Another venomous email from him. Ive used many expletives to describe how I feel about him but you know what? Im not going to repeat them here. I realise that he just isnt worth it. As Ive told my some ppl, he may have a doctorate in psychology and he may be a fantastic researcher but whatever it is, i know, that in my 22 years of existence, Im better than him in interpersonal relationships and EQ than he will ever be till the day he dies and rot in hell. So I'm going to maintain my professionalism as a student and ensure that I never step over the boundary as he did. I have lost my respect for him, I honestly have. People have told me to report his unproffessional conduct and use the email as evidence but as much as I want to, bad blood will only cause me more harm than good while Im still in nus. So be it.

Having said that, I feel much better. It's funny how I found comfort in people I never expected to...It's comforting and I dont know..It just makes it so sweet. Thanks babes and dudes...Thank you.

And I found a passage in a self-help book that Farhana bought for me...I feel that regardless of faith, the essence of it applies to anyone.

How to deal with bitter criticism

Those who are ignorant have uttered curses at Allah, the Exalted, the Creator of all that exists, so what treatement should we, who are full of faults, expect from people? You will always have to face criticism, which in its onslaught is like an interminable war: it shows no sign of ending. As long as you shine, give, produce, and have an effect on others, then disapproval and condemnation will be your lot in life. Until you escape from peopole by finding a tunnel in the ground or a ladder leading to the sky, they will not desist from censuring you, from finding fault in your character. For that reason, as long as you are denizens of earth, expect to be hurt, to be insulted, and to be criticised.

And here is something you should contemplate: a person who is sitting on the ground does not fall, and people do not kick a dead dog. Therefore, their anger toward you can be attributed to you surpassing them in righteousness, knowledge, manners or wealth. In their eyes, you are a transgressor whose wrong doing cannot be atoned for-unless you abandon your talents and strip yourself of all praiseworthy qualities, so that you become stupid, worthless, and to them innocuous. This result is exactly what they want for you.

So remain firm and patient when facing their insults and criticism. If you are wounded by their words an dlet them have an influence over you, you will have realised their hopes. Instead, forgive them by showing them the most beautiful of manners. Turn away from them and do not feel distressed by their schemes. Their disapproval of you only increases you in worth and merit.

Verily, you will not be able to silence them, but you will be able to bury their criticism by turning away and dismissing what they have to say.

{say: "Perish in your rage"} Qur'an 3:119

In fact, you will be able to increase them in their rage by increasing your merits and developing your talents.

If you desire to be accepted by all and loved by all, you desire the unattainable.

END POST~10.15am

I dont know how much Ive cried today and I am ashamed of myself for being so weak.

Term hasnt even started and I feel like this already. I was suppose to submit the thing this week but he's away on reservist. Which means another weak of agony. That and problem after problem after problem keep coming up.

God, is this a test? Is this a test to see how strong I can be? Is this a sign from You that I should stop while I can and be realistic? Which is it? I need a sign. Please.

I am sad. I am confused. I am angry. I am lonely.

Where are my friends? Where are they? I need someone, anyone. Does anybody read my blog? Why not tag me? The least you could do is that. Im feeling so miserable and alone.

'Emotional blackmail' I hear one of two of you saying this to yourself. Well, if you had the cheek to think of that abt me then SCREW YOU. What kind of friend would you be if you can think of me like that anyway.

I cant believe it. I know all of you are busy. I know all of you have lives. With work. With your boyfriends/girlfriends/school/family or whatever. But at least, my gosh, at least those of you who know about what im gg through can give me support. Will it kill you to leave a god damn tag? Im not asking for a bloody dinner or movie. A phone call. An sms. ANYTHING.

Am I that lousy a person to deserve feeling this way?

I miss farhana so much. I realise now more than ever that she is the one true friend I can count on. Whether or not she's busy, she'll always make time to hear me out. With her, I can be open. With her, I can say anything I want and she'll always always cheer me up. With her, I can call her up in the middle of the night and she'd listen. Yeah, she'd be grumpy but at least she'd listen.

Besides najib, she is one of the other 2 friends who even bothered to give me a birthday present. Gosh, I know it sounds inconsequential but im big on birthday presents ok. Yeah. Im an insecure freak who needs that one day to know she is loved by ppl. Whatever else you think is your business.

Gosh, I hate myself for being so pathetic.

Do you know how many times Ive been out with my friends since vacation (May)? Three. Meeting up with farhana when she came back from mecca, winston and farhana for coffee and then a spontaneous invite by YX and Karina to shop. And Ive calculated. You know what? This week is the only week Im free to enjoy myself before my supervisor comes back and the whole shit starts again.

3 times. I guess Im lucky anyway, huh. And if not for the internship (which was the best thing thats happened to me this break), I probably would have realised my pathetic state sooner.

Im angsty and Im ready to lash at anyone.

Thats why im isolating myself from the ones I love. The last thing i want is to displace my emotions unto them.


END POST~9.01pm

Into the last leg of the Institutional review board propasal. Phew.

I just had a meeting with Why. Ok la. I've got amendments and additions to make to it.

I may potentially drown myself in IVs.

Will I be able to balance two studies? Yes, my HT now has two studies.
Two experiemental studies, 3 level 4000 psychology modules and 1 breadth module.

Hello muggerhood.

After much deliberation, I've finally settled on a module combi that I feel at ease with. I dont know how to describe it. But after I put together the following modules together, I felt a click. And somehow, I feel, I know, insya-allah, I can do this.

PL4208 Intro to counselling psych
PL4214 Evolutionary psych
PL5221 Analysis of psychological data using GLM
Gek 1542 Forensic Science

END POST~2.00pm

Alas, I spoke too soon. (bangs head on table)

I just received a venomous email from why, dripped with sarcasm and ad hominem.

SCREW YOU.

Think I'd be intimidated? Sheesh. You're only scary in emails and not in person.

END POST~2.43pm

So I ended staying up and awake for almost 36 hours straight. I finally emailed it to him 3 hours before the consultation. He chided me for it but heck, who cares. Its done. And Im proud of it.

Made my way to find the psych dept. Almost got myself lost because really, who goes to AS4???
The department smelt of fresh paint and my my my, its certainly bigger than the old one. As I walked through the corridor, I coulnt help but notice many new names on the office doors. Anyhow, I must say, the meeting with him went really well. I thought I'd be intimidated and ramble nonsense but somehow, I found myself at ease. It could be the lack of sleep but certainly,while he has high expectations and can be pretty headstrong once he deems an aspect to be unfeasible, I realise that his word isn't law and he knows it. So when I disagreed with him, I went ahead and told him. And he was receptive!

Now, why the exclaimation? Because many students find him hard to be around. But I think, these students probably dont know how to stand up and speak up if they're unhappy. He's not an unreasonable man. He just has very high expectations. In fact, even when I did find myself rambling, he said very nicely "Go on, just try (to explain)". He's quite nice to chat with too.

The meeting lasted a whopping 3 and 1/2 hours.

After that, I met up with Nudgie because he was at ntu for some course and he finished early so came to nus to wait for me. Poor thing. He had to wait outside the library instead of the usual because now, to get in, you need to tap your matric card at the gantry! What the heck!! And there are other changes too! The swaps table is gone. Arts club has been almost completely demolished. And the canteen is STILL not completed even though that make shift canteen at the carpark is gone!

There better be a canteen by next month.

Anyway, I've got ammendments to make for the proposal before it goes to the ethics board who'd take bloody long to approve/disapprove of it. Till then, my hands would be ties. So the sooner I submit it to him to check and approve, the sooner it then goes on to the board.

Back to work again. What holiday?

END POST~12.52pm

Maybe I think too much before I write what I had in mind. Had because it keeps changing with every reading. It keeps changing as one confound after another pops up.

Where do I draw the line? Realistically, 'no experiment is confound free' as a friend used to say.

And can I intentionally leave an aspect out knowing that it could affect the results? I mean this isnt like lab reports anymore where I can leave something out and put it under the discussion later.

Shits man. Shits.

Shit. Hits. The. Fan.

END POST~11.39pm

Its 1.45am as I type this.

Im up trying to think of a feasible design for my study. It seems so clear cut in my head yet when I try to type it out, it comes out wrong. I dont get it. Thankfully, a friend I made over my internship is helping me clear the fuzzies from my head right now.

Spoke to Farhana on msn. Heh, video call is so cool. I could see and hear her!
Spoke to my Norwegian cousin on msn too. She's 8 months pregnant already. Gosh, so fast. She's still deciding between the names Emma and Ariel for her daughter. Beautiful :)

haiya, i just wanna get this proposal done. But I know that if I dont put a lot of proper thought into planning and designing my study, it'll come back and bite me in the ass.

ARGH.

END POST~1.52am

I just saw pictures of Justina's commencement ceremony. Pink! :)
Ok la, the orange/yellow/gold the hons students had on are not that bad la. I think I can possibly look nice in that although I doubt orange/yellow/gold matches my complexion. Ah well.

I'm having knots in my stomach now. I'm next.

OMG I'm next.

In a years time that would be me. I dont feel very good right now.

Must. Lose. Weight. Must. Maintain. CAP. ARGHHHHHH.

I'm gonna miss those who have gone on to join the ranks of the working class.

Anyway, I wrote a sob letter to osa begging them to give me a room. Sometimes, I amaze myself. I read the letter again and I nearly teared at the end of it. So drama. They have yet to reply. Sheesh. All I got is an acknowledgement email saying

"Thank you for your email.
I am sorry if I do not respond to your email as promptly.
We are currently busy attending to various students with housing concerns."

So I take it that IM not a student with housing concerns? Hello? Just gimme the room dammit. I probably need it more than others anyway.

END POST~1.23pm

I watched Die Hard today.

What? :)

My review? So 1990s. Still fun to watch though. Mindless killing of villains who never seem to die the first time round despite the fact of getting brutally punched/kicked, sandwiched between objects which could in real life kill on impact, you name it. Heroes who never get shot even though a gazillion bullets fly their way. Hero who, when gets shot in the chest, walks on as if he had gotten himself an inconvenient graze. Not forgetting the wise-crack comments from hero. Rather dumb but ok looking villain who thinks he's the good guy and the whole world is wrong. Ok, no babe factor unless you consider Maggie Q (whose character was so annoyingly slow in getting killed that I wanted to kill her character myself) but plenty of geek factor because after all, the plot is about how some bunch of hacker geeks found themselves being hunted one by one because they were accesories to villain's scheme to pull off some mumbo jumbo massive IT shut down that will ruin the country and give him access to lots of money.

