Un fit.

What does a girl who hasnt run for ages and who cant really run to begin with is asked to run with her friend? And the tiny lil fact that her friend CAN really run? That he completed a 10Km marathon and came in 18th (and that was when he just recovered) and he considers 3km a sprint when the girl considers it a marathon?

Gargh. [buries face in pillow]

Ive told him countless times that i cannot run for nuts. Why do people who can run always assume everyone can run like them? I cant. Ask my JC classmates. I mean ask anyone.
And the tiny fact that im pretty verbally abusive when im tired. I mean, imagine running beside someone who's all smiley and "come on, you can..." and all you feel is slapping the person with a frying pan. Or your hands. If you had the strength, that is.

I feel like a slob....BUT
I feel so motivated by him to run though.

But i will not run with him. Yet. Thank goodness he's stuck at camp. Hahhahahahha...i highly doubt he'd wanna run on his off days. Then again.

ok ok ok ok ok. Im gonna run....soon....its for my health. And my mental well being. I feel like a slob. I need to run off that feeling. I wanna feel the adrenaline. I wanna feel a little bit more alive.

I hope i can get pass 1 km. Dear God, i hope i can.

Good evening

[Yawn] Just woke up. Nyak. Nyak. Nyak.

Oh man, i was so psyched up for school till i realised last Thurs and was reminded again today (my bro's commencement ceremony) about how painful it would be to wake up early every morning and take that ardously long journey to school. (to think on normal days, i'd have to take public transpot) I hope i get the time table i want. Please let me get the time table i took so long to draft. Please.

Anyway, i wont be able to go on Msn much till i figure out whats wrong with the wireless connection to my lap top. For any computer whizzes out there, what on earth are "packets"? How come my lap top can send but cannot receive? And when i do get online, i'd get d/c in no time cos of the packets thingy. It was perfectly fine before!!

Im thinking of chucking my table and buying a bookshelf. I dont even use the table. And i need e space for books. Ive only taken two semesters and i dont have space already. IKEA, anyone?

Amusing. If only i could count the number of people asking me the same question. Yes. I am with someone. And haha, you know that "Your profile has been viewed xx times since mm/dd/yy" on friendster? Amazing how the number shot up when i put a pic of us online.

Speaking of him, he will be out for his grad tmr!

Anyway, had a SWAPS exco meeting yesterday. Wasnt in a meeting mode yest so i kinda blah things. Until i had food that is. Before that, i felt that i was outside looking in on the rest. Wow. Ive never seen such a dedicated and extremely passionate bunch of people. My hats off to all of you. Shame on me for sitting amongst you while in all honesty, i was kinda bo chap then. Then again, that was before i had food in my system. Im pretty sure, deep down, i do care. I mean, heck, come to think of it, i do! I mean SWAPS welcomed me and coloured my first year as an undergrad. I instantly made friends and learnt a lot over the two semesters. Learnt my limitations. My strenghts. Whatever happens to the society, i will always cherish the times i had with the 18th exco.

As to whether the society will split, we all know it is the inevitable. The arguments made for and against the motion were kinda balanced and yet circular at the same time. I do hope that whatever decision we make, it will be a decision that we can look back on and be satisfied with.

Jolted

I was rudely awoken this morning by a very very loud and extremely frightening drone from outside my window and which seemed to have lasted forever.

The time was 3.30am.....AM. IN THE MORNING when it happened. At first it was a faint drone...then it got progressively and deafeningly loud. My eyes opened instantaneously. Thoughts dashed in and out of my head. Could this be it? Armageddon? End of the world? (its was 3 bloody AM i must emphasise). I looked out the window and to my horror, i saw........

TANKS. SAF TANKS.And those bridge builders thingy. Streaming happily along Avenue 9.

War? Whats happening??!! Then, tugging very hard at the back of my head, came a more realistic probability....NDP. And that got me so angry.

What is their problem? Tearing down civilian streets like that in the wee hours of the morning? Scaring people out of their sleeps, making sleep deprived people jump to radical conclusions? I hope nobody suffered from outbreaks of hysteria!!

So much for stealth army boys. Sheesh!

And i was really really frightened. Especially cos i was alone in the room. Sis was at work. Man, was i scared. I covered my ears but the droning went on for the next goodness knows how many more minutes before slowly ebbing away in the distance.

So much for my hope of having an uninterupted sleep.

potluck?

So like why are potlucks called potlucks?

Anyway, the potluck went pretty fine....friends actually prepared food! Like rice and chicken and fish...all i brought was snacks...it was nice hanging with my sec school peeps...reminiscing bout the past..and all the zany memories...havent seen manju in ages and my gosh, she's still the same! Havent seen yali since i left dunman either! Then of course there was Tini, shikin and aisyah...farhana has mumps and widya couldnt make it.

Nice time at pasir ris park.....

And then i got a call from him. :) :) :)
He says he's fine, his bunk mates are on, the mats there are funny and that his company/bunk/whatever overlooks the sea. And the best part, he"ll be out this tues night cos he has to attend his graduation ceremony, which means that there might be a possibility that we can go out for a while. What a bonus!

so anyway, why are potlucks so called?

Many a things hath happened...

Thursday was my sis's commencement. Was and still am so proud of her... :) We were granted access to the VIP area cos my sister was chosen as one of those to meet President SR Nathan...So we got to mingle with him (he asked my father which part of Pakistan we were originally from...Hahahah) and took pics with him and Dr Tony Tan. The president was a chatty guy really!

Also, remember that wannabe reality tv date show "eye for a guy" or whatever? Well, that wolfgang guy was there...his bro was graduating too..pretty good looking chap.

Anyhow, my sis came out in the malay papers yesterday...to inspire the malay/muslim community i suppose. hmm.

And, Najib enlisted. Gargh...its only for 3 weeks before he can come out but i cant help feeling kinda heavy hearted....worse, i fell asleep when he tried to call. [kick self] ah well. I"ll be seeing him soon... :)

Went out with cheryl too...she dragged me out so i wont wallow at home alone..thank you my "favourite friend"! hehehhehehehehhehehe

And later ive got tuition (after a month hiatus, i almost forgot i have a job!) and meeting up my sec school friends for a potluck at pasir ris park....

Then next week.....i dunno whats happening next week...im thinking of getting my life in order before school...ive kinda gotten a rough time table out...and oh yes, farah, PLEASE REMEMBER TO SELECT A SLOT FOR FRENCH LECTS BY NEXT WED.

That oughta remind me!

have a nice weekend y'all!

resistant to change

Why? Why must NUS bloody change the system? Its so troublesome trying to piece a perfect time table for next sem. First, i have to memorise the module codes. Then, i gotta check if the exams clash on a different page....then i gotta go to other faculty websites to get the codes of the other mods i want....GARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Forget it. I shall plan later.

Its the holidays. Its still the holidays.

I feel like blogging

Yesterday was my daddy's birthday. Yep, 4th of July. It was a nice little family party. Just the six of us, nice and cosy.....I gave him some inspirational poster (cos he's been looking worried these days...dunno why) and some MPH vouchers cos he loves books and i just couldnt find the right one for him..so yeah...and i gave him a big hug. :). The others are gonna get him a home theatre system...right...that led to discussions on how our hall should be redecorated and bla bla bla....all 6 of us just sat there and started discussing...it was nice...it was no longer just the parents making the decisions...all of us have a say now...anyway,

I love my dad so much.

The day before was my cousin Linda's and my friend Shaun's birthday...even though you guys arent near me, doesnt mean id forget you know!!

And so, today. Well, nothing happening. Might be going out with him

Tomorrow:Might be going out with him again

Thurs:My sister's commencement and my parents 28th wedding anniversary.

Fri: My baby's off. SIGH. :(
Going out with cheryl to take my mind off it.

And from then on, i would very much like to go out with you....yes, you reading this right now...cos i"ll probably be miserable and bored at home....or maybe i might just plunge into getting ready for the next sem.....i STILL havent cleared my room!!!!

Right....oh yeah, i feel kinda out of Re-fresh.....its like i was looking thru the pics (just briefly) and i realised that im not like in e photos...i wasnt there much....even though i worked on the publicity for the camp...i still feel so detached. Like i wasnt in the main com at all. In fact, even while i was there, i felt pretty alienated. It seems the progs ppl seem to be the ones who were useful and stuff...Dreaded the pre-camp especially. Ah well. At least the others had fun and the camp was relatively a success so in that sense, i feel happy that my job was done.

I feel down. Perk me up. Please.

Bleaurgh. Happy thoughts happy thoughts!!! Ok, feel better now.

pour moi??

A call from France!! For me?

Yeah! My gosh, i thought kenneth was joking when he said he's calling from France....he did mention where but i kinda forgot! Heh. Apparently, he was waiting for his train to Paris where he's heaing to Marseiile after so he had time to kill hence he decided to call me cos he misses me!! So sweeeeeeeeeeeeet! Nobody's ever called me from a different continent and spoken to me for more than 10 mins! Ok, other than my Aunt but still! Whoa!!! :)

Another reason why i believe that i have wonderful friends in this world!!

Anyway, he told me that he met up with some of the students from NUS who went for the immersion..and he said that they've gotten significantly better...they even went on to study the grammar we'll learn next sem. GREAT. Just great. I know nuts. I gotta start refreshing my brain...and SOON.

Ah well, till then, let me slob...and heal my back....speaking of which, i can walk! Though i hardly think i can survive walking/sitting for long durations....HEAL BACK...HEAL!!!!

Feel so loved..

Thanks guys. Thank you so much for all the concern. Smses that have been pouring in asking me how i am. Not to mention the tags too. Thank you.....Im okay..I"ll live!

And, Im GETTING BETTER!!!!!!!!

I pretty sure i"ll be okay in another 2 to 3 days time. Medicated plaster im using is really helpful. Like millions of tiny ppl massaging me all the time..ahh..

Well, the docs said (haha, my sis and bro lah...i mean i"ll never have to see a doctor again in my life! so cool. and convenient. and FREE consultation.hehehe.) its either a muscle sprain or slip disc which is now ruled out. So yea, its a muscle sprain. My personal physiotherapist (farhana, even tho she's still a student) said that my back muscles are weak and are in shock. Massaging might aggravate it especially if the person doing know nuts so i better not massage it. She also said medicated plasters may provide temporary pain relief. So like what my docs said, I just need to rest it out. Might take days or even weeks to completely recover.

And yes cheryl, i might have to learn yoga and pilates soon. Farhana recommended it to me. Said at my age, i still have time to strengthen it....otherwise, when im older, i might end up with chronic back pain. So any idea where i can sign up? or can you be my personal yogi? :)

Immobile

I cant move. Much. I cant sit up, i cant walk fast, i cant sway my hips(why would i in the first place..but STILL), i am pretty much movement-challenged.

