So the honours class briefing was yesterday. Looking around Lt 10, I couldnt help but feel a sense of accomplishment, comfort and camaraderie with the people around me. Although I barely know 50-60% of them, I've seen them before, taken modules or even shared tutorials with them. Accomplishment because I've made it. Comfort because of familiarity. Camaraderie because in a way, all of us went through 6 semesters at the same time and we're all going to face the same uncertainty, the same stresses in the final 2 semesters to come.

Meeting up with friends I haven't seen since semester ended also made things sweeter in a way. Gosh, its rather scary to imagine that in a year's time we'd all be busy working (or finding work) that we may not get to spend as much time together. Already, with the internship and all, I hardly see my friends and they hardly see me. Its quite sad really. Is this what it'll be like in future? The occasional dinners? Which is understandable really. Bearing in mind the numerous commitments one would have to juggle. I mean, at least in school, you get to mix friends with work. But then after graduation, work is work. Unless you manage to click with your collegues the same way you click with friends you've made since sec, jc or uni. which may probably be unlikely unless you consider friendships as superficial acquaintances. Seriously, are collegues really friend material? Can you really bitch about your boss or another collegue without knowing if your work friend may backstab you in order to gain one up against you? I guess I'm of the opinion that once you leave school for sure, you stop making real friends altogether. What do you think? To explain, think of it this way. The people you meet/met in school practically grew up with you. They've seen you on crappy days and on good days, went through the same shit with you and worked and played with you. They've seen you on a day to day basis so they know that your behaviour one day may not reflect or do justice to who you really are on good days. Collegues may take years to know you properly unless circumstances allows you to really get to know each other by working together on a project or whatever. Then again, there will always be this brick wall stopping you from getting close to a collegue because people have ambitions at work. In school, competition is very very different.

Ah well, here I am rambling about office politics and the possibility of forming friendships at work when I havent even gone through work proper. T'was a hypothesis. Needs to be examined.

But gut feeling? I think I may find myself hanging with the same bunch of people if fate has it that I stay in contact with them. And on the bright side, there'll always be a bunch of people I know who will keep me company when I need it. People at home :)

Anyway, super long post ah? Im not done yet. :) Guess what N and I did today? We were so lazy to do anything that involves walking around. Plus I wasn't in the mood to be in crowded places. Incidentally, malls and mrt's are getting more and more packed, with the school holidays and the GSS. So we decided to take buses we've never taken before and see where we end up. First, we took 72 from tamp interchange. The bus goes up to hougang interchange, ang mo kio and finally yio chu kang. The entire journey took only 45 mins! Quite scenic along tamp road and then tpe. Then we hoped onto 76 from yio chu kang, which then went pass ang mo kio, payar lebar and then siglap before looping back. That alone took 45 mins.Finally, we alighted and took 31 all the way back to tamp (which again took 45 mins).

Okay. Im done posting. I was thinking of something smart to say before I close this post but nothing comes to mind. ok. Im done.

END POST~10.29pm

Starsky and hutch's darn funny. "Do it". Hahahahhahahaha.

Work's work and we are starting to feel the heat. Interviews, meetings, datelines, testing, readings, la di da di das..

Results are out and ALHAMDULILLAH :) (Heh, first time I checked using the sms system and I quite like it!)

Maybe we're also feeling the heat cos of the results and the emails sent by the psych dept almost immedietly after, sending us into a frenzy to chope supervisors and start sending proposal and the ethics form before school begins ON TOP of work datelines.

Doesnt help that why's starting to breathe down my neck. But hey, I love that guy. Aced both his modules. :)Its in the stars man. He's meant to be my sup. I sound stalker-ish. And for the record, i may have skirmishes with him in future so im going to bite my tongue abt what i just said. Just in case.

Anyhoos, watched pirates with my whole family in conjuction with my sis's birthday. The 6 of us havent watched a movie together since Terminator 2 so you can imagine how delighted i was.

Upcoming movies Im looking forward to: Shrek 3, fantastic 4, simpsons the movie, transformers..what else ah? Cant quite remember.

Sale's on. GSS!

Anyway, its games day tmr and our dept's having a dodgeball competition. Interns vs staff. :) Which reminds me, i need to pack my stuff. Oh bother. What shall I wear tmr? hmm.

PS: karina, there's been a re-shuffle so i wont be seeing you at PCC on the 7th anymore :( but lets meet up after work ya? I end at 6 too :) Oh wait! You signed up for the same visit as moi so I guess i'll be seeing you on the 29th!

END POST~9.36pm

I'm always too tired to do anything when I reach home after work. Weekdays are pretty standard.

-wake up 6am
-leave 6.50
-reach at 7.30 (my bro gives me a lift)
-loiter till ard 8.15
-enter office at 8.30
-work
-lunch 12.30
-work
-leave office at 6pm
-meet najib for dinner
-reach home 8.30-9 (or if I dont meet him, i'll reach home by 7.15)
-plonk onto sofa
-maybe check emails
-shower
-pray
-sleep by 10-10.30

And the cycle continues. No tv. No time to read the papers. And I never seem to be able to finish any readings at home! The drudgery of the routine. Luckily, I quite like the working environment Im in. Interns are treated really really well. Nothing of the sort that Ive heard ppl saying how interns are pushed around. The other interns are great as well. And we keep eating and laughing a lot! Haha, parvin is seriously one heck of a funny person. Then there's hoiting, whom (I just found out) is melinda's former 2c classmate :). There's other nus psych ppl like willie, haikal, yeeman while grace is from queen's uni.

So the seven of us share this cosy little room with a round table and heh, we have 'bonding sessions' in which we play silly games like 'hangman' or 'uno' and 'heart attack' when the other psychs are in a meeting so to perk us up esp after lunch when we all feel sleepy. :) But of course, we also do work la. TONNES of research to be done man.

And Novena has changed A LOT since I worked at Iras. There's so many shops now that we cant decide where to have lunch most of the time.

Well, Im getting a bit more settled with working life.

I'm so darn blessed to get this intern opp. Opened my eyes a whole lot!

Anyway, the next time I blog will be the result aftermath. Insya-allah I did well enough to maintain my cap. I wasn't in peak form cos of some things at home and yeah. Sighs. But if its meant to be, its meant to be.

Ooh, hanging out the whole day with farhana today! We're going to watch Priceless starring Audrey Tatou :)

END POST~10.58am

I HATE charles and keith shoes. No thanks to the stupid material they used to make the shoes I wore today (but sigh,they look so good and rrrr..). Anyway, it cut into my skin leaving 9 freaking blisters. As I could hardly walk downhill (the building is on a hill(!)) for lunch, I bought myself another pair of shoes. My sis wont be pleased. She reluctantlt bought the cursed CK ones for me despite warning me about what would happen and it happened so now I can imagine her smiling with glee, rolling her eyes and saying "I told you so". Urgh.

Other than that misfortune, my nose was stuffed the whole day and if not for the half nostril of space for air to pass through, I wont be typing this right now.

I had a great first day nevertheless :) Im very excited of whats to come in the following weeks! :)

Wheee~

END POST~10.25pm

Chopped my locks a little and now it looks alive :) yay I feel happy. And the fringe thing? I have one now but strangely, it doesnt look as if I do.

Went to the dentist this morning after 5 long years :D (slides tongue over teeth...ahhh)

So I've settled two of the many things Im supposed to do over the vacation. Actually, I tried shopping but I gave up after trying a few tops. Then the bag. I havent found the one yet. Everything's either too big or small, too casual or too formal. And although I want a black one, the dark brown ones look lovelier yet they wont match black shoes. So till Ive found the perfect bag, I shant buy any.

My plan for today? Im going to slack at home. I haven't done that since exams ended. Besides, I need to recover before tomorrow when I begin life as an intern :) I want to be all ready to boot lick, suck up, apple polish, do more work than Im supposed to do, and be so super freaking 'on' that they'll never forget me (in a good way of course) and that they'd hire me when I grad.

Im quite excited to see my friends in formal wear too. I was looking at the email addresses and I recognised several names! So exciting. I wonder which dept/div they're posted to.

Meanwhile, my dear white blood cells, please get to work and engulf the darn virus. Come on B cells, what are you waiting for. Eat em up and kill em.

END POST~1.14pm

Yikes. My appointment at the hairdresser is in about 2 hours time and I have no idea what to do with the lump of thing on my head. I haven't had hair this long in ages. I think I havent cut my hair in over a year! So that means I have more options to do something with it. I know for sure that I cant carry off short hair. I'd look fine from the front but from the side? My chin's pointy so yeah. Witchy. Keep the long hair? Heavy and not easy to manage so i'd end up tying it like always. Bangs or no? My forehead isnt big so would I look funny with it..would i? The last time I had a fringe (pri5/6), it ended up being a bush plastered to my forehead.

Cutting hair is so stressful. Then again, Cheryl seems to find it therepeutic. But thats cos her hair is probably easy to cut/style/manage.

Ah well, if all fails, I'll just tie it up,wear a hat or smt.

Heard sad news from a friend..take care ya? HUG!

END POST~9.24am

The things I do for a piece of paper that I can attach to my resume.

I signed up for a Mental Health First Aid seminar. Hence Im here in school right now, typing this in the central lib during my lunch break cos I have no mood/appetite. Let me explain.

1) The MHFA is one of the most boring seminar ive ever been to. (see point 2 for 'on the other hand'). Ive covered the material during abnormal psych so I must say, Im rather disappointed. I suppose the 5 steps to assessing a situation and the action required is the only new stuff Ive learnt and even that can be covered in 3 hours max. Why must they drag the darn thing over 2 days? Oh I can rant even more about the course but whatever. In a few hours, I'll be certified as a mental health first aider.

2) Ok, so maybe it wasnt as boring (apparently everyone else seems engaged) but I am sick. No appetite. Irritable. Isolated. Quiet. Inattentive. Bitchy. That's me, when Im not well. Came down with a fever last night after watching Spiderman3 (worth 7 bucks..but there was this stupid woman in front who was chatting on her hp...i kicked her chair {what? I said i was irritable} but she still went on). Luckily the surround sound muffled her.
Then, I went home, feeling like crap on a crappy day, bundled myself in bed and wonder why the heck I paid $13.50 for a piece of paper.

