I love intimate gatherings. I had such a lovely time the whole of yest :)

First with my dear winsthin who's ever so patient shopping with me!

Then with cheryl, jeannie, mel and amy! Which was rather impromptu, not only because it was an amy-mel thing but somehow the 3 of us joined in, but also cos I thought I wouldnt be able to make it. But I'm so glad I did! We met at tanjong pagar cos we're supposed to have dinner at tuckshop but they were having a private function so after walking along the 'questionable' streets of ...i'm not sure where, we ended up driving (thanks jeannie!) to arab st and having dinner at this dingy, shisha smelling place serving 'egyption' food, where we had a clear view of a half naked man watching a hindi show.

Last night was the first time ive met up with friends in ages. I'd really love to meet up with more, catching up and just forgetting about all the chores I need to do. But when? I'm almost already packed with stuff to do tmr and fri. And weekends are the days where I just want to sleep in and just slob at home.

Then next week, I have lab sessions.

Well, at least Im glad Im occupied. At least I wont feel like Im wasting my life, bumming around :)

I'm going to catch Enchanted with sumaiya later and then Im meeting Justina :)

Yay! Farah finally has a social life! Yippee!

END POST~11.23am

Things are progressing slowly, but surely :)

I've got 6 participants coming down for lab next week! I was expecting the worse but hurrah! Slowly...slowly....hopefully I can convince the others who havent replied to come down for my lab...IM DESPERATE! Boo.

And Im finally going to start on tonnes of data entry for the various sets of questionnaires I got my participants to fill in (N=approx 220)! Luckily, I've got help! So sweet you are!

Meeting my dear friend Winsthin-formerly-known-as-WinsTONNE in 45 mins time :P

I better run!

END POST~12.44pm

I am on the brink of tears. Ive been coming across websites after websites filled with pure hatred for Islam.

Such ignorance. What a pity. Even in the face of rational debate, people still behave like that. Gosh, dont they know that its only the few who has ruined everything?

Why do people hate us so much?

How can they generalise so easily..so uncaringly like that? And say vile things like that without understanding?

We're people too. We're each different from the other, just as anyone in the world is not the same person as the one beside him. So how can you ignore this fact that not every muslim are like those few who claim to be muslims and yet act otherwise?

Alhamdulillah I live in singapore. You should be too, you know. Despite the rising costs and what some of you may find to be a 'stifling' environment with a bad education system (which I vehemently disagree), you cannot deny that safety and tolerance is way better here than it can ever be anywhere else in the world.

So next time you want to complain, shuddup and be grateful for what you have as a Singaporean living in this mad mad world first.

Sigh. Im gonna watch heroes now.

END POST~9.59pm

Call me inefficient because I just took 5 hours writing my CV up. But that's cos I put a whole lot of love into it :)

END POST~8.47pm

I've busted my left foot. This is a sad but potent reminder to anyone not to exercise barefoot. Ever.

Today, I drove to school. I havent driven in ages so it felt good to be on the road but it was damn scary. I hate lane 1 drivers. Why must they be so bloody impatient? And how come people dont stick to the speed limit? I was minding my own business and this ass from behind (haha.ass..from behind..ok. nevermind), was tailgating me. He had plenty of opportunities to overtake me. I mean its saturday morn for goodness sake. Whats the bloody rush? If you arent happy, bite me. Overtake me for all I care. But no. He tailgated. Till finally, he overtook me and purposely jammed his break when he got in front of me and then sped off. Najib was in the passenger seat and he was so upset. He said that the driver did that on purpose to 'tell me' how slow i was. So Najib honked at the driver cos the driver was rude, aggressive and was plain bullying cos he prob thinks female drivers wont dare honk. Well. I guess that ass should know better by now. Because I WILL honk they next time people do that to me. It's my life you know. Jam breaking like that just because you are not happy with me is extremely immature and irresponsible. I should have noted his license plate no. Jerk.

Anyway, I am officially a lane 2 driver. I cant take it. Lane 1 people are too reckless.

That said, I drove ard campus running some errands after lab, then headed back home to return the car...in one piece :) Alhamdulillah.

Then went for an early dinner with najib..30th month anniversary :) we had chilli crab :) He had to go off before long as his flight was at 830. Sigh. He'll be back on the 19th but I miss him already. Loneliness likes to creep in at night, huh.

Went shopping with my sister. We havent had quality time together for some time so heh, with Najib away, its time to catch up. I must say, tamp mall and century sq has changed A LOT. And I love dressing my sister up. It's like Im shopping vicariously through her. My sister is very pretty, me thinks. She really stands out in any crowd. But she doesnt even know it :)

I think that mozzies are biting my feet as I type this. Itchyyyyyyy....

END POST~12.34am

My legs are aching! I went to pulau ubin with my darling today. He had never been to ubin before and I havent been there since sec 3. Think the last time I was there, I was having my npcc-atc camp :)
The place hasnt changed much as far as I can remember, thankfully. Although I find the place a little bit more kemp. We had an amazing time, walking in the rain, our feet soaked in the muddy pools along the way (my legs were ankle deep in mud), trekking to get a good view of the quary, spotting a snake and weird looking lizards, encountering a rooster I scared off by yelling "Chicky!!!" and seeing the 4 wild boars along the way :)

We only covered the western side of the island though because we were on foot and I was tired. Besides, we will explore the other areas next time. So we hopped on the bum boat out of ubin and into changi village where we ate nasi lemak...again (We had eaten the same thing before we left for ubin).

I'm glad I started off my 'hols' on a good note. I do want to stick to this habit of getting up early in the morning and doing some physical activity. Im trying my best to stay away from the embarrassingly slobish routine I find myself in whenever term break comes along- I'd sleep really late at night and wake up at 10 or 11 and then my life begins after 2pm-

Waking up early will mean I have more time to do things. Things! Oh how many things I have to do before sch starts. I wrote out an entire list of things to settle! Hopefully I can settle them all by the time Nudgie comes back from his vacation.

So what are your plans for dec?

END POST~10.05pm

ONE MORE.

Urgh.

EVO. (runs away)

END POST~11.16am

Exam's tmr and I'm not prepared. In a strange way, I dont care. I mean I care about doing well and doing my best but Im so sick of exams. The whole mugging and writing stuff examiners want to read so they know that I know whats going on and bla bla bla.

Boring, I tell you.

But nooooo, I have 3 more papers. Tmr, sat and next wed.

And so I havent been that motivated to mug. Ive been highly distracted by the littlest things.

I cant believe I used to be such a hardworking person. Yet this sem, Ive gotten lazy and complacent. I deserve what I get in the end. Sigh.

Anyway, that aside, my grandma's in ICU. So I went to see her this morn, despite my dad saying i can visit her after my exams. Oh no no no. I will not repeat the same mistake I made with my other grandma. I didnt visit her two yrs ago when she was in hosp because I had a test and I wanted to study for it first. I told my mom I'd see her the day after. But it was too late. She passed on.

So nenek looked so frail when I first saw her. Tubes sticking in and out of her and all. But then she started talking and stuff and we could joke with each other so Alhamdulillah, I think she's okay. Good thing my sis is on call tonight too. So at least she wont feel alone at night with my sis on watch.

Back to mugging. This one is for my grandma.

END POST~10.30am

Haha. I look so pro.

http://cardiovascularlab.googlepages.com/farahidujion

EXAMS!

Jason Wade has one of the most soothing voices on the face of the earth

I heart Lifehouse.

END POST~12.24pm

I am exhausted.

I am tired.

Now I understand why a psych thesis is worth 3 modules of credits. I just want to go home. Stay at home. And start mugging like everyone else.

But I have so much admin stuff to do. Im tired. Im at the point where I find some of my participants annoying and uncooperative. People. What goes around comes around. You wait until you have to do an IRP/ISM/thesis then you know.

Wah. Those peeps not doing psych Ht will prob get straight As la. Then again, they'd have to take more psych modules per sem than I do. So i guess sama sama in the end la.

TIRED. Come come participants. Join my lab study. Help farah. I give you chocolate.

END POST~5.44pm

I am going to blog about how small I feel living in this world. How it is that reading about things going on in the world can affect me to the point where I just stop reading about them altogether. I remember back in jc, I would dutifully read every article in the papers and elsewhere, well, because of Gp. I read them not because I was interested but because I had to. But that forced me to open my eyes. To see how blessed I am to live here. To be grateful for being raised here. And then I remember feeling upset about some issue of some sort happening abroad. I remember feeling so angry and that I wish someone could do something about it. I remember telling my sister about it and I vividly remember her reply "What can you do?". What could I do?

Resignation. Thats what I felt. And so, I sank into apathy.

Today I was flipping through newsweek and that same sentiment crept into me. That same, helpless desire to do something. Here I am. A uni student so self-absorbed in the drama of my life and yet out there...out there...

Then it hit me. We each have a responsibility to the world. All of us. But especially those of us deemed to be in the uppermost percentile of out population in terms of education. Those of us whom are supposed to be aware...Yet, what are we doing? Sitting in ivory towers, writing term papers about stuff going on, passively watching from the sidelines!

Yet, what can we do?

So here I am once again...I feel that fire in me subsiding as I type this..dissipating...

I'm sliding back into apathy.

Maybe I just shouldnt fight it.

It's easier.

END POST~4.20pm

I almost cried in class today. I was superbly disappointed because I worked so darn hard for my GLM assignment and I thought I really understood those chaps well. Yet I got the same grade as I did for the previous assignment in which I didnt put in much thought for.

Worse, everyone did better than before. The mean for the class for the previous two assignments were B. So great, I was on par with most people. Then for this final assignment, the freaking mean was like an A-. What the? So of course I felt crappy like a piece of gum stuck at the base of someone's shoe. And he had to return the assignments at the start of class. So you can imagine how I wasnt paying much attention.