Ah yes, the back ache. Back sprain. Whatever. It just hurts like hell. It was hurting real bad on Tuesday night. Couldnt even walk. This shooting pain at the end of my spine each time i took a tiny step. Ended up walking like a penguin. Like grandma(oh how i empathise with you nenek, i really do).

Was convinced by everyone to go home. So i gave in. The campers were getting worried about me and my senior June said its no use if i stayed...so i went home...brother fetched me. I was kinda crushed...i was only getting to know my freshies better!!! I wanted to go Sentosa for the amazing race....but i had to listen to my body (among others)

Its been days and it still hurts. At least i can walk a little bit more......i remembered i cried in the loo cos i couldnt undress. It was so painful. So painful.

Was so touched today. My OG called me up and put me on speaker phone....and they told me the news...THEY WON!! Power smurfs (they came up with the name. Dont ask.) won first place! I thought they were pretty bleah but they did it in the end!!!!! I guess it was a good thing i left....then they couldnt keep depending on me....and the other perm facis daphne and kai jun and cheryl nott and parvin.

Anyway, cheryl nott told me that they dedicated a song to me during the finale night. Wow. Touched. In fact, when i was on speaker phone, they sang to me!!!!! So nice! There i was, lying down in bed, listening to them. I was so moved!!! And they all went "we love/miss you farah"...gosh.....[beams happily] Thank you elda, diana, kelvyn, hafiza, qi jun, kitty, michelle, elaine!

So what now? no idea. on my bed as i type this. Thank goodness i have wireless!

Off to camp...

Please let me be ra-ra before the camp starts full swing. Im like so out of sync with camps and cheers and ya ya stuff like that......im kinda dreading the late nights, sleep deprivation and hoarse throat that would leave my voice all husky and artificially sexy. Haha.

Not to mention the packing. I hate packing! I just packed and unpacked and now pack again only to unpack later? Plus i have to pay 30 bucks for that?

Oh well. This is just the inertia talking. Im sure i"ll have a blast once i get the Rah back into the Fa. Yeah.

Gargh. Just got word that im a perm faci(permanent facilitator). PERM???? there goes my efforts to skive. Sigh. Okay..i can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

Just breathe and put on a big smile.

And bring strepsils. Lots of em.

Gimme a blah...BLAH! Gimme a Blah Blah....BLAH BLAH! Gimme a blah blah blah.....BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!

Will be back on thurs!

Im off!

MSN version 7.0

Okay, i just and finally downloaded the newer version. I couldnt be bothered to previously cos i thought that with my home internet connection, it'd take ages but heh, it took me less than 3 mins. So yea! I love that nudge thing!!!!! So cool. And irritating...which is why i like it!!!!

Speaking of nudge, i miss him. Is it wrong to say it out loud to the world? What am i afraid of? That others would roll their eyes like i once did to them? Perhaps. Yes, I MISS HIM. I miss my Nudgieeeeeeeeeeee.There. Felt better? Nope. He's still not here is he?

Boo.

Okay, now im rolling my own eyes at myself. For goodness sake, you have a life farah! Sheesh. OK ok ok...

Kinda glad he isnt here actually. Have a lot of Swaps things to do so if he's around, i"ll find excuses to hang out with him instead of doing my work....things like calling up a whole lot of ppl and putting on this ultra saccharine voice asking if they're still interested in the camp next week. Shudders. I did that. And i did that only cos i had nothing else to do.

Wait a sec, i actually have a lot of things to do before oh-my-god-school's-opening again...

1) Revise my french cos its basically non-existent in my left hemisphere of the brain. Gosh, is that where language is at? I dont even know. My brain's all rusty. I never did enjoy cognitive psych to begin with. How i manage to scrape thru it is a miracle.
2) RUN. cos i havent ran since that one day wonder of 3.6km.
3) Read. Like finish the LOTR book.
4) er.....clean up the aftermath of the exams...ie: my room is still in a mess, particularly with that pile of papers on the shelf with all my tutorials and lect notes....do i keep em or burn em?
5) Buy more clothes before term starts?
6) Focus. Prepare myself to be a full time mugger. Like really. Really really. Like nothing else matters. Except my books. My modules. Okay, ok, besides my other life-ly commitments like family and blah blah.....and now that my CCA might be how-do-i-put-it-nicely....going kaput, i will be CCA-less. Hahahha....wheee. Then my only other commitment is my ECA. Thats only on weekends once he enlists. SO yea, i have no excuse not to perform better this coming semester. In fact, look at me now! Im all psyched up for school!

Right. Now i gotta pick my modules really wisely. And do you think a 3-day work week is recommendable? Ive always had mondays off. I was thinking of getting Fridays off as well. That would be so cool. But then again, imagine common tests.....yikes. Back to back? No way. Lesson i learnt from last semester, i do not have long attention spans. My attention span could possibly equal primary school kids.

Speaking of which, ahhhh, yes, tuition. My source of income. Now, that would be on Saturdays. But i reckon my ECA i/c would understand. I do want my own cash flow. Gosh, i hope they keep employing me forever. Tution is the most lucrative career any undergrad could have. Now how many times have i said that?

Meeting up with Pema later for a catch-up. Havent met her in ages!

Au revoir~ (the only decent french thing i can say now. Ashamed, I am)

I'm back!!

Okay, ive been back for quite some time now but ive been very hesitant to blog.....to get back to reality.... you know the feeling that you just dont wanna snap out of it? but i guess its time...

I had a wonderful time in Egypt. So memorable. Took a whole lot of pics! Thank goodness for my 1GB SD card which i borrowed from my brother. Took over 500 pics. Man, everything abt Egypt is nice.

Took my first airplane flight of my life. First time in the parts of changi airport only accessible to those flying/arriving.....whoa. I like flying.

Anyhow, i really honestly wanna start typing about my wonderful experiences in Egypt but man, once i start, i honestly dont know if i"ll be able to stop.

Egypt is nice. Lovely, Beautiful ppl...especially in Cairo and Alexandria. And believe me, this Muslim country is liberal. Really. The ppl there really know how to dress up. And they're so gorgeous. Man, i was at Cairo Mall on the last night before flying home and i was like "WHY???? Why cant singapore have oh so yummy looking ppl like these?"

Okay, back to reality. groans.

But really, egypt is nice. Its only hot and dry in the South but once you head north, its actually cooler than Singapore!

And yes, i went into the second pyramid. And yes, i saw the mummies. And yeah, i rode a camel! In fact, i tried almost every form of transportation while i was there. Rode a horse carriage, a bus, a taxi, was a pedestrian (very scary experience. traffic is a killer but strangely, the drivers are very polite to pedestrains!), a motorboat, a felucca, a camel, a cruise ship along the river nile, a train frm aswan to cairo and finally, FINALLY, an airplane!

And yeah, heh, we could pass off as locals. Until me and my mom opened our mouths to speak. My bro could speak Arabic so they thought he was egyptian. Which was why our experience in Cairo mall was great..cos we blended in and were not treated like tourists.

Anyway, blogging from Yunxian's house. Yx is flirting over the telephone in a bid to get guys down for our swaps camp. Gross. She can really really flirt. Yes, you can.

Bon voyage!!!

Egypt, here i come!

This will be my last post till I get back home. I reckon I wont blog from over there! Gonna resort to the plain old simple way. A travel diary. :)

Ooh, yes, I will be back on the 18th I think. Im still kinda not sure. 18th or 19th. Either way, I'll be back!!!!!

Alright everyone!!!

Im outta here!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

My bags ARENT packed......

I am a horrible packer.
I cannot pack for nuts.
I am getting stressed because I have never EVER been away from home for so long, let alone on another continent!

Blimey, my first airplane trip!

I wanna bring my whole room!!!

Haiya, im just looking at the mess i made....luggage thrown open, filled to the brim..i think im bringing too many t-shirts! but i cant help it!! And dont get me started on the undergarments. i have ceremoniously left them out...for now. It will just make me feel worse....

Gargh.

Its just packing......its just packing......breathe farah breathe (would love to but too bad my sinuses are clogged up with mucus...*sniffs*).......okay...i can do this...

Still got a couple of errands to run before i leave fri morning at ard 5 plus AM. (gosh.)

1)Collect new pair of contacts (eyesight's deteriorating at an astounding pace)
2) Get a SD card for my digital camera
3) Consider activating my roaming (i mean, how am i to contact someone for help if i get kidnapped and shipped off to Sudan?)
4)Change some of my Sing dollars to US dollars because most money changers here do not carry the Egyptian pound and most money changers over there do not recognise our Sing dollars. So mah fun. (how do ya spell it?)
5) Pack my bags....yes, pack em up!

Okay, busy busy busy.....

[i hope sanitation there's good]

Mushhhhh

Ok ok ok ok ok.

I, Farah, can be a mushy person. when i want to, that is.
In fact it grosses me (and some of my friends) out to think i can but on the other hand, im relieved to know that i can. so im normal. whatever normal is.

BUT i still roll my eyes at all the excessively lovey-dovey ppl (on escalators,elevators,buses, and all the incredibly unromantic places where they -can you believe it- twine...heh, but its good that they do that on crowded Mrts. Save space. Sheesh. GET A ROOM PEOPLE!) and make snide comments.

Back to me. Mushy. Ive become an emotional mushball lately. Okay. Thats all i can bring myself to type.
Like what someone said...im contradictory. I am an emotional person yet i cant stand people showing their emotions....to which i retorted (i think) "it should be private, mah"

Then again, could it be that im just hypocritical?

Anyways, I just drew up my list of things to pack for Egypt. I have no idea how im gonna squeeze things in my luggage. My main worry however, is to find that i have not packed enough undergarments. Man. Can you imagine recycling? Gross. Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeks.

Sore throat...boo.

Gargh. I dont wanna be sick. I cannot afford to!! Im gonna be flying off in a week!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im gonna binge myself on strepsils. (someone, please remind me about the laxative effects of an overdose of sweets...yes, it happened to me before)

So the results were yesterday...one word: ALHAMDULILLAH!!!!!!

God really loves me :) Yay.
Im so so grateful. And happy. And satisfied.
Considering everything I went through over the last semester, I am contented. I think I did my best and yeah...im just happy. Its okay that I did worse off than last sem but hey, there's always another few sems to catch up. Must work harder from now on...

And to my dear friends out there. I hope you guys are happy with your results. And if its okay with you, i'd rather not discuss with you my grades or anything....Please respect my wishes okie? I just wanna be happy.
Thank you so much!!!!

Whee~

First

On mon, i had the best run in two years..make that the best run of my life actually! Went further than expected. I mean i pushed myself.....im amazed what mind over body actually means now. Heh, I jogged 3.6 Km non stop! And i hadnt ran in two weeks! 3.6 Km! this is Farah youre talking about! thats a mean feat for her man! Applause please!!! I guess this may be a one off wonder...maybe had the energy after all that slobbing around! At least i dont feel so wasted anymore! Yay!

