Another saturday of shopping :) I didnt go as crazy buying things today as I did last week. Bought some make-up and a decent going-out top. So that top brings the total number of nice going out tops to 3. Now that Im working and have the moolah, Im trying to move away from the usual polo tee-shirt get up that I'd survive on in uni. Not that Im anti polo. I love polo tees. They're so versatile. And comfy. And safe. Especially for days when I just feel like blending into the background and not be noticed. At all. Or for trips nearby. Or go running errands. Anyway, Im just glad I have things other than polo/t-shirts and work clothes when I meet my friends or whoever over the weekend :)

And, I realise, I have no qualms spending as much as 50 bucks for a non descript top. Thats crazy by my standards a year ago. CRAZY. Oooh, I love working. I love MONEY.

Stocked up on groceries for fasting month too. Isnt grocery shopping fun? Good thing giant is a 5 minute drive from home!

Aside: Will the people stop burning stuff like right below my block. I understand that they have to do it cos the 7th month is coming to an end and stuff...but cant they just burn somewhere else? I live on the fourth floor. So the soot come in through the windows, stenching my clothes, hair and everything else. But that's not the worst. The worst thing is that my throat burns and my lungs suffocate. Ask my friends who smoke. They know I cant even be around the..er...smoke cos my throat is super sensitive :( I cant wait for this month to end. One more day! I think.

On a happier note, I knock off work an hour earlier during the fasting month so I can reach home in time to buka. My supervisor is so sweet :) Well, the rationale is that I dont go for lunch so technically, Im working the same amt of hours as the others. So there. :D

Yay~

It's a dreary looking day outside. The sky's overcast, the pouring rain has now thinned to a drizzle but still, I am contented.

Rain or shine, weekends are simply the best. If it rains, i stay home and watch dvds, tv or surf the net in bed. If it shines, I might head out shopping/movie/meet up w friends ard my neighbourhood (because i refuse to take public transport on weekends after all that travelling on weekdays)

Ahhhhhhh.....

I can finally breathe again now that my blocked nose -and work- has cleared up a little. Anyway, the new zealand trip ive been planning to take with my sis might not happen since we might be visiting our daddy instead! I kinda miss him. It's only been 2 weeks but it feels like months have gone by.

And sigh, let this be a precaution to all: think very carefully if you want to get a pda phone. The thing jams a lot so expect to send it for servicing on a regular basis.

Oh! Yesterday my my sis, farhana and i went to watch the fireworks festival. First time on the floating platform..and no, it doesnt feel like its floating sadly. The fireworks were brilliant but it lasted only for a while. I was expecting displays from a few countries at one go but only the french presented their yesterday. Pretty. I love fireworks :) After that, a local band played and everyone started leaving. So poor thing. They were really good! So we stayed on to watch them play. The last perfomance was this magician. Ok la. Then the journey home. Goodness. Jam-pack la. Worth it? I dont know. Maybe public transport is a good idea when heading out to town on weekends.

I cannot wait for this week to end. Oh my GOSH. I so want this presentation to be done with already. I was pretty much the last to leave work the last 2 days working on this darn thing...

Oh sigh. But at least, im doing something psych related and familiar-data analysis- so Im quite satisfied la. At least im using my brain.

Tmr, im working from home. I have this irritating paper to write by tmr and Im supposed to finish my data analyses and presentation slides by tmr so Im hoping that staying at home would cut down time wastage, i.e. travelling.

Plus, Im sick. Yup, i am down with the flu. In fact, so many people ard me have been sneezing and coughing. Oh dear, my head feels so heavy. I just wanna sleep but I have to at least complete something tonight.

Thank goodness my sup is super nice. I was supposed to send her the slides tonight and I was prepared to stay up to do it and email her by 10 plus but she sms-ed me, telling me to continue with it tmr instead.

PHEW. Im tired. I'm probably incoherent. Why? Because Im typing, watching the news, and trying to breathe.

Behold the nearly midnight rant.

I'm back. Came home on sat night and Im still tired. The trip was alright despite 2/3 of it being work. I suppose having the comfy king size bed in a luxurious hotel room all to myself made up for things. Service was fantastic too. I'll blog about that later. For now, im tired.

