10th January 2005.
Whoa. Just came back from jogging. Ran all the way to pasir ris mrt, which isn’t far really. It was a satisfying nonetheless! This is an excellent start to my new exercise plan! I’m going jogging with Farhana twice a week! She’s optimistic about my plan to jog to pasir ris and back home. It was a nice night jog. We started at 7.30pm and ended up coming home at 9.30pm. We walked all the way to pasir ris park then we sat by the beach and chit-chat before walking all the way home. We decided that that will never happen again once school kicks in. It’ll be chop chop go, chop chop come back..
Just received the full details of the immersion program in france. The itinerary looks great. We’ll be going to this place called Montpeillier, which is at the South of France, near the Mediterranean coast. It will be an intensive French language crash course for 3 weeks. We’ll be staying at homes, locals would take us in and we’ll be given a tour of the attractions. Nice way to spend my May/June vacation huh. Yeah. But it comes with a hefty price tag: $3900. Where on earth am I going to find that money? Can you imagine what one can do with so much money? I suppose it would be worth it to even go to Europe at that price given the length of stay. But $4K!!! I was also looking forward to attending a YEP especially if I could help the tsunami hit areas. Both experiences would be priceless. Also, I’ve always wanted to bagpack across Malaysia and visit all her islands before moving on to Thailand but I know I can do that in subsequent years.
But if I go, my lifesavings would be gone. Or at least I would be living on a tight budget henceforth. Then I’ve got to think of all the loans I’d have to pay. Hmm. But I can worry about that later right? I’m still deciding. I know my parents would tell me not to go. Oh well, at least I have until February before collection of deposits start.
We”ll see.
10th Janauary 2005
Racism. Who would have believed that it exists in our very society? I didn’t. At least in my 19 years of existence, I’ve never been a victim of it. Sure, my minority friends did complain sometimes but I was always led to believe that perhaps the incidents were purely accidental/coincidental/unintentional and that they were blowing things out of proportion, that their insecurities played up and manifested themselves in their shortly jumped to deductions of whatever it is unfavourble that had happened to them.
God, I am thankful that living in Singapore has given me the opportunity to mix with people of so many races. My best friends are Chinese, Indians and Malay. I pride on the fact and am truly honoured that my lineage comprises of all these races as well and more. That’s why when people ask me what I am, I’d simply say “I’m human”.
One day, about a year ago, my uncle’s friend or relative or whatever, an arab man, asked me if I saw myself as arab or Pakistani? My mom’s arab and my dad’s half Chinese and half Pakistani. I didn’t know what to say. He made me pick but I decided to say, “I’m Singaporean” I was born and bred here. Why should I feel any affiliation to any other country but s’pore? While I’m at it, how can I feel any close affiliation to one particular race at all when nothing about me makes me a pure arab, a pure Pakistani, a pure Chinese etc etc etc. I am everything but neither. But I am a pure Singaporean.
I naturally assumed a lot of people would see me as that as well. In fact, I dared venture to believe that with so many mixed marriages around, people would finally be able to assimilate themselves and form one common identity, race, religion and language aside. Perhaps one day, being a Singaporean would not only be a form of nationality but a race in its own right. What constitutes a race anyway? But a group of people with similar background? upbringing? DNA? I believe we’re all brothers and sisters if we truly trace out lineage back. Ah well, this vision I have would be an arduously slow process. Indeed.
Racism can take on many forms. As mentioned, I’ve never encountered it in school. Perhaps that’s because I spoke English from the start. I found it easy to mingle with everyone since the medium in schools was English. It was convenient. I forged many close friendships. Language was never a barrier. Even till today, some of my friends say that they’ve never really had a close friend of another race till they met me. While a part of me felt selfishly like gloating, a part of me felt disbelief. How can that possibly true? Was it the language barrier that prevented friendships and understanding to happen? Or do birds of a feather really flock together? I am more inclined to believe the former. I hope.
Now before you think I could be a hypocrite, I must admit that I highly doubt that I’m totally free from prejudice. Nonetheless, to least of my knowledge, I have not consciously maligned somebody because of his race. So when I was discriminated, I felt pissed off really. I couldn’t believe my ears. As all of you know, I’m still seeking a job. As a scrutinized the “recruit” page of the papers, I was horrified. How on earth will I find a job? Most of them required mandarin speakers. Fine, perhaps the job really requires one to communicate using mandarin but come on! Some of the jobs definitely do not require mandarin speakers la. It was a case of using that requirement as a euphemism. In any case, I’m going to make it a point to learn mandarin officially by the time I graduate. At least only then would I be able to make an informed deduction of such practice. That aside, what truly truly horrified me was that tuition agencies turned me down on the spot on finding out that I wasn’t of a particular race. After telling her my name, which by the way can be an English name as well, she asked “so your mother tongue is malay?” To which I replied yes. Then she said she”ll get back to me. Funny, she didn’t ask what subjects nor level I wanted to teach. One didn’t even bother to take my phone number down. Another lady even explained to me that parents are very fussy and would prefer tutors of the same race. I was stupefied. How shallow can people be? What has tutoring got to do with race? Huh? What about meritocracy and judging a person by his competence?
Another interesting bit as well happened last semester. As part of our module’s research program experiment, I had to find a friend of the same race as I before I could participate in the experiment. Its actually one of the requirements. Boy, I had difficulty as usual but eventually I found someone. The experiment was about how your heart rate reacts to various tasks and how the presence of a friend would affect your performance. So I wondered, where does the race element come in? Why would it be necessary for me to find a friend of the same race when any of my friends could do the same task of motivating me etc. I asked the experimenter and she told me, that in her knowledge, participants are more comfortable with people of their own race. Really?