Went to science center yesterday! havent been there in ages! The place is kinda different when you come at your own leisure and not with a class on some school excursion!

Watched Madagascar after that. What a let down. Plot could have been developed but heck, its a kid's show. Still, i had my fair share of laughter. Wouldnt have enjoyed the show much without the company i had. :p

Ahhh....whee~

you make me feel whee-ish~

Hello, anybody there?

Think Farah Think.

Do you really wanna end up being the slob that you almost are? You can stop this evil transformation!

My dear friends! Help me please! I am bored. Take me away from my bed!!!! I am getting bed sores from just lying there and staring at the ceiling! Heeeeeeeeeeeeelp......
If you do not drag me from here, the next time you come to my house, you will not recognise me......for i will have transformed....into........a pillow.
Hmm. Maybe all pillows were humans once...but they slobbed around all day that they began to look like the very thing next to them.

Gargh.....TAKE ME OUT!!!

Babes, dudes! Where are you?

Sobs.

Im so bored, thats why.

The Classic Star Wars Test

Farah, you're Obi-Wan Kenobi

"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine." Truly the words of a confident teacher, you and "old Ben" share the calm wisdom of someone who's seen it all. You are probably the type of person who enjoys giving back to the community, whether by organizing the annual block party or volunteering time to help others.You know you're not perfect and that's why being a mentor is so fulfilling. You can teach others about the mistakes that you made. Like Obi-Wan, you are an excellent judge of character — often recognizing aspects of yourself in others. You know how to teach life lessons without being preachy, and while you may not quite have the Jedi mind trick figured out, your honest conviction can be very persuasive.

Hmm...interesting. I thought i'd be a wookie. Hoeugh~

Blues

I am a selfish person.
I want things my way or i get pissed.
I am not understanding. I try to. But face it, im not.
I rationalise whenever i can but i still feel sore later.
I get upset and i upset people when i do.
I dont like to be hurt and dissapointed...cos i get sad..and angry...but mostly sad...and angry....and then guilty for feeling angry..then i feel sad again.

Im too soft for my own good.

Im too emotional.

Im too sensitive.

I need to grow up.

A great review

On msn now with Nirwan, who's explaining to me "The clone wars" some cartoon tie up to ep3...i finally geddit! Now i know why that general grievous guy kept wheezing in the movie. Watched it last Sat. Read Nirwan's blog for a summary of the show.

An excerpt:
"Dialogue seems to have improved generally. Gotta love the cryptic warnings of that green little Yoda, hehe. Jar Jar Binks has *finally* been moved into total obscurity and the Chancellor is simply awesome; hearing him work his insidious ways is simply chilling. There are still a couple of pretty idiotic lines, one of which appear in the conversation between Padme and Anakin. Once you hear it, you'll be like "groooooooooaaaannnn".

Still, it's a pretty damn good movie and Lucas managed to redeem himself for the bleh efforts of 1 and 2. Star Wars is ultimately about the rise and fall of Anakin Skywalker and Hayden Christiansen definitely managed to show the inner turmoil that exists within his character. The last scene is pretty touching and shows us the spark of humanity that Luke will eventually appeal to in order for Anakin to redeem himself."


I think he did a great review (honestly, dude, you write well, go be a journalist!!! or better still, a flick reviewer!)...and i think Palpitine (affectinately known as Palpy) is one heckuva genius villain. Ok, really, do read his blog...there's some link thingy that you can choose not to open in the event you havent watched the show...spoilers so to speak. I mean NIrwan really did a prac crit (Practical Criticism to the non lit students) of ep3! Applause, please!

Star wars fever aside (i was informed yesterday that somewhere in town, there were M&Ms dressed as characters yest...if only i were there. Id give the M&Ms big hugs! ), [darn, i lost my train of thought. Bah. Shall blog next time.]

Blast from the past...

Met up with kartini,aisyah,widya and shikin today. It was really really nice to see them after so long!Whoa...havent seen some one of them after the Os.

Of course there was the inertia..i mean, gosh, i was worried that i might be dead bored. After all, the meeting i had with certain peeps frm sec school (my class no less!) last monday wasnt exactly exciting.

But today was different!

It was really nice....fun. I enjoyed myself...we're gonna meet again in july. 9th July babes! Dont forget! :) Ive missed you guys so much..

Beautiful day!

Its so nice and sunny outside!!!!!!!

If only everyday could be as sunny and windy as this....and the mornings and nights, nice and cool.

:)

Bumming at home. Listening to the radio....
Okay, partially bumming cos trying to settle some Swaps publicity for the upcoming freshmen orientation camp. yes, cannot escape responsibilities can i? haha. But im not gonna blog much about work la and im not complaining cos quite frankly, im glad i have at least something to do over the hols.

Supposed to have dinner with Pema today. Her birthday's coming up and we were supposed to meet and exchange our presents. (my long overdue cap!) but we've rescheduled it to sat cos we"ll both be in school for the arts open house. Im pretty glad actually. Cos my entire body is aching!!!!

So that makes 2 wednesdays in a row that ive stayed home! Maybe, i should declare wednesdays "Slacker Day".

Heard results are coming out soon. Gargh. But, cannot escape the inevitable la. And no matter how bad it is, know what? Its life baby. I"ll accept it and i"ll work harder. I mean, look around...other people have bigger problems to worry about. ok, so im consoling myself.....but its true!

Okay, shall resume stoning/bumming now.

Ouchhhhhh......

I am pre-empting how my body would feel in 24hrs. I would probably find myself completely immobile when i wake up tomorrow. In fact, I can already feel the aches building up on my arms, shoulders and yes, the right butt cheek. You guessed it, I just played badminton.

It was a fun game. I mean I trashed the dude i was playing with. Even though i was cramming at some points and feeling immensely uncomfortable (oh, life as a girl) and I even thrashed him with my left hand! Haha..najib,najib, najib, you suck lor. Hahhahahahahahha....man, if only i had stamina, then i can really really beat you, with a smile.

Went for a ride ard tampines on a yellow van that claims o be a car. I mean really. -_-. But it was an experience..hahahahhaha....a millenium falcon? Hahahahhahaha.

And yes, tiger ali singh, nice name. :)

Watched Dogville yesterday. Nicole Kidman is a fantastic actress. Real brilliant performance. Show was draining. Really was. Kinda reminded me of watching Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf. You just feel spent at the end of the show.

Bumped into tonnes of ppl in town yesterday. Why is it that whenever you dont want to be seen by people you know, you end up seeing them nonetheless?

I think i look awful in yellow.

Im on my diet......yet again. Yes, i farah, am gonna try to resume my anti fast food stand. hey, i was successful for 3 months okay? I remember after watching Supersize me with Ave and Nirwan last year, i was so appalled, that i stayed away from the lard side.

Star wars episode 3's finally out. Cannot wait to watch it...anyone out there has the Attack of the clones vcd/dvd? can i borrow? Need to refresh memory.

Dry

Gargh.

The mother of the kids I tutor has just informed me that I am to resume tuition the week before school reopens. Great. What does that imply? I"ll be BROKE for one whole month! Dry, penny-less, pockets emptied out. Okay, so i exaggerate. I mean i still get my allowances and all but nothing beats earning the money i have. It gives me justification for indulging myself whenever I leave home and come back with bags of clothes and stuff. Now i'd probably feel guilty.

Ah well, perhaps I shall learn to be thrift once again. Yes, thrift. A word ive forgotten for quite some time now.

Besides, its only for a month. I can survive. I mean im not that high maintanence, right?

Right.

Besides, i shall take this to be a vacation not only from school but from work too.

Had a splendid dream today. I didnt need to repeat any modules. And i got what i wanted. I woke up at 6am feeling great before realising that it was only a dream.

Then i went back to sleep.

Then i had another more realistic dream. I had to repeat those modules. Well, the lecturer told me he wasnt sure but he said 4 ppl needed to repeat it and it might include me. Then i woke up and was GLAD it was only a dream.

The inner turmoils of Farah. Oh, i need divine intervention.

PLease pray for me.

:)

Wow.

I spent the whole day out of my house yesterday.

Went for breakfast at macs in the morn, went to clementi to settle some SASW thingy....then brought a friend ard NUS campus....then went to jurong point and loitered and then watched House of Wax (damn lousy..but im such a coward..kept grabbing my friend's arm...sorry NH. But that will be THE LAST TIME i watch a "scary" movie.)....then went bowling at marina sq...then went to the terrace place thingy at the esplanade...wow...the view is kinda nice! I'd never been there before.

Yeah....fun fun fun.

Nice.
Thanks dude.

Skins

Yikes, im going crazy!!

I cant seem to find THE blogskin for me! I reckon i need a change of blogskin..need something a bit more refreshing..what do you think?

PS: If you guys come across a skin that screams "Farah", do tell okie? Thanks!

Mothers' Day

Yeah, so last sunday, finally, all six of us managed to come together to celebrate mom's day. I must say, that was the most memorable mothers day ever.

I mean, when was the last time the 6 of us went shopping together? Okay, it wasnt exactly shopping but we were wondering ard bugis together while waiting for our reservation at this malay restaurant at jalan Sultan. It was strange cos if im not mistaken, we havent hung out together(besides over lunch,dinner or hari raya) in like a long long long time.

Anyway, dinner was great. There were like performances and stuff..and since it was mom's day, they pulled my mom up on stage! So so funny! It was some contest on how to wear the kain samping..so the two moms had to compete and then model in front of the whole restaurant. Man, it was sooooo entertaining! My mom rocks! She totally sashayed her way! Hahah and boy, i never knew she was so competitive! Since the winner would be given to the contestant with the loudest cheer, i screamed my lungs out! But cheh, in the end, both moms got the same prize. No fair.

anyhoo, gave my mom a watch...all of us shared..she seemed pleased.

Moving on....

Okay, EYEBAGS. HOW DO YOU GET RID OF EYE BAGS?
i dont geddit. my exams are over. ive been sleeping more....and yet my eyebags are worse than during the exam period! Why??? Not to mention dark rings. GARGH.

Kingdom of Heaven

A MUST watch.

One of the best shows i have watched recently. In fact, i do agree that it is one of Ridley scott's best movies. Tactfully delivered indeed considering what could have happened if Scott did not craftfully avoided using religion as the sole motivation of the Crusades. He surfaced the underlying reasons behind any war :

Power, greed: Politics.

As i entered the cinema, I was a tad worried that somehow, just somehow, i might be witnessing 2 hrs of battles between Islam and Christianity. And i shuddered thinking that "shucks, this is hollywood, they always portray Muslims as well, terrorists, bad ppl...the last thing we need at a time like this is another one of those movies"

So filled with scepticism(how do you spell it?), i cringed and silently prayed that the reviews i had read in the papers was right...that Scott didnt have that Muslims VS christian thingy.....
True enough, as the show went on, i began to really enjoy myself.
The show had nothing to do with religion at all.
The show was well, beautiful.

