I got back my psych test results yesterday! Im so so so so happy. ;) I was super high the whole day...then the french paper came back...and Farah was high no more. Ah well! C'est la vie!
French lecturer was pretty irritated yesterday. Was complaining about the admin system in NUS and about how NUS wont pay him till a few months later...and how he had to buy his own markers...so I thought of a very gd idea..since our last lesson's coming soon, haha as a joke, I propose buying him a bunch of markers. I toldd kenneth about it..he thinks its funny! HAHA..
la la la...half an hr more to RP.
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Resistance is futile
Just finished my psych lecture. A pretty interesting one, i must say. It dealt with motivation and emotion, and how some people get anorexic and stuff. There was this one thing Dr Cha said that was so hilarious I had to put it as my title today...you see, there is something called the weight set point. Basically, its this equilibrium thingy in your body that controls your metabolic rate. So below this wight set point, your metabolic rate would decrease, vice-versa...which is why dieting never works. Anyway, so what determines the weight set point? its the no of fat cells in your body. So when you were a child, whenever you increased weight, the no of fat cells increase..all the way till youre 2 yrs old. Thats when the weight set point's determine....so, Dr Cha said smt like "so to all the ladies who wanna lose somemore weight, resistance is futile"....
Hahahhaha.......and i went damn. So fat babies shall remain fat babies!
anyway, yesterday, i was on the bus...293 on the way home at about 4.20. I couldnt understand the bus driver.Like wassup man! You see, these two really old folks got up the bus. Its really amazing that they managed to get to their seats in the first place...such fragile looking people. They didnt pay for their trip and after a while, the stern looking bus driver rudely asked "Lu belum bayar ah?" (you havent paid) So the old indian lady muttered to her husband and both began searching for change in their purses. oh no...they didnt have enough. All this while, as i looked on, i noticed this malay lady taking her purse and digging for money too...then she made her way to the front and placed some change in the old lady's hand. All this while, the bus driver casted furtive glances from the rear view window..and worse, he looked angry that the malay lady helped out! Like what the!! Wierd bus driver on a power trip I suppose. I mean, give the old folks a break will ya??
Hahahhaha.......and i went damn. So fat babies shall remain fat babies!
anyway, yesterday, i was on the bus...293 on the way home at about 4.20. I couldnt understand the bus driver.Like wassup man! You see, these two really old folks got up the bus. Its really amazing that they managed to get to their seats in the first place...such fragile looking people. They didnt pay for their trip and after a while, the stern looking bus driver rudely asked "Lu belum bayar ah?" (you havent paid) So the old indian lady muttered to her husband and both began searching for change in their purses. oh no...they didnt have enough. All this while, as i looked on, i noticed this malay lady taking her purse and digging for money too...then she made her way to the front and placed some change in the old lady's hand. All this while, the bus driver casted furtive glances from the rear view window..and worse, he looked angry that the malay lady helped out! Like what the!! Wierd bus driver on a power trip I suppose. I mean, give the old folks a break will ya??
Monday, October 25, 2004
Red Monday
So im wearing red. Couldnt come up with a better title. I've just finished my only lesson of the day.Im supposed to send my handphone for repair but somehow, i just cant seem to get my butt un-glued to the bench. A little while more then.....
Handed up the research paper. Oh dear, i should not have read other people's titles. Im so gonna score shitly for this paper. ah well. Got back my museum report.The lowest in class was a B+....so yup. Should i be happy? :)
Random thought of the day: WHY why cant women wearing skirts be mindful of their sitting decorum? I mean like hello, i dont wanna see your panties!
Anyway, yest was the last episode of Mists of Avalon. So that leaves me with Witchblade(still trying to figure out the show) and Gilmore Girls as my weekend entertainment. Oh, and law and order of course.
I love gilmore girls. I mean, its a fantastic show. I practically grew up watching it. When Rory had her final exams, so did I. When rory worried about which university to pick, so did I. When rory had her vacation, so did I. When rory went to university, so did I. I supose in a way, She represents an ideal role modern for gals my age. She's brilliant, independant, pretty, has a understanding and totally cool mom, she had a gorgeous boyfriend who still loves her. Like whoa.
Okay, enough...ive really gotta go home now!
Handed up the research paper. Oh dear, i should not have read other people's titles. Im so gonna score shitly for this paper. ah well. Got back my museum report.The lowest in class was a B+....so yup. Should i be happy? :)
Random thought of the day: WHY why cant women wearing skirts be mindful of their sitting decorum? I mean like hello, i dont wanna see your panties!
Anyway, yest was the last episode of Mists of Avalon. So that leaves me with Witchblade(still trying to figure out the show) and Gilmore Girls as my weekend entertainment. Oh, and law and order of course.
