What a monday Tuesday it is today.

I cant stand feeling stupid.

Yes, occasionally its liberating to act stupid since acting stupid momentarily allows you to let go the responsibility of knowing things. But to feel stupid is a different thing.
Simply because it is personally insulting.

It's enough that class starts at 8am and i have to drag myself out of bed at 530am and to school bleary eyed. But to embarrass myself at such an early hour is too much lah. Bio psych tutorial sure dampened my mood.

For those unfamiliar with Bio psych tutorials, here's a sum up. For tutorial sessions, everyone is broken up into groups. Each tutorial session is run like a 'game' show (roll eyes) where the presenting group poses a number of questions to the other groups bla bla bla. So each week, 2 chapters would be covered effciently and in a 'fun' manner. Fine. Innovative lah. Thing is, you have to read the two chaps before every tutorial or your group would end up stumped. Which is great cos then it ensures that you actually do read your text and all.

Oh come on. Who reads the textbook dutifully? I would take an average of four hours to finish one chapter! Plus, considering I havent read the previous chapters properly (which are the foundation for the subsequent chaps), understanding the current ones would be hard...and so you can see where this is heading.

I am digging myself deeper into the "oh no, what is going on?" danger pit for bio psych.

Argh. So of course i couldnt answer the bleeping questions satisfactorily. NO excuses for myself. purely my fault. Worse, none of my groupmates were prepared. So when it came to our group to answer the questions, silence silence silence.

If any of you know me well enough, i cannot stand silence. I just feel so freaking uneasy if im targeted a question and i dont say anything. I just have to say something. And so i did. Considering no one in my group wanted to say anything I had to say something.

And then the embarassment. I started babbling, obviously showing the whole wide world i wasnt prepared. I sounded purely bimbotic i hated myself. I kept thinking "oh come on farah, please dont make yourself look stupid...in front of your classmates its ok..but not your lecturer! "

SIGH.

Nevermind, in a way, i'm glad this happened because im gonna make bloody sure that im prepared for bio tuts from now on.

I need to redeem myself for myself.