What a day. Phew.

Well, social psych presentation is OVER for now. I am amazed how our team managed to overcome all obstacles to deliver a rather good presentation given we had only 1 day to complete! Too bad the video we made didnt work out in class....but overall, the tutor said that our presentation was good considering the constraints ie: AWOL groupmate, etc etc.

So a big THANK YOU to my team mates Genevieve, Kimberly and Charmaine. WE DID IT.

Also, Thank you gene for lending us your camera.

One down. Many many more to go. I cannot emphasise enough how i want this sem to end. Maybe asking for this year to end is a bit too much but ahhh....

Well, lets see what things farah has to do over the course of two weeks now shall we?

Thurs 10th March: French oral
Sat 12 th march: Open House
Thurs 17th March: Social psych mid term test 30%
Fri 18th March: Cognitive term paper due 20%
Fri 18th March: Stats 2 Test 2 15%
Tues 22nd March: French test
Tues 22nd March: Sociology write up due

So forgive me if i may seem highly pissable over the coming days ya? And yes, saying "I HATE SWAPS" felt really good. But its not true. It just feels good to say it la. Cathartic.Yes, thats the word.

Haiz.

Perservere, i shall.

one day, in the future, i shall look back on this and say "Pish, that was nothing!"

A series of unfortunate events

Just learnt this morning that my social psych presentation will be tmr and not two weeks from now! What am i doing blogging? BACK TO WORK!!! Argh.

In the student lounge in YIH now....managed to come out with a rough outline for tmr with gen. Breathe in. Breathe out. Feeling quesy.

Can.

Can do. And when this is over, I"ll just laugh about it.

Its only 20% right. Right. Not helping.

Allah will guide me. I feel horrible cos i kept cussing when i found out this morn. I should have been less....vulgar...and more composed...and reasoned that this is just another one of His tests. I will get thru this. Insya-allah.

Well, i"ll give it my best. I will.

~Breathe in life and breathe out ~

Altogether now....SIGH!

Continuing from where i left off yesterday. Im underperforming. I got back my cognitive paper back. Guess what? The mean was freaking 42/60!! 42!! Wth! So high lar! Whats wrong with some people? Why must they get full marks for MCQ and spoil the market the rest of us? I passed and dont get me wrong, im very grateful..at least I still fell within the standard deviation so phew.

But ive gotta watch out.

I want my life back. Wait, what was it anyway? Did i even have one?

Ah, the complexity of it all. I like Swaps but Im tired of perpetually having to meet some deadline and make sure things dont screw up. But i like the people. Nice people.

Aussi, j'ai un nouveux ami. Il est tres gentil est tres beau! Oui, je pense que, je suis tombe pour lui...un peu...Haha.... Mais, je n'ai pas de temps pour lui. Je suis tres triste. Pourqoui maintenant? Quand je suis tres occupe et j'ai trop travailler. Je voudrais lui bon connais mais.......haiz. Je ne sais pas encore. Nous avons smsed et ecrite email et ditons en msn...mais...ah whatever la

I dont even know why i burst out in french. Maybe its a good idea after all...At least i can practice it! I reckon my futur simple still sucks..need to work on it. Need to brush up on vocab. Blah. Overall, i think that paragraph sorta make sense..grammatically wrong here and there but considering it came at the top of my head, im quite pleased! Soon, i"ll be able to write an entire essay in french! ;)

D-day Part Two

Just go home. Really tired. Now they're both over.....over....over. I should be glad....relieved..satisfied...but strangely, i feel nothing. I mean i tried psyching myself into believeing that im super satisfied and all but i realised...i feel....nothing.

Could it be because i know that its far from over? That this is only the beginning? Cos i know i will never be completley free. That i will never be able to put 100 per cent into my studies ie my real work as an undergrad? That it wont even be over this semester? It will be only truly over in late August? How satisfied can i be? Heh, to think i kept saying "i cant wait for this sem to end" when by gosh, "i cant wait for THIS YEAR to end". Im so so so so tired. I just wanna focus on my studies. I am UNDERPERFORMING. That's the worst fact. I know that im underperforming and i cant do anything. I need more ME time.

Haiz.

Had french just now. Well, thats one down. And in a sad twist of events, i will have my french oral next thurs and know what? I know i"ll be busy preparing for open house.

I JUST WANNA CUT AND RUN. RUN AWAY FROM IT ALL.

But no, i cannot. Farah is not that type of person. Even though im far from perfect, i never back out of something i agree to do. Well, at least i try to the best of my ability lah. Bah. I just i just gotta suck it up and fulfill my obligation/duties to the best of my ability. Perhaps God wants me to learn something.....like time management? Haha.

Haha.

caught in the whirlwind of life

Trying to sound cheem as usual.

So anyway, got back my stats paper today. One word. Alhamdulillah. Really. Im just so thankful i passed. I will work harder.

French test tmr. Shall MUG!

Tried doing research for cognitive psych term paper. To no avail. Got lost among the books. Cant believe im on the waiting list for Fodor's book. Which i can only get my hands on after the term paper due date! How? hmm.

Realised i wasnt invited to some ex-Victorians day. Everyone got an email about it except me. Not that i can make it this sat la...but still!!! Just like how the MCS invited everyone else to the hari raya dinner thingy..except ME! Again, not like i'd even bother to attend! Sheesh.What? Did I like not exist in VJ? Oh ya, I didnt. Except for the class photo, you will not find my face anywhere else in the year book! Cos i missed the CCA photos. Ah well. Make myself seem exclusive! Hahahah. I feel better now. :P

And SEAN (aka shaun) my little malaysian friend!!!!!! thank you sooooo much dude for the e-card! Perk of the day cos i totally wasnt expecting your e-card. Little things like that quite meaningful you know! Truly touched. Here's an excerpt:

"hey dudette..heheh..wutz up la??..thought this was cute..like the guy who's sendin this 2 u..(hehehe...jk jk..)so u came across my mind la..jadi I kirim this e-card 2 u lor...so hopefully our friendship is based on the pyramid as well ya..n hope 2 be friends 4 many many more years 2 come ok..hehehe..cioaz!!!

Haiya, have i been neglecting my friends? I think I might have. All because i have been caught in the whirlwind of life.

French is on THURS...bah!

And now.....Its 9pm.

Phew. Im tired. So tired.But its over. Over. Over.

Need to focus on SC paper tmr......and FRENCH which I havent touched. Haiz.

But I must say....I think the event went pretty well. Better than I expected. So kudos to my entire team and everyone who helped me in one way or another. Thanks a lot. And heh, kudos to ME! hehehehhe

Alright. Im gonna mug now. Still in school.....Still reeling in. MUG MUG MUG.

D-day Part 1

This is it. In approximately 6 hours time, all that I've been working for as Director of Academics will come into play. Finally, the event is here. I just pray to God that everything will run smoothly. Please let there be no glitch. Please please please please please.

Will update on how the event went later.....

Please let things run smoothly.........

Achyyyyyyyy

Finally had my run yesterday after weeks of postponing it....Farhana had exams, I fell sick...Farhana fell down and couldnt run...I had work to do....So we ran. All the way to Pasir Ris PArk. Heh, considering I hadnt run in ages, Im rather pleased with myself!

But my thighs are oh-so achy now. It hurt real bad when i got our of bed this morn. Still, no pain, no gain! (even though experts might wince at this statement)

On a brighter note, I finnally got my first pay! WOhhoooo im rich!!! I have income again! Tuition is the most lucrative career for an undergraduate I tell you!

Now, if only i can find the time to go shopping. I feel like buying stuff.

Hmmm.

Make over?!!! ME??!!

Make overs. I have always thought that only vain and pompous people actually go for, as my friend puts it, glamour shots. I remember that there was this girl back in JC who went for some make over thingy and she brought the whole album of her shots and showed it to everyone. I mean....why on earth would you want to show pictures of yourself, heck, its not even how you look like cos I mean really, you dont look like that lah.Its the make up and styling and whatever.

So ANYWAY, before you think im hypocritical and all, yes, Farah is going for a make over on the 21st of March 2005....JUST BECAUSE ITS FREE!!!. Im doing it because im a singaporean. Its free lor thanks to my metro card. I'm pretty reluctant really but evryone said i should so BAH im going, im going! So its set. Just that well, its a bit pathetic really....I mean dress up and all just for a photo! There's no purpose for dressing up! farah does not dress up unless theres a purpose....i mean...i"ll be like all dressed up and no where to go..but home. So dumb. and pathetic!!!!

Ah well, on the plus side, at least i"ll be able to capture my youth!My last days as a teen. Before i turn 20. Then again, wouldnt all my other photos also capture my youth?

Argh. Cant believe im like torn whether to go or not. IM GOING LA. so there.

Crybaby

Im such a cry baby. I cant believe I cried today after watching snippets (not even the whole movie)..SNIPPETS of this show called 'Tuesdays with Mourrie'. I was in school watching it as part of this Hospice Care Association awareness program. Man, i dont even know why tears welled up in the first place! I mean the movie was about a dying man and how he was coping with his impending death due to this disease he has which would render his limbs wasted bit by bit. The two main characters were this guy called Mitch and Mourrie, the dying professor. Mitch was his ex-student. I think the show/book is about how Mitch realised the beauty and fragility of life after being completely submerged and lost in the hustle and bustle of work..it was Mourrie's final lesson for him....

There were some pretty beautiful quotes from the show...its in my bag now and im darn lazy to take it out and type....but wow. really.

I tried stifling my tears and all. Each time I felt that lump in my throat, I reached for my water bottle....but no.....one tear escaped and then the shower began. I couldnt help myself. I told myslef to suck it up cos no one else in the brightly lit room was crying! But i couldnt stop. I couldnt imagine losing anyone I love. It was too painful to even think about it.

