something's happened to my face. See, I was trying to pretty myself for raya cos lately Ive had a couple of pimples. When Im stressed, i touch my face...a lot. So, i went and put oxy on my zits..maybe I put too much or smt because after I washed it off, my face started itching like crazy. And the itch was terrible.
Now, my skin's feeling tight and mighty dry andwhen i touch my face, i can feel the dryness..it feels.. scaly.

Sobs. I want my face back.

END POST~3.11pm

I have to complete a 2000 word essay by midnight. Which leaves me with abt 7 hours. My mind is blank.

Ive decided to hand in the thing late. Oh, Im gonna try to make the dateline. Otherwise, forget it. No point rushing and doing a crappy piece of crap-a-doodle -smoke- nonsense- waste- of- time- to- read-essay-shit, right?

I can do this. I just need to focus and narrow the scope of things.

My question? After changing my mind ever so many times?

" What would you regard as the most significant attribute separating humans from animals, and how might it have evolved?"

How can I not be philo about this? I hate philo. Darn evo.

I need a miracle.

END POST~4.40pm

I was supposed to be doing reseach for my evo essay today but I woke up feeling very lethargic. Props for getting up anyway considering I hadnt slept a wink on thurs cos I was preparing for friday's tests and assignment.

So instead, today was....Pamper Self Saturday :D

It all started with my sister asking me if I'd like to accompany her at the hairsalon. She was gonna treat herself after accomplishing something. I was reluctant at first because I was tired and I have a paper due on monday. Then, I decided, what the heck! Im feeling blah and I need a good deal of pampering.

So we booked an appointment at Icon-Shunji Matsuo because well, it sounded chic. But when we got there, it was packed and I didnt like the vibe. I mean, we were ushered into the crammed place and then because there werent enough seats, my sister and I would be seperated. I mean No Way! A visit to the hairsalon is an experience. Its not just the do thats important. Its the whole package! From ambience to company to service. So while no one was looking, I grabbed my sister and we left the salon and headed to One salon, an offshoot of Reds Hairdressing. The minute we stepped in, the service was impressive. The interior was nice too :) And the stylist was friendly and very very patient cos we kept asking him tonnes of questions and recommendations. In the end, my sister got herself straighter hair while I left, with 3 colors in my hair and having abt 3 inches of hair cut off. Style wise, I did ask him to do whatever he wanted with my hair, except chop it all off or anything shorter than my shoulders. I guess he did the best he could with the restrictions and because my type of hair. Ive been asking people if should get a fringe. The verdict is....no. Because my hair is too wavy/curly. So with the exception of the color and highlights, I look pretty much the same from the front. From the back however, the three colors are very distict. And apparently Im supposed to style and scrunge the hair at the back..but I suppose not combing it would be enough :)

So yup. Im happy. My wallet's burnt. But im happy.

Yay :)

END POST~12.16am

Hmm. I found out that the forensics test will consist of short ans qns and not mcq. Bummer.

Plus point of the day: I am falling in love with statistics again...oh, the joy of understanding the fundamentals behind concepts that people take at face value..oh..if i only had the time to leisurely read each chapter. Why, of course, I had to squander my break by hibernating.

I still have 36 hours so yippie.

I want a popcorn making machine. I was so close to persuading my mother into buying it 2 years ago when it was on sale for just 50 bucks but noo..my sister had to intervene. It was a mini machine. So cute.

I'm going to go hunting for it when this sem is through. I hope they still stock it :)

END POST~6.22pm

Evo psych quiz 1
Counselling mid term
GLM mid term
GLM assignment 2
Forensics Mid term
Evo term paper

I have finally woken up from my september slumber. Im finding it hard to breathe suddenly. i guess its because Ive received an email from my sup. Funny how my chest constricts and my blood pressure increases and i have this sudden rush of angst whenever i think of my ht but particularly when i think of that man. A big part of me wants to be benign and let go of all negativity and be zen. The other part wishes he'll keel over and die. And then run over by a truck a few times before an anvil drops onto him, extinguishing the very last breath left in his vile body. SIGH. I know. Such evil thoughts. I never thought i could type that all out and not feel a tinge of remorse and even felt...strangely contented. I guess im really numb la huh.

Anyway, hopefully, in a year's time I'll look back and laugh ruefully.

For now, Im still trying to ensure my zen-ish side prevails. I need to pray more. I need to purge my evil thoughts. I need to be forgiving of people's idiosyncracies. I need to let go.

It is bulan ramadan. I should be at peace. Should. Trying. Sigh.

Astagfirullah.What would the nabi do?

Breathe.



END POST~12.02am