It was only after one hour or so of wallowing in self-pity that I vowed to work harder than ever.

Dammit farah, time to really really mug.

And you know what song popped into my head? "I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down"

And then I was paying attention again :)

So know what? Alhamdulillah for that B. That assignment has definitely spurred me on. Woke me up. Reminded me to be humble again.

There's a reason for everything.

Insya-allah, I'll do ok for the exams.

END POST~4.50pm

I was watching the trailer for hellgate-london on youtube.

I WANT!

Ok, the trailer was super. But when I watched the in-game video, it was a bit...I dont know..messy? But I guess its supposed to be that way. Coolness. But I cant possibly get it now :( I mean I havent even completed F.E.A.R.

And most importantly, there's school. Bah. I shall resume all games after I grad. When nudgie's overseas and if I have nothing to do on weekends.

Sounds like a plan :)

END POST~1.49pm

OHHHHH!!!!!

Coolness! Now I can see anti-clockwise! But only when I cover my left eye! Which means to say that my right side of the brain is truly more dominant than my left!

:)

END POST~9.46pm

The right brain Vs Left brain test

I dont get it!!! Why do I see the ballerina spinning in the clockwise direction and not anti-clockwise?

Check this out!!! http://www.news.com.au/dailytelegraph/story/0,22049,22535838-5012895,00.html

Got this from zhisheng. So cool!

END POST~9.31pm

I was looking at dunman's website cos I needed to help mel with something. Then I chanced upon photos of teachers from each dept. I scanned each and every photo, looking out for familiar faces and I found a few. Its been 6 years, farah, of course the staff members would change. But the familiar ones in the pictures..each one of them jolted different anecdotes in my head..and then suddenly, I miss sec school.

The greatest times I had in my years of schooling :) Maybe uni comes in second for now. But sec school is...so familiar..so comforting...so lasting in memory.

I love Dunman Sec Sch and all the times I spent with the special people who made Dunman..Dunman. From those scary Sec 5s when I was sec 1 to those annoying sec 1s when I was sec 4..

:) Im smiling.

END POST~2.52am

Alhamdulillah!

Im going to start my with my females participants this week..AND AND AND as soon as Mon! And this is such such a good week to start because I dont have any assignment to rush through :)

Anyway, Najib and I went to the zoo today. We had so much fun, didnt we? Thanks b :)

END POST~1.08am

My final GLM assignment is due today. I'm still typing it out. ssince he didnt impose a dateline, I am assuming I should submit it by 5pm today.

Things are finally slowing down and Im loving every bit of it. Im getting the hang of my thesis stuff so I dont have to devote that much attention to it. It's almost become auto-pilot- like. Then there's the module load. I dont have anything due next week and the only thing left before the exams is the final evo quiz.

Then its off and away to the exam hall. Then off and away once again. This time, I'll be holing myself up in dec so I can finish half of my thesis write up before Jan.

:)

END POST~2.24pm

Hi friends,

Im helping my friend (Kim) out by looking for people interested in adopting a black cat called 'Snowy'. The cat needs a home and needs to be saved from AvA because apparently, the former will electrocute her for 6 hours before letting her die (Im not sure if this is genuinely true, but if it is, Oh My Gosh. like why would you do smt like that?! So cruel!) My friend has been taking care of the cat thus far till someone in her hostel complained and so now the cat needs some saving. Pictures of the cat can be found at http://pinkplushcushions.blogspot.com/

If youre interested or know someone who is, let me know asap and I'll relay the msg to her.

END POST~7.11pm

You know, after reading the Ridge, I really want to know how come all these while, arts students arent allowed to S/U their lang modules.

I mean WHAT THE HECK? why on earth was this policy made in the first place? Doesnt mean once youre in fass youre inherently good at ALL languages.

Stupid stupid admin people.

Is there any protests going on? I want to join. I want to S/U my freaking french mods man.

Anyway, Ive already joined this facebook group protesting the S/U thing. People, join the group as well ok? Its quite a rational, peaceful group of people..at least thats what ive gathered from reading the threads. Anyway, link to the group can be found on my facebook profile.

END POST~12.41pm

Lesson of the week: Laziness is not an excuse.

Yesterday, I dragged myself to class even though
1) I was unprepared
2) It was my only lesson
3) It was from 6 to 9pm
4) It was just presentations by other groups on readings I havent done

BUT Im glad I did because at least I listened and had an idea on what the readings are about. And apparently, the materials are examinable too.

Anyway, this week will see my final lab participants for this semester. Looks like my hopes of finishing my data collection for guys are dashed. I shall have to continue with them next year.

I have a counselling essay due this friday. Thankfully, its a group essay. Initially I was apprehensive about doing a group term essay cos well, how on earth would ideas flow? But I love love love my group because the guys are so hardworking. So much so that Im the slacker! I havent been the slacker since.....since I cant remember! I feel a little bad cos I havent been putting in much..so Im gonna make sure that my bit of the essay does justice to theirs AND Im gonna make sure that I edit it well :)

Ok, gotta prepare for my next participant :)

END POST~11.09am

Ah yes, I was going to give my personal take on the current debate about whether a certain law should be abolished. Oh bother. Now Im too lazy to type it out even though I came up with a pretty good post in my head.

But the crux of it is that we simple are not ready and quiet frankly, we may never be ready to revoke it. Does that justify the status quo? Hmm.

Is it fair to those who choose to have sexual habits that are different from the others? Definitely not.
Is it right for the state to trespass on the mate preferences of an individual? Definitely not.

The right to be different. Rights.

After all, if I choose to eat prata, it is my business isnt it? Because I have to fulfil my basic need to survive and I like prata.

But if I choose to kill and eat you, will that still be acceptable as my right to nutrition? An extreme example, I know.

Point is, levels of acceptability are defined by people. We dont eat one another cos we endanger our each and everyone's existence, and that is unacceptable unless we can agree on who we should or should not kill to eat ie, set boundaries. In any case, laws are erect to protect people from acts that fall outside these boundaries of acceptibility.

While same sex preferences does not cause harm (in fact, I feel harm is too unneccessarily harsh a word to use) to others directly, it causes discomfort to others and threatens their deep seated believes and schemas which are governed and manifested in 'moral' or religious doctrines.

So I understand why majority are rooting that the law in question remains. Cos they feel threatened.

But the thing is, must protection come with punishment? Should same sex couples be charged for commiting acts which fulfil their basic needs for emotional and sexual attachment?

The whole furor now came about because that law should have never been formally placed. People have indirect means of shunning an act and placing boundaries. But to punish and conform the needs of others is wrong, esp by the state.

But abolishing the law now is tantamount to sending the message that it is now acceptable ,when it isnt.

It isnt acceptable to people because they cannot reconcile it with their personal and/or collective views on it.

But it is also wrong to deny same sex couples the right to their needs.

What to do? I guess we must all first be tolerant and rational. That is the first step to understanding and the accepting. It took a long time before women had the right to education and blacks and whites could study in the same school.

Its going to take an even longer time for people to accept same sex couples. Discussing about sex itself was or maybe still is difficult and taboo because of the intimate, private and basic nature of it. Whats more to talk about sex preferences?

I say, keep the law for now. Educate the masses because I dont buy their 'disturbing the moral fabric' argument. Seems pretty airy fairy.
Educate. Then see how it goes in future.
Although I have a feeling the law's gonna stay for a very very long time.

Oh why cant people get along?

END POST~1.40pm

I was going to post something intelligent. And then I forgot what I wanted to say.

You know, I think my neurons are dying at an exponential rate. My memory is poorer and my absorption rate of new information is significantly slower than it was 2 years ago, and pathetic compared to what it was 10 years ago.

Am I the only one experiencing the effects of ageing at this point in my life? I'm actually quite afraid.

And frustrated.

END POST~12.43pm

I seriously have issues with failure.

Ive psychoanalysed myself. And this is what Ive found out so far. Im leaving the developmental/psychodynamic bit out first..

Anyway, my ultimate goal in life is to be happy and satisfied. In order to get there, I need to feel a sense of accomplishment..success in a nutshell. I define success to be realised when I get favourable outcomes of something which I put in effort in. Hence, if its something favourable which I get without putting effort, well, that isnt really success to me. That would be a bonus.

So because I want success and happiness so much, I want to put in as much effort as I can into things I do. But, because of this need for success and the need to put in all my energy into that something so I'll feel the satisfaction later, I get afraid that all my efforts will go to waste if the outcome isnt the one I want.

Hence I end up with maladaptive coping styles. Avoidance coping to be precise. Which would explain the 2 movies, shopping cum eating spree I had yesterday, and the raya open house I attended despite having something due this afternoon.

So now I know why I procrastinate and why I binge eat when Im stressed.

Still explaination does not equal justification.

Gosh, I need therapy.

END POST~11.17pm

My head is a thermostat

END POST~9.50pm

Im starting my lab experiments today! :)

Progress :) Insya-Allah, no hiccups.

END POST~12.57pm

Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar, Allahu akbar. La ilaaha il Allah Allahu akbar. Allah hu akbar Wa Lillaahi'lhamd..
Meaning: Allah is the greatest, Allah is the greatest, Allah is the greatest. There is no god worthy of worship except Allah. Allah is the greatest and all praise due to Allah.

The takbir Aidilfitri (above prayer) has never failed to cause a lump in my throat. For any muslim who hears the melodic reading of the takbir, Im quite sure a myriad of emotions will run through his/her veins. It marks the end of Ramadan. The holy month when the gates of heaven are open and that of hell, closed, with syaitan chained away. The month of introspection, the month of renewed faith. I was struggling to hold back my tears last night during break fast when the prayer came on the radio.

