The sun shines.....im happy again

Honestly, im pretty darn sure my mood and the weather are somehow correlated.

Just came home....Buble's in my ear. Decided to turn away from angry music....and im feeling more relaxed...Its a beautiful evening...beautiful.....and suddenly everything seems all nice...babies in the train made me smile.....heh, the man who made funny faces at one of the babies made me smile...its nice to see men playing with babies...just melts the heart.

[lets out a deep sigh]
What a day...was almost late for school today..wait, i was late for lect. Luckily my dad sent me...and so, i memorised the route to school so that should he ever not want to send me to school, i'll just threaten him and tell him i'll drive there myself! ;) So here's the deal....TAKE THE ECP cos its so fast. Do NOT exit at Rochor. Go all the way straight...and then somehow you"ll see Normaton Park....Keep driving....then either exit when you see Science Park and hence go thru NUH or exit at Clementi and go by the bus route 96. Heh, pretty easy!

Had lunch with cheryl,dhevi and marisa....was supposed to study cog in the second hour..but slobs that we are. SIGHS.

Had a chat with Cheryl. Youre right cheryl...Im suppressing it under hatred. And youre right. Hatred is not the way to power my determination.
And youre right: Im quick to be determined but not many ppl know the other truth. Heh, lets just leave that in the dark shall we?

So i take it back. I would have deleted the darn post but again, Cheryl, youre right. Its a process. Besides, its a little hypocritical of me....

So yes, its true. Sometimes Im hot, sometimes im cold...sometimes im hot, sometimes im cold...on and on and on...I guess its not easy being you. If i were you, id be so frustrated with me...and then i'd run away from me...you know, that temperamental, highly emotional girl that farah is....id run far far faraaaaaa away.

So here i go, [heaves big sigh]

Im sorry.

I dont know if you still read my blog....Im sorry nonetheless. Im sorry for puttin you in a spot.

SO SOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYY.

There.

So now, hatred aint gonna fuel me....my fuel....is well....im still trying to figure out..maybe my fuel...is just to do my best. Just to be happy. Satisfied.

That's it. I shall just work as hard as i can. And whatever i get or how i do, i'll be satisfied.
That feels so much better. So so much better.

Quando quando quando playing now. :)

PS: Thanks chris. Thanks for everthing...OH!! and for educating farah on how to get to orchard from school...heh, take 95, drop after buena vista MRT...the take 111 and drop after lucky plaza to get to heeren!! Wheee~ hahahhahahaha..im prob the last undergrad to know the way to town by bus! better late than never..

Oh yea, in case youre wondering, i went there to collect the photos...havent seen em. Should be interesting.HAhahahahhaha.

Okay okay.....enjoy youre weekend peeps!

You do not exist

I feel so miserable. I dislike rainy days. The weather just gets to me. I felt absolutely terrible after class today. You know, the kind of despair you cant exactly put your finger on? The kind you just wanna sit in a corner all alone and cry your eyes out and you dont even know why? Of course you wouldnt know. Youre not me. I highly doubt it was social psych alone. It could very well be PMS. Which is why im probably grumpy/depressed/down in the dumps/color me blue now.

So, you do not exist. You do not exist. You do not exist. You do not exist. You do not exist. You do not exist.

At all.

I was only dreaming.

And ive woken up.

You are nothing to me.

Does it hurt?

It does? Really? Good.

It should. Cos i sure as hell feel like that and im blaming it on YOU.

Well, thats what irrational farah would think and do.

But i asked for it didnt i? I asked for it. To tell you the truth, im beginning to think that it was the most brilliant idea. At least now, my hate for you is fueling my determination. I hate you.

I hate you for listening to me.

See you in a month's time then.

Whatever.

This is my blog. This is how i feel at this moment in time. Regrets? I probably will have some. In fact, i"ll probably regret the moment i click "publish post"...but you know what? At least this makes me feel good for a moment. Even if its for a moment. So excuse me while i gratify myself. Gratify? is that even a word?
Heh, you might not even read this. Maybe by then, i"ll feel all normal again...and all happy and then i might delete this hurtful post.

But for now, let me wallow alone.

Alone.

It aint good enough

It isnt. I just saw my results for social psych. I passed, but i am not happy. It was an easy peasy paper. Dammit. I should be grateful...so why do i feel so angry? I feel really really angry. I could punch anyone now. Dont you flash your results at me. I wont even ask you. Dont ask me. Oh no, im becoming one of THOSE. Those ppl. Shame on me. Shame shame shame on me.

bla bla bla bla...many disjointed thoughts

Well, gee, FINALLY i can blog!

Its so frustrating not being able to vent my thoughts/feelings and whatever!! Im addicted to blogging! I mean i have like a trillion little things to write about!!1 So many. I mean where do i get my inspiration from? honestly? Everywhere....when im on the bus, on the train, walking home..when im SUPPOSED to be studying...in the toilet...EVRYWHERE

Eugene is sitting in front of me now, telling me to curl the bottom part of my hair. Like HUH?

Gargh...so many thoughts...where do i begin....to tell the story of la la la la laalaaaa.....

deviating i am. Speaking of deviation...I spent the whole time in Stats tutorial yesterday feeling dumb. And so, feeling horrible and suddenly inspired to study stats, i studied stats. Duh.
Was happily bobbing my head to my Muvo....so pleased with my Muvo...so many diff genre of music in my little Muvo. Classics, soundtracks, Blue (im not really a boybandfan but i mean, blue's not bad..at least they dont sing soppy sappy songs all the time..nice bouncy tunes), french songs, and soundtracks...ive got forrest gump, dragonheart, legends of the fall...bla bla bla....so many....so anyway, was learning about Regression....and how knowing the regression equation would allow you to determine/predict one variable from the other...and that the regression line is actually pretty easy....its the straight line formula :Y=bX + a, where b is given by Cov of XY divided by variance of X. Oh and that if we were to subtract 10 from every X value, correlation bet the two variables remain THE SAME!!! My my my!
SO, then, i needed to go to the toilet so i switched my Muvo off and tucked him safely away in my bag, away from prying eyes and itchy fingers. Felt a little worried...i mean are NUS students trustworthy??? Ah well....i left anyway...bladder couldnt take the caffein. So anyway, when i went back, GASP GASP GASPPPPPPP my little Muvo didnt wanna wake up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Thank god, its still under warranty!!!!!! im in the midst of calling the creative support team..gargh...I DONT WANNA SPEAK TO A MACHINE!!!!!!!!!!!

Social psych results are on the board...shall take a peek later. I sooo want an A for this module. Insya-allah...

Had french just now. my tutor says that my french is okay...but that once i screw up somewhere, my temper gets in the way and then i babble rubbish. okay, he didnt say that explicitly la. Speaking of french i PASSED...but then Ching yong just went "so what...must consider how the rest did" True. very true.

Pink! Saw a couple of guys in pink over the last few days. Man, some dudes can carry off pink. Others cant for nuts. So if youre a guy and you wanna wear pink, please, for god's sake, look in the mirror. Youve got to be either gay and proud of it...or damn hot.

And speaking of hot. I think im attracted to the big ones......THE BIG BRAINS!!!! man, during stats class...that superly duperly smart guy was like answering all the questions la! make the rest of us feel stupid...and when he's not answering, he has this deep brooding intellectual look.........ahhh.........OOOHHHHh and he did this REALLY cool thing in classs yest!!! he was like arguing with the tutor...and suddenly in the middle of his sentence, he sooo coooooly took out his handphone and went "but the question....hello, im in class now...." (silence). Whoa. i wish i could do that. Swoooon. Maybe im progresssing....im no longer gg for hot guys? but hot brains?? NAH. I need eye candy.

Blank. Oh yes, for a moment there i couldnt type!

So, yesterday morning, in the weeee-est hours, my sister left for Greece. What is love? I mean really? Its dragging your sleep deprived body to the airport even though your sister says "its okay". thats love.

And so, i have the room to myself till the 16th of April.

What else should i type? Eugene just asked me to check my results now so i can blog it in later.
Shaun Goh just burped. Thanks dude. SIGH.

Im vomitting blog entries.....hmmm....okay, i"ll post this now. then i"ll come back if i have things to add! I think ive deprived Linyen of her lappy for too long.

Arts club blasting music now......advertising their camp. Crazy crazy crazy for ya baby..im losing my mind....

Damn arts club for playing sappy songs on a rainy day. "remember me this way" WHAT THE HELL???? STOP IT LAH.

I keep on falling.............in and out....of SLEEP

GARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....this is my second time typing this post cos i dunno why, the first time it didnt turn out right!

Anyway, i JUST WOKE UP. Can you believe it? Ive turned into a slob. I mean I slept at 12.30 am last night cos, no, i wasnt studying, I WAS ON THE PHONE!!!! i was on the phone the whole day FOUR different people!!!!!! Even my dad was flabbergasted that he went "Wah, farah, marathon ah?" Yunxian, tsk tsk tsk. Why didnt you slam the phone on me and tell me to study?
-_-

Then i woke up this morn at like 10am...bummed ard the whole day and when i finally gathered myself to do some soci readings, i fell asleep at 1pm!!! Argh. I just zonked out to LA LA LAND!!!!!!!!! I didnt even know i fell asleep until i woke up!

And im supposed to go out for dinner later with cheryl and melinda...

So guilty. Another day and nothing's been done.

Im so gonna make sure i study later tonight!!!

Today's the last day of my sister's exams. Her finals. THE finals. By now, she's probably done.I mean 5 years of med school...over in flash...and in a few days time, she's on her way to GREECE for a vacation while i rot here TRYING to mug. Ah well, she deserves it. She's worked so so hard and so consistently. I can only dream of being like her!!

My other bro's leaving for taiwan for a month cos of work...so the house will be pretty quiet...I should have no excuse NOT being able to concentrate. The only distraction is my other brother who loves to annoy me. Ah well.

Ok ok, i shall try to cram something in my head before i leave. Must try.

Hello, my name is Farah....and Im 20

[yes, its a stupid title, yunxian. -_-]

Its a new beginning! A new phase of life.

Had a fantastic birthday yesterday! I think, this is one of my best birthday's ever!!!!!
[At this juncture, my mom just rang me up to tell me that my dad is up on stage at Century Square as I type...ACTING as Romeo. What the?! Man, I have totally cool parents!]

Yeah, i spent the entire day slacking. Went out with my mom SHOPPING! Retail therapy! She bought me this funky pair of shoes, jeans, another pants and a nice pink top! Hahahahahha......Finally, i have a new set of clothes!

Then at night we celebrated with the cake, prayer, and photos. Heh, i dont know how to upload photos on my blog though. Ah well.