Beautiful because it showed that both christians and muslims do not want war. That it is the means end outcome.....
There was a speech that Orlando Bloom gave somewhere in the show that really moved me......that the fight for Jerusalaam was well, unfounded, cos in essence, nobody has the right to claim the place as their own and stuff ....and that the they had to fight only to protect themselves.

I am so grateful that the Muslims were well and fairly depicted. Not fanatical turban wearing ppl carrying AK47s (fine, so the time period gave no leeway for AK47s..but you get the pic). At least they were depicted as fair, calm...and honourable.

The idea behind a kingdom where Muslims, Christians and Jews can coexist again was so beautiful...a kingdom of heaven indeed.

I strongly urge everyone to watch this show. I was truly moved. I found tears in my eyes a couple of times during the fight scenes.....its unexplainable...i just found myself thinking that this is a parody of what is happening today...and i felt sad...that even a thousand of yrs later ppl are still fighting under the pretences of religion. that ppl are fighting abt something that happened before they were even born.

War. What a dreadful thing. I told my friend after the show...that the palestianian, israelis, Bush, Taleban, fanatical muslims and christians should watch this show.

As i left the cinema heavy hearted (the show ended peacefully...but with a slide which states that even today, the situation persists), I wondered, was everyone else who watched the movie as equally moved as i was? Were they now more educated than before? Or are they still ignorant and simply enjoy watching it for entertainments sake?

I honestly and sincerely pray that it is the former.

Snip

So i finally chopped em off. No, no, do not be alarmed. I havent completely gone bonkers and cut my hair real short or anything.....Ive just finally given it a good trim...a badly needed one at that. I hadnt been to the hair salon since last July thereabouts.

Ahh, refreshing! At least my head's not so heavy anymore...but you know whats the most irritating bit? My brother couldnt tell. He was like "Farah, you got cheated...it looks the same"
i TRIMMED IT. Grr. But he could have said it looks a bit different at least!!! Its Not COMPLETELY the same! GRRRR.

And did he notice it changed color? NO. Grrrr.

Then again, who cares about my brother? (although hearing him say i wasted my money just drove me nuts...i didnt pay $78 for nothing...thank god he doesnt know how much it cost me or he would have made me feel worse...as if its his money to begin with -_-)

Ah well. At least i feel good that i dont need to tie my hair everytime i go out anymore.

So if you see me in the days to come, say smt nice about my hair or just dont say anything will ya? Thanks.

Losing touch

Am i?

I think i am. I think im drifiting away from Allah. As in why dont i feel as close to him as i did before? I really want it to be like it used to....or has my faith always been like this but ive only realised this now?

Could it be that i have very few Muslim friends in NUS to remind me to not step away too far?

Could it be because i find myself being able to freely talk about religion to anyone? And that i find so many things similar across the various faiths? Am i betratying my religion by agreeing to some stuff from other religions that in my opinion sorta overlap with mine?

My friend Karina asked me today why im not involved in MS...so it got me thinking a bit...How come i dont wanna be ard the NUS muslim soc ppl? Is it cos they all speak malay and all the girls are all clique-ish and well, wear the tudung and stuff? I dont know really.

Haiya, whatever la. As long as my faith remains within my heart and soul, im fine. I just need to be reminded once in a while....once in a while.

Insya-allah.

By the way, its 05-05-05 to day! So cool!!!!

Bored

Okay, i came up with like things to do during this vacation..in no particular order:

1) Learn golf from my dad
2) Learn the drums from my dad or from anyone who wants to teach me!!
3) Study my french and master it
4) Learn a bit of Arabic
5) Read all the books ive always wanted to read but had no time during the semester..Anyone has the LOTR book? Can i borrow pls???
6) Watch all the dvds ive missed out on
7) Attempt to read stuff about Islam.
8) Sing? hahha.
9)PLan for SWAPS FOC

Okay, i cant think of other stuff to do. Im too darn lazy to go out of the house. Ah well..

And sigh, i read in the papers about the bomblast near a museum in Cairo. Those bleeping suicide bombers are attacking tourists. I mean, REALLY? Im so pissed la. CAN I PLEASE ENJOY MY TRIP???? I mean really? DO you think Allah condones such acts? Killing ppl like that? What's your problem? Grr.

I really want world peace. How i want the world to be a better place. I remember crying after i read some stuff in my sociology text....and in my social psych about prejudice, religion and stuff like that.

Ah me, im such a crybaby.

okay peeps, if youre bored, you know how to reach me!

And oh, anyone wants to be my badminton kaki? I mean i cant play alone can i? Im waiting for ade to come back la.

Bah, i need to exercise!

Let the bumming begin....

oh yeah....im all ready to bum bum bum!
(incidently, this would be the start of really boring blog entries documenting my rather mundane and uneventful life...for now that is....until i get to EGYPT..ah yes, the land of the pharoahs)

Watched episodes of charmed..the upcoming season that is..some friend of my sis got it online.

Went out shopping today. Burnt like $50+ just like that! My gosh. I should restrain myself. i mean really! If each time i step out of the hse and burn money like that, id be broke.

O yeah, got a really cool qoute to share....saw it from some movie mag...its a spin on what yoda said in episode 1:

"Insecurites lead to fear, fear leads to eating and eating leads to the LARD side". Man, that is so funny.

Watched smallville. Oh, WHY? why cant NUS have gorgeous looking ppl like Clark? Or nice broody bad boyish types like Lex luther whos oh- so- hot?(and rich and gorgeous) Boo. Im dissapointed!! I want a gorgeously yummy and brainy guy to play with. Okay, not play as in PLAY but play as in play. Nice play. Okay, i so do not make sense.

so dont mind me if i pout in a corner.

[pout]

Oh, did this quiz thingy from kim's blog...Its called "Whats your seduction style"

"The Charmer"
You're a master at intimate conversation and verbal enticement.You seduce with words, by getting people to open up to you.By establishing this deep connection quickly, people feel under your power.And then you've got them exactly where you want them!


Righttttt.......so if thats so true, where are all the smitten-by-my-words guys huh? HUH?

[returns to corner to pout]

Year One Sem 2, adious!

Its over alright. My gosh, what a semester. I dont know where to begin recaping. It just felt like one whole year has gone by even though its only been 4 months.

Ended well, with a splat. Stats. ah well, its over.

Life. Breathe. Live.

My left eyeball hurts. This stabbing feeling..aowww. I think my brain's retaliating or something..seeking revenge for the information overload over the past few days. Stop it brain! Desist! Desist! It wasnt the eyeball's fault!

Watched the OC just know. Finally, guilt free Tv.

OKay, cant take it, my eyeball really hurts.

Im outta here!

Day of reckoning

In exactly 4 and half hours time, i will be sitting for THAT paper.

Funny how my brain feels like mush. My brain and body's protesting, begging me to stop this absurd mad rush to read every single chapter...but i will not desist. you hear me brain? I will not. You hear me you weak body? You are soooo gonna read and understand those remaining chapters. Then you can have your 3 months holiday. So shut up.

Like one the epilogues in my textbook said "semantic organisation is of vital importance. Otherwise, imagine that all the things youve studied for are written on cards.....and these cards are not linked, not categorised. What would you get? A big pile. A mess" Okay, so i paraphrased. But thats the gist of it. But frankly, Mr Reed, frankly, its better to have a big messy pile than NO PILE AT ALL.

So there.

God help me.

...

Burnt. Toast. Screwed. Alamak. Dammit. Crap la.

Its official. Bye bye CAP. Bye bye.

Congratulations farah. You really did it this time. Beyond hope already. Was looking at past year's social psych and cognitive papers.

DIE LAH. I HAVENT EVEN STUDIED COGNITIVE LAH.

Ashamed of myself. So so ashamed.

Boo.

[flings self out the window]

ouch.

im alive. dont worry. Not suicidal. At all. Im looking forward to shopping too much to throw my life away OVER A PIECE OF PAPER.

crying wont help. screaming into a pillow wont either. Abusing ppl wont either.

So, in sum, i shall just suck it up, read my lect notes, and walk into the examination hall with my head high. At least, if the paper's a killer, i'd die knowing that at least, at the very least, i read the damned lecture notes before hand.

argh.

Fat Friday

Feeling so fat. Fat fat fat fat fat.

So hot.

Just showered.

Just came home from school. Wow, i miss coming home from school early. Feels like secondary school again!

Had soci paper today. Okay lah, i think i gave it my best shot. So for that, im happy.

Got back my social psych presentation marks. Not entirely thrilled about it but, given the circumstances, (it was done the day before if you remembered), then im happy lah.

Okay, thanks to my friend, i realised that i officially have 3 more papers to go.

Wohoooooo! In exactly one weeks' time, I would be out with my sister shopping!!!!!!

{squirm} (only justina would know what i mean! hehe.)

Righto, for now, back to mugging!

Tick tock tick tock

No, its not the clock stuck in that crocodile that ate captain cook up.

Yikes. Im running out of time. Im not studying in school today. School's getting too packed and scary.

Argh, fell asleep. And its like MID AFTERNOON!

Must keep awake. No time to waste. No time at all!

Suffer one more week...then can enjoy 3 months break. What a bargain.

And i came up with fantastic quote yesterday evening while having one of my nervous/ anxiety /panic attacks:

"When stressed, remember two things: God and the power of moderation".

home!!

yeah! My sister came back yesterday morning from her Greek vacation. Spent the whole day catching up with her. Yes, so i only finished one chapter of studying...but still....i couldnt help it! Am so so happy cos she brought back tonnes of stuff! Mostly so cos she bought for me a cool lime green Zara top, earrings, necklace....ah...puts me in a shopping mode. Man, the top is niceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....BUT, i"ll prob never wear it unless im either driving or am driven to my destination. Its quite low cut lar. I mean, i cant imagine wearing it on the bus and letting ci-ko-peks stare down my chest. Eeeek.

Cant wait for exams to end...then can finally shop with my sis. Oh, but must lose the weight ive gained thus far thanks to all the munching of rubbish tidbits and chocs....do you know how thoroughly depressing it is to not be able to fit in something you thought you could fit into and then you realise in the changing room that "dammit.....argh". and then you leave the fitting room feeling like a cow.

Anyhow, woohoo, 11 more days to FREEEEDOOOOM!!!!!

Finally, cog is making sense to me. So is stats!

Enlightenment? I hope so!

okie peeps....you should be mugging and not blog surfing...SO BACK TO WORK!

The prayer

Dear God,

Its me again. Well, its that time of the year when i come crawling to you for yet another one of Your miracles. You've helped me a lot through these years....and i profusely thank you for that.
In fact, sometimes i wonder if i deserve what i have...but i am so grateful to You nonetheless. Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah.