So of course, the hero of all heros, John McClaine who's always at the wrong place at the wrong time and who seems to always find himself running a one man show in saving the world, well, er, saves the world.

I like the way he said "I'm gonna find my daughter and kill them all". How law enforcing is that? You wont get that these days. These days it'd be "I'm gonna find my daughter and put the rest behind bars" Or smt like that.

Ahhh...the 90s :)

Nostalgia. I used to watch Die Hard 1, Die Hard 2 and Die Hard 3-with a Vengance religiously ok? Together with Terminators 1 and 2, Indiana Jones 1,2,3 and Rocky and Rambo. Hehehehehheh :)

Ok, I admit. I enjoyed the movie :)

END POST~10.35pm

I was blog surfing and decided to check out this junior's blog (realise I have him on MSN) because sometime last week or so, I bumped into him and his friend and we managed to sustain quite a decent conversation given he's probably 3 years my junior and was my cadet back in Dunman.

So anyway, I'm actually super proud of him because like me, he was the only one from his batch in Dunman to go on to VJ. Unlike me, he was probably high profile. Heard he was one of the soccer players and a house captain. So cool right? :) Okay la, I have to admit, from afar, Ive always thought those people to be cool la.

Anyway, the last time I saw him, I was passing my C maths notes to him. And I'm still getting used to the fact that his voice's broken. I remember he was one of the cadets who stood out. See, when we were NCOs, we had this rather dumb practice of getting everyone to write reports on what they have learnt and what they liked or didnt like about the seniors. It was our supply of entertainment la. So this guy, Zeya, his English was superb la. I remember one of my friends had to check the dictionary for some of the words he used. Haha!
Now he's all grown up and quite charming really. He's still in NS but he'll be out next year and he'll be off to school.

The little meeting we had was surprising. I bet the conversation could have stretched on further if not for the fact that I had to rush off for my Dad's birthday and he and his friend (who reminds me of Najib :)) had to go off somewhere too. I know it sounds silly but the sheer coincidence of it, he elaborates the many coincidences that led up to our meeting very thoroughly on his blog, was amazing. So discovering that he dedicated an entire blog post on it makes the chance encounter even more special because its mutual.. :)

Ok la. Plus he said nice things about me.. .

"Her name's Farah, and she used to be my senior in Dunman Sec NPCC. I respected her alot because of her commitment, patience and other worthy virtues."

Hehehehehhehe...giggle giggle...hehehehe..worthy virtues????? Wait. Why are some of the words in past tense???

Still, gosh, Im such a sucker for compliments.

END POST~11.20am

Woke up at 11, can you believe that? The transition into slob mode seems almost instantaneous!

And I woke up feeling empty. No one home..and no one to talk to face to face...and no more work :(

Anyway, I was on the mrt yesterday when I was suddenly overwhelmed with sadness. I miss Farhana. I cant believe she wont be back for one whole year. Whenever I'm bored, she's like one of the first people I'd call up to hang out or to run or whatever. So when I found myself almost scrolling my phonebook to her name, I stopped myself and then it hit me. Gosh. I had to control my tears.

So I msged WinsTonne and Najib. They'd warn me that day when she left. I had told them something like "Wow, that was an emotionless send off", to which either winsTonne or someone said "Just you wait, it'll set in".
Argh.

But I guess once school kicks in, I'll have tonnes of things to do. Actually I have tonnes of things to do now but I just dont feel like doing anything.

ARGH!
Must. Move. Butt. Must. Do. Thesis. Proposal.

END POST~1.00pm

In a nutshell,

1. SIP has ended
2. My bestest and childhood friend has left Singapore
3. My wireless is finally repaired
4. Transformers is the best show Ive watched this year

1. SIP experience
I cant believe 2 months went by so quickly. I can still remember the day I was informed I would be attached to ppsd. I was jumping up and down and running all over the house screaming 'alhamdulillah'. (i was alone at home when the call came la). I can clearly remember my first day. I left my place later than I set myself to because I kept fussing in front of the mirror, checking my reflection and wondering if I look like an intern with a mission. I finally got myself to leave the house and made my way to city hall to meet up with karina, her friend and Parvin. We were all looking at each other and what the other was wearing, each wondering if what they had on was acceptable. So sua-ku right? I guess we were so used to the jeans and t-shirt get up la. At least I was. Anyway, we made our way to the auditorium and saw familiar people. I sat through the opening ceremony with a bit of skepticism and rolled my eyes a bit here and there. They were playing nursery rhymes over the PA system. I remember telling someone that there could be subliminal messages encripted in the melody or something. It turned out that the songs were part of an ice breaker game la. Each group was named after the title of a rhyme and we had to get the people of the same group to come together without talking or smt. Anyway, we got into our respective groups and pieced together a jigsaw. Our group was one of the fastest and so we won a goodie bag of chocolates :)

It was only after the official ceremony was over that me and the other interns got to know each other while waiting for our transport :) That was when I got really excited. We got to sit in one of those vehicles. So cool. Then we reached the place. Ok. Notice Im being superbly ambigious as to reveal where on earth my internship was and stuff? unless you know what's ppsd. Hee.. deliberate la. Mysterious right? Ask me in person and I shall tell. I signed some documents and stuff and Im afraid of breaching anything so ya. Ok ok, fine I admit. That's quite rubbish la. Im being evasive for no reason but but but it makes good conversation what. so I shall save it :P

Zoom to a couple of few weeks later, all 7 of us were buried neck deep in work. But the friendship we forged saw us through that period. Zoom forward to another few weeks and us interns went on a trip to Melaka together where we bonded a bit more. I can honestly say, not a day went by when we didnt burst out laughing. The chemistry was perfect. We were all so different yet we could still click. We're gonna form an hons support group :)

Also, as the days went by, I found myself clicking with the staff and the whole culture. I was so privilieged to have a boss/supervisor who treats interns to be equal as the rest of the staff. And he was kind enough to offer us one to one consultation on our career goals. I felt as if he was a mentor rather than a supervisor. Can you believe I had a chat with him for 4 hours straight? I hardly even noticed! But he renewed my hope in psych even more and I'm more than determined now that psych is what I want.

In fact, maybe its a bit bold for me to say this but I think Im sure that this is where I want to work. I believe in what they do. I can see myself fitting in with the org culture. I can see myself working under him and the other psychs. Gosh. I want this.

So anyway, I mean the past 8 weeks has been amazing. There's so much more I want to say but I guess I'll be satisfied to have them stored in my memory instead. Anyway, I've learnt so much about myself especially. And I'm blessed to have been able to get this opp. And the best thing is of course, the relationship Ive formed with the staff as well as the other interns.

2. Farhana left for Auzzie land
Have I mentioned how incredibly proud I am of her? Best Clinician award! Look out for her people. She's going to be the best physiotherapist in Spore I tell you. Well, anyway, she left last night/earlier this morning. I expected to be sad but strangely I didnt. She's the one person who can put up with my crap uncensored and likewise I with her. 14 years. But one year plus plus will pass quickly and besides, there's always msn and the phone :)

3. YES!! Finally wireless is repaired! This is so so good. I can surf from my room again!

4. I honestly thought the show would suck because I hated the cartoon when I was little. Each time the cartoon came on and my brothers watched in glued to the tv screen, I would walk off. But MY GOSH. The movie was fantastic! I was not bored for even one second la. MUST WATCH. Worth every single cent. The life reporter who reviewed the show knows nothing man. MUST MUST MUST okay?

And now, for my month long well deserved break! (wait, i have tonnes of things to do like clean my room, pick modules, apply for accomodation, submit my thesis proposals.....argh)

END POST~3.48pm

It was mainly us interns in the office yesterday morning and instead of doing anything productive, we got down to planning a weekend getaway :) So far everyone's excited but we're still in the midst of choosing a feasible place to go to given that we'd probably have only 2 and a half days, 29-1st. Hee. We have bigger plans actually. We're going to use this trip as a dry run to see if we can tahan each other's company. If we pass, then we may be backpacking SEA after grad :)

Anyway, Parvin had actually signed us up for the MILK run which is on the 1st. So going on the trip would mean forgoing the run. Then again, we all agreed that we'd rather go than run 5.3k without any training anyway.

Besides, there's always the Shape run in september!

Np gathering tmr evening. So far the response has been lukewarm but hey, its better than nothing. Haven't seen some of them since sec school!

And to you, thank you for responding to my previous post. I decided to email you at your gmail account. Did you receive it? I really hope so. HUG.

Today's a happy happy day :) Bought/Adopted a bean from mr bean like finally. Gosh, the bean's darn cute. Can't help looking at it. Heh, looks a little like my nudgie. And he said the one coming out next week looks a little like me when i smile. Hehe. I'll get that one too. So cute!!!!! Now i vaguely understand the weird hello kitty obsession. But but but, im not THAT obsessed la. Ok fine. My heart may have raced a little as i neared the shop. I had a dream that they sold out already. hehe.

Then i came home at 5.30 ish. I came home before the sun set! I came home and looked out of the window and enjoyed the lovely evening breeze, soaked in the soothing sight of empty roads and children playing at the playground...ahhhhh...
I guess the visit to changi prison (part of my internship programme) has really made me treasure my freedom. The sky, the wind and the colors all around me...so beautiful.

Happy happy happy. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

END POST~7.50pm

Im home! Nothing beats waking up after the sun rises and just doing my work in bed :) Today the boss has allowed us to do work away from work. Most of us will be heading down to the libraries to do our research. I'm leaving at 11 :)

So Ive just finished blog surfing. It seems like a luxury for me to do so these days. I love blogs. You get an update on friends. Unfortunately, I notice not many people are blogging much these days. Some blogs removed. Others abandoned. Then there's friends with no blogs.

I feel a disconnect.