AND because I paid the $13.50, I dragged myself all the way to school this morning so that I'd get that cert because if I dont come on both days, I wont get the darn thing and it'd be such a waste of money right?

But anyway, thank God lah. Im actually feeling much better today than yesterday :)

Hey, does anyone else get headaches when theyre put in a room with poor ventilation and are forced to inhale whiteboard marker fumes?

Darn. 20 mins before the seminar starts.

Aside: I need a bag.

Which reminds me...Where are my birthday presents ah? I know i know, im despicable and tak tahu malu (shameless) but Ive been waiting for people to get me stuff I need so I wont have to buy them myself (what? Id rather have things I need than things i dont right?) but I think I have been holding out for too long without them. Know what? Its high time I get them myself la. Ah well :) This means retail therapy for moi.

END POST~12.48pm

Dear GEK1527,

Im going to sit for you this Friday, 2.30pm. I'm not asking you to be easy on me. It doesn't matter because I am going to ace you either way, easy or not. Yes, I will. You just wait. I'm desperate you see. You have no idea how desperate I am. Besides, God will help me :) (I hope)

Anyway, till Friday. Heh, if all fails, there's always the normal distribution..and if I have to rely on that, I hope the paper will be darn hard. So everyone dies together.

And then I can say what Ive been saying since jc: 'I believe in the power of moderation' :)

Oh, I need that A. Insya-Allah.

END POST~8.47pm

Wah. 3 down, 1 more to go.

This week has been so long and Im glad its finally the weekend. My gosh, you cannot imagine the roller coaster Ive been going through. Im too lazy to type. Besides, I read that catharsis isnt that good.. particularly ruminating.

So instead of lamenting, Im going to CELEBRATE my surviving this week by doing NOTHING :) :) :)

Then I'll be refreshed and ready to go for my final paper MCQ (muahaha) this friday, 4th May :)

To all those with exams, press on. To those who have ended, good for you! And to those who have finished their last paper as an undergrad, CONGRATS! :)

Happy happy day!

PS: My nudgie got a scholarship. So so SOOOOOO proud of youuuuuu....heeeeeee....Alhamdulillah :)

END POST~7.25pm

Who are they kidding? Why do they insist that the accessibility to firearms is not the reason behind what happened? This one pro-arms fellow claimed that if the guy had the intention to kill, he would have anyway so people shouldnt pin the blame on the current law protecting the rights of people to bear guns.

Oh please, how can you shirk responsibility for what happened? Put it this way. I want to eat chocolate. If there's chocolate beside me and within easy reach of course I'll wolf it down. If I have to walk to the mama shop to get it, I'd be less likely to get it as it requires effort.

Ok. Bad analogy but you get the picture. One way or another the gun laws over there were at least a partly responsible catalyst to the disaster! Ban them I say! Why do you need them anyway?

Aside: Why has my PID report not been marked yet? This is so frustrating.

Aside aside: How I wish I have more days to mug. Not enough time. My fault entirely, though. I have bad time management. sigh.

END POST~11.37am

4 hours, 1 packet of sugar coated peanuts and a 95% eaten pack of Lakerol and Ive only covered 18 pages? This is outrageous!

Why cant I seem to focus? Gosh. There's so much stuff I have to cover and I realise that if I bloody want to get As, Ive got to do something and NOW!

Im grounding myself as of tmr. NO MORE OUTINGS for me. So sorry 02a53, guess I wont be joining you this sat after all.

Ive got to head on down for i/o tutorial now.

END POST~3.40pm

Now that the flurry of deadlines is over, I'm left with my last RVI test and 4 exam papers. This may be rather premature to say but I dont seem to be particularly stressed about the finals. I dont see it as the ultimate end. In fact, I'm hoping to just get them over and done with, of course with maximum effort, so that I can focus on the more important aspect of my undergraduate career-honours thesis.

I had a meeting with him today to discuss the possibility of a myriad of research questions. Its absolutely amazing how the guy can think of original and thorougly thought ideas. Then again, thats why he's a psych lect right? (sigh) I wonder if I'll ever be like that one day. To be able to come up with something brilliant. But for now, Im somewhat interested in one of his ideas. I will most likely develop something within the parameters of his suggestion. He's aiming for publication. Publication! All Im expecting out of this whole thesis exercise is experience and the knowledge that Ive done something tangible that I can be proud of before I leave nus-to have something published and placed in the central library. But to tinkle with the idea of publication in a psych journal as an undergrad? Phew! That would be incredible, wouldnt it? So what if he gains first authorship? At this junction in my (prospective) psych career, I wouldnt mind not being the lead investigator. I wilfully admit that Im in no position to do so anyway because Im still raw. That said, I have to work fast and come up with a rough draft lest another person 'chopes' this idea. Still, I am terrified at the looming workload after the discussion. Overwhelming. I have to consider the fact that I have 7 other modules to take within the year as well.

Looks like I'll have to drop my tuition kids. Any takers? Sec 2 and sec 3 maths. They're siblings living in tampines so you can teach them both for 4 hours straight over the weekend. I'm hoping to stop by this June so I am looking for someone who can take over and follow through to the next year. If you know anyone interested, please let me know as soon as possible ya?

I also went for the free health checkup today. I hate peeing in a cup. Although oddly, I enjoyed looking at how fast the cup fills. I never knew that one can pee so much.

Also, I finally spent the bulk of today at the table. Havent mingled there in a while and I really am happy that I did that. It was lovely seeing Linyen, Eugene, Chris, Nabil, Shaun O and the 'younger' ones. I must say, the guys are damn funny. I think they've gotten funnier. The exchange between them-simply hilarious. I havent laughed that much in quite some time. So witty yet lame at the same time :) Can always count on the table peeps to perk your day (give you advise, stone with you, talk with you, help you with work and more...) :)

And to my friend who's going through a tough time now...hang in there man. Things will look up! So smile, ya? :)

Aside: I hope the arts canteen is done by next sem. I want routine back. I dont want to have to think of where and what to eat anymore. Bah.

END POST~2.02am

So freaking boring. gargh.

I keep falling asleep while studying for issues in dev. Such a hot, sleepy day.

I tried sitting at my table to study but then my back, shoulder and neck started aching. I tried lying down and found out (not surprisingly) that i had successfully read only 1 page before concussing.

I want caffeine. But Im sick of coffee, tea and redbull. Coke does not work at all even though a few friends have suggested that.
Munching on food is getting mundane.
Music distracts.

How like that?

END POST~2.05pm

I cannot tahan when someone comments that I've put on weight. Especially when they say it with such wide-eyed disbelief like it's some contagious disease I have.

I KNOW ALREADY!

Im not bloody oblivious to the fact that I cant fit into some of my clothes. Or that my eyes are disappearing when I smile and my cheeks engulf them.

BUT Im doing something about it alright? And even though Im fatter, Im still fitter than a lot of those skinny people I know ok?

Sheesh.

I mean really, don't relatives have anything ELSE to talk about? Or is it because we meet once a year, so they have nothing to talk about, therefore heuristically, the only salient thing that comes to mind is appearance (here being my weight).

Bah. Cant you even say it with tact? My aunt went "WAH. Farah, youre SOO fat! what happened? you better be careful or else you become as fat as (insert cousin's name) who's SO fat now."

How would anyone react to such a thing? I merely retorted 'stress la'.
Then some kaypoh woman across the bed from my grandma's (nenek got hospitalised this morning for observation) said "Yah, these days, young people when stress eat so much". Erm, who are you again?

.......

I wanted to scream. But my poor grandma. I love my grandma too much to roll my eyes at that aunt in front of her. So as hurt as I was, I smiled. My purpose was to visit her, not the others.
Then I left the ward. I guess I'll go back when no one's there.

END POST~3.44pm

I LOVE WEEKENDS!!

Saturday is my favourite day of the week. I can wake up late, roll around in bed, do a little work here and there and simply relax, knowing that if all fails, I still have Sunday to catch up on work :)

After a rejuvenating 12 hour sleep, my mind is as fresh as a newly opened bag of potato crisps.

Im ready to munch again.

END POST~5.19pm

Wah. People are still online at this time? Just goes to show how everyone is busy with assignments and stuff.

I'm not going to sleep for yet another night. I just finished my personality report. In record time I might add.

Now, I have less than 13 hours to finish, print and go to school to hand in my essay. Why cant lecturers make full use of the internet and allow online submission? Then I wont have to go all the way to school! Plus I'll have more time. Roar.

Alrighty. I shall take a 15 minute break before plunging back into work.

END POST~3.11am

Oh my god.

Remind me to NEVER EVER simultaneously drink coffee and Redbull. I feel awful right now. Its as if there's an invisible hand strangling me.

I may hurl soon.

Gosh.

And oh man, im only into my 525th word of my 2000 word essay and I am stuck. STUCK.

Blah. I wont be sleeping till I at least finish a rough draft.

Which means I'll be zombified for tomorrow morning's issues in dev presentation.
Guess I'll be skipping I/o psych yet again.

END POST~1.47am

"Well since my baby left me (jeng jeng), bla bla bla bla blabla bla (jeng jeng) bla bla bla bla blab lablabl..heartbreak hotel...I feel so lonely..i feel so lonely, i could die.."

No idea why Elvis is in my head. Earworm begone!

Its 1.30am and I am awake. I am actually glad for this sudden bout of insomnia. I need all the time I can get.

I have a 60% essay AND a 35% report due THIS FRIDAY which thus amounts to 95% of a module. So dont be surprise if I ignore or scream at you anytime soon. I swear my patience is at an all time low.

Aside: Thank you to all those ppl who bothered to remember my birthday. I'm actually pretty big on the whole birthday thing so I get all excited and over the moon when I get a birthday msg. I feel so loved :) Yay :)
To those who forgot or cant be bothered (mutter mutter mutter..shake fist at you!)

