9 months

And yet, I feel like I've been here for so much longer.

I need to make a commitment to myself:

Thou shalt not job-hop. A rolling stone gathers no moss. Moss is green. Green is the color of currency (well, at least most commonly associated with currency even though locally, it's not applicable but hey, since most of us subscibe to western pop culture, why not). And the money tree ain't gonna grow as much or as fast if you keep changing jobs and remain stuck at entry level jobs. So suck it up and stay for at least 2-3 years.

Two to three years? Wow. Today's not only the 9th month working here, but it's also my 2 year anniversary- working. Period. And in 2 years, I've had 2 jobs. I wonder where I'll be in 5 years. How can anybody stay at a job for more than 2 years? Inconceivable! Then again, check my employment history.

A history that must be changed.

I shall commit! One step at a time. My short term goal? To survive longer than I did in my first job (15 months).

Roadtrip

The five of us took a drive up to Desaru over the weekend. Havent had a family vacation in quite a while. The last time we went there, was 20 years ago. 20. Wow. I feel old. Hur hur.

Anyway, I love quick getaways. So lucky msia has wonderful islands and yummy cheap food.

:) bliss

Humility

A spate of events over the last few days have been a needed reminder to be humble.

The anxiety, the void, the disconnect can in some parts be attributed to me wrapping myself up with thoughts of how I know a whole lot more than others. And yet, in just a few days, all that ego and self-perceived edge melted away.

Today, I am humbled. And, I am grateful. I feel pieces of myself falling back into place.

Relieved. I am me again.

A little faith

LA HAWLA WA LA QUWWATA ILLA BILLAH
The meaning of this expression is: " There is no power and no strength save in Allah." This expression is read by a Muslim when he is struck by a calamity, or is taken over by a situation beyond his control. A Muslim puts his trust in the hands of Allah, and submits himself to Allah.

Taken from http://www.islamicweb.com/begin/key_term.htm#LAHAWLA

Go Team!

I need bounce this off someone but since I can't think of anyone and most people are armchair psuedo psychologists/counsellors any way, help me out here:

I love my work. I enjoy what I do and I find meaning in doing what I do. Getting work done motivates me. Well, of course there are parts of work I dont like but I know it's necessary for a small fry like to me execute - the nitty gritty admin stuff to make sure things go smoothly and all, but I love the other part of it. Influencing the environment, working toward something that will have a larger impact on people and how they lead their lives. That is absolutely fulfilling.

And working across departments, divisions and even agencies is exhilarating albeit challenging because you have to negotiate between your needs and theirs, etc.

But then the other aspect of work and one I find of late, well, inconvenient, is face time with my own team. It's like they dont get it nor see the importance of my work. At least that's how I feel. And I can't be bothered to explain to them. Yes, yes, so technically it's also my fault for not explaining and getting them involved but believe me, I've tried. Nobody seemed interested.

Ah, to be blessed with a boss with high EQ. She has definitely sensed my disengagement and apparently, the bosses upstairs are throwing around and screaming how important team work is, so she's echo-ing that, among others (but thats a different story). Blast. Of all the times. When I was a super team player sharing my work and opinion, nobody cares. When I've suddenly chosen to disengage and focus on my priorites, they throw team work in.

But how can I smile and play 'Go team!' when I honestly just want to do my work?

Anyway, I sense boss is trying to find out what's wrong with me. I have avoided the issue because until I've pinned the precise cause of my disengagement, I really don't know how to respond. My spider senses tell me she's going to seek me out this week. I thank God I'm not spider man - higher probability of me being wrong about this.

I am perfectly contented to leave this be. When I said I've moved on from the emo period, I really have. I think I've just grown up at work.

Yes, I think that's it :)

All the US can say is that it 'deeply regrets' what happened? Sanction em! Hypocrites. Hope this is not going to be one of those incidents that will be swept under the rugs of history. If it had been an arab nation responsible for the atrocity, the world would so gladly respond in violence under the guise of democracy/liberation. What justice is this?