Allah, please give me the strength and courage to go on studying. Please help me make my family (oh how i love them so much that no words can describe) proud of me.
Allah, i know i used to dream of getting first class honours...to make it to the dean's list...etc etc etc...how foolish of me....All i want now, is to be satisfied....to be happy....contented.

I know i havent been a very good muslim. Im ashamed of that fact. I really am. But i try my best. Sigh.

So my exams are coming up. Help me please?

Bukakan hatiku kepada ilmu pengetahuan. Terangkan hatiku. Tenangkan fikiranku.

And allah, one last request, let it be, such that when i get my results back, i will not forget about You. No matter what it is, that i will not forget that everything good or bad comes from You. And that everything happens for a reason.....

Amin.

Im just like that. Must i explain myself?

Yeah, i suppose i would have to. So here it goes.....

Ive just realised something. I think that only my sec school and jc friends truly know what im like when im in my study serious mode.

It was in a lect....sitting with a few uni friends....and then i was focusing...in the zone...concentrating...and im sure those of you who know me would be familiar with my facial expression when im concentrating.......

So urgh. I just disliked how my friends asked me "are you okay? you seem stressed..relax...bla bla bla". My gosh. Since when must i explain and justify my facial expression? Man, i know you guys mean well but really!!

so let me make this clear: I AM PERFECTLY FINE, thanks for asking.

and i really am very very grateful for your concern, i really am. Its just that you know, sometimes i think that 'stress' can be imposed....do i make sense? As in you know, when im all well and feeling okay...and a whole group of ppl asks me "are you ok?" ....its a bit bizarre right? How am i suppose to react?

But really, thank you very much. It means a lot to me. Really.

Okay, glad i cleared things up.

PS: to ppl whom i have unconsciously offended and who i know i will be unconsciously offending in the days to come, my apologies for my hostility, abruptness etc etc etc...

Thanks for understanding once again.

Regards,
farah

state of mind

I will not panic.

I WILL not panic.

I Will NOT panic.

I will not PANIC.

I WILL NOT panic.

I WILL NOT PANIC.

PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[farah runs around hysterically and slams head into wall]

Ouch.

I will not panic.

I WILL NOT PANIC.

[omg omg omg!! NINE DAYS LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH]

I will not panic.

Phew. okay. Im fine now. Had panic attack yest. In fact i think theres like an internal panic alarm....sets off every evening at ard 5pm.

So i have 9 days left...[NINE DAYS YES].....ah well......i guess i"ll have to study smart.

CAN DO. Can do........

CAN LAR.......

right?

er...

Okay okay.....CAN...now get back to work.

Perseverer!!

Je ne sais pas pourquoi je ne peux pas utilise les accents!! Ah bien, je ecrite mon blog sans accents! Mais attention farah, pour ton test demain, n'oublie pas de accents!!!!

Oui, parce que j'ai un test (la derniere fois pour cette sem) demain, je dois ecrire et penser en francais.

Reellement, je suis a la fac maintenent. J'ai allee ici en voiture. Mon pere me conduire parce que aujourd'hui, c'est results de ma souer. En fait, il y a 5 heures, j'ai pris sa results parce qu'elle est en train de vacance au Grec. J'etais tres effrayer.....et quand l'heure est arrive, et la porte a ouvrie, mes parents sont entre......et je ne voulais pas entre cette salle.....beaucoup de gens...alors, j'ai attendu exterieur. Apres, j'ai cherche sa nom sur la tableu...C'est vrai!! Ma souer recue a!!!!! Ma mere etait tres hereuse!! Elle a pleure un peu, mais la larme de heuresement!!! Mon pere tres hereux aussi. Et moi, je ne pourrai pas attendre elle retourner a singapour. Bien sur, je attends man present!!!

Et, oui, je suis tres tres tres tres tres fierere de ma souer. Pourquoi? Parce qu'elle a etudie bien!! Aujourd'hui, elle est le medicin!!

Alhamdulillah!

Alors, apres cette evenement du matin, je dois travaille serieusement.....je dois etudier si mes parents seront me fierere. Oui, j'ai deux semain mais je connais, si je commence aujourd'hui et si je suis priere, insya-allah, j'aurai succes.

Amin.

[PS: yes, i wrote this in french myself..which is why it sucks. argh. well, at least i could write a post in french! hahahahha]

Stalked!

I just got home but Im still so so shaken!!

My goodness...I thought it'd never happen in my neigbourhood but urgh. At least thank God, Im fine!!

So i alighted the bus.. buble in my ear..minding my own business as i walk the stretch from the bus stop to my house...then i heard shuffles....i turned, it was this guy, who looked like some teacher or smt..so anyway, he was gaining on me...but i couldnt be bothered. I thought that he was probably rushing back home and i was in his way or smt...so i moved slower to let him pass.....

Then when he got ahead of me, he slowed down as if to walk beside me...i think he smiled or smt but i looked away...the last time i smiled at a stranger in school, i had to endure being harassed..long story.Besides, i was tired.......and had this weird feeling...
so i uttered a silent prayer to myself.. i prayed that whatever the guy's intentions are, protect me from harm...so that i may reach home safely....

then it happened! My suspicions were confirmed! He was following me! He thought i would go down this little flight of stairs leading to my block..he kept glancing back..so i walked on and pretended i was heading to other blocks...then he did the same!!Then i went to the lift landing of my block...AND HE DID THE SAME!!!.....

He thought i was gonna take the lift but instead i took the stairs. Phew...then he backed off..

Dammit, is this place safe anymore? Stalk me for what??!!!! HIt you with my stats book and scream into your ear then you know. But that aside, i was honestly very very very frightened. Oh man.

My dad scolded me for staying in school till so late....but urgh...i needed to mug!!

Anyway, alhamdulillah im safe and sound at home...

PHEW.

PS: looks can be deceiving cos the guy, this chinese middle aged guy who can pass off as some maths or econs teacher really looked decent....ah well. So dear friends, beware ya?

Deadly sin: So slOb me.

Was reading the Sunday times just now. Wow, its been a while since i actually sat down and really digest whats going on. (while munching on my chocolate hazelnut moose cake at 10.30am) (in fact, im munching on pringles now...so much for breakfast).

So, singaporeans think that lazyness is one of the most deadly sins eh? I concur...oh how i agree. Just look at me now! And im feeling guilty for waking up late, only to have my digestive system break down tonnes of fats!

My goodness, sometimes, i think my parents are doing this to me on purpose!!! Buying so much goodies in the house! How will i ever lose that bleeping 5 kg i sought to in my new year's resolution (which, by the way, was carried forward from 2 years ago..so you see how im not progressing at all)

Just check out my kitchen man! 6..yes, SIX cans of pringles, 1 packet of some cadbury chocolate centred cookies, another pack of some cadbury chocolate biscuits, some kerepek merepek thing, bauloo (how do you spell that), a pack of Tim Tams, 2 huge packets of cheezels...and goodness, im too afraid to look in the fridge!

[farah takes another chip.....hmm..label says 0g trans Fat...oh really? COME ON LAH]

Anyway, progressing at a fine/splendid rate for my socio write up!! Managed to do my surveys...all i need to do now is to throw in some charts and rip off some statement from some source (of course id leave a biblio la) and then im done! Weekend wonder write-up done!

PS: thanks to my ever so patient subjects/interviewees...though i must say, Farhana, you are the suckiest and most annoying subject anyone can have! Remind me NOT to interview you for my thesis or smt! So degil!(stubborn/too clever for your own good) hahahahhaha..

Oh gosh, i feel sick now. All that choc cake and pringles churning...bluergh.

Will go jog them off later...i think...nah...maybe i"ll go tmr...heh, or maybe tuesday...hehehe.

somebody SLOB me baby. yeah!

(mental note: austin powers is not a good influence. i keep saying "baby" these days. stop it farah.)

Oh yea, i think ive fallen in love with my tuition kids! Well, i dont know why.....but i was teaching the two sisters like from 4-8pm...and their parents werent home...and well, they were so independent...you know, the elder one taking care of the other two....and my goodness...the youngest one, this little boy called Hakim, is so darn cute. He's in primary 3. So so lovable. So naughty too. He tried to show he was a good boy by doing his english hmk while i taught his elder sis...then he quietly crept up to me and said "i dont know how to do".....man, my heart just melted! I mean, im not even paid to teach the fella..but ahh...so i taught him....then after his attention span wanned, which was like within 1/2 hour, he kept making me laugh by creeping behind his sister and making funny noises and stuff....Oh but the really reallly funny thing that got me laughing so hard was when he refused to bathe....and then, as i was teaching the eldest sis, he crept behind her, and wrapped his towel over her head and went "arghhhhhh"...hahahhaha...so hilarious! Oh man, she was pissed! (amazingly, his sister had to bathe him cos their mother doesnt trust the boy to bathe by himself....i was kinda shocked cos he's NINE!! then again, he is rather mischievous...might waste water)

Anyway, by the time it was time for me to leave, he was saying "stay la..can watch cartoon....a while only" Oh, how i wanted to. For a moment, i didnt feel like a tutor! I felt like i was the babysitter or something! But i had to go home...

Haha..ah well, i suppose i'd always wanted a little brother. Hahah, i even wanted to bring him home! hahah...and no, I am not and do not harbour kidnapping tendencies.

Ok, ok, i shall get back to work..So gonna finish socio today!

The sun shines.....im happy again

Honestly, im pretty darn sure my mood and the weather are somehow correlated.

Just came home....Buble's in my ear. Decided to turn away from angry music....and im feeling more relaxed...Its a beautiful evening...beautiful.....and suddenly everything seems all nice...babies in the train made me smile.....heh, the man who made funny faces at one of the babies made me smile...its nice to see men playing with babies...just melts the heart.

[lets out a deep sigh]
What a day...was almost late for school today..wait, i was late for lect. Luckily my dad sent me...and so, i memorised the route to school so that should he ever not want to send me to school, i'll just threaten him and tell him i'll drive there myself! ;) So here's the deal....TAKE THE ECP cos its so fast. Do NOT exit at Rochor. Go all the way straight...and then somehow you"ll see Normaton Park....Keep driving....then either exit when you see Science Park and hence go thru NUH or exit at Clementi and go by the bus route 96. Heh, pretty easy!

Had lunch with cheryl,dhevi and marisa....was supposed to study cog in the second hour..but slobs that we are. SIGHS.

Had a chat with Cheryl. Youre right cheryl...Im suppressing it under hatred. And youre right. Hatred is not the way to power my determination.
And youre right: Im quick to be determined but not many ppl know the other truth. Heh, lets just leave that in the dark shall we?

So i take it back. I would have deleted the darn post but again, Cheryl, youre right. Its a process. Besides, its a little hypocritical of me....

So yes, its true. Sometimes Im hot, sometimes im cold...sometimes im hot, sometimes im cold...on and on and on...I guess its not easy being you. If i were you, id be so frustrated with me...and then i'd run away from me...you know, that temperamental, highly emotional girl that farah is....id run far far faraaaaaa away.

