Im home! Nothing beats waking up after the sun rises and just doing my work in bed :) Today the boss has allowed us to do work away from work. Most of us will be heading down to the libraries to do our research. I'm leaving at 11 :)

So Ive just finished blog surfing. It seems like a luxury for me to do so these days. I love blogs. You get an update on friends. Unfortunately, I notice not many people are blogging much these days. Some blogs removed. Others abandoned. Then there's friends with no blogs.

I feel a disconnect.

What are you guys up to? Drop me an email la :)

Then there's this one friend. Used to be a dear friend. Still is I think. I have no idea what's happened to him. Ever since he started uni it seems like he's forgotten all about us. Its so tiring asking him out time and again. Is uni life so darn bloody busy? So busy you cant even spare a dinner date with us? I mean she's leaving next month you know. She's tired of reaching out to you and quite frankly, Im tired too. That's why I left you that msn msg and logged out. Im too tired/ afraid of being disappointed with your ambiguous reply. Gawd. We havent had each other's company for nearly a year. Heck, I dont know if you'll even read this. If you do, you know who you are. Get back to me ok? Sigh. It'll mean so much to her.
I have a lump in my throat now.

END POST~9.44am

It seems like a super duper long week has finally come to an end. My entire physical being was at a low over the past few days. As mentioned in my previous post, I was suffering from a bout of food poisoning. I haven't vomitted since jc. I absolutely hate puking. Bullimics are crazy. Then the diarrhea and the im-so-weak-and-im-not-hungry-at-all phase.

And I'm only still recovering.

Thanks for the get-well soon wishes :)

And of course, not forgetting, my special someone. It was 2 years on the 8th ;) I had a splendid time.

END POST~9.09pm

Food poisoning.

END POST~7.40pm

"I would hope that people might view their fellow beings, all beings, with more empathy, more compassion, with a desire to understand. Even if they can't know why people are the way they are, to understand that they're probably that way for a good reason." -screenwriter and author of the book "What's Eating Gilbert Grape," Peter Hedges

I finally got myself down to watching it the movie. Now I understand why Leonardo di caprio got an Oscar nomination for it. And finally I get to see johnny depp looking like a normal person.

I think I probably lost at least 20mg of tears watching the show.
Sigh. I'm too soft.

END POST~6.59pm

So the honours class briefing was yesterday. Looking around Lt 10, I couldnt help but feel a sense of accomplishment, comfort and camaraderie with the people around me. Although I barely know 50-60% of them, I've seen them before, taken modules or even shared tutorials with them. Accomplishment because I've made it. Comfort because of familiarity. Camaraderie because in a way, all of us went through 6 semesters at the same time and we're all going to face the same uncertainty, the same stresses in the final 2 semesters to come.

Meeting up with friends I haven't seen since semester ended also made things sweeter in a way. Gosh, its rather scary to imagine that in a year's time we'd all be busy working (or finding work) that we may not get to spend as much time together. Already, with the internship and all, I hardly see my friends and they hardly see me. Its quite sad really. Is this what it'll be like in future? The occasional dinners? Which is understandable really. Bearing in mind the numerous commitments one would have to juggle. I mean, at least in school, you get to mix friends with work. But then after graduation, work is work. Unless you manage to click with your collegues the same way you click with friends you've made since sec, jc or uni. which may probably be unlikely unless you consider friendships as superficial acquaintances. Seriously, are collegues really friend material? Can you really bitch about your boss or another collegue without knowing if your work friend may backstab you in order to gain one up against you? I guess I'm of the opinion that once you leave school for sure, you stop making real friends altogether. What do you think? To explain, think of it this way. The people you meet/met in school practically grew up with you. They've seen you on crappy days and on good days, went through the same shit with you and worked and played with you. They've seen you on a day to day basis so they know that your behaviour one day may not reflect or do justice to who you really are on good days. Collegues may take years to know you properly unless circumstances allows you to really get to know each other by working together on a project or whatever. Then again, there will always be this brick wall stopping you from getting close to a collegue because people have ambitions at work. In school, competition is very very different.

Ah well, here I am rambling about office politics and the possibility of forming friendships at work when I havent even gone through work proper. T'was a hypothesis. Needs to be examined.

But gut feeling? I think I may find myself hanging with the same bunch of people if fate has it that I stay in contact with them. And on the bright side, there'll always be a bunch of people I know who will keep me company when I need it. People at home :)

Anyway, super long post ah? Im not done yet. :) Guess what N and I did today? We were so lazy to do anything that involves walking around. Plus I wasn't in the mood to be in crowded places. Incidentally, malls and mrt's are getting more and more packed, with the school holidays and the GSS. So we decided to take buses we've never taken before and see where we end up. First, we took 72 from tamp interchange. The bus goes up to hougang interchange, ang mo kio and finally yio chu kang. The entire journey took only 45 mins! Quite scenic along tamp road and then tpe. Then we hoped onto 76 from yio chu kang, which then went pass ang mo kio, payar lebar and then siglap before looping back. That alone took 45 mins.Finally, we alighted and took 31 all the way back to tamp (which again took 45 mins).