I felt a tinge of regret because this Ramadan hasnt been as fruitful as I wished I had made it out to be. For one, I was consumed by worldly affairs, grumbling about tests, datelines, work,etc. etc. I did not manage to read as much on my faith as I wanted to. I did not sembahyang terawih as often as I would like to. It was only towards the remaining days that I felt this indescribable feeling of blessed to be born Muslim. To be proud of who I am. In spite of the unfortunate misunderstandings of this beautiful religion.

I read the papers today and I felt a rush when I read how this boy read up on various religions and settled on Islam. Alhamdulillah. Now, dont get me wrong, I dont support evangelism at all. I dont believe in pushing people, cornering them into adopting a faith out of obligation or guilt. So, when I hear about people reading up on Islam by themselves, completely voluntary, and trying to understand it with a clear mind, I feel happy for them. Even if they dont end up Muslims, at least they had a thorough read about it :) Thats what the boy did. Good on him :)

The other thing I'll miss abt Ramadan will be the nightly dinners with my family. There's hardly any other period except Ramadan when everyone at home makes their darnest effort to break fast together, and then pray as a family.

Anyway, Insya-Allah, we'll get to experience the next Ramadan together :)

So, today's Hari Raya! :):):) As usual, my family winds up rushing to clean the house and stuff cos everyone's busy with work every other day. Everything's so last minute. Can you believe I was in the middle of scrubbing my toilet when aunty and family came over. So embarrasing. So cleaning and stuff was done by 2 plus. Then we slacked around and finally left home at 5pm. Haha! We managed to cover 4 houses today and I think that's it for me this year cos I have lots of work to finish.

In a nutshell, only 1 relative remarked abt me gaining weight (wohhoo!) and another said I lost weight (she must be short sighted) :) Overall, ok la..I enjoyed myself :)

Alright, its nearly midnight. I'll need to finish up some work before I sleep.

So, I just want to end this post by saying Eid Mubarak and Maaf zahir batin. If Ive offended anyone with my thoughts, words or actions, please accept my sincerest apologies, ya?

END POST~11.46pm

My first time submitting an assignment late.
Skipped counseling to finish it..Im glad I did!

Anyhoos, the bulk of deadlines are OVER~ :)

And can you believe its almost hari raya? This month's gone by so fast I can hardly keep up!

So anyway, something's happened to my face. See, I was trying to pretty myself for raya cos lately Ive had a couple of pimples. When Im stressed, i touch my face...a lot. So, i went and put oxy on my zits..maybe I put too much or smt because after I washed it off, my face started itching like crazy. And the itch was terrible.
Now, my skin's feeling tight and mighty dry andwhen i touch my face, i can feel the dryness..it feels.. scaly.

Sobs. I want my face back.

END POST~3.11pm

I have to complete a 2000 word essay by midnight. Which leaves me with abt 7 hours. My mind is blank.

Ive decided to hand in the thing late. Oh, Im gonna try to make the dateline. Otherwise, forget it. No point rushing and doing a crappy piece of crap-a-doodle -smoke- nonsense- waste- of- time- to- read-essay-shit, right?

I can do this. I just need to focus and narrow the scope of things.

My question? After changing my mind ever so many times?

" What would you regard as the most significant attribute separating humans from animals, and how might it have evolved?"

How can I not be philo about this? I hate philo. Darn evo.

I need a miracle.

END POST~4.40pm

I was supposed to be doing reseach for my evo essay today but I woke up feeling very lethargic. Props for getting up anyway considering I hadnt slept a wink on thurs cos I was preparing for friday's tests and assignment.

So instead, today was....Pamper Self Saturday :D

It all started with my sister asking me if I'd like to accompany her at the hairsalon. She was gonna treat herself after accomplishing something. I was reluctant at first because I was tired and I have a paper due on monday. Then, I decided, what the heck! Im feeling blah and I need a good deal of pampering.

So we booked an appointment at Icon-Shunji Matsuo because well, it sounded chic. But when we got there, it was packed and I didnt like the vibe. I mean, we were ushered into the crammed place and then because there werent enough seats, my sister and I would be seperated. I mean No Way! A visit to the hairsalon is an experience. Its not just the do thats important. Its the whole package! From ambience to company to service. So while no one was looking, I grabbed my sister and we left the salon and headed to One salon, an offshoot of Reds Hairdressing. The minute we stepped in, the service was impressive. The interior was nice too :) And the stylist was friendly and very very patient cos we kept asking him tonnes of questions and recommendations. In the end, my sister got herself straighter hair while I left, with 3 colors in my hair and having abt 3 inches of hair cut off. Style wise, I did ask him to do whatever he wanted with my hair, except chop it all off or anything shorter than my shoulders. I guess he did the best he could with the restrictions and because my type of hair. Ive been asking people if should get a fringe. The verdict is....no. Because my hair is too wavy/curly. So with the exception of the color and highlights, I look pretty much the same from the front. From the back however, the three colors are very distict. And apparently Im supposed to style and scrunge the hair at the back..but I suppose not combing it would be enough :)

So yup. Im happy. My wallet's burnt. But im happy.

Yay :)

END POST~12.16am

Hmm. I found out that the forensics test will consist of short ans qns and not mcq. Bummer.

Plus point of the day: I am falling in love with statistics again...oh, the joy of understanding the fundamentals behind concepts that people take at face value..oh..if i only had the time to leisurely read each chapter. Why, of course, I had to squander my break by hibernating.

I still have 36 hours so yippie.

I want a popcorn making machine. I was so close to persuading my mother into buying it 2 years ago when it was on sale for just 50 bucks but noo..my sister had to intervene. It was a mini machine. So cute.

I'm going to go hunting for it when this sem is through. I hope they still stock it :)

END POST~6.22pm

Evo psych quiz 1
Counselling mid term
GLM mid term
GLM assignment 2
Forensics Mid term
Evo term paper

I have finally woken up from my september slumber. Im finding it hard to breathe suddenly. i guess its because Ive received an email from my sup. Funny how my chest constricts and my blood pressure increases and i have this sudden rush of angst whenever i think of my ht but particularly when i think of that man. A big part of me wants to be benign and let go of all negativity and be zen. The other part wishes he'll keel over and die. And then run over by a truck a few times before an anvil drops onto him, extinguishing the very last breath left in his vile body. SIGH. I know. Such evil thoughts. I never thought i could type that all out and not feel a tinge of remorse and even felt...strangely contented. I guess im really numb la huh.

Anyway, hopefully, in a year's time I'll look back and laugh ruefully.

For now, Im still trying to ensure my zen-ish side prevails. I need to pray more. I need to purge my evil thoughts. I need to be forgiving of people's idiosyncracies. I need to let go.

It is bulan ramadan. I should be at peace. Should. Trying. Sigh.

Astagfirullah.What would the nabi do?

Breathe.



END POST~12.02am

I'd just like to share the following site with everyone. Please, give it a chance and spare some of your time. View with an open mind. Open.

http://ummahfilms.blogspot.com/2007/07/its-here-ummah-films-season-2-finale.html

END POST~1.17pm

Whine. Whine. Whine.

I am screwed. screw-ed. ARGH!!!!!!!

Its friday. Friday. I have spent one whole bloody week doing nothing productive except my thesis stuff. OH MY GOSH. I have mid term papers on Monday, Tuesday and 2 papers plus an assignment due on Friday.

ALAMAK!!!!!!!!!!

Why, of all the times in the world, must I have irregular sleep patterns?

I can do this. I have time. I can salvage whats left of the week and start mugging...

Im in school now. Gonna settle some lab stuff. Then gonna start on counselling readings. MUST finish counselling readings by today.

Insya-allah.

END POST~11.30am

Evidence of real procrastination (got this from vemalan's blog) :

I AM
64%
OPTIMUS PRIME
Take the Transformers Quiz



END POST

Found out a sec school friend of mine got engaged recently. I wasnt invited. Mixed feelings about it. At first I was a bit sad and felt left out because another friend got invited and I didnt. Then I realised that I was being plain silly. For one, its an engagement, and only close friends and family are invited. Im not that close la so its understandable. I guess all we shared was a CCA. Anyway, I am happy for her :) A new phase in life. I kinda always knew she'd be the first few friends to get hitched!

Who's next? Ade? :P

PS: procratination. thou art my friend...again.
END POST~11.50am

Who am I kidding?
There's so much shit in my head.
Everyone keep telling me take things one thing at a time. How can I when everything is swarming and swirling in my head.

Thesis is time consuming. I just want to sit down and read my textbook (for other mods) dammit.

Yes, farah cannot time manage.

Bad bad bad bad bad day. I want to be optimistic but......

*Clench fists*Grit teeth*Chew tongue/gums*

END POST~8.55pm

This is insane! I came home two hours ago and Im still not showered and its nearly 1am.

Haha, remind me never to go on facebook at night. Im finally getting the hang of it. AND I just created a group! NUS Psychology. Heh. I figured that someone had to get the ball rolling...so please, if youre a psych major, join join join!

I had a really cool lab session for forensics early this evening. Fingerprinting! Heh, felt like those Csi people, dusting for fingerprints and all.

Ive also finally ended a segment of data collection so phew :) :) :) All thats left will be the lab sessions for the guys, the 2 online follow ups and lab sessions for females and Im done for data collection. Im hoping to finish the guys by end of Oct while for the females, hopefully by January next year. Meanwhile, I should be done with my lit review and methodology in Dec . Then in Feb, I'll do my data analysis and then finish writing my thesis by March. If insya-allah, my target schedule goes acc to plan, I think I can at least have 2 weeks or so to edit the final product twice or more. :) Insya- Allah.