So here i go, [heaves big sigh]

Im sorry.

I dont know if you still read my blog....Im sorry nonetheless. Im sorry for puttin you in a spot.

SO SOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYY.

There.

So now, hatred aint gonna fuel me....my fuel....is well....im still trying to figure out..maybe my fuel...is just to do my best. Just to be happy. Satisfied.

That's it. I shall just work as hard as i can. And whatever i get or how i do, i'll be satisfied.
That feels so much better. So so much better.

Quando quando quando playing now. :)

PS: Thanks chris. Thanks for everthing...OH!! and for educating farah on how to get to orchard from school...heh, take 95, drop after buena vista MRT...the take 111 and drop after lucky plaza to get to heeren!! Wheee~ hahahhahahaha..im prob the last undergrad to know the way to town by bus! better late than never..

Oh yea, in case youre wondering, i went there to collect the photos...havent seen em. Should be interesting.HAhahahahhaha.

Okay okay.....enjoy youre weekend peeps!

You do not exist

I feel so miserable. I dislike rainy days. The weather just gets to me. I felt absolutely terrible after class today. You know, the kind of despair you cant exactly put your finger on? The kind you just wanna sit in a corner all alone and cry your eyes out and you dont even know why? Of course you wouldnt know. Youre not me. I highly doubt it was social psych alone. It could very well be PMS. Which is why im probably grumpy/depressed/down in the dumps/color me blue now.

So, you do not exist. You do not exist. You do not exist. You do not exist. You do not exist. You do not exist.

At all.

I was only dreaming.

And ive woken up.

You are nothing to me.

Does it hurt?

It does? Really? Good.

It should. Cos i sure as hell feel like that and im blaming it on YOU.

Well, thats what irrational farah would think and do.

But i asked for it didnt i? I asked for it. To tell you the truth, im beginning to think that it was the most brilliant idea. At least now, my hate for you is fueling my determination. I hate you.

I hate you for listening to me.

See you in a month's time then.

Whatever.

This is my blog. This is how i feel at this moment in time. Regrets? I probably will have some. In fact, i"ll probably regret the moment i click "publish post"...but you know what? At least this makes me feel good for a moment. Even if its for a moment. So excuse me while i gratify myself. Gratify? is that even a word?
Heh, you might not even read this. Maybe by then, i"ll feel all normal again...and all happy and then i might delete this hurtful post.

But for now, let me wallow alone.

Alone.

It aint good enough

It isnt. I just saw my results for social psych. I passed, but i am not happy. It was an easy peasy paper. Dammit. I should be grateful...so why do i feel so angry? I feel really really angry. I could punch anyone now. Dont you flash your results at me. I wont even ask you. Dont ask me. Oh no, im becoming one of THOSE. Those ppl. Shame on me. Shame shame shame on me.

bla bla bla bla...many disjointed thoughts

Well, gee, FINALLY i can blog!

Its so frustrating not being able to vent my thoughts/feelings and whatever!! Im addicted to blogging! I mean i have like a trillion little things to write about!!1 So many. I mean where do i get my inspiration from? honestly? Everywhere....when im on the bus, on the train, walking home..when im SUPPOSED to be studying...in the toilet...EVRYWHERE

Eugene is sitting in front of me now, telling me to curl the bottom part of my hair. Like HUH?

Gargh...so many thoughts...where do i begin....to tell the story of la la la la laalaaaa.....

deviating i am. Speaking of deviation...I spent the whole time in Stats tutorial yesterday feeling dumb. And so, feeling horrible and suddenly inspired to study stats, i studied stats. Duh.
Was happily bobbing my head to my Muvo....so pleased with my Muvo...so many diff genre of music in my little Muvo. Classics, soundtracks, Blue (im not really a boybandfan but i mean, blue's not bad..at least they dont sing soppy sappy songs all the time..nice bouncy tunes), french songs, and soundtracks...ive got forrest gump, dragonheart, legends of the fall...bla bla bla....so many....so anyway, was learning about Regression....and how knowing the regression equation would allow you to determine/predict one variable from the other...and that the regression line is actually pretty easy....its the straight line formula :Y=bX + a, where b is given by Cov of XY divided by variance of X. Oh and that if we were to subtract 10 from every X value, correlation bet the two variables remain THE SAME!!! My my my!
SO, then, i needed to go to the toilet so i switched my Muvo off and tucked him safely away in my bag, away from prying eyes and itchy fingers. Felt a little worried...i mean are NUS students trustworthy??? Ah well....i left anyway...bladder couldnt take the caffein. So anyway, when i went back, GASP GASP GASPPPPPPP my little Muvo didnt wanna wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Thank god, its still under warranty!!!!!! im in the midst of calling the creative support team..gargh...I DONT WANNA SPEAK TO A MACHINE!!!!!!!!!!!

Social psych results are on the board...shall take a peek later. I sooo want an A for this module. Insya-allah...

Had french just now. my tutor says that my french is okay...but that once i screw up somewhere, my temper gets in the way and then i babble rubbish. okay, he didnt say that explicitly la. Speaking of french i PASSED...but then Ching yong just went "so what...must consider how the rest did" True. very true.

Pink! Saw a couple of guys in pink over the last few days. Man, some dudes can carry off pink. Others cant for nuts. So if youre a guy and you wanna wear pink, please, for god's sake, look in the mirror. Youve got to be either gay and proud of it...or damn hot.

And speaking of hot. I think im attracted to the big ones......THE BIG BRAINS!!!! man, during stats class...that superly duperly smart guy was like answering all the questions la! make the rest of us feel stupid...and when he's not answering, he has this deep brooding intellectual look.........ahhh.........OOOHHHHh and he did this REALLY cool thing in classs yest!!! he was like arguing with the tutor...and suddenly in the middle of his sentence, he sooo coooooly took out his handphone and went "but the question....hello, im in class now...." (silence). Whoa. i wish i could do that. Swoooon. Maybe im progresssing....im no longer gg for hot guys? but hot brains?? NAH. I need eye candy.

Blank. Oh yes, for a moment there i couldnt type!

So, yesterday morning, in the weeee-est hours, my sister left for Greece. What is love? I mean really? Its dragging your sleep deprived body to the airport even though your sister says "its okay". thats love.

And so, i have the room to myself till the 16th of April.

What else should i type? Eugene just asked me to check my results now so i can blog it in later.
Shaun Goh just burped. Thanks dude. SIGH.

Im vomitting blog entries.....hmmm....okay, i"ll post this now. then i"ll come back if i have things to add! I think ive deprived Linyen of her lappy for too long.

Arts club blasting music now......advertising their camp. Crazy crazy crazy for ya baby..im losing my mind....

Damn arts club for playing sappy songs on a rainy day. "remember me this way" WHAT THE HELL???? STOP IT LAH.

I keep on falling.............in and out....of SLEEP

GARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....this is my second time typing this post cos i dunno why, the first time it didnt turn out right!

Anyway, i JUST WOKE UP. Can you believe it? Ive turned into a slob. I mean I slept at 12.30 am last night cos, no, i wasnt studying, I WAS ON THE PHONE!!!! i was on the phone the whole day FOUR different people!!!!!! Even my dad was flabbergasted that he went "Wah, farah, marathon ah?" Yunxian, tsk tsk tsk. Why didnt you slam the phone on me and tell me to study?
-_-

Then i woke up this morn at like 10am...bummed ard the whole day and when i finally gathered myself to do some soci readings, i fell asleep at 1pm!!! Argh. I just zonked out to LA LA LAND!!!!!!!!! I didnt even know i fell asleep until i woke up!

And im supposed to go out for dinner later with cheryl and melinda...

So guilty. Another day and nothing's been done.

Im so gonna make sure i study later tonight!!!

Today's the last day of my sister's exams. Her finals. THE finals. By now, she's probably done.I mean 5 years of med school...over in flash...and in a few days time, she's on her way to GREECE for a vacation while i rot here TRYING to mug. Ah well, she deserves it. She's worked so so hard and so consistently. I can only dream of being like her!!

My other bro's leaving for taiwan for a month cos of work...so the house will be pretty quiet...I should have no excuse NOT being able to concentrate. The only distraction is my other brother who loves to annoy me. Ah well.

Ok ok, i shall try to cram something in my head before i leave. Must try.

Hello, my name is Farah....and Im 20

[yes, its a stupid title, yunxian. -_-]

Its a new beginning! A new phase of life.

Had a fantastic birthday yesterday! I think, this is one of my best birthday's ever!!!!!
[At this juncture, my mom just rang me up to tell me that my dad is up on stage at Century Square as I type...ACTING as Romeo. What the?! Man, I have totally cool parents!]

Yeah, i spent the entire day slacking. Went out with my mom SHOPPING! Retail therapy! She bought me this funky pair of shoes, jeans, another pants and a nice pink top! Hahahahahha......Finally, i have a new set of clothes!

Then at night we celebrated with the cake, prayer, and photos. Heh, i dont know how to upload photos on my blog though. Ah well.

Wheeeeee~ i feel so so loved. Friends from past and present sorta remembered! Hahahhahahah.

Im plugged in to my Muvo now....[bobs head up and down]

Alright, Im farah and Im 20. But im also Farah who might possibly screw up her CAP CAP CAP if she doesnt stop declaring holidays for herself!!

GET A MOVE ON ALREADY!!! [cant believe im typing to myself]
Eh, readers of my blog, can you please kick my ass if you see me slacking or smt. Dont talk to me! Just show me your hand and say "CAP FARAH YOUR CAP"

Happy 20th Birthday to ME!!!!

My last day being a teenager.

Alas, i cannot escape the inevitable:aging.

It is my last post as a 19 year old. What have i to say to myself? I'd actually come up with an entry for today but i cant seem to remember it though! Haha, signs of aging.

I suppose i"ll just type anything that comes into this young head of mine! Hhahah...

OH YES!!!!! i LOVE MY BROTHER!!! woohoooo! Farah's got an MP3 player!! Yeah, he called me up when i was in school earlier today and he asked me what i wanted and i told him...and he asked me 'what's the specification" and i went "anything"...

And now, im a proud owner of a Creative mp3 player that can store like (GASP) 1 GB!!!!
Features:
Skip free MP3/wma player
directly record music frm any audio source with line-in
tune in and record FM radio
voice record with in built mike
fast music transfer with USB 2.0
Simple drag and drop music and data files,no software needed
store data files such as photos and presentations
reversible LCD for left or right handed operation
weight:22.7g w/o batt
up to 15hrs batt life
size: 3.35x6.65x1.3cm
signal to noise ration: up to 90dB
frequency response: 20Hz to 20kHz
Harmonic response: <0.1%


I have absolutely no idea what that all stands for! Heh, im just glad i have an MP3 player FINALY!!! No more boring radio. No more silent journeyon the MRT when underground. WHeee~

I feel so guilty my bro forked out like a whooping amt of money on me....but he said "if i dont spend it, what will i use the money for"...