I love gilmore girls. I mean, its a fantastic show. I practically grew up watching it. When Rory had her final exams, so did I. When rory worried about which university to pick, so did I. When rory had her vacation, so did I. When rory went to university, so did I. I supose in a way, She represents an ideal role modern for gals my age. She's brilliant, independant, pretty, has a understanding and totally cool mom, she had a gorgeous boyfriend who still loves her. Like whoa.
Okay, enough...ive really gotta go home now!
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Saturday, October 23, 2004
Personality Disorder Test results! HAHA...
Please remember that this test isn't meant to diagnose you. Only a professional can do that. Below are your test results, broken down for the ten different personality disorders. You are rated "low," "moderate," "high," or "very high" probability for each disorder. Low or moderate ratings mean that you are unlikely to have the disorder. High or very high means you are more likely to have the disorder. Only a professional can diagnose a disorder, however. Scroll down past the results for recommended books that might help you.
Disorder Rating
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: Low
URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/disorder_information2.html
Paranoid
Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships with others. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant to others. They usually shift blame to others and tend to carry long grudges.
Schizoid
People with schizoid personality disorder avoid relationships and do not show much emotion. They genuinely prefer to be alone and do not secretly wish for popularity. They tend to seek jobs that require little social contact. Their social skills are often weak and they do not show a need for attention or acceptance. They are perceived as humorless and distant and often are termed "loners."
Schizotypal
Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow.
Antisocial
A common misconception is that antisocial personality disorder refers to people who have poor social skills. The opposite is often the case. Instead, antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of conscience. People with this disorder are prone to criminal behavior, believing that their victims are weak and deserving of being taken advantage of. They tend to lie and steal. Often, they are careless with money and take action without thinking about consequences. They are often agressive and are much more concerned with their own needs than the needs of others.
Borderline
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing themselves injury. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. They think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met.
Histrionic
People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. They also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative.
Narcissistic
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recongize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. They tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.
Avoidant
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.
Dependent
Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. They often remain in abusive relationships. They are overly sensitive to disapproval. They often feel helpless and depressed.
Obsessive-Compulsive
Obsessive-Compulsive personality disorder is similar to obsessive-compulsive anxiety disorder. People with this disorder are overly focused on orderliness and perfection. Their need to do everything "right" often interferes with their productivity. They tend to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves and others, and tend to be very critical of others when they do not live up to these high standards. They avoid working in teams, believing others to be too careless or incompetent. They avoid making decisions because they fear making mistakes and are rarely generous with their time or money. They often have difficulty expressing emotion.
http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
Disorder Rating
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: Low
URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/disorder_information2.html
Paranoid
Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships with others. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant to others. They usually shift blame to others and tend to carry long grudges.
Schizoid
People with schizoid personality disorder avoid relationships and do not show much emotion. They genuinely prefer to be alone and do not secretly wish for popularity. They tend to seek jobs that require little social contact. Their social skills are often weak and they do not show a need for attention or acceptance. They are perceived as humorless and distant and often are termed "loners."
Schizotypal
Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow.
Antisocial
A common misconception is that antisocial personality disorder refers to people who have poor social skills. The opposite is often the case. Instead, antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of conscience. People with this disorder are prone to criminal behavior, believing that their victims are weak and deserving of being taken advantage of. They tend to lie and steal. Often, they are careless with money and take action without thinking about consequences. They are often agressive and are much more concerned with their own needs than the needs of others.
Borderline
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing themselves injury. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. They think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met.
Histrionic
People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. They also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative.
Narcissistic
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recongize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. They tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.
Avoidant
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.
Dependent
Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. They often remain in abusive relationships. They are overly sensitive to disapproval. They often feel helpless and depressed.
Obsessive-Compulsive
Obsessive-Compulsive personality disorder is similar to obsessive-compulsive anxiety disorder. People with this disorder are overly focused on orderliness and perfection. Their need to do everything "right" often interferes with their productivity. They tend to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves and others, and tend to be very critical of others when they do not live up to these high standards. They avoid working in teams, believing others to be too careless or incompetent. They avoid making decisions because they fear making mistakes and are rarely generous with their time or money. They often have difficulty expressing emotion.
http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
Friday, October 22, 2004
sigh
okay, so yesterday's french test was a bummer. I kept getting mixed up between imperatif and passe compose. It was such an easy paper...and i made such a stupid mistake. I well, felt shity after that. It was mainly cos of my English test result as well. i just passed. and so now, im frantically looking for people to tutor me. So far, ive managed to get karina and ranjani to help......to think i even had nightmares about that. I didnt want to come for eng lect today but conscience prevail...besides, I WILL NOT BE A SORE QUITER. i will not resent a subject when i do not do well in it. ive gotta change my mentality. so erhem I like EL1101E. I like EL1101e. I like El1101E. I Like EL1101E.
