Back...
From a blogging hiatus. I've tried to create new posts on at least 5 other occasions but I somehow never seem to get more than 3 sentences out before I decide to just forget it and log out. So many things to say, but macam malas lah. (like lazy lah)
From school and I need to get started on my position paper soon
Bio psych term paper. Encouraging. Encouraging indeed :) Alhamdulillah
Pain. My lower back is giving me problems again. Its getting worse by the day and I suspect I may have aggrevated it when I went for a run on sunday. Wah, I cant even get up from a chair without supporting my back like a pregnant lady. Gosh.
Cheese
Been craving for cheese. Forgot to buy the pretzel cheese thingy from the co-op so I went hunting for Combos. But NO. no where to be found. Neither of the 3 provision shop nor NTUC!
Had myself a chocolate banana crepe instead. Yummy. And Im frying cheese fries now.
Which reminds me...I better see to it that I dont burn the kitchen down.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Saturday, October 21, 2006
And there's more..
27th OCT
-Gen bio assignments 5 & 6
-GEM 1008 mock test
-Bio psych tutorial qn/presentation
8th NOV
-Adol 'quiz'
10th NOV
-Gen bio assignment 7
17th NOV
-GEM position paper
-Lab in health report/presentation (70%...screams)
18th NOVE
-GEM 'test' (40%...test? TEST?! more like EXAM)
Where got time, tell me where got time?
(screams around with flailing arms.)
-Gen bio assignments 5 & 6
-GEM 1008 mock test
-Bio psych tutorial qn/presentation
8th NOV
-Adol 'quiz'
10th NOV
-Gen bio assignment 7
17th NOV
-GEM position paper
-Lab in health report/presentation (70%...screams)
18th NOVE
-GEM 'test' (40%...test? TEST?! more like EXAM)
Where got time, tell me where got time?
(screams around with flailing arms.)
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
The Others
I have finally met the boyfriend's family. I received an invitation to break fast with them on monday and so I graciously accepted. My dad freaked out a little and delved into the "you're a girl, and you shouldnt go to a male's house unchaperoned" bit but then he relented because I had already told the bf that I would go and I had to honour my promise. Thankfully, my family was tremendouly supportive after hearing my gripes and worries about making a good impression and bla bla bla. I felt immensely comforted. I love love LOVE my family.
The dinner experience at his house wasnt as harrowing as I had expected it to be long before I actually had a boyfriend. Yes, when I was single, I did wonder what it would be like to have to visit the other side's family. I was expecting a lot of questions but I received only one or two. I was prepared to answer but no, no questions. So I followed the rule of thumb, 'dont talk unless spoken to' and I think it worked.
She was cordial to me throughout the dinner and the subsequent cake-cutting (it was his sister's psuedo birthday) and she insisted that I be in the photographs and even grabbed/hugged my arm so I couldnt run away. Hmm. Hmm indeed.
But then, all the sugar coated niceties (how do you spell it) came to an almost abrupt end...well, not exactly that, rather the sugar coat came off the niceties and then came the frankness in her. She dived into the mother-to-only son's/child-gf talk with utter seriousness that I had to stifle my laughter. Sigh. I understand where she's coming from. I honestly do. She's a practical lady and at some level, I understand her rationale for not wanting her son to date seriously. Ive actually heard her argument in some form or another from another source. My dad.
So I just smiled and nodded my head while in my head, I secretely uttered thanks to my dad and family for training me for that very day. Ive heard it before. I wasnt taken by surprise and better still, I wasnt afraid. After all, if I can survive my dad's version, I can pretty much survive anyone's :)
And so I left his place feeling nothing really. Happy? no. Depressed? No. Im just thankful that Ive formally met her and thats that.
And Ive learnt to appreciate my family more.
The dinner experience at his house wasnt as harrowing as I had expected it to be long before I actually had a boyfriend. Yes, when I was single, I did wonder what it would be like to have to visit the other side's family. I was expecting a lot of questions but I received only one or two. I was prepared to answer but no, no questions. So I followed the rule of thumb, 'dont talk unless spoken to' and I think it worked.
She was cordial to me throughout the dinner and the subsequent cake-cutting (it was his sister's psuedo birthday) and she insisted that I be in the photographs and even grabbed/hugged my arm so I couldnt run away. Hmm. Hmm indeed.
But then, all the sugar coated niceties (how do you spell it) came to an almost abrupt end...well, not exactly that, rather the sugar coat came off the niceties and then came the frankness in her. She dived into the mother-to-only son's/child-gf talk with utter seriousness that I had to stifle my laughter. Sigh. I understand where she's coming from. I honestly do. She's a practical lady and at some level, I understand her rationale for not wanting her son to date seriously. Ive actually heard her argument in some form or another from another source. My dad.
So I just smiled and nodded my head while in my head, I secretely uttered thanks to my dad and family for training me for that very day. Ive heard it before. I wasnt taken by surprise and better still, I wasnt afraid. After all, if I can survive my dad's version, I can pretty much survive anyone's :)
And so I left his place feeling nothing really. Happy? no. Depressed? No. Im just thankful that Ive formally met her and thats that.