Wheeeeee~ i feel so so loved. Friends from past and present sorta remembered! Hahahhahahah.

Im plugged in to my Muvo now....[bobs head up and down]

Alright, Im farah and Im 20. But im also Farah who might possibly screw up her CAP CAP CAP if she doesnt stop declaring holidays for herself!!

GET A MOVE ON ALREADY!!! [cant believe im typing to myself]
Eh, readers of my blog, can you please kick my ass if you see me slacking or smt. Dont talk to me! Just show me your hand and say "CAP FARAH YOUR CAP"

Happy 20th Birthday to ME!!!!

My last day being a teenager.

Alas, i cannot escape the inevitable:aging.

It is my last post as a 19 year old. What have i to say to myself? I'd actually come up with an entry for today but i cant seem to remember it though! Haha, signs of aging.

I suppose i"ll just type anything that comes into this young head of mine! Hhahah...

OH YES!!!!! i LOVE MY BROTHER!!! woohoooo! Farah's got an MP3 player!! Yeah, he called me up when i was in school earlier today and he asked me what i wanted and i told him...and he asked me 'what's the specification" and i went "anything"...

And now, im a proud owner of a Creative mp3 player that can store like (GASP) 1 GB!!!!
Features:
Skip free MP3/wma player
directly record music frm any audio source with line-in
tune in and record FM radio
voice record with in built mike
fast music transfer with USB 2.0
Simple drag and drop music and data files,no software needed
store data files such as photos and presentations
reversible LCD for left or right handed operation
weight:22.7g w/o batt
up to 15hrs batt life
size: 3.35x6.65x1.3cm
signal to noise ration: up to 90dB
frequency response: 20Hz to 20kHz
Harmonic response: <0.1%


I have absolutely no idea what that all stands for! Heh, im just glad i have an MP3 player FINALY!!! No more boring radio. No more silent journeyon the MRT when underground. WHeee~

I feel so guilty my bro forked out like a whooping amt of money on me....but he said "if i dont spend it, what will i use the money for"...

Still.

Whee~ i love my life. Im so so so so so SO blessed to be born into this family of mine. So blessed. I dont think i want anything from them anymore...except their love and support.

In fact, ive just remembered what i wanted to type in as my entry. I wanted to make a huge shout out to all my friends. I mean i must really thank each and everyone of you who played a part in my life, big or small, consciously or not, cos without you, i wouldnt be where i am today. You all know who you are.

Thank you for being in my life. Yes, YOU.The one reading this right now.

PS: to all those who expected me to put up my bdae wish list again, im sorry, im not gonna...
All i want and need from you is your prayers, thought and friendship. Your very presence in my life is your gift to me. And im so so blessed if im in your thoughts alone. Thats all i ask. :)

headache

okay, maybe club beats isnt my thing. Or maybe i turned the volume to high up. In any case, realised that club beats is not techno, which is good, very good..its growing on me.

Im home now. Damn. Couldnt focus in school. Dunno why. Wasted the entire afternoon. heh, and there were two cute guys in the lib, sitting at the table gen and me were at. Ahahahaha....Twins some more! yes, genevieve, you blushed big time! So embarrassing lar! You take the blue shirt one and i"ll take the white shirt one! Hahahhahaha. ;p AND!! gen just told me that one of them (my white shirt dude) is a model!! hahahahhaah. Okay, okay. stop it farah.

Came home only to realise someone in the block's renovating. bah!

Will commence mugging in a bit!

Numb

My fingers are freezing. Brrrr. On the 6th floor of the lib. No idea why im online when I SHOULD BE MUGGING!

Know why? Cos im falling asleep. Dammit. Argh. Must keep awake.

French test tmr. Got back stats test. Failed. yes, FAILED. But i still got a double digit so im overjoyed. Still, I FAILED. Hence i ought to feel crushed. Or am i numb to failure? NOT! Im gonna bloody mug la! I WILL NOT FAIL AGAIN.

Wah, fingers really numb....
Listening to symphony 92.4 now cos i cant stand mainstream channels anymore. All they keep playing are bloody love songs love songs love songs. "oh you complete me" "how can i live without you" "come back to me" "i want you" BLA BLA BLA. I mean come off it!
BARGH. So annoying.

And eugene, i think ive converted to a WKRZ fan too. Gimme club beats anytime.

Music wise, i think ive gone bipolar: Club beats and classicals?

hahahha. Whatever helps keep my mind from wondering.

THINK OF CAP. THINK OF CAP. THINK OF CAP.

One month from today (actually, yesterday) is MY FINALS.

Cannot afford to screw up.

Screw everything else. My grades comes first.

Made over

Phew. Just came home from the make over place. I knew there was a catch somewhere. NOTHING COMES FOR FREE. I fell for the marketing gimmick dammit. Gargh. Ah well. Im too lazy to type it all out.

Just that i thank my lucky stars i have friends who were willing to chip in to defray the cost so that effectively, the make over was a present from them!

Anyhoos, my unofficial holiday ends today.

SO BACK TO WORK FARAH!!!

mug mug mug!

PS: i hate make-up. I really really do.

EGYPT, a good hair day and a phone call

All the above made me smile. Nice weekend. Good weekend. One of the best weekends this year. I officially gave myself the weekend off...had to rejuvenate after the burn out!

Came home on friday and just konk out.

Sat: Went to the Adidas fair (which was rather disappointing...saw a top that had its price jacked up. Such injustice!)
Went to the travel fair at Suntec. Was disappointed cos my dad was willing to subsidise my trip to Australia as MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT.(erhem...its drawing near heheheheh) but ended up with nothing. I was sooo sad. My mom couldnt decide where to go..she kept insisting "Anything la, up to you" and i hated that so much. Cos i didnt want the decision to be unilateral. I was fed-up. In the end my dad wanted to go Tioman!! TIOMAN!!! What the?! Degenerate from Aust to Tioman!!! Then was walking ard...and then i saw TURKEY. Oh my gosh, i wanted so so badly to go there. Ive always wanted to go there...and be at that bridge that connects Asia to Europe...Then i can proudly say that "Ive been at two continents at the same time". Plus i heard the people there are gorgeous. Plus theres the Grand Bazaar...where i can buy all the nonesense trinkets and stuff to make myself happy.

But no, we left empty handed. And so i resigned myself to the fact that i would never in my life ride on an airplane.

Then, sunday came...

Turns out, my bro wanted to go Egypt. I tried swaying him to go turkey but he insisted there's nothing there! Plus he wants to practice his Arabic. Then i looked at the brouchures about Egypt.....and then i dont know.......I was still not convinced....cos Egypt didnt have a lot of places for my mom to shop. She might not like it...plus its really hot....turkey's a cool 20 degrees...

So i went down to the travel fair once again...and this time with my bro..and we compared Egypt and Turkey...turkey was far cheaper than Egypt at all the agencies except one....and i read the itenary (how do you spell it?) and i was taken in!!! And.....before i knew it,

IM GOING TO EGYPT!!!!!!!

wohooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!! PLus, this will be my first plane ride in my life and im going to EGYPT!!!!

My first international stamp (unless you count bintan, which isnt fair) and IM GOING TO EGYPT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IM GOING EGYPT!!!! The land of the pyramids, and mummies!! Heeeeeeheeeheeeee.....

Im so excited! Now, i have a goal. Im gonna mug bloody hard to make sure i earn the trip. I will mug so so soso hard. Oh yes, i will. Watch out everyone, cos Farah's back in business!!

hehehehe.

Okay, so im having a good hair day too! Was gonna cut my hair and color it over the weekend but sheesh, that time of the month HAD to come. So i couldnt. Anyway, my hair's behaving itself for now....and yeah, today's my photo makeover rubbish thingy.

BUT, i look like a panda. Residual dark rings and eye baggies still left from last week's sleep deprivation.....I suppose this is where we see the wonders of concealers!

And then there was that phone call. :) It lasted till 2.30am this morn. Hence the dark circles. But it was worth it. And fun. And nice. Heheheheheheh. [giggle giggle]

C'est tout! (Mais.....Pour maintenant)

My day has finally ended. How i had been anticipating this week to end. And now thats its here, you cannot imagine the overwhelming relief i feel right now. And what a day it was.

When i got home this morning, i thought i'd just konk (its a word i invented. /konk/: verb, used to describe the instantaneous moment one falls asleep. I konked out on my bed when i got home last night.) but no, i didnt.

Instead, i had to go through what i would describe as the "WHY ME ESPECIALLY NOW" kinda situation. There i was, heading to my room, when i remembered to pack my bag in case i'd have no time to when i wake up. So i recalled having to bring this bunch of receipts from the SWAPS dialogue thingy. I needed to claim the money from the treasurer and the department. To my horror (what a cliched phrase), it was no where to be found. False memories were created and yes, i was fooled by them. "i put em all in a white envelope and left it in my file....no, on my table."

So i spent my time at 2++ am, searching for a white envelope everywhere. I even rummaged through my dustbin "luckily my sis hasnt cleared the bin for weeks", i thought. But oh no, the white envelope was not there.

And so, i started panicking. Resigned that the forces of the world was against me. That i was being punished. I called cheryl up and whined. Whined to karina and nirwan online. (come to think of it, what the heck were you guys doing up so late/early?)

And then, dunno why, i became numb. I decided to take a warm shower. It was then that I told myself, "what is money anyway but a material thingy...i mean its 200 bucks plus....i suppose this would be a painful reminder to be careful nextime..and NEVER EVER DEAL WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S MONEY AGAIN. And that i suppose i should absorb the cost and reimburse those involved. It was my responsibility".

And so i left the bathroom with a sigh. Ah well. Life's experiences. Went to pray before resuming my search....then...

It wasnt a white envelope i should be looking for!! its RED! i put em in an ang pow!! And suddenly, i remembered putting it in my BAG. and ta-da! It was there!

Moral of the story: Always take responsibility for your actions. Good things will come your way. Also, mental note: do not panic too fast in future. It wont help.

anyway, glad friday's over. My bro's picking me up in a few minutes....i hope.

so many things i wanna type...so little time (lib closing at 9).

Till next time then!

TGIF! i mean really!

eaten by my eating juices

Its true! Im STILL in school at such an ungodly hour. AND, i have effectively done NOTHING for stats. BUT I DONT CARE. I am hungry, cold and sleep deprived. HUNGRY.

I dont care. I just want friday to be over and done with.

This is ridiculous. I am in school, by the time my bro get here at 1 am, i will reach home at 2am. And then i'll have to pray and shower. then sleep. then wake up in 3 hrs time at 5.30am. Shower and eat. and then drag my body back to school for a STATS TEST AT @ 8 Bloody AM!!!