ok, ive gotta go for econs tutorial now. I will try not to skip my lect later. If i do, that would be like 4 times in a row, one whole month, 1/3 of a semester of cutting econs lect. HAHA. no no i will not.....
sigh. i think im PMS-ing.
i dropped my hp yest..and now it cant switch off. :(
ok, ive gotta go for econs tutorial now. I will try not to skip my lect later. If i do, that would be like 4 times in a row, one whole month, 1/3 of a semester of cutting econs lect. HAHA. no no i will not.....
sigh. i think im PMS-ing.
i dropped my hp yest..and now it cant switch off. :(
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Englisheeeesssssssshhhhh
Argh. Argh. Argh. I dont understand. why am i still at the bottom of the class for stupid EL1101E???? i mean its freaking English! I have been scoring for eng since like primary one! like what the? Its like some cruel joke. Ha ha ha.
Breathe farah breathe....
everything
happens
for
a reason.....
maybe im too cocky..and im paying for it.....
i'll go kiss the floor now. just kidding just kidding. -_-
Breathe farah breathe....
everything
happens
for
a reason.....
maybe im too cocky..and im paying for it.....
i'll go kiss the floor now. just kidding just kidding. -_-
Saturday, October 16, 2004
A post from home!
I am so full. So so full and contented. Had a great dinner a an hour ago. Nothing beats my Umi's cooking! I was gonna type something actually but I cant seem to remember. Talk about short term memory. Which reminds me, Ive gotta study psych.
Oh! I remember what it is now...I PASSED MY ECONS TEST!!!!!! Just when i thought there was no hope! That I would embarass myself with low marks considering exactly one yr ago I was studying the exact same thing! Whee~
Is it me or is the weather really really hot at night?
Earlier today, I had my last tuition session with Rena. In a way, she reminds me a lot of myself when I was 14. Troubled with studies and finding out who my friends really are. Imagining that teachers are from a totally different planet. Thinking your parents just dont understand. Feel like you're spinning and spinning and spinning around, trying to find and come to terms with who you are. I hated Sec 2. I had a discussion with Pema about this after French class. The french lecturer had previously said someting rather patronising..."Maybe you asians have adolescence problems later in life" Yeah, right..like when we're 40? So i made a hypothesis.. most of us would have probably encountered it when we're 14...and i bagan asking a few ppl and well, they concured.Well, it isnt an accurant survey anyway. The sample size was far too small. But still, it doesnt change the fact that being 14 was a nightmare.
In any case, I should get back to work.
And yes, while and after praying with my family yest, I remembered about all the things that has happened over the past year. I have truly been blessed. I have a great life. Prayers really do work. They really do. So i just have to keep my faith...Amin!
Oh! I remember what it is now...I PASSED MY ECONS TEST!!!!!! Just when i thought there was no hope! That I would embarass myself with low marks considering exactly one yr ago I was studying the exact same thing! Whee~
Is it me or is the weather really really hot at night?
Earlier today, I had my last tuition session with Rena. In a way, she reminds me a lot of myself when I was 14. Troubled with studies and finding out who my friends really are. Imagining that teachers are from a totally different planet. Thinking your parents just dont understand. Feel like you're spinning and spinning and spinning around, trying to find and come to terms with who you are. I hated Sec 2. I had a discussion with Pema about this after French class. The french lecturer had previously said someting rather patronising..."Maybe you asians have adolescence problems later in life" Yeah, right..like when we're 40? So i made a hypothesis.. most of us would have probably encountered it when we're 14...and i bagan asking a few ppl and well, they concured.Well, it isnt an accurant survey anyway. The sample size was far too small. But still, it doesnt change the fact that being 14 was a nightmare.
In any case, I should get back to work.
And yes, while and after praying with my family yest, I remembered about all the things that has happened over the past year. I have truly been blessed. I have a great life. Prayers really do work. They really do. So i just have to keep my faith...Amin!
Friday, October 15, 2004
God loves me
Yes, HE does. French is postponed to thursday. Phew. So farah's weekend schedule:
1) Mug for psychology
2) Mug for French
3) Worry about SEA research paper because i will only have four days since i intend to get started only when both my tests are over. It doesnt help to know SOME people finished theirs! (nudge nudge karina) -_-
1) Mug for psychology
2) Mug for French
3) Worry about SEA research paper because i will only have four days since i intend to get started only when both my tests are over. It doesnt help to know SOME people finished theirs! (nudge nudge karina) -_-
English, cute babies, and bulan ramadan.