And Ive learnt to appreciate my family more.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Terawih
I went to the masjid yesterday with Farhana for the special Terawih prayers which are held during Ramadan. Havent been there in a long long time so it was a refreshing experience :) Made a bit of slips here and there, like my telekung flew over my head as I was sujud-ing cos the fan was blowing at me. So embarassing but oh well. It was towards the end.
So many little children praying with their moms. Some of them merely emulating the positions their mothers were doing...so cute!!
Iqra-ed in the morning with Nudgie and he said I learn fast :) :) :)
Also, thanks to the MS exhibition in the arts forum on fri, I found out about MUIS' new initiative. An online platform for both muslims and non-muslims to pose ANY question on Islam. The best part is that you can ask ANYTHING and they'll be answered by scholars in the language you posted your question in. And, if your question is picked as the best one, you get an I-pod! :)
www.iask.com.sg Check it out ok? I had a great time perusing the website because FINALLY, i can get answers and I reckon you would too. :)
So many little children praying with their moms. Some of them merely emulating the positions their mothers were doing...so cute!!
Iqra-ed in the morning with Nudgie and he said I learn fast :) :) :)
Also, thanks to the MS exhibition in the arts forum on fri, I found out about MUIS' new initiative. An online platform for both muslims and non-muslims to pose ANY question on Islam. The best part is that you can ask ANYTHING and they'll be answered by scholars in the language you posted your question in. And, if your question is picked as the best one, you get an I-pod! :)
www.iask.com.sg Check it out ok? I had a great time perusing the website because FINALLY, i can get answers and I reckon you would too. :)
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Kind Soul
My faith in NUS students is restored. Once again, I left my thumb drive in the CPU of one of the computers in central library in the morning while rushing to submit some form to the department. When I found this out 5 hours after I left it there, and just before I would usually lapse into panic frenzy mode (you know, when your whole body freezes and you mind goes 'oh no, how could i be so careless' incessantly?) and giving up hope of getting my new 512mb imation thumbdrive back, I decided to check out the lost and found counter.
I wasnt expecting anything since nothing turned out the last time. But TA-DA! There it was!!!! :)
Whoever who found it, I am so thankful. You are so so so so so kind :) Do unto others as you would have them do unto you :)
School's been ok so far. Progressing steadily for Lab in Applied Psych. I love my group. We're getting things done smoothly :) Now all we're waiting for is Prof Bishop's approval and then we can begin disseminating the questionnaires :)
Still moving rather slowly for bio psych but a few pages and knowing roughly whats going on for the past 2 lectures is a big moral boost.
Was starting to read Adol psych text for the first time and I realise that im in trouble. My eyes keep glazing through because everything seem intuitive and common-sensical. So then, how to mug like that? I've always found this kind of modules harder than others because you think its common-sensical but maybe its not and then how? ARGH.
But anyway, progress is progress, no matter how slow it is.
I am in a happy mood today. One of those days where Im just beaming with joy. Ahhhh...
PS: My dad's eye got scratched by a pointy plant shoot while he was transporting the pot up from the car last wed night. His eye has healed completely by now I think. Amazing how fast the body repairs itself :)
Gonna buka puasa with my nudgie tonight! :)
I wasnt expecting anything since nothing turned out the last time. But TA-DA! There it was!!!! :)
Whoever who found it, I am so thankful. You are so so so so so kind :) Do unto others as you would have them do unto you :)
School's been ok so far. Progressing steadily for Lab in Applied Psych. I love my group. We're getting things done smoothly :) Now all we're waiting for is Prof Bishop's approval and then we can begin disseminating the questionnaires :)
Still moving rather slowly for bio psych but a few pages and knowing roughly whats going on for the past 2 lectures is a big moral boost.
Was starting to read Adol psych text for the first time and I realise that im in trouble. My eyes keep glazing through because everything seem intuitive and common-sensical. So then, how to mug like that? I've always found this kind of modules harder than others because you think its common-sensical but maybe its not and then how? ARGH.
But anyway, progress is progress, no matter how slow it is.
I am in a happy mood today. One of those days where Im just beaming with joy. Ahhhh...
PS: My dad's eye got scratched by a pointy plant shoot while he was transporting the pot up from the car last wed night. His eye has healed completely by now I think. Amazing how fast the body repairs itself :)
Gonna buka puasa with my nudgie tonight! :)
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Role reversal
Yesterday, for Adol psych lecture, we covered 'the family', focusing on the relationship between the parents and the developing adolescent. There was this part on how the family is never stagnant, rather its dynamic. As the adol changes, the parents change as well. The relationship becomes one that is more horizontal than vertical. I like that idea. You know how top-down parents are when theyre children are still young..but gradually, it smoothens into a horizintal line..and then in some sense, vertical again, this time with the children holding on to the higher end of the line. Its a beautiful metaphor. Poignant. You realise there's a family life cycle. The young child from being dependant, slowly becomes the caregiver, before becoming dependant (perhaps in certain aspects) again.
I see this happening in my family already. The change. Its so different now. My opinion matters. My point of views hold water. My assistance is needed..and valued.
