Oh why doesn't spore sell side-kick phones?

Ive been wanting one of those phones since I saw people tv (esp claire-heroes) using it. Super cool la. I want. But it can only be found in the states, uk and possibly aussie.

Aussie. I know someone over there!

But will it be able to function with the spore networks?

Why isnt that phone available here? It'll definitely have a market here for sure.

I just love the way the phone screen slides up to reveal a key-board :)

http://www.hiptop.com/danger101/danger+powered+products

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZ4fzmsHvMI&NR=1 (check out the cool swivel up screen)

I WANT!

END POST~9.34am

On the plus side, I have managed to wean myself off unhealthy waking hours. Still, why on earth cant i concentrate on my revision?

Oh, I've tried and I've tried but I get easily distracted. By food. By youtube. By other blogs. By reading the news. Goodness! I had 2 weeks to study and now Im down to 3 days before my first paper. I am starting to panic!

Come on farah! Last set of hurdles to clear! Go Go Gooooo!

END POST~9.35am

Bloody incompetent lor. First few words that came to mind as I read the report. Are they stupid or stupid? What kind of jail has toilets looking like the kind found in secondary schools?

If it were me, everyone, top-down, should be sacked. Not punished, not reshuffled but SACKED. That way, incompetent people are removed. And fresh people can come in. I know a whole lot of people who need jobs can?

So angry la. Nonsense really.



END POST~7.39pm

"Play that funky music bla blaaaa...."

Song stuck in my head! Out of the blue some more! Yesterday it was mariah carey's new songs la. Now this!

Anyway, sipping my peppermint tea because I learnt in class that peppermint is a mental stimulant :)

I need to confess something too. I have been having cravings for junk and fast food over the past week. And I've acted on them! (hide under pillow). Its true! Chips, tim tam and so on. I sealed the deal with TWO CONSECUTIVE days of kfc. I know!

But but but, at least I ended the week witha 4.4k run. Considering I havent run in a month, I think I did alright :)

Ok, another confession. I signed myself and my sis up for a 10km run that'll happen in june. Haha..i guess in all that stress last month, I needed an outlet, something to work towards as well..so I signed us up, much to her (my sis) dismay.

So now she wants to train thrice a week! Haha..we'll see.

Goodness! I just received an sms! A friend just asked me out to kfc! Oh o.

END POST~10.30am

I am feeling extremely uneasy. I received a mail abt the organ donation thing. Previously, I was exempted. But recently, there has been a change in the ruling. How come the change? Pardon my scepticism but why is it when they want something, that something somehow manages to transcend all boundaries and hence becomes acceptable?

Why now? Why wasnt it implemented from the beginning?

I'm confused! I have till aug to decide. And I dont want to think of such things :(

It's morbid.

END POST~4.53pm

I was googling for inspirational stuff and I found this on someone's blog. Its so beautifully said! I'm going to attempt to translate it as best as I can :)

"Bila Allah cepat makbulkan Doamu, Maka DIA Menyayangimu, Bila DIA Lambat Makbulkan doamu, Maka DIA Ingin Mengujimu, Bila DIA Tidak Makbulkan Doamu, Maka Dia Merancang Sesuatu Yang lEbih Baik Untukmu. Oleh itu, Sentiasalah Bersangka Baik Pada ALLAH Dalam Apa Jua Keadaan Pun...Kerana Kasih sayang ALLAH Itu Mendahului KemurkaanNya"

When Allah answers your doa (prayer) quickly, it means HE loves you. When HE answers it later, it means HE intends to test you, when HE does not grant you what you asked for, it mean HE has better plans for you. As such, always think the best of Allah in any circumstance..Because Allah's love surpasses His ??. (oh dear..I dont quite know how to translate this word)

"Sesungguhnya jika Allah mencintai seorg hamba maka Dia tenggelamkan hamba itu dalam cubaan. Barangsiapa yang tidak pernah mengalami musibah maka ia jauh daripada kasih sayangNya..."

When Allah loves HIS servants, HE throws at them challenges. Should anyone not ever face challenges, it means that he is far from Allah's love.

Ok, my translation does not do justice to extracts. The malay language can be so beautiful :)

END POST~11.32pm

Rejection. No matter how many times it comes flying into your face, you'll never be able to be numbed by it. Perhaps numb at first, but then it'll hurt. A whole lot. Especially when you set your heart on that one thing. And everyone else ard you has their hopes appended to yours.

I will not shed a tear. No. I'm going to swallow this lump. Because Im not destined for this. Another one will come along, Insha-Allah. God knows best.