Also, many thanks to Yunxian and Pema for helping me out over the past couple of days despite the fact that you guys are busy. I love you! :) So lucky to have you as my friend. You have no idea how much your time meant to me. HUGS. Of course to Jeannie as well..dont know if you realise it but the lift to school in the mornings has been so so so timely. I really needed them esp over the past couple of weeks.

And yes! Today I bumped into familiar faces in school. It feels so warm and fuzzy to see people I know..and people who kinda 'grew' up w me in nus. School really hasnt been the same since people started disappearing from the table. Its quite sad. Everyones too busy. But know what? I'll try to plant myself there more often. See how it goes..maybe someone just needs to initiate :) And on the plus side, now that there's not many ppl, one can actually study at the table!

Ok. Off to shower. Late. Its been a long week. Welcome, mid-sem break. (omg. so fast)

END POST~12.59am

169/200 females. 42/100 males.

Jeannie drove me to school today:) So im super early. But its okay, at least I can quickly settle stuff and head home. Im in slob wear today. Can you believe Im wearing track pants to school? Im sick of wearing heavy jeans. Heh, I wear this slacks when im going to ntuc near my house or when I gym and Im too lazy to shave my legs. Anyway, so what. People wear more slack stuff than me anyway. Ahh..so comfy. I need to get myself more of these.

Besides, I'll be holed up in the Psych Soc room stapling my questionnaires.

Yep. I came all the way to school to staple 300+ sets of questionnaires. I'm so thankful to kweeting cos she's allowed me to store nearly 4500 pages of paper in the room. Phew. I love kweeting. I'll really blanja you ice cream la k?

Speaking of kweeting, where is she...need to get the keys from her so i can start!

Oh yes, is anyone willing to be my lab-rat? I need to practice hooking up the equipment to someone and quite possibly do several dry runs. Its non-invasive, I promise. I'll probably book the labs during term break...please.......

END POST~9.40am

Why have I not blogged? I guess its always the same old things over and over again huh? My anxieties with school, yadda yadda yadda. Is that interesting? Interesting or not, who cares? Im gonna blog abt them anyway :P Haha. So redundant asking the previous question right?hee... Im in a la-di-dah kinda mood right now.

So, my research has started full swing. Over the past week Ive been obsessively checking the online research participant sign up sheet to see if Ive reached my target number of participants. As of now, I have 128 out of 200 females and an abysmal number of males..35 our of the 100 I need. Come on guys...sign up!!!

That aside, the fasting month started a 4 days ago last Thursday and I dont know why, but I feel more at peace with myself and the world. All my anxieties about dateline and thesis and stuff doesnt seem so significant when I think about the big picture. Academics is only a small part of life. And whats important is that I do my best in everything I do. The rest is truly up to Allah. I need to keep reminding myself about this. The more I let go of things I cannot control, the more I pray and submit to God, the less anxious I feel...and the more satisfied I'd feel with whatever life hits me with. After all, everything, good and bad, comes from Allah, doesnt it? :) Everything in life. Who I am today. What I have around me. Alhamdullillah.

I really need to let go and stop fussing and worrying abt the snowballed consequences of everything I do. I was talking to Najib the other day and it hit me. The reason why I feel so pressured to perform is because I dont want to let the people who entrusted me with certain responsibilities/expectations to be let down. Good and bad, I suppose. At least that drives me. One does need motivation in life.

And so, mine is : Do the best in everything you do, put in all that you can, then leave the rest to God. Whatever the results may be, always say Alhamdulillah. Never feel anger, jealousy nor pride. What matters is that having done everything you can, you should feel satisfied. :)

I need to keep reminding myself about this. But even as I type this, it seems harder than it seems.

Anyhoos, now that its fasting month, I'll also spend less time eating so that should pretty much free up my time to mug.Oooh, Im trying to factor in my new fav activity other than eating: running :) Think i'll run after breaking my fast. :)

Speaking of run, Ive put off blogging abt my shape run last sunday cos I was waiting for the pic to come out. It has but I cant seem to put pics on blogger without having it appear above my text. The run was fantastic. My first. My sis and I were running alongside each other and when we reached the finish line, we held hands :) We did it together. We trained and we ran. Yay. And and and, I'm so proud of us because we ran non-stop. Having never run 5 km prior to signing up for the run, we've come a long long way. Now, when I go jogging, I dont run below 5k anymore because its psychological la. Because its become very do-able :)

I'm thinking 10k by next year. Insya-Allah.

END POST~1.33pm

I just received this from my cousin today! Welcome to the world baby Ariel :)

END POST~12.18am

Why is it my seniors who have taken GLM think its manageable? It so difficult! YIKES.

So much admin work to do before I can start collecting my data.

AND AND AND, its Sept already! Gosh. How time flies.

END POST~8.58pm

APPROVED!!!!!!!!!!!

Ethics has approved my study! Im finally going to start on my thesis!

Wohoooooooo :) :) :)

Alhamdulillah!

END POST~11.23am

Oh yea, I was in counselling class the other day when i had this strong sudden urge to color/highlight my hair.

I'm feeling the urge again. Black, with red/purple streaks. It'll grow away by early next year when I'll dye it back to the color I have now, so it'll look 'normal' again by commencement.

Sound perfect. Someone stop me.

END POST~3.50pm

I've been somewhat putting my life on whole with regard to school stuff because Ive been hanging on to the notion that I'll miraculously get a room on campus. I think its well about time that I move on. I just received a reply from the housing people and they've already sent out the first batch of re-allocated rooms to the wait list applicants. Cue: Wheres mine?

So obviously, I didnt get la. I mean why would people apply for the wait list only to reject it once they get a room? Doesnt make sense. So, as much as I want a formal rejection letter from them so I can cleanly move on, I'm going to move on anyway.

And I'm going to make this work.

I have an inkling that the ethics com is going to get back to me very soon. After all, I received an email from him 2 days ago saying that he needed to clear things up with them..and I dont know how, but Im having a good feeling about it..
Also, he's asked me if I wanted a student helper to aid me in data analysis so I'll be able to still use the time when I have classes to conduct experiments. So cool. Of course I said yes. Any help is better than no help.

Wow. I cant believe this is going to really happen. Me, an experimenter! Insya-Allah of course, it'll get approved as soon as possible so I may begin my study....

I had my first grp presentation on tues..I guess we didnt really live up to his warp idea of 'participation' among group members. Ours was formal and hassle free. Which is ideal to us I guess. BUT, he apparently wants hassle and fumbles so he can see teamwork among the groupmates, as in, if I fumble and someone from my grp jumps in to help me out, we get higher pts. If there's a technical glitch and we all worry together, we get higher pts. What the?

Whatever la ah. Its done so Im glad. And I think we did our best! :)

Ran 5 k yest morn! Wohoo! :) Heres to a fat-fit me.

END POST~12.11pm

Im feeling annoyed right now because Im fed up with the current state of the online forum for my forensics module.

Everyone is clamouring for participation points so much so that the standards of the posts are getting lower with every post. The forum is plagued with irrelevant posts, threads with no link, and worse plain regurgitation with only the slightest hint of paraphrasing of what the previous person had already said. I'm disgusted.

Then there's evo psych forum which is so bloody cheem you wonder if these people have already read 100 books on evo psych or smt. How come the people who post stuff are so wide read and the people who reply them understand them. How come I dont? I feel so darn stupid la. Urgh. I should really post smt intelligent by the end of this week!

I really really feel so dumb ever since school started.

Boo. Yr 4 is not fun at all.

And last fri, i realise that yr 4 can be pretty lonely too. Other than your friends you hang out with, the others seem to not give a shit about you. Like they're so absorbed in trying to understand the materials themselves till they dont share or willingly share with you when you dont understand. And they're all freaking muggers.

Thats it. That IS IT. I have had enough.

Watch out! Here I come...Full speed ahead!

END POST~10.08am

Gonna sleep on the couch tonight cos my nenek's around. While I may gripe about giving my bed up to her each time she comes, when she finally arrives and I salam her and see her and when she says "I love you" in the adorable way that she does (she says it in a sing-song manner and in English), I cant help but melt. Whats my bed for a couple of nights anyway? I love my nenek. She deserves the best. And yes, I think my bed is the best one around :)

Ran 4k today. At least I ran. So im happy about that. I also finally tried fried mars bars that people have been raving about. Ok la. It just tastes like goreng pisang flour coating the mars bars. Nothing fantastic but Najib seems to like it so much that he tried making it at home himself. I know. Run then eat chocolate. So what? At least I ran.

Week 2 of school and people are so on the ball it scares me. Yr 4 is so much more diff than I expected it to be. Slackers dont seem to exist anymore. ARGH. And its wk 2 only yet I feel so guilty for not doing as much work as I ought to.

Going to sch tmr despite it being my free day cos I have a form to submit. 3 hours of travel to submit a form.

Also, I've been asked to post the following question and so Ive decided to start it as a series/segment on my blog. Heee..Its called....

Far's questions about life, the world and the universe #1
1) Why was there a long hiatus before mcdonalds brought back the milkshake to spore?
2)

Ok. There was another bugging qn on my mind but I cant remember...Stay tuned for more of Far's qns abt life, the world and the universe!!!

END POST~11.53pm

Have I mentioned I bought myself a new pair of running shoes recently? Acc Najib, popular brands like nike/addidas aren't that great. They're just popular cos well, a lot of ads go into them. Apparently, the good ones are Asics and Saucony (and maybe new balance although friends have told me NB wears quickly) And true enough, search runnersworld.com and these are the 2 brands runners recommend :)

So I bought Asics because I searched all of queenstown for saucony and only found one little shop selling it after I bought my asics. Anyway, I have to say, its not at all as pretty as the range for the other two brands but ok la, Ive come to the point where all I want is good support for my feet and durability.