Still.

Whee~ i love my life. Im so so so so so SO blessed to be born into this family of mine. So blessed. I dont think i want anything from them anymore...except their love and support.

In fact, ive just remembered what i wanted to type in as my entry. I wanted to make a huge shout out to all my friends. I mean i must really thank each and everyone of you who played a part in my life, big or small, consciously or not, cos without you, i wouldnt be where i am today. You all know who you are.

Thank you for being in my life. Yes, YOU.The one reading this right now.

PS: to all those who expected me to put up my bdae wish list again, im sorry, im not gonna...
All i want and need from you is your prayers, thought and friendship. Your very presence in my life is your gift to me. And im so so blessed if im in your thoughts alone. Thats all i ask. :)

headache

okay, maybe club beats isnt my thing. Or maybe i turned the volume to high up. In any case, realised that club beats is not techno, which is good, very good..its growing on me.

Im home now. Damn. Couldnt focus in school. Dunno why. Wasted the entire afternoon. heh, and there were two cute guys in the lib, sitting at the table gen and me were at. Ahahahaha....Twins some more! yes, genevieve, you blushed big time! So embarrassing lar! You take the blue shirt one and i"ll take the white shirt one! Hahahhahaha. ;p AND!! gen just told me that one of them (my white shirt dude) is a model!! hahahahhaah. Okay, okay. stop it farah.

Came home only to realise someone in the block's renovating. bah!

Will commence mugging in a bit!

Numb

My fingers are freezing. Brrrr. On the 6th floor of the lib. No idea why im online when I SHOULD BE MUGGING!

Know why? Cos im falling asleep. Dammit. Argh. Must keep awake.

French test tmr. Got back stats test. Failed. yes, FAILED. But i still got a double digit so im overjoyed. Still, I FAILED. Hence i ought to feel crushed. Or am i numb to failure? NOT! Im gonna bloody mug la! I WILL NOT FAIL AGAIN.

Wah, fingers really numb....
Listening to symphony 92.4 now cos i cant stand mainstream channels anymore. All they keep playing are bloody love songs love songs love songs. "oh you complete me" "how can i live without you" "come back to me" "i want you" BLA BLA BLA. I mean come off it!
BARGH. So annoying.

And eugene, i think ive converted to a WKRZ fan too. Gimme club beats anytime.

Music wise, i think ive gone bipolar: Club beats and classicals?

hahahha. Whatever helps keep my mind from wondering.

THINK OF CAP. THINK OF CAP. THINK OF CAP.

One month from today (actually, yesterday) is MY FINALS.

Cannot afford to screw up.

Screw everything else. My grades comes first.

Made over

Phew. Just came home from the make over place. I knew there was a catch somewhere. NOTHING COMES FOR FREE. I fell for the marketing gimmick dammit. Gargh. Ah well. Im too lazy to type it all out.

Just that i thank my lucky stars i have friends who were willing to chip in to defray the cost so that effectively, the make over was a present from them!

Anyhoos, my unofficial holiday ends today.

SO BACK TO WORK FARAH!!!

mug mug mug!

PS: i hate make-up. I really really do.

EGYPT, a good hair day and a phone call

All the above made me smile. Nice weekend. Good weekend. One of the best weekends this year. I officially gave myself the weekend off...had to rejuvenate after the burn out!

Came home on friday and just konk out.

Sat: Went to the Adidas fair (which was rather disappointing...saw a top that had its price jacked up. Such injustice!)
Went to the travel fair at Suntec. Was disappointed cos my dad was willing to subsidise my trip to Australia as MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT.(erhem...its drawing near heheheheh) but ended up with nothing. I was sooo sad. My mom couldnt decide where to go..she kept insisting "Anything la, up to you" and i hated that so much. Cos i didnt want the decision to be unilateral. I was fed-up. In the end my dad wanted to go Tioman!! TIOMAN!!! What the?! Degenerate from Aust to Tioman!!! Then was walking ard...and then i saw TURKEY. Oh my gosh, i wanted so so badly to go there. Ive always wanted to go there...and be at that bridge that connects Asia to Europe...Then i can proudly say that "Ive been at two continents at the same time". Plus i heard the people there are gorgeous. Plus theres the Grand Bazaar...where i can buy all the nonesense trinkets and stuff to make myself happy.

But no, we left empty handed. And so i resigned myself to the fact that i would never in my life ride on an airplane.

Then, sunday came...

Turns out, my bro wanted to go Egypt. I tried swaying him to go turkey but he insisted there's nothing there! Plus he wants to practice his Arabic. Then i looked at the brouchures about Egypt.....and then i dont know.......I was still not convinced....cos Egypt didnt have a lot of places for my mom to shop. She might not like it...plus its really hot....turkey's a cool 20 degrees...

So i went down to the travel fair once again...and this time with my bro..and we compared Egypt and Turkey...turkey was far cheaper than Egypt at all the agencies except one....and i read the itenary (how do you spell it?) and i was taken in!!! And.....before i knew it,

IM GOING TO EGYPT!!!!!!!

wohooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!! PLus, this will be my first plane ride in my life and im going to EGYPT!!!!

My first international stamp (unless you count bintan, which isnt fair) and IM GOING TO EGYPT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IM GOING EGYPT!!!! The land of the pyramids, and mummies!! Heeeeeeheeeheeeee.....

Im so excited! Now, i have a goal. Im gonna mug bloody hard to make sure i earn the trip. I will mug so so soso hard. Oh yes, i will. Watch out everyone, cos Farah's back in business!!

hehehehe.

Okay, so im having a good hair day too! Was gonna cut my hair and color it over the weekend but sheesh, that time of the month HAD to come. So i couldnt. Anyway, my hair's behaving itself for now....and yeah, today's my photo makeover rubbish thingy.

BUT, i look like a panda. Residual dark rings and eye baggies still left from last week's sleep deprivation.....I suppose this is where we see the wonders of concealers!

And then there was that phone call. :) It lasted till 2.30am this morn. Hence the dark circles. But it was worth it. And fun. And nice. Heheheheheheh. [giggle giggle]

C'est tout! (Mais.....Pour maintenant)

My day has finally ended. How i had been anticipating this week to end. And now thats its here, you cannot imagine the overwhelming relief i feel right now. And what a day it was.

When i got home this morning, i thought i'd just konk (its a word i invented. /konk/: verb, used to describe the instantaneous moment one falls asleep. I konked out on my bed when i got home last night.) but no, i didnt.

Instead, i had to go through what i would describe as the "WHY ME ESPECIALLY NOW" kinda situation. There i was, heading to my room, when i remembered to pack my bag in case i'd have no time to when i wake up. So i recalled having to bring this bunch of receipts from the SWAPS dialogue thingy. I needed to claim the money from the treasurer and the department. To my horror (what a cliched phrase), it was no where to be found. False memories were created and yes, i was fooled by them. "i put em all in a white envelope and left it in my file....no, on my table."

So i spent my time at 2++ am, searching for a white envelope everywhere. I even rummaged through my dustbin "luckily my sis hasnt cleared the bin for weeks", i thought. But oh no, the white envelope was not there.

And so, i started panicking. Resigned that the forces of the world was against me. That i was being punished. I called cheryl up and whined. Whined to karina and nirwan online. (come to think of it, what the heck were you guys doing up so late/early?)

And then, dunno why, i became numb. I decided to take a warm shower. It was then that I told myself, "what is money anyway but a material thingy...i mean its 200 bucks plus....i suppose this would be a painful reminder to be careful nextime..and NEVER EVER DEAL WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S MONEY AGAIN. And that i suppose i should absorb the cost and reimburse those involved. It was my responsibility".

And so i left the bathroom with a sigh. Ah well. Life's experiences. Went to pray before resuming my search....then...

It wasnt a white envelope i should be looking for!! its RED! i put em in an ang pow!! And suddenly, i remembered putting it in my BAG. and ta-da! It was there!

Moral of the story: Always take responsibility for your actions. Good things will come your way. Also, mental note: do not panic too fast in future. It wont help.

anyway, glad friday's over. My bro's picking me up in a few minutes....i hope.

so many things i wanna type...so little time (lib closing at 9).

Till next time then!

TGIF! i mean really!

eaten by my eating juices

Its true! Im STILL in school at such an ungodly hour. AND, i have effectively done NOTHING for stats. BUT I DONT CARE. I am hungry, cold and sleep deprived. HUNGRY.

I dont care. I just want friday to be over and done with.

This is ridiculous. I am in school, by the time my bro get here at 1 am, i will reach home at 2am. And then i'll have to pray and shower. then sleep. then wake up in 3 hrs time at 5.30am. Shower and eat. and then drag my body back to school for a STATS TEST AT @ 8 Bloody AM!!!

GARH.

haiz. I WANNA GO HOME.

Ive FINISHED my cog paper!

Yeah, i completed it at the ungodly hour of 4.10AM this morning Pretty impressed i didnt feel tired at all. Anyway, Thank God its done and over with. Im so afraid to read the document i saved in case upon re-reading i realise its out of point. That would be oh-so painful. I'll just check thru one day before submission. ;p

Thanks Eugene and Joanna for the tips. Realised i would have been writing in circles w/o your help to begin with!

Im supposed to be having my Soci lecture now but im at home. I just got up and bleh, im too lazy. To think abt it, I'll not make it on time anyway.

Have french lect at 6pm though. So i guess i'll have to be the goondoo who drags herself to school when everyone else has finished classes.

Alright. Must mug for social psych.

Actually ar...

Haiya, I think ive seen the light. Okay, not as in Ive seen God or anything or that I had an epiphany...I just came to a mini-realisation...

I think Im a bloody over achiever. Okay, maybe. I mean all this while, I kept feeling all angsty and "oh my grades are sooooo screwed" and all cos man, i was stressed bout the little things. Fine, fine, grades arent so little in my life.....but you know, i think i gotta chill out. Smell the roses.....Enjoy the journey to a destination..bla bla bla that kinda thing.

Maybe, if i slack and relax a little, i might actually enjoy mugging? I dont know but maybe thats how Vemalan did it! He took the slack approach and did he ever fail ANYTHING? Hahahha.

Hmm....even though this is the beginning of a hellishly hectic week for me, i think i can manage. Haiya, can la. Bo pian lor. (i have absolutely no idea what i just said.)

Yes, yes, can lah. This week will come and go. Just do my best lor.

Heh, even my England in this post a bit messed up hor. All the singlish spewling (spilling) out.
Chewren.(children) hahahahhaha. Harlow, I am mimi choo. Can i helpchoo? HAhhahahahhahaha.

Why did i just type all that for? I dont even know. Just thought it was funny.

Oh man, I think ive gone bonkers.