Anyway, thankfully, the program ended shortly. I laughed it off. How silly of me.

Then had social psych proj meeting. And one of my groupmates was telling us how she lost her boyfriend the day before she had an exam last year. They were gonna get married in due time. Sad. sad. sad. But i admire her soooooo much. She was able to recount the event and all....I couldnt do anything. I didnt know what to say. I just told her that i admired her tenacity. Her will to go on. Indeed i do.

Would I be able to continue? I dont want to find out at all.

One month, 2 days left

Thats right. I have one month and 2 days left before I am no longer a teenager. I will be 20 years of age. 20. TWENTY!! 2 decades on the planet. My heart has been beating for 20 years. I have been breathing for 20 years. Yikes!! 20 years old I will be in one month and 2 days time.

Okay, now that that's over and done with, here's my Birthday Want List in no particular order! So people, listen up!!!

1) A nice big house in East Coast
2) A nice REAL red car (dont try to be funny and give me a drawing or worse, a toy car!!)
3) Money
4)MP3 player
5) A nice hottie ;)
6)Money
7)A more efficient brain
8)someone who would give me tuition for stats, cog psych and french and soci and social psych. heh, thats everything for this sem
9)A certain pink nike cap
10)Nice clothes
11) nice bags
12)nice shoes
13)A pair of shades
14)watch
15)wallet
16)a personal trainer
17)a dietician
18) nice accesorries?
19) a nice hottie with a brain of course
20) Contact lens!! My old ones are drying up!

Alright, alright....im not asking for everything!!! its the thought that counts la. I suppose your friendship and support is all i need. And your prayer. Im not that materialistic!! Oh but i beg you, do not give me stuff toys! i already have tonnes of them. My mom will kill me if i bring anymore home.

Okay! thats it for now!

and i will buy buble's CD myself!! muahahahhahahahahah. i shall buy it before any of you buy it for me!!!!!!

I NEED TO START NOWWWW!!!

Argh. I need to start my term papers NOW. Need to start on cog psych!! need to start on Social psych!! Need to study for french exam and Soci exams on tues!! Need to breathe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

breathe.

Sappy songs.

Damn sappy songs. Damn sappy songs. Ah well, I cant stop this darn song playing ard in my head!!!!
So im gonna purge it this way...here it is!!!!

Artist: Ryan Cabrera
Album: Take It All Away
Title: True
I won't talk,I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might thinkI don't look
But deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attached to you

I'm weak
It's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try ,anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

You don't know
What you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak
It's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?

CHORUS

I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true

CHORUS.

There, Ive purged it out! Be gone sappy song. Be gone!!!

3 generations

Whoa. Its a HOT day. Im hungry. Mom not done with the cooking so here i am....

I have two grandmas in my hall right now. This is weird. 2 grandmas at the same place at the same time.Haha...cant explain it really. Which means that my bed will be hijacked yet again. The couch beckons. Ah well.

My bro came out on the telly yesterday. He didnt even tell us he was interviewed. He didnt want the whole world to know. I love my bro. He's really humble. Unlike me. Heh. I mean he deserves all the accolade but he just wants to be left alone. Humble humble humble. Still, i am so immensely proud of him, you know?

So yes, to those who sms-ed me, he is MY brother. I wouldnt want anyone else for a brother.

Okay, had a heart to heart talk with my sis. I love my sis too! Im so glad that even though we are 4 years apart, we still talk to each other and can be open and all. I know some people who hate their sisters!

I love my other brother too. Yes, he can be annoying at times but he looks out for me you know.

Of course, I love my mom and dad too. I love my mom. She is superwoman. I dont know how she does it. She's done so much for me that i cannot express it in words. Plus, she's like the coolest mom ever!

And dad, my my my. I love him so much too. I pray i will make him proud.

I am so blessed to be born with such family.

Blessed.

Breathe

Phew. What a week. But hey, i survived. Aint gonna talk about the tests! I just pray I pass. Thats all Im asking for. Thats all. As for the registration booth. Im satisfied. Im halfway there la.Okay, not gonna talk abt work cos im taking a day off!!

Was napping just now(yes, a nap). I guess i needed to catch up on the sleep i missed the whole week. And boy, it was refreshing. Im feeling contented! Ahhh.....

Oh yeah, was awaken by my handphone vibrating on my bed. Farhana called me up and asked me to look outside the window. To my horror, there was a lot of smoke! A bush fire!Another one this week! Exactly one week ago, the trees around the central lib caught fire. I remember it clearly cos during cognitive lect, Winston Goh was recounting one of his episodic memories while he was in the States and i remember thinking to myself "How come nothing happens in NUS" and haha well, when me, cheryl and marisa were walking towards the lib after lect, there was this "chao ta" smell....then there was like ashes floating ard and well, i thought some people were burning incense (in NUS? i dont know why i even thought so!). Then people started pointing to the trees near the central lib. Yea, a lot of smoke and all. And now the area that got burned down sticks out from the surrounding lush greenary. Strangely thought, the contrast is well, beautiful. I must take a picture of that and when i figure out how, then i"ll put it up on the blog.

Whats up with the weather these days? Its so dry..all the leaves and grass are brown and crisp. And i mean bush fires in Singapore?

Speaking of fires, i know that i have to thread carefully here but isnt it annoying how the ashes from incense comes flying into your home? I hate it really cos i live on the 4th floor and everytime they burn, the ashes come flying into my room and onto my bed. Grr. Worse, they aftermath of the incense burning is well, very inconsiderate cos patches of ashes on the pathways? Come on man.

ANYWAY,

Ooh, Im feeling HaPpY! WHEEEEEEEeeeeee..
Hhahaha, its a wonder what sleep can do for the soul!

Oh ya, poor thing, Zhisheng was hospitalised. Went to visit him that day(cant remember when. I dont even remember what happened the whole week really. days simply weaved in and out of themselves...but hey, its the weekend now so i aint complaining)

And hey, term break is IN! Not that that means i have the right to bum cos i dont. It would sorta be a non-break for me but hey, again, i dont wanna talk abt it now cos i dont feel like it!

Gonna fetch my grandma tmr. That is if my bro doesnt need the car! I want to drive so i wont lose touch. Hmm, I had my longest drive last week on CNY. All the way to NUS from my bro's camp. Shiok man.

Michael buble has a new CD. I want that CD. But i dont want it for my Bdae justina so dont you dare give me that for my bdae!!! I want something bigger and more expensive!!! Hahhah...besides, im gonna buy it when i get my first pay next sat!

alright, thanks to all those who tagged my blog to offer me support and encouragement.

I believe....

I believe in miracles because i believe in God.

It was a horrible week last week. Well, if not for the holidays, i suppose it would have been worse. In any case, i had never use so many profanities that easily in one day. It was F this, F that, F him, F her. I felt it was justified. I was pissed. And many people were pissing me off.......urgh. And under tremendous stress. I just felt like snapping.

In anycase, this week, beginning tmr, will be tougher and even more challenging. But this time, I will remember about Allah and how He has always helped me get through things. So i will be calm and let things unfold because everything happens for a reason. I was reminded about turning to Him by Wani. Thanks babe. I hope things will come through too. I just have to remind myself that

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

So what if i have 7 chapters of cognitive and stats each by this fri cos i'll be having my first common test? And that im i/c of the dialogue publicity thingy. Haiz. But i will perservere. If it means sacrificing my sleep, then so be it. Because, i will not screw up my studies. I WILL NOT ALLOW IT. So i"ll try my darnest. And if i do badly, at least i tried.

alright, im outta here. got tonnes of stuff to do.

Gong Xi Fa Cai everyone!!!

Single as a slice of cheese and i'm relishing each moment.

Damn, I really like that simile. I think its really catchy. Anyway, felt compelled to type this post after doing my social psych readings on “close relationships” particularly this article “will you marriage last” by aviva parz. Man, after reading it, I reckon my future is BLEAK, in terms of “romantic” relationships. The article is based on a research conducted by Ted Huston, PhD. He carried out a longitudinal study on couples, tracing their relationships prior and throughout their marriage for 13 long years. This is one of the pioneer studies where psychologists strive to find the reason why people divorce. After all, in the States, divorce rates have been hovering around an astounding 50%!

Hudson found out that 1) many newlyweds are far from blissfully in love.
2) couples whose marriages began in romantic bliss are particularly divorce-prone cos such intensity is hard to maintain.
3) people in lackluster marriages might actually have a higher chance to remain married compared to their counterparts.
4) the lost of love and affection and not the emergence of interpersonal issues that sends couples journeying towards divorce.

In any case, so how does all this actually pertain to me? After all, I am single and have never been in a relationship and trust me, I do not see myself tying the knot (an amazing metaphor, if you think about it) anytime soon. So why do I feel a tad miserable upon reading the article? Because, I have a feeling that when I do meet that person, I will fall into the exact same predicament as divorcees, looking back and wondering WHY. But I know why and that’s the scary thing, I know why NOW. When I’m even barely 20.

I know my marriage or heck, even my first relationship will be doomed to failure because I have extremely high expectations. My ideal guy does not exist. And I know it. But I can’t help it. Perhaps I will be able to overlook certain peeves but eventually, when expectations fail and as the relationship gets longer, I reckon, like most of the couples mentioned in the article, I will be less accommodating. That’s where my resentment will come in and I’ll go “why cant he be like that” etc etc etc. and henceforth, the downward spiral till the eventual death of the relationship.

What’s more, I am one who craves acceptance and approval from people, especially, ESPECIALLY from my family aka my parents, 2 brothers and a sister. If I don’t get their approval for a guy, then bye- bye. You may say that when I’m in love the whole world fades away blab la bla. But that’s Hollywood baby. Being stubborn, I might overlook the disapprovals but EVENTUALLY, it would resonate in my ears and then one day, after say months into the relationship, then what? I’ll start questioning “did I make the right move? Was my family right?” or worse “I should have listened to them.”