And so far, I've run quite a bit! Ran the reservoir on sunday, hit the gym on tues and did 5k (first time in my life i did that non-stop and at a decent pace) and then yest I did a recovery run of 3k at a faster pace :)
I have finally found a hobby! Running :) It's actually quite fun once you've run past the first km or so..it's like your legs just gain momentum and you just wanna keep going :) Of course, having pumping music plugged to your ears helps.

I feel like running again today..or am I pushing too much? 3 days in a row? Hmm.

Strange thing though: How come when Im at the peak of my fatness, Im also sort of approaching the peak of my fitness (given if i continue with this)? So so very strange.

Aside: Why do people come up virus/worms/etc? Anybody knows how to get rid of the img1756 file that was passed on msn a last week? I think its called the IRC-Worm/Delf.CF.

GRRR...

END POST~1.54pm

Yesterday I came home at 10.45pm and I realise that maybe I should apply for a hostel after all. Especially since like Im so drained after lects alone..imagine if I have deadlines!

Yesterday also marks 2 tues in a row that Ive witness tragedy. Last Tues was the mrt accident at tamp. I saw the scdf pulling out something wrapped in white from under the train. Yes, I was one of the crowd KPOs. Then yest, about nearly 12 midnight, I was on the phone when I heard a loud screeching noise then a thud. Car accident la. As usual, cos the junction near my block has seen its fair share of collisions. No one got injured. But that's not the point. I got damn pissed off for many reasons. First, the car swerved onto the pavement and onto the patch of grass near it, knocking the fire hydrant as well as the metal rail of the staircase leading to my block. So damage to public property is. THEN, I saw from my window, the driver and the passenger running away from the scene. The male passenger came out first and then scrambled to help the woman driver (grrrr..) out. Then they ran off! I thought they were afraid of the car exploding or whatever. But when my bro rushed down to check if they were injured, he found nobody. Those two morons left their car there and they fled the scene! Is that bloody irresponsible or what? The ambulance came but nobody needed the help. Then finally, after some time, the police came. By then, I had already gone back upstairs (yes, I KPO-ed again) and my mom said a tow truck took the vehicle away at around 3 am. I mean seriously. Why the heck would you want to flee the scene? So stupid! This is spore. Your licence plate is there. You will be traced within minutes.

2 possibilities- 1) The woman has no licence. 2 ) Drunk.

Either way, I really do wonder who the heck is going to pay for the damages because I really hope it isnt the tax payer's money. Also, I wonder, will they be charged even more severely because the fled the scene.

And Im angry because there could have been someone walking on the pavement. That someone could have been me! Or worse, my mom who came back only half an hour before and gosh, thinking of that riles me! It could have even been the neighbourhood kitties! GRRRRR.. I really hope they get a fair penalty.

Alhamdulillah, no one was hurt. The accident really makes us realise that one can die anywhere. Even when you think you're safe, walking along the pavement just 2 m from your block.

May God protect us from harm/danger/accidents. Insya-Allah.

END POST~10.39pm

It's the Back-To-School post!

I had my first class of my final year today. Evolutionary psychology. A 3 hour long seminar that left me mentally drained and tummy-ly empty. I have to say, a lot of discussion went on and the questions A/p Elliot poses sure are tough. Heh, feel intellectual la. And I really like Elliot. He's really really such an adorable prof :) I nearly tripped him though. My stupid bag was in his way. So embarrasing for me cos I think I said 'oh shit' quite loud. Ah well. And he remembers me :) I guess cos I emailed him a lot abt evo psych when I was doing his dev module about a year and a half ago :) And I met him during my internship.

Wah, 3 hours only and yet I feel so tired. I dont understand. I dont think its food cos when Im at home, I dont usually feel that hungry even if I dont eat a lot, like today. I can sit for hours watching a movie or tv and I wont feel so tired. So how come sitting in a lecture and just listening is so tiring? It doesnt make sense. Najib seems to think that cos in movies, I'll be munching popcorn. Hmm. Perhaps. Then how come, when I go out and come back at night, I dont feel as tired as coming home from school at night? I dont get it! Is it all in the mind? Or are lectures just tiring cos brain work is required? Hmm.

Though my lect was at 4, I went to school for lunch with Pema in the new canteen. I dont like the new canteen. Its too open. I feel watched. Its def better in terms of cleanliness and ventilation but must they make it so open? Maybe I just dont like changes.

I got my new Nussu diary. Finally, I can get organised again. This year, we can choose between getting a blue or a pink cover so despite the fact that I was drawn to the blue one, I took the pink one, then I felt a little regret but now I feel better about it. Quite pretty la. Next time, they should just hand it to me so I dont have to choose. Ask everyone. The more choices I have, the more fickle I am.

Which reminds me, I need to decide if I really want this campus accomodation. Im having doubts.

And can someone remind me to drop clinical neuropsych asap before I get a W grade. Choy.

END POST~10.50pm

At 1900 hrs Sydney time, aka ard 5 plus nearly 6pm, I received the following sms from Farhana..

"I took a pic wif matt damon! He's in syd for ultimatum premiere. Wohoo! I got his autograph too!"

She's only been in Sydney for one month and she's lucky enough to get him! Im so jealous la! Those who know might remember that I was so in love with him after I watched Bourne Identity. Swoon.

Here's one of the pics she took with her friends and my Matt. :)

There she is, on the left, smiling like a deranged fanatic, with him :)

END POST~11.55pm

I want these songs :)

1) Big girls dont cry- Fergie
2) Wait for you-Elliot Yamin
3) It doesnt get better than this-Katy Fitzgerald

4) Memory- Bon Jovi

But mostly, I want Suddenly I see by KT Turnstall. In fact, I think Ive fallen in love with her songs :) Black Horse and the Cherry Tree is not bad either :) wohoo. haha. She is talented, man.

END POST~1.41pm

Ade gave me chocs :) I love Ade. So happy for her cos she's done with school! 3 years. How time flies! I still remember how devastated I was that my badminton kaki was studying overseas. But ta-da. She's back :)

I am feeling satisfied. After badminton (I was a bit frustrated because I couldn't move about the court as I usually would because the soles of my nike were coming off), I decided to sweat it out further so I went to the gym. Again the shoes got in the way, but thankfully only on the treadmill.

So I'm all showered now and feeling healthy :) (And Ive put e chocs aside...for now)

I really have to start running outdoors again man. How am I gonna make it for the Shape run if I cant even stand the morn sun anymore? I need to get a new pair of shoes asap so I can season it in time for the run too, which , is in 4 weeks time! Yikes.

And i'm excited because Im gonna see my darling today! Havent seen him since last sunday and school is starting next week so yea... :)

Whee~

END POST~12.49pm

Sunday's nearly over. Is it me or does time fly?
One more week of liberty to slack before school. Ah. School. Bleah.

Yest's bbq-turned-pizza party with my fellow interns turned out to be a blast. 12 people. Card games. Food. Drinks. Company. Excellent :) And yeah, the SEA trip may actually materialise. We need a really good itenairy or it'll end up like the melacca trip we took tho :P

Met up with the pubs psych soc ppl on fri. I hadnt seen Eugene, Justina and Kwee Ting, etc. since term ended so yeah, I also had a fantastic time at Settlers :):):) I LOVE Kwee Ting because she's like super duper nice la. I dont think I contributed much to pubs and yet she still blanja-ed me. hee..Ok, I'll come down and give the freshies a talk only because you requested my presence..heheh.

Yeah, then 5/3 class outing the same night.

Gonna meet up w Ade in ~10 hrs time for badminton. I really really hope I can wake up in time given that I've been having great difficulty rolling out of bed lately. That's a bad sign, isnt it? I read something about there somewhere. I just cant remember what exactly.

Anyone knows where I can get a cheap yet brand new Ipod mini?

Bah. School. Is. Starting. Soon. Must. Get. Straight. As. Need. To. Mug. Everyday. No. Room.To. Be. Average. Must. Shine.

Haiya, but whatever happens happens la right? I'll just do my very best for everthing and leave the rest to God.

Yeah, I'll work really hard till May 08, then Im off to Perth-Sydney to see my darling and Farhana..then the SEA trip with e interns! Or SEA then perth-sydney. Either way, I MUST go somewhere!

END POST~11.36pm

I feel empty and yet satisfied at the same time..Ive felt this way before a few years back. I cant exactly remember when...but it was around the same time..a lazy hot afternoon, sun shining outside and wind blowing into my room..so peaceful...and after the exact act am I experiencing all of these. And its not deja vu.

I've just completed reading the final harry potter book. I always feel empty after I read any of the Hp books. I guess that's cos I get completely sucked into the story and when ive reached the final sentence and close the book, I feel a longing for it to continue...

Escapism.

I am satisfied with the ending. I dont know how she did it but rowling tied up all the loose ends perfectly and completed the story. Complete. I like that.

You know, I havent found any other book that can grip me as much as these books have. The themes are brillaint. Friendship, love, duty, honor, death, circumstances, prejudice, greed, envy, corruption, etc. In essence, the strengths and weaknesses of being human. Above all, the innoncence and realism of the content despite being a fantasy book is what makes the series compelling.

I sigh now because Im sad that its over. It seems like I have to grow up. The books provided me a way to get away from reality, you know? Just to immerse myself and grow with the characters over the last few years.

And Ive grown :)

I guess I like books or tv series (gilmore girls) like these because the characters grow up as I grow up too..and now that Im nearly 23 next year, will there be a book or series or whatever that I can grow up with?

Return to innocence.