I just finished the dreaded EL paper. I just feel this overwhelming relief.It wasnt easy but i was already expecting that. Besides, i fell asleep reading the book and only managed to read/skim through the book on the MRT.(sat between two sleeeeeepy heads. are my shoulders that comfortable?) so there, its over. Thank god I brought a dictionary. A BIG help indeed.
Went out with pema, kenneth and Mark yest. Buka-ed at NYDC. There was this super dooperly cute baby. i think he's iranian or smt and he's soooooooo cuteeeeeeeee... he kept seeking our attention and he even grabbed the waitress' butt. Her reaction was so hilarious! Gosh, i hope my children would be as gorgeous as that!
Its the start of the fasting month. I wonder if i should skip my econs lect. so that would be 3 in a row. But really! the whole family would be breaking fast together...and since Umi's working the afternoon shift and Mhd's shifts are irregular....this yr would be different....
anyway, i received a msg from a very old friend. hmm.
haha i just met Monsiuer(how do you spell it...ARGH) Gilbert...and we spoke french..hahah.
okay, ive gotta be a lab rat...after Eugene briefs me on the survey thingy.
Went out with pema, kenneth and Mark yest. Buka-ed at NYDC. There was this super dooperly cute baby. i think he's iranian or smt and he's soooooooo cuteeeeeeeee... he kept seeking our attention and he even grabbed the waitress' butt. Her reaction was so hilarious! Gosh, i hope my children would be as gorgeous as that!
Its the start of the fasting month. I wonder if i should skip my econs lect. so that would be 3 in a row. But really! the whole family would be breaking fast together...and since Umi's working the afternoon shift and Mhd's shifts are irregular....this yr would be different....
anyway, i received a msg from a very old friend. hmm.
haha i just met Monsiuer(how do you spell it...ARGH) Gilbert...and we spoke french..hahah.
okay, ive gotta be a lab rat...after Eugene briefs me on the survey thingy.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Taking it slow.....
I have decided...i am not going to panic. I am going to take this semester easy. It is my first semester after all and i should cut my self some slack. So what if i had initially planned on making it into the Deans list and getting on my way to a first class honours? Ambitions ambitions ambitions. Tsk tsk. remember what happened earlier in J1? I wanted to take 4 A levels with 2 S papers...remember how I wanted to take maths and econs S? hahah...I ended up dropping an A level sub. But Im still happy. But that doesnt mean im gonna be a completely unmotivated person. i will keep trying hard and do my work and all but i will not be stressed. I want to live longer! Plus, i dont really know what i should expect for the exams so i'll be using this sem as a gauge.
Im in the SWAPS room right now actually...was storing some stuff and since i brought my lap top i might as well try if this room has reception and what do you know? it does!!!! Signal Strength=Very Good. It's pretty quiet in here and heck, i think its more conducive to do my work here than in the lib. At least i'll have my privacy. Am i even allowed to do this? I don't know..but as far as im concerned, i have the keys so why not? Im not doing anything bad here.
I have officially ended my lessons and i intended to study my english BUT i didnt bring my file. Urgh. Too bad...i think i'll just go home later...
Im in the SWAPS room right now actually...was storing some stuff and since i brought my lap top i might as well try if this room has reception and what do you know? it does!!!! Signal Strength=Very Good. It's pretty quiet in here and heck, i think its more conducive to do my work here than in the lib. At least i'll have my privacy. Am i even allowed to do this? I don't know..but as far as im concerned, i have the keys so why not? Im not doing anything bad here.
I have officially ended my lessons and i intended to study my english BUT i didnt bring my file. Urgh. Too bad...i think i'll just go home later...
WHEE~~~~~~
I did it! Im not a tech bimbo after all!!! haha i regained my computer skills...you see little chewren, farah was taught how to create web pages when she was primary 6...then she just forgot about it!!! not anymore!!!!!!!! Ive finally linked my friend's bloggies to mine!!!!!
whee~
whee~
Monday, October 11, 2004
10th October 2004
KEY note
I feel incredibly stupid right now. God, where do I start? Everything seems so surreal now. I’m just feeling overwhelmed with all that’s happened…..
I went down to Photostat my SEA presentation stuff on transparencies and to make a duplicate set of keys to the SWAPS cupboard. I had to get it done by Friday. I suppose I decided to do it today cos I wanted to show the others that I’m pretty efficient. Oh man, it turn out quite contrary. The impression of me after that event would have remarkable changed.