Shout out to my baby. I love you so much :) Only you can tahan the crap I put you through eh?

END POST~1.37am

Its mind boggling why sanjaya is STILL in the running. I confess, I am an AI fan. But what's wrong with that? Some people are just anti-mainstream tv for the sake of being anti. What only. Then again, some people think they're so atas that they dont even watch tv.

Now that was a classic example of random angst.

Im suddenly in an angst kinda mood. so BUGGER OFF PEOPLE.

hee. i like typing that :) BUGGER OFF.

what a cute phrase. Imagine one buggering off.

La la la.

Datelines deadlines. Which should it be by right? date or dead?

achy neck. pms. no mood to type in coherent eng. whatever laaaaaaaaaaa. as long as i can codeswitch and ppl can understand me, then thats enough. sheesh.

I think i suffer from the spotlight effect. I swear sometimes i feel like people are observing me, judging me and waiting for me to slip and fall so they can feel good about themselves.
Does this make me neurotic? I should think so. Add that to paranoid and overly self conscious.

I blame the mid-semester rush for this post.

END POST~11.52pm

You cannot control the tragic things that happen farah.
But you can control the way you face up to them.

tragic=you procrastinate
tragic=you have tonnes of datelines
tragic=time flies

repeat...you can control the way you face up to them.....

Ooommmmmmm........

Aside: bishop or why?

Aside aside: since ive somewhat decided that I shall be taking the long and arduos journey to becoming a psychologist, i better pull my socks up and maintain this second upper because without a 2nd upper, i cant get into graduate school dammit. and without masters, i cant bloody be a psychologist.

OMMMMMMMMMMMMM..........

MUG MUG MUG!

END POST~4.30pm

My head is spinning.

OH MY GOSH!!!!! (x 3)

Excited, ecstatic, overwhelmed, blessed...woooohoooooo!!!!!!

First a job offer, now an intership I never expected to be selected for considering that only 1 vacancy was available...

I love love LOVE my life.

Things are looking up. Doors are opening up for me.

Alhamdulillah...

But now the toughest part...choosing..making a decision..which field should I choose? If I take the job, my future upon graduation is certain.
If I follow the job scope of the internship, my future would not be as certain but the challenges are exciting.
Its really difficult to choose because both fields are completely different. One is relational, the other, research/methodologically based.

God guide me.

END POST~5.30pm

My life has pretty much routine over the past few weeks. Which probably explains the lack of posts on this blog.

Other than the fact that Ive pretty much come up with a list of things I want for my 22nd, and that I can strike out one of the items since its already sitting pretty on the chair across from me (:D), I have nothing else to say.

Oh wait, other than the other fact that theres this someone chatting with me on msn. I have no idea who the heck he is, how the heck he added me when I never added him. Let's see now, DELETE and BLOCK. That would do the trick. Done.

(looks like Ive suddenly got plenty to say)

Finally a week without pressing datelines. I guess I should start on my 60% RVI essay. Ive yet to pick a question so I guess I'll research on all of them by today to help me decide.

But first, I shall watch Ugly Betty. My mom taped it for me because I was too sleepy to saty up. The time slot is crazy. I mean sundays at 1030 for a show thats not even PG? Why can't they show it at a more convenient timing like prime time? Dont they know people have classes/work the next day?

My wisdom tooth is growing and the tip of the tooth keeps brushing against my cheek that it hurts.

My throat hurts.

Now my head hurts.

Ooh, I went to watch a dance performance by Dance Synergy. I think I finally understand contemporary dance. There's a story to all the prancing about on stage! :)

Genes and soc test was tricky.

My RVI tutor is hot and darn smart la. Swoon.
But I love my nudgie :) Yes, even more than Wentworth.

(Ok,now ive run out of things to say)

Happy a53 day!

END POST~1.21pm

I wish I had paid more attention during EL1101. Morphemes, Phonemes, Morphology, Phonetics, Phonology, Semantics, Pragmatics, Auxillaries, Modifiers, Articles, Lexical et cetera. I finally gained some insight into what these mean.

Thank you to my friends majoring in English. I salut you for having such passion and 'acquired taste' for the technicalities and complexities of the English language.

On that note, I realise that I have been shortchanging myself when it comes to expressing my thoughts verbally. I realise that I have a limited vocabulary which results in my having to use words which are either inappropriate or nonsensical.

Amazing how a 2 hour lecture on language development and subsequently a 2 hour art history/appreciation lecture makes me reflect on how I need to improve myself and how much I am missing out on in terms of using the right words to describe how I feel or how things are.

Aside: People who think psychologists or the study of psychology predominantly deals with Freudian theories (one of which is the ever famous black couch scene aka free association) or hand-holding counselling sessions should hit themselves. Hard.

END POST~1.11am

Have you ever roused from a mid-afternoon nap to a peculiar sensation of calm and confusion? When you feel completely serene, your senses seem sharper yet numb, as you look at the clock, look out the window, walk around the house and realize nobody’s home? Solitude then creeps inside and you feel vulnerable. You are not even consciously conscious and yet somehow you are because how can you think otherwise. Then slowly, the bubble surrounding you ebbs away, your sense of balance, hearing, sight, smell and touch unites and is restored, your mind/consciousness reels from the surroundings and back into your body. Then everything is normal.

And you type as much as you can about the transient experience you went through, hoping your command of language is adequate enough to capture/describe the strange event.

Ahh.. Afternoon naps.

END POST~4.23pm

Computers positively hate me.

END POST~12.18pm

Frustrated

Irritated

Feeling blah

All and more for no known reason.

Mood swing?

END POST~12am

I was just about to say that people I know haven't been blogging much lately till I saw Yx's blog. Its amazing how she can remember so many details of a day out and blog about it. And I really enjoy reading about them.

So yesterday was my first two tests for the semester. Ok la. I/o was do-able. Unfortunately there's negative marking so I'll just have to wait and see how it goes. The RVI test was over too soon. As in, he flashed the art work for only a few minutes and we had to hastily write our thoughts before the next work is flashed. Stressful man..especially since I have to memorise the title, date, and artist of the paintings/sculptures. Doesnt help that chinese landscape paintings have superbly long names like Li Cheng's 'Scholar walking on mountain path in early spring' or Ma Yan's "Viewing plum blossoms by moonlight" and bla bla bla. And the hardest painting to intepret, Tao Chi's "Man in a house beneath a cliff" came out. Like what the? All I could talk about was the erratic brush strokes and man's desire to be completely engulfed by nature. How brilliant and intepretation is that?! SIGH.

Anyway, as soon as the long day was over (I end wednesdays at 9), I felt as if the world was off of my shoulders.

Also, I think I may have thought of a potential research question for my would-be-if-i-do-well-enough-this-sem thesis.

Yay. Happy day.

END POST~11.40pm

My face is on the new FASS webpage!!!

Giggles. This is hilarious. Where on earth did they get the pic? I mean it was definitely taken during one of the open houses...heh, pic of linyen, xiaoyan, me, justina and eugene in front of the Swaps banner :)

Im famous.

Right.

Okay, back to mugging for two tests tmr.

END POST~5.20pm

I may possibly regret saying this in a few weeks time, but can the CAs and term papers come in already? Im getting bored. Give me homework, assignments... SOMETHING to work for.

Thanks.

Yet another unproductive week ahead I suspect.

If there's a pile of work to be done, I whine. And if there isnt sufficient work to be done to stimulate my brain, I whine as well. Im weird la.

Heading to school soon for a total of 4 hours of lesson. And my total travelling time amounts to 3 hours. Hmm.

Im off!

END POST~9.00am

-Tuition in the morning
-Family time in the afternoon
-Dinner/Chill out with friends in the evening.

A well spent Sat I must say. :)

Im super tired. I didnt get enough sleep last night. I just got home and I cannot wait to konk out in bed after I shower and pray. No idea why im online now though. I guess its habitual of me to check my emails once I get home. Its the idea of settling stuff before the shower. Showering is therepeutic. Alone time. It always feels good after a shower.

I finally got my foot 'diagnosed'. So my hunch was correct. The pain Ive been feeling on my right foot is really due to a sprained ankle. But its a mild sprain so I just need to rest it out for a bit. Think the slipper Ive been wearing to school is not good at all. I highly doubt its the run on monday...but the run on thurs aggravated it I suppose.

On that note, Nadeem,Rauf and Farhana are helping me to ease into running on a daily basis. Imagine my horror when Nadeem, the ex-platoon sergeant-who-runs-8 minute 2.4km- and several- marathons- a year- and- who- probably- doesnt- breathe- while- running- and- who -can- run- as- fast- as- a- speeding- bicycle told me of this new regiment. To which, I said "How about my hair?! I cant wash it everyday cos its too dry" And he woke me up with "Lose the fats or lose the hair? Both can grow but which would you want not growing?" Something like that la. And as Najib says, my hair has been ruling my life and I make little things trouble me for no reason.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. BUT I have a sprained ankle. So chill, guys. And yes, hair is renewable (at least in this phase of my life).

Yawn. Off to shower.

The bed beckons. :)

END POST~12.10am

My tummy is rumbling. Another 2 hours before dinner so its pointless to eat now.

I ended my first reading visual images tutorial today. Alas, the tutor wasnt as aesthetically pleasing as I thought he was when I saw him during the first lect. What? It is a module on emphasising the power of the visual. :P

Anyhoos, I have been assigned my topic of presentation. Actually, I chose to do "The body as an ideal and displayed: The figure in renaissance and baroque art" because somehow, the tutorials wont be covering "Utopia and the subconscious: Constructivism and Surrealism". Alas, S.Dali, lecture alone it will be.

I wonder which angle I should approach the topic from. Something concise and interesting. I dont want to bore the class. Plus two other people are presenting on the same topic. It'd be rather repetitive, wouldn't it?

Weekend, Hello!