END POST~4.11am

I'm officially a snooty year 4.

Its not as if I intentionally roll my eyes at wide-eyed ultra friendly freshmen whose heads are still stuck in the clouds and in lala ra-ra foc land. No. Its reflex.

And I cant stand those people at the bus stops smiling and desperately trying to make eye contact with me so they can hand me their cca brouchere (how to spell..pamphlet whatevers). Must I wear a badge to say IM NOT INTERESTED AND IM NOT A YR 1?

So I've just stopped smiling at anyone who smiles at me on campus (unless I know them).

There's just too many people in school this week. Urgh. And call me a soursop but what are all these people so happy about? I mean its irritating. Yeah, you're in uni. Wohoo. Now get over it and get out of my way.

Bah hamburger!

I like semester 2 better. Thats when ppl wake up.

Aside: I got my stats module. I was looking through the class list and oh dear. The powerful people are in my class. You know, those no-nonsense-dont-bother-talking-to-me-if-youre-not-as-smart-as-me people. Ah well. Shove it, I say.

Happy moments of the day:
-I hung out with a friend and ended up eating a lot :) We're gyming tmr. heheh.
-My Jitsu got his lifeline today! No one week wait! I got it immediately :) Yay.
-Watched another dvd. This goofball comedy called "Accepted". Its a hilarious show about how this guy couldnt get accepted into any college and his parents were so disappointed. So he tried coming up with a temporary solution by printing out an acceptance letter from an imaginary college and asked his geeky friend to set up a website so that it'll look legit when his parents checked it out. His father fell for it and gave him the tuition fees. Unfortunately, his parents told him that they wanna drop him off at the college and also to have a look around. So he had to find a place to buy and pass it off as the school. Luckily he managed to get a lease for an abandoned asylum! Haha! So he and his friends cleaned the place up, hired some people to act like students so when his parents come down, it'd look perfect. So it all worked out until the next day when like a thousand people showed up outside the building cos they too got accepted! Turns out that the website his friend created said "Acceptance is just a click away" and it literally was. And the show takes off from there. Super duper funny with crazy characters. Entertaining :)

END POST~11.06pm

"Bewitched, bothered and bewildered". I think I like this song :) Only when its sung accompanied by the piano.

I just watched History Boys on dvd and I must say, its rather good! I'm pleasantly surprised because it was placed under 'Comedy' at the store and so I had my expectations. But while it is funny, (and I love that kind of humor), it has its poignant moments. And I like that.

:)

That aside, Ive handed in the proposal and so, que sera sera.

Downer of the day: My laptop adapter is spoilt. Well, at least I hope it is the adapter and not the socket at the back the computer. That would be problematic. So the only 'life' source my laptop has now comes from whats left of the batt I was lucky to have charged yesterday.
Oh bother. I've got to make my way to school tmr.

And haiya. Im having doubts as to whether I should take the stats module. I've calculated and if I want to improve my cap, I need at least an A-/A average. The most logical thing people would do is to take modules they know they'd score in. I dont know if I can score for stats. I mean I'll work hard for sure but I'll be taking the module with post-graduate students and that intimidates me. But I really want to learn. I'm sick of running to other people to explain data analysis methods and I want to be able to do it myself. In any case, stats is very much part of psych and if I wanna pursue it in future, the knowledge will be an asset. I am very keen to be good at it. It's just that I dont know if I will be. Should I take the risk?

I've contemplated on merely sitting in for the lectures so I can learn with the rest but I dont need to have to take the assessments. But I know myself. The lecture will be on Fri morn at 9am. Chances are I wont feel motivated enough to get up and attend it if my grades are not at stake. It definitely will not be a priority.

Decisions, decisions.

END POST~ 7.28pm

Proposal is done. The supervisor is ok with it. Done.

All I need to do is to head down to school and submit and everything is complete.

My foot la.

I just found out that its not the head of dept who has to sign the darn thing. Its this other lecturer who's away till 10 Aug!

How the heck am I going to get this signed by the end of this month. AKA Tuesday 31st July 2007?

OMG. OMG. OMG.

Help me God.

END POST~10.50pm

Another venomous email from him. Ive used many expletives to describe how I feel about him but you know what? Im not going to repeat them here. I realise that he just isnt worth it. As Ive told my some ppl, he may have a doctorate in psychology and he may be a fantastic researcher but whatever it is, i know, that in my 22 years of existence, Im better than him in interpersonal relationships and EQ than he will ever be till the day he dies and rot in hell. So I'm going to maintain my professionalism as a student and ensure that I never step over the boundary as he did. I have lost my respect for him, I honestly have. People have told me to report his unproffessional conduct and use the email as evidence but as much as I want to, bad blood will only cause me more harm than good while Im still in nus. So be it.

Having said that, I feel much better. It's funny how I found comfort in people I never expected to...It's comforting and I dont know..It just makes it so sweet. Thanks babes and dudes...Thank you.

And I found a passage in a self-help book that Farhana bought for me...I feel that regardless of faith, the essence of it applies to anyone.

How to deal with bitter criticism

Those who are ignorant have uttered curses at Allah, the Exalted, the Creator of all that exists, so what treatement should we, who are full of faults, expect from people? You will always have to face criticism, which in its onslaught is like an interminable war: it shows no sign of ending. As long as you shine, give, produce, and have an effect on others, then disapproval and condemnation will be your lot in life. Until you escape from peopole by finding a tunnel in the ground or a ladder leading to the sky, they will not desist from censuring you, from finding fault in your character. For that reason, as long as you are denizens of earth, expect to be hurt, to be insulted, and to be criticised.

And here is something you should contemplate: a person who is sitting on the ground does not fall, and people do not kick a dead dog. Therefore, their anger toward you can be attributed to you surpassing them in righteousness, knowledge, manners or wealth. In their eyes, you are a transgressor whose wrong doing cannot be atoned for-unless you abandon your talents and strip yourself of all praiseworthy qualities, so that you become stupid, worthless, and to them innocuous. This result is exactly what they want for you.

So remain firm and patient when facing their insults and criticism. If you are wounded by their words an dlet them have an influence over you, you will have realised their hopes. Instead, forgive them by showing them the most beautiful of manners. Turn away from them and do not feel distressed by their schemes. Their disapproval of you only increases you in worth and merit.

Verily, you will not be able to silence them, but you will be able to bury their criticism by turning away and dismissing what they have to say.

{say: "Perish in your rage"} Qur'an 3:119

In fact, you will be able to increase them in their rage by increasing your merits and developing your talents.

If you desire to be accepted by all and loved by all, you desire the unattainable.

END POST~10.15am

I dont know how much Ive cried today and I am ashamed of myself for being so weak.

Term hasnt even started and I feel like this already. I was suppose to submit the thing this week but he's away on reservist. Which means another weak of agony. That and problem after problem after problem keep coming up.

God, is this a test? Is this a test to see how strong I can be? Is this a sign from You that I should stop while I can and be realistic? Which is it? I need a sign. Please.

I am sad. I am confused. I am angry. I am lonely.

Where are my friends? Where are they? I need someone, anyone. Does anybody read my blog? Why not tag me? The least you could do is that. Im feeling so miserable and alone.

'Emotional blackmail' I hear one of two of you saying this to yourself. Well, if you had the cheek to think of that abt me then SCREW YOU. What kind of friend would you be if you can think of me like that anyway.

I cant believe it. I know all of you are busy. I know all of you have lives. With work. With your boyfriends/girlfriends/school/family or whatever. But at least, my gosh, at least those of you who know about what im gg through can give me support. Will it kill you to leave a god damn tag? Im not asking for a bloody dinner or movie. A phone call. An sms. ANYTHING.

Am I that lousy a person to deserve feeling this way?

I miss farhana so much. I realise now more than ever that she is the one true friend I can count on. Whether or not she's busy, she'll always make time to hear me out. With her, I can be open. With her, I can say anything I want and she'll always always cheer me up. With her, I can call her up in the middle of the night and she'd listen. Yeah, she'd be grumpy but at least she'd listen.

Besides najib, she is one of the other 2 friends who even bothered to give me a birthday present. Gosh, I know it sounds inconsequential but im big on birthday presents ok. Yeah. Im an insecure freak who needs that one day to know she is loved by ppl. Whatever else you think is your business.

Gosh, I hate myself for being so pathetic.

Do you know how many times Ive been out with my friends since vacation (May)? Three. Meeting up with farhana when she came back from mecca, winston and farhana for coffee and then a spontaneous invite by YX and Karina to shop. And Ive calculated. You know what? This week is the only week Im free to enjoy myself before my supervisor comes back and the whole shit starts again.

3 times. I guess Im lucky anyway, huh. And if not for the internship (which was the best thing thats happened to me this break), I probably would have realised my pathetic state sooner.

Im angsty and Im ready to lash at anyone.

Thats why im isolating myself from the ones I love. The last thing i want is to displace my emotions unto them.


END POST~9.01pm

Into the last leg of the Institutional review board propasal. Phew.

I just had a meeting with Why. Ok la. I've got amendments and additions to make to it.

I may potentially drown myself in IVs.

Will I be able to balance two studies? Yes, my HT now has two studies.
Two experiemental studies, 3 level 4000 psychology modules and 1 breadth module.

Hello muggerhood.

After much deliberation, I've finally settled on a module combi that I feel at ease with. I dont know how to describe it. But after I put together the following modules together, I felt a click. And somehow, I feel, I know, insya-allah, I can do this.

PL4208 Intro to counselling psych
PL4214 Evolutionary psych
PL5221 Analysis of psychological data using GLM
Gek 1542 Forensic Science

END POST~2.00pm

Alas, I spoke too soon. (bangs head on table)

I just received a venomous email from why, dripped with sarcasm and ad hominem.