What are you guys up to? Drop me an email la :)

Then there's this one friend. Used to be a dear friend. Still is I think. I have no idea what's happened to him. Ever since he started uni it seems like he's forgotten all about us. Its so tiring asking him out time and again. Is uni life so darn bloody busy? So busy you cant even spare a dinner date with us? I mean she's leaving next month you know. She's tired of reaching out to you and quite frankly, Im tired too. That's why I left you that msn msg and logged out. Im too tired/ afraid of being disappointed with your ambiguous reply. Gawd. We havent had each other's company for nearly a year. Heck, I dont know if you'll even read this. If you do, you know who you are. Get back to me ok? Sigh. It'll mean so much to her.
I have a lump in my throat now.

END POST~9.44am

It seems like a super duper long week has finally come to an end. My entire physical being was at a low over the past few days. As mentioned in my previous post, I was suffering from a bout of food poisoning. I haven't vomitted since jc. I absolutely hate puking. Bullimics are crazy. Then the diarrhea and the im-so-weak-and-im-not-hungry-at-all phase.

And I'm only still recovering.

Thanks for the get-well soon wishes :)

And of course, not forgetting, my special someone. It was 2 years on the 8th ;) I had a splendid time.

END POST~9.09pm

Food poisoning.

END POST~7.40pm

"I would hope that people might view their fellow beings, all beings, with more empathy, more compassion, with a desire to understand. Even if they can't know why people are the way they are, to understand that they're probably that way for a good reason." -screenwriter and author of the book "What's Eating Gilbert Grape," Peter Hedges

I finally got myself down to watching it the movie. Now I understand why Leonardo di caprio got an Oscar nomination for it. And finally I get to see johnny depp looking like a normal person.

I think I probably lost at least 20mg of tears watching the show.
Sigh. I'm too soft.

END POST~6.59pm

So the honours class briefing was yesterday. Looking around Lt 10, I couldnt help but feel a sense of accomplishment, comfort and camaraderie with the people around me. Although I barely know 50-60% of them, I've seen them before, taken modules or even shared tutorials with them. Accomplishment because I've made it. Comfort because of familiarity. Camaraderie because in a way, all of us went through 6 semesters at the same time and we're all going to face the same uncertainty, the same stresses in the final 2 semesters to come.

Meeting up with friends I haven't seen since semester ended also made things sweeter in a way. Gosh, its rather scary to imagine that in a year's time we'd all be busy working (or finding work) that we may not get to spend as much time together. Already, with the internship and all, I hardly see my friends and they hardly see me. Its quite sad really. Is this what it'll be like in future? The occasional dinners? Which is understandable really. Bearing in mind the numerous commitments one would have to juggle. I mean, at least in school, you get to mix friends with work. But then after graduation, work is work. Unless you manage to click with your collegues the same way you click with friends you've made since sec, jc or uni. which may probably be unlikely unless you consider friendships as superficial acquaintances. Seriously, are collegues really friend material? Can you really bitch about your boss or another collegue without knowing if your work friend may backstab you in order to gain one up against you? I guess I'm of the opinion that once you leave school for sure, you stop making real friends altogether. What do you think? To explain, think of it this way. The people you meet/met in school practically grew up with you. They've seen you on crappy days and on good days, went through the same shit with you and worked and played with you. They've seen you on a day to day basis so they know that your behaviour one day may not reflect or do justice to who you really are on good days. Collegues may take years to know you properly unless circumstances allows you to really get to know each other by working together on a project or whatever. Then again, there will always be this brick wall stopping you from getting close to a collegue because people have ambitions at work. In school, competition is very very different.

Ah well, here I am rambling about office politics and the possibility of forming friendships at work when I havent even gone through work proper. T'was a hypothesis. Needs to be examined.

But gut feeling? I think I may find myself hanging with the same bunch of people if fate has it that I stay in contact with them. And on the bright side, there'll always be a bunch of people I know who will keep me company when I need it. People at home :)

Anyway, super long post ah? Im not done yet. :) Guess what N and I did today? We were so lazy to do anything that involves walking around. Plus I wasn't in the mood to be in crowded places. Incidentally, malls and mrt's are getting more and more packed, with the school holidays and the GSS. So we decided to take buses we've never taken before and see where we end up. First, we took 72 from tamp interchange. The bus goes up to hougang interchange, ang mo kio and finally yio chu kang. The entire journey took only 45 mins! Quite scenic along tamp road and then tpe. Then we hoped onto 76 from yio chu kang, which then went pass ang mo kio, payar lebar and then siglap before looping back. That alone took 45 mins.Finally, we alighted and took 31 all the way back to tamp (which again took 45 mins).

Okay. Im done posting. I was thinking of something smart to say before I close this post but nothing comes to mind. ok. Im done.

END POST~10.29pm

Starsky and hutch's darn funny. "Do it". Hahahahhahahaha.

Work's work and we are starting to feel the heat. Interviews, meetings, datelines, testing, readings, la di da di das..

Results are out and ALHAMDULILLAH :) (Heh, first time I checked using the sms system and I quite like it!)

Maybe we're also feeling the heat cos of the results and the emails sent by the psych dept almost immedietly after, sending us into a frenzy to chope supervisors and start sending proposal and the ethics form before school begins ON TOP of work datelines.

Doesnt help that why's starting to breathe down my neck. But hey, I love that guy. Aced both his modules. :)Its in the stars man. He's meant to be my sup. I sound stalker-ish. And for the record, i may have skirmishes with him in future so im going to bite my tongue abt what i just said. Just in case.

Anyhoos, watched pirates with my whole family in conjuction with my sis's birthday. The 6 of us havent watched a movie together since Terminator 2 so you can imagine how delighted i was.

Upcoming movies Im looking forward to: Shrek 3, fantastic 4, simpsons the movie, transformers..what else ah? Cant quite remember.

Sale's on. GSS!

Anyway, its games day tmr and our dept's having a dodgeball competition. Interns vs staff. :) Which reminds me, i need to pack my stuff. Oh bother. What shall I wear tmr? hmm.

PS: karina, there's been a re-shuffle so i wont be seeing you at PCC on the 7th anymore :( but lets meet up after work ya? I end at 6 too :) Oh wait! You signed up for the same visit as moi so I guess i'll be seeing you on the 29th!

END POST~9.36pm

I'm always too tired to do anything when I reach home after work. Weekdays are pretty standard.

-wake up 6am
-leave 6.50
-reach at 7.30 (my bro gives me a lift)
-loiter till ard 8.15
-enter office at 8.30
-work
-lunch 12.30
-work
-leave office at 6pm
-meet najib for dinner
-reach home 8.30-9 (or if I dont meet him, i'll reach home by 7.15)
-plonk onto sofa
-maybe check emails
-shower
-pray
-sleep by 10-10.30

And the cycle continues. No tv. No time to read the papers. And I never seem to be able to finish any readings at home! The drudgery of the routine. Luckily, I quite like the working environment Im in. Interns are treated really really well. Nothing of the sort that Ive heard ppl saying how interns are pushed around. The other interns are great as well. And we keep eating and laughing a lot! Haha, parvin is seriously one heck of a funny person. Then there's hoiting, whom (I just found out) is melinda's former 2c classmate :). There's other nus psych ppl like willie, haikal, yeeman while grace is from queen's uni.

So the seven of us share this cosy little room with a round table and heh, we have 'bonding sessions' in which we play silly games like 'hangman' or 'uno' and 'heart attack' when the other psychs are in a meeting so to perk us up esp after lunch when we all feel sleepy. :) But of course, we also do work la. TONNES of research to be done man.

And Novena has changed A LOT since I worked at Iras. There's so many shops now that we cant decide where to have lunch most of the time.

Well, Im getting a bit more settled with working life.

I'm so darn blessed to get this intern opp. Opened my eyes a whole lot!

Anyway, the next time I blog will be the result aftermath. Insya-allah I did well enough to maintain my cap. I wasn't in peak form cos of some things at home and yeah. Sighs. But if its meant to be, its meant to be.

Ooh, hanging out the whole day with farhana today! We're going to watch Priceless starring Audrey Tatou :)

END POST~10.58am

I HATE charles and keith shoes. No thanks to the stupid material they used to make the shoes I wore today (but sigh,they look so good and rrrr..). Anyway, it cut into my skin leaving 9 freaking blisters. As I could hardly walk downhill (the building is on a hill(!)) for lunch, I bought myself another pair of shoes. My sis wont be pleased. She reluctantlt bought the cursed CK ones for me despite warning me about what would happen and it happened so now I can imagine her smiling with glee, rolling her eyes and saying "I told you so". Urgh.

Other than that misfortune, my nose was stuffed the whole day and if not for the half nostril of space for air to pass through, I wont be typing this right now.

I had a great first day nevertheless :) Im very excited of whats to come in the following weeks! :)

Wheee~

END POST~10.25pm

Chopped my locks a little and now it looks alive :) yay I feel happy. And the fringe thing? I have one now but strangely, it doesnt look as if I do.

Went to the dentist this morning after 5 long years :D (slides tongue over teeth...ahhh)

So I've settled two of the many things Im supposed to do over the vacation. Actually, I tried shopping but I gave up after trying a few tops. Then the bag. I havent found the one yet. Everything's either too big or small, too casual or too formal. And although I want a black one, the dark brown ones look lovelier yet they wont match black shoes. So till Ive found the perfect bag, I shant buy any.

My plan for today? Im going to slack at home. I haven't done that since exams ended. Besides, I need to recover before tomorrow when I begin life as an intern :) I want to be all ready to boot lick, suck up, apple polish, do more work than Im supposed to do, and be so super freaking 'on' that they'll never forget me (in a good way of course) and that they'd hire me when I grad.

Im quite excited to see my friends in formal wear too. I was looking at the email addresses and I recognised several names! So exciting. I wonder which dept/div they're posted to.

Meanwhile, my dear white blood cells, please get to work and engulf the darn virus. Come on B cells, what are you waiting for. Eat em up and kill em.

END POST~1.14pm

Yikes. My appointment at the hairdresser is in about 2 hours time and I have no idea what to do with the lump of thing on my head. I haven't had hair this long in ages. I think I havent cut my hair in over a year! So that means I have more options to do something with it. I know for sure that I cant carry off short hair. I'd look fine from the front but from the side? My chin's pointy so yeah. Witchy. Keep the long hair? Heavy and not easy to manage so i'd end up tying it like always. Bangs or no? My forehead isnt big so would I look funny with it..would i? The last time I had a fringe (pri5/6), it ended up being a bush plastered to my forehead.