The sombre realisation that my parents are not so young anymore hit me hard this morning.
My dad was attacked by a plant last night (long story). We rushed down to the A&E and thankfully, his right cornea suffered only a superficial scratch which would heal soon. But my gosh, was i worried. I was worried that it could be internally caused. You never know if a vein/artery had ruptured and a minor stroke had happened since more often than not, people dont usually know they've suffered from a stroke/heart attack until much later. So Im really relieved.
Nevertheless, back to my point on role reversal. Essentially, had I not been there with my parents, their getting around the hospital would have been difficult. After all, in hospitals, you have to move from one waiting area to another etc, etc and you most likely have to rely on sign boards to navigate yourself. Futhermore, my dad already has his eye problem, my mom was also in a daze and her eyesight, though she tries to hide it, is deteriorating....
Im just thankful today is my free day. I want to be with my parents, my family, if when things like this happen.
You know, my parents (most parents actually) have put in so much for me, for my siblings. The least I can do is to be there for them as how they have been here for me.
Role reversal? Its nothing new, really. Its natural. The cycle of life.
I see this happening in my family already. The change. Its so different now. My opinion matters. My point of views hold water. My assistance is needed..and valued.
The sombre realisation that my parents are not so young anymore hit me hard this morning.
My dad was attacked by a plant last night (long story). We rushed down to the A&E and thankfully, his right cornea suffered only a superficial scratch which would heal soon. But my gosh, was i worried. I was worried that it could be internally caused. You never know if a vein/artery had ruptured and a minor stroke had happened since more often than not, people dont usually know they've suffered from a stroke/heart attack until much later. So Im really relieved.
Nevertheless, back to my point on role reversal. Essentially, had I not been there with my parents, their getting around the hospital would have been difficult. After all, in hospitals, you have to move from one waiting area to another etc, etc and you most likely have to rely on sign boards to navigate yourself. Futhermore, my dad already has his eye problem, my mom was also in a daze and her eyesight, though she tries to hide it, is deteriorating....
Im just thankful today is my free day. I want to be with my parents, my family, if when things like this happen.
You know, my parents (most parents actually) have put in so much for me, for my siblings. The least I can do is to be there for them as how they have been here for me.
Role reversal? Its nothing new, really. Its natural. The cycle of life.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
What a monday Tuesday it is today.
I cant stand feeling stupid.
Yes, occasionally its liberating to act stupid since acting stupid momentarily allows you to let go the responsibility of knowing things. But to feel stupid is a different thing.
Simply because it is personally insulting.
It's enough that class starts at 8am and i have to drag myself out of bed at 530am and to school bleary eyed. But to embarrass myself at such an early hour is too much lah. Bio psych tutorial sure dampened my mood.
For those unfamiliar with Bio psych tutorials, here's a sum up. For tutorial sessions, everyone is broken up into groups. Each tutorial session is run like a 'game' show (roll eyes) where the presenting group poses a number of questions to the other groups bla bla bla. So each week, 2 chapters would be covered effciently and in a 'fun' manner. Fine. Innovative lah. Thing is, you have to read the two chaps before every tutorial or your group would end up stumped. Which is great cos then it ensures that you actually do read your text and all.
Oh come on. Who reads the textbook dutifully? I would take an average of four hours to finish one chapter! Plus, considering I havent read the previous chapters properly (which are the foundation for the subsequent chaps), understanding the current ones would be hard...and so you can see where this is heading.
I am digging myself deeper into the "oh no, what is going on?" danger pit for bio psych.
Argh. So of course i couldnt answer the bleeping questions satisfactorily. NO excuses for myself. purely my fault. Worse, none of my groupmates were prepared. So when it came to our group to answer the questions, silence silence silence.
If any of you know me well enough, i cannot stand silence. I just feel so freaking uneasy if im targeted a question and i dont say anything. I just have to say something. And so i did. Considering no one in my group wanted to say anything I had to say something.
And then the embarassment. I started babbling, obviously showing the whole wide world i wasnt prepared. I sounded purely bimbotic i hated myself. I kept thinking "oh come on farah, please dont make yourself look stupid...in front of your classmates its ok..but not your lecturer! "
SIGH.
Nevermind, in a way, i'm glad this happened because im gonna make bloody sure that im prepared for bio tuts from now on.
I need to redeem myself for myself.
Yes, occasionally its liberating to act stupid since acting stupid momentarily allows you to let go the responsibility of knowing things. But to feel stupid is a different thing.
Simply because it is personally insulting.
It's enough that class starts at 8am and i have to drag myself out of bed at 530am and to school bleary eyed. But to embarrass myself at such an early hour is too much lah. Bio psych tutorial sure dampened my mood.
For those unfamiliar with Bio psych tutorials, here's a sum up. For tutorial sessions, everyone is broken up into groups. Each tutorial session is run like a 'game' show (roll eyes) where the presenting group poses a number of questions to the other groups bla bla bla. So each week, 2 chapters would be covered effciently and in a 'fun' manner. Fine. Innovative lah. Thing is, you have to read the two chaps before every tutorial or your group would end up stumped. Which is great cos then it ensures that you actually do read your text and all.