So as much as the pain is getting stronger as minutes go by, I will exhale it. I'm blessed to be given the opportunity to get that far. To make it to the final cut. I prayed for that opportunity and I got it. I gave it my best, I honestly gave it my all. So, Alhamdulillah for that.

And that's that.

That's that.

Breathe.

That's that.

Moving on.

END POST~9.26pm

Last lesson was alright. I know Im going to sound awful, but I didnt really learn much today. Maybe its a sign that the time is right for me to leave school :) I sat alone during my final lect at nus. After the lesson ended, she wished us the best, then people started whipping out their camera. But I left class.

I wanted to pray in school for the last time. So I took my wudhu and made my way to the prayer area at as6. I prayed. And after that, I just sat down and let my mind wander. 4 years. Gosh 4 whole years. I had flashbacks. Me wearing a yellow t-shirt, denim skirt and sports shoe (I know. What was I thinking. Fresh out of jc la). How I first prayed around the same area. Back then, the prayer area was at the lift lobby outside the social work dept. How I learnt my grandma passed away in year 2 while I was having lect at lt14. How I prayed in between classes during the fasting month. How when my darling came, we were both fasting, we went separate ways to pray maghrib first before meeting up to break fast together. How I'd pray for this. For that.
How I'd meet other muslim girls I wouldnt have met if not for this area. How we chatted for a while and then very seldomly meet again.

And then I looked around. What a beautiful place to pray. Because its by the window. The huge window by the stairs which overlooks the old law lib and biz faculty, where you can see the sea and ships and the clear sky. After reminisicing, I left the area and I dont know why, I looked back at the area and I said Alhamdulillah, and I walked away. I guess I meant it to be for everything. For the 4 years. For the good, for the bad, everything. Then I found myself smiling. The mass of trees that were burnt and brown 2 years ago have all gone green again. Renewed.

I'm getting all philo. With that, I met up with a couple of people and then I left :)

Went to the bus stop and there I saw 4 psych lecturers, one of them, my sup. At first I was like "oh noo" because I didnt want to make small talk because a part of me had fear conditioned. So I hid myself. But eventually I managed to pluck up the courage to board the same bus as him. And I even waved to him as I made my way to my seat. How ridiculous! I chuckled to myself. Out here, he is just another person. No power. No status. Nothing. Just another human being heading home from work.

Ive conquered my ridiculous fear. What a feeling! :)

I am an adult now!

Giggles. Adult. Hehehe.

END POST~10.02pm

I have utmost respect for all caregivers out there. I had a brief encounter as a caregiver this morning. My grandma was due for her blood test and check up at the hospital. Everyone else was working. Usually dad would bring her. But today, after convincing her that I can take her (she proudly insisted she could go herself, when seriously, she cant la), we set off.

Gosh. When she had to get her blood taken, I almost cried. She was in pain. And the nurses kept poking her because she had too little blood to fill even one tube. She started wincing and I couldnt take it. Thank goodness they managed to get half a tube. They were supposed to collect 2 full tubes. But she really couldnt give that much. So Im glad the nurses agreed with me to work on what they have.

So we hobbled over to get her some breakfast cos she had to fast overnight for the test. Hobbled. I guess Im so used to walking quickly. Patience.

More waiting. Waited an hr for the check up. In the room, she was 'negotiating' with the doc as to how frequent she had to come down for tests. 6 weeks. They settled on that. He wanted a scope to be done. She was on the verge of screaming. She doesnt want a tube stuck down her throat. He looked at me. Im not used to making these kinds of decisions. So I asked him, is it very necessary and urgent. He seemed annoyed. He said no. Then I said, we'll discuss this at home. She doesnt want it now. If she decides otherwise, we'll set it up.

Waiting room. Cashier.

Pharmacy. Wait. Collect medicine. 13 different kinds of pills. With all sorts of instructions. Wait. Pay. I love medisave.

Tired. I am super tired. But its my last lesson in nus forever perhaps.

3.5 hrs at the hosp is draining. I have to leave home in 10 minutes.

I'm sleepy. I'm tired. But I will go on.

Patience. Discipline. Filial piety. Fortitude.

Learnt all of these in my last day of school.

END POST~2.19pm

Its settled!!!!!!!!!

We're confirmed going for a holiday together. I can hardly believe it. After all that research, mel had to click on one website and ta-da! Flight + Hotel settled just like that. What's more its the very hotel we were eyeing from the beginning but which was super expensive. I love love love zuji! What a steal :)

Now I'm definitely going to mug all the way for exams cos 3 days after my last paper, I'll be off and away for a spa holiday!

Insha-Allah, it will be a safe, fun and rejuvenating trip!