Cutting hair is so stressful. Then again, Cheryl seems to find it therepeutic. But thats cos her hair is probably easy to cut/style/manage.

Ah well, if all fails, I'll just tie it up,wear a hat or smt.

Heard sad news from a friend..take care ya? HUG!

END POST~9.24am

The things I do for a piece of paper that I can attach to my resume.

I signed up for a Mental Health First Aid seminar. Hence Im here in school right now, typing this in the central lib during my lunch break cos I have no mood/appetite. Let me explain.

1) The MHFA is one of the most boring seminar ive ever been to. (see point 2 for 'on the other hand'). Ive covered the material during abnormal psych so I must say, Im rather disappointed. I suppose the 5 steps to assessing a situation and the action required is the only new stuff Ive learnt and even that can be covered in 3 hours max. Why must they drag the darn thing over 2 days? Oh I can rant even more about the course but whatever. In a few hours, I'll be certified as a mental health first aider.

2) Ok, so maybe it wasnt as boring (apparently everyone else seems engaged) but I am sick. No appetite. Irritable. Isolated. Quiet. Inattentive. Bitchy. That's me, when Im not well. Came down with a fever last night after watching Spiderman3 (worth 7 bucks..but there was this stupid woman in front who was chatting on her hp...i kicked her chair {what? I said i was irritable} but she still went on). Luckily the surround sound muffled her.
Then, I went home, feeling like crap on a crappy day, bundled myself in bed and wonder why the heck I paid $13.50 for a piece of paper.

AND because I paid the $13.50, I dragged myself all the way to school this morning so that I'd get that cert because if I dont come on both days, I wont get the darn thing and it'd be such a waste of money right?

But anyway, thank God lah. Im actually feeling much better today than yesterday :)

Hey, does anyone else get headaches when theyre put in a room with poor ventilation and are forced to inhale whiteboard marker fumes?

Darn. 20 mins before the seminar starts.

Aside: I need a bag.

Which reminds me...Where are my birthday presents ah? I know i know, im despicable and tak tahu malu (shameless) but Ive been waiting for people to get me stuff I need so I wont have to buy them myself (what? Id rather have things I need than things i dont right?) but I think I have been holding out for too long without them. Know what? Its high time I get them myself la. Ah well :) This means retail therapy for moi.

END POST~12.48pm

Dear GEK1527,

Im going to sit for you this Friday, 2.30pm. I'm not asking you to be easy on me. It doesn't matter because I am going to ace you either way, easy or not. Yes, I will. You just wait. I'm desperate you see. You have no idea how desperate I am. Besides, God will help me :) (I hope)

Anyway, till Friday. Heh, if all fails, there's always the normal distribution..and if I have to rely on that, I hope the paper will be darn hard. So everyone dies together.

And then I can say what Ive been saying since jc: 'I believe in the power of moderation' :)

Oh, I need that A. Insya-Allah.

END POST~8.47pm

Wah. 3 down, 1 more to go.

This week has been so long and Im glad its finally the weekend. My gosh, you cannot imagine the roller coaster Ive been going through. Im too lazy to type. Besides, I read that catharsis isnt that good.. particularly ruminating.

So instead of lamenting, Im going to CELEBRATE my surviving this week by doing NOTHING :) :) :)

Then I'll be refreshed and ready to go for my final paper MCQ (muahaha) this friday, 4th May :)

To all those with exams, press on. To those who have ended, good for you! And to those who have finished their last paper as an undergrad, CONGRATS! :)

Happy happy day!

PS: My nudgie got a scholarship. So so SOOOOOO proud of youuuuuu....heeeeeee....Alhamdulillah :)

END POST~7.25pm

Who are they kidding? Why do they insist that the accessibility to firearms is not the reason behind what happened? This one pro-arms fellow claimed that if the guy had the intention to kill, he would have anyway so people shouldnt pin the blame on the current law protecting the rights of people to bear guns.

Oh please, how can you shirk responsibility for what happened? Put it this way. I want to eat chocolate. If there's chocolate beside me and within easy reach of course I'll wolf it down. If I have to walk to the mama shop to get it, I'd be less likely to get it as it requires effort.

Ok. Bad analogy but you get the picture. One way or another the gun laws over there were at least a partly responsible catalyst to the disaster! Ban them I say! Why do you need them anyway?

Aside: Why has my PID report not been marked yet? This is so frustrating.

Aside aside: How I wish I have more days to mug. Not enough time. My fault entirely, though. I have bad time management. sigh.

END POST~11.37am

4 hours, 1 packet of sugar coated peanuts and a 95% eaten pack of Lakerol and Ive only covered 18 pages? This is outrageous!

Why cant I seem to focus? Gosh. There's so much stuff I have to cover and I realise that if I bloody want to get As, Ive got to do something and NOW!

Im grounding myself as of tmr. NO MORE OUTINGS for me. So sorry 02a53, guess I wont be joining you this sat after all.

Ive got to head on down for i/o tutorial now.

END POST~3.40pm

Now that the flurry of deadlines is over, I'm left with my last RVI test and 4 exam papers. This may be rather premature to say but I dont seem to be particularly stressed about the finals. I dont see it as the ultimate end. In fact, I'm hoping to just get them over and done with, of course with maximum effort, so that I can focus on the more important aspect of my undergraduate career-honours thesis.

I had a meeting with him today to discuss the possibility of a myriad of research questions. Its absolutely amazing how the guy can think of original and thorougly thought ideas. Then again, thats why he's a psych lect right? (sigh) I wonder if I'll ever be like that one day. To be able to come up with something brilliant. But for now, Im somewhat interested in one of his ideas. I will most likely develop something within the parameters of his suggestion. He's aiming for publication. Publication! All Im expecting out of this whole thesis exercise is experience and the knowledge that Ive done something tangible that I can be proud of before I leave nus-to have something published and placed in the central library. But to tinkle with the idea of publication in a psych journal as an undergrad? Phew! That would be incredible, wouldnt it? So what if he gains first authorship? At this junction in my (prospective) psych career, I wouldnt mind not being the lead investigator. I wilfully admit that Im in no position to do so anyway because Im still raw. That said, I have to work fast and come up with a rough draft lest another person 'chopes' this idea. Still, I am terrified at the looming workload after the discussion. Overwhelming. I have to consider the fact that I have 7 other modules to take within the year as well.

Looks like I'll have to drop my tuition kids. Any takers? Sec 2 and sec 3 maths. They're siblings living in tampines so you can teach them both for 4 hours straight over the weekend. I'm hoping to stop by this June so I am looking for someone who can take over and follow through to the next year. If you know anyone interested, please let me know as soon as possible ya?

I also went for the free health checkup today. I hate peeing in a cup. Although oddly, I enjoyed looking at how fast the cup fills. I never knew that one can pee so much.

Also, I finally spent the bulk of today at the table. Havent mingled there in a while and I really am happy that I did that. It was lovely seeing Linyen, Eugene, Chris, Nabil, Shaun O and the 'younger' ones. I must say, the guys are damn funny. I think they've gotten funnier. The exchange between them-simply hilarious. I havent laughed that much in quite some time. So witty yet lame at the same time :) Can always count on the table peeps to perk your day (give you advise, stone with you, talk with you, help you with work and more...) :)

And to my friend who's going through a tough time now...hang in there man. Things will look up! So smile, ya? :)

Aside: I hope the arts canteen is done by next sem. I want routine back. I dont want to have to think of where and what to eat anymore. Bah.

END POST~2.02am

So freaking boring. gargh.

I keep falling asleep while studying for issues in dev. Such a hot, sleepy day.

I tried sitting at my table to study but then my back, shoulder and neck started aching. I tried lying down and found out (not surprisingly) that i had successfully read only 1 page before concussing.

I want caffeine. But Im sick of coffee, tea and redbull. Coke does not work at all even though a few friends have suggested that.
Munching on food is getting mundane.
Music distracts.

How like that?

END POST~2.05pm

I cannot tahan when someone comments that I've put on weight. Especially when they say it with such wide-eyed disbelief like it's some contagious disease I have.

I KNOW ALREADY!

Im not bloody oblivious to the fact that I cant fit into some of my clothes. Or that my eyes are disappearing when I smile and my cheeks engulf them.

BUT Im doing something about it alright? And even though Im fatter, Im still fitter than a lot of those skinny people I know ok?

Sheesh.

I mean really, don't relatives have anything ELSE to talk about? Or is it because we meet once a year, so they have nothing to talk about, therefore heuristically, the only salient thing that comes to mind is appearance (here being my weight).

Bah. Cant you even say it with tact? My aunt went "WAH. Farah, youre SOO fat! what happened? you better be careful or else you become as fat as (insert cousin's name) who's SO fat now."

How would anyone react to such a thing? I merely retorted 'stress la'.
Then some kaypoh woman across the bed from my grandma's (nenek got hospitalised this morning for observation) said "Yah, these days, young people when stress eat so much". Erm, who are you again?

.......

I wanted to scream. But my poor grandma. I love my grandma too much to roll my eyes at that aunt in front of her. So as hurt as I was, I smiled. My purpose was to visit her, not the others.
Then I left the ward. I guess I'll go back when no one's there.

END POST~3.44pm

I LOVE WEEKENDS!!

Saturday is my favourite day of the week. I can wake up late, roll around in bed, do a little work here and there and simply relax, knowing that if all fails, I still have Sunday to catch up on work :)

After a rejuvenating 12 hour sleep, my mind is as fresh as a newly opened bag of potato crisps.

Im ready to munch again.

END POST~5.19pm

Wah. People are still online at this time? Just goes to show how everyone is busy with assignments and stuff.

I'm not going to sleep for yet another night. I just finished my personality report. In record time I might add.

Now, I have less than 13 hours to finish, print and go to school to hand in my essay. Why cant lecturers make full use of the internet and allow online submission? Then I wont have to go all the way to school! Plus I'll have more time. Roar.

Alrighty. I shall take a 15 minute break before plunging back into work.

END POST~3.11am

Oh my god.