Oh come on. Who reads the textbook dutifully? I would take an average of four hours to finish one chapter! Plus, considering I havent read the previous chapters properly (which are the foundation for the subsequent chaps), understanding the current ones would be hard...and so you can see where this is heading.
I am digging myself deeper into the "oh no, what is going on?" danger pit for bio psych.
Argh. So of course i couldnt answer the bleeping questions satisfactorily. NO excuses for myself. purely my fault. Worse, none of my groupmates were prepared. So when it came to our group to answer the questions, silence silence silence.
If any of you know me well enough, i cannot stand silence. I just feel so freaking uneasy if im targeted a question and i dont say anything. I just have to say something. And so i did. Considering no one in my group wanted to say anything I had to say something.
And then the embarassment. I started babbling, obviously showing the whole wide world i wasnt prepared. I sounded purely bimbotic i hated myself. I kept thinking "oh come on farah, please dont make yourself look stupid...in front of your classmates its ok..but not your lecturer! "
SIGH.
Nevermind, in a way, i'm glad this happened because im gonna make bloody sure that im prepared for bio tuts from now on.
I need to redeem myself for myself.
Monday, October 02, 2006
ZeeeeZeeeZeeeee...DRRRRR....
My bathroom is being renovated as I type this. The drilling was remarkably tolerable till a few seconds ago. I will remain zen-like. I will remain zen-like. I will remain zen-like.
What on earth is 'zen' anyway?
I have very good news to share.
MY DADDY LIKES MY BOYFRIEND!
My Dad didnt explicitly say so but I can feel that he does. The way he remembers things about the Bf (considering that he doesnt seem to remember much about any of my other friends)..But you know what really made my day? It was when my dad said at the dinner table the evening after najib came that he's not worried about me. That I can take care of myself and I know what Im doing. (To which i beamed and then he added 'i hope so') :) You can say that pretty much all my life, Ive been waiting to hear him say that.
Yay. That dinner on friday was great. My dad got to know him more and nudgie got to see what a buka puasa session with my family is like.
I like this. I like how life (outside school) is going so far. Alhamdulillah.
What on earth is 'zen' anyway?
I have very good news to share.
MY DADDY LIKES MY BOYFRIEND!
My Dad didnt explicitly say so but I can feel that he does. The way he remembers things about the Bf (considering that he doesnt seem to remember much about any of my other friends)..But you know what really made my day? It was when my dad said at the dinner table the evening after najib came that he's not worried about me. That I can take care of myself and I know what Im doing. (To which i beamed and then he added 'i hope so') :) You can say that pretty much all my life, Ive been waiting to hear him say that.
Yay. That dinner on friday was great. My dad got to know him more and nudgie got to see what a buka puasa session with my family is like.
I like this. I like how life (outside school) is going so far. Alhamdulillah.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Healthy progress
Its mid mid-sem break and I think Im more productive this mid-sem break than previous sems. Or so I hope. But im satisfied so far.
Progressing steadily in my lab in applied psych project. Which is great. I think i have fantastic group members :) So at least Im glad that this 70% project will be in good hands.
I have finished reading all the chaps covered so far for gen bio. Yes, gloat gloat gloat. But im proud of myself. And know what? The Krebs cycle isnt so hard what. Its understandable. So why do all those post A level bio peeps keep giving me the creeps by shuderring when I mention it? Its quite interesting too. Sigh. Hope im not being to cocky though. Reading and understanding is one thing. Doing well is another. I have a nagging suspicion that the finals' MCQs are gonna be way tricky. Still, i'll be ready and no way am i gonna S/U this mod :)
Been reading arabic too and alhamdulillah, i think i am improving :)
Ok, so im still deciding which topic to do for my eva acad arg mod's position paper. Should I write on 'entrapment' or 'legalising prostitution'?
Then, theres the fact that Ive totally neglected bio psych and adol psych. Im struggling with the former btw. Hopefully not for long.
Oh gosh. I dont think im that satisfied with my mid-sem break after all. ARGH.
Another 4 days to go...(but then i'll be working on my lab report...)
BLIMEY.
breathe farah breathe..
Progressing steadily in my lab in applied psych project. Which is great. I think i have fantastic group members :) So at least Im glad that this 70% project will be in good hands.
I have finished reading all the chaps covered so far for gen bio. Yes, gloat gloat gloat. But im proud of myself. And know what? The Krebs cycle isnt so hard what. Its understandable. So why do all those post A level bio peeps keep giving me the creeps by shuderring when I mention it? Its quite interesting too. Sigh. Hope im not being to cocky though. Reading and understanding is one thing. Doing well is another. I have a nagging suspicion that the finals' MCQs are gonna be way tricky. Still, i'll be ready and no way am i gonna S/U this mod :)
Been reading arabic too and alhamdulillah, i think i am improving :)
Ok, so im still deciding which topic to do for my eva acad arg mod's position paper. Should I write on 'entrapment' or 'legalising prostitution'?
Then, theres the fact that Ive totally neglected bio psych and adol psych. Im struggling with the former btw. Hopefully not for long.