END POST~9.15pm

Okay. Maybe I have a sick, disturbing fascination with wound healing. Heh, some readers are grossed out by my heel picture and have asked me to remove it or at least to create new posts so they wouldnt have to see that image upon clicking my blog.

I had planned to put up a 'one week later' pic here but to ensure people dont end up puking or grimacing (I dont understand why), I have placed it in the same post as the earlier one.

So curious people can scroll down and check it out! I think its heeling (hehehe) nicely!

END POST~11.09am

Money money money mo-ney...MONEY! (theme from the apprentice)

Yay!! I love love love being over 21 because that means, from time to time, i'd get mail saying that $xxx of money would be automatically credited to my account.

Been planning our bkk trip. It's quite fun to plan but now im having a headache. I think its the weather. So hot. Then rain.

END POST~5.48pm

Ahhhhhhhh...........

What a blissful weekend. No pending assignments. No morning anxiety attacks. Life is so beautiful.

Went shopping on both days with my darling sister, who kindly sponsored whatever I picked, as part of my belated birthday present.

:) :) :)

I am recharged, people. Recharged, refreshed, rejuvenated.

Exams? Pfft! Bring them on! I am so going to enjoy my last week of school.

Ahh..

END POST~9.32am

One week later (above) Heeling nicely, dont you think?

Let this be a photo reminder to myself. Bite the shoe before the shoe bites you!

I dont get it! Why aren't these movies out yet?
1) Definitely, maybe
2) The other boleyn girl

Their ad prints appear in the newspaper and reviews for both movies are out a long long time ago so why arent they showing them on the big screen already?

Anyway, yesterday, I had some semblance of a celebratory lunch/dinner/drink w pema. After lunch, I desperately wanted to leave school and engage in mindless shopping (window) and movie watching. Obviously, we couldnt catch both movies..so we went to vivo and *attempted* to shop, only to wind up at starbucks :)

P was really sweet, listening to me ramble about certain interviews I went to and how I really really want this job in particular..

Speaking of interviews, I had to buy myself pumps. I have the following conclusion to make.
Im a big bodoh when it comes to buying shoes because they all end up tearing my skin up and leaving my raw flesh exposed to the world. Im in pain, people! Thank goodness i heeded my sister's advice to bring an extra pair in case. Even so, that pair couldnt safe me from the intense pain. Lucky for me, the bazaar beng selling slippers and t-shirts had his booth still in the forum (does he ever leave). So I got myself flip flops for 5 bucks! :) My feet were happy the whole day after that.

Which explains why the vivo trip happened :)

Was absolutely zonked by the time I got home cos Ive been having really really weird sleeping hours but but but, it was my baby's birthday so I webcammed with him a little and I felt mighty happier. What a nice way to end the day, eh? We're only 2 hours away and I feel closer to you :)

Happy birthday again b :)

END POST~10.20am

Happy 23rd Birthday baby!

Alhamdulillah for you :) Insha-Allah, you will have a wonderful life ahead of you and May Allah bless you!

END POST~11.07pm

I wish I had witty opening statements to make but I dont. In fact, Ive logged onto blogger countless times but I end up logging out because I just didnt feel like completing any sentence..

Eventually I would and I'd like to simply jump into talking about other things but, the thing is, I cant. How can I avoid mentioning it because it is was still is a big part of my academic life?

I handed it in late, folks. 40 mins late. But I handed it in nevertheless. I wasnt feeling the emotions I dreamt I would. That sense of accomplishment..the so called 'deliverance'..I did not get to experience that. Instead, I felt nothing and everything but not what I had been longing for.

I felt disappointment, anger, frustration at myself because I was unable to realise the image I had in my head. But I did feel, that given the circumstances, I did the best that I could possibly manage. Still, when I re-read what I submitted and thought of all the things I could have put into it..it saddens me.

Particularly because that thing is supposed to embody all that I have learnt in the past 4 years. It was supposed to mark an achievement..a milestone. I've worked so hard from the beginning, only to falter at the end. What's worse, markers/readers wont appreciate the effort that went into it. All they will see is what I submitted-which isnt a true reflection of what went into it.

But its over. And through the entire process, I have learnt a lot. I know, i know, this is the 'loser talk' but well, its true. I have really learnt a lot abt myself. And I have to say, I have more faith in God than ever before. Because I highly doubt that I would have had the strength to complete it at all had it not been for Him. Well, it might not be a fantastic piece of work, but its done, you know? I think I finally know what its like to hit rock bottom. But to rise above that because of faith.