Plus I skipped breakfast. So that made me pretty cranky this morning. I was inches away from snapping at people just because. I felt really really low but the day picked up after lunch. I left the office late cos i had to crunch some data and im still not done running the analyses. I tell you, we were definitely not taught how to use s..p...s...s thoroughly and effectively in school. Now I have adopt the trial and error method. My eyes. The numbers. Urgh.

Met up with pema later for dinner and we conclude that: work sucks but money and the quest for life and professional experiences motivates.

And i have this urge to get myself another piercing on my ear.

Right. Just like how i wanted to dye my head black/purple back when i was in year 4.
The things I do plan to do but might not even do when im feeling stifled.

How many times have I mentioned that things are starting to look up at work before something happens and then I change my mind? Well, thats work la. But today, I had a good day :D

I love it when I finish assignments well before the dateline. I sleep better. So I toiled the evening yesterday and I managed to complete the report around midnight. I was so proud of myself because I havent been properly trained in handling such information but it suddenly came to me as I typed it. And wa la! Alhamdulillah :) My colleague (that one) read through and made comments on it and all and I did learn quite a bit. Actually, she's quite a good person to learn from cos she's super 'strict'. So, I'm definitely more confident about doing up such reports in future and in a way, I think I'm a bit more prepared to handle interviews too.

Aside: I kinda like this new colleague who came in last friday. She's super easy going and I managed to spend some time with her today as we were the only two newbies at this convention. Yay! A new friend :)

Anyways, time to pack! Will be back on Sun morning!

Bite my tongue la.

I talk so much now I have SO MUCH WORK to do. Well, there's not so much work but whatever I have, I have to complete asap since I'm leaving to jakarta for 3 days. Bah. I have to stay up tonight to finish a report. Please God, help me do a good one.

Yeah, so I'll be going to jkt for work and I guess I'm quite excited (except for the whole clearing up outstanding stuff before leaving). I've never flown sq before so yay! And I received word today that I'll be staying at the marriott and and and I'll have my own room with a king size bed! ROLL!

Aside: Dad's safely landed, Alhamdulillah. I'm starting to miss him.

Alright, back to work!

I've changed my outlook on two things. Firstly, my wide-eyed patriotism and belief in the system has waned tremendously. Dont get me wrong, I still think that Im blessed to be living here. Alhamdulillah. And I must never forget that. Provision for the basic needs for human survival and peaceful co-existence with others of differing faiths, etc is imperative and so Im glad that we have it here. But beyond that? I dont know. All I know is that Im not that naive anymore. And that's that.

Secondly, I've definitely mellowed down. I used to be very competitive and ambitious in getting to the top. But having witnessed (being at the receiving end of) office politics, I think it's not worth it. Why cant people just work together and be nice to one another? And im not even working in a profit making org. ?!. I think back stabbing and putting on pretenses in front of the bosses to project a favorable image is shallow and pathetic. Let it be that if I were to ever get promoted, I get there through the quality of my work and by respecting those around me. Maybe meeting her is a blessing in disguise. Because she is indeed a negative example and I pray I never end up like her.

Enough sombre-ness. Super long wheeeeeeeeeeeeeenkend~ I claimed my half day leave yest and im on leave on mon :D And I no longer need physio cos Im kinda 'cured'.

Happy Weekend everyone! :)

I am typing this at work now on word and I'm gonna paste this on blogger later. I am feeling rather frustrated today due to a culmination of reasons. The first one pertains to my colleague. I can't place her. There is just something about her which annoys the hell out of me but I've been patient (you're talking about me here) with her simply because I cant ascertain if she's being like this on purpose or is she simply like that. What exactly?

Well, she's uber temperamental and the worse thing is that the changes are super subtle and quick that I don't know how to react! URGH. I mean one moment I feel like she's the office bitch and the next she's nice to me and all and then she's not a bitch anymore and then I feel guilty but then she does it again! And the cycle continues. I've never encountered such a person before and I'm quite lost as to how to respond to her style of interaction.

That said, I'm also frustrated because I feel under-used. The dendrites in my brain are shortening and my cells are shrinking. I need mental stimulation. Yes, it's not the peak period. I get it. And yes, it's only my first month. But I want something engaging to delve into. I might change my mind about this but till then: I miss school. I miss academia. I miss research. Although the thesis saga did not go down very well, I still very much love research. Literature review, running experiments, running stats analysis…I miss that rigor. At least that is personally fulfilling.