Remind me to NEVER EVER simultaneously drink coffee and Redbull. I feel awful right now. Its as if there's an invisible hand strangling me.

I may hurl soon.

Gosh.

And oh man, im only into my 525th word of my 2000 word essay and I am stuck. STUCK.

Blah. I wont be sleeping till I at least finish a rough draft.

Which means I'll be zombified for tomorrow morning's issues in dev presentation.
Guess I'll be skipping I/o psych yet again.

END POST~1.47am

"Well since my baby left me (jeng jeng), bla bla bla bla blabla bla (jeng jeng) bla bla bla bla blab lablabl..heartbreak hotel...I feel so lonely..i feel so lonely, i could die.."

No idea why Elvis is in my head. Earworm begone!

Its 1.30am and I am awake. I am actually glad for this sudden bout of insomnia. I need all the time I can get.

I have a 60% essay AND a 35% report due THIS FRIDAY which thus amounts to 95% of a module. So dont be surprise if I ignore or scream at you anytime soon. I swear my patience is at an all time low.

Aside: Thank you to all those ppl who bothered to remember my birthday. I'm actually pretty big on the whole birthday thing so I get all excited and over the moon when I get a birthday msg. I feel so loved :) Yay :)
To those who forgot or cant be bothered (mutter mutter mutter..shake fist at you!)

Shout out to my baby. I love you so much :) Only you can tahan the crap I put you through eh?

END POST~1.37am

Its mind boggling why sanjaya is STILL in the running. I confess, I am an AI fan. But what's wrong with that? Some people are just anti-mainstream tv for the sake of being anti. What only. Then again, some people think they're so atas that they dont even watch tv.

Now that was a classic example of random angst.

Im suddenly in an angst kinda mood. so BUGGER OFF PEOPLE.

hee. i like typing that :) BUGGER OFF.

what a cute phrase. Imagine one buggering off.

La la la.

Datelines deadlines. Which should it be by right? date or dead?

achy neck. pms. no mood to type in coherent eng. whatever laaaaaaaaaaa. as long as i can codeswitch and ppl can understand me, then thats enough. sheesh.

I think i suffer from the spotlight effect. I swear sometimes i feel like people are observing me, judging me and waiting for me to slip and fall so they can feel good about themselves.
Does this make me neurotic? I should think so. Add that to paranoid and overly self conscious.

I blame the mid-semester rush for this post.

END POST~11.52pm

You cannot control the tragic things that happen farah.
But you can control the way you face up to them.

tragic=you procrastinate
tragic=you have tonnes of datelines
tragic=time flies

repeat...you can control the way you face up to them.....

Ooommmmmmm........

Aside: bishop or why?

Aside aside: since ive somewhat decided that I shall be taking the long and arduos journey to becoming a psychologist, i better pull my socks up and maintain this second upper because without a 2nd upper, i cant get into graduate school dammit. and without masters, i cant bloody be a psychologist.

OMMMMMMMMMMMMM..........

MUG MUG MUG!

END POST~4.30pm

My head is spinning.

OH MY GOSH!!!!! (x 3)

Excited, ecstatic, overwhelmed, blessed...woooohoooooo!!!!!!

First a job offer, now an intership I never expected to be selected for considering that only 1 vacancy was available...

I love love LOVE my life.

Things are looking up. Doors are opening up for me.

Alhamdulillah...

But now the toughest part...choosing..making a decision..which field should I choose? If I take the job, my future upon graduation is certain.
If I follow the job scope of the internship, my future would not be as certain but the challenges are exciting.
Its really difficult to choose because both fields are completely different. One is relational, the other, research/methodologically based.

God guide me.

END POST~5.30pm

My life has pretty much routine over the past few weeks. Which probably explains the lack of posts on this blog.

Other than the fact that Ive pretty much come up with a list of things I want for my 22nd, and that I can strike out one of the items since its already sitting pretty on the chair across from me (:D), I have nothing else to say.

Oh wait, other than the other fact that theres this someone chatting with me on msn. I have no idea who the heck he is, how the heck he added me when I never added him. Let's see now, DELETE and BLOCK. That would do the trick. Done.

(looks like Ive suddenly got plenty to say)

Finally a week without pressing datelines. I guess I should start on my 60% RVI essay. Ive yet to pick a question so I guess I'll research on all of them by today to help me decide.

But first, I shall watch Ugly Betty. My mom taped it for me because I was too sleepy to saty up. The time slot is crazy. I mean sundays at 1030 for a show thats not even PG? Why can't they show it at a more convenient timing like prime time? Dont they know people have classes/work the next day?

My wisdom tooth is growing and the tip of the tooth keeps brushing against my cheek that it hurts.

My throat hurts.

Now my head hurts.

Ooh, I went to watch a dance performance by Dance Synergy. I think I finally understand contemporary dance. There's a story to all the prancing about on stage! :)

Genes and soc test was tricky.

My RVI tutor is hot and darn smart la. Swoon.
But I love my nudgie :) Yes, even more than Wentworth.

(Ok,now ive run out of things to say)

Happy a53 day!

END POST~1.21pm

I wish I had paid more attention during EL1101. Morphemes, Phonemes, Morphology, Phonetics, Phonology, Semantics, Pragmatics, Auxillaries, Modifiers, Articles, Lexical et cetera. I finally gained some insight into what these mean.

Thank you to my friends majoring in English. I salut you for having such passion and 'acquired taste' for the technicalities and complexities of the English language.

On that note, I realise that I have been shortchanging myself when it comes to expressing my thoughts verbally. I realise that I have a limited vocabulary which results in my having to use words which are either inappropriate or nonsensical.

Amazing how a 2 hour lecture on language development and subsequently a 2 hour art history/appreciation lecture makes me reflect on how I need to improve myself and how much I am missing out on in terms of using the right words to describe how I feel or how things are.

Aside: People who think psychologists or the study of psychology predominantly deals with Freudian theories (one of which is the ever famous black couch scene aka free association) or hand-holding counselling sessions should hit themselves. Hard.

END POST~1.11am

Have you ever roused from a mid-afternoon nap to a peculiar sensation of calm and confusion? When you feel completely serene, your senses seem sharper yet numb, as you look at the clock, look out the window, walk around the house and realize nobody’s home? Solitude then creeps inside and you feel vulnerable. You are not even consciously conscious and yet somehow you are because how can you think otherwise. Then slowly, the bubble surrounding you ebbs away, your sense of balance, hearing, sight, smell and touch unites and is restored, your mind/consciousness reels from the surroundings and back into your body. Then everything is normal.

And you type as much as you can about the transient experience you went through, hoping your command of language is adequate enough to capture/describe the strange event.

Ahh.. Afternoon naps.

END POST~4.23pm

Computers positively hate me.

END POST~12.18pm

Frustrated

Irritated

Feeling blah

All and more for no known reason.

Mood swing?

END POST~12am

I was just about to say that people I know haven't been blogging much lately till I saw Yx's blog. Its amazing how she can remember so many details of a day out and blog about it. And I really enjoy reading about them.

So yesterday was my first two tests for the semester. Ok la. I/o was do-able. Unfortunately there's negative marking so I'll just have to wait and see how it goes. The RVI test was over too soon. As in, he flashed the art work for only a few minutes and we had to hastily write our thoughts before the next work is flashed. Stressful man..especially since I have to memorise the title, date, and artist of the paintings/sculptures. Doesnt help that chinese landscape paintings have superbly long names like Li Cheng's 'Scholar walking on mountain path in early spring' or Ma Yan's "Viewing plum blossoms by moonlight" and bla bla bla. And the hardest painting to intepret, Tao Chi's "Man in a house beneath a cliff" came out. Like what the? All I could talk about was the erratic brush strokes and man's desire to be completely engulfed by nature. How brilliant and intepretation is that?! SIGH.

Anyway, as soon as the long day was over (I end wednesdays at 9), I felt as if the world was off of my shoulders.

Also, I think I may have thought of a potential research question for my would-be-if-i-do-well-enough-this-sem thesis.

Yay. Happy day.

END POST~11.40pm

My face is on the new FASS webpage!!!

Giggles. This is hilarious. Where on earth did they get the pic? I mean it was definitely taken during one of the open houses...heh, pic of linyen, xiaoyan, me, justina and eugene in front of the Swaps banner :)

Im famous.

Right.

Okay, back to mugging for two tests tmr.

END POST~5.20pm

I may possibly regret saying this in a few weeks time, but can the CAs and term papers come in already? Im getting bored. Give me homework, assignments... SOMETHING to work for.

Thanks.

Yet another unproductive week ahead I suspect.

If there's a pile of work to be done, I whine. And if there isnt sufficient work to be done to stimulate my brain, I whine as well. Im weird la.

Heading to school soon for a total of 4 hours of lesson. And my total travelling time amounts to 3 hours. Hmm.

Im off!

END POST~9.00am

-Tuition in the morning
-Family time in the afternoon
-Dinner/Chill out with friends in the evening.

A well spent Sat I must say. :)

Im super tired. I didnt get enough sleep last night. I just got home and I cannot wait to konk out in bed after I shower and pray. No idea why im online now though. I guess its habitual of me to check my emails once I get home. Its the idea of settling stuff before the shower. Showering is therepeutic. Alone time. It always feels good after a shower.

I finally got my foot 'diagnosed'. So my hunch was correct. The pain Ive been feeling on my right foot is really due to a sprained ankle. But its a mild sprain so I just need to rest it out for a bit. Think the slipper Ive been wearing to school is not good at all. I highly doubt its the run on monday...but the run on thurs aggravated it I suppose.

On that note, Nadeem,Rauf and Farhana are helping me to ease into running on a daily basis. Imagine my horror when Nadeem, the ex-platoon sergeant-who-runs-8 minute 2.4km- and several- marathons- a year- and- who- probably- doesnt- breathe- while- running- and- who -can- run- as- fast- as- a- speeding- bicycle told me of this new regiment. To which, I said "How about my hair?! I cant wash it everyday cos its too dry" And he woke me up with "Lose the fats or lose the hair? Both can grow but which would you want not growing?" Something like that la. And as Najib says, my hair has been ruling my life and I make little things trouble me for no reason.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. BUT I have a sprained ankle. So chill, guys. And yes, hair is renewable (at least in this phase of my life).