Then there’s the bit about my ideal guy. Where on earth can such a guy exist? He who has to measure up to both my brothers and sister’s amazing achievements in life? He has to be equal or more than what my bros and sister can provide me with. And man, that’s gonna be tough. I need my daddy and mommy’s approval. Sadly, I have a feeling that nobody would be good enough for my daddy’s little girl. Even though my parents say that as long as I bring home a nice decent muslim……. come on, I know my dad. Comparisons are bound to occur. Even if they don’t, I will think it will and that my friend is what would be my downfall. MY OWN BLOODY EXPECTATION, masked under my parents’. Because beneath all that, I want him to be more than all my siblings combined. I want that.

What’s worse, considering that I’ve never had a relationship before, can you imagine what my expectations of a first relationship will be like? I have been telling myself that the special one will come. That’s its okay, I’ll be patient. Can you imagine how I’d feel if he isn’t so special after all? DISSAPOINTED. Can you imagine how hurt I would be? How discouraged? I blame Hollywood. I blame filmmakers who psycho you into believing all this fairy tale romantic notions.

But I suppose I cannot escape the inevitable. I will get hurt, I will be disappointed. And there’s nothing I can do. Because even though I have this knowledge, I know will fall into this already laid trap. And then, I suspect I will be gravely disillusioned, if I have not already.

Sighs.

addicted

And so, my friend was right. Ive become an internet junkie. Surfing mindlessly, even though i know im supposed to be doing something much more productive like STUDYING! BAh! Need to practice self control....need to stay away from laptop. Need to stay away from laptop. Need to stay away from laptop.

NEED TO STAY AWAY FROM LAPTOP

Wireless is up!

And finally, after weeks of waiting, my wireless system is fixed! Im in my room now, typing on my lap top! This is soooooo coooool.

Just came back from tuition. The kids are pretty bright. Heh, i even borrowed the P6 kid's science textbook to read. Man, when she asked me why this hinge thingy operates as a lever and not as a wheel and axle, i almost fainted! Thank goodness I managed to weave myself out of that. How the heck am I supposed to know?!! Man, i really gotta refresh my memory...and soon!

In any case, im beginning to wonder why some ppl dont want others to read their blog. I mean im sure both of you have your reasons, but i suppose i wont understand. I respect your wishes though. The link is gone ya? Hope you guys feel better now.

CNY is coming and i bloody cannot wait. I soooo need the time to catch up on my readings. Heh, i have no excuse not to catch up! I"ll have sat, sun, mon, tues, wed and thu to MUG.

Jeannie invited me to this steamboat thingy at her place. Looking forward to it....
More about the class outing yesterday. We went to celebrate ms goh"s birthday albeit belated. Grace, nirwan,melinda,cheryl,jeannie,amy,ian, ms goh and me. It was nice to catch up and chat with em. Poking fun at Ian. I want him to buy me a car!!!!!! hahah as if.

Apparently, 02a52 and 51 were also ard town yesterday! It was like "nostalgia"/ reunion day or smt! I hadnt seen Nab for soooo long although ironically, she lives in the block behind mine.
Bumped into ppl like Santhya and Kartini also. It was good to see familiar faces from the past.

Bought myself a Harry Potter book. The order of the Phoenix for can you believe it?? $7.95! Unbelievable. I wonder what im gonna do with it now. I mean ive read the book already. Ah well, i"ll just keep it somewhere till im bored. Bored? as if i"ll have the time to be bored.

and thanks sean, for the card. no one send e-cards nowadays. It was a nice surprise!

And cheryl lee is Boo! ;0

And so.....

Its been a while since i could get myself typing. I think im cracking. My head's not exploding but its developing hair line cracks. But im optimistic. I take back all the bad things i said about my subcom. I like them. I think their trustworthy. I think i'd be shattered to pieced without them.
Ive also kinda learnt to work on my own. Ive been depending too much on zhisheng. Heh, i read his blog and well, i wasnt glad to see that he thinks that im one who needs weaning. Perhaps i do. In fact, i guess i am like that. But at least im cutting it back.

Im not gonna talk abt my swaps stuff yet. Finished typing out emails to ppl...im sick of typing the same thing.

Im glad i have friends outside swaps. Its not that i dont appreciate them. I love them all. Without them, my uni days would be immensely empty. But recently, i find myself wondering....how come i dread going to the table? know why? cos i"ll constantly be reminded of work. swaps work. did you know i was so afraid to switch my pc on a few days back? that i was glad my comp hang and the connection was bad? that i rarely go on msn? i was running. i was escaping my responsibilities. i was a coward. but, at least i managed to take myself out of the wreck-ed stressed mess i was. I took a step back and begun prioritising...and im glad i did...things are looking up for me. Little things dont bother me anymore. I tell myself, if i can survive this, i will be prepared for life. LIFE. And of course, ive realised, i shouldnt be afraid to say im stressed. i was so sacred to admit it cos i was so afraid that people would compare their workload and commitments to mine and scoff. ive learnt that i am i. and they are they.

Im also glad i went for the 02a53 outing today. It was refreshing. I needed it. Yes, i was entitled to it.

till next time, i have 6 hrs to sleep cos ive gotta wake up early for tuition tmr.(yes, farah is employed!!! thanks joanne sime!)

or maybe im just selfish. i dont know anymore.

Last weekend,I learnt that its okay to admit i cant handle things as well as others. Thats why i will let some things go.

what is stress? its when your head feels like exploding but everyone else around you dont seem to notice. BAH.

WHERE ARE THEY!!!!!!!?????????

where the hell are my subcom members? Grrrrrrrrrrrssssss...they're 20 minutes late. HOW RUDE LA. gosh, you think im so free ah?

Breathe farah breathe.
sudahlah. dah malas. See im so angry im spouting malay words! WHERE ARE THEY!!!????????????????????????????????????

WHERE??????????????????????????????????????????

Im not in the mood to type anymore.

sighs.

Sappy songs...urgh

and then....

My dad is coming in half an hours time to pick me up (surprise surprise). So much for wanting to do work. I will start tonight then. I hope.

School is getting to me...

Indeed i think it has. But i've expected it to happen already. I knew from the start of this sem that school will be more stressful than last sem. Everyone probably knows they have to buck the heck up to improve their grades and all. People have begun mugging. I havent. I have no idea what's wrong with me. I have to buck up. It doesnt help that Im surrounded with people who's CAP are way above average yet are ungratefully whinning, saying it isnt good enough. Sod off. Nothings good enough for you people is it? I got what i got and heck im happy but each time i hear one of you ppl lament about how you didnt do well [but HAH! you got an A], you make me feel worse okay. So stop that. Sheesh. To think some of them arent even aware that they"re whining. But im not gonna let you off. I will tell it to your face to shuddup if any of you do that again. I mean i love you guys and thank you for somewhat subconsciously making me push myself harder but you really gotta know when to sod it and shut the heck up. Nobody likes a boast-er.

Also, i have finally found my direction in swaps. Ive had meetings with a couple of lecturers and im gaining confidence. Yes, i was absoultely lost when i came into office last sem but heck, im finally getting it. We have big plans indeed. Big plans that i hope would materialise. First up, im i/c of organising this dialogue thing for students, involving working social workers and psychologists. In a way this would overlap with the job fair and give students an insight to the possible avenues they can take upon graduation. I"ll be liasing with organizations/individuals from SASW/SPS so that would be a mega huge experience for me. In fact, im hoping that my big plans to conduct a forum involving Vivian balakrishnan at the end of this year happens. Its not a long shot...i just need to start planning now for next sem. My partner, shaun, is handling the internship stuff and social services awareness programme. I hope that my term in swaps would be fruitful. I want to do a good job. Im gonna make sure my successors have a distinct idea of what the acads cell does. History will not repeat itself. or at least i hope. [no offence to my predeccessors, of course]

That aside, im also gonna be handling the FOC publicity. Came up with a title for the camp and eugene okay-ed it but im trying to come up with more innovative ones. Its like advertising. Again, the invaluable experience. Im not sure whether im going to france anymore. Chin yong says its a waste of money. He went and said it was boring. So now im only 30% sure im going. Besides, if i leave, i"ll have to leave my pubs work to someone i trust. Ive suggested cheryl and melinda. I know they"ll do a good job but im also sure they"ll have plans for the hols themselves. Either way, im sure it wouldnt be a big problem. I can plan everything before i leave, should i choose to go.

Alright, tomorrow's hari raya haji. I dont really think ppl say "selamat hari raya" but oh well, SELAMAT HARI RAYA!
Too bad the whole family wont be around. My brother's still in Aceh. Have i mentioned how so immensely proud i am of him?

Okay, im gonna go mug now. In central library now. I'm gonna try and salvage as much time i have before i head home to the 'festivities' (great, my dad just called and he wants me back home early.) and get side-tracked. I'm already way behind in my readings. I need to catch up before tutorial commences.

Alright, I'm out of here!

I LOVE FORTUNE COOKIES!!!!!! mmmmmmmmmmmmm..yummy!

Singapore won!!!!!!!!

Woohoo! The tiger cup is ours! After years of dissapointment, my faith in the local soccer team has been restored! Well done Lions, well done. It was a good game indeed.

more ramblings

Butt cracks. Hands up to those of you who have been victims of butt cracks flashers! Sheesh, really, what are those girls wearing ultra low hipster thinking? I was minding my business on the bus when this girl had to stand near where i was sitting. And there it was in it's full glory, like a ridge in a valley. Gross. Wonder what she'll do if a lizard drops in there. Serves her right!

Foolish me came to school early this morning cos i thought social psych lecture starts at 10am on thursdays. It was suppose to start at 12. I even left the house before 8.30am so i wouldn't be late. Indeed i wasnt. And i dont get it. The lect wasnt boring what.