GARH.

haiz. I WANNA GO HOME.

Ive FINISHED my cog paper!

Yeah, i completed it at the ungodly hour of 4.10AM this morning Pretty impressed i didnt feel tired at all. Anyway, Thank God its done and over with. Im so afraid to read the document i saved in case upon re-reading i realise its out of point. That would be oh-so painful. I'll just check thru one day before submission. ;p

Thanks Eugene and Joanna for the tips. Realised i would have been writing in circles w/o your help to begin with!

Im supposed to be having my Soci lecture now but im at home. I just got up and bleh, im too lazy. To think abt it, I'll not make it on time anyway.

Have french lect at 6pm though. So i guess i'll have to be the goondoo who drags herself to school when everyone else has finished classes.

Alright. Must mug for social psych.

Actually ar...

Haiya, I think ive seen the light. Okay, not as in Ive seen God or anything or that I had an epiphany...I just came to a mini-realisation...

I think Im a bloody over achiever. Okay, maybe. I mean all this while, I kept feeling all angsty and "oh my grades are sooooo screwed" and all cos man, i was stressed bout the little things. Fine, fine, grades arent so little in my life.....but you know, i think i gotta chill out. Smell the roses.....Enjoy the journey to a destination..bla bla bla that kinda thing.

Maybe, if i slack and relax a little, i might actually enjoy mugging? I dont know but maybe thats how Vemalan did it! He took the slack approach and did he ever fail ANYTHING? Hahahha.

Hmm....even though this is the beginning of a hellishly hectic week for me, i think i can manage. Haiya, can la. Bo pian lor. (i have absolutely no idea what i just said.)

Yes, yes, can lah. This week will come and go. Just do my best lor.

Heh, even my England in this post a bit messed up hor. All the singlish spewling (spilling) out.
Chewren.(children) hahahahhaha. Harlow, I am mimi choo. Can i helpchoo? HAhhahahahhahaha.

Why did i just type all that for? I dont even know. Just thought it was funny.

Oh man, I think ive gone bonkers.

And I feel so blessed to have people around me who care. Really. Really. Really. Gen, xiaowen, kenneth and the rest of you....thanks man.

I feel so loved! Ah, the world is wonderful!

Okay, i shall shuddup now and start on my cognitive paper. My offer still stands: I'll pay anyone to write for me my term paper. Any takers? I mean, seriously, any at all? Price is negotiable.

Feeling better....

Indeed i am...thanks for the tags an encouragement..really means a lot to me to know i have people ard me who cares. Really am genuinely touched. Knowing that youre there for me is already a lot. Thank you friends. Thanks adeline,karina,chris,gene,eugene,cheryl lee,cheryl Nott,pema..im sorry if i missed out on anyone...i really am...thanks to YOU nonetheless.

Im really sorry xiaoyan for what happened today. Really am. I feel terrible. I was selfish. I shouldnt have exploded. Justina too. Im sorry you had to see everything happen and cried along with me too. Im sorry lin yen. Thank you so much for being so resilient for us three. Thank you.

Sorry to everyone who had to bear with my grunts, sighs, whimpers and all. You guys are so much tougher than me. I take my hat off to all of you.

Got home from the open house deco. Thank you ppl for helping out. Now i need to get the roster done and then im done.

off i go then.

What a day indeed.

im a bitch. Hear me roar.

I cant believe what i did just now. I cant believe i did that. I cant believe i broke down and started sobbing at the Swaps table. The trigger was simple really. Someone was talking about the cognitive tutorial. And then i snapped. It was the accumulation of events really. For one, shaun ong was saying how he's almost done with the term paper. Then along came xiaoyan who started talking about the tutorial i havent prepared for. Then justina joined in. All that while, i was sitting down there, churning "oh my gosh, these ppl are as busy as me and THEY know wth gg on for lessons and I DONT"

And then i suddenly started sobbing violently like a pathetic shit. "I want it to end. I wanna drop out.. I hate the situation im in". Then i thought about my family and i sobbed more. Oh, how farah is gonna dissapoint them. How they think all is well in farah's world. They think that i can get that scholarship...they think...they expect.... And then i couldnt stop.

Then along came XY again, and she was about to say something and out of no where, i bacame a monster.

I screamed and her..and told her to "SHUT UP". I was frightened even of myself. I became and unstable psycho. Im not surprised. It was about time...and i guess i saw it coming this mornin. I mean who wakes up in the morning crying at 6 bloody AM?

Yeah, i just started weeping and sniffing my eyes/nose off away after my morning prayers. Haiz....i thought that was it.

But no.

I feel darn stupid now. I mean, i said pretty mean stuff to her. Im sure you know (or wouldnt want to know) how horridly caustic i can be when provoked. Ive apologised. But still. Horrible.

Im a horrible person.

I deserve what shit im in right now. I ....I.. I dont know what to say anymore.

I disgust myself.


PS: I resent the question " Are you okay?" Because Im not. I realise that...and its okay to admit it. Im not okay.

I want it to end.

No, i am not suicidal. Never will be. That's just dumb. LIfe is beautiful really. Just that i havent got the time to smell the roses.

Its 7.30pm. I am so so tired. Of what? Everything.

I shall mention it again: I WANT THIS SEM TO END.

I have even lost interest in the fact that my birthday is coming. Im not excited anymore. In fact, i dont want it to come cos that would mean my datelines are nearing. I dont wanna celebrate it anymore. I just want to be alone. I just want to get away from people you know. I just wanna be able to breathe again. I want to be able to be chirpy and carefree...wait... was i ever? MAybe ive always been like this. A worrywart.

Or maybe im just saying it cos im feeling pretty darn lousy now. DOnt worry bout me. Farah will survive. But it still doesnt mean she's having a ball right now.

So go ahead, have your life and dont bother about me. You're lucky you have one. Im just a walking/waking zombie.

Man, do i sound depressed. But dont worry im not.

I still laugh and smile.

I still eat. sometimes.

I still watch snippets of TV.

I still talk to people.

Im perfectly normal.

I just want a hug.

I need a hug... and someone to say everything will be alright and that
"farah, youre doing a great job. Its okay...dont worry".

bah, since no one will, i"ll just say it to myself :
"Farah, im proud of myself aka you(aint this confusing). Youre/Im doing a fantastic job at managing your/my school, family, cca, etc. Keep it up farah. You/I can do it. Everything will be okay"


PS: Blast everyone who thinks otherwise. Who cares what they think? If they think they can do a better job, shove it up their bottom then.

Now now, profanities will not get me anywhere. So sod off naysayers.

Ahh...feel better now. A little.

Have i mentioned how i screwed up my french oral this morn? Yeah, well, i did. Quoi je dois maintenent? je ne sais pas. C'est la vie. C'est la vie. C'est la vie.

What a day. Phew.

Well, social psych presentation is OVER for now. I am amazed how our team managed to overcome all obstacles to deliver a rather good presentation given we had only 1 day to complete! Too bad the video we made didnt work out in class....but overall, the tutor said that our presentation was good considering the constraints ie: AWOL groupmate, etc etc.

So a big THANK YOU to my team mates Genevieve, Kimberly and Charmaine. WE DID IT.

Also, Thank you gene for lending us your camera.

One down. Many many more to go. I cannot emphasise enough how i want this sem to end. Maybe asking for this year to end is a bit too much but ahhh....

Well, lets see what things farah has to do over the course of two weeks now shall we?

Thurs 10th March: French oral
Sat 12 th march: Open House
Thurs 17th March: Social psych mid term test 30%
Fri 18th March: Cognitive term paper due 20%
Fri 18th March: Stats 2 Test 2 15%
Tues 22nd March: French test
Tues 22nd March: Sociology write up due

So forgive me if i may seem highly pissable over the coming days ya? And yes, saying "I HATE SWAPS" felt really good. But its not true. It just feels good to say it la. Cathartic.Yes, thats the word.

Haiz.

Perservere, i shall.

one day, in the future, i shall look back on this and say "Pish, that was nothing!"

A series of unfortunate events

Just learnt this morning that my social psych presentation will be tmr and not two weeks from now! What am i doing blogging? BACK TO WORK!!! Argh.

In the student lounge in YIH now....managed to come out with a rough outline for tmr with gen. Breathe in. Breathe out. Feeling quesy.

Can.

Can do. And when this is over, I"ll just laugh about it.

Its only 20% right. Right. Not helping.

Allah will guide me. I feel horrible cos i kept cussing when i found out this morn. I should have been less....vulgar...and more composed...and reasoned that this is just another one of His tests. I will get thru this. Insya-allah.

Well, i"ll give it my best. I will.

~Breathe in life and breathe out ~

Altogether now....SIGH!

Continuing from where i left off yesterday. Im underperforming. I got back my cognitive paper back. Guess what? The mean was freaking 42/60!! 42!! Wth! So high lar! Whats wrong with some people? Why must they get full marks for MCQ and spoil the market the rest of us? I passed and dont get me wrong, im very grateful..at least I still fell within the standard deviation so phew.

But ive gotta watch out.

I want my life back. Wait, what was it anyway? Did i even have one?

Ah, the complexity of it all. I like Swaps but Im tired of perpetually having to meet some deadline and make sure things dont screw up. But i like the people. Nice people.

Aussi, j'ai un nouveux ami. Il est tres gentil est tres beau! Oui, je pense que, je suis tombe pour lui...un peu...Haha.... Mais, je n'ai pas de temps pour lui. Je suis tres triste. Pourqoui maintenant? Quand je suis tres occupe et j'ai trop travailler. Je voudrais lui bon connais mais.......haiz. Je ne sais pas encore. Nous avons smsed et ecrite email et ditons en msn...mais...ah whatever la

I dont even know why i burst out in french. Maybe its a good idea after all...At least i can practice it! I reckon my futur simple still sucks..need to work on it. Need to brush up on vocab. Blah. Overall, i think that paragraph sorta make sense..grammatically wrong here and there but considering it came at the top of my head, im quite pleased! Soon, i"ll be able to write an entire essay in french! ;)

D-day Part Two

Just go home. Really tired. Now they're both over.....over....over. I should be glad....relieved..satisfied...but strangely, i feel nothing. I mean i tried psyching myself into believeing that im super satisfied and all but i realised...i feel....nothing.

Could it be because i know that its far from over? That this is only the beginning? Cos i know i will never be completley free. That i will never be able to put 100 per cent into my studies ie my real work as an undergrad? That it wont even be over this semester? It will be only truly over in late August? How satisfied can i be? Heh, to think i kept saying "i cant wait for this sem to end" when by gosh, "i cant wait for THIS YEAR to end". Im so so so so tired. I just wanna focus on my studies. I am UNDERPERFORMING. That's the worst fact. I know that im underperforming and i cant do anything. I need more ME time.