END POST~5.12pm

Its February already! Goodness, how time flies! And and and, we're into the 4th week of school! yikes! I have barely touched my texts! But I must say, I am somewhat gaining momentum.

After personality lect yest, which I must say, was one of the most interactive lectures Ive had this sem, Im more convinced that i should be working my butt off. You know how it is that in this land, people are too shy to speak up in class for fear of looking like a fool? Well, it wasnt as such during the lect. People were genuinely asking. Not to appear like a snob nor to waste time but out of the sincere quest to clear their doubts. So it started when the lecturer paused to let us digest what he had said. A girl asked him to clarify something and then the whole LT was silent. You see, this particular lecturer is well, one of those that many students are afraid of especially to be snapped at by. In any case, he was absolutely genial about it and soon, an onslaught of questions came in. Intelligent ones I might add and Ive certainly understood more about the topic than before. I felt intellectually stimulated and it felt brilliant.

During the break, I approached the same lecturer to discuss the possiblity of him supervising me if i should do a thesis and once again, he was really helpful and the more I talked to him about it, the more convinced I am that i have to pull my CAP up so I can do a thesis without risks.

But results aside, I am hungry. Hungry for knowledge. I want to know more. Learn more. Research more. Ask more. I have to cease seize this opportunity now..to immerse myself in academics...to soak up the books, journals, information available at my fingertips..and enjoy the beauty of being an undergraduate, a learner, a student. After all, studying is quite a luxury if you think about it.

END POST~11.14am

Oh!!! I get it! Its there but the stupid blogger toolbar or whatever is blocking it!

Ahh..

END POST~9.34am

Wednesday, 31st January 2007

I havent been blogging lately since I've changed from the old blogger to the new one. Why? Because I cant understand why the dates of my post dont appear. Do i have to manually do this with each post? Like this one? I dont get it! Ive checked the settings and it seems perfectly fine.

So where on earth did the date go?

Changes are already bad enough. Tech changes are worse!

Someone, please help me.

END POST~9.32am

I know that I've blogged a lot about how I want to exercise and the very fact that I blog about either about running or swimming attests to how rare and therefore eventful-worthy they are. Im hoping to change that. I want it to become a consistent part of my schedule.

Other than the fact that I removed 1/4 of my wardrobe due to, ill-fitting reasons (pun intended), I have been getting signs from my body that I need to adopt a healthier lifestyle. I think my body is protesting against my sedentary lifestyle and it's time I heed her advise to do something.

That said, Im going to go all mushy now. I am absolutely grateful for having him in my life.
My rock. My pillar. My strength.

Also, I have finally found motivation to start doing my readings. I think its because tutorials start this week and people around me seem prepared and now Im scared shitless that I'd be left behind unless I do something about it.

Aside: Ooh, I bought myself a green top with a mandarin collar. I love love love it. Im going to make sure I wear it at least 5 times this semester.

END POST~2.19pm

I am 3 to 4 shades darker.

Dont get me wrong, Im not one of those people who appreciates being roasted by the sun to have a bronzy shade. Nope. I absolutely cannot tahan when people bask in the sun for the sole purpose of soaking up UV rays so as to appear healthier. I mean come on. The whole being- tanned thing is to reflect that you've been active, doing something outdoors isnt it?
Which is why I dont get people who go to the swimming pool only to lie down somewhere to get fried, without even touching the water.

Anyway, I have no prob with being dark. After all, it'll fade away with time. But for now, my eyes have to get used to this. I suppose it isnt that bad. Just that the juxtoposition of the fairer, unexposed areas to the sunkissed ones probably magnifies the difference.

Had a great time today. Swim, eat, shop.
Ps: Yx and Just..we cant afford to spend so much time on subsequent mondays okie?

Aside: I miss Pema. She's my semester butt-kicker. She's in Grenoble now and so I wont have my weekly motivating cum bitching sessions anymore. Well, at least till she comes back. Pema wrote me a nice long email today. Its so different the way she writes as compared to the way she talks. She uses such flowery language. I took a long time crafting a reply so I wont sound so stupid. Heh. So if you're reading this, you better not delete the email.
Gosh, school just isnt the same without you.

Darn, think im starting to peel. Need to find moisturiser. Now.

END POST~8.15pm

*SNIFFS*

Blocked nose begone.

Thats it. Im going shopping. Cant take it anymore. I shall head on down to Marina sq after school on Tuesday on grab that top. After all, now that tuition has resumed, I think I can afford to :)

I cant believe Ive been teaching her since she was sec 1. Now she's in sec 3 and Im gonna have to start polishing up on my trigo and other A maths stuff. Can you imagine, certain things I learnt in C maths are now in their syllabus? Partial fractions for one.

Im also teaching her sister after a one yr hiatus. Apparently she flunked her sec 1 exams. Good news for me :) KACHING. Unfortunately, direct and inverse proportions are back to haunt me. Gosh, I absolutely HATE those questions. You know, those kind which asks "12 men take 7 hours a day to built bla bla in 9 days. How many hours a day will it take 9 women to built the bla bla in 16 days".

ARGHHHHHHHH. I just dont get them. Give me Differentiation. Integration. Trigo. Fractions. Algebra. Graphs. Statistics. Anything!! Just not those darn questions.

*sniffs*

END POST~10.27pm

Spent almost the whole day with the bf after a whole week of not seeing him. And I must say, I behaved rather childishly when I met him. You see, I wasnt feeling well and wasnt in the mood to dress up so I wore my usual pink tshirt jeans ensemble, the usual school get up. Besides, he usually wears either his blue or black shirts so no biggie. But when i saw him today, he was wearing a SHIRT. A collared blue and white stripes long sleeve shirt with jeans and sneakers, as if he's going clubbing...(And he looked amazing. *Faints*) and then I went "what? now i feel like crap cos i look horribly slack next to you".

Of course he was hurt. Considering Ive chided him before for not bothering to dress up when we go out but then when he does, i..la la la...

But im of the opinion that when a couple goes out, its ok if the guys dresses like a slob and the girl nicely. But if its the other way round? Its just weird la. I can substantiate my point but its 11pm and I cant be bothered. Look me up if you want an explanation. :)

Moving on, it was only after i decided that it was just me feeling slobbish to begin with, and hence changing my mindset that the day went on perfectly.

We went to karaoke. Haha. I know! But we wanted to try out new activities together instead of just the usual meal and bla blas. I must say, it is quite fun huh? And that coke with lemon drink thingy is addictively delicious. Its really good for the throat too.

Also, we watched Pan's Labyrinth. It reminds me of Brothers' Grimm a little but definitely darker, serious and a tad freaky. I am still trying to find out what if there's a deeper meaning to the show because I have an inkling there is. But i cant seem to figure it out.
PS: Yunxian, I think you'll like the show.

So another week before I can see him again. Blah.

Aside: Saw two tops at marina square today. One with lovely pink and white stripes and the other a red t-shirt. Should i? Should i? Hmm.

END POST~11.10pm

Seeing Yx's posts on her shopping spree makes me want to shop too. Sigh. But until I resume tuition and get my monthly dues, my wallet is pretty much tight.

Had my first Reading Visual Images lecture yesterday. The lecturer is one of those old-school type of profs, the really articulate kind who can string his sentences with words so cheem that for once I really felt like I was studying in a university. Its hard to explain. Sigh. I want to be as eloquent as him.

And either the lecture rooms at SDE are hot and poorly ventilated or that the belt i was wearing last night was tight or that it was the onset of my flu..I felt extremely light headed after class. Was practically swaying to my left as I was walking home.

Not in the DL but its ok. Im satisfied nevertheless :) Motivation for this sem perhaps?

I really should start on some readings soon.

God, loved ones and studies. Nothing else matters.

END POST~1.30pm

I WANT to run now but I have no one to run with..wish i could run alone at night but im a coward. So I guess I should just do some crunches or something....Ahh..lazy la.

Ive got myself some buddies to gym/swim with every monday though :) We start next week.

As of just now, I officially have a 3 day week. Which is great since I dont like travelling all the way to school at all and I study better at home. Besides, Im planning to utilise my free days to the optimum so it doesnt mean im any free-er thank you very much.

That said, think maybe I should stretch before I sleep. Stiffness begone!

END POST~11.17pm

DONE! Done! DONE! Resume is complete.

Next, the FAQ and the health psych article.

And then I can move on to real school work.

Need to buy I/O text soon. I hope the co-op has stock. :) Still havent touched Personality text yet..cant wait to just bury my face in it. haha.

Okay, i got to get ready soon or else yunxian and justina will be vexed. heh.

END POST~4.31pm

Today I learnt that the richest of people dont necessarily dress the part.

END POST~8.54pm

Oh my gosh.

You know how it is that sometimes you listen to a song on the radio and you like it but you never know who its by? And then when you find out you're sort of relieved..

Well, I just realise (thanks to youtube) that so many songs I like are by Lifehouse! Blind is by them...Take me away is by them...i wont be surprise to find more.

That means, if i actually do get their CD, it wont be a waste of money. Not like other Cds wherein only one or two tracks is nice but the rest suck.

Hint: My birthday is coming. Fine, 3 months time.

END POST~2.04pm

I used to crave and horde responsibility. Now I shrug it off, run away from it, dare i say fear it. Escapism has always crept into my life every now and then but lately, I notice that it has engulfed me.

I want to engage myself in more activities but with every commitment comes responsibility. And ive let myself become so afraid of it that i choose to stand on the sidelines. I fear compromising my free time. I fear not being able to do what I want as and when i want. I fear looming deadlines and impending engagements. Underlying all these is the fear letting others down, of being viewed as incompetent and irresponsible and above all, of being judged.

The sidelines offer solace. Ive had my time in the centre of things. And so now I stand and look on, even though the currents beckon and threatens to pull me away from the shore.

END POST~10.21pm

-Bon Jovi-

-Bryan Adams-

-Richard Marx-

-Roxette-

-LeAnn Rimes

Bobbing head.

END POST~5.12pm

Does anyone out there listen to Lifehouse?