Feeling the stress of school. Especially because of the french classes so far. I am really lagging behind. I've completely forgotten last semester's work. Worse, i dont like my classmates. I mean, i dont like the new ones. They're so stuck up. Cant you smile back when youre smiled at? And minahs, WHY the MINAHS?? argh.

Oh no, me and pema and kenneth wont be having the same tutorial. Our time table wont allow it.

I think i am going to france after all. At least im 70% sure.

3 in one

10th January 2005.
Whoa. Just came back from jogging. Ran all the way to pasir ris mrt, which isn’t far really. It was a satisfying nonetheless! This is an excellent start to my new exercise plan! I’m going jogging with Farhana twice a week! She’s optimistic about my plan to jog to pasir ris and back home. It was a nice night jog. We started at 7.30pm and ended up coming home at 9.30pm. We walked all the way to pasir ris park then we sat by the beach and chit-chat before walking all the way home. We decided that that will never happen again once school kicks in. It’ll be chop chop go, chop chop come back..

Just received the full details of the immersion program in france. The itinerary looks great. We’ll be going to this place called Montpeillier, which is at the South of France, near the Mediterranean coast. It will be an intensive French language crash course for 3 weeks. We’ll be staying at homes, locals would take us in and we’ll be given a tour of the attractions. Nice way to spend my May/June vacation huh. Yeah. But it comes with a hefty price tag: $3900. Where on earth am I going to find that money? Can you imagine what one can do with so much money? I suppose it would be worth it to even go to Europe at that price given the length of stay. But $4K!!! I was also looking forward to attending a YEP especially if I could help the tsunami hit areas. Both experiences would be priceless. Also, I’ve always wanted to bagpack across Malaysia and visit all her islands before moving on to Thailand but I know I can do that in subsequent years.
But if I go, my lifesavings would be gone. Or at least I would be living on a tight budget henceforth. Then I’ve got to think of all the loans I’d have to pay. Hmm. But I can worry about that later right? I’m still deciding. I know my parents would tell me not to go. Oh well, at least I have until February before collection of deposits start.

We”ll see.



10th Janauary 2005
Racism. Who would have believed that it exists in our very society? I didn’t. At least in my 19 years of existence, I’ve never been a victim of it. Sure, my minority friends did complain sometimes but I was always led to believe that perhaps the incidents were purely accidental/coincidental/unintentional and that they were blowing things out of proportion, that their insecurities played up and manifested themselves in their shortly jumped to deductions of whatever it is unfavourble that had happened to them.

God, I am thankful that living in Singapore has given me the opportunity to mix with people of so many races. My best friends are Chinese, Indians and Malay. I pride on the fact and am truly honoured that my lineage comprises of all these races as well and more. That’s why when people ask me what I am, I’d simply say “I’m human”.
One day, about a year ago, my uncle’s friend or relative or whatever, an arab man, asked me if I saw myself as arab or Pakistani? My mom’s arab and my dad’s half Chinese and half Pakistani. I didn’t know what to say. He made me pick but I decided to say, “I’m Singaporean” I was born and bred here. Why should I feel any affiliation to any other country but s’pore? While I’m at it, how can I feel any close affiliation to one particular race at all when nothing about me makes me a pure arab, a pure Pakistani, a pure Chinese etc etc etc. I am everything but neither. But I am a pure Singaporean.

I naturally assumed a lot of people would see me as that as well. In fact, I dared venture to believe that with so many mixed marriages around, people would finally be able to assimilate themselves and form one common identity, race, religion and language aside. Perhaps one day, being a Singaporean would not only be a form of nationality but a race in its own right. What constitutes a race anyway? But a group of people with similar background? upbringing? DNA? I believe we’re all brothers and sisters if we truly trace out lineage back. Ah well, this vision I have would be an arduously slow process. Indeed.

Racism can take on many forms. As mentioned, I’ve never encountered it in school. Perhaps that’s because I spoke English from the start. I found it easy to mingle with everyone since the medium in schools was English. It was convenient. I forged many close friendships. Language was never a barrier. Even till today, some of my friends say that they’ve never really had a close friend of another race till they met me. While a part of me felt selfishly like gloating, a part of me felt disbelief. How can that possibly true? Was it the language barrier that prevented friendships and understanding to happen? Or do birds of a feather really flock together? I am more inclined to believe the former. I hope.

Now before you think I could be a hypocrite, I must admit that I highly doubt that I’m totally free from prejudice. Nonetheless, to least of my knowledge, I have not consciously maligned somebody because of his race. So when I was discriminated, I felt pissed off really. I couldn’t believe my ears. As all of you know, I’m still seeking a job. As a scrutinized the “recruit” page of the papers, I was horrified. How on earth will I find a job? Most of them required mandarin speakers. Fine, perhaps the job really requires one to communicate using mandarin but come on! Some of the jobs definitely do not require mandarin speakers la. It was a case of using that requirement as a euphemism. In any case, I’m going to make it a point to learn mandarin officially by the time I graduate. At least only then would I be able to make an informed deduction of such practice. That aside, what truly truly horrified me was that tuition agencies turned me down on the spot on finding out that I wasn’t of a particular race. After telling her my name, which by the way can be an English name as well, she asked “so your mother tongue is malay?” To which I replied yes. Then she said she”ll get back to me. Funny, she didn’t ask what subjects nor level I wanted to teach. One didn’t even bother to take my phone number down. Another lady even explained to me that parents are very fussy and would prefer tutors of the same race. I was stupefied. How shallow can people be? What has tutoring got to do with race? Huh? What about meritocracy and judging a person by his competence?

Another interesting bit as well happened last semester. As part of our module’s research program experiment, I had to find a friend of the same race as I before I could participate in the experiment. Its actually one of the requirements. Boy, I had difficulty as usual but eventually I found someone. The experiment was about how your heart rate reacts to various tasks and how the presence of a friend would affect your performance. So I wondered, where does the race element come in? Why would it be necessary for me to find a friend of the same race when any of my friends could do the same task of motivating me etc. I asked the experimenter and she told me, that in her knowledge, participants are more comfortable with people of their own race. Really?

Many unanswered questions linger in my head. Maybe I was too idealistic. Maybe it is true. Whatever it is, I’m just glad that the magnitude of racism here in Singapore is significantly nothing in comparison to other countries in the world. However, the painful realization that beneath the veneer of harmony and peace among the races, discrimination still rears its ugly head. But I believe. I believe these tiny bumps can be leveled. One day. One day. For now, I’m just glad to be able to make friends freely with anyone. And I’m truly blessed who have friends who either overlook or accommodate each others’ differences. And when I do have kids, I will make sure they mingle with everyone else too. We are all brethrens. Amen.





8th January 2005.
Well, it’s the 8th January 2005 and Im typing this now so that once I get to school, I can just copy and paste this entry on the blog. Well, a lot has happened over the holidays huh? I think it has been one of the more eventful December breaks I’ve had. I mean I went out more than ever before. Shopped till my ankles ached…went overseas, went to 2 camps, had a successful class outing, went out here, there, everywhere.. Basically a fruitful vacation. Even read two books :)

So I resented this amazingly irritating comment this arse of a person made when he said “you guys need to go out more” Honestly, what l gives you the right to say that? He said that with such condescension. Not a trace of jest in his tone. He was being an utter asshole really. Bah. He thought I didn’t get his other sarcastic comments. Darling, don’t think you comments flew over my head as they did over the rest. Who are you kidding? You’re talking about me here. I can be a megabitch if I want to but that’s not the point. He was completely antagonistic throughout the dinner we had. The funny thing is, we didn’t invite you. So piss off if you don’t enjoy our company. And its only polite to laugh at jokes whether its funny or not. And how dare you ask us to “step it up” when it comes to jokes and all when your idea of “stepping up” is actually a major degeneration of intellect to crude and lowly jokes, HUH? Go fly kite. (its amazing how successful my self-restrain is working out. Profanities has been minimal thus far)

I really wished I had told him off on the spot but my god, I am proud of my self control. It would have gotten really ugly if I did cos he would probably act all defensive and to sum it up, the matter would just be worse considering he’s the sort who would argue on and on until he wins and face it, I suck at arguing and I hate to lose nonetheless. Walking away was the best option.
You know, I kept telling myself that perhaps I was being over-sensitive or that he could be tired or worse drunk but for god’s sake, is that a reasonable excuse for his behaviou? I told my friend about what happened, abt the guy and his comments and asked her if its only me cos the rest of them didn’t seem to notice. Well, she kinda said that if what I observed was right then the arse deserved my cold shoulder treatment. Poor sod, I used to think he was a nice guy. Not anymore. If there was anything I felt that night, it wasn’t anger. It was disappointment.

Bah, its all over now. But boy, does it feel good to just let it out. Heck, must I justify myself? This is MY BLOG. I deserve the right to bitch and whine! So there!

Just had lunch with Kenneth this morning. Pema overslept! Hey dude, you look good with your hair coloured and all! ;) Its nice to catch up with friends!
Im pretty sad that I didn’t really have enough time to go out with my friends from sec school…gosh, I think im drifting apart frm them. Sigh…maybe in the near future ya?

Met up with this guy I know from JC. My goodness, NS really does something to guys huh? Well, at least some of them. This guy used to be this tall, lanky, geeky person and when I saw him, it was like whoa…he was kinda hunky! Hahah…but when he opened his mouth to talk to me then.. cheh.

I suppose by the time I actually post this up, it would be the first day of school. First lect would be sociology lecture…was flipping thru the textbook and well, oh boy, I really hope I”ll fall in love with the subject .and soon. Hahah…
Okay, for those who might want to check out my time table for whatever reason, I”ll be putting up one as soon as the tutorials are up.