Haiz.

Had french just now. Well, thats one down. And in a sad twist of events, i will have my french oral next thurs and know what? I know i"ll be busy preparing for open house.

I JUST WANNA CUT AND RUN. RUN AWAY FROM IT ALL.

But no, i cannot. Farah is not that type of person. Even though im far from perfect, i never back out of something i agree to do. Well, at least i try to the best of my ability lah. Bah. I just i just gotta suck it up and fulfill my obligation/duties to the best of my ability. Perhaps God wants me to learn something.....like time management? Haha.

Haha.

caught in the whirlwind of life

Trying to sound cheem as usual.

So anyway, got back my stats paper today. One word. Alhamdulillah. Really. Im just so thankful i passed. I will work harder.

French test tmr. Shall MUG!

Tried doing research for cognitive psych term paper. To no avail. Got lost among the books. Cant believe im on the waiting list for Fodor's book. Which i can only get my hands on after the term paper due date! How? hmm.

Realised i wasnt invited to some ex-Victorians day. Everyone got an email about it except me. Not that i can make it this sat la...but still!!! Just like how the MCS invited everyone else to the hari raya dinner thingy..except ME! Again, not like i'd even bother to attend! Sheesh.What? Did I like not exist in VJ? Oh ya, I didnt. Except for the class photo, you will not find my face anywhere else in the year book! Cos i missed the CCA photos. Ah well. Make myself seem exclusive! Hahahah. I feel better now. :P

And SEAN (aka shaun) my little malaysian friend!!!!!! thank you sooooo much dude for the e-card! Perk of the day cos i totally wasnt expecting your e-card. Little things like that quite meaningful you know! Truly touched. Here's an excerpt:

"hey dudette..heheh..wutz up la??..thought this was cute..like the guy who's sendin this 2 u..(hehehe...jk jk..)so u came across my mind la..jadi I kirim this e-card 2 u lor...so hopefully our friendship is based on the pyramid as well ya..n hope 2 be friends 4 many many more years 2 come ok..hehehe..cioaz!!!

Haiya, have i been neglecting my friends? I think I might have. All because i have been caught in the whirlwind of life.

French is on THURS...bah!

And now.....Its 9pm.

Phew. Im tired. So tired.But its over. Over. Over.

Need to focus on SC paper tmr......and FRENCH which I havent touched. Haiz.

But I must say....I think the event went pretty well. Better than I expected. So kudos to my entire team and everyone who helped me in one way or another. Thanks a lot. And heh, kudos to ME! hehehehhe

Alright. Im gonna mug now. Still in school.....Still reeling in. MUG MUG MUG.

D-day Part 1

This is it. In approximately 6 hours time, all that I've been working for as Director of Academics will come into play. Finally, the event is here. I just pray to God that everything will run smoothly. Please let there be no glitch. Please please please please please.

Will update on how the event went later.....

Please let things run smoothly.........

Achyyyyyyyy

Finally had my run yesterday after weeks of postponing it....Farhana had exams, I fell sick...Farhana fell down and couldnt run...I had work to do....So we ran. All the way to Pasir Ris PArk. Heh, considering I hadnt run in ages, Im rather pleased with myself!

But my thighs are oh-so achy now. It hurt real bad when i got our of bed this morn. Still, no pain, no gain! (even though experts might wince at this statement)

On a brighter note, I finnally got my first pay! WOhhoooo im rich!!! I have income again! Tuition is the most lucrative career for an undergraduate I tell you!

Now, if only i can find the time to go shopping. I feel like buying stuff.

Hmmm.

Make over?!!! ME??!!

Make overs. I have always thought that only vain and pompous people actually go for, as my friend puts it, glamour shots. I remember that there was this girl back in JC who went for some make over thingy and she brought the whole album of her shots and showed it to everyone. I mean....why on earth would you want to show pictures of yourself, heck, its not even how you look like cos I mean really, you dont look like that lah.Its the make up and styling and whatever.

So ANYWAY, before you think im hypocritical and all, yes, Farah is going for a make over on the 21st of March 2005....JUST BECAUSE ITS FREE!!!. Im doing it because im a singaporean. Its free lor thanks to my metro card. I'm pretty reluctant really but evryone said i should so BAH im going, im going! So its set. Just that well, its a bit pathetic really....I mean dress up and all just for a photo! There's no purpose for dressing up! farah does not dress up unless theres a purpose....i mean...i"ll be like all dressed up and no where to go..but home. So dumb. and pathetic!!!!

Ah well, on the plus side, at least i"ll be able to capture my youth!My last days as a teen. Before i turn 20. Then again, wouldnt all my other photos also capture my youth?

Argh. Cant believe im like torn whether to go or not. IM GOING LA. so there.

Crybaby

Im such a cry baby. I cant believe I cried today after watching snippets (not even the whole movie)..SNIPPETS of this show called 'Tuesdays with Mourrie'. I was in school watching it as part of this Hospice Care Association awareness program. Man, i dont even know why tears welled up in the first place! I mean the movie was about a dying man and how he was coping with his impending death due to this disease he has which would render his limbs wasted bit by bit. The two main characters were this guy called Mitch and Mourrie, the dying professor. Mitch was his ex-student. I think the show/book is about how Mitch realised the beauty and fragility of life after being completely submerged and lost in the hustle and bustle of work..it was Mourrie's final lesson for him....

There were some pretty beautiful quotes from the show...its in my bag now and im darn lazy to take it out and type....but wow. really.

I tried stifling my tears and all. Each time I felt that lump in my throat, I reached for my water bottle....but no.....one tear escaped and then the shower began. I couldnt help myself. I told myslef to suck it up cos no one else in the brightly lit room was crying! But i couldnt stop. I couldnt imagine losing anyone I love. It was too painful to even think about it.

Anyway, thankfully, the program ended shortly. I laughed it off. How silly of me.

Then had social psych proj meeting. And one of my groupmates was telling us how she lost her boyfriend the day before she had an exam last year. They were gonna get married in due time. Sad. sad. sad. But i admire her soooooo much. She was able to recount the event and all....I couldnt do anything. I didnt know what to say. I just told her that i admired her tenacity. Her will to go on. Indeed i do.

Would I be able to continue? I dont want to find out at all.

One month, 2 days left

Thats right. I have one month and 2 days left before I am no longer a teenager. I will be 20 years of age. 20. TWENTY!! 2 decades on the planet. My heart has been beating for 20 years. I have been breathing for 20 years. Yikes!! 20 years old I will be in one month and 2 days time.

Okay, now that that's over and done with, here's my Birthday Want List in no particular order! So people, listen up!!!

1) A nice big house in East Coast
2) A nice REAL red car (dont try to be funny and give me a drawing or worse, a toy car!!)
3) Money
4)MP3 player
5) A nice hottie ;)
6)Money
7)A more efficient brain
8)someone who would give me tuition for stats, cog psych and french and soci and social psych. heh, thats everything for this sem
9)A certain pink nike cap
10)Nice clothes
11) nice bags
12)nice shoes
13)A pair of shades
14)watch
15)wallet
16)a personal trainer
17)a dietician
18) nice accesorries?
19) a nice hottie with a brain of course
20) Contact lens!! My old ones are drying up!

Alright, alright....im not asking for everything!!! its the thought that counts la. I suppose your friendship and support is all i need. And your prayer. Im not that materialistic!! Oh but i beg you, do not give me stuff toys! i already have tonnes of them. My mom will kill me if i bring anymore home.

Okay! thats it for now!

and i will buy buble's CD myself!! muahahahhahahahahah. i shall buy it before any of you buy it for me!!!!!!

I NEED TO START NOWWWW!!!

Argh. I need to start my term papers NOW. Need to start on cog psych!! need to start on Social psych!! Need to study for french exam and Soci exams on tues!! Need to breathe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

breathe.

Sappy songs.

Damn sappy songs. Damn sappy songs. Ah well, I cant stop this darn song playing ard in my head!!!!
So im gonna purge it this way...here it is!!!!

Artist: Ryan Cabrera
Album: Take It All Away
Title: True
I won't talk,I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might thinkI don't look
But deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attached to you

I'm weak
It's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try ,anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

You don't know
What you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak
It's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?

CHORUS

I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true

CHORUS.

There, Ive purged it out! Be gone sappy song. Be gone!!!

3 generations

Whoa. Its a HOT day. Im hungry. Mom not done with the cooking so here i am....

I have two grandmas in my hall right now. This is weird. 2 grandmas at the same place at the same time.Haha...cant explain it really. Which means that my bed will be hijacked yet again. The couch beckons. Ah well.

My bro came out on the telly yesterday. He didnt even tell us he was interviewed. He didnt want the whole world to know. I love my bro. He's really humble. Unlike me. Heh. I mean he deserves all the accolade but he just wants to be left alone. Humble humble humble. Still, i am so immensely proud of him, you know?

So yes, to those who sms-ed me, he is MY brother. I wouldnt want anyone else for a brother.

Okay, had a heart to heart talk with my sis. I love my sis too! Im so glad that even though we are 4 years apart, we still talk to each other and can be open and all. I know some people who hate their sisters!

I love my other brother too. Yes, he can be annoying at times but he looks out for me you know.

Of course, I love my mom and dad too. I love my mom. She is superwoman. I dont know how she does it. She's done so much for me that i cannot express it in words. Plus, she's like the coolest mom ever!

And dad, my my my. I love him so much too. I pray i will make him proud.

I am so blessed to be born with such family.

Blessed.

Breathe

Phew. What a week. But hey, i survived. Aint gonna talk about the tests! I just pray I pass. Thats all Im asking for. Thats all. As for the registration booth. Im satisfied. Im halfway there la.Okay, not gonna talk abt work cos im taking a day off!!

Was napping just now(yes, a nap). I guess i needed to catch up on the sleep i missed the whole week. And boy, it was refreshing. Im feeling contented! Ahhh.....

Oh yeah, was awaken by my handphone vibrating on my bed. Farhana called me up and asked me to look outside the window. To my horror, there was a lot of smoke! A bush fire!Another one this week! Exactly one week ago, the trees around the central lib caught fire. I remember it clearly cos during cognitive lect, Winston Goh was recounting one of his episodic memories while he was in the States and i remember thinking to myself "How come nothing happens in NUS" and haha well, when me, cheryl and marisa were walking towards the lib after lect, there was this "chao ta" smell....then there was like ashes floating ard and well, i thought some people were burning incense (in NUS? i dont know why i even thought so!). Then people started pointing to the trees near the central lib. Yea, a lot of smoke and all. And now the area that got burned down sticks out from the surrounding lush greenary. Strangely thought, the contrast is well, beautiful. I must take a picture of that and when i figure out how, then i"ll put it up on the blog.