So I went to the shop with the bunch of keys, gave it to the guy and left, heading to the photocopy shop. When I came back, the lady was still making the keys and I had ½ left before Gilmore Girls started. So when she was done, she gave me back the original set. That was when it all began….
I was dumbfounded, stupefied, f***king pissed cos the bunch of keys in my hand didn’t feel right. I remembered instinctively that there was like 2 or more keys… where were they? I panicked. Shit. Shit. Shit. I’m so screwed. I argued with the shop keepers. I didn’t care what passers-by thought of me. I wanted my keys back. They kept insisting that what they returned me was precisely what I had handed to them. I felt helpless.Defeated…and I did the unthinkable. I started to cry. Sob violently was more like it. And in between the gasps of air, I choked on my words and explained to them, “It’s not my keys…I need them back..I need them back”. I was so sure I gave them the whole bunch. I was so sure.
My mind raced. I couldn’t do anything..I had to think of something. I reached for my handphone and called Gene. Pick up Gene…pick up…I called Eugene next. No answer. And then I called Zhisheng. When I heard the click of an answer I felt relieved.. and then I burst out sobbing into the phone, explaining to Zhisheng, feeling utterly useless and incompetent. I was initially hesitant to call him cos I’ve always felt intimidated by him. I always felt useless in his presence. Like during the acad meetings. So it was odd speaking to him…but he was so nice about it. He even offered to come down to settle things….then I called my sister in the meantime..within moments she came down. By then, I had spoken to Gene and he assured me that there was another set of keys with the admin. My sis and I decided to leave after confirming again with the shopkeepers abt the bla bla bla…that if they found the keys the should contact me. So we left…..
I was still so scared. How could I screw up such a small matter? What is wrong with me? Simple thing and I cant handle. I was irresponsible. Resigned, we were about to climb the stairs back home when suddenly my sis spotted a bunch of 3 keys on the lift landing, in one corner. I felt a flush of shame, humiliation…and relief. I called Gene…and then Zhisheng. Thank god. So I went back to the shop and apologized profusely for being such an asshole. I truly truly am.
Reflecting on this incident has thought me a lot. It made me realize how weak a person I am. How I behave under stressful situation. I melt down. Imagine, this is such a small issue and I blew it up. I lost my composure, humiliated myself. I feel like just burying my head in sand or walk around with a paperbag on my head. Shame on me. I am not as strong as I always thought myself to be. Damn.
I feel incredibly stupid right now. God, where do I start? Everything seems so surreal now. I’m just feeling overwhelmed with all that’s happened…..
I went down to Photostat my SEA presentation stuff on transparencies and to make a duplicate set of keys to the SWAPS cupboard. I had to get it done by Friday. I suppose I decided to do it today cos I wanted to show the others that I’m pretty efficient. Oh man, it turn out quite contrary. The impression of me after that event would have remarkable changed.
So I went to the shop with the bunch of keys, gave it to the guy and left, heading to the photocopy shop. When I came back, the lady was still making the keys and I had ½ left before Gilmore Girls started. So when she was done, she gave me back the original set. That was when it all began….
I was dumbfounded, stupefied, f***king pissed cos the bunch of keys in my hand didn’t feel right. I remembered instinctively that there was like 2 or more keys… where were they? I panicked. Shit. Shit. Shit. I’m so screwed. I argued with the shop keepers. I didn’t care what passers-by thought of me. I wanted my keys back. They kept insisting that what they returned me was precisely what I had handed to them. I felt helpless.Defeated…and I did the unthinkable. I started to cry. Sob violently was more like it. And in between the gasps of air, I choked on my words and explained to them, “It’s not my keys…I need them back..I need them back”. I was so sure I gave them the whole bunch. I was so sure.
My mind raced. I couldn’t do anything..I had to think of something. I reached for my handphone and called Gene. Pick up Gene…pick up…I called Eugene next. No answer. And then I called Zhisheng. When I heard the click of an answer I felt relieved.. and then I burst out sobbing into the phone, explaining to Zhisheng, feeling utterly useless and incompetent. I was initially hesitant to call him cos I’ve always felt intimidated by him. I always felt useless in his presence. Like during the acad meetings. So it was odd speaking to him…but he was so nice about it. He even offered to come down to settle things….then I called my sister in the meantime..within moments she came down. By then, I had spoken to Gene and he assured me that there was another set of keys with the admin. My sis and I decided to leave after confirming again with the shopkeepers abt the bla bla bla…that if they found the keys the should contact me. So we left…..
I was still so scared. How could I screw up such a small matter? What is wrong with me? Simple thing and I cant handle. I was irresponsible. Resigned, we were about to climb the stairs back home when suddenly my sis spotted a bunch of 3 keys on the lift landing, in one corner. I felt a flush of shame, humiliation…and relief. I called Gene…and then Zhisheng. Thank god. So I went back to the shop and apologized profusely for being such an asshole. I truly truly am.