Ah, the new semester. A new beginning. Im gonna be a super mugger. Oh and im also going on a high-keratin diet since my eyesight is deterioting at a frightening rate. Speaking of which, im gonna be wearing specs to school from now on too, Heh, maybe the specs would make me feel smarter and BE smarter.

I have a feeling this sem would require me manage my time real well since I have to balance school work and SWAPS stuff. I might be i/c of publicity and recruitment for FOC. I haven really agreed to it but I think the experience would be worth it. I don’t know. Will I be digging my own shit hole? I don’t know.

But you know what, im really glad that there aren’t any eye-candies. Haha, yes I remember that I used to say that eye-candies are necessary motivations for one to get to school but really, im glad there aren’t any distractions in NUS. Also, Im just sick and tired of having unnecessary crushes in school. Its really tiring and pointless cos it’s a vicious cycle. I always fall for the unattainable people. Im so sick of it. And tired. Really tired. Besides, im loving things as they’ve been! Haha…I don’t feel like im missing out on anything at all!

Channel ‘i’ has ceased to exist. So channel 5 is monopolizing the English shows. Darn it, now I cant channel surf and watch Law and Order on Sunday nights. And the only other channel I can watch is central or CNA. Oh well, all the more reasons not to watch TV. I suppose once Charmed ends, I wouldn’t have anything to watch. unless I actually consider following My Fair Princess 3 on channel 8 even though the entire cast is different. Ah well, we”ll see.

Note to self: Stop spending money like you own $400++ bucks a month anymore now that you don’t anymore. I need income. Anybody wants tuition?
Ooh, im getting wireless fixed in my house!!!!!!!

grr...why, WHY cant i blog from home? huh? why?

Happy New Year!!

My first post for the new year :).
Im in school now, in the library. Th city of hongkong university students were here so we had to bring them around and all. They're still at it right now actually but i decided to give it a pass cos im feeling nauseous(how do you spell it?) I suppose its cos of the combination of bad weather, something i ate for breakfast, a possible lack of sleep cinsidering i had to wake up early this morn and of course, the cors bidding. So im just gonna chill in my little corner of the library for now.

2005. What awaits me? I have no idea! In fact, i didnt really usher in the new year like the previous years...there wasnt a family party this year. We just went for dinner. No exchange of presents and goodies and all. I suppose that's cos one of my brother's in Aceh now...he's helping the victims of the tsunami. Im immensely proud of him! Heck, during the countdown, i was in the shower so haha, ive been showering since last year! Geddit? geddit? Oh nevermind!

So new years' eve was spent with cheryl (coincidentally, we spent new years eve the previous yr too). And then dinner with the family.
There wasnt a countdown this year or at least they didnt televised it on TV thank goodness. Sensitivity prevailed after all!

New years day was different this year. Usually id just slob ard at home but this year, i woke up early and headed to adeline's place for breakfast. A successful class outing considering its 02a53! 12 people turned up! All the guys turned up! It was nice seeing everyone again. My sincere apologies to ave, susian and huiboon for not contacting you guys. I had no idea boon and sus were back in singapore. Super sorry.

I dont really have a new years' resolution this year...at least not as detailed as the previous years. This year, my resolution is to keep last years' resolution. Ooh, and not to be late, and to be a nicer person, and to be more pious, and to mug really really hard! And to bloody lose that 5 KG im suppose to shed like years ago. And not to eat fast food. heh, thats quite a list huh?

Alright, Happy 2005 to everyone! Hope this year will bring peace, harmony, happiness and all good things to evryone!

God bless! And stay tuned to more of Farah's life's gripes here in the future!

Back from a wonderful camp!!!

thank god i live in singapore...thank god im back in singapore...will explain later..when i can blog frm home...

Alhamdulillah! Thank you thank you thank you Allah!!!!!!!

Paying it forward...a nice concept.

i love technology!

Yes, so i may be hypocritical but honestly, sometimes i do love technology.....especially the internet! It makes the world a smaller place really! Im currently chatting with my aunt and cousin in NOrway while chatting with a friend from KL. Man, i havent spoken to my aunt and cousin in ages so this is really easy for me to wish them a merry christmas!

Just got back from the two parties. Cant believed i squeezed into my sister's sandals..my feet hurts now!

random thoughts

So im in school right now. Yup. in the central library, passing time by while i wait for justina to meet up with me to get shaun goh's prezzie. Finally cleared up the SWAPS store with xiaoyan and justina yesterday. So i came back to school to finish what was left undone...to stick the inventory list up. That kinda reminded me abt the NP store that i used to do lists for too..cant believe we actually counted the number of buttons and badges!


Anyway, i kinda pissed gene off yest. I think, one of farah's new year resolution would be to stop playing pranks on people. Like what my friend sean says, pranks has its pros and cons. I suppose the pro would be the kick you get while the con could be the lost of trust people have in you. Yes, gene, i remember the story of the boy who cried wolf. Im really sorry! One day, we would just look back at this and laugh right?

Had a weird dream this morning. Brad pitt and George clooney made cameo appearences. Ahhh...but it was during some kind of war or smt...oh well!

watched oceans 12 on monday so maybe thats why. anyway, i think steven sodenberg(how do you spell it) tried too hard to make his movie clever this time...it turned out to be a mess really. But hey, at least the movie was entertaining!

Have two parties to attend tmr..Shaun goh and shareena. Havent seen shareena for quite some time and lynn is going for her party so haha the Iras peeps can catch up!
Pema will be back tmr! Ya...okay....my fingers are numb..cant believe how cold the library is right now..

My friend took the liberty of telling me that my posterior has grown bigger. Damn. I need to exercise. Adeline!! wheres our badminton game??? And i STILL havent jogged in eons!!!!!! Sighs!

Results will be out soon i think... on boxing day. Hmm. Hmm indeed.

Anyway, im leaving this post with an excerpt from my fav xmas song (apart from Wham's "last christmas")..hey, even tho i dont celebrate it, i can enjoy it right? besides, it doesnt have any religious connotation to it...its called "my grown up christmas list"...i heard it like last yr and felt, well, i cried lah ok? just look at the lyrics!! so sad! It's originally by amy grant but ive only heard buble's version....the lyrics might seem really familiar cos this writer from Life was going on abt why he likes the song too...

Grown-up Christmas List
"Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasy
Now Im all grown up now
Can you still help somehow
Im not a child but my heart still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown up xmas list
NOt for myself but for a world in need

*No more lives torn apart
That wars wont even start
and time will heal all hearts
Everyman would have a friend
That right will always win
And love will never end....
THis is my grown up xmas list

What is this thing called?
The innocence of youth?
Maybe only in this blind belief
Can we ever find the truth...

(Chorus)"

Back from Langkawi!!!!!!!

Haha, yeps, i got back late thu night so you can consider it friday...and i was so reluctant to get back to reality so thats why i didnt bother switching on my hp and blogging for days. The time i spent away from technology was blissful.
The trip was fabulous. I went parasailing and snorkling. Made a new friend along the way, discovered teens from malaysia are exactly like teens anywhere in the world. Took a train through the whole west coast of malaysia. From singapore all the way to perlis. So haha i traversed the whole of malaysia by train!

A bit sad to be back but hey, theres nothing like home..esp the toilets! man, the train toilets were tiny!..and i even had to pee in complete darkness one night...well, the only light was emanating from my watch!

Langkawi is so beautiful. the weather was perfect. Too bad i didnt have enough money to stay longer cos theres much more to explore!

Went shopping with my mom yesterday. I think we kinda regressed to our childhood cos there we were, standing at the railings at centrepoint, watching mojo jojo trying to steal xmas from the powerpuff girls. i guess my mom is trying to make it up to me. I never got the chance to be one of those kids whose parents would dutifyully sit with em at the mall and watch kiddy shows. haha. we enjoyed ourselves. We even managed to catch taufik and sylvester live at some starhub roadshow. At least we're satisfied that we got to at least see em perform live once. Oh, and haha, my mom caught something taufik threw in the crowd. Ive never seen my mom move so fast. okay, besides the fact that there were times i saw her swwoping and diving for something...to grab seats on the mrt! I love my mom!

Finally, ive got myself a digital camera! Long story but farah is getting tech savvy by the day! I finally understand the difference btw a 3.2 and 5.0 Megapixel camera and stuff. Kudos to me.

okay, ive got stuff to do i think...but grr...im too lazy to move..bah, its the holidays! I deserve to be a slob!

as i was saying

oh forget it...i'll blog next time!

Back from Sentosa!

And yes, i think im losing my voice. Why is it everytime i visit sentosa, it rains? huh? WHY? urgh.

It was a nice 3 days tho. I never really thought it was possible to carry out fruitful meetings on sentosa. heh, i finnally found my direction. As in, since i havent been attending meetings cos of the fasting month, ive been rather lost but im kinda on track now. At least now i know what i have to do. Im gonna be having the sub com meeting tmr.Then after i come back from lang

Taufik won!!! Yay!

Yay...Its the HOLIDAYS!

Hey..I'm so thrilled I can blog from home!! Finally! There's so many things I want to type in. Was gonna start blabbing about the exams i had but since its OVER, i shall not bother about it! Whatever happens, happens.

Went for a movie with pema yesterday. Watched Bridget Jones diary. Hilarious! Haha, gives hope to non "skinny people who still require slimming pills cos they think without it they'd grow fat and die ugly". Haha. I mean really, it just gets to me when you see a naturally lean celebrity endorsing slimming supplements. Oh puhlease! Get Lydia Sum to lose weight using your supplements or smt and then it'd be at least credible! In any case, i believe in pure exercise and a healthy diet. Pish.As if i do that. Still, at least I know that that's the proper and ideal way to do it.

I need to start exercising again. Feel like a slob lately. Havent had a run since before the fasting month. Oh gosh, the inertia to start again!!! Argh.