Whats up with the weather these days? Its so dry..all the leaves and grass are brown and crisp. And i mean bush fires in Singapore?

Speaking of fires, i know that i have to thread carefully here but isnt it annoying how the ashes from incense comes flying into your home? I hate it really cos i live on the 4th floor and everytime they burn, the ashes come flying into my room and onto my bed. Grr. Worse, they aftermath of the incense burning is well, very inconsiderate cos patches of ashes on the pathways? Come on man.

ANYWAY,

Ooh, Im feeling HaPpY! WHEEEEEEEeeeeee..
Hhahaha, its a wonder what sleep can do for the soul!

Oh ya, poor thing, Zhisheng was hospitalised. Went to visit him that day(cant remember when. I dont even remember what happened the whole week really. days simply weaved in and out of themselves...but hey, its the weekend now so i aint complaining)

And hey, term break is IN! Not that that means i have the right to bum cos i dont. It would sorta be a non-break for me but hey, again, i dont wanna talk abt it now cos i dont feel like it!

Gonna fetch my grandma tmr. That is if my bro doesnt need the car! I want to drive so i wont lose touch. Hmm, I had my longest drive last week on CNY. All the way to NUS from my bro's camp. Shiok man.

Michael buble has a new CD. I want that CD. But i dont want it for my Bdae justina so dont you dare give me that for my bdae!!! I want something bigger and more expensive!!! Hahhah...besides, im gonna buy it when i get my first pay next sat!

alright, thanks to all those who tagged my blog to offer me support and encouragement.

I believe....

I believe in miracles because i believe in God.

It was a horrible week last week. Well, if not for the holidays, i suppose it would have been worse. In any case, i had never use so many profanities that easily in one day. It was F this, F that, F him, F her. I felt it was justified. I was pissed. And many people were pissing me off.......urgh. And under tremendous stress. I just felt like snapping.

In anycase, this week, beginning tmr, will be tougher and even more challenging. But this time, I will remember about Allah and how He has always helped me get through things. So i will be calm and let things unfold because everything happens for a reason. I was reminded about turning to Him by Wani. Thanks babe. I hope things will come through too. I just have to remind myself that

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

So what if i have 7 chapters of cognitive and stats each by this fri cos i'll be having my first common test? And that im i/c of the dialogue publicity thingy. Haiz. But i will perservere. If it means sacrificing my sleep, then so be it. Because, i will not screw up my studies. I WILL NOT ALLOW IT. So i"ll try my darnest. And if i do badly, at least i tried.

alright, im outta here. got tonnes of stuff to do.

Gong Xi Fa Cai everyone!!!

Single as a slice of cheese and i'm relishing each moment.

Damn, I really like that simile. I think its really catchy. Anyway, felt compelled to type this post after doing my social psych readings on “close relationships” particularly this article “will you marriage last” by aviva parz. Man, after reading it, I reckon my future is BLEAK, in terms of “romantic” relationships. The article is based on a research conducted by Ted Huston, PhD. He carried out a longitudinal study on couples, tracing their relationships prior and throughout their marriage for 13 long years. This is one of the pioneer studies where psychologists strive to find the reason why people divorce. After all, in the States, divorce rates have been hovering around an astounding 50%!

Hudson found out that 1) many newlyweds are far from blissfully in love.
2) couples whose marriages began in romantic bliss are particularly divorce-prone cos such intensity is hard to maintain.
3) people in lackluster marriages might actually have a higher chance to remain married compared to their counterparts.
4) the lost of love and affection and not the emergence of interpersonal issues that sends couples journeying towards divorce.

In any case, so how does all this actually pertain to me? After all, I am single and have never been in a relationship and trust me, I do not see myself tying the knot (an amazing metaphor, if you think about it) anytime soon. So why do I feel a tad miserable upon reading the article? Because, I have a feeling that when I do meet that person, I will fall into the exact same predicament as divorcees, looking back and wondering WHY. But I know why and that’s the scary thing, I know why NOW. When I’m even barely 20.

I know my marriage or heck, even my first relationship will be doomed to failure because I have extremely high expectations. My ideal guy does not exist. And I know it. But I can’t help it. Perhaps I will be able to overlook certain peeves but eventually, when expectations fail and as the relationship gets longer, I reckon, like most of the couples mentioned in the article, I will be less accommodating. That’s where my resentment will come in and I’ll go “why cant he be like that” etc etc etc. and henceforth, the downward spiral till the eventual death of the relationship.

What’s more, I am one who craves acceptance and approval from people, especially, ESPECIALLY from my family aka my parents, 2 brothers and a sister. If I don’t get their approval for a guy, then bye- bye. You may say that when I’m in love the whole world fades away blab la bla. But that’s Hollywood baby. Being stubborn, I might overlook the disapprovals but EVENTUALLY, it would resonate in my ears and then one day, after say months into the relationship, then what? I’ll start questioning “did I make the right move? Was my family right?” or worse “I should have listened to them.”

Then there’s the bit about my ideal guy. Where on earth can such a guy exist? He who has to measure up to both my brothers and sister’s amazing achievements in life? He has to be equal or more than what my bros and sister can provide me with. And man, that’s gonna be tough. I need my daddy and mommy’s approval. Sadly, I have a feeling that nobody would be good enough for my daddy’s little girl. Even though my parents say that as long as I bring home a nice decent muslim……. come on, I know my dad. Comparisons are bound to occur. Even if they don’t, I will think it will and that my friend is what would be my downfall. MY OWN BLOODY EXPECTATION, masked under my parents’. Because beneath all that, I want him to be more than all my siblings combined. I want that.

What’s worse, considering that I’ve never had a relationship before, can you imagine what my expectations of a first relationship will be like? I have been telling myself that the special one will come. That’s its okay, I’ll be patient. Can you imagine how I’d feel if he isn’t so special after all? DISSAPOINTED. Can you imagine how hurt I would be? How discouraged? I blame Hollywood. I blame filmmakers who psycho you into believing all this fairy tale romantic notions.

But I suppose I cannot escape the inevitable. I will get hurt, I will be disappointed. And there’s nothing I can do. Because even though I have this knowledge, I know will fall into this already laid trap. And then, I suspect I will be gravely disillusioned, if I have not already.

Sighs.

addicted

And so, my friend was right. Ive become an internet junkie. Surfing mindlessly, even though i know im supposed to be doing something much more productive like STUDYING! BAh! Need to practice self control....need to stay away from laptop. Need to stay away from laptop. Need to stay away from laptop.

NEED TO STAY AWAY FROM LAPTOP

Wireless is up!

And finally, after weeks of waiting, my wireless system is fixed! Im in my room now, typing on my lap top! This is soooooo coooool.

Just came back from tuition. The kids are pretty bright. Heh, i even borrowed the P6 kid's science textbook to read. Man, when she asked me why this hinge thingy operates as a lever and not as a wheel and axle, i almost fainted! Thank goodness I managed to weave myself out of that. How the heck am I supposed to know?!! Man, i really gotta refresh my memory...and soon!

In any case, im beginning to wonder why some ppl dont want others to read their blog. I mean im sure both of you have your reasons, but i suppose i wont understand. I respect your wishes though. The link is gone ya? Hope you guys feel better now.

CNY is coming and i bloody cannot wait. I soooo need the time to catch up on my readings. Heh, i have no excuse not to catch up! I"ll have sat, sun, mon, tues, wed and thu to MUG.

Jeannie invited me to this steamboat thingy at her place. Looking forward to it....
More about the class outing yesterday. We went to celebrate ms goh"s birthday albeit belated. Grace, nirwan,melinda,cheryl,jeannie,amy,ian, ms goh and me. It was nice to catch up and chat with em. Poking fun at Ian. I want him to buy me a car!!!!!! hahah as if.

Apparently, 02a52 and 51 were also ard town yesterday! It was like "nostalgia"/ reunion day or smt! I hadnt seen Nab for soooo long although ironically, she lives in the block behind mine.
Bumped into ppl like Santhya and Kartini also. It was good to see familiar faces from the past.

Bought myself a Harry Potter book. The order of the Phoenix for can you believe it?? $7.95! Unbelievable. I wonder what im gonna do with it now. I mean ive read the book already. Ah well, i"ll just keep it somewhere till im bored. Bored? as if i"ll have the time to be bored.

and thanks sean, for the card. no one send e-cards nowadays. It was a nice surprise!

And cheryl lee is Boo! ;0

And so.....

Its been a while since i could get myself typing. I think im cracking. My head's not exploding but its developing hair line cracks. But im optimistic. I take back all the bad things i said about my subcom. I like them. I think their trustworthy. I think i'd be shattered to pieced without them.
Ive also kinda learnt to work on my own. Ive been depending too much on zhisheng. Heh, i read his blog and well, i wasnt glad to see that he thinks that im one who needs weaning. Perhaps i do. In fact, i guess i am like that. But at least im cutting it back.

Im not gonna talk abt my swaps stuff yet. Finished typing out emails to ppl...im sick of typing the same thing.

Im glad i have friends outside swaps. Its not that i dont appreciate them. I love them all. Without them, my uni days would be immensely empty. But recently, i find myself wondering....how come i dread going to the table? know why? cos i"ll constantly be reminded of work. swaps work. did you know i was so afraid to switch my pc on a few days back? that i was glad my comp hang and the connection was bad? that i rarely go on msn? i was running. i was escaping my responsibilities. i was a coward. but, at least i managed to take myself out of the wreck-ed stressed mess i was. I took a step back and begun prioritising...and im glad i did...things are looking up for me. Little things dont bother me anymore. I tell myself, if i can survive this, i will be prepared for life. LIFE. And of course, ive realised, i shouldnt be afraid to say im stressed. i was so sacred to admit it cos i was so afraid that people would compare their workload and commitments to mine and scoff. ive learnt that i am i. and they are they.

Im also glad i went for the 02a53 outing today. It was refreshing. I needed it. Yes, i was entitled to it.

till next time, i have 6 hrs to sleep cos ive gotta wake up early for tuition tmr.(yes, farah is employed!!! thanks joanne sime!)

or maybe im just selfish. i dont know anymore.

Last weekend,I learnt that its okay to admit i cant handle things as well as others. Thats why i will let some things go.

what is stress? its when your head feels like exploding but everyone else around you dont seem to notice. BAH.

WHERE ARE THEY!!!!!!!?????????

where the hell are my subcom members? Grrrrrrrrrrrssssss...they're 20 minutes late. HOW RUDE LA. gosh, you think im so free ah?