On a happy note, I can access utube after all. Listening to 'I'm Yours' by Jason mraz is calming J What a happy song.

The monday blues didnt hit me as bad today as it did last week. Sat and Sun didnt fly by so quickly this time round so I was able to savor every bit of it and oh, how splendid it was :)

After 2 months of recuperating from the backache, I finally ran on sat. It was a lovely evening and I managed to catch the sun set. Beautiful. The lush greenary against an orange-blue sky. Ahhhh... I tell you, I'm so blessed to be living here. My estate is probably one of the best estates in spore. As I was running, I bumped into the usual joggers. The amazing ah pek who's stamina is like woah. He runs back and forth countless times. The auntie who alternates between walks, jogs and cycle, depending on her mood, i suppose. The girl who jogs while daintily clutching her handkerchief with both hands. But I guess I missed the others since I arrived at the park connector slightly before 7 instead of the usual 6pm.

After the jog, I met up with my ex-fri-lunch girls :) We were chatting and eating and having fun that time simply went by too quickly!

Sunday. Family day. I decided that sunday would be bontot-my-parents day (tag along with parents). I havent gone out with them..just three of us..in what seems like a long time. We explored pasir ris together as they havent been to the new mall at downtown east, and we discovered tonnes of halal places to eat at. And my my, what a feast we had. We started with sushi, then satay, roti john, mee rebus, ice cream and cake. On me :) There's nothing sweeter than surprising parents by footing the bill. They've given me so much. I owe them everything.

Sigh. My daddy's leaving next monday and hopefully I can get the day off. The last time he went away to work for a few years in the mid east was when I was ard 2-4. In fact, my first memory ever can be traced back to that time. I remember following my mom to the post office where she made trunk calls in a private booth within the post office. I remember waiting for his letters and I remember my mom/sis reading his letters to me. In one of them, he said that he wanted me to write and if I could, he'd give me 5 bucks. And so I did :) I dont know what I scribbled but I remember attaching a drawing as well. I was trying to draw my family and I can still clearly recall how frustrated I was that the people ended up looking like weird monsters with super long limbs. I still keep the letters from yesteryears :) And that drawing is probably still in my 'memory' box.

This time will be different. Emails, phone calls and even webcam :)

Anyhoos, I cannot wait for my pay. Gosh, how many times have I mentioned that in my posts? I already have a mental list of things I wanna get once the dough comes in.

Money money money.......MONEY! I want.

I can't believe it's finally done. After months of resistance and putting it off, I have changed my blog skin. You see, over the holidays, I've been searching for skins which are simple, clean and pleasant-looking. I came across a few but they were either too complicated, too teenage-y. And when I did find something vaguely 'me', I encountered problems fitting html codes into the new skin. So I gave up. Then ever since I started working, I just couldnt be bothered. And I guess in some way, it affected my mood to blog.

So I'm excited now because I was just looking at blogger's selection of skins and without much thought, I clicked this one and wham! It's done! And Im loving it :) Simple. Clean. Green. I've decided not to keep the tagboard because people hardly tag and pop-ups keep appearing. So do leave a comment instead, ya? :)

And I've been doing a little thinking. I know that my previous posts seem to indicate that Im not finding a sense of fulfillment in my new job. That is still, alas, true. But the sheer fact that I am employed leaves me grateful. And it's timely that I got reminded that I cant have everything. This is my first job and Im only into my first month or so. I shall give it time. Insha-Allah, i will find meaning in what Im doing. Meanwhile, i shall take things in stride and learn as much as I can.

Whee~ Changing blogskin is therapeutic. It's like buying a new and pretty notebook and itching to write in it :)

Random question.

Why are there two versions of the national day song? One is english and the other in mandarin?
Are there two other versions Im not aware of? Say, in malay and tamil?

END POST~7.49pm

I was reading yunxian's blog about how it sucks to feel completely incompetent. Believe me girl, you are not alone. I've been feeling like that the whole week. Why am I here? I dont know as much as the others. Im new, yes. But I hate not being in the know. I am not as sharp. Im not as knowledgeable. Why am I doing here?