Reflecting on this incident has thought me a lot. It made me realize how weak a person I am. How I behave under stressful situation. I melt down. Imagine, this is such a small issue and I blew it up. I lost my composure, humiliated myself. I feel like just burying my head in sand or walk around with a paperbag on my head. Shame on me. I am not as strong as I always thought myself to be. Damn.
Saturday, October 09, 2004
Today, Sat, 9th Oct
I am in school. Yes, on a saturday. I am in school because I intend to mug, and I will. I told my parents I'll be back by eleven pm. I will finish my SEA research paper by this weekend. I will. I will. I will.
I have to.If I don't, I'll be in serious doo-doo cos I have practically no time. There are tests coming up...tests which i cannot afford to screw up.
I skipped econs lect yest. So effectively, i've skipped 3 lects this semester. Twice in a row for econs. So much about conscience. It's not about conscience anymore. It's about being pragmatic. Why bother sitting in an LT if nothing gets through my head? Time is precious in university. I stayed back in school till 9+ yest. Helped Justina do the noticeboard as well.
Speaking of being pragmatic, I want a boyfriend who can drive. What's the point of having a bf if he cant drive? I might as well just date the bus driver.Alright, maybe if he cant drive, at least let him have a car so I can drive it! And he has to be smart so he can help me out in my work. I mean I don't need emotional support or whatever. In fact, why does anyone ever want to have a boyfriend? Had an interesting discussion about that yest with Justina as well.Oh well, i can't say anything cos Ive never been attached-thank god. Haha i'll prob be the most nightmarish gf on the face of the planet!
Was watching the BUSH-KERRY debates live from Washington University on CNA. Bush is full of crap. I hope Kerry wins. I shall not dive into the reasons why. Had you watched the debates, you'd agree too.
Alright, Ive gotta resume reading through piles of dusty books from "University of Singapore". Ancient, I tell you.
PS: i ate in the arts canteen all by myself today.Realised it's really not that bad eating alone!! I just chomped down my food and left! 15 mins only! Time saving. :) Im proud of myself!
I have to.If I don't, I'll be in serious doo-doo cos I have practically no time. There are tests coming up...tests which i cannot afford to screw up.
I skipped econs lect yest. So effectively, i've skipped 3 lects this semester. Twice in a row for econs. So much about conscience. It's not about conscience anymore. It's about being pragmatic. Why bother sitting in an LT if nothing gets through my head? Time is precious in university. I stayed back in school till 9+ yest. Helped Justina do the noticeboard as well.
Speaking of being pragmatic, I want a boyfriend who can drive. What's the point of having a bf if he cant drive? I might as well just date the bus driver.Alright, maybe if he cant drive, at least let him have a car so I can drive it! And he has to be smart so he can help me out in my work. I mean I don't need emotional support or whatever. In fact, why does anyone ever want to have a boyfriend? Had an interesting discussion about that yest with Justina as well.Oh well, i can't say anything cos Ive never been attached-thank god. Haha i'll prob be the most nightmarish gf on the face of the planet!
Was watching the BUSH-KERRY debates live from Washington University on CNA. Bush is full of crap. I hope Kerry wins. I shall not dive into the reasons why. Had you watched the debates, you'd agree too.
Alright, Ive gotta resume reading through piles of dusty books from "University of Singapore". Ancient, I tell you.
PS: i ate in the arts canteen all by myself today.Realised it's really not that bad eating alone!! I just chomped down my food and left! 15 mins only! Time saving. :) Im proud of myself!
OCTOBER 6th entry.
Major major bummer! I totally forgot about Adeline’s birthday on the 5th! To think I was msn-ing her that afternoon!!! Shucks. Sorry ade…for what its worth, Happy Belated 19th Birthday!!! I hope you received my sms though!
Why is it that people I know are ending up in the hospital? First Nenek and then I just heard that Shaun G. got warded for food poisoining. Nenek’s been discharged though. Apparently not much damage has been done to her besides 4 or 5 fractured ribs on her right side. Toilets are super dangerous for old people. Heck, it’s even dangerous to anyone! I remember slipping and falling after I came out of the shower on the first day of school last yr. I have yet to visit her but I shall wait for all the family politics to end.
I hate family politics. Why cant everyone just be open and honest and trust each other? God, whatever it is, I pray that if and when my siblings and I ever get married and move out, we’ll continue to be as tight as we are now.