Many unanswered questions linger in my head. Maybe I was too idealistic. Maybe it is true. Whatever it is, I’m just glad that the magnitude of racism here in Singapore is significantly nothing in comparison to other countries in the world. However, the painful realization that beneath the veneer of harmony and peace among the races, discrimination still rears its ugly head. But I believe. I believe these tiny bumps can be leveled. One day. One day. For now, I’m just glad to be able to make friends freely with anyone. And I’m truly blessed who have friends who either overlook or accommodate each others’ differences. And when I do have kids, I will make sure they mingle with everyone else too. We are all brethrens. Amen.
8th January 2005.
Well, it’s the 8th January 2005 and Im typing this now so that once I get to school, I can just copy and paste this entry on the blog. Well, a lot has happened over the holidays huh? I think it has been one of the more eventful December breaks I’ve had. I mean I went out more than ever before. Shopped till my ankles ached…went overseas, went to 2 camps, had a successful class outing, went out here, there, everywhere.. Basically a fruitful vacation. Even read two books :)
So I resented this amazingly irritating comment this arse of a person made when he said “you guys need to go out more” Honestly, what l gives you the right to say that? He said that with such condescension. Not a trace of jest in his tone. He was being an utter asshole really. Bah. He thought I didn’t get his other sarcastic comments. Darling, don’t think you comments flew over my head as they did over the rest. Who are you kidding? You’re talking about me here. I can be a megabitch if I want to but that’s not the point. He was completely antagonistic throughout the dinner we had. The funny thing is, we didn’t invite you. So piss off if you don’t enjoy our company. And its only polite to laugh at jokes whether its funny or not. And how dare you ask us to “step it up” when it comes to jokes and all when your idea of “stepping up” is actually a major degeneration of intellect to crude and lowly jokes, HUH? Go fly kite. (its amazing how successful my self-restrain is working out. Profanities has been minimal thus far)
I really wished I had told him off on the spot but my god, I am proud of my self control. It would have gotten really ugly if I did cos he would probably act all defensive and to sum it up, the matter would just be worse considering he’s the sort who would argue on and on until he wins and face it, I suck at arguing and I hate to lose nonetheless. Walking away was the best option.
You know, I kept telling myself that perhaps I was being over-sensitive or that he could be tired or worse drunk but for god’s sake, is that a reasonable excuse for his behaviou? I told my friend about what happened, abt the guy and his comments and asked her if its only me cos the rest of them didn’t seem to notice. Well, she kinda said that if what I observed was right then the arse deserved my cold shoulder treatment. Poor sod, I used to think he was a nice guy. Not anymore. If there was anything I felt that night, it wasn’t anger. It was disappointment.
Bah, its all over now. But boy, does it feel good to just let it out. Heck, must I justify myself? This is MY BLOG. I deserve the right to bitch and whine! So there!
Just had lunch with Kenneth this morning. Pema overslept! Hey dude, you look good with your hair coloured and all! ;) Its nice to catch up with friends!
Im pretty sad that I didn’t really have enough time to go out with my friends from sec school…gosh, I think im drifting apart frm them. Sigh…maybe in the near future ya?
Met up with this guy I know from JC. My goodness, NS really does something to guys huh? Well, at least some of them. This guy used to be this tall, lanky, geeky person and when I saw him, it was like whoa…he was kinda hunky! Hahah…but when he opened his mouth to talk to me then.. cheh.
I suppose by the time I actually post this up, it would be the first day of school. First lect would be sociology lecture…was flipping thru the textbook and well, oh boy, I really hope I”ll fall in love with the subject .and soon. Hahah…
Okay, for those who might want to check out my time table for whatever reason, I”ll be putting up one as soon as the tutorials are up.
Ah, the new semester. A new beginning. Im gonna be a super mugger. Oh and im also going on a high-keratin diet since my eyesight is deterioting at a frightening rate. Speaking of which, im gonna be wearing specs to school from now on too, Heh, maybe the specs would make me feel smarter and BE smarter.
I have a feeling this sem would require me manage my time real well since I have to balance school work and SWAPS stuff. I might be i/c of publicity and recruitment for FOC. I haven really agreed to it but I think the experience would be worth it. I don’t know. Will I be digging my own shit hole? I don’t know.
But you know what, im really glad that there aren’t any eye-candies. Haha, yes I remember that I used to say that eye-candies are necessary motivations for one to get to school but really, im glad there aren’t any distractions in NUS. Also, Im just sick and tired of having unnecessary crushes in school. Its really tiring and pointless cos it’s a vicious cycle. I always fall for the unattainable people. Im so sick of it. And tired. Really tired. Besides, im loving things as they’ve been! Haha…I don’t feel like im missing out on anything at all!
Channel ‘i’ has ceased to exist. So channel 5 is monopolizing the English shows. Darn it, now I cant channel surf and watch Law and Order on Sunday nights. And the only other channel I can watch is central or CNA. Oh well, all the more reasons not to watch TV. I suppose once Charmed ends, I wouldn’t have anything to watch. unless I actually consider following My Fair Princess 3 on channel 8 even though the entire cast is different. Ah well, we”ll see.
Note to self: Stop spending money like you own $400++ bucks a month anymore now that you don’t anymore. I need income. Anybody wants tuition?
Ooh, im getting wireless fixed in my house!!!!!!!