So that's work. Ive been doing mini things here and there...and I got my first weekend work to do because someone didnt tell me she needed her stuff by monday morning sooner. ah well. Thinking about the money helps :D

Well, there are so many things to blog about. Nudgie's back in auzzie...but he'll be back in 3 months time for a whopping 3 months break so yay!

Other than that, I can only remember a few things that happened to me the last couple of weeks. I slip and fell down the flight of staircase outside gv marina and the only way to break the fall was to hook my arm to the rail...and so I ended up with a bruise I named bruce. I took some lovely pictures which I'll put up another time :D

Im going to lunch now! I guess I'll resume blogging another time. Happy weekend!

END POST~12.31pm

Commencement came and went. Just like prom, the highlight of the night was taking photos with friends :) Seriously, the ceremony was uneventful. The guest speaker and the valedictorian gave awful and uninspiring speeches, so much so that I wanted to grab the mike from them and deliver a better one. I think we all deserved that. What irks me even more is that the valedictorian wasnt even from psych. She was some el/lit major, who, by the way, probably embarassed the dept for she was truly not what one would expect from a el/lit graduate, first class no less. Pardon me for being critical, but I do think that someone from psych should be the one up there, given that majority of us were from psych. Or at least someone who can articulate well and can show a bit more enthusiasm in his/her speech. And everybody knows that one should NEVER inject more than 2 quotes in any speech. She inserted countless quotes, and, as if to show that she's well rounded or smt, she gave quotes in english, german, french, jap and korean...and she quoted shakespeare (Wah) twice or 3 times. We were all rolling our eyes by then. And she was super blur at the end when she was supposed to give the cue to throw our hats up. So in the end, the ceremony ended with balloons and streamers but no flying hats. Boo.

But other than that, I had a great time snapping pictures here and there. And the event was made memorable because my loved ones were present... :) Despite the fact that the ceremony ended around 9 plus-10, everyone's mood was high, chatting, catching up and taking pictures again and again. How often would we all be at the same place again?

That said, thank you so much nudgie for taking pictures the whole night :) I've uploaded them on fcebk.

Work wise, I was able to speak to my team mates a few days ago over lunch..about lunch. It was just the 3 of us so we had a lovely chit-chat and I think I kinda bonded with them :) So everything's looking up at last! Work's coming in at a steady pace too and they've asked me if Im willing to start working on a project. I think I might be ready but I told them I'd think about it. :)

I calculated that in the last 3 weeks since I started working, Ive spent a whopping $750 bucks. The downer is that I wont be getting my pay till August cos I joined after the 'window period'. Right. SIGH. Which means, Im going to be a miser for the next few weeks else I deplete my savings.

But before that, Im going to blanja my family dinner cos im supposed to get my pay and I dont want to wait till august since my dad is flying off so yeap..im digging into my life savings yet again.

B and I had an adventure-packed day yesterday. We went to sungai buloh and then to night safari. Ive never been to these places so Im really glad we went! :) SB is a lovely place to go if you want to get away from humans. NS on the other hand...it was so crowded so much so that tranquility we enjoyed and took away from SB was disrupted. But it was fun anyways, sitting on the tram, enjoying the view and the animals...and the live show was superbly entertaining.

Till next week, have a lovely evening :)

END POST~5.20pm

OFF DAY!

Wah, it's so shiok to wake up at 9am instead of 6.30am, especially with the cool, rainy weather! I miss being a bum.

Commencement tonight at 8pm and I'm a little bit nerved up. Why? Because there's so many things to do. I'm not anxious about the ceremony but everything else. I have to make sure my family members arent bored as I take pictures with my friends. I have to make sure I find my friends in the possible chaos that ensues after the ceremony. I have to ensure that najib and farhana arent bored. AND I have to look good. Stress!

Breathe. Everything will work out well. It's my day. Breathe. :D

Please God, I dont want to fall on stage :P

END POST~10.49am

Home early today! :D Feels good to come home early to a hearty meal too.

Mel's commencement today so cheryl and I made our way to ucc. Mel was so happy :) Congrats dear!

And today was baby's results. CONGRATS nudgie baby! Alhamdulillah :D My darling's a genius eh? :)

Alright, Im going to unwind...ah...home...