Breathe farah breathe.
sudahlah. dah malas. See im so angry im spouting malay words! WHERE ARE THEY!!!????????????????????????????????????

WHERE??????????????????????????????????????????

Im not in the mood to type anymore.

sighs.

Sappy songs...urgh

and then....

My dad is coming in half an hours time to pick me up (surprise surprise). So much for wanting to do work. I will start tonight then. I hope.

School is getting to me...

Indeed i think it has. But i've expected it to happen already. I knew from the start of this sem that school will be more stressful than last sem. Everyone probably knows they have to buck the heck up to improve their grades and all. People have begun mugging. I havent. I have no idea what's wrong with me. I have to buck up. It doesnt help that Im surrounded with people who's CAP are way above average yet are ungratefully whinning, saying it isnt good enough. Sod off. Nothings good enough for you people is it? I got what i got and heck im happy but each time i hear one of you ppl lament about how you didnt do well [but HAH! you got an A], you make me feel worse okay. So stop that. Sheesh. To think some of them arent even aware that they"re whining. But im not gonna let you off. I will tell it to your face to shuddup if any of you do that again. I mean i love you guys and thank you for somewhat subconsciously making me push myself harder but you really gotta know when to sod it and shut the heck up. Nobody likes a boast-er.

Also, i have finally found my direction in swaps. Ive had meetings with a couple of lecturers and im gaining confidence. Yes, i was absoultely lost when i came into office last sem but heck, im finally getting it. We have big plans indeed. Big plans that i hope would materialise. First up, im i/c of organising this dialogue thing for students, involving working social workers and psychologists. In a way this would overlap with the job fair and give students an insight to the possible avenues they can take upon graduation. I"ll be liasing with organizations/individuals from SASW/SPS so that would be a mega huge experience for me. In fact, im hoping that my big plans to conduct a forum involving Vivian balakrishnan at the end of this year happens. Its not a long shot...i just need to start planning now for next sem. My partner, shaun, is handling the internship stuff and social services awareness programme. I hope that my term in swaps would be fruitful. I want to do a good job. Im gonna make sure my successors have a distinct idea of what the acads cell does. History will not repeat itself. or at least i hope. [no offence to my predeccessors, of course]

That aside, im also gonna be handling the FOC publicity. Came up with a title for the camp and eugene okay-ed it but im trying to come up with more innovative ones. Its like advertising. Again, the invaluable experience. Im not sure whether im going to france anymore. Chin yong says its a waste of money. He went and said it was boring. So now im only 30% sure im going. Besides, if i leave, i"ll have to leave my pubs work to someone i trust. Ive suggested cheryl and melinda. I know they"ll do a good job but im also sure they"ll have plans for the hols themselves. Either way, im sure it wouldnt be a big problem. I can plan everything before i leave, should i choose to go.

Alright, tomorrow's hari raya haji. I dont really think ppl say "selamat hari raya" but oh well, SELAMAT HARI RAYA!
Too bad the whole family wont be around. My brother's still in Aceh. Have i mentioned how so immensely proud i am of him?

Okay, im gonna go mug now. In central library now. I'm gonna try and salvage as much time i have before i head home to the 'festivities' (great, my dad just called and he wants me back home early.) and get side-tracked. I'm already way behind in my readings. I need to catch up before tutorial commences.

Alright, I'm out of here!

I LOVE FORTUNE COOKIES!!!!!! mmmmmmmmmmmmm..yummy!

Singapore won!!!!!!!!

Woohoo! The tiger cup is ours! After years of dissapointment, my faith in the local soccer team has been restored! Well done Lions, well done. It was a good game indeed.

more ramblings

Butt cracks. Hands up to those of you who have been victims of butt cracks flashers! Sheesh, really, what are those girls wearing ultra low hipster thinking? I was minding my business on the bus when this girl had to stand near where i was sitting. And there it was in it's full glory, like a ridge in a valley. Gross. Wonder what she'll do if a lizard drops in there. Serves her right!

Foolish me came to school early this morning cos i thought social psych lecture starts at 10am on thursdays. It was suppose to start at 12. I even left the house before 8.30am so i wouldn't be late. Indeed i wasnt. And i dont get it. The lect wasnt boring what.

Feeling the stress of school. Especially because of the french classes so far. I am really lagging behind. I've completely forgotten last semester's work. Worse, i dont like my classmates. I mean, i dont like the new ones. They're so stuck up. Cant you smile back when youre smiled at? And minahs, WHY the MINAHS?? argh.

Oh no, me and pema and kenneth wont be having the same tutorial. Our time table wont allow it.

I think i am going to france after all. At least im 70% sure.

3 in one

10th January 2005.
Whoa. Just came back from jogging. Ran all the way to pasir ris mrt, which isn’t far really. It was a satisfying nonetheless! This is an excellent start to my new exercise plan! I’m going jogging with Farhana twice a week! She’s optimistic about my plan to jog to pasir ris and back home. It was a nice night jog. We started at 7.30pm and ended up coming home at 9.30pm. We walked all the way to pasir ris park then we sat by the beach and chit-chat before walking all the way home. We decided that that will never happen again once school kicks in. It’ll be chop chop go, chop chop come back..

Just received the full details of the immersion program in france. The itinerary looks great. We’ll be going to this place called Montpeillier, which is at the South of France, near the Mediterranean coast. It will be an intensive French language crash course for 3 weeks. We’ll be staying at homes, locals would take us in and we’ll be given a tour of the attractions. Nice way to spend my May/June vacation huh. Yeah. But it comes with a hefty price tag: $3900. Where on earth am I going to find that money? Can you imagine what one can do with so much money? I suppose it would be worth it to even go to Europe at that price given the length of stay. But $4K!!! I was also looking forward to attending a YEP especially if I could help the tsunami hit areas. Both experiences would be priceless. Also, I’ve always wanted to bagpack across Malaysia and visit all her islands before moving on to Thailand but I know I can do that in subsequent years.
But if I go, my lifesavings would be gone. Or at least I would be living on a tight budget henceforth. Then I’ve got to think of all the loans I’d have to pay. Hmm. But I can worry about that later right? I’m still deciding. I know my parents would tell me not to go. Oh well, at least I have until February before collection of deposits start.

We”ll see.



10th Janauary 2005
Racism. Who would have believed that it exists in our very society? I didn’t. At least in my 19 years of existence, I’ve never been a victim of it. Sure, my minority friends did complain sometimes but I was always led to believe that perhaps the incidents were purely accidental/coincidental/unintentional and that they were blowing things out of proportion, that their insecurities played up and manifested themselves in their shortly jumped to deductions of whatever it is unfavourble that had happened to them.

God, I am thankful that living in Singapore has given me the opportunity to mix with people of so many races. My best friends are Chinese, Indians and Malay. I pride on the fact and am truly honoured that my lineage comprises of all these races as well and more. That’s why when people ask me what I am, I’d simply say “I’m human”.
One day, about a year ago, my uncle’s friend or relative or whatever, an arab man, asked me if I saw myself as arab or Pakistani? My mom’s arab and my dad’s half Chinese and half Pakistani. I didn’t know what to say. He made me pick but I decided to say, “I’m Singaporean” I was born and bred here. Why should I feel any affiliation to any other country but s’pore? While I’m at it, how can I feel any close affiliation to one particular race at all when nothing about me makes me a pure arab, a pure Pakistani, a pure Chinese etc etc etc. I am everything but neither. But I am a pure Singaporean.

I naturally assumed a lot of people would see me as that as well. In fact, I dared venture to believe that with so many mixed marriages around, people would finally be able to assimilate themselves and form one common identity, race, religion and language aside. Perhaps one day, being a Singaporean would not only be a form of nationality but a race in its own right. What constitutes a race anyway? But a group of people with similar background? upbringing? DNA? I believe we’re all brothers and sisters if we truly trace out lineage back. Ah well, this vision I have would be an arduously slow process. Indeed.

Racism can take on many forms. As mentioned, I’ve never encountered it in school. Perhaps that’s because I spoke English from the start. I found it easy to mingle with everyone since the medium in schools was English. It was convenient. I forged many close friendships. Language was never a barrier. Even till today, some of my friends say that they’ve never really had a close friend of another race till they met me. While a part of me felt selfishly like gloating, a part of me felt disbelief. How can that possibly true? Was it the language barrier that prevented friendships and understanding to happen? Or do birds of a feather really flock together? I am more inclined to believe the former. I hope.

Now before you think I could be a hypocrite, I must admit that I highly doubt that I’m totally free from prejudice. Nonetheless, to least of my knowledge, I have not consciously maligned somebody because of his race. So when I was discriminated, I felt pissed off really. I couldn’t believe my ears. As all of you know, I’m still seeking a job. As a scrutinized the “recruit” page of the papers, I was horrified. How on earth will I find a job? Most of them required mandarin speakers. Fine, perhaps the job really requires one to communicate using mandarin but come on! Some of the jobs definitely do not require mandarin speakers la. It was a case of using that requirement as a euphemism. In any case, I’m going to make it a point to learn mandarin officially by the time I graduate. At least only then would I be able to make an informed deduction of such practice. That aside, what truly truly horrified me was that tuition agencies turned me down on the spot on finding out that I wasn’t of a particular race. After telling her my name, which by the way can be an English name as well, she asked “so your mother tongue is malay?” To which I replied yes. Then she said she”ll get back to me. Funny, she didn’t ask what subjects nor level I wanted to teach. One didn’t even bother to take my phone number down. Another lady even explained to me that parents are very fussy and would prefer tutors of the same race. I was stupefied. How shallow can people be? What has tutoring got to do with race? Huh? What about meritocracy and judging a person by his competence?

Another interesting bit as well happened last semester. As part of our module’s research program experiment, I had to find a friend of the same race as I before I could participate in the experiment. Its actually one of the requirements. Boy, I had difficulty as usual but eventually I found someone. The experiment was about how your heart rate reacts to various tasks and how the presence of a friend would affect your performance. So I wondered, where does the race element come in? Why would it be necessary for me to find a friend of the same race when any of my friends could do the same task of motivating me etc. I asked the experimenter and she told me, that in her knowledge, participants are more comfortable with people of their own race. Really?

Many unanswered questions linger in my head. Maybe I was too idealistic. Maybe it is true. Whatever it is, I’m just glad that the magnitude of racism here in Singapore is significantly nothing in comparison to other countries in the world. However, the painful realization that beneath the veneer of harmony and peace among the races, discrimination still rears its ugly head. But I believe. I believe these tiny bumps can be leveled. One day. One day. For now, I’m just glad to be able to make friends freely with anyone. And I’m truly blessed who have friends who either overlook or accommodate each others’ differences. And when I do have kids, I will make sure they mingle with everyone else too. We are all brethrens. Amen.