Yawn. Off to shower.

The bed beckons. :)

END POST~12.10am

My tummy is rumbling. Another 2 hours before dinner so its pointless to eat now.

I ended my first reading visual images tutorial today. Alas, the tutor wasnt as aesthetically pleasing as I thought he was when I saw him during the first lect. What? It is a module on emphasising the power of the visual. :P

Anyhoos, I have been assigned my topic of presentation. Actually, I chose to do "The body as an ideal and displayed: The figure in renaissance and baroque art" because somehow, the tutorials wont be covering "Utopia and the subconscious: Constructivism and Surrealism". Alas, S.Dali, lecture alone it will be.

I wonder which angle I should approach the topic from. Something concise and interesting. I dont want to bore the class. Plus two other people are presenting on the same topic. It'd be rather repetitive, wouldn't it?

Weekend, Hello!

END POST~5.12pm

Its February already! Goodness, how time flies! And and and, we're into the 4th week of school! yikes! I have barely touched my texts! But I must say, I am somewhat gaining momentum.

After personality lect yest, which I must say, was one of the most interactive lectures Ive had this sem, Im more convinced that i should be working my butt off. You know how it is that in this land, people are too shy to speak up in class for fear of looking like a fool? Well, it wasnt as such during the lect. People were genuinely asking. Not to appear like a snob nor to waste time but out of the sincere quest to clear their doubts. So it started when the lecturer paused to let us digest what he had said. A girl asked him to clarify something and then the whole LT was silent. You see, this particular lecturer is well, one of those that many students are afraid of especially to be snapped at by. In any case, he was absolutely genial about it and soon, an onslaught of questions came in. Intelligent ones I might add and Ive certainly understood more about the topic than before. I felt intellectually stimulated and it felt brilliant.

During the break, I approached the same lecturer to discuss the possiblity of him supervising me if i should do a thesis and once again, he was really helpful and the more I talked to him about it, the more convinced I am that i have to pull my CAP up so I can do a thesis without risks.

But results aside, I am hungry. Hungry for knowledge. I want to know more. Learn more. Research more. Ask more. I have to cease seize this opportunity now..to immerse myself in academics...to soak up the books, journals, information available at my fingertips..and enjoy the beauty of being an undergraduate, a learner, a student. After all, studying is quite a luxury if you think about it.

END POST~11.14am

Oh!!! I get it! Its there but the stupid blogger toolbar or whatever is blocking it!

Ahh..

END POST~9.34am

Wednesday, 31st January 2007

I havent been blogging lately since I've changed from the old blogger to the new one. Why? Because I cant understand why the dates of my post dont appear. Do i have to manually do this with each post? Like this one? I dont get it! Ive checked the settings and it seems perfectly fine.

So where on earth did the date go?

Changes are already bad enough. Tech changes are worse!

Someone, please help me.

END POST~9.32am

I know that I've blogged a lot about how I want to exercise and the very fact that I blog about either about running or swimming attests to how rare and therefore eventful-worthy they are. Im hoping to change that. I want it to become a consistent part of my schedule.

Other than the fact that I removed 1/4 of my wardrobe due to, ill-fitting reasons (pun intended), I have been getting signs from my body that I need to adopt a healthier lifestyle. I think my body is protesting against my sedentary lifestyle and it's time I heed her advise to do something.

That said, Im going to go all mushy now. I am absolutely grateful for having him in my life.
My rock. My pillar. My strength.

Also, I have finally found motivation to start doing my readings. I think its because tutorials start this week and people around me seem prepared and now Im scared shitless that I'd be left behind unless I do something about it.

Aside: Ooh, I bought myself a green top with a mandarin collar. I love love love it. Im going to make sure I wear it at least 5 times this semester.

END POST~2.19pm

I am 3 to 4 shades darker.

Dont get me wrong, Im not one of those people who appreciates being roasted by the sun to have a bronzy shade. Nope. I absolutely cannot tahan when people bask in the sun for the sole purpose of soaking up UV rays so as to appear healthier. I mean come on. The whole being- tanned thing is to reflect that you've been active, doing something outdoors isnt it?
Which is why I dont get people who go to the swimming pool only to lie down somewhere to get fried, without even touching the water.

Anyway, I have no prob with being dark. After all, it'll fade away with time. But for now, my eyes have to get used to this. I suppose it isnt that bad. Just that the juxtoposition of the fairer, unexposed areas to the sunkissed ones probably magnifies the difference.

Had a great time today. Swim, eat, shop.
Ps: Yx and Just..we cant afford to spend so much time on subsequent mondays okie?

Aside: I miss Pema. She's my semester butt-kicker. She's in Grenoble now and so I wont have my weekly motivating cum bitching sessions anymore. Well, at least till she comes back. Pema wrote me a nice long email today. Its so different the way she writes as compared to the way she talks. She uses such flowery language. I took a long time crafting a reply so I wont sound so stupid. Heh. So if you're reading this, you better not delete the email.
Gosh, school just isnt the same without you.

Darn, think im starting to peel. Need to find moisturiser. Now.

END POST~8.15pm

*SNIFFS*

Blocked nose begone.

Thats it. Im going shopping. Cant take it anymore. I shall head on down to Marina sq after school on Tuesday on grab that top. After all, now that tuition has resumed, I think I can afford to :)

I cant believe Ive been teaching her since she was sec 1. Now she's in sec 3 and Im gonna have to start polishing up on my trigo and other A maths stuff. Can you imagine, certain things I learnt in C maths are now in their syllabus? Partial fractions for one.

Im also teaching her sister after a one yr hiatus. Apparently she flunked her sec 1 exams. Good news for me :) KACHING. Unfortunately, direct and inverse proportions are back to haunt me. Gosh, I absolutely HATE those questions. You know, those kind which asks "12 men take 7 hours a day to built bla bla in 9 days. How many hours a day will it take 9 women to built the bla bla in 16 days".

ARGHHHHHHHH. I just dont get them. Give me Differentiation. Integration. Trigo. Fractions. Algebra. Graphs. Statistics. Anything!! Just not those darn questions.

*sniffs*

END POST~10.27pm

Spent almost the whole day with the bf after a whole week of not seeing him. And I must say, I behaved rather childishly when I met him. You see, I wasnt feeling well and wasnt in the mood to dress up so I wore my usual pink tshirt jeans ensemble, the usual school get up. Besides, he usually wears either his blue or black shirts so no biggie. But when i saw him today, he was wearing a SHIRT. A collared blue and white stripes long sleeve shirt with jeans and sneakers, as if he's going clubbing...(And he looked amazing. *Faints*) and then I went "what? now i feel like crap cos i look horribly slack next to you".

Of course he was hurt. Considering Ive chided him before for not bothering to dress up when we go out but then when he does, i..la la la...

But im of the opinion that when a couple goes out, its ok if the guys dresses like a slob and the girl nicely. But if its the other way round? Its just weird la. I can substantiate my point but its 11pm and I cant be bothered. Look me up if you want an explanation. :)

Moving on, it was only after i decided that it was just me feeling slobbish to begin with, and hence changing my mindset that the day went on perfectly.

We went to karaoke. Haha. I know! But we wanted to try out new activities together instead of just the usual meal and bla blas. I must say, it is quite fun huh? And that coke with lemon drink thingy is addictively delicious. Its really good for the throat too.

Also, we watched Pan's Labyrinth. It reminds me of Brothers' Grimm a little but definitely darker, serious and a tad freaky. I am still trying to find out what if there's a deeper meaning to the show because I have an inkling there is. But i cant seem to figure it out.
PS: Yunxian, I think you'll like the show.

So another week before I can see him again. Blah.

Aside: Saw two tops at marina square today. One with lovely pink and white stripes and the other a red t-shirt. Should i? Should i? Hmm.

END POST~11.10pm

Seeing Yx's posts on her shopping spree makes me want to shop too. Sigh. But until I resume tuition and get my monthly dues, my wallet is pretty much tight.

Had my first Reading Visual Images lecture yesterday. The lecturer is one of those old-school type of profs, the really articulate kind who can string his sentences with words so cheem that for once I really felt like I was studying in a university. Its hard to explain. Sigh. I want to be as eloquent as him.

And either the lecture rooms at SDE are hot and poorly ventilated or that the belt i was wearing last night was tight or that it was the onset of my flu..I felt extremely light headed after class. Was practically swaying to my left as I was walking home.

Not in the DL but its ok. Im satisfied nevertheless :) Motivation for this sem perhaps?

I really should start on some readings soon.

God, loved ones and studies. Nothing else matters.

END POST~1.30pm

I WANT to run now but I have no one to run with..wish i could run alone at night but im a coward. So I guess I should just do some crunches or something....Ahh..lazy la.

Ive got myself some buddies to gym/swim with every monday though :) We start next week.

As of just now, I officially have a 3 day week. Which is great since I dont like travelling all the way to school at all and I study better at home. Besides, Im planning to utilise my free days to the optimum so it doesnt mean im any free-er thank you very much.

That said, think maybe I should stretch before I sleep. Stiffness begone!

END POST~11.17pm

DONE! Done! DONE! Resume is complete.

Next, the FAQ and the health psych article.

And then I can move on to real school work.

Need to buy I/O text soon. I hope the co-op has stock. :) Still havent touched Personality text yet..cant wait to just bury my face in it. haha.

Okay, i got to get ready soon or else yunxian and justina will be vexed. heh.

END POST~4.31pm

Today I learnt that the richest of people dont necessarily dress the part.

END POST~8.54pm

Oh my gosh.

You know how it is that sometimes you listen to a song on the radio and you like it but you never know who its by? And then when you find out you're sort of relieved..

Well, I just realise (thanks to youtube) that so many songs I like are by Lifehouse! Blind is by them...Take me away is by them...i wont be surprise to find more.

That means, if i actually do get their CD, it wont be a waste of money. Not like other Cds wherein only one or two tracks is nice but the rest suck.

Hint: My birthday is coming. Fine, 3 months time.

END POST~2.04pm

I used to crave and horde responsibility. Now I shrug it off, run away from it, dare i say fear it. Escapism has always crept into my life every now and then but lately, I notice that it has engulfed me.