Oh gosh. I dont think im that satisfied with my mid-sem break after all. ARGH.
Another 4 days to go...(but then i'll be working on my lab report...)
BLIMEY.
breathe farah breathe..
Monday, September 25, 2006
Stuff to do
BY this week:-
1) Gen bio lab assignment 3
2) Lab in health report 2
3) Gem 1008 critique
4) Gem 1008 position paper research
5) Lab in health project research
1) Gen bio lab assignment 3
2) Lab in health report 2
3) Gem 1008 critique
4) Gem 1008 position paper research
5) Lab in health project research
a little 'off time'
I cant exactly remember what i was dreaming about in my sleep but i vaguely remember heading to the swimming pool in one segment of it while in another segment of my dream I was speaking French (really badly, i must add) to some people. And in another segment someone was after us? 'Us' who? I have no idea.
Ive been sleeping too much. I cant seem to get myself out of bed. Take today for instance. I woke up at 5am to sahur but all i could do was to drink water with half open eyes (thankfully, i always put a bottle of water by my bed) and i went back to sleep. Woke up at 8am but then i went back to sleep. Woke up at 9.15am but went back to sleep. Woke up at 10am....and i had to force myself to sit up.
Im obviously lacking motivation to wake up.
And my sleep-wake cycle has wrongly stabilised after thurs. Im sleeping 10 hours a day now. Gosh, this is unhealthy.
Slacked on saturday and sunday but I deserve it lah.
Went to ECP on sat for a morn run with nudgie, tuition (her finals are in 2 WEEKS TIME!!! argh), then had lunch with nudgie and his sister (think the sister is warming up to me :) ) and later went to my aunts place for some prayer thing for my grandma (cant believe its almost a year already since she left).
Sunday was slacking around even though I was scheduled to study. Went shopping with sister and heh, I bought myself a pair of shoes. I fell in love with it at first sight. Ive been looking for that kind of shoe for a very long time. Its black, velvet, pointy and flat.
Anyhoos, my dad has invited nudgie over on friday for dinner. I dont know whether to feel excited or anxious.
Its nearly mid-day now and im still deciding which subject I should study. I guess I'll just open my cupboard and grab whichever book that calls out to me. No point studying something Im not in the mood for. It is the break after all :)
Ive been sleeping too much. I cant seem to get myself out of bed. Take today for instance. I woke up at 5am to sahur but all i could do was to drink water with half open eyes (thankfully, i always put a bottle of water by my bed) and i went back to sleep. Woke up at 8am but then i went back to sleep. Woke up at 9.15am but went back to sleep. Woke up at 10am....and i had to force myself to sit up.
Im obviously lacking motivation to wake up.
And my sleep-wake cycle has wrongly stabilised after thurs. Im sleeping 10 hours a day now. Gosh, this is unhealthy.
Slacked on saturday and sunday but I deserve it lah.
Went to ECP on sat for a morn run with nudgie, tuition (her finals are in 2 WEEKS TIME!!! argh), then had lunch with nudgie and his sister (think the sister is warming up to me :) ) and later went to my aunts place for some prayer thing for my grandma (cant believe its almost a year already since she left).
Sunday was slacking around even though I was scheduled to study. Went shopping with sister and heh, I bought myself a pair of shoes. I fell in love with it at first sight. Ive been looking for that kind of shoe for a very long time. Its black, velvet, pointy and flat.
Anyhoos, my dad has invited nudgie over on friday for dinner. I dont know whether to feel excited or anxious.
Its nearly mid-day now and im still deciding which subject I should study. I guess I'll just open my cupboard and grab whichever book that calls out to me. No point studying something Im not in the mood for. It is the break after all :)
Friday, September 22, 2006
Break.
Sleep deprived but satisfied.
Handed in the paper finally.
Breather for now.
Happy.
Extracted DNA just now :) Cool stuff :)
Waiting for a ride home. I think its best that the public be kept safely away from me.
Hmm, everyone around me is so happy :) So nice.
Kweeting and sharon very noisy. "Now then you know", says Kweeting. "Ha Ha Ha", says sharon :)
Hmm...Im.....happy :)
Handed in the paper finally.
Breather for now.
Happy.
Extracted DNA just now :) Cool stuff :)
Waiting for a ride home. I think its best that the public be kept safely away from me.
Hmm, everyone around me is so happy :) So nice.
Kweeting and sharon very noisy. "Now then you know", says Kweeting. "Ha Ha Ha", says sharon :)
Hmm...Im.....happy :)
Thursday, September 21, 2006
light at the end of the tunnel
When you really begin to question yourself about whether God has decided to not help you because He's helped you too much and you havent been that much of a grateful person.
When you feel that something so worldly and inconsequential in the larger scheme of things shouldn't get to you but alas, it did.
When you think what a rotten person you are inside and wonder if God can forgive you and still loves you.
When you begin the question the way things are and why and then feel downright guilty about it.
When you just want to sleep cos thats where you feel happiest and care-free.
The blues.
But then, someone comes and lends a listening ear and offer kind words of advice and to remind you of what is. That's when all darkness dissipates and a rush of hope illuminates and pierces through the abyss you've drowned yourself in.