END POST~7.49pm

Week 2 and I feel like I've picked up quite a bit. I was given a few tasks-thank God- so I wasn't too bored with work. Im actually looking forward to get into the thick of things. Come on, pile me up with tasks. Make me busy so I wont have to lunch!

Lunch. I used to love lunching cos it offers an escape-from classes, etc and you know, it's super relaxing. But now? I actually hate it. On workdays, of course. For several reasons
1) It's some unspoken rule that everyone in the team would lunch together. ??. including the bosses.... ?!?!
2) I'm still trying to find some common ground with them and it's taking longer than usual. I'm a people person. But seriously, this bunch is taking super super long to warm up..SIGH. But at least I see progress, altho, even among themselves, there are awkward silences.
3) I'm a creature of habit. I like to eat at the same place most of the time-and eat the same thing. It saves me the trouble of thinking...which brings me to..
4) YES, I EAT ONLY HALAL FOOD. And because of that, I feel horrible every lunch time because I feel it's MY fault that they cant eat wherever they want or that they have to take extra effort to make sure I can eat with them. Which in turn, only serves to remind me that it's because of me. me. me.

There are 2 ways to reconcile this:
1) Dont force me to eat with you guys cos im totally fine eating alone. Really, please dont feel bad. Im happier that way. Besides, I'm dying to try the cafeteria which they have been avoiding (dunno why..i mean they sell bao-s! I LOVE bao-s).
2) I can ta pao lunch and eat wherever you guys wanna eat. Im totally cool la.

In sum, dont make such a big deal out of it because it only makes me feel worse. I mean, just do what you guys wanna do and I'll try ways to get round it. Take for eg fri. They ate at some hawker place and I bought tea and some pastry from the confectionary nearby. I was perfectly contented with my meal...except when they kept asking me if thats all im eating. So in turn I had to cook up a lie saying Im full..had a heavy breakfast etc so long as they shuddup.

Hm. Yeah, I think I'll do that. I'll have a super duper heavy breakfast and then for lunch, I think I'll just snack on fruits or sandwiches I pack from home.

And hopefully, work will start piling so I can skip lunch altogether!! :D

And woot! Fasting month is coming!!! :D :D :D

Other than the social aspect of work, I'm actually quite proud of myself because I made a suggestion and my boss said it's a good one and that it might be implemented! :D Aiya, very minor la. But it's given me the confidence to just speak my mind. Besides, it's my first few weeks and my first job. I think I deserve being an office idiot! :)

So that would be my personal work motivation for the year: Think, Question, Push, Change.

Work aside, I find myself too tired to sit in front of the pc/laptop to blog. It's the travelling and early mornings, I tell you. So heh, my weekend posts will be quite long from now on :)

Nudgie's back and we've been spending time together. He's so skinny now...need to fatten him up! Other than that, I had a therepeutic meet-up with pema a couple of days ago, and I went down for the psych camp for a senior-junior sharing session, where I met so many people I havent met in ages. It was a very nice feeling, coming down to nus after work and seeing other friends who came from work too. Then a few of us had supper and just started talking about nothing and everything. I miss these kinds of meet ups.

My dad's birthday was on fri and it was, at least from my point of view, an emo one. I nearly cried when my nenek doa-ed. Okay, my nenek has this way of really doa-ing. Anyway, my dad has been posted overseas and he'll be leaving in a couple of weeks time. The last time he worked away from home was when I was 3-4. So I gave him a webcam so in that way, we can still keep in touch! In fact, I was just teaching him how to use it on msn! :)

Tomorrow is my parent's 31st wedding anniversary. They got married on 7/7/77. So nice right? :) Alhamdulillah, my family has been so blessed. And farhana is coming home for good tmr too! Then on wed, its my commencement and I applied for leave so I'm off!! :)

END POST~2.06pm

Hello :)

I've been away for a while, havent I? I was settling down and getting used to the work-sleep schedule.

Work's alright I suppose. The people are nice although they're somewhat intimidating, in that they're super 'on' about work and they know so much...and they speak proper English. SIGH. So I find myself having to make a concerted effort in picking the right words and phrasing my sentences properly when talking to them. So tiring, can? Thank GOD I have cheryl to listen to my outbursts of singlish.