Speaking of which, I think ive pretty much outgrown the jalan hari raya phase. I mean, really, I dont know why, but everytime i see a big group of people dressed in their baju kurungs and heavy make-up, i cringe. Such attention seeking. I mean come on la...why so much make up??? And some as young as like what?? 9 years old? Am i being hypocritcal? Yes, its fun, i know...to be able to get all ya-ya with your friends..and it gives you a valid reason to check your friends place out...homes tell a lot about people. I mean they grow up in there......then there's the money issue. Ok, look, yes yes, it is customary to give out green packets to unmarried and unworking people...but seriously, i think its ridiculous to accept green packets from your friends' parents! They dont even know you! What difference would a couple of bucks be to a 19 yr old? I mean sure, the kids would be thrilled but i think its embarrassing to see a bunch of 19-20++ yr olds lining up to accept the token. I mean you go to a persons house, enjoy his/her hospitality and get paid for what exactly? hmm? So im reluctant. Thank goodness i had exams as a polite means of declining certain invitations. Open houses and parties are okay. Just dont give me the green packets! I come solely to chill and well most importantly to see my friends at their most comfortable- in their homes. Now, Im not saying everyone who goes jalan raya are like that but some of them are. They go out in a big group and serbu (attack) one of their friends homes...some of them in the group arent even the person's friends! like what the!!!
Anyway, thats why i prefer the open house concept. Have a party. Get your friends together on the same day. And have fun!!!!!!

Singapore idol is this wednesday. VOTE Taufik!!!!!!!! Cos honestly he's talented isnt he? I mean he's definitely better at representing singapore than the other fellow..Slyvester(sounds like salivester...btw, his name is supposed to be spelled sylvester..not that his fans care to take notice). Okay, not gonna dive into this idol fever crap. Just vote Taufik will ya? If youre willing to pay 0.50 cents la. Btw, if taufik makes it big and if i ever see him on the streets or smt, the first thing i'd say to him is "Oi, when are you gonna pay my family $5 back??". haha.

Gonna be a busy december. Incidentally, i might be going to sentosa like 3/4 times! I mean really, why sentosa? Ah well, singapore's a tad tiny to go anywhere anyway. Im going Langkawi with my bro! We're gonna do it the amazing race style....get the tix and stuff on the spot! haha..looking forward to that.

I need beach wear. I need a bag. I need a dress. I need shades. I need to go SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love the holidays......dont you?

Okay, since this blog-from-home thing is highly unpredictable, the next time i blog might be the next time im in school. As such, HAPPY NEW YEAR evreyone!!

Exams are over!!!!!

Mental Constipation...(copyright)

Let the mugging begin

Indeed! Im in school now, finally getting started on E lang. Strangely, I actually enjoy reading the text!

Tiring day indeed yest....but I had fun! 26 ppl turned up! People i never even expected to come like Norman!!! Haha..he actually reads my blog! 26 people managed to squeeze into my humble home. It was kinda stuffy so i apologise to all those who had to perspire and worse, who didnt get to seat for long!!!

Video-cam(ed) the whole affair..I'll be editing and making it into a VCD soon;that is, once i figure out how to!

Once again, Thanks to all those who turned up! Really appreciated that I didnt end up like the little boy in the psych video...the one where nobody turned up for his birthday party!
And thanks for the Ferraro Rochers.(I have 6 boxes of it now, heh, one for each member of my family)

Mug!!!!!!!!!!1

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri!

C'est Finis

Indeed, it's over. Whoosh, one semester of french, gone with the wind. I just had my final oral just now..and well, yesterday was the last french lecture. We had a test and then we played a game. It was a nice ending to a nice module with nice classmates and nice teachers. Nice. I mean we see each other twice, sometimes 3 times a week! We gave yannick the markers after all! And he's no longer teaching in NUS from next semester. In any case, the few of us who'll be continuing with french are plotting to join the same lecture next semester!

Whooshh...again. Time flies. A week left before the onset of the FINALs. THE finals. So i suppose i wont be typing in any time soon cos its officially the reading week and i wont need to come to school. Even if i do, i think bringing a lap top would do me no good.

Okie, so in any case, SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI! Maaf zahir batin (that translates to :forgive me if ive offended any of you in the past yr)

Good luck to everyone out there!

PS: me and pema gonna celebrate now...shopping or movie..hmmm...what? we deserve it! we've mugged hard!

Inspiration-less

I mean really, I thought I'd be able to type something out. I mean i havent typed in in a while and quite a lot has happened i think....i think....i think.....i think i need to eat gingko tablets. I cant seem to recall....

Okay, for one, i had my maiden drive last night. Aba finally gave me the P plate and fixed it on the car. Whoa...it was just like i dreamed the moment to be....A nice relaxing drive, with the stereo playing my Michael Buble CD....cruising down the expressway....ahhhh.....
I must say, driving an automatic car is super easy! Anybody can drive! Anybody with a $1300++ license to drive that is! Haha..speaking of license, can you imagine how efficient Singapore is? I mean, i received my real, permenant license via registered mail yesterday! Yesterday!!! When i just passed on monday!!!!!

Anyway, I still havent gotten my Hari raya baju...should i even get one? My mom already gave me the money but seriously, its not like im miserly or anything but I think its a waste of money. I hardly use the baju kurungs i bought in the last few years..and since im not gonna go jalan raya with my friends this yr cos of exams...and that i only have a few relatives to visit, why should i buy a >50 dollars 'traditional' baju (which has nothing to do with my tradition..whatever that is..im still trying to figure out if i have one)....i might as well buy clothes to wear to school right??? or that black dress i saw in Metro....ahh...

Im feeling pretty jaded now...perhaps that's cos i woke up late and that morning laziness has yet to be purged from my system...WAKE UP FARAH! It's 1.40pm!!!!

Im having a hari raya lunch thingy on the 15th and i know this is gonna sound craazyyyy...but there's 50 people on my list! Crap. I mean I thought i invited my SWAPS and VJ friends and stuff....and i didnt expect to have that huge a number. I hope they'll be able to squeeze into my place..and that Umi can cook enough food....

okay, 13 days to go. I better start studying...LIKE NOW.

I PASSED MY DRIVING!!!!!!!!

okay, ive actually typed out a nice entry about this...so i shall paste it up when i bring my laptop to school...

so here it is:
I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST-an edited excerpt from Farah’s personal diary

You bet I did! Its raining heavily now but I’m still so thrilled. It’s been raining since I left for the test centre. By then, grey clouds were hovering threateningly over me. And when it finally showered, I thought to myself “God really doesn’t want me to pass”. The visibility was pretty bad too! But thank god (alhamdulilllah) that when it came to the actual test time, the rain trickled to a drizzle and stopped eventually. I got Route 7-the hardest route. Difficult route + bad weather = Bad luck….or so I thought. But in Cheryl’s words, it turned out to be “a blessing in disguise”. The tester modified the route as he claimed that the original route would be jammed. So, with only 10 points, ladies and gentlemen, Farah passed her driving! After the whole test, (which seemed to pass by so fast), I got back my marksheet and then proceeded to this room to watch some video on road safety. While waiting for the video to air, I started calling and messaging almost everyone! What can I say? I just needed to gush and celebrate with people! I deserved it. Thanks a million Cheryl for remembering and for psyching me up for the test!

I gave my driving instructor (uncle) a box of hari raya cookies to thank him. (Thank god I was fasting or he would have cornered my into treating him to lunch…eeeyew…). Before we parted, he said to me “Drive carefully and slowly ah….young girl like you..must take care”…For a tiny-whiny moment, I felt the soft mush one usually feels when you have to part from someone who saw you through some ordeal…and well, come on, he taught me for nearly 11 months..then the moment vanished. I’ll never see my quirky ci-ko-pek of a driving instructor again! Haha….It’s also weird that “my boyfriend” (the driving instructor’s pathetic attempt to matchmake me with another one of his student learners) called him to ask if I passed. One heck of a strange relationship. I’ve only seen the bugger once.

Came home and was still high and absolutely thrilled. Showed the slip of paper to my dad and bro..who were waiting for me to break the news….Now that driving’s over and tuition’s ended (Rena did abysmally for her finals but she’s contented so oh well…I did my best for her anyway), I have no excuse not to focus….19 days more!!!!!!!!

I CAN DO IT!!!

I got back my psych test results yesterday! Im so so so so happy. ;) I was super high the whole day...then the french paper came back...and Farah was high no more. Ah well! C'est la vie!

French lecturer was pretty irritated yesterday. Was complaining about the admin system in NUS and about how NUS wont pay him till a few months later...and how he had to buy his own markers...so I thought of a very gd idea..since our last lesson's coming soon, haha as a joke, I propose buying him a bunch of markers. I toldd kenneth about it..he thinks its funny! HAHA..

la la la...half an hr more to RP.

Resistance is futile

Just finished my psych lecture. A pretty interesting one, i must say. It dealt with motivation and emotion, and how some people get anorexic and stuff. There was this one thing Dr Cha said that was so hilarious I had to put it as my title today...you see, there is something called the weight set point. Basically, its this equilibrium thingy in your body that controls your metabolic rate. So below this wight set point, your metabolic rate would decrease, vice-versa...which is why dieting never works. Anyway, so what determines the weight set point? its the no of fat cells in your body. So when you were a child, whenever you increased weight, the no of fat cells increase..all the way till youre 2 yrs old. Thats when the weight set point's determine....so, Dr Cha said smt like "so to all the ladies who wanna lose somemore weight, resistance is futile"....