I remember I first heard 'Breathing' when they just started out and I liked the song. I can remember the words to it but i just cant seem to remember the melody because another one of their songs is stuck in my head, "Everything".

Then theres 'Hanging by a moment' and 'You and Me'.

Anyway, if anyone of you happen to listen to them and have their cd, let me know. Im eager to listen to the rest of their tracks. If im not wrong they're into their third album already.

So, anyhoos, share because you care :P

END POST~11.58pm

I am overwhelmed by the lazy bug.

I wake up late.

I cant even sit down and write my resume.

I dont feel like starting any nuspsyche writer's stuff.

I dont feel like buying my textbooks (okay...actually now that ive mentioned it, maybe I do. I cant help the excitement of getting new books 8-) Yes, nerd alert.)

My head is in the clouds. Someone, ground me now.

Hmm. What to wear to school later. Tough. Tough indeed.

END POST~10.29am

Back to school.

Post holiday blues.

Im not ready yet to hit the books.

First lesson of the semester- PL38800A.

Modules im taking this semester:-

1) GEK 1527- Genes & Society
2) GEK 1025- Reading Visual Images
3) PL 3241- Personality & Individual Differences
4) PL3239- Industrial & Organisational Psychology
5) PL3880A- Issues in Developmental Psychology

I WANT STRAIGHT As!

Insya-Allah :)

Altogther now...i love school. I love school. I LOVE school!

END POST 11.21am

I absolutely love love loveey Bangkok!!!

Its the ultimate shopper's paradise! I dont see how singapore can ever beat bangkok in terms of the variety and price of the items there! The only gripe i have is finding really really good quality stuff at dirt cheap prices since you can also find them in singapore at comparable prices. Im not saying that they arent good quality stuff..there are! *faints*

Gosh, i mean really, the variety...those tops, bags, shoes, slippers, belts, earrings, caps...in all colours and cuttings...

And this may be a hasty generalisation but i find that bangkok women are well, more trendy than singaporeans...and they tend to be smaller in size? I dont know..

Bangkok, I'll be visiting you again!

END POST~4.45pm

Im off to Bangkok!

Will be back at night on the 7th!

Shopping shopping shopping for me!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

END POST~11.41pm

New year countdown parties? What is the point really? Im really amused from watching snippets of the new year party promo on tv. There's images of large throngs of people gyrating happily as if there is no tomorrow. Other than an easy excuse to get pissed drunk, I dont quite see the point.

Fine, if you want to celebrate having lived 2006 the way you did, or if you want to celebrate the coming of a new year and the expectations you hope for the new year, why large parties with anonymous people you dont know who might step on your toes, brush against you, take your place on the already packed bus/mrt or even steal your taxi as you try to get home?

Why not spend it with people you love? Unless you love all of mankind and want to share your new year with people you have never seen and even if you see them in future along some interchange, you wouldnt even smile at (for fear that the person thinks you mad because he/she was too stoned to remember who the heck you are).

Unless the people who go there are a bunch of lonely people who need to be surrounded by thousands of people to..i dont know..feel loved?

Or perhaps a whole bunch of friends go together then i suppose its somewhat ok.

Either way, its a free world. If it makes people happy (like advertisers and whoever, and of course the attendees) then so be it.

The world needs to be happy once in a while. And maybe, i dont know, large parties sort of bring people together and the happy bug spread from one person to another so everybody's happy.

World peace.

Gosh, this post started out pretty much ok but im losing content and im rambling.

Aiyah, whatever la. Bottom line is, I'd rather stay home :)

Happy New Year to you. May 2007 be a blessed year for everyone :)

END POST~12.14am

My nudgie baby is back!!!! At long last :)

Night at the museum is a wonderful show to watch.

Happy happy day today.

END POST~11.57pm

I was partially shaking when i clicked 'login'.

Was not expecting much for the results this time..didnt have a good feeling about it this time..but then...

ALHAMDULILLAH!!!!!!!

Allah loves me. HE really really does.

:)

END POST~12.19pm

wow.

Results of module preallocation are out already! I logged into IVLE accidentally (my fingers automatically logged into it since its my home page) and walaa! Two modules came out.

So, i got preallocated social cognition and issues in developmental psychology...

I WANTED PERSONALITY AND I/O.

gargh. This means i have to bid. But the sad case that i am, i wont be here to bid for them because i stupidly did not check the bidding schedule when i booked my bangkok tickets.

ARGH!!!!!!

I suppose issues in developmental psych is ok. I mean, it seems like a natural progression from dev and adol..but social cog?? I hear its Eddie Tong teaching and he's supposed to be good and all....but i wanted I/O dammit.

And i absolutely want personality. Personality, i/o and issues in dev. That was the plan.

Oh dear. Then again, if i give up i/o, i can take breaths that i want to take but that clashes with it...but then again, im depleting my level 3000 options and if i dont take it now, i'll never get to take i/o again!!!!

ARGH!

Tired.

Going out is not supposed to be like this. Im exhausted. And it doesnt help that there's so many other meet-ups I have to do before I fly off/school starts. Dont get me wrong. I want to meet with whomever I have arranged to. Its just that I have no idea why I am feeling...taxed.

I need a day off to myself. A holiday away from holidays.

YAWN.

END POST~12.24am

Finally! I havent been able to access blogger for days now.

I have a very important announcement. *Erhem*

I AM IN LOVE WITH WENTWORTH MILLER.

The guy is hot hot sizzling HOT! Those eyes..so intense...

Sigh. see la. Watching episode after episode of prison break..

Anyhoos, if anyone sees him around singapore (if he decides to come), send him my way. Or if you know any worthy wentworth lookalike..this way please.

Yes, yes, I heart najib too. There's enough love to go around.

Realise that when the bf is not around, I
1) bitch more
2) eat less
3) plan what i eat carefully
4) spend less

Except for number 1, Im hoping to maintain 2, 3, 4.

And what's this I hear that some people managed to hack into the school system and obtain their results? No fair. Why cant they just release it since its available already?

Reading Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. A social cognition book i suspect because it deals with how impression formation can occur in the first 2 seconds and how accurate it can be. It challenges the conventional "think thoroughly before you make a decision" mentality. I'm still at chapter 1 but so far its been a page turner.

Note to self: Book bkk hotel by this week.

Great. Its 11.04am. I have to leave soon. I have to lug myself all the way to school for a meeting. So freaking lazy. WHY SCHOOL darn it?!

END POST~11.05am

And so, he's on the plane right now. On his way to Kashmir.

And so, 12 whole days here without him.....

But gosh, do I have so many things to do!

1) RUN, crunches, whatever. I'm sick of my fat cells accumulating, choking my arteries. Time to burn them off. I say this all the time but Im really really meaning it now. This semester has been a particularly down down down period in my health and I suspect that my weight has something to do with it. To a fitter me!

2) Meet up with ye ole friends.
I desperately want have at least one date with
-Farhana, Winston, Nadeem, Rauf, Manju, Tini, Shikin, Briony, Wid,
-Adeline, Ave and the magnificent 02a53 people
-Shareena
-Pema!!!!!! Before you leave...noooo.....sobs.
-Yunxian (again...heh) and the ever busy bumbling bee that is karina, and of course, chris!!

3) Tidy my room.

4) Find modules. Im in need of 1 more breadth and 1 more UE. Please help me!! Im clueless as to what to take. In particular, non-examinable modules with individual projects or MCQ finals would be great. Heh.

5) That darn resume that Ive put off from writing. I need to get it done by this year's end.

Aside:
Watched Eragon yesterday. To quote a character, 'I expected more....well, more."
After LOTR, you would think that movies would step it up but this show is a shallow regression back to the era of The Never-Ending story and Dungeons and Dragons. Even those two are much better in plot. Eragon is predictable and the characters lack depth. I suppose the movie is meant to be for children under 12 because adults would yawn at the simplicity in visual and mental stimuli, what with chessy predictable, redundant dialogue and barely there battle sequences.

Save your money. Borrow the DVD if you must.

END POST~12.55pm

Finally a jam-packed day in my holiday.

Went for physio appointment in the wee hours of the morning (10am!!) over at nus. The physiotherapist said that I wont need to go for follow-ups anymore. Which is great I suppose although curiously my back still hurts.

Spent almost an entire day with yunxian. Gosh, I miss her. Just spending time with her and talking from one topic to another. It was fun trying to find the ever elusive victoria's secret warehouse sale while it was raining...and trying to erhem, figure out the correct size. I think I'm just weird la. Heh, and yes, thank you for honestly pointing out to me that I am in need of exercise.

Aside: Bumped into Ms choo at the sale. Heh, funny how the first thing she said was "you're from norman's batch right?". Someone clearly left an impression to have an entire batch associated with him.

Went to a friend's party after that. I was rather honoured that Fiza invited me considering that i was never part of her clique in jc. In fact, we merely had malay class together for the first 3 months and briefly played softball together. Naturally, I didnt know that many people well enough to freely and un-self-consciously be myself. Gosh, parties can be awkward huh? I mean, in situations like those what on earth do you talk about? Fortunately, fezah was super nice and include me where possible. I really appreciate that a lot. And I actually made new friends. Actually, we bonded cos we didnt know anyone else either.

By the time I wanted to leave, I knew I couldnt make it in time to Kim's. Im super sorry again babe. Really. :(

My darling and his friend zul picked me up afterwards and we decided to go for drinks cos najib wanted to blanja zul because he accompanied him while waiting for me. We went down to pasir ris park where there's this beach bar. I recommend this place to anyone who wants to just chill at night. Its quiet, you get the sea breeze, you get to sit under the stars and most importantly, the music is good. It's located around carpark D or E if Im not wrong. It's the last carpark. The place closes at 2am.

Wah, I hate mosquitoes man. Twenty-two bites on my left arm alone. DIE MOZZIES!

END POST~2.31am

A women's health magazine I recently read reported that a study published in the British Journal Of Sports Medicine found that women with ring fingers longer than their index fingers performed better at running and associated sports such as soccer and tennis.