You realise and remember(as you always did, deep in your heart), that God will always be with you. God is forgiving. God is wise. God is loving.
God will always help if you ask Him to. All you got to do is to believe.
Then everything will truly be alright.
Insya-Allah.
When you feel that something so worldly and inconsequential in the larger scheme of things shouldn't get to you but alas, it did.
When you think what a rotten person you are inside and wonder if God can forgive you and still loves you.
When you begin the question the way things are and why and then feel downright guilty about it.
When you just want to sleep cos thats where you feel happiest and care-free.
The blues.
But then, someone comes and lends a listening ear and offer kind words of advice and to remind you of what is. That's when all darkness dissipates and a rush of hope illuminates and pierces through the abyss you've drowned yourself in.
You realise and remember(as you always did, deep in your heart), that God will always be with you. God is forgiving. God is wise. God is loving.
God will always help if you ask Him to. All you got to do is to believe.
Then everything will truly be alright.
Insya-Allah.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Yank me hair out..GARGH!
Did not feel like getting out of bed today at all. I just wanted to sleep and forget about everything else. Call it my form of escapism.
How? HOW?
Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, Breathe out.
The inertia to start yet again on yet another one, barely having the time to recover from the previous one.
Assignment after assignment after assignment after assignment...
I want term break to come. I need it to come. COME!!
gargh
How? HOW?
Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, Breathe out.
The inertia to start yet again on yet another one, barely having the time to recover from the previous one.
Assignment after assignment after assignment after assignment...
I want term break to come. I need it to come. COME!!
gargh
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
What else is due (new)?
Item Status
- Bio psych termpaper Done
- Eva acad arg assignment Due Fri 15/9
- Gen Bio lab assignment Due Tues 19/9 (dateline still to be confirmed)
- Lab in app psych report 1 Due Wed 20/9
- Adol psych critique Due Fri 22/9
Breathe.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Inspirational
I have often dreamed, of a far off place
Where a hero's welcome, would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face
And a voice keeps saying, this is where I'm meant to be
I'll be there someday, I can go the distance
I will find my way, if I can be strong
I know ev'ry mile, will be worth my while
When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong
Down an unknown road, to embrace my fate
Though that road may wander, it will lead me to you
And a thousand years, would be worth the wait
It might take a lifetime, but somehow I'll see it through
And I won't look back, I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track, no, I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope, but I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance, and my journey is complete
But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart
Like a shooting star, I will go the distance
I will search the world, I will face its' harms
I don't care how far, I can go the distance
Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms
I will search the world, I will face its harms
Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms
-Go the Distance, Michael Bolton
Where a hero's welcome, would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face
And a voice keeps saying, this is where I'm meant to be
I'll be there someday, I can go the distance
I will find my way, if I can be strong
I know ev'ry mile, will be worth my while
When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong
Down an unknown road, to embrace my fate
Though that road may wander, it will lead me to you
And a thousand years, would be worth the wait
It might take a lifetime, but somehow I'll see it through
And I won't look back, I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track, no, I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope, but I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance, and my journey is complete
But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart
Like a shooting star, I will go the distance
I will search the world, I will face its' harms
I don't care how far, I can go the distance
Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms
I will search the world, I will face its harms
Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms
-Go the Distance, Michael Bolton
Mellow
Something is physically wrong with me.
My legs are stiff and heavier than usual while my head is light. I seem to somehow sway to the left when i stand up and if I lie down and close my eyes, I feel like I'm being sucked into a whirpool.
I am procrastinating.
I dont feel like starting on my term paper anytime soon but I know I must. I want to enjoy writing it up. I mean contrary to what others may feel, I enjoy the researching bit. The sense of purpose while listening to music I havent heard in ages and just bobbing my head is great but when it comes to actually consolidating everything you've found and churning out a comprehensive and sensible paper is the hardest bit. The adrenalin knowing that Im almost done gets me too excited that I just cant sit still to think.
I'm also feeling torn.
Two of my friends are celebrating their birthday in tomorrow. One of them's flying off soon and her birthday's in Oct while the other one has hers next week but both are having it tomorrow.
Question is, how does farah fly from clementi to pasir ris then to bugis (presumably) then head back to tamp all in 5 hours? Heck, I'll make it for both. These two girls are my friends and I want to be present at their 21st birthday celebration.
Tomorrow would also be our 15th month together. I know its silly but since we dont hang out much, making the effort to 'celebrate' each month is something that we share. The best thing about this relationship, however, is that we're flexible. (or rather, he is more than I am and should be) I mean, we both know that we have our own lives and circle of friends. So thank you for everything and for all the support you've given me in anything that I do. Even the littlest things you do for me means so much to me. And you've given me a lot.
Anyway, Im proud of myself for mustering enough gut yesterday as I went up to a certain lecturer. I am anticipating (and praying for) a favourable outcome :)
Also, a conversation I had a few days ago with a friend has been ringing in my head. I may have unintensionally arrived at a response without much thought. He asked if I were given a chance to work with a bunch of people for a project, would I join the people who have gotten 'A's or would I prefer to work with others (ie im assuming non A students)?