Hahahhaha.......and i went damn. So fat babies shall remain fat babies!

anyway, yesterday, i was on the bus...293 on the way home at about 4.20. I couldnt understand the bus driver.Like wassup man! You see, these two really old folks got up the bus. Its really amazing that they managed to get to their seats in the first place...such fragile looking people. They didnt pay for their trip and after a while, the stern looking bus driver rudely asked "Lu belum bayar ah?" (you havent paid) So the old indian lady muttered to her husband and both began searching for change in their purses. oh no...they didnt have enough. All this while, as i looked on, i noticed this malay lady taking her purse and digging for money too...then she made her way to the front and placed some change in the old lady's hand. All this while, the bus driver casted furtive glances from the rear view window..and worse, he looked angry that the malay lady helped out! Like what the!! Wierd bus driver on a power trip I suppose. I mean, give the old folks a break will ya??

Red Monday

So im wearing red. Couldnt come up with a better title. I've just finished my only lesson of the day.Im supposed to send my handphone for repair but somehow, i just cant seem to get my butt un-glued to the bench. A little while more then.....

Handed up the research paper. Oh dear, i should not have read other people's titles. Im so gonna score shitly for this paper. ah well. Got back my museum report.The lowest in class was a B+....so yup. Should i be happy? :)

Random thought of the day: WHY why cant women wearing skirts be mindful of their sitting decorum? I mean like hello, i dont wanna see your panties!

Anyway, yest was the last episode of Mists of Avalon. So that leaves me with Witchblade(still trying to figure out the show) and Gilmore Girls as my weekend entertainment. Oh, and law and order of course.

I love gilmore girls. I mean, its a fantastic show. I practically grew up watching it. When Rory had her final exams, so did I. When rory worried about which university to pick, so did I. When rory had her vacation, so did I. When rory went to university, so did I. I supose in a way, She represents an ideal role modern for gals my age. She's brilliant, independant, pretty, has a understanding and totally cool mom, she had a gorgeous boyfriend who still loves her. Like whoa.

Okay, enough...ive really gotta go home now!

IVE FINISHED MY Southeast Asia TERM PAPER!!!!!!

Personality Disorder Test results! HAHA...

Please remember that this test isn't meant to diagnose you. Only a professional can do that. Below are your test results, broken down for the ten different personality disorders. You are rated "low," "moderate," "high," or "very high" probability for each disorder. Low or moderate ratings mean that you are unlikely to have the disorder. High or very high means you are more likely to have the disorder. Only a professional can diagnose a disorder, however. Scroll down past the results for recommended books that might help you.


Disorder Rating
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: Low

URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/disorder_information2.html


Paranoid
Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships with others. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant to others. They usually shift blame to others and tend to carry long grudges.

Schizoid
People with schizoid personality disorder avoid relationships and do not show much emotion. They genuinely prefer to be alone and do not secretly wish for popularity. They tend to seek jobs that require little social contact. Their social skills are often weak and they do not show a need for attention or acceptance. They are perceived as humorless and distant and often are termed "loners."

Schizotypal
Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow.

Antisocial
A common misconception is that antisocial personality disorder refers to people who have poor social skills. The opposite is often the case. Instead, antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of conscience. People with this disorder are prone to criminal behavior, believing that their victims are weak and deserving of being taken advantage of. They tend to lie and steal. Often, they are careless with money and take action without thinking about consequences. They are often agressive and are much more concerned with their own needs than the needs of others.

Borderline
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing themselves injury. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. They think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met.

Histrionic
People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. They also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative.

Narcissistic
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recongize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. They tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.

Avoidant
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.

Dependent
Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. They often remain in abusive relationships. They are overly sensitive to disapproval. They often feel helpless and depressed.

Obsessive-Compulsive
Obsessive-Compulsive personality disorder is similar to obsessive-compulsive anxiety disorder. People with this disorder are overly focused on orderliness and perfection. Their need to do everything "right" often interferes with their productivity. They tend to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves and others, and tend to be very critical of others when they do not live up to these high standards. They avoid working in teams, believing others to be too careless or incompetent. They avoid making decisions because they fear making mistakes and are rarely generous with their time or money. They often have difficulty expressing emotion.


http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv

sigh

okay, so yesterday's french test was a bummer. I kept getting mixed up between imperatif and passe compose. It was such an easy paper...and i made such a stupid mistake. I well, felt shity after that. It was mainly cos of my English test result as well. i just passed. and so now, im frantically looking for people to tutor me. So far, ive managed to get karina and ranjani to help......to think i even had nightmares about that. I didnt want to come for eng lect today but conscience prevail...besides, I WILL NOT BE A SORE QUITER. i will not resent a subject when i do not do well in it. ive gotta change my mentality. so erhem I like EL1101E. I like EL1101e. I like El1101E. I Like EL1101E.

ok, ive gotta go for econs tutorial now. I will try not to skip my lect later. If i do, that would be like 4 times in a row, one whole month, 1/3 of a semester of cutting econs lect. HAHA. no no i will not.....

sigh. i think im PMS-ing.

i dropped my hp yest..and now it cant switch off. :(

Englisheeeesssssssshhhhh

Argh. Argh. Argh. I dont understand. why am i still at the bottom of the class for stupid EL1101E???? i mean its freaking English! I have been scoring for eng since like primary one! like what the? Its like some cruel joke. Ha ha ha.

Breathe farah breathe....

everything
happens
for
a reason.....

maybe im too cocky..and im paying for it.....
i'll go kiss the floor now. just kidding just kidding. -_-

A post from home!

I am so full. So so full and contented. Had a great dinner a an hour ago. Nothing beats my Umi's cooking! I was gonna type something actually but I cant seem to remember. Talk about short term memory. Which reminds me, Ive gotta study psych.


Oh! I remember what it is now...I PASSED MY ECONS TEST!!!!!! Just when i thought there was no hope! That I would embarass myself with low marks considering exactly one yr ago I was studying the exact same thing! Whee~

Is it me or is the weather really really hot at night?

Earlier today, I had my last tuition session with Rena. In a way, she reminds me a lot of myself when I was 14. Troubled with studies and finding out who my friends really are. Imagining that teachers are from a totally different planet. Thinking your parents just dont understand. Feel like you're spinning and spinning and spinning around, trying to find and come to terms with who you are. I hated Sec 2. I had a discussion with Pema about this after French class. The french lecturer had previously said someting rather patronising..."Maybe you asians have adolescence problems later in life" Yeah, right..like when we're 40? So i made a hypothesis.. most of us would have probably encountered it when we're 14...and i bagan asking a few ppl and well, they concured.Well, it isnt an accurant survey anyway. The sample size was far too small. But still, it doesnt change the fact that being 14 was a nightmare.

In any case, I should get back to work.

And yes, while and after praying with my family yest, I remembered about all the things that has happened over the past year. I have truly been blessed. I have a great life. Prayers really do work. They really do. So i just have to keep my faith...Amin!

French test IS on THU!!! PHEW

God loves me

Yes, HE does. French is postponed to thursday. Phew. So farah's weekend schedule:
1) Mug for psychology
2) Mug for French
3) Worry about SEA research paper because i will only have four days since i intend to get started only when both my tests are over. It doesnt help to know SOME people finished theirs! (nudge nudge karina) -_-

English, cute babies, and bulan ramadan.

I just finished the dreaded EL paper. I just feel this overwhelming relief.It wasnt easy but i was already expecting that. Besides, i fell asleep reading the book and only managed to read/skim through the book on the MRT.(sat between two sleeeeeepy heads. are my shoulders that comfortable?) so there, its over. Thank god I brought a dictionary. A BIG help indeed.

Went out with pema, kenneth and Mark yest. Buka-ed at NYDC. There was this super dooperly cute baby. i think he's iranian or smt and he's soooooooo cuteeeeeeeee... he kept seeking our attention and he even grabbed the waitress' butt. Her reaction was so hilarious! Gosh, i hope my children would be as gorgeous as that!

Its the start of the fasting month. I wonder if i should skip my econs lect. so that would be 3 in a row. But really! the whole family would be breaking fast together...and since Umi's working the afternoon shift and Mhd's shifts are irregular....this yr would be different....

anyway, i received a msg from a very old friend. hmm.

haha i just met Monsiuer(how do you spell it...ARGH) Gilbert...and we spoke french..hahah.

okay, ive gotta be a lab rat...after Eugene briefs me on the survey thingy.

Taking it slow.....

I have decided...i am not going to panic. I am going to take this semester easy. It is my first semester after all and i should cut my self some slack. So what if i had initially planned on making it into the Deans list and getting on my way to a first class honours? Ambitions ambitions ambitions. Tsk tsk. remember what happened earlier in J1? I wanted to take 4 A levels with 2 S papers...remember how I wanted to take maths and econs S? hahah...I ended up dropping an A level sub. But Im still happy. But that doesnt mean im gonna be a completely unmotivated person. i will keep trying hard and do my work and all but i will not be stressed. I want to live longer! Plus, i dont really know what i should expect for the exams so i'll be using this sem as a gauge.

Im in the SWAPS room right now actually...was storing some stuff and since i brought my lap top i might as well try if this room has reception and what do you know? it does!!!! Signal Strength=Very Good. It's pretty quiet in here and heck, i think its more conducive to do my work here than in the lib. At least i'll have my privacy. Am i even allowed to do this? I don't know..but as far as im concerned, i have the keys so why not? Im not doing anything bad here.

I have officially ended my lessons and i intended to study my english BUT i didnt bring my file. Urgh. Too bad...i think i'll just go home later...

WHEE~~~~~~

I did it! Im not a tech bimbo after all!!! haha i regained my computer skills...you see little chewren, farah was taught how to create web pages when she was primary 6...then she just forgot about it!!! not anymore!!!!!!!! Ive finally linked my friend's bloggies to mine!!!!!
whee~

10th October 2004

KEY note

I feel incredibly stupid right now. God, where do I start? Everything seems so surreal now. I’m just feeling overwhelmed with all that’s happened…..