So I got my work area. Quite a roomy cubicle and Im issued with a new laptop. On the bright side, I'm situated near the corner of the office and so not that very many people would walk past me. Plus it isnt as cold as other parts of the building. On the downside, I cant access hotmail and other fun stuff, although there's wireless sg and computer terminals in the lobbies so I can access these sites from there.

Spent the entire week familiarising myself with the org and the job functions. Meetings, readings...and my very first report writing. It's quite scary to be doing real work. I'm just so scared Im gonna screw up. I mean, if I screw up my grades, its my problem..but this...this is different. Anyway, I guess I just need to believe in myself a bit more. I got chosen for this job for a reason. I must be in some way competent enough for them to hire me.

Collected my gown a couple of days ago. I agree with karina about how reminiscent collecting the gown was to matriculation 4 years ago. Time flies! :) Family's gonna take a picture together in our respective gowns tomorrow.

Went to the physio today. He cracked my back real good. Quite satisfying. And he thought me some exercises to activate my lower back muscles. Apparently, I've been pivoting on the upper portion of my lower back such that the lower lower ones arent really maximally used. And hurrah, I found out my physio fees could be subsidised by the org i work for! :)

After physio, I went shopping with sis. 3 tops and yet another pair of shoes...and I havent even gotten my first pay. Ah, but clothes/shoes are essential for a working lady, no?

Then, we went to see my dad perform. My dad is super cool la :)

And my darling's back! He landed about 45 mins ago safe and sound. Alhamdulillah. I actually cant quite believe he's back. He called from the airport.. but you know, he's been calling lately anyway...I think once I see him, I'll believe it. :)

Welcome home, baby! :D

END POST~12.20am

I dont know whether to feel sad or anxious. But im dreading tomorrow, thats for sure.

The next phase of life. Work.

I've become so accustomed to the bum of a life Ive had for the past couple of months. And in the larger scheme of things, for the past 4 years. The last time I had to consistently wake up 5 days in a row before sunrise was jc. From tmr? No more rolling around in bed. No more waking up and sleeping as and when i please on weekdays..all the way till Im next unemployed or retired.

And travelling all the way to b.vista? That is enough of a turn off. People say, think about the money and I'll feel better. I suppose as soon as I get my first paycheck then I'll feel motivated. Or by some amazing miracle, work is enjoyable.

How can work be enjoyable? It's work. Plus I'll have to be conscious of making a positive first impression or else suffer the rest of the year righting wrong impressions of me. So as you can tell, Im psyching myself up to have zero or negative expectations so I'll feel super happy if its otherwise.

Oh sigh. Ok ok ok. Think positive farah. I'm employed! So...

Insha-Allah, tomorrow, I will be able to start my career on a positive note. Insha-Allah, I'll have the strength and capacity to be an efficient, productive and happy worker. Insha-Allah, I'll have a positive impact on the people around me. Insha-Allah, my life will continue to be as wonderful as it is now, if not more :)

Amin.

END POST~7.50pm

Went for a walk. It hurts. My hips hurts. Every step I take, it feels like someone is stabbing me, pinching my nerves. How am I going to go to work? Or wear heels???

I guess I have to go back to taking painkillers.

Two weeks already. Ive had enough. This is depressing.

END POST~5.11pm

Atonement is depressing. Kungfu panda is funny. The Happening had to potential to be an excellent movie had it not been for the ending, or lack of it. Environmentalists would most certainly love this show.

Not much of a review eh? Oh, Ive watched almost every movie there is. I just hadnt bothered to review them because...I cant remembered what Ive seen. Lets see..Ive watched all of jane austen's movie adaptations (sense and sensibility, mansfield park, persuasion, emma, northanger abbey) except P&P since ive watched it before. Ive watched jane eyre (bronte) as well. Ive watched narnia, what stays in vegas, just like heaven, the family stone, stargate (i stopped halfway because it was awful), terminator-the sarah conner chornicles., v for vendetta, august rush, mona lisa smile, little women, sex and the city, indiana jones, never been kissed (again) ..and im pretty darn sure if you jog my memory by naming me films, I can tell you ive watched it. Well, at least 70% of the time. All I know is that I average 3 movies/day.

Hm. What else should I watch..

Oh. 2 days of freedom left and my back is aching a lot more all thanks to thursday.

END POST~12.48pm