Mojo-jojo

So I've finally snapped out of the slump I've been feeling at work of late.

I don't know how or why for sure, but I suspect it's because work is piling faster than I can mope (is this even a word?). Maybe I am one of those people who needs to be occupied to feel energised.

Yes, yes, I think I am.

Either way, :) long weekend!

They paved paradise to put up a parking lot

That's sg for you.

I'm so going to the railway station to eat mee siam before the gov takes over and opens it up to eager hands to build a mall. Or another condo.

After effects

~ of Glee: Bursting at my human seams (skin) to break out in song

~ of Gossip Girl: Want to be rich, limo-ed around and own a walk-in wardrobe

~ of Supernatural: Hunt demons. Salt circles anyone?

My weekend staple :)

So for the past 6-7 months, I was blinded by foolish admiration.

Was. Because a little incident happened and the human element has shattered things. Slowly, I see aspects I found awe-inspring ebbing and replaced by doubts, disbelieve and disdain.

Funny how easy the pedestal comes crumbling down the minute you find something to dislike.

Nonetheless, to err is human.

Lesson reinforced: Nobody's perfect. So see the flaws in others as part and parcel of their being. Appreciate them people, both good and bad.

Crossfire

What do you do when your boss disagrees with you and 'persuades' you to go with her option? Against your will, you do, but you feel terribly bad about it but hey, she's the boss and she's been around longer so maybe she knows if this is the best course of action. You are after all just a young fart.

And then you get a call from her boss who disagrees with this course of action and you find out that this bigger boss and you are actually on the same page.

But then, because you followed what your boss said, the bigger boss probably thinks you're the one who made that decision.

What do you do?

Let it go.

Because this happens everywhere. And if your boss is worth his/her salt, he/she would take accountability.

Learning point: Stand your ground next time.
From an optimistic point of view: At least you know a bit more about how the bigger boss thinks.

Rainy Monday

I shall start the day week with an incredibly BIG SMILE

:D

Echo

I have a strong need for sense of belonging and acceptance. Most people do, actually. This doesn’t mean I lack self-confidence or self-esteem. I think I have plenty of those. But I crave for human interaction and enjoy being involved, having my opinions heard and so on. It gives sense to existence. Otherwise, what is the point of my sentience?

So this week, and I suppose in days preceding, my heart and mind weaved in and out of loneliness, on 2 levels (i) being butt out of discussions (ii) lacking interaction with those on the same wavelength.

With regard to (i), well, that disappointment can be surmounted by reason. Those discussions are, technically, none of my business (i.e. KPI). It was nice that I was able to provide input the last time and damn, I felt I gave compelling and rich input but it’s time to bow out and focus on my own priorities. Don’t get me wrong, I love to do work beyond my JD but if certain persons feel I am no longer needed, then well, too bad (for them). No hard feelings. I have more time to myself.

Cue point (ii). Now, this one’s tough. I find it absolutely frustrating. What is maddening is my inability to articulate why without coming off as, well, a snob. Snotty. Pompous. Arrogant.
So as a qualifier, might I say that yes, having a worthy adversary (intellectually) would be wonderful, as, well, my brain would be jolted to be more critical and so forth and team discussions would be multi-dimensional/ more flavourful . But that’s not what I’m looking at per se. How about outside of meetings? I yearn for persons with similar wavelength with whom I can have easy conversations with and at the same time can switch it up. The past couple of months, it’s been flat. Like the calm ocean flat. Nice breezy calm waters flat. No peaks no troughs. Flat. Splat.

And I have moments of boredom, quite honestly. But I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I find myself looking elsewhere. People on other teams. Even the interns. I think it’s time to venture out. Never know what gems I could find.

Hello people with sama sama wavelength, come out come out wherever you are! Far wants to play.

Surprise!

I surprise myself. I honestly thought I was done blogging but strangely after typing out the last post, I've been having the urge to blog some more!