And I feel so blessed to have people around me who care. Really. Really. Really. Gen, xiaowen, kenneth and the rest of you....thanks man.

I feel so loved! Ah, the world is wonderful!

Okay, i shall shuddup now and start on my cognitive paper. My offer still stands: I'll pay anyone to write for me my term paper. Any takers? I mean, seriously, any at all? Price is negotiable.

Feeling better....

Indeed i am...thanks for the tags an encouragement..really means a lot to me to know i have people ard me who cares. Really am genuinely touched. Knowing that youre there for me is already a lot. Thank you friends. Thanks adeline,karina,chris,gene,eugene,cheryl lee,cheryl Nott,pema..im sorry if i missed out on anyone...i really am...thanks to YOU nonetheless.

Im really sorry xiaoyan for what happened today. Really am. I feel terrible. I was selfish. I shouldnt have exploded. Justina too. Im sorry you had to see everything happen and cried along with me too. Im sorry lin yen. Thank you so much for being so resilient for us three. Thank you.

Sorry to everyone who had to bear with my grunts, sighs, whimpers and all. You guys are so much tougher than me. I take my hat off to all of you.

Got home from the open house deco. Thank you ppl for helping out. Now i need to get the roster done and then im done.

off i go then.

What a day indeed.

im a bitch. Hear me roar.

I cant believe what i did just now. I cant believe i did that. I cant believe i broke down and started sobbing at the Swaps table. The trigger was simple really. Someone was talking about the cognitive tutorial. And then i snapped. It was the accumulation of events really. For one, shaun ong was saying how he's almost done with the term paper. Then along came xiaoyan who started talking about the tutorial i havent prepared for. Then justina joined in. All that while, i was sitting down there, churning "oh my gosh, these ppl are as busy as me and THEY know wth gg on for lessons and I DONT"

And then i suddenly started sobbing violently like a pathetic shit. "I want it to end. I wanna drop out.. I hate the situation im in". Then i thought about my family and i sobbed more. Oh, how farah is gonna dissapoint them. How they think all is well in farah's world. They think that i can get that scholarship...they think...they expect.... And then i couldnt stop.

Then along came XY again, and she was about to say something and out of no where, i bacame a monster.

I screamed and her..and told her to "SHUT UP". I was frightened even of myself. I became and unstable psycho. Im not surprised. It was about time...and i guess i saw it coming this mornin. I mean who wakes up in the morning crying at 6 bloody AM?

Yeah, i just started weeping and sniffing my eyes/nose off away after my morning prayers. Haiz....i thought that was it.

But no.

I feel darn stupid now. I mean, i said pretty mean stuff to her. Im sure you know (or wouldnt want to know) how horridly caustic i can be when provoked. Ive apologised. But still. Horrible.

Im a horrible person.

I deserve what shit im in right now. I ....I.. I dont know what to say anymore.

I disgust myself.


PS: I resent the question " Are you okay?" Because Im not. I realise that...and its okay to admit it. Im not okay.

I want it to end.

No, i am not suicidal. Never will be. That's just dumb. LIfe is beautiful really. Just that i havent got the time to smell the roses.

Its 7.30pm. I am so so tired. Of what? Everything.

I shall mention it again: I WANT THIS SEM TO END.

I have even lost interest in the fact that my birthday is coming. Im not excited anymore. In fact, i dont want it to come cos that would mean my datelines are nearing. I dont wanna celebrate it anymore. I just want to be alone. I just want to get away from people you know. I just wanna be able to breathe again. I want to be able to be chirpy and carefree...wait... was i ever? MAybe ive always been like this. A worrywart.

Or maybe im just saying it cos im feeling pretty darn lousy now. DOnt worry bout me. Farah will survive. But it still doesnt mean she's having a ball right now.

So go ahead, have your life and dont bother about me. You're lucky you have one. Im just a walking/waking zombie.

Man, do i sound depressed. But dont worry im not.

I still laugh and smile.

I still eat. sometimes.

I still watch snippets of TV.

I still talk to people.

Im perfectly normal.

I just want a hug.

I need a hug... and someone to say everything will be alright and that
"farah, youre doing a great job. Its okay...dont worry".

bah, since no one will, i"ll just say it to myself :
"Farah, im proud of myself aka you(aint this confusing). Youre/Im doing a fantastic job at managing your/my school, family, cca, etc. Keep it up farah. You/I can do it. Everything will be okay"


PS: Blast everyone who thinks otherwise. Who cares what they think? If they think they can do a better job, shove it up their bottom then.

Now now, profanities will not get me anywhere. So sod off naysayers.

Ahh...feel better now. A little.

Have i mentioned how i screwed up my french oral this morn? Yeah, well, i did. Quoi je dois maintenent? je ne sais pas. C'est la vie. C'est la vie. C'est la vie.

What a day. Phew.

Well, social psych presentation is OVER for now. I am amazed how our team managed to overcome all obstacles to deliver a rather good presentation given we had only 1 day to complete! Too bad the video we made didnt work out in class....but overall, the tutor said that our presentation was good considering the constraints ie: AWOL groupmate, etc etc.

So a big THANK YOU to my team mates Genevieve, Kimberly and Charmaine. WE DID IT.

Also, Thank you gene for lending us your camera.

One down. Many many more to go. I cannot emphasise enough how i want this sem to end. Maybe asking for this year to end is a bit too much but ahhh....

Well, lets see what things farah has to do over the course of two weeks now shall we?

Thurs 10th March: French oral
Sat 12 th march: Open House
Thurs 17th March: Social psych mid term test 30%
Fri 18th March: Cognitive term paper due 20%
Fri 18th March: Stats 2 Test 2 15%
Tues 22nd March: French test
Tues 22nd March: Sociology write up due

So forgive me if i may seem highly pissable over the coming days ya? And yes, saying "I HATE SWAPS" felt really good. But its not true. It just feels good to say it la. Cathartic.Yes, thats the word.

Haiz.

Perservere, i shall.

one day, in the future, i shall look back on this and say "Pish, that was nothing!"

A series of unfortunate events

Just learnt this morning that my social psych presentation will be tmr and not two weeks from now! What am i doing blogging? BACK TO WORK!!! Argh.

In the student lounge in YIH now....managed to come out with a rough outline for tmr with gen. Breathe in. Breathe out. Feeling quesy.

Can.

Can do. And when this is over, I"ll just laugh about it.

Its only 20% right. Right. Not helping.

Allah will guide me. I feel horrible cos i kept cussing when i found out this morn. I should have been less....vulgar...and more composed...and reasoned that this is just another one of His tests. I will get thru this. Insya-allah.

Well, i"ll give it my best. I will.

~Breathe in life and breathe out ~

Altogether now....SIGH!

Continuing from where i left off yesterday. Im underperforming. I got back my cognitive paper back. Guess what? The mean was freaking 42/60!! 42!! Wth! So high lar! Whats wrong with some people? Why must they get full marks for MCQ and spoil the market the rest of us? I passed and dont get me wrong, im very grateful..at least I still fell within the standard deviation so phew.

But ive gotta watch out.

I want my life back. Wait, what was it anyway? Did i even have one?

Ah, the complexity of it all. I like Swaps but Im tired of perpetually having to meet some deadline and make sure things dont screw up. But i like the people. Nice people.

Aussi, j'ai un nouveux ami. Il est tres gentil est tres beau! Oui, je pense que, je suis tombe pour lui...un peu...Haha.... Mais, je n'ai pas de temps pour lui. Je suis tres triste. Pourqoui maintenant? Quand je suis tres occupe et j'ai trop travailler. Je voudrais lui bon connais mais.......haiz. Je ne sais pas encore. Nous avons smsed et ecrite email et ditons en msn...mais...ah whatever la

I dont even know why i burst out in french. Maybe its a good idea after all...At least i can practice it! I reckon my futur simple still sucks..need to work on it. Need to brush up on vocab. Blah. Overall, i think that paragraph sorta make sense..grammatically wrong here and there but considering it came at the top of my head, im quite pleased! Soon, i"ll be able to write an entire essay in french! ;)

D-day Part Two

Just go home. Really tired. Now they're both over.....over....over. I should be glad....relieved..satisfied...but strangely, i feel nothing. I mean i tried psyching myself into believeing that im super satisfied and all but i realised...i feel....nothing.

Could it be because i know that its far from over? That this is only the beginning? Cos i know i will never be completley free. That i will never be able to put 100 per cent into my studies ie my real work as an undergrad? That it wont even be over this semester? It will be only truly over in late August? How satisfied can i be? Heh, to think i kept saying "i cant wait for this sem to end" when by gosh, "i cant wait for THIS YEAR to end". Im so so so so tired. I just wanna focus on my studies. I am UNDERPERFORMING. That's the worst fact. I know that im underperforming and i cant do anything. I need more ME time.

Haiz.

Had french just now. Well, thats one down. And in a sad twist of events, i will have my french oral next thurs and know what? I know i"ll be busy preparing for open house.

I JUST WANNA CUT AND RUN. RUN AWAY FROM IT ALL.

But no, i cannot. Farah is not that type of person. Even though im far from perfect, i never back out of something i agree to do. Well, at least i try to the best of my ability lah. Bah. I just i just gotta suck it up and fulfill my obligation/duties to the best of my ability. Perhaps God wants me to learn something.....like time management? Haha.

Haha.

caught in the whirlwind of life

Trying to sound cheem as usual.

So anyway, got back my stats paper today. One word. Alhamdulillah. Really. Im just so thankful i passed. I will work harder.

French test tmr. Shall MUG!

Tried doing research for cognitive psych term paper. To no avail. Got lost among the books. Cant believe im on the waiting list for Fodor's book. Which i can only get my hands on after the term paper due date! How? hmm.

Realised i wasnt invited to some ex-Victorians day. Everyone got an email about it except me. Not that i can make it this sat la...but still!!! Just like how the MCS invited everyone else to the hari raya dinner thingy..except ME! Again, not like i'd even bother to attend! Sheesh.What? Did I like not exist in VJ? Oh ya, I didnt. Except for the class photo, you will not find my face anywhere else in the year book! Cos i missed the CCA photos. Ah well. Make myself seem exclusive! Hahahah. I feel better now. :P

And SEAN (aka shaun) my little malaysian friend!!!!!! thank you sooooo much dude for the e-card! Perk of the day cos i totally wasnt expecting your e-card. Little things like that quite meaningful you know! Truly touched. Here's an excerpt:

"hey dudette..heheh..wutz up la??..thought this was cute..like the guy who's sendin this 2 u..(hehehe...jk jk..)so u came across my mind la..jadi I kirim this e-card 2 u lor...so hopefully our friendship is based on the pyramid as well ya..n hope 2 be friends 4 many many more years 2 come ok..hehehe..cioaz!!!

Haiya, have i been neglecting my friends? I think I might have. All because i have been caught in the whirlwind of life.

French is on THURS...bah!