I went down to Photostat my SEA presentation stuff on transparencies and to make a duplicate set of keys to the SWAPS cupboard. I had to get it done by Friday. I suppose I decided to do it today cos I wanted to show the others that I’m pretty efficient. Oh man, it turn out quite contrary. The impression of me after that event would have remarkable changed.

So I went to the shop with the bunch of keys, gave it to the guy and left, heading to the photocopy shop. When I came back, the lady was still making the keys and I had ½ left before Gilmore Girls started. So when she was done, she gave me back the original set. That was when it all began….

I was dumbfounded, stupefied, f***king pissed cos the bunch of keys in my hand didn’t feel right. I remembered instinctively that there was like 2 or more keys… where were they? I panicked. Shit. Shit. Shit. I’m so screwed. I argued with the shop keepers. I didn’t care what passers-by thought of me. I wanted my keys back. They kept insisting that what they returned me was precisely what I had handed to them. I felt helpless.Defeated…and I did the unthinkable. I started to cry. Sob violently was more like it. And in between the gasps of air, I choked on my words and explained to them, “It’s not my keys…I need them back..I need them back”. I was so sure I gave them the whole bunch. I was so sure.

My mind raced. I couldn’t do anything..I had to think of something. I reached for my handphone and called Gene. Pick up Gene…pick up…I called Eugene next. No answer. And then I called Zhisheng. When I heard the click of an answer I felt relieved.. and then I burst out sobbing into the phone, explaining to Zhisheng, feeling utterly useless and incompetent. I was initially hesitant to call him cos I’ve always felt intimidated by him. I always felt useless in his presence. Like during the acad meetings. So it was odd speaking to him…but he was so nice about it. He even offered to come down to settle things….then I called my sister in the meantime..within moments she came down. By then, I had spoken to Gene and he assured me that there was another set of keys with the admin. My sis and I decided to leave after confirming again with the shopkeepers abt the bla bla bla…that if they found the keys the should contact me. So we left…..

I was still so scared. How could I screw up such a small matter? What is wrong with me? Simple thing and I cant handle. I was irresponsible. Resigned, we were about to climb the stairs back home when suddenly my sis spotted a bunch of 3 keys on the lift landing, in one corner. I felt a flush of shame, humiliation…and relief. I called Gene…and then Zhisheng. Thank god. So I went back to the shop and apologized profusely for being such an asshole. I truly truly am.

Reflecting on this incident has thought me a lot. It made me realize how weak a person I am. How I behave under stressful situation. I melt down. Imagine, this is such a small issue and I blew it up. I lost my composure, humiliated myself. I feel like just burying my head in sand or walk around with a paperbag on my head. Shame on me. I am not as strong as I always thought myself to be. Damn.

Today, Sat, 9th Oct

I am in school. Yes, on a saturday. I am in school because I intend to mug, and I will. I told my parents I'll be back by eleven pm. I will finish my SEA research paper by this weekend. I will. I will. I will.

I have to.If I don't, I'll be in serious doo-doo cos I have practically no time. There are tests coming up...tests which i cannot afford to screw up.

I skipped econs lect yest. So effectively, i've skipped 3 lects this semester. Twice in a row for econs. So much about conscience. It's not about conscience anymore. It's about being pragmatic. Why bother sitting in an LT if nothing gets through my head? Time is precious in university. I stayed back in school till 9+ yest. Helped Justina do the noticeboard as well.

Speaking of being pragmatic, I want a boyfriend who can drive. What's the point of having a bf if he cant drive? I might as well just date the bus driver.Alright, maybe if he cant drive, at least let him have a car so I can drive it! And he has to be smart so he can help me out in my work. I mean I don't need emotional support or whatever. In fact, why does anyone ever want to have a boyfriend? Had an interesting discussion about that yest with Justina as well.Oh well, i can't say anything cos Ive never been attached-thank god. Haha i'll prob be the most nightmarish gf on the face of the planet!

Was watching the BUSH-KERRY debates live from Washington University on CNA. Bush is full of crap. I hope Kerry wins. I shall not dive into the reasons why. Had you watched the debates, you'd agree too.

Alright, Ive gotta resume reading through piles of dusty books from "University of Singapore". Ancient, I tell you.

PS: i ate in the arts canteen all by myself today.Realised it's really not that bad eating alone!! I just chomped down my food and left! 15 mins only! Time saving. :) Im proud of myself!

OCTOBER 6th entry.

Major major bummer! I totally forgot about Adeline’s birthday on the 5th! To think I was msn-ing her that afternoon!!! Shucks. Sorry ade…for what its worth, Happy Belated 19th Birthday!!! I hope you received my sms though!

Why is it that people I know are ending up in the hospital? First Nenek and then I just heard that Shaun G. got warded for food poisoining. Nenek’s been discharged though. Apparently not much damage has been done to her besides 4 or 5 fractured ribs on her right side. Toilets are super dangerous for old people. Heck, it’s even dangerous to anyone! I remember slipping and falling after I came out of the shower on the first day of school last yr. I have yet to visit her but I shall wait for all the family politics to end.

I hate family politics. Why cant everyone just be open and honest and trust each other? God, whatever it is, I pray that if and when my siblings and I ever get married and move out, we’ll continue to be as tight as we are now.

Which reminds me, bulan puasa is fast approaching. Its next Friday to be precise. Which means, I’ll be fasting soon. The funny thing is, I quite like the idea. I’m beginning to think that lunch is a waste of time:
1) you look for people to eat with
2) you find people to eat with and then you people waste time deciding which canteen to eat
3) you wonder what to eat
4) upon deciding that you’ll have to queue up
5) then you eat and chat and eat and chat
6) then you go to the toilet and fill up your water bottle and

BAM! Break’s over.

So, I have convinced myself. I suppose I will spend my breaks in the comfort of the central lib with fellow ‘fasters’. And since the fasting month is about abstinence, I shall be abstaining not only from food and water, but from vulgarities, gossips, lusting (hahaha) etc etc. Farah will be a nice person with no snide comments about anything for one month, hopefully, that is. And hopefully that one month of cold turkey would do me some good. w HeE~

Oh ya speaking of nice,…Kenneth, you are such a nice dude!! Thanks for the MP3s man! Didn’t aspect you to get it done so fast! So efficient!!! Thanks again!! (wait a sec, are you even gonna read this thing?)

PS: Maybe setting up this blog was a bad idea. I think I’m spending too much time on my laptop, especially because I’m using it to post entries on this blog. This has become a bloody distraction and an outlet for further procrastination. So, STOP BLOGGING!!!

Moby’s EXTREME WAYS is a fabulous psych-up song.

Blues and Black

I finally did it. I finally mustered the guts to endure the pain. I finally rubbed the blue blacks of my legs. Heh, I wonder who was the genius who thought of it. Its like 85% gone! Yay! You see, klutsy me slip and fell down the stairs near the transitlink/atm machine in school on Sat. Thank god no one was ard to witness it. Haha you should have seen the look on Pema’s face! She was so shocked and worried while I was laughing as I went down the steps! Stupid high heels. Never again!!! Maybe i shouldn't have worn a skirt today. I look abused!

Im in the library now, in my zone. Yup, Ive found my study space and NOBODY will steal it from me. It will henceforth be known as "FARAH's AREA" so keep clear!

Woke up this morn and realised Aba and Umi were not in bed. I thought it was rather weird. Then during psych lect break i got a missed call from Umi. Nenek broke her ribs after falling in the toilet. I hope she's okay. I cant visit her cos i have French from 6-8pm. Maybe I'll visit tmr instead.

Okay, I've got to stop blogging. Need to mug mug mug for french.

Bon apres midi!

Au revoir!!!

crack

oh my gosh, oh my gosh. HE has a girlfriend! here i was thinking he's gay or smt. okay, i should feel nothing yet i feel...
hurt.
whatever la. whatever.
still. ouch.
of all the days to find out.

MY first official post

Phew, finally I've managed to create a post! It seems that my PC at home has bad blogger connection. So that means that i can only blog from school. oh well, at least that means that my lap top would be put to good use.

Ive just had a meeting with my SEA grp. So far so good. We might me done by this weekend, in time for Monday's presentation. That means im only left with the research paper.

Alright, since this is officially my first post, might i just clarify with certain curious friends that i need not validate myself for setting up a blog? I like to express myself. Dont worry, I'll share what i want to. I have a seperate diary where damaging stuff will never surface on this blog. For one, I will not disclose names of ppl, especially if im defaming them. Besides, in my two yrs of keeping a real journal, I've often wished that certain opinions of mine gets aired in public such as my opinions on certain issues pertaining to say current affairs? This blog will therefore be my platform, my talking point, and it would a challenge as well. I mean lets see how far i can go on maintaining this! haha i might just abandon blog!

Oh dear, i just said i needn't validate myself and there i went!!!! Anyway, i hope that this blog could help me redeem myself. I know i act pretty flaky and substance-less in front of people. Sometimes I wonder why I do that. I suppose that makes me seem less intimidating and I like it that way. Flaky flaky flaky. But ppl laugh, and when in turn they feel comfortable. I wasn’t like that last time and I know some of you can attest to that. I was, once upon a time, intense. I still am around these select few ppl. I used to be the one with all the answers too. Now I just shrug them off unless i think that something ought to be corrected or smt. Some people love ‘educating’ me so i just wince in silence if they're wrong. Am i being selfish then? I mean if they think they're so smart, why ruin their happiness? God, im such a ppl pleaser. Heh, look, this blog thingy making me evaluate my self!!!

One more thing i insist on mentioning:Im not gonna make this blog all gloomy...some ppl tend to express such negativity on thier blogs...like its the end of the world!

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL in every single way!!!!!!

Alright, that was a mega long entry. But it’s the first and hopefully not the last…..

PS: I FINISHED MY SEA MUSUEM REPORT AT 12.58 AM THIS MORNING!!!! WHEE~~~~