I immedietly responded that I would join the A group people. I now regret my answer and my reason.
I had mentioned that working with those A graders would give me the sense of security that these people are not slackers which I based on the assumption that grades are reflective of a person's interest and dedication to his/her work.
I now retract what I say because I realise and know that my reason is flawed.
Experience has showed me that grades are fluctuate. And I was wrong. I have worked my butt off for something before and was extremely passionate about it but I didnt score as well as others. To think that someone else would not want me in their group because of that bad grade and hence on that ill-conceived premise (which i had regrettably made) riles me. Besides, I do know of people who are not hardworking or as interested in work but who nonetheless managed to get As.
So my point is that if I have to choose groupmates, I would rather work with amicable people with positive work attitude. It doesnt matter what their previous grades may be. If I can work with people who share similar interests and working styles, Ill work with them for sure.
I guess we've been raised to think that grades (and therefore achievement) maketh the person. While it may be true to some, it could also be untrue. The relative in this matter, is the person, the key which is oft overlooked.
So having thought through the question, I humbly regret and am deeply ashamed at my rash answer previously.
How about you? Whoever is reading my blog? Given a situation where you must choose between amicable A graders and amicable others with whom you've worked with both groups of people before which would you choose?
My legs are stiff and heavier than usual while my head is light. I seem to somehow sway to the left when i stand up and if I lie down and close my eyes, I feel like I'm being sucked into a whirpool.
I am procrastinating.
I dont feel like starting on my term paper anytime soon but I know I must. I want to enjoy writing it up. I mean contrary to what others may feel, I enjoy the researching bit. The sense of purpose while listening to music I havent heard in ages and just bobbing my head is great but when it comes to actually consolidating everything you've found and churning out a comprehensive and sensible paper is the hardest bit. The adrenalin knowing that Im almost done gets me too excited that I just cant sit still to think.
I'm also feeling torn.
Two of my friends are celebrating their birthday in tomorrow. One of them's flying off soon and her birthday's in Oct while the other one has hers next week but both are having it tomorrow.
Question is, how does farah fly from clementi to pasir ris then to bugis (presumably) then head back to tamp all in 5 hours? Heck, I'll make it for both. These two girls are my friends and I want to be present at their 21st birthday celebration.
Tomorrow would also be our 15th month together. I know its silly but since we dont hang out much, making the effort to 'celebrate' each month is something that we share. The best thing about this relationship, however, is that we're flexible. (or rather, he is more than I am and should be) I mean, we both know that we have our own lives and circle of friends. So thank you for everything and for all the support you've given me in anything that I do. Even the littlest things you do for me means so much to me. And you've given me a lot.
Anyway, Im proud of myself for mustering enough gut yesterday as I went up to a certain lecturer. I am anticipating (and praying for) a favourable outcome :)
Also, a conversation I had a few days ago with a friend has been ringing in my head. I may have unintensionally arrived at a response without much thought. He asked if I were given a chance to work with a bunch of people for a project, would I join the people who have gotten 'A's or would I prefer to work with others (ie im assuming non A students)?
I immedietly responded that I would join the A group people. I now regret my answer and my reason.
I had mentioned that working with those A graders would give me the sense of security that these people are not slackers which I based on the assumption that grades are reflective of a person's interest and dedication to his/her work.
I now retract what I say because I realise and know that my reason is flawed.
Experience has showed me that grades are fluctuate. And I was wrong. I have worked my butt off for something before and was extremely passionate about it but I didnt score as well as others. To think that someone else would not want me in their group because of that bad grade and hence on that ill-conceived premise (which i had regrettably made) riles me. Besides, I do know of people who are not hardworking or as interested in work but who nonetheless managed to get As.
So my point is that if I have to choose groupmates, I would rather work with amicable people with positive work attitude. It doesnt matter what their previous grades may be. If I can work with people who share similar interests and working styles, Ill work with them for sure.
I guess we've been raised to think that grades (and therefore achievement) maketh the person. While it may be true to some, it could also be untrue. The relative in this matter, is the person, the key which is oft overlooked.
So having thought through the question, I humbly regret and am deeply ashamed at my rash answer previously.
How about you? Whoever is reading my blog? Given a situation where you must choose between amicable A graders and amicable others with whom you've worked with both groups of people before which would you choose?
Monday, September 04, 2006
eye
Doesnt the word the two 'e's in the word 'eye' look like eyes? With the 'y' as the nose?
My student's mom asked me if im 'senang' (prosperous) because ive gained weight.
....
eye
Ive formulated a few hypotheses. Namely, there is a correlation between weight gain and academic achievement (moderated or is it mediated (darn, i get confused btw the two) by eating behaviour). And, there is a correlation between liking a subject and doing well in it. Note, correlation doesnt mean its causal and of course, while the latter could be bidirectional, i dont see how the first can be. But you never know huh?
....
eye
Wonder why my tagboard hasnt been as 'happening' as it used to be before i removed it. Why ah?
eye
Blank.
Heh, did you feel like you were being stared at by 'eye's throughout this post?