So I looked at my fingers. Ring finger longer than index finger.

And I chuckled.

Like what my stats lecturer says, you can find significant correlations between the size of your toe and your intelligence quotient but it doesnt mean much on the bigger scale of things.

So go on, check your fingers. It could either reassure you of your athlethic prowess or make you giggle in shame at what you could have been given the right environment (right...)

Gosh I love psychology.

END POST~12.12pm

Every single december, I end up with a cold/flu/sniffles/whatever its called.

Oh, the clogged nose, the heavy head, the neckache.

How am i suppose to have a great day out tmr with my nudgie in this state? He's leaving for a family vacation this friday and wont be back till after christmas. I really hope tomorrow is a sunny happy day and I'll be able to breathe through both nostrills.

Anyway, im happily staying home today. Its pouring and there's no where else I'd rather be but snuggle up in bed with my pillow and blanket, with my laptop and connected to the world.

Rolls.

END POST~5.38pm

Ok, my presumably well-travelled friends..

Farah is planning to go to Bangkok next month with her family. I have insisted that the trip be free n easy so I am wondering if you guys know of places which we MUST go to when we're there.

Considering that the tagboard has limited text space, perhaps you can email me, yes?

Thanks!

END POST~11.45am

Why must high heels be so nice to wear and yet not nice to wear at the same time?
My poor toes.

Today, I made my virgin trip to the north, beyond novena by train. I learnt that the train surfaces at Bishan, and Ang Mo Kio is near Serangoon, and it is strangely under Aljunied GRC (unless I saw the poster wrongly)

What a strange place the north is, no?

I also learnt that chocolate royale cake from sweet secrets is absolutely sinfully scrumptious.

And dropping a case of powder is heart-breaking because the cake cracks and the powder seems to pore through the lid and end up all over your bag. Does anyone know any nifty trick to ensure that the cracked bit of the powder cake doesnt expand anymore?

Aside: Was watching the local news at charmaine's place and im really convinced that the local media is beginning to really become weird because they're beginning to report unnecessary events.

Event 1: A couple got married at Ben & Jerry's today. Apparently they met in NUS in their first year but only went out after..bla bla..another couple got married at some reservoir.

Event2: Some dudes in Egypt have long curly moustaches.

I mean really, what is this? Ripley's believe it or not? The daily gossip channel? I dont give a hoot where those two people met or why they chose to have their ceremony there. And the moustaches? Er..

Talk about newsworthiness.

END POST~1.18am

I used to read the newspapers dutifully but not anymore. Im so sick of news. They're the same things over and over again. And some articles are not as newsworthy and you wonder how they even made it to print.

So yet another article about the growing gap between the perceived 'elite' class and the middle class in singapore prompts me to say this...

If there is a gap, then instead of bitching about it, do something about it NOW.

Aside: How can anyone enjoy watching that disgusting (in every sense of the word) show which just ended its run on channel 5? "A finer life" or something like that, hosted by some singer and some mtv vj. I mean, who the heck gives a damn about how rich people spend their money in ways that would rile every fibre of your prudent being?

The producers should be shot. (Disclaimer: i say this in jest, just a little disclaimer since there's been a lot of blog sensitivity issues. I dont want to be dragged into a libel/slander lawsuit.)
Such decadence should not be promoted. Its just bleeping unhealthy!

And no, i have not watched a single episode. Merely the short advertisement snippet.
I cringe everytime I see the lady host gush/swoon/command-hair-to-stand over chi-chi fru-fru things.

Oh please.

END POST- 10.50am

First day shopping and nothing. Hurray for my wallet but what a downer for my ego.
Why cant things FIT anymore?!

Wanted to buy this red top but nooo, it had to cling to my tummy. Everything else is either sleeveless or well, sleeveless. And I dont have fantastic arms to flaunt.

Vivocity seems like another marina square to me. Too bright, too sparse. They should really dim the lights down.

Auntie Anne's sells delicious cinnamon sugar pretzels.

Tong Seng sells mouth-watering wantan mee. Ive counted. Always 7 wantans in a bowl :)

Happy Feet is hilarious. I want a baby penguin to squeeze. Oh gosh, they're so freaking cute!

Theme parties. Why? I am a boring self-conscious person. Theme parties scare me. I guess if you're driving or being driven to the party, it would be ok. But to take public transport and get stared at by people because of the weird themes your friends come up with?

Im beginning to wonder if people still read my blog. The tagboard has been inactive in quite a while that its beginning to depress me. I wanna feel loved, people. TAG ME NOW and SHOW ME SOME LOVE!

Boo.

Aside: My grammar gone already. Had to edit this post and Im pretty sure there are still mistakes somewhere.

END POST~11.32pm, thurs

Yay! After hours of searching I've finally found something pleasant and that doesnt have cheesy wannabe philosophical statements all these blogskin people seem to attach to their designs.

So what do you guys think? Huh huh huh? :D

Must thank my darling nudgie's lil sister for helping me edit the template :)

Anyway, exams are over!

I cannot wait to go shopping. I need clothes. Tops. Bottoms. Bags. Footwear.

Vivocity, Ikea Tamp, I shall make my virgin trip to thee!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee~

Uninspired

Definitely need a new blogskin.

When the dust settles too soon..

How many times have i ranted and raved on my blog about the power of procrastination and the inertia to begin work?

countless.

So what's another post? :)

I am on holiday mode. And i have an inkling as to why i feel this way. Its the 'whoosh' feeling after meeting all the datelines..where you give yourself one day to recuperate and then another and then oh boy, uve wasted 3 days.

Thought a morning swim would give me a fresh start to today but i was wrong. It only made me physically tired. (although the swim was brilliant and the breakfast (mom made waffles with butter and golden syrup) was story-book-ish. like those enid blyton books where all they do is play and after that they have a sumptious meal)

And the weather!! Its either gorgeously warm and beautiful with clear blue skies or its nice and cosy thunder stormy...

note of the day: wearing contact lenses is not gonna protect you from the Z monster.

Right. sigh, the book(s) beckons.

Two down

This has been one of the most trying weeks of my undergraduate career.

Trying is an understatement.

My dad asked my if im going to be on the dean's list again.

I told him 'No'.

If I do, great. But who am i kidding?

Whatever, chin up farah. You've done your best.
Three more papers.
Do you best and leave the rest to Allah.

Dodge

I am sleepy. I wasnt sleepy half an hour ago but i think i may konk out in a bit. My fingers are already weak typing these words.

Adol quiz. Entire syllabus. Intended to study for finals while Im at it since I may have no time later. Oh boy, i may have no time later. I just hope I do well...

Back ache acting up since I was spending 75% of my time sitting at my desk.
Physio appointment tmr at 11.30. Cant believe i have to travel all the way for a 15 minute appt. ?!

I am anticipating a hectic week.

I have a presentatiton and a report due for Lab in health. Total 70% of my grade.

I have a position paper and a final quiz for Eva Acad Arg. Total 60% of my grade.

Then that'll be 2 modules down.

The rollercoster analysis of data may potentially be coming to a conclusion. Thanks to a lecturer who's super savvy in stats and SPSS, our data looks promising again. :)

Im feeling a bit uneasy at having joined the new Psych soc sub committee for publicity. I joined because I wanted to have an extra-curricula activity again after a long hiatus. Actually, its been only one sem since I had a eca. Netball doesnt really count cos its recreational, plus I havent been going. But then now, I am afraid of commitment. I wont be able to skive off work and stuff cos the people in the committee and the main one itself are my friends. So then, its personal. gargh. I am not afraid to say it again. i am afraid of commitment and an increasing time away from studies...and slacking time...I am so afraid of being consumed and boiled down in the soc. I know this sounds weird and stuff but the experience in the 18th com, while enriching and stuff, showed me that i am not good at juggling my time. I tend to get lost.

I just want to be a part of it but at the same time, I want to have the chance to say 'No' to stuff assigned to me, without feeling guilty. The problem is, I dont want people to think that i sign up but then im a slack member who's irresponsible.

The bottom line is, Farah is a chao mugger who puts her grades first in her school domain. Everything else is secondary. I dont want to feel obliged, particularly, emotionally obliged to participate. At the same time, I want to have fun...and I want to be a part of something else besides classes, etc...

Sigh, whatever lah. First thing's first. I need to start serious mugging like tonight.
Im sick of self-handicapping myself by procrastination and not putting in all i can because I am afraid of failure.

I am afraid. yes, I am. But i have no time to be afraid anymore. I just need to do my best and focus on the task at hand.

One step at a time.

Thanks..

Pema,Melinda, Cheryl, Yunxian, lab groupmates, kweeting, daphne, kyle, xiaowen and everybody else who showed concern and helped me get around in school over the last 2 days.

Im so grateful and touched....

I am loved! heheeee :)

Went to the doc and I got myself pain killers and a referral to a physio.

Im feeling slightly better today. Im able to take bigger and faster steps.

Progress!

Poised

Its not that I am. I just happen to walk like that because of the intense pain shooting at my back each time I take a step larger than 15 cm.

If not for the fact that I am adamant in not missing classes and in not cancelling my meetings, I would probably be in bed right now.

If not for the SSC trip and a desperate meeting for my lab's data analysis, I would be in bed tmr.

Not that being in bed=not doing anything. I'd be in bed doing work.

I'm still trying to settle on a position for my GEM argument essay. Sigh. From what I've read on the forum, it seems like my classmates have been doing a lot of research in the right places. Oh dear.

I really wish I suddenly wake up one day (like tmr) with the knowledge of how to use SPSS at my fingertips. I know what Im looking for. I just dont know which buttons to press and that is tremendously irritating.

Anyhoos, my ride home is coming soon. Heh, if not for the fact that my nudgie insists I take a cab home, I'd be shuffling myself to the mrt stat and back home.

Oh, the pros of having a bf who manja-s you :)

Back and Cheese

Back...