I have indeed set up a different account, and was pretty much set in using that platform to express my thoughts and opinions about serious grown up stuff. Topics I'm interested in to get the brain juice flowing.

But I miss writing like this. This is inevitably a part of who I am. Who am I kidding? So heh, I think I'm going to start blogging again. I'm bored. I need an outlet to just express myself. Write long sentences, that kinda stuff.

You know what I mean :)

Ode to thee, blog~

Hello you,

It's been a while, hasnt it? Happy new year to you too. I know, I know, it's already April.

Well, I havent had enough motivation to come by. And I suppose, now that im 25, I'm kinda getting a bit too old for this, yea?

Seriously, I think I've outgrown you. Reading my old posts gives me the creeps sometimes. Haha. Good times though. Good times.

What has it been? 5-6 years already? That's fast. Tell you what, I'll come and visit once in a while, to say hi.

I've moved, did I tell you that? But it's not the same. I'm experimenting with something a little more serious..to get the brain juices flowing a little.

Well, anyways, I'm out of here. Thanks for being here when I needed to talk/express myself.

You were and still are awesome.

Catch ya later bloggie! :)

Recap of the past few months.

Was miserable at work---> found new job--->went to Aussie for a holiday--->started new job--->am enjoying work!

In between, I've lost 6 kg from diet + exercise and aiming to lose more.

Feeling happier, healthier and enjoying life!

Yay :)

His demise, tragic. A star who shone so brightly till man tugged at the stardust and sapped the brilliance away. The star persisted. But it was too late.

Goodbye Michael Jackson. May people remember you for your amazing music.

You made me cry listening to Heal The World when I was in primary school.

And have fun rocking to Beat It on Guitar Heroes.

Sigh.

The first CD I listened to.

Heard he converted to Islam....wonder if its true.

Anyway, Inna-lillahi-wa-inna-illahi-rajiun.

I'm going to wax lyrical about star trek the movie. One of the BEST shows i've ever watched. It stayed true to the series. The script was brilliant. and the plot wasn't too complicated because the whole point was character development.. I'm pleased that they did this so well that i have a greater understanding of each beloved crew aboard the‭ enterprise. It's quite funny that the yummy chris pine would grow into william shatner tho. ha. ha.

And zachary quinto portrayed spock with such depth...and THE spock appeared! thought it.d be a short cameo so imagine my excitement that he had sufficient air time.

Heh,my favourite episode of the old series was when shatner,nimoy and the bones guy were marooned on some place and started singing 'row your boat'. remember that?

Aah,i'm so satisfied. well done. well done indeed. hope there's sequels to come!

I freaking hate work.

Does anybody out there really like what they're doing? I studied four freaking years to send emails. Wah. So exciting. Please. My brain is dying. Jolt me now.

I hate project management. People suck sometimes. Honestly.

What a banal existence. It's all about the money more like it.

Who the bloody hell gets fulfilment sending emails and coordinating stuff?

I freaking hate work. No meaning. No niche. I am dispensible. Anyone can do my job. I. am. not. needed.

Im not learning anything. 'Cept people are annoying and money is important.

Here's to the twelfth of every month!

This is my 660th post. And this isnt a happy one.

Ive been hobbling to get around as there's something wrong with my right foot. What exactly? I have no freaking idea. Sprain? Fracture? I dont know.

Dont you hate it when you have no control over your own body? For instance, what's causing you intense pain? Finding out what ailment you have gives you some control because then you'd know how to treat or manage it. But I dont even know what I have. I'm so freaking angry that the doctor I went to see last week refused to give me an x-ray. Doing so would have given me closure if it truly isn't a fracture. Why was he so insistent on not acceding to my request so much so that he said " clinically, there's nothing wrong with you". But if that's the case, why does it bloody hurt when i walk? I'm paying for it so why cant you just gimme the damn x-ray? Well, stuff my pain up yours, you pompous man. You have x-ray vision ah? Honestly, do some doctors have some god-complex issues or what?

Anyway, been having quite a temper lately.

I. Have. Mood. Issues.