8th January 2005.
Well, it’s the 8th January 2005 and Im typing this now so that once I get to school, I can just copy and paste this entry on the blog. Well, a lot has happened over the holidays huh? I think it has been one of the more eventful December breaks I’ve had. I mean I went out more than ever before. Shopped till my ankles ached…went overseas, went to 2 camps, had a successful class outing, went out here, there, everywhere.. Basically a fruitful vacation. Even read two books :)

So I resented this amazingly irritating comment this arse of a person made when he said “you guys need to go out more” Honestly, what l gives you the right to say that? He said that with such condescension. Not a trace of jest in his tone. He was being an utter asshole really. Bah. He thought I didn’t get his other sarcastic comments. Darling, don’t think you comments flew over my head as they did over the rest. Who are you kidding? You’re talking about me here. I can be a megabitch if I want to but that’s not the point. He was completely antagonistic throughout the dinner we had. The funny thing is, we didn’t invite you. So piss off if you don’t enjoy our company. And its only polite to laugh at jokes whether its funny or not. And how dare you ask us to “step it up” when it comes to jokes and all when your idea of “stepping up” is actually a major degeneration of intellect to crude and lowly jokes, HUH? Go fly kite. (its amazing how successful my self-restrain is working out. Profanities has been minimal thus far)

I really wished I had told him off on the spot but my god, I am proud of my self control. It would have gotten really ugly if I did cos he would probably act all defensive and to sum it up, the matter would just be worse considering he’s the sort who would argue on and on until he wins and face it, I suck at arguing and I hate to lose nonetheless. Walking away was the best option.
You know, I kept telling myself that perhaps I was being over-sensitive or that he could be tired or worse drunk but for god’s sake, is that a reasonable excuse for his behaviou? I told my friend about what happened, abt the guy and his comments and asked her if its only me cos the rest of them didn’t seem to notice. Well, she kinda said that if what I observed was right then the arse deserved my cold shoulder treatment. Poor sod, I used to think he was a nice guy. Not anymore. If there was anything I felt that night, it wasn’t anger. It was disappointment.

Bah, its all over now. But boy, does it feel good to just let it out. Heck, must I justify myself? This is MY BLOG. I deserve the right to bitch and whine! So there!

Just had lunch with Kenneth this morning. Pema overslept! Hey dude, you look good with your hair coloured and all! ;) Its nice to catch up with friends!
Im pretty sad that I didn’t really have enough time to go out with my friends from sec school…gosh, I think im drifting apart frm them. Sigh…maybe in the near future ya?

Met up with this guy I know from JC. My goodness, NS really does something to guys huh? Well, at least some of them. This guy used to be this tall, lanky, geeky person and when I saw him, it was like whoa…he was kinda hunky! Hahah…but when he opened his mouth to talk to me then.. cheh.

I suppose by the time I actually post this up, it would be the first day of school. First lect would be sociology lecture…was flipping thru the textbook and well, oh boy, I really hope I”ll fall in love with the subject .and soon. Hahah…
Okay, for those who might want to check out my time table for whatever reason, I”ll be putting up one as soon as the tutorials are up.

Ah, the new semester. A new beginning. Im gonna be a super mugger. Oh and im also going on a high-keratin diet since my eyesight is deterioting at a frightening rate. Speaking of which, im gonna be wearing specs to school from now on too, Heh, maybe the specs would make me feel smarter and BE smarter.

I have a feeling this sem would require me manage my time real well since I have to balance school work and SWAPS stuff. I might be i/c of publicity and recruitment for FOC. I haven really agreed to it but I think the experience would be worth it. I don’t know. Will I be digging my own shit hole? I don’t know.

But you know what, im really glad that there aren’t any eye-candies. Haha, yes I remember that I used to say that eye-candies are necessary motivations for one to get to school but really, im glad there aren’t any distractions in NUS. Also, Im just sick and tired of having unnecessary crushes in school. Its really tiring and pointless cos it’s a vicious cycle. I always fall for the unattainable people. Im so sick of it. And tired. Really tired. Besides, im loving things as they’ve been! Haha…I don’t feel like im missing out on anything at all!

Channel ‘i’ has ceased to exist. So channel 5 is monopolizing the English shows. Darn it, now I cant channel surf and watch Law and Order on Sunday nights. And the only other channel I can watch is central or CNA. Oh well, all the more reasons not to watch TV. I suppose once Charmed ends, I wouldn’t have anything to watch. unless I actually consider following My Fair Princess 3 on channel 8 even though the entire cast is different. Ah well, we”ll see.

Note to self: Stop spending money like you own $400++ bucks a month anymore now that you don’t anymore. I need income. Anybody wants tuition?
Ooh, im getting wireless fixed in my house!!!!!!!

grr...why, WHY cant i blog from home? huh? why?

Happy New Year!!

My first post for the new year :).
Im in school now, in the library. Th city of hongkong university students were here so we had to bring them around and all. They're still at it right now actually but i decided to give it a pass cos im feeling nauseous(how do you spell it?) I suppose its cos of the combination of bad weather, something i ate for breakfast, a possible lack of sleep cinsidering i had to wake up early this morn and of course, the cors bidding. So im just gonna chill in my little corner of the library for now.

2005. What awaits me? I have no idea! In fact, i didnt really usher in the new year like the previous years...there wasnt a family party this year. We just went for dinner. No exchange of presents and goodies and all. I suppose that's cos one of my brother's in Aceh now...he's helping the victims of the tsunami. Im immensely proud of him! Heck, during the countdown, i was in the shower so haha, ive been showering since last year! Geddit? geddit? Oh nevermind!

So new years' eve was spent with cheryl (coincidentally, we spent new years eve the previous yr too). And then dinner with the family.
There wasnt a countdown this year or at least they didnt televised it on TV thank goodness. Sensitivity prevailed after all!

New years day was different this year. Usually id just slob ard at home but this year, i woke up early and headed to adeline's place for breakfast. A successful class outing considering its 02a53! 12 people turned up! All the guys turned up! It was nice seeing everyone again. My sincere apologies to ave, susian and huiboon for not contacting you guys. I had no idea boon and sus were back in singapore. Super sorry.

I dont really have a new years' resolution this year...at least not as detailed as the previous years. This year, my resolution is to keep last years' resolution. Ooh, and not to be late, and to be a nicer person, and to be more pious, and to mug really really hard! And to bloody lose that 5 KG im suppose to shed like years ago. And not to eat fast food. heh, thats quite a list huh?

Alright, Happy 2005 to everyone! Hope this year will bring peace, harmony, happiness and all good things to evryone!

God bless! And stay tuned to more of Farah's life's gripes here in the future!

Back from a wonderful camp!!!

thank god i live in singapore...thank god im back in singapore...will explain later..when i can blog frm home...

Alhamdulillah! Thank you thank you thank you Allah!!!!!!!

Paying it forward...a nice concept.

i love technology!

Yes, so i may be hypocritical but honestly, sometimes i do love technology.....especially the internet! It makes the world a smaller place really! Im currently chatting with my aunt and cousin in NOrway while chatting with a friend from KL. Man, i havent spoken to my aunt and cousin in ages so this is really easy for me to wish them a merry christmas!

Just got back from the two parties. Cant believed i squeezed into my sister's sandals..my feet hurts now!

random thoughts

So im in school right now. Yup. in the central library, passing time by while i wait for justina to meet up with me to get shaun goh's prezzie. Finally cleared up the SWAPS store with xiaoyan and justina yesterday. So i came back to school to finish what was left undone...to stick the inventory list up. That kinda reminded me abt the NP store that i used to do lists for too..cant believe we actually counted the number of buttons and badges!


Anyway, i kinda pissed gene off yest. I think, one of farah's new year resolution would be to stop playing pranks on people. Like what my friend sean says, pranks has its pros and cons. I suppose the pro would be the kick you get while the con could be the lost of trust people have in you. Yes, gene, i remember the story of the boy who cried wolf. Im really sorry! One day, we would just look back at this and laugh right?

Had a weird dream this morning. Brad pitt and George clooney made cameo appearences. Ahhh...but it was during some kind of war or smt...oh well!

watched oceans 12 on monday so maybe thats why. anyway, i think steven sodenberg(how do you spell it) tried too hard to make his movie clever this time...it turned out to be a mess really. But hey, at least the movie was entertaining!

Have two parties to attend tmr..Shaun goh and shareena. Havent seen shareena for quite some time and lynn is going for her party so haha the Iras peeps can catch up!
Pema will be back tmr! Ya...okay....my fingers are numb..cant believe how cold the library is right now..

My friend took the liberty of telling me that my posterior has grown bigger. Damn. I need to exercise. Adeline!! wheres our badminton game??? And i STILL havent jogged in eons!!!!!! Sighs!

Results will be out soon i think... on boxing day. Hmm. Hmm indeed.

Anyway, im leaving this post with an excerpt from my fav xmas song (apart from Wham's "last christmas")..hey, even tho i dont celebrate it, i can enjoy it right? besides, it doesnt have any religious connotation to it...its called "my grown up christmas list"...i heard it like last yr and felt, well, i cried lah ok? just look at the lyrics!! so sad! It's originally by amy grant but ive only heard buble's version....the lyrics might seem really familiar cos this writer from Life was going on abt why he likes the song too...

Grown-up Christmas List
"Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasy
Now Im all grown up now
Can you still help somehow
Im not a child but my heart still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown up xmas list
NOt for myself but for a world in need

*No more lives torn apart
That wars wont even start
and time will heal all hearts
Everyman would have a friend
That right will always win
And love will never end....
THis is my grown up xmas list

What is this thing called?
The innocence of youth?
Maybe only in this blind belief
Can we ever find the truth...

(Chorus)"

Back from Langkawi!!!!!!!

Haha, yeps, i got back late thu night so you can consider it friday...and i was so reluctant to get back to reality so thats why i didnt bother switching on my hp and blogging for days. The time i spent away from technology was blissful.
The trip was fabulous. I went parasailing and snorkling. Made a new friend along the way, discovered teens from malaysia are exactly like teens anywhere in the world. Took a train through the whole west coast of malaysia. From singapore all the way to perlis. So haha i traversed the whole of malaysia by train!

A bit sad to be back but hey, theres nothing like home..esp the toilets! man, the train toilets were tiny!..and i even had to pee in complete darkness one night...well, the only light was emanating from my watch!

Langkawi is so beautiful. the weather was perfect. Too bad i didnt have enough money to stay longer cos theres much more to explore!