From a blogging hiatus. I've tried to create new posts on at least 5 other occasions but I somehow never seem to get more than 3 sentences out before I decide to just forget it and log out. So many things to say, but macam malas lah. (like lazy lah)

From school and I need to get started on my position paper soon

Bio psych term paper. Encouraging. Encouraging indeed :) Alhamdulillah

Pain. My lower back is giving me problems again. Its getting worse by the day and I suspect I may have aggrevated it when I went for a run on sunday. Wah, I cant even get up from a chair without supporting my back like a pregnant lady. Gosh.

Cheese

Been craving for cheese. Forgot to buy the pretzel cheese thingy from the co-op so I went hunting for Combos. But NO. no where to be found. Neither of the 3 provision shop nor NTUC!
Had myself a chocolate banana crepe instead. Yummy. And Im frying cheese fries now.

Which reminds me...I better see to it that I dont burn the kitchen down.

And there's more..

27th OCT
-Gen bio assignments 5 & 6
-GEM 1008 mock test
-Bio psych tutorial qn/presentation

8th NOV
-Adol 'quiz'

10th NOV
-Gen bio assignment 7

17th NOV
-GEM position paper
-Lab in health report/presentation (70%...screams)

18th NOVE
-GEM 'test' (40%...test? TEST?! more like EXAM)

Where got time, tell me where got time?

(screams around with flailing arms.)

The Others

I have finally met the boyfriend's family. I received an invitation to break fast with them on monday and so I graciously accepted. My dad freaked out a little and delved into the "you're a girl, and you shouldnt go to a male's house unchaperoned" bit but then he relented because I had already told the bf that I would go and I had to honour my promise. Thankfully, my family was tremendouly supportive after hearing my gripes and worries about making a good impression and bla bla bla. I felt immensely comforted. I love love LOVE my family.

The dinner experience at his house wasnt as harrowing as I had expected it to be long before I actually had a boyfriend. Yes, when I was single, I did wonder what it would be like to have to visit the other side's family. I was expecting a lot of questions but I received only one or two. I was prepared to answer but no, no questions. So I followed the rule of thumb, 'dont talk unless spoken to' and I think it worked.

She was cordial to me throughout the dinner and the subsequent cake-cutting (it was his sister's psuedo birthday) and she insisted that I be in the photographs and even grabbed/hugged my arm so I couldnt run away. Hmm. Hmm indeed.

But then, all the sugar coated niceties (how do you spell it) came to an almost abrupt end...well, not exactly that, rather the sugar coat came off the niceties and then came the frankness in her. She dived into the mother-to-only son's/child-gf talk with utter seriousness that I had to stifle my laughter. Sigh. I understand where she's coming from. I honestly do. She's a practical lady and at some level, I understand her rationale for not wanting her son to date seriously. Ive actually heard her argument in some form or another from another source. My dad.

So I just smiled and nodded my head while in my head, I secretely uttered thanks to my dad and family for training me for that very day. Ive heard it before. I wasnt taken by surprise and better still, I wasnt afraid. After all, if I can survive my dad's version, I can pretty much survive anyone's :)

And so I left his place feeling nothing really. Happy? no. Depressed? No. Im just thankful that Ive formally met her and thats that.

And Ive learnt to appreciate my family more.

Terawih

I went to the masjid yesterday with Farhana for the special Terawih prayers which are held during Ramadan. Havent been there in a long long time so it was a refreshing experience :) Made a bit of slips here and there, like my telekung flew over my head as I was sujud-ing cos the fan was blowing at me. So embarassing but oh well. It was towards the end.

So many little children praying with their moms. Some of them merely emulating the positions their mothers were doing...so cute!!

Iqra-ed in the morning with Nudgie and he said I learn fast :) :) :)

Also, thanks to the MS exhibition in the arts forum on fri, I found out about MUIS' new initiative. An online platform for both muslims and non-muslims to pose ANY question on Islam. The best part is that you can ask ANYTHING and they'll be answered by scholars in the language you posted your question in. And, if your question is picked as the best one, you get an I-pod! :)

www.iask.com.sg Check it out ok? I had a great time perusing the website because FINALLY, i can get answers and I reckon you would too. :)

Kind Soul

My faith in NUS students is restored. Once again, I left my thumb drive in the CPU of one of the computers in central library in the morning while rushing to submit some form to the department. When I found this out 5 hours after I left it there, and just before I would usually lapse into panic frenzy mode (you know, when your whole body freezes and you mind goes 'oh no, how could i be so careless' incessantly?) and giving up hope of getting my new 512mb imation thumbdrive back, I decided to check out the lost and found counter.

I wasnt expecting anything since nothing turned out the last time. But TA-DA! There it was!!!! :)

Whoever who found it, I am so thankful. You are so so so so so kind :) Do unto others as you would have them do unto you :)

School's been ok so far. Progressing steadily for Lab in Applied Psych. I love my group. We're getting things done smoothly :) Now all we're waiting for is Prof Bishop's approval and then we can begin disseminating the questionnaires :)

Still moving rather slowly for bio psych but a few pages and knowing roughly whats going on for the past 2 lectures is a big moral boost.

Was starting to read Adol psych text for the first time and I realise that im in trouble. My eyes keep glazing through because everything seem intuitive and common-sensical. So then, how to mug like that? I've always found this kind of modules harder than others because you think its common-sensical but maybe its not and then how? ARGH.

But anyway, progress is progress, no matter how slow it is.

I am in a happy mood today. One of those days where Im just beaming with joy. Ahhhh...

PS: My dad's eye got scratched by a pointy plant shoot while he was transporting the pot up from the car last wed night. His eye has healed completely by now I think. Amazing how fast the body repairs itself :)

Gonna buka puasa with my nudgie tonight! :)

Role reversal

Yesterday, for Adol psych lecture, we covered 'the family', focusing on the relationship between the parents and the developing adolescent. There was this part on how the family is never stagnant, rather its dynamic. As the adol changes, the parents change as well. The relationship becomes one that is more horizontal than vertical. I like that idea. You know how top-down parents are when theyre children are still young..but gradually, it smoothens into a horizintal line..and then in some sense, vertical again, this time with the children holding on to the higher end of the line. Its a beautiful metaphor. Poignant. You realise there's a family life cycle. The young child from being dependant, slowly becomes the caregiver, before becoming dependant (perhaps in certain aspects) again.

I see this happening in my family already. The change. Its so different now. My opinion matters. My point of views hold water. My assistance is needed..and valued.
The sombre realisation that my parents are not so young anymore hit me hard this morning.
My dad was attacked by a plant last night (long story). We rushed down to the A&E and thankfully, his right cornea suffered only a superficial scratch which would heal soon. But my gosh, was i worried. I was worried that it could be internally caused. You never know if a vein/artery had ruptured and a minor stroke had happened since more often than not, people dont usually know they've suffered from a stroke/heart attack until much later. So Im really relieved.

Nevertheless, back to my point on role reversal. Essentially, had I not been there with my parents, their getting around the hospital would have been difficult. After all, in hospitals, you have to move from one waiting area to another etc, etc and you most likely have to rely on sign boards to navigate yourself. Futhermore, my dad already has his eye problem, my mom was also in a daze and her eyesight, though she tries to hide it, is deteriorating....
Im just thankful today is my free day. I want to be with my parents, my family, if when things like this happen.

You know, my parents (most parents actually) have put in so much for me, for my siblings. The least I can do is to be there for them as how they have been here for me.

Role reversal? Its nothing new, really. Its natural. The cycle of life.

What a monday Tuesday it is today.

I cant stand feeling stupid.

Yes, occasionally its liberating to act stupid since acting stupid momentarily allows you to let go the responsibility of knowing things. But to feel stupid is a different thing.
Simply because it is personally insulting.

It's enough that class starts at 8am and i have to drag myself out of bed at 530am and to school bleary eyed. But to embarrass myself at such an early hour is too much lah. Bio psych tutorial sure dampened my mood.

For those unfamiliar with Bio psych tutorials, here's a sum up. For tutorial sessions, everyone is broken up into groups. Each tutorial session is run like a 'game' show (roll eyes) where the presenting group poses a number of questions to the other groups bla bla bla. So each week, 2 chapters would be covered effciently and in a 'fun' manner. Fine. Innovative lah. Thing is, you have to read the two chaps before every tutorial or your group would end up stumped. Which is great cos then it ensures that you actually do read your text and all.

Oh come on. Who reads the textbook dutifully? I would take an average of four hours to finish one chapter! Plus, considering I havent read the previous chapters properly (which are the foundation for the subsequent chaps), understanding the current ones would be hard...and so you can see where this is heading.

I am digging myself deeper into the "oh no, what is going on?" danger pit for bio psych.

Argh. So of course i couldnt answer the bleeping questions satisfactorily. NO excuses for myself. purely my fault. Worse, none of my groupmates were prepared. So when it came to our group to answer the questions, silence silence silence.

If any of you know me well enough, i cannot stand silence. I just feel so freaking uneasy if im targeted a question and i dont say anything. I just have to say something. And so i did. Considering no one in my group wanted to say anything I had to say something.

And then the embarassment. I started babbling, obviously showing the whole wide world i wasnt prepared. I sounded purely bimbotic i hated myself. I kept thinking "oh come on farah, please dont make yourself look stupid...in front of your classmates its ok..but not your lecturer! "

SIGH.

Nevermind, in a way, i'm glad this happened because im gonna make bloody sure that im prepared for bio tuts from now on.

I need to redeem myself for myself.

ZeeeeZeeeZeeeee...DRRRRR....

My bathroom is being renovated as I type this. The drilling was remarkably tolerable till a few seconds ago. I will remain zen-like. I will remain zen-like. I will remain zen-like.

What on earth is 'zen' anyway?

I have very good news to share.

MY DADDY LIKES MY BOYFRIEND!

My Dad didnt explicitly say so but I can feel that he does. The way he remembers things about the Bf (considering that he doesnt seem to remember much about any of my other friends)..But you know what really made my day? It was when my dad said at the dinner table the evening after najib came that he's not worried about me. That I can take care of myself and I know what Im doing. (To which i beamed and then he added 'i hope so') :) You can say that pretty much all my life, Ive been waiting to hear him say that.