I want to engage myself in more activities but with every commitment comes responsibility. And ive let myself become so afraid of it that i choose to stand on the sidelines. I fear compromising my free time. I fear not being able to do what I want as and when i want. I fear looming deadlines and impending engagements. Underlying all these is the fear letting others down, of being viewed as incompetent and irresponsible and above all, of being judged.

The sidelines offer solace. Ive had my time in the centre of things. And so now I stand and look on, even though the currents beckon and threatens to pull me away from the shore.

END POST~10.21pm

-Bon Jovi-

-Bryan Adams-

-Richard Marx-

-Roxette-

-LeAnn Rimes

Bobbing head.

END POST~5.12pm

Does anyone out there listen to Lifehouse?

I remember I first heard 'Breathing' when they just started out and I liked the song. I can remember the words to it but i just cant seem to remember the melody because another one of their songs is stuck in my head, "Everything".

Then theres 'Hanging by a moment' and 'You and Me'.

Anyway, if anyone of you happen to listen to them and have their cd, let me know. Im eager to listen to the rest of their tracks. If im not wrong they're into their third album already.

So, anyhoos, share because you care :P

END POST~11.58pm

I am overwhelmed by the lazy bug.

I wake up late.

I cant even sit down and write my resume.

I dont feel like starting any nuspsyche writer's stuff.

I dont feel like buying my textbooks (okay...actually now that ive mentioned it, maybe I do. I cant help the excitement of getting new books 8-) Yes, nerd alert.)

My head is in the clouds. Someone, ground me now.

Hmm. What to wear to school later. Tough. Tough indeed.

END POST~10.29am

Back to school.

Post holiday blues.

Im not ready yet to hit the books.

First lesson of the semester- PL38800A.

Modules im taking this semester:-

1) GEK 1527- Genes & Society
2) GEK 1025- Reading Visual Images
3) PL 3241- Personality & Individual Differences
4) PL3239- Industrial & Organisational Psychology
5) PL3880A- Issues in Developmental Psychology

I WANT STRAIGHT As!

Insya-Allah :)

Altogther now...i love school. I love school. I LOVE school!

END POST 11.21am

I absolutely love love loveey Bangkok!!!

Its the ultimate shopper's paradise! I dont see how singapore can ever beat bangkok in terms of the variety and price of the items there! The only gripe i have is finding really really good quality stuff at dirt cheap prices since you can also find them in singapore at comparable prices. Im not saying that they arent good quality stuff..there are! *faints*

Gosh, i mean really, the variety...those tops, bags, shoes, slippers, belts, earrings, caps...in all colours and cuttings...

And this may be a hasty generalisation but i find that bangkok women are well, more trendy than singaporeans...and they tend to be smaller in size? I dont know..

Bangkok, I'll be visiting you again!

END POST~4.45pm

Im off to Bangkok!

Will be back at night on the 7th!

Shopping shopping shopping for me!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

END POST~11.41pm

New year countdown parties? What is the point really? Im really amused from watching snippets of the new year party promo on tv. There's images of large throngs of people gyrating happily as if there is no tomorrow. Other than an easy excuse to get pissed drunk, I dont quite see the point.

Fine, if you want to celebrate having lived 2006 the way you did, or if you want to celebrate the coming of a new year and the expectations you hope for the new year, why large parties with anonymous people you dont know who might step on your toes, brush against you, take your place on the already packed bus/mrt or even steal your taxi as you try to get home?

Why not spend it with people you love? Unless you love all of mankind and want to share your new year with people you have never seen and even if you see them in future along some interchange, you wouldnt even smile at (for fear that the person thinks you mad because he/she was too stoned to remember who the heck you are).

Unless the people who go there are a bunch of lonely people who need to be surrounded by thousands of people to..i dont know..feel loved?

Or perhaps a whole bunch of friends go together then i suppose its somewhat ok.

Either way, its a free world. If it makes people happy (like advertisers and whoever, and of course the attendees) then so be it.

The world needs to be happy once in a while. And maybe, i dont know, large parties sort of bring people together and the happy bug spread from one person to another so everybody's happy.

World peace.

Gosh, this post started out pretty much ok but im losing content and im rambling.

Aiyah, whatever la. Bottom line is, I'd rather stay home :)

Happy New Year to you. May 2007 be a blessed year for everyone :)

END POST~12.14am

My nudgie baby is back!!!! At long last :)

Night at the museum is a wonderful show to watch.

Happy happy day today.

END POST~11.57pm

I was partially shaking when i clicked 'login'.

Was not expecting much for the results this time..didnt have a good feeling about it this time..but then...

ALHAMDULILLAH!!!!!!!

Allah loves me. HE really really does.

:)

END POST~12.19pm

wow.

Results of module preallocation are out already! I logged into IVLE accidentally (my fingers automatically logged into it since its my home page) and walaa! Two modules came out.

So, i got preallocated social cognition and issues in developmental psychology...

I WANTED PERSONALITY AND I/O.

gargh. This means i have to bid. But the sad case that i am, i wont be here to bid for them because i stupidly did not check the bidding schedule when i booked my bangkok tickets.

ARGH!!!!!!

I suppose issues in developmental psych is ok. I mean, it seems like a natural progression from dev and adol..but social cog?? I hear its Eddie Tong teaching and he's supposed to be good and all....but i wanted I/O dammit.

And i absolutely want personality. Personality, i/o and issues in dev. That was the plan.

Oh dear. Then again, if i give up i/o, i can take breaths that i want to take but that clashes with it...but then again, im depleting my level 3000 options and if i dont take it now, i'll never get to take i/o again!!!!

ARGH!

Tired.

Going out is not supposed to be like this. Im exhausted. And it doesnt help that there's so many other meet-ups I have to do before I fly off/school starts. Dont get me wrong. I want to meet with whomever I have arranged to. Its just that I have no idea why I am feeling...taxed.

I need a day off to myself. A holiday away from holidays.

YAWN.

END POST~12.24am

Finally! I havent been able to access blogger for days now.

I have a very important announcement. *Erhem*

I AM IN LOVE WITH WENTWORTH MILLER.

The guy is hot hot sizzling HOT! Those eyes..so intense...

Sigh. see la. Watching episode after episode of prison break..

Anyhoos, if anyone sees him around singapore (if he decides to come), send him my way. Or if you know any worthy wentworth lookalike..this way please.

Yes, yes, I heart najib too. There's enough love to go around.

Realise that when the bf is not around, I
1) bitch more
2) eat less
3) plan what i eat carefully
4) spend less

Except for number 1, Im hoping to maintain 2, 3, 4.

And what's this I hear that some people managed to hack into the school system and obtain their results? No fair. Why cant they just release it since its available already?

Reading Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. A social cognition book i suspect because it deals with how impression formation can occur in the first 2 seconds and how accurate it can be. It challenges the conventional "think thoroughly before you make a decision" mentality. I'm still at chapter 1 but so far its been a page turner.

Note to self: Book bkk hotel by this week.

Great. Its 11.04am. I have to leave soon. I have to lug myself all the way to school for a meeting. So freaking lazy. WHY SCHOOL darn it?!

END POST~11.05am

And so, he's on the plane right now. On his way to Kashmir.

And so, 12 whole days here without him.....

But gosh, do I have so many things to do!

1) RUN, crunches, whatever. I'm sick of my fat cells accumulating, choking my arteries. Time to burn them off. I say this all the time but Im really really meaning it now. This semester has been a particularly down down down period in my health and I suspect that my weight has something to do with it. To a fitter me!

2) Meet up with ye ole friends.
I desperately want have at least one date with
-Farhana, Winston, Nadeem, Rauf, Manju, Tini, Shikin, Briony, Wid,
-Adeline, Ave and the magnificent 02a53 people
-Shareena
-Pema!!!!!! Before you leave...noooo.....sobs.
-Yunxian (again...heh) and the ever busy bumbling bee that is karina, and of course, chris!!

3) Tidy my room.

4) Find modules. Im in need of 1 more breadth and 1 more UE. Please help me!! Im clueless as to what to take. In particular, non-examinable modules with individual projects or MCQ finals would be great. Heh.

5) That darn resume that Ive put off from writing. I need to get it done by this year's end.

Aside:
Watched Eragon yesterday. To quote a character, 'I expected more....well, more."
After LOTR, you would think that movies would step it up but this show is a shallow regression back to the era of The Never-Ending story and Dungeons and Dragons. Even those two are much better in plot. Eragon is predictable and the characters lack depth. I suppose the movie is meant to be for children under 12 because adults would yawn at the simplicity in visual and mental stimuli, what with chessy predictable, redundant dialogue and barely there battle sequences.

Save your money. Borrow the DVD if you must.

END POST~12.55pm

Finally a jam-packed day in my holiday.

Went for physio appointment in the wee hours of the morning (10am!!) over at nus. The physiotherapist said that I wont need to go for follow-ups anymore. Which is great I suppose although curiously my back still hurts.

Spent almost an entire day with yunxian. Gosh, I miss her. Just spending time with her and talking from one topic to another. It was fun trying to find the ever elusive victoria's secret warehouse sale while it was raining...and trying to erhem, figure out the correct size. I think I'm just weird la. Heh, and yes, thank you for honestly pointing out to me that I am in need of exercise.

Aside: Bumped into Ms choo at the sale. Heh, funny how the first thing she said was "you're from norman's batch right?". Someone clearly left an impression to have an entire batch associated with him.

Went to a friend's party after that. I was rather honoured that Fiza invited me considering that i was never part of her clique in jc. In fact, we merely had malay class together for the first 3 months and briefly played softball together. Naturally, I didnt know that many people well enough to freely and un-self-consciously be myself. Gosh, parties can be awkward huh? I mean, in situations like those what on earth do you talk about? Fortunately, fezah was super nice and include me where possible. I really appreciate that a lot. And I actually made new friends. Actually, we bonded cos we didnt know anyone else either.

By the time I wanted to leave, I knew I couldnt make it in time to Kim's. Im super sorry again babe. Really. :(

My darling and his friend zul picked me up afterwards and we decided to go for drinks cos najib wanted to blanja zul because he accompanied him while waiting for me. We went down to pasir ris park where there's this beach bar. I recommend this place to anyone who wants to just chill at night. Its quiet, you get the sea breeze, you get to sit under the stars and most importantly, the music is good. It's located around carpark D or E if Im not wrong. It's the last carpark. The place closes at 2am.