Gosh. Im funny. :)
eye
My student's mom asked me if im 'senang' (prosperous) because ive gained weight.
....
eye
Ive formulated a few hypotheses. Namely, there is a correlation between weight gain and academic achievement (moderated or is it mediated (darn, i get confused btw the two) by eating behaviour). And, there is a correlation between liking a subject and doing well in it. Note, correlation doesnt mean its causal and of course, while the latter could be bidirectional, i dont see how the first can be. But you never know huh?
....
eye
Wonder why my tagboard hasnt been as 'happening' as it used to be before i removed it. Why ah?
eye
Blank.
Heh, did you feel like you were being stared at by 'eye's throughout this post?
Gosh. Im funny. :)
eye
Thursday, August 31, 2006
School and stuff.
I may have been subconsciously over-ambitious this semester. Expectation wise. And i've only realised this yesterday evening as I wondered why i was feeling so stressed out even though its just the 3rd week of school.
I am taxing myself too much. Oh please, farah, you were never the sort of student to read the relevant chapters before any lecture. And because you thought you were always on the ball, you suddenly realise that being 3 chapters behind in almost every module was enough to just want to sleep and get away from everything.
Escapism beckoned till last evening.
So there, who cares if im chapters behind in my readings? who cares if im not that on the ball? Im only human. So why the sudden revelation? Cos as of yesterday, i realise that instead of worrying on how im gonna read the previous chaps and next week chapts within this week, i should focus on the task(s) at hand.
Term papers.
I have one due on the 12th and another soon after. So why not, instead focus on what i gotta do now? I'll have plenty of time to catch up. Perhaps as i work on these papers, i'll also go through those readings(although i dont really think so but the possibility is there). Then there's always reading week. There'll always be time.
No sweat. I can handle this. Baby steps is all i need to take. Rome wasnt built in a day.and neither will my cap.
Now i just need to be able to focus...and breathe. Just like I always say..breathe.
And many thanks to my friends at the swaps table. Will it still be called the swaps table? Anyways, i also realise that I need people around me. I was absolutely perplexed as to how i should approach my bio psych term paper till i approached the peeps there. Im so seriously blessed to know that I can always depend on someone there for company, advice, to engage in intellectual babble, information, bitching and well, anything basically! :) You guys are great :)
Aside: I ran for the first time at the SRC track on campus. Ran with cheryl and was hit by a bout of nostalgia triggered by familiar circumstances: Tuesday evenings(3rd period PE), cheryl, a certain big-head senior training on the track, a certain PE teacher coaching, and certain soccer players training. Deja Vu? Was i back at VJ? :)
Played netball and whee! i scored a goal to tie the match. :) But wah, darn tiring.
I am taxing myself too much. Oh please, farah, you were never the sort of student to read the relevant chapters before any lecture. And because you thought you were always on the ball, you suddenly realise that being 3 chapters behind in almost every module was enough to just want to sleep and get away from everything.
Escapism beckoned till last evening.
So there, who cares if im chapters behind in my readings? who cares if im not that on the ball? Im only human. So why the sudden revelation? Cos as of yesterday, i realise that instead of worrying on how im gonna read the previous chaps and next week chapts within this week, i should focus on the task(s) at hand.
Term papers.
I have one due on the 12th and another soon after. So why not, instead focus on what i gotta do now? I'll have plenty of time to catch up. Perhaps as i work on these papers, i'll also go through those readings(although i dont really think so but the possibility is there). Then there's always reading week. There'll always be time.
No sweat. I can handle this. Baby steps is all i need to take. Rome wasnt built in a day.and neither will my cap.
Now i just need to be able to focus...and breathe. Just like I always say..breathe.
And many thanks to my friends at the swaps table. Will it still be called the swaps table? Anyways, i also realise that I need people around me. I was absolutely perplexed as to how i should approach my bio psych term paper till i approached the peeps there. Im so seriously blessed to know that I can always depend on someone there for company, advice, to engage in intellectual babble, information, bitching and well, anything basically! :) You guys are great :)
Aside: I ran for the first time at the SRC track on campus. Ran with cheryl and was hit by a bout of nostalgia triggered by familiar circumstances: Tuesday evenings(3rd period PE), cheryl, a certain big-head senior training on the track, a certain PE teacher coaching, and certain soccer players training. Deja Vu? Was i back at VJ? :)
Played netball and whee! i scored a goal to tie the match. :) But wah, darn tiring.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Big circle I ran
I really can’t believe it. The only time I ran around bedok reservoir before today was for cross country in sec 3. Heh, I completed it then. So the thing that worried me a little before I started the jog this morning was whether I could complete it again. After all, I was much fitter when I was 15. But wow. I did! I’m so happy. The company, the scorching sun and the will power to not NOT complete the run and shatter the memory of reservoir experience turned out to be very motivating.
4.3km non stop. ME! Hehe. Looks like the previous morn runs have been effective!
My other weekly exercise activities: Sunday swims and Tuesday netball.
To a fitter me! :)
4.3km non stop. ME! Hehe. Looks like the previous morn runs have been effective!
My other weekly exercise activities: Sunday swims and Tuesday netball.
To a fitter me! :)