Yay. That dinner on friday was great. My dad got to know him more and nudgie got to see what a buka puasa session with my family is like.

I like this. I like how life (outside school) is going so far. Alhamdulillah.

Healthy progress

Its mid mid-sem break and I think Im more productive this mid-sem break than previous sems. Or so I hope. But im satisfied so far.

Progressing steadily in my lab in applied psych project. Which is great. I think i have fantastic group members :) So at least Im glad that this 70% project will be in good hands.

I have finished reading all the chaps covered so far for gen bio. Yes, gloat gloat gloat. But im proud of myself. And know what? The Krebs cycle isnt so hard what. Its understandable. So why do all those post A level bio peeps keep giving me the creeps by shuderring when I mention it? Its quite interesting too. Sigh. Hope im not being to cocky though. Reading and understanding is one thing. Doing well is another. I have a nagging suspicion that the finals' MCQs are gonna be way tricky. Still, i'll be ready and no way am i gonna S/U this mod :)

Been reading arabic too and alhamdulillah, i think i am improving :)

Ok, so im still deciding which topic to do for my eva acad arg mod's position paper. Should I write on 'entrapment' or 'legalising prostitution'?

Then, theres the fact that Ive totally neglected bio psych and adol psych. Im struggling with the former btw. Hopefully not for long.

Oh gosh. I dont think im that satisfied with my mid-sem break after all. ARGH.

Another 4 days to go...(but then i'll be working on my lab report...)

BLIMEY.

breathe farah breathe..

Stuff to do

BY this week:-

1) Gen bio lab assignment 3
2) Lab in health report 2
3) Gem 1008 critique
4) Gem 1008 position paper research
5) Lab in health project research

a little 'off time'

I cant exactly remember what i was dreaming about in my sleep but i vaguely remember heading to the swimming pool in one segment of it while in another segment of my dream I was speaking French (really badly, i must add) to some people. And in another segment someone was after us? 'Us' who? I have no idea.

Ive been sleeping too much. I cant seem to get myself out of bed. Take today for instance. I woke up at 5am to sahur but all i could do was to drink water with half open eyes (thankfully, i always put a bottle of water by my bed) and i went back to sleep. Woke up at 8am but then i went back to sleep. Woke up at 9.15am but went back to sleep. Woke up at 10am....and i had to force myself to sit up.

Im obviously lacking motivation to wake up.

And my sleep-wake cycle has wrongly stabilised after thurs. Im sleeping 10 hours a day now. Gosh, this is unhealthy.

Slacked on saturday and sunday but I deserve it lah.

Went to ECP on sat for a morn run with nudgie, tuition (her finals are in 2 WEEKS TIME!!! argh), then had lunch with nudgie and his sister (think the sister is warming up to me :) ) and later went to my aunts place for some prayer thing for my grandma (cant believe its almost a year already since she left).

Sunday was slacking around even though I was scheduled to study. Went shopping with sister and heh, I bought myself a pair of shoes. I fell in love with it at first sight. Ive been looking for that kind of shoe for a very long time. Its black, velvet, pointy and flat.

Anyhoos, my dad has invited nudgie over on friday for dinner. I dont know whether to feel excited or anxious.

Its nearly mid-day now and im still deciding which subject I should study. I guess I'll just open my cupboard and grab whichever book that calls out to me. No point studying something Im not in the mood for. It is the break after all :)

Break.

Sleep deprived but satisfied.

Handed in the paper finally.

Breather for now.

Happy.

Extracted DNA just now :) Cool stuff :)

Waiting for a ride home. I think its best that the public be kept safely away from me.

Hmm, everyone around me is so happy :) So nice.

Kweeting and sharon very noisy. "Now then you know", says Kweeting. "Ha Ha Ha", says sharon :)

Hmm...Im.....happy :)

light at the end of the tunnel

When you really begin to question yourself about whether God has decided to not help you because He's helped you too much and you havent been that much of a grateful person.

When you feel that something so worldly and inconsequential in the larger scheme of things shouldn't get to you but alas, it did.

When you think what a rotten person you are inside and wonder if God can forgive you and still loves you.

When you begin the question the way things are and why and then feel downright guilty about it.

When you just want to sleep cos thats where you feel happiest and care-free.

The blues.

But then, someone comes and lends a listening ear and offer kind words of advice and to remind you of what is. That's when all darkness dissipates and a rush of hope illuminates and pierces through the abyss you've drowned yourself in.

You realise and remember(as you always did, deep in your heart), that God will always be with you. God is forgiving. God is wise. God is loving.
God will always help if you ask Him to. All you got to do is to believe.

Then everything will truly be alright.

Insya-Allah.

Yank me hair out..GARGH!

Did not feel like getting out of bed today at all. I just wanted to sleep and forget about everything else. Call it my form of escapism.

How? HOW?

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, Breathe out.

The inertia to start yet again on yet another one, barely having the time to recover from the previous one.

Assignment after assignment after assignment after assignment...

I want term break to come. I need it to come. COME!!

gargh

What else is due (new)?

Item Status

1. Bio psych termpaper Done
2. Eva acad arg assignment Due Fri 15/9
3. Gen Bio lab assignment Due Tues 19/9 (dateline still to be confirmed)
4. Lab in app psych report 1 Due Wed 20/9
5. Adol psych critique Due Fri 22/9

Breathe.

Inspirational

I have often dreamed, of a far off place
Where a hero's welcome, would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face
And a voice keeps saying, this is where I'm meant to be
I'll be there someday, I can go the distance
I will find my way, if I can be strong
I know ev'ry mile, will be worth my while
When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong

Down an unknown road, to embrace my fate
Though that road may wander, it will lead me to you
And a thousand years, would be worth the wait
It might take a lifetime, but somehow I'll see it through
And I won't look back, I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track, no, I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope, but I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance, and my journey is complete

But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart
Like a shooting star, I will go the distance
I will search the world, I will face its' harms
I don't care how far, I can go the distance
Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms
I will search the world, I will face its harms
Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms

-Go the Distance, Michael Bolton

Mellow

Something is physically wrong with me.
My legs are stiff and heavier than usual while my head is light. I seem to somehow sway to the left when i stand up and if I lie down and close my eyes, I feel like I'm being sucked into a whirpool.

I am procrastinating.
I dont feel like starting on my term paper anytime soon but I know I must. I want to enjoy writing it up. I mean contrary to what others may feel, I enjoy the researching bit. The sense of purpose while listening to music I havent heard in ages and just bobbing my head is great but when it comes to actually consolidating everything you've found and churning out a comprehensive and sensible paper is the hardest bit. The adrenalin knowing that Im almost done gets me too excited that I just cant sit still to think.

I'm also feeling torn.
Two of my friends are celebrating their birthday in tomorrow. One of them's flying off soon and her birthday's in Oct while the other one has hers next week but both are having it tomorrow.
Question is, how does farah fly from clementi to pasir ris then to bugis (presumably) then head back to tamp all in 5 hours? Heck, I'll make it for both. These two girls are my friends and I want to be present at their 21st birthday celebration.

Tomorrow would also be our 15th month together. I know its silly but since we dont hang out much, making the effort to 'celebrate' each month is something that we share. The best thing about this relationship, however, is that we're flexible. (or rather, he is more than I am and should be) I mean, we both know that we have our own lives and circle of friends. So thank you for everything and for all the support you've given me in anything that I do. Even the littlest things you do for me means so much to me. And you've given me a lot.

Anyway, Im proud of myself for mustering enough gut yesterday as I went up to a certain lecturer. I am anticipating (and praying for) a favourable outcome :)

Also, a conversation I had a few days ago with a friend has been ringing in my head. I may have unintensionally arrived at a response without much thought. He asked if I were given a chance to work with a bunch of people for a project, would I join the people who have gotten 'A's or would I prefer to work with others (ie im assuming non A students)?

I immedietly responded that I would join the A group people. I now regret my answer and my reason.
I had mentioned that working with those A graders would give me the sense of security that these people are not slackers which I based on the assumption that grades are reflective of a person's interest and dedication to his/her work.

I now retract what I say because I realise and know that my reason is flawed.
Experience has showed me that grades are fluctuate. And I was wrong. I have worked my butt off for something before and was extremely passionate about it but I didnt score as well as others. To think that someone else would not want me in their group because of that bad grade and hence on that ill-conceived premise (which i had regrettably made) riles me. Besides, I do know of people who are not hardworking or as interested in work but who nonetheless managed to get As.

So my point is that if I have to choose groupmates, I would rather work with amicable people with positive work attitude. It doesnt matter what their previous grades may be. If I can work with people who share similar interests and working styles, Ill work with them for sure.

I guess we've been raised to think that grades (and therefore achievement) maketh the person. While it may be true to some, it could also be untrue. The relative in this matter, is the person, the key which is oft overlooked.

So having thought through the question, I humbly regret and am deeply ashamed at my rash answer previously.

How about you? Whoever is reading my blog? Given a situation where you must choose between amicable A graders and amicable others with whom you've worked with both groups of people before which would you choose?

eye

Doesnt the word the two 'e's in the word 'eye' look like eyes? With the 'y' as the nose?

My student's mom asked me if im 'senang' (prosperous) because ive gained weight.

....

eye

Ive formulated a few hypotheses. Namely, there is a correlation between weight gain and academic achievement (moderated or is it mediated (darn, i get confused btw the two) by eating behaviour). And, there is a correlation between liking a subject and doing well in it. Note, correlation doesnt mean its causal and of course, while the latter could be bidirectional, i dont see how the first can be. But you never know huh?

....

eye

Wonder why my tagboard hasnt been as 'happening' as it used to be before i removed it. Why ah?

eye

Blank.

Heh, did you feel like you were being stared at by 'eye's throughout this post?

Gosh. Im funny. :)

eye