Which reminds me, bulan puasa is fast approaching. Its next Friday to be precise. Which means, I’ll be fasting soon. The funny thing is, I quite like the idea. I’m beginning to think that lunch is a waste of time:
1) you look for people to eat with
2) you find people to eat with and then you people waste time deciding which canteen to eat
3) you wonder what to eat
4) upon deciding that you’ll have to queue up
5) then you eat and chat and eat and chat
6) then you go to the toilet and fill up your water bottle and
BAM! Break’s over.
So, I have convinced myself. I suppose I will spend my breaks in the comfort of the central lib with fellow ‘fasters’. And since the fasting month is about abstinence, I shall be abstaining not only from food and water, but from vulgarities, gossips, lusting (hahaha) etc etc. Farah will be a nice person with no snide comments about anything for one month, hopefully, that is. And hopefully that one month of cold turkey would do me some good. w HeE~
Oh ya speaking of nice,…Kenneth, you are such a nice dude!! Thanks for the MP3s man! Didn’t aspect you to get it done so fast! So efficient!!! Thanks again!! (wait a sec, are you even gonna read this thing?)
PS: Maybe setting up this blog was a bad idea. I think I’m spending too much time on my laptop, especially because I’m using it to post entries on this blog. This has become a bloody distraction and an outlet for further procrastination. So, STOP BLOGGING!!!
Moby’s EXTREME WAYS is a fabulous psych-up song.
Why is it that people I know are ending up in the hospital? First Nenek and then I just heard that Shaun G. got warded for food poisoining. Nenek’s been discharged though. Apparently not much damage has been done to her besides 4 or 5 fractured ribs on her right side. Toilets are super dangerous for old people. Heck, it’s even dangerous to anyone! I remember slipping and falling after I came out of the shower on the first day of school last yr. I have yet to visit her but I shall wait for all the family politics to end.
I hate family politics. Why cant everyone just be open and honest and trust each other? God, whatever it is, I pray that if and when my siblings and I ever get married and move out, we’ll continue to be as tight as we are now.
Which reminds me, bulan puasa is fast approaching. Its next Friday to be precise. Which means, I’ll be fasting soon. The funny thing is, I quite like the idea. I’m beginning to think that lunch is a waste of time:
1) you look for people to eat with
2) you find people to eat with and then you people waste time deciding which canteen to eat
3) you wonder what to eat
4) upon deciding that you’ll have to queue up
5) then you eat and chat and eat and chat
6) then you go to the toilet and fill up your water bottle and
BAM! Break’s over.
So, I have convinced myself. I suppose I will spend my breaks in the comfort of the central lib with fellow ‘fasters’. And since the fasting month is about abstinence, I shall be abstaining not only from food and water, but from vulgarities, gossips, lusting (hahaha) etc etc. Farah will be a nice person with no snide comments about anything for one month, hopefully, that is. And hopefully that one month of cold turkey would do me some good. w HeE~
Oh ya speaking of nice,…Kenneth, you are such a nice dude!! Thanks for the MP3s man! Didn’t aspect you to get it done so fast! So efficient!!! Thanks again!! (wait a sec, are you even gonna read this thing?)
PS: Maybe setting up this blog was a bad idea. I think I’m spending too much time on my laptop, especially because I’m using it to post entries on this blog. This has become a bloody distraction and an outlet for further procrastination. So, STOP BLOGGING!!!
Moby’s EXTREME WAYS is a fabulous psych-up song.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Blues and Black
I finally did it. I finally mustered the guts to endure the pain. I finally rubbed the blue blacks of my legs. Heh, I wonder who was the genius who thought of it. Its like 85% gone! Yay! You see, klutsy me slip and fell down the stairs near the transitlink/atm machine in school on Sat. Thank god no one was ard to witness it. Haha you should have seen the look on Pema’s face! She was so shocked and worried while I was laughing as I went down the steps! Stupid high heels. Never again!!! Maybe i shouldn't have worn a skirt today. I look abused!
Im in the library now, in my zone. Yup, Ive found my study space and NOBODY will steal it from me. It will henceforth be known as "FARAH's AREA" so keep clear!
Woke up this morn and realised Aba and Umi were not in bed. I thought it was rather weird. Then during psych lect break i got a missed call from Umi. Nenek broke her ribs after falling in the toilet. I hope she's okay. I cant visit her cos i have French from 6-8pm. Maybe I'll visit tmr instead.
Okay, I've got to stop blogging. Need to mug mug mug for french.
Bon apres midi!
Au revoir!!!
Im in the library now, in my zone. Yup, Ive found my study space and NOBODY will steal it from me. It will henceforth be known as "FARAH's AREA" so keep clear!