Okay. Im done posting. I was thinking of something smart to say before I close this post but nothing comes to mind. ok. Im done.

END POST~10.29pm

Starsky and hutch's darn funny. "Do it". Hahahahhahahaha.

Work's work and we are starting to feel the heat. Interviews, meetings, datelines, testing, readings, la di da di das..

Results are out and ALHAMDULILLAH :) (Heh, first time I checked using the sms system and I quite like it!)

Maybe we're also feeling the heat cos of the results and the emails sent by the psych dept almost immedietly after, sending us into a frenzy to chope supervisors and start sending proposal and the ethics form before school begins ON TOP of work datelines.

Doesnt help that why's starting to breathe down my neck. But hey, I love that guy. Aced both his modules. :)Its in the stars man. He's meant to be my sup. I sound stalker-ish. And for the record, i may have skirmishes with him in future so im going to bite my tongue abt what i just said. Just in case.

Anyhoos, watched pirates with my whole family in conjuction with my sis's birthday. The 6 of us havent watched a movie together since Terminator 2 so you can imagine how delighted i was.

Upcoming movies Im looking forward to: Shrek 3, fantastic 4, simpsons the movie, transformers..what else ah? Cant quite remember.

Sale's on. GSS!

Anyway, its games day tmr and our dept's having a dodgeball competition. Interns vs staff. :) Which reminds me, i need to pack my stuff. Oh bother. What shall I wear tmr? hmm.

PS: karina, there's been a re-shuffle so i wont be seeing you at PCC on the 7th anymore :( but lets meet up after work ya? I end at 6 too :) Oh wait! You signed up for the same visit as moi so I guess i'll be seeing you on the 29th!

END POST~9.36pm

I'm always too tired to do anything when I reach home after work. Weekdays are pretty standard.

-wake up 6am
-leave 6.50
-reach at 7.30 (my bro gives me a lift)
-loiter till ard 8.15
-enter office at 8.30
-work
-lunch 12.30
-work
-leave office at 6pm
-meet najib for dinner
-reach home 8.30-9 (or if I dont meet him, i'll reach home by 7.15)
-plonk onto sofa
-maybe check emails
-shower
-pray
-sleep by 10-10.30

And the cycle continues. No tv. No time to read the papers. And I never seem to be able to finish any readings at home! The drudgery of the routine. Luckily, I quite like the working environment Im in. Interns are treated really really well. Nothing of the sort that Ive heard ppl saying how interns are pushed around. The other interns are great as well. And we keep eating and laughing a lot! Haha, parvin is seriously one heck of a funny person. Then there's hoiting, whom (I just found out) is melinda's former 2c classmate :). There's other nus psych ppl like willie, haikal, yeeman while grace is from queen's uni.

So the seven of us share this cosy little room with a round table and heh, we have 'bonding sessions' in which we play silly games like 'hangman' or 'uno' and 'heart attack' when the other psychs are in a meeting so to perk us up esp after lunch when we all feel sleepy. :) But of course, we also do work la. TONNES of research to be done man.

And Novena has changed A LOT since I worked at Iras. There's so many shops now that we cant decide where to have lunch most of the time.

Well, Im getting a bit more settled with working life.

I'm so darn blessed to get this intern opp. Opened my eyes a whole lot!

Anyway, the next time I blog will be the result aftermath. Insya-allah I did well enough to maintain my cap. I wasn't in peak form cos of some things at home and yeah. Sighs. But if its meant to be, its meant to be.

Ooh, hanging out the whole day with farhana today! We're going to watch Priceless starring Audrey Tatou :)

END POST~10.58am

I HATE charles and keith shoes. No thanks to the stupid material they used to make the shoes I wore today (but sigh,they look so good and rrrr..). Anyway, it cut into my skin leaving 9 freaking blisters. As I could hardly walk downhill (the building is on a hill(!)) for lunch, I bought myself another pair of shoes. My sis wont be pleased. She reluctantlt bought the cursed CK ones for me despite warning me about what would happen and it happened so now I can imagine her smiling with glee, rolling her eyes and saying "I told you so". Urgh.

Other than that misfortune, my nose was stuffed the whole day and if not for the half nostril of space for air to pass through, I wont be typing this right now.

I had a great first day nevertheless :) Im very excited of whats to come in the following weeks! :)

Wheee~

END POST~10.25pm

Chopped my locks a little and now it looks alive :) yay I feel happy. And the fringe thing? I have one now but strangely, it doesnt look as if I do.

Went to the dentist this morning after 5 long years :D (slides tongue over teeth...ahhh)

So I've settled two of the many things Im supposed to do over the vacation. Actually, I tried shopping