I seriously have issues with failure.

Ive psychoanalysed myself. And this is what Ive found out so far. Im leaving the developmental/psychodynamic bit out first..

Anyway, my ultimate goal in life is to be happy and satisfied. In order to get there, I need to feel a sense of accomplishment..success in a nutshell. I define success to be realised when I get favourable outcomes of something which I put in effort in. Hence, if its something favourable which I get without putting effort, well, that isnt really success to me. That would be a bonus.

So because I want success and happiness so much, I want to put in as much effort as I can into things I do. But, because of this need for success and the need to put in all my energy into that something so I'll feel the satisfaction later, I get afraid that all my efforts will go to waste if the outcome isnt the one I want.

Hence I end up with maladaptive coping styles. Avoidance coping to be precise. Which would explain the 2 movies, shopping cum eating spree I had yesterday, and the raya open house I attended despite having something due this afternoon.

So now I know why I procrastinate and why I binge eat when Im stressed.

Still explaination does not equal justification.

Gosh, I need therapy.

END POST~11.17pm