So that's that. Alhamdulillah. I pray, that when I look back on in life, I will be happy with whats happened. Everything happens for a reason. As much as I want to sound gloomy and all, there must be a reason, beyond me, beyond you, there must be a reason why the sequence of events leading up to the thesis submission happened.

And that drives me...that reminds me that I should really just leave it to Allah. Because He has plans for me and in some ways, Im quite excited to find out what :)

Insha-Allah, I will have a bright future ahead of me. I have been so blessed by what I have now..and even if things dont turn out the way I wish it to, I think I'll be alright..as long as I submit myself to Him.

:)

END POST~10.06pm

I've been so afraid of coming off as dumb or as having not thought through my thesis enough but you know what?

I dont care. This is MY thesis. This is MY final lap. I WILL enjoy writing this.

I WILL HAVE FUN! Because this labour of love is finally going to happen.

Even if it comes out wrong, even if it doesnt make sense to others, it is MY baby, and Im going to make sure as much as I can that it comes out right. I will leave the rest to Allah because He is the only one who can determine my fate.

In short, good or bad, I will love it no matter what happens.

END POST~1.37pm

I'm blessed to have such a supportive studying environment at home. Academia is definitely in our veins!

While i've been moping these past few days, I realise that my brothers and sister are facing similar stresses.

My sis and bro will be taking the same post-grad exam on the 8th of april so they've been up studying and its super encouraging. My eldest bro on the other hand is working hard on his dissertation. I love my family! Its like a library here at night! And its really interesting to see how study modes among us differ. Sister would sleep early yet somehow she'll always cover what she seeks to. I suspect she's the most efficient one among the 4 of us. Brother 2 doesnt sleep. He's a night owl and in some way, I take after him because brother 1 is like sister. He wakes up early and sleeps early. And its nice to see others awake and reading in the dead of the night because it fuels you, you know. Just keep on going...

And when i need help with my thesis, i have so many people to approach. Sister can explain the gynae stuff while brother 2 can explain the cardio stuff (ok la. Maybe im stereotyping my own siblings cos theyre both good at everything) and brother 1 is super experienced with the whole writing thing. I mean he's written a thesis, and published a paper is some journal for his masters..and he's writing another one now...

I love my mugger-ish family.

They really are my inspiration. If they can juggle work and study, why cant I handle study?

Alhamdulillah, my parents instilled in us a sense of passion for knowledge.

END POST~11.49am

First and foremost, thank you so much to everyone for the messages I received today. I am completely overwhelmed and feel so blessed to have people giving me such support and encouragement. And for remembering today, even though I wasnt in the mood for celebrations at all. I've never had so many people wish me before and though it may seem to be nothing much on your part, it really meant a great deal to me, especially at this time in my life.

Thank you so much for reminding me that even in the darkest hour, I am really not alone.

Thank you for making me smile again. For making feel loved.

I started off today tearing at the littlest things and feeling woeful. But now...Im tearing because Im so happy..I am truly blessed! Alhamdulillah :)

It all started at midnight when my Najib sang me a birthday song over the webcam..and I opened the letter he sent me weeks ago (instructions read: Do not open till 25th march)..I was and still am so touched...I love you so much, baby. I felt so much better...

After nudgie went offline, I analysed data some more but I forced myself to sleep at 2am so I could get up at 6am to continue. But I found myself sleeping in till 7.30. Instead of rushing to school, I sat myself down in front of my laptop and continued from where I left off. No way was I going to meet my sup without being prepared. So I took a cab to sch and for some reason, I just couldnt stop crying...

Met the sup, and well, that's another story. Bottom line is: Farah really has a lot to accomplish by this Fri..

Went on to do some graphing before heading for lesson...and then lunch.

After lunch, everything went uphill again. For some reason, seeing Pema made me happy. Seeing her always makes me happy. Im not quite sure why. My appetite which had been absent for days returned! And :), she volunteered to be my servant for the day by zapping a whole load of materials from the lib.

Meanwhile, the sms-es came flooding in. My mom, my dad, and so many more and more and more and more. And when I bump into people, they know! Close friends, aquintances, old friends, new friends...How come? Then I realise....its cos of facebook!! Haha :)

Headed home with yx after the stop at the lib. My mom gave me a hug/kiss as soon as I stepped in. I love my family. Everyone was happy and that made me happy. I'm so blessed. Then my dad started a little doa and there was a lump in my throat...I love my life so much...

Then farhana came over and brought me a cake :) Had a nice chat with her and she was super encouraging :)

And now im online w my nudgie :) I'm going to talk to him because I havent had the time to the whole day today...

And then its back to work for me...

Insha-Allah, I will get things done by the dateline.

END POST~10.55pm