Woke up this morn and realised Aba and Umi were not in bed. I thought it was rather weird. Then during psych lect break i got a missed call from Umi. Nenek broke her ribs after falling in the toilet. I hope she's okay. I cant visit her cos i have French from 6-8pm. Maybe I'll visit tmr instead.
Okay, I've got to stop blogging. Need to mug mug mug for french.
Bon apres midi!
Au revoir!!!
Monday, October 04, 2004
crack
oh my gosh, oh my gosh. HE has a girlfriend! here i was thinking he's gay or smt. okay, i should feel nothing yet i feel...
hurt.
whatever la. whatever.
still. ouch.
of all the days to find out.
hurt.
whatever la. whatever.
still. ouch.
of all the days to find out.
MY first official post
Phew, finally I've managed to create a post! It seems that my PC at home has bad blogger connection. So that means that i can only blog from school. oh well, at least that means that my lap top would be put to good use.
Ive just had a meeting with my SEA grp. So far so good. We might me done by this weekend, in time for Monday's presentation. That means im only left with the research paper.
Alright, since this is officially my first post, might i just clarify with certain curious friends that i need not validate myself for setting up a blog? I like to express myself. Dont worry, I'll share what i want to. I have a seperate diary where damaging stuff will never surface on this blog. For one, I will not disclose names of ppl, especially if im defaming them. Besides, in my two yrs of keeping a real journal, I've often wished that certain opinions of mine gets aired in public such as my opinions on certain issues pertaining to say current affairs? This blog will therefore be my platform, my talking point, and it would a challenge as well. I mean lets see how far i can go on maintaining this! haha i might just abandon blog!
Oh dear, i just said i needn't validate myself and there i went!!!! Anyway, i hope that this blog could help me redeem myself. I know i act pretty flaky and substance-less in front of people. Sometimes I wonder why I do that. I suppose that makes me seem less intimidating and I like it that way. Flaky flaky flaky. But ppl laugh, and when in turn they feel comfortable. I wasn’t like that last time and I know some of you can attest to that. I was, once upon a time, intense. I still am around these select few ppl. I used to be the one with all the answers too. Now I just shrug them off unless i think that something ought to be corrected or smt. Some people love ‘educating’ me so i just wince in silence if they're wrong. Am i being selfish then? I mean if they think they're so smart, why ruin their happiness? God, im such a ppl pleaser. Heh, look, this blog thingy making me evaluate my self!!!
One more thing i insist on mentioning:Im not gonna make this blog all gloomy...some ppl tend to express such negativity on thier blogs...like its the end of the world!
LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL in every single way!!!!!!
Alright, that was a mega long entry. But it’s the first and hopefully not the last…..
PS: I FINISHED MY SEA MUSUEM REPORT AT 12.58 AM THIS MORNING!!!! WHEE~~~~
Ive just had a meeting with my SEA grp. So far so good. We might me done by this weekend, in time for Monday's presentation. That means im only left with the research paper.
Alright, since this is officially my first post, might i just clarify with certain curious friends that i need not validate myself for setting up a blog? I like to express myself. Dont worry, I'll share what i want to. I have a seperate diary where damaging stuff will never surface on this blog. For one, I will not disclose names of ppl, especially if im defaming them. Besides, in my two yrs of keeping a real journal, I've often wished that certain opinions of mine gets aired in public such as my opinions on certain issues pertaining to say current affairs? This blog will therefore be my platform, my talking point, and it would a challenge as well. I mean lets see how far i can go on maintaining this! haha i might just abandon blog!
Oh dear, i just said i needn't validate myself and there i went!!!! Anyway, i hope that this blog could help me redeem myself. I know i act pretty flaky and substance-less in front of people. Sometimes I wonder why I do that. I suppose that makes me seem less intimidating and I like it that way. Flaky flaky flaky. But ppl laugh, and when in turn they feel comfortable. I wasn’t like that last time and I know some of you can attest to that. I was, once upon a time, intense. I still am around these select few ppl. I used to be the one with all the answers too. Now I just shrug them off unless i think that something ought to be corrected or smt. Some people love ‘educating’ me so i just wince in silence if they're wrong. Am i being selfish then? I mean if they think they're so smart, why ruin their happiness? God, im such a ppl pleaser. Heh, look, this blog thingy making me evaluate my self!!!
One more thing i insist on mentioning:Im not gonna make this blog all gloomy...some ppl tend to express such negativity on thier blogs...like its the end of the world!
LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL in every single way!!!!!!
Alright, that was a mega long entry. But it’s the first and hopefully not the last…..
PS: I FINISHED MY SEA MUSUEM REPORT AT 12.58 AM THIS MORNING!!!! WHEE~~~~