Went shopping with my mom yesterday. I think we kinda regressed to our childhood cos there we were, standing at the railings at centrepoint, watching mojo jojo trying to steal xmas from the powerpuff girls. i guess my mom is trying to make it up to me. I never got the chance to be one of those kids whose parents would dutifyully sit with em at the mall and watch kiddy shows. haha. we enjoyed ourselves. We even managed to catch taufik and sylvester live at some starhub roadshow. At least we're satisfied that we got to at least see em perform live once. Oh, and haha, my mom caught something taufik threw in the crowd. Ive never seen my mom move so fast. okay, besides the fact that there were times i saw her swwoping and diving for something...to grab seats on the mrt! I love my mom!

Finally, ive got myself a digital camera! Long story but farah is getting tech savvy by the day! I finally understand the difference btw a 3.2 and 5.0 Megapixel camera and stuff. Kudos to me.

okay, ive got stuff to do i think...but grr...im too lazy to move..bah, its the holidays! I deserve to be a slob!

as i was saying

oh forget it...i'll blog next time!

Back from Sentosa!

And yes, i think im losing my voice. Why is it everytime i visit sentosa, it rains? huh? WHY? urgh.

It was a nice 3 days tho. I never really thought it was possible to carry out fruitful meetings on sentosa. heh, i finnally found my direction. As in, since i havent been attending meetings cos of the fasting month, ive been rather lost but im kinda on track now. At least now i know what i have to do. Im gonna be having the sub com meeting tmr.Then after i come back from lang

Taufik won!!! Yay!

Yay...Its the HOLIDAYS!

Hey..I'm so thrilled I can blog from home!! Finally! There's so many things I want to type in. Was gonna start blabbing about the exams i had but since its OVER, i shall not bother about it! Whatever happens, happens.

Went for a movie with pema yesterday. Watched Bridget Jones diary. Hilarious! Haha, gives hope to non "skinny people who still require slimming pills cos they think without it they'd grow fat and die ugly". Haha. I mean really, it just gets to me when you see a naturally lean celebrity endorsing slimming supplements. Oh puhlease! Get Lydia Sum to lose weight using your supplements or smt and then it'd be at least credible! In any case, i believe in pure exercise and a healthy diet. Pish.As if i do that. Still, at least I know that that's the proper and ideal way to do it.

I need to start exercising again. Feel like a slob lately. Havent had a run since before the fasting month. Oh gosh, the inertia to start again!!! Argh.

Speaking of which, I think ive pretty much outgrown the jalan hari raya phase. I mean, really, I dont know why, but everytime i see a big group of people dressed in their baju kurungs and heavy make-up, i cringe. Such attention seeking. I mean come on la...why so much make up??? And some as young as like what?? 9 years old? Am i being hypocritcal? Yes, its fun, i know...to be able to get all ya-ya with your friends..and it gives you a valid reason to check your friends place out...homes tell a lot about people. I mean they grow up in there......then there's the money issue. Ok, look, yes yes, it is customary to give out green packets to unmarried and unworking people...but seriously, i think its ridiculous to accept green packets from your friends' parents! They dont even know you! What difference would a couple of bucks be to a 19 yr old? I mean sure, the kids would be thrilled but i think its embarrassing to see a bunch of 19-20++ yr olds lining up to accept the token. I mean you go to a persons house, enjoy his/her hospitality and get paid for what exactly? hmm? So im reluctant. Thank goodness i had exams as a polite means of declining certain invitations. Open houses and parties are okay. Just dont give me the green packets! I come solely to chill and well most importantly to see my friends at their most comfortable- in their homes. Now, Im not saying everyone who goes jalan raya are like that but some of them are. They go out in a big group and serbu (attack) one of their friends homes...some of them in the group arent even the person's friends! like what the!!!
Anyway, thats why i prefer the open house concept. Have a party. Get your friends together on the same day. And have fun!!!!!!

Singapore idol is this wednesday. VOTE Taufik!!!!!!!! Cos honestly he's talented isnt he? I mean he's definitely better at representing singapore than the other fellow..Slyvester(sounds like salivester...btw, his name is supposed to be spelled sylvester..not that his fans care to take notice). Okay, not gonna dive into this idol fever crap. Just vote Taufik will ya? If youre willing to pay 0.50 cents la. Btw, if taufik makes it big and if i ever see him on the streets or smt, the first thing i'd say to him is "Oi, when are you gonna pay my family $5 back??". haha.

Gonna be a busy december. Incidentally, i might be going to sentosa like 3/4 times! I mean really, why sentosa? Ah well, singapore's a tad tiny to go anywhere anyway. Im going Langkawi with my bro! We're gonna do it the amazing race style....get the tix and stuff on the spot! haha..looking forward to that.

I need beach wear. I need a bag. I need a dress. I need shades. I need to go SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love the holidays......dont you?

Okay, since this blog-from-home thing is highly unpredictable, the next time i blog might be the next time im in school. As such, HAPPY NEW YEAR evreyone!!

Exams are over!!!!!

Mental Constipation...(copyright)

Let the mugging begin

Indeed! Im in school now, finally getting started on E lang. Strangely, I actually enjoy reading the text!

Tiring day indeed yest....but I had fun! 26 ppl turned up! People i never even expected to come like Norman!!! Haha..he actually reads my blog! 26 people managed to squeeze into my humble home. It was kinda stuffy so i apologise to all those who had to perspire and worse, who didnt get to seat for long!!!

Video-cam(ed) the whole affair..I'll be editing and making it into a VCD soon;that is, once i figure out how to!

Once again, Thanks to all those who turned up! Really appreciated that I didnt end up like the little boy in the psych video...the one where nobody turned up for his birthday party!
And thanks for the Ferraro Rochers.(I have 6 boxes of it now, heh, one for each member of my family)

Mug!!!!!!!!!!1

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri!

C'est Finis

Indeed, it's over. Whoosh, one semester of french, gone with the wind. I just had my final oral just now..and well, yesterday was the last french lecture. We had a test and then we played a game. It was a nice ending to a nice module with nice classmates and nice teachers. Nice. I mean we see each other twice, sometimes 3 times a week! We gave yannick the markers after all! And he's no longer teaching in NUS from next semester. In any case, the few of us who'll be continuing with french are plotting to join the same lecture next semester!

Whooshh...again. Time flies. A week left before the onset of the FINALs. THE finals. So i suppose i wont be typing in any time soon cos its officially the reading week and i wont need to come to school. Even if i do, i think bringing a lap top would do me no good.

Okie, so in any case, SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI! Maaf zahir batin (that translates to :forgive me if ive offended any of you in the past yr)

Good luck to everyone out there!

PS: me and pema gonna celebrate now...shopping or movie..hmmm...what? we deserve it! we've mugged hard!

Inspiration-less

I mean really, I thought I'd be able to type something out. I mean i havent typed in in a while and quite a lot has happened i think....i think....i think.....i think i need to eat gingko tablets. I cant seem to recall....

Okay, for one, i had my maiden drive last night. Aba finally gave me the P plate and fixed it on the car. Whoa...it was just like i dreamed the moment to be....A nice relaxing drive, with the stereo playing my Michael Buble CD....cruising down the expressway....ahhhh.....
I must say, driving an automatic car is super easy! Anybody can drive! Anybody with a $1300++ license to drive that is! Haha..speaking of license, can you imagine how efficient Singapore is? I mean, i received my real, permenant license via registered mail yesterday! Yesterday!!! When i just passed on monday!!!!!

Anyway, I still havent gotten my Hari raya baju...should i even get one? My mom already gave me the money but seriously, its not like im miserly or anything but I think its a waste of money. I hardly use the baju kurungs i bought in the last few years..and since im not gonna go jalan raya with my friends this yr cos of exams...and that i only have a few relatives to visit, why should i buy a >50 dollars 'traditional' baju (which has nothing to do with my tradition..whatever that is..im still trying to figure out if i have one)....i might as well buy clothes to wear to school right??? or that black dress i saw in Metro....ahh...

Im feeling pretty jaded now...perhaps that's cos i woke up late and that morning laziness has yet to be purged from my system...WAKE UP FARAH! It's 1.40pm!!!!

Im having a hari raya lunch thingy on the 15th and i know this is gonna sound craazyyyy...but there's 50 people on my list! Crap. I mean I thought i invited my SWAPS and VJ friends and stuff....and i didnt expect to have that huge a number. I hope they'll be able to squeeze into my place..and that Umi can cook enough food....

okay, 13 days to go. I better start studying...LIKE NOW.

I PASSED MY DRIVING!!!!!!!!

okay, ive actually typed out a nice entry about this...so i shall paste it up when i bring my laptop to school...

so here it is:
I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST-an edited excerpt from Farah’s personal diary

You bet I did! Its raining heavily now but I’m still so thrilled. It’s been raining since I left for the test centre. By then, grey clouds were hovering threateningly over me. And when it finally showered, I thought to myself “God really doesn’t want me to pass”. The visibility was pretty bad too! But thank god (alhamdulilllah) that when it came to the actual test time, the rain trickled to a drizzle and stopped eventually. I got Route 7-the hardest route. Difficult route + bad weather = Bad luck….or so I thought. But in Cheryl’s words, it turned out to be “a blessing in disguise”. The tester modified the route as he claimed that the original route would be jammed. So, with only 10 points, ladies and gentlemen, Farah passed her driving! After the whole test, (which seemed to pass by so fast), I got back my marksheet and then proceeded to this room to watch some video on road safety. While waiting for the video to air, I started calling and messaging almost everyone! What can I say? I just needed to gush and celebrate with people! I deserved it. Thanks a million Cheryl for remembering and for psyching me up for the test!

I gave my driving instructor (uncle) a box of hari raya cookies to thank him. (Thank god I was fasting or he would have cornered my into treating him to lunch…eeeyew…). Before we parted, he said to me “Drive carefully and slowly ah….young girl like you..must take care”…For a tiny-whiny moment, I felt the soft mush one usually feels when you have to part from someone who saw you through some ordeal…and well, come on, he taught me for nearly 11 months..then the moment vanished. I’ll never see my quirky ci-ko-pek of a driving instructor again! Haha….It’s also weird that “my boyfriend” (the driving instructor’s pathetic attempt to matchmake me with another one of his student learners) called him to ask if I passed. One heck of a strange relationship. I’ve only seen the bugger once.

Came home and was still high and absolutely thrilled. Showed the slip of paper to my dad and bro..who were waiting for me to break the news….Now that driving’s over and tuition’s ended (Rena did abysmally for her finals but she’s contented so oh well…I did my best for her anyway), I have no excuse not to focus….19 days more!!!!!!!!

I CAN DO IT!!!