Wah, I hate mosquitoes man. Twenty-two bites on my left arm alone. DIE MOZZIES!

END POST~2.31am

A women's health magazine I recently read reported that a study published in the British Journal Of Sports Medicine found that women with ring fingers longer than their index fingers performed better at running and associated sports such as soccer and tennis.

So I looked at my fingers. Ring finger longer than index finger.

And I chuckled.

Like what my stats lecturer says, you can find significant correlations between the size of your toe and your intelligence quotient but it doesnt mean much on the bigger scale of things.

So go on, check your fingers. It could either reassure you of your athlethic prowess or make you giggle in shame at what you could have been given the right environment (right...)

Gosh I love psychology.

END POST~12.12pm

Every single december, I end up with a cold/flu/sniffles/whatever its called.

Oh, the clogged nose, the heavy head, the neckache.

How am i suppose to have a great day out tmr with my nudgie in this state? He's leaving for a family vacation this friday and wont be back till after christmas. I really hope tomorrow is a sunny happy day and I'll be able to breathe through both nostrills.

Anyway, im happily staying home today. Its pouring and there's no where else I'd rather be but snuggle up in bed with my pillow and blanket, with my laptop and connected to the world.

Rolls.

END POST~5.38pm

Ok, my presumably well-travelled friends..

Farah is planning to go to Bangkok next month with her family. I have insisted that the trip be free n easy so I am wondering if you guys know of places which we MUST go to when we're there.

Considering that the tagboard has limited text space, perhaps you can email me, yes?

Thanks!

END POST~11.45am

Why must high heels be so nice to wear and yet not nice to wear at the same time?
My poor toes.

Today, I made my virgin trip to the north, beyond novena by train. I learnt that the train surfaces at Bishan, and Ang Mo Kio is near Serangoon, and it is strangely under Aljunied GRC (unless I saw the poster wrongly)

What a strange place the north is, no?

I also learnt that chocolate royale cake from sweet secrets is absolutely sinfully scrumptious.

And dropping a case of powder is heart-breaking because the cake cracks and the powder seems to pore through the lid and end up all over your bag. Does anyone know any nifty trick to ensure that the cracked bit of the powder cake doesnt expand anymore?

Aside: Was watching the local news at charmaine's place and im really convinced that the local media is beginning to really become weird because they're beginning to report unnecessary events.

Event 1: A couple got married at Ben & Jerry's today. Apparently they met in NUS in their first year but only went out after..bla bla..another couple got married at some reservoir.

Event2: Some dudes in Egypt have long curly moustaches.

I mean really, what is this? Ripley's believe it or not? The daily gossip channel? I dont give a hoot where those two people met or why they chose to have their ceremony there. And the moustaches? Er..

Talk about newsworthiness.

END POST~1.18am

I used to read the newspapers dutifully but not anymore. Im so sick of news. They're the same things over and over again. And some articles are not as newsworthy and you wonder how they even made it to print.

So yet another article about the growing gap between the perceived 'elite' class and the middle class in singapore prompts me to say this...

If there is a gap, then instead of bitching about it, do something about it NOW.

Aside: How can anyone enjoy watching that disgusting (in every sense of the word) show which just ended its run on channel 5? "A finer life" or something like that, hosted by some singer and some mtv vj. I mean, who the heck gives a damn about how rich people spend their money in ways that would rile every fibre of your prudent being?

The producers should be shot. (Disclaimer: i say this in jest, just a little disclaimer since there's been a lot of blog sensitivity issues. I dont want to be dragged into a libel/slander lawsuit.)
Such decadence should not be promoted. Its just bleeping unhealthy!

And no, i have not watched a single episode. Merely the short advertisement snippet.
I cringe everytime I see the lady host gush/swoon/command-hair-to-stand over chi-chi fru-fru things.

Oh please.

END POST- 10.50am

First day shopping and nothing. Hurray for my wallet but what a downer for my ego.
Why cant things FIT anymore?!

Wanted to buy this red top but nooo, it had to cling to my tummy. Everything else is either sleeveless or well, sleeveless. And I dont have fantastic arms to flaunt.

Vivocity seems like another marina square to me. Too bright, too sparse. They should really dim the lights down.

Auntie Anne's sells delicious cinnamon sugar pretzels.

Tong Seng sells mouth-watering wantan mee. Ive counted. Always 7 wantans in a bowl :)

Happy Feet is hilarious. I want a baby penguin to squeeze. Oh gosh, they're so freaking cute!

Theme parties. Why? I am a boring self-conscious person. Theme parties scare me. I guess if you're driving or being driven to the party, it would be ok. But to take public transport and get stared at by people because of the weird themes your friends come up with?

Im beginning to wonder if people still read my blog. The tagboard has been inactive in quite a while that its beginning to depress me. I wanna feel loved, people. TAG ME NOW and SHOW ME SOME LOVE!

Boo.

Aside: My grammar gone already. Had to edit this post and Im pretty sure there are still mistakes somewhere.

END POST~11.32pm, thurs

Yay! After hours of searching I've finally found something pleasant and that doesnt have cheesy wannabe philosophical statements all these blogskin people seem to attach to their designs.

So what do you guys think? Huh huh huh? :D

Must thank my darling nudgie's lil sister for helping me edit the template :)

Anyway, exams are over!

I cannot wait to go shopping. I need clothes. Tops. Bottoms. Bags. Footwear.

Vivocity, Ikea Tamp, I shall make my virgin trip to thee!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee~

Uninspired

Definitely need a new blogskin.

When the dust settles too soon..

How many times have i ranted and raved on my blog about the power of procrastination and the inertia to begin work?

countless.

So what's another post? :)

I am on holiday mode. And i have an inkling as to why i feel this way. Its the 'whoosh' feeling after meeting all the datelines..where you give yourself one day to recuperate and then another and then oh boy, uve wasted 3 days.

Thought a morning swim would give me a fresh start to today but i was wrong. It only made me physically tired. (although the swim was brilliant and the breakfast (mom made waffles with butter and golden syrup) was story-book-ish. like those enid blyton books where all they do is play and after that they have a sumptious meal)

And the weather!! Its either gorgeously warm and beautiful with clear blue skies or its nice and cosy thunder stormy...

note of the day: wearing contact lenses is not gonna protect you from the Z monster.

Right. sigh, the book(s) beckons.

Two down

This has been one of the most trying weeks of my undergraduate career.

Trying is an understatement.

My dad asked my if im going to be on the dean's list again.

I told him 'No'.

If I do, great. But who am i kidding?

Whatever, chin up farah. You've done your best.
Three more papers.
Do you best and leave the rest to Allah.

Dodge

I am sleepy. I wasnt sleepy half an hour ago but i think i may konk out in a bit. My fingers are already weak typing these words.

Adol quiz. Entire syllabus. Intended to study for finals while Im at it since I may have no time later. Oh boy, i may have no time later. I just hope I do well...

Back ache acting up since I was spending 75% of my time sitting at my desk.
Physio appointment tmr at 11.30. Cant believe i have to travel all the way for a 15 minute appt. ?!

I am anticipating a hectic week.

I have a presentatiton and a report due for Lab in health. Total 70% of my grade.

I have a position paper and a final quiz for Eva Acad Arg. Total 60% of my grade.

Then that'll be 2 modules down.

The rollercoster analysis of data may potentially be coming to a conclusion. Thanks to a lecturer who's super savvy in stats and SPSS, our data looks promising again. :)

Im feeling a bit uneasy at having joined the new Psych soc sub committee for publicity. I joined because I wanted to have an extra-curricula activity again after a long hiatus. Actually, its been only one sem since I had a eca. Netball doesnt really count cos its recreational, plus I havent been going. But then now, I am afraid of commitment. I wont be able to skive off work and stuff cos the people in the committee and the main one itself are my friends. So then, its personal. gargh. I am not afraid to say it again. i am afraid of commitment and an increasing time away from studies...and slacking time...I am so afraid of being consumed and boiled down in the soc. I know this sounds weird and stuff but the experience in the 18th com, while enriching and stuff, showed me that i am not good at juggling my time. I tend to get lost.

I just want to be a part of it but at the same time, I want to have the chance to say 'No' to stuff assigned to me, without feeling guilty. The problem is, I dont want people to think that i sign up but then im a slack member who's irresponsible.

The bottom line is, Farah is a chao mugger who puts her grades first in her school domain. Everything else is secondary. I dont want to feel obliged, particularly, emotionally obliged to participate. At the same time, I want to have fun...and I want to be a part of something else besides classes, etc...

Sigh, whatever lah. First thing's first. I need to start serious mugging like tonight.
Im sick of self-handicapping myself by procrastination and not putting in all i can because I am afraid of failure.

I am afraid. yes, I am. But i have no time to be afraid anymore. I just need to do my best and focus on the task at hand.

One step at a time.

Thanks..

Pema,Melinda, Cheryl, Yunxian, lab groupmates, kweeting, daphne, kyle, xiaowen and everybody else who showed concern and helped me get around in school over the last 2 days.

Im so grateful and touched....

I am loved! heheeee :)

Went to the doc and I got myself pain killers and a referral to a physio.

Im feeling slightly better today. Im able to take bigger and faster steps.

Progress!

Poised

Its not that I am. I just happen to walk like that because of the intense pain shooting at my back each time I take a step larger than 15 cm.

If not for the fact that I am adamant in not missing classes and in not cancelling my meetings, I would probably be in bed right now.

If not for the SSC trip and a desperate meeting for my lab's data analysis, I would be in bed tmr.

Not that being in bed=not doing anything. I'd be in bed doing work.

I'm still trying to settle on a position for my GEM argument essay. Sigh. From what I've read on the forum, it seems like my classmates have been doing a lot of research in the right places. Oh dear.

I really wish I suddenly wake up one day (like tmr) with the knowledge of how to use SPSS at my fingertips. I know what Im looking for. I just dont know which buttons to press and that is tremendously irritating.

Anyhoos, my ride home is coming soon. Heh, if not for the fact that my nudgie insists I take a cab home, I'd be shuffling myself to the mrt stat and back home.

Oh, the pros of having a bf who manja-s you :)