SCREW YOU.

Think I'd be intimidated? Sheesh. You're only scary in emails and not in person.

END POST~2.43pm

So I ended staying up and awake for almost 36 hours straight. I finally emailed it to him 3 hours before the consultation. He chided me for it but heck, who cares. Its done. And Im proud of it.

Made my way to find the psych dept. Almost got myself lost because really, who goes to AS4???
The department smelt of fresh paint and my my my, its certainly bigger than the old one. As I walked through the corridor, I coulnt help but notice many new names on the office doors. Anyhow, I must say, the meeting with him went really well. I thought I'd be intimidated and ramble nonsense but somehow, I found myself at ease. It could be the lack of sleep but certainly,while he has high expectations and can be pretty headstrong once he deems an aspect to be unfeasible, I realise that his word isn't law and he knows it. So when I disagreed with him, I went ahead and told him. And he was receptive!

Now, why the exclaimation? Because many students find him hard to be around. But I think, these students probably dont know how to stand up and speak up if they're unhappy. He's not an unreasonable man. He just has very high expectations. In fact, even when I did find myself rambling, he said very nicely "Go on, just try (to explain)". He's quite nice to chat with too.

The meeting lasted a whopping 3 and 1/2 hours.

After that, I met up with Nudgie because he was at ntu for some course and he finished early so came to nus to wait for me. Poor thing. He had to wait outside the library instead of the usual because now, to get in, you need to tap your matric card at the gantry! What the heck!! And there are other changes too! The swaps table is gone. Arts club has been almost completely demolished. And the canteen is STILL not completed even though that make shift canteen at the carpark is gone!

There better be a canteen by next month.

Anyway, I've got ammendments to make for the proposal before it goes to the ethics board who'd take bloody long to approve/disapprove of it. Till then, my hands would be ties. So the sooner I submit it to him to check and approve, the sooner it then goes on to the board.

Back to work again. What holiday?

END POST~12.52pm

Maybe I think too much before I write what I had in mind. Had because it keeps changing with every reading. It keeps changing as one confound after another pops up.

Where do I draw the line? Realistically, 'no experiment is confound free' as a friend used to say.

And can I intentionally leave an aspect out knowing that it could affect the results? I mean this isnt like lab reports anymore where I can leave something out and put it under the discussion later.

Shits man. Shits.

Shit. Hits. The. Fan.

END POST~11.39pm

Its 1.45am as I type this.

Im up trying to think of a feasible design for my study. It seems so clear cut in my head yet when I try to type it out, it comes out wrong. I dont get it. Thankfully, a friend I made over my internship is helping me clear the fuzzies from my head right now.

Spoke to Farhana on msn. Heh, video call is so cool. I could see and hear her!
Spoke to my Norwegian cousin on msn too. She's 8 months pregnant already. Gosh, so fast. She's still deciding between the names Emma and Ariel for her daughter. Beautiful :)

haiya, i just wanna get this proposal done. But I know that if I dont put a lot of proper thought into planning and designing my study, it'll come back and bite me in the ass.

ARGH.

END POST~1.52am

I just saw pictures of Justina's commencement ceremony. Pink! :)
Ok la, the orange/yellow/gold the hons students had on are not that bad la. I think I can possibly look nice in that although I doubt orange/yellow/gold matches my complexion. Ah well.

I'm having knots in my stomach now. I'm next.

OMG I'm next.

In a years time that would be me. I dont feel very good right now.

Must. Lose. Weight. Must. Maintain. CAP. ARGHHHHHH.

I'm gonna miss those who have gone on to join the ranks of the working class.

Anyway, I wrote a sob letter to osa begging them to give me a room. Sometimes, I amaze myself. I read the letter again and I nearly teared at the end of it. So drama. They have yet to reply. Sheesh. All I got is an acknowledgement email saying

"Thank you for your email.
I am sorry if I do not respond to your email as promptly.
We are currently busy attending to various students with housing concerns."

So I take it that IM not a student with housing concerns? Hello? Just gimme the room dammit. I probably need it more than others anyway.

END POST~1.23pm

I watched Die Hard today.

What? :)

My review? So 1990s. Still fun to watch though. Mindless killing of villains who never seem to die the first time round despite the fact of getting brutally punched/kicked, sandwiched between objects which could in real life kill on impact, you name it. Heroes who never get shot even though a gazillion bullets fly their way. Hero who, when gets shot in the chest, walks on as if he had gotten himself an inconvenient graze. Not forgetting the wise-crack comments from hero. Rather dumb but ok looking villain who thinks he's the good guy and the whole world is wrong. Ok, no babe factor unless you consider Maggie Q (whose character was so annoyingly slow in getting killed that I wanted to kill her character myself) but plenty of geek factor because after all, the plot is about how some bunch of hacker geeks found themselves being hunted one by one because they were accesories to villain's scheme to pull off some mumbo jumbo massive IT shut down that will ruin the country and give him access to lots of money.

So of course, the hero of all heros, John McClaine who's always at the wrong place at the wrong time and who seems to always find himself running a one man show in saving the world, well, er, saves the world.

I like the way he said "I'm gonna find my daughter and kill them all". How law enforcing is that? You wont get that these days. These days it'd be "I'm gonna find my daughter and put the rest behind bars" Or smt like that.

Ahhh...the 90s :)

Nostalgia. I used to watch Die Hard 1, Die Hard 2 and Die Hard 3-with a Vengance religiously ok? Together with Terminators 1 and 2, Indiana Jones 1,2,3 and Rocky and Rambo. Hehehehehheh :)

Ok, I admit. I enjoyed the movie :)

END POST~10.35pm

I was blog surfing and decided to check out this junior's blog (realise I have him on MSN) because sometime last week or so, I bumped into him and his friend and we managed to sustain quite a decent conversation given he's probably 3 years my junior and was my cadet back in Dunman.

So anyway, I'm actually super proud of him because like me, he was the only one from his batch in Dunman to go on to VJ. Unlike me, he was probably high profile. Heard he was one of the soccer players and a house captain. So cool right? :) Okay la, I have to admit, from afar, Ive always thought those people to be cool la.

Anyway, the last time I saw him, I was passing my C maths notes to him. And I'm still getting used to the fact that his voice's broken. I remember he was one of the cadets who stood out. See, when we were NCOs, we had this rather dumb practice of getting everyone to write reports on what they have learnt and what they liked or didnt like about the seniors. It was our supply of entertainment la. So this guy, Zeya, his English was superb la. I remember one of my friends had to check the dictionary for some of the words he used. Haha!
Now he's all grown up and quite charming really. He's still in NS but he'll be out next year and he'll be off to school.

The little meeting we had was surprising. I bet the conversation could have stretched on further if not for the fact that I had to rush off for my Dad's birthday and he and his friend (who reminds me of Najib :)) had to go off somewhere too. I know it sounds silly but the sheer coincidence of it, he elaborates the many coincidences that led up to our meeting very thoroughly on his blog, was amazing. So discovering that he dedicated an entire blog post on it makes the chance encounter even more special because its mutual.. :)

Ok la. Plus he said nice things about me.. .

"Her name's Farah, and she used to be my senior in Dunman Sec NPCC. I respected her alot because of her commitment, patience and other worthy virtues."

Hehehehehhehe...giggle giggle...hehehehe..worthy virtues????? Wait. Why are some of the words in past tense???

Still, gosh, Im such a sucker for compliments.

END POST~11.20am

Woke up at 11, can you believe that? The transition into slob mode seems almost instantaneous!

And I woke up feeling empty. No one home..and no one to talk to face to face...and no more work :(

Anyway, I was on the mrt yesterday when I was suddenly overwhelmed with sadness. I miss Farhana. I cant believe she wont be back for one whole year. Whenever I'm bored, she's like one of the first people I'd call up to hang out or to run or whatever. So when I found myself almost scrolling my phonebook to her name, I stopped myself and then it hit me. Gosh. I had to control my tears.

So I msged WinsTonne and Najib. They'd warn me that day when she left. I had told them something like "Wow, that was an emotionless send off", to which either winsTonne or someone said "Just you wait, it'll set in".
Argh.

But I guess once school kicks in, I'll have tonnes of things to do. Actually I have tonnes of things to do now but I just dont feel like doing anything.

ARGH!
Must. Move. Butt. Must. Do. Thesis. Proposal.

END POST~1.00pm

In a nutshell,

1. SIP has ended
2. My bestest and childhood friend has left Singapore
3. My wireless is finally repaired
4. Transformers is the best show Ive watched this year

1. SIP experience
I cant believe 2 months went by so quickly. I can still remember the day I was informed I would be attached to ppsd. I was jumping up and down and running all over the house screaming 'alhamdulillah'. (i was alone at home when the call came la). I can clearly remember my first day. I left my place later than I set myself to because I kept fussing in front of the mirror, checking my reflection and wondering if I look like an intern with a mission. I finally got myself to leave the house and made my way to city hall to meet up with karina, her friend and Parvin. We were all looking at each other and what the other was wearing, each wondering if what they had on was acceptable. So sua-ku right? I guess we were so used to the jeans and t-shirt get up la. At least I was. Anyway, we made our way to the auditorium and saw familiar people. I sat through the opening ceremony with a bit of skepticism and rolled my eyes a bit here and there. They were playing nursery rhymes over the PA system. I remember telling someone that there could be subliminal messages encripted in the melody or something. It turned out that the songs were part of an ice breaker game la. Each group was named after the title of a rhyme and we had to get the people of the same group to come together without talking or smt. Anyway, we got into our respective groups and pieced together a jigsaw. Our group was one of the fastest and so we won a goodie bag of chocolates :)

It was only after the official ceremony was over that me and the other interns got to know each other while waiting for our transport :) That was when I got really excited. We got to sit in one of those vehicles. So cool. Then we reached the place. Ok. Notice Im being superbly ambigious as to reveal where on earth my internship was and stuff? unless you know what's ppsd. Hee.. deliberate la. Mysterious right? Ask me in person and I shall tell. I signed some documents and stuff and Im afraid of breaching anything so ya. Ok ok, fine I admit. That's quite rubbish la. Im being evasive for no reason but but but it makes good conversation what. so I shall save it :P

Zoom to a couple of few weeks later, all 7 of us were buried neck deep in work. But the friendship we forged saw us through that period. Zoom forward to another few weeks and us interns went on a trip to Melaka together where we bonded a bit more. I can honestly say, not a day went by when we didnt burst out laughing. The chemistry was perfect. We were all so different yet we could still click. We're gonna form an hons support group :)

Also, as the days went by, I found myself clicking with the staff and the whole culture. I was so privilieged to have a boss/supervisor who treats interns to be equal as the rest of the staff. And he was kind enough to offer us one to one consultation on our career goals. I felt as if he was a mentor rather than a supervisor. Can you believe I had a chat with him for 4 hours straight? I hardly even noticed! But he renewed my hope in psych even more and I'm more than determined now that psych is what I want.

In fact, maybe its a bit bold for me to say this but I think Im sure that this is where I want to work. I believe in what they do. I can see myself fitting in with the org culture. I can see myself working under him and the other psychs. Gosh. I want this.

So anyway, I mean the past 8 weeks has been amazing. There's so much more I want to say but I guess I'll be satisfied to have them stored in my memory instead. Anyway, I've learnt so much about myself especially. And I'm blessed to have been able to get this opp. And the best thing is of course, the relationship Ive formed with the staff as well as the other interns.

2. Farhana left for Auzzie land
Have I mentioned how incredibly proud I am of her? Best Clinician award! Look out for her people. She's going to be the best physiotherapist in Spore I tell you. Well, anyway, she left last night/earlier this morning. I expected to be sad but strangely I didnt. She's the one person who can put up with my crap uncensored and likewise I with her. 14 years. But one year plus plus will pass quickly and besides, there's always msn and the phone :)

3. YES!! Finally wireless is repaired! This is so so good. I can surf from my room again!

4. I honestly thought the show would suck because I hated the cartoon when I was little. Each time the cartoon came on and my brothers watched in glued to the tv screen, I would walk off. But MY GOSH. The movie was fantastic! I was not bored for even one second la. MUST WATCH. Worth every single cent. The life reporter who reviewed the show knows nothing man. MUST MUST MUST okay?

And now, for my month long well deserved break! (wait, i have tonnes of things to do like clean my room, pick modules, apply for accomodation, submit my thesis proposals.....argh)

END POST~3.48pm

It was mainly us interns in the office yesterday morning and instead of doing anything productive, we got down to planning a weekend getaway :) So far everyone's excited but we're still in the midst of choosing a feasible place to go to given that we'd probably have only 2 and a half days, 29-1st. Hee. We have bigger plans actually. We're going to use this trip as a dry run to see if we can tahan each other's company. If we pass, then we may be backpacking SEA after grad :)

Anyway, Parvin had actually signed us up for the MILK run which is on the 1st. So going on the trip would mean forgoing the run. Then again, we all agreed that we'd rather go than run 5.3k without any training anyway.

Besides, there's always the Shape run in september!

Np gathering tmr evening. So far the response has been lukewarm but hey, its better than nothing. Haven't seen some of them since sec school!

And to you, thank you for responding to my previous post. I decided to email you at your gmail account. Did you receive it? I really hope so. HUG.

Today's a happy happy day :) Bought/Adopted a bean from mr bean like finally. Gosh, the bean's darn cute. Can't help looking at it. Heh, looks a little like my nudgie. And he said the one coming out next week looks a little like me when i smile. Hehe. I'll get that one too. So cute!!!!! Now i vaguely understand the weird hello kitty obsession. But but but, im not THAT obsessed la. Ok fine. My heart may have raced a little as i neared the shop. I had a dream that they sold out already. hehe.

Then i came home at 5.30 ish. I came home before the sun set! I came home and looked out of the window and enjoyed the lovely evening breeze, soaked in the soothing sight of empty roads and children playing at the playground...ahhhhh...
I guess the visit to changi prison (part of my internship programme) has really made me treasure my freedom. The sky, the wind and the colors all around me...so beautiful.

Happy happy happy. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

END POST~7.50pm

Im home! Nothing beats waking up after the sun rises and just doing my work in bed :) Today the boss has allowed us to do work away from work. Most of us will be heading down to the libraries to do our research. I'm leaving at 11 :)

So Ive just finished blog surfing. It seems like a luxury for me to do so these days. I love blogs. You get an update on friends. Unfortunately, I notice not many people are blogging much these days. Some blogs removed. Others abandoned. Then there's friends with no blogs.

I feel a disconnect.

What are you guys up to? Drop me an email la :)

Then there's this one friend. Used to be a dear friend. Still is I think. I have no idea what's happened to him. Ever since he started uni it seems like he's forgotten all about us. Its so tiring asking him out time and again. Is uni life so darn bloody busy? So busy you cant even spare a dinner date with us? I mean she's leaving next month you know. She's tired of reaching out to you and quite frankly, Im tired too. That's why I left you that msn msg and logged out. Im too tired/ afraid of being disappointed with your ambiguous reply. Gawd. We havent had each other's company for nearly a year. Heck, I dont know if you'll even read this. If you do, you know who you are. Get back to me ok? Sigh. It'll mean so much to her.
I have a lump in my throat now.

END POST~9.44am

It seems like a super duper long week has finally come to an end. My entire physical being was at a low over the past few days. As mentioned in my previous post, I was suffering from a bout of food poisoning. I haven't vomitted since jc. I absolutely hate puking. Bullimics are crazy. Then the diarrhea and the im-so-weak-and-im-not-hungry-at-all phase.

And I'm only still recovering.

Thanks for the get-well soon wishes :)

And of course, not forgetting, my special someone. It was 2 years on the 8th ;) I had a splendid time.

END POST~9.09pm

Food poisoning.

END POST~7.40pm

"I would hope that people might view their fellow beings, all beings, with more empathy, more compassion, with a desire to understand. Even if they can't know why people are the way they are, to understand that they're probably that way for a good reason." -screenwriter and author of the book "What's Eating Gilbert Grape," Peter Hedges

I finally got myself down to watching it the movie. Now I understand why Leonardo di caprio got an Oscar nomination for it. And finally I get to see johnny depp looking like a normal person.

I think I probably lost at least 20mg of tears watching the show.
Sigh. I'm too soft.

END POST~6.59pm

So the honours class briefing was yesterday. Looking around Lt 10, I couldnt help but feel a sense of accomplishment, comfort and camaraderie with the people around me. Although I barely know 50-60% of them, I've seen them before, taken modules or even shared tutorials with them. Accomplishment because I've made it. Comfort because of familiarity. Camaraderie because in a way, all of us went through 6 semesters at the same time and we're all going to face the same uncertainty, the same stresses in the final 2 semesters to come.

Meeting up with friends I haven't seen since semester ended also made things sweeter in a way. Gosh, its rather scary to imagine that in a year's time we'd all be busy working (or finding work) that we may not get to spend as much time together. Already, with the internship and all, I hardly see my friends and they hardly see me. Its quite sad really. Is this what it'll be like in future? The occasional dinners? Which is understandable really. Bearing in mind the numerous commitments one would have to juggle. I mean, at least in school, you get to mix friends with work. But then after graduation, work is work. Unless you manage to click with your collegues the same way you click with friends you've made since sec, jc or uni. which may probably be unlikely unless you consider friendships as superficial acquaintances. Seriously, are collegues really friend material? Can you really bitch about your boss or another collegue without knowing if your work friend may backstab you in order to gain one up against you? I guess I'm of the opinion that once you leave school for sure, you stop making real friends altogether. What do you think? To explain, think of it this way. The people you meet/met in school practically grew up with you. They've seen you on crappy days and on good days, went through the same shit with you and worked and played with you. They've seen you on a day to day basis so they know that your behaviour one day may not reflect or do justice to who you really are on good days. Collegues may take years to know you properly unless circumstances allows you to really get to know each other by working together on a project or whatever. Then again, there will always be this brick wall stopping you from getting close to a collegue because people have ambitions at work. In school, competition is very very different.

Ah well, here I am rambling about office politics and the possibility of forming friendships at work when I havent even gone through work proper. T'was a hypothesis. Needs to be examined.

But gut feeling? I think I may find myself hanging with the same bunch of people if fate has it that I stay in contact with them. And on the bright side, there'll always be a bunch of people I know who will keep me company when I need it. People at home :)

Anyway, super long post ah? Im not done yet. :) Guess what N and I did today? We were so lazy to do anything that involves walking around. Plus I wasn't in the mood to be in crowded places. Incidentally, malls and mrt's are getting more and more packed, with the school holidays and the GSS. So we decided to take buses we've never taken before and see where we end up. First, we took 72 from tamp interchange. The bus goes up to hougang interchange, ang mo kio and finally yio chu kang. The entire journey took only 45 mins! Quite scenic along tamp road and then tpe. Then we hoped onto 76 from yio chu kang, which then went pass ang mo kio, payar lebar and then siglap before looping back. That alone took 45 mins.Finally, we alighted and took 31 all the way back to tamp (which again took 45 mins).

Okay. Im done posting. I was thinking of something smart to say before I close this post but nothing comes to mind. ok. Im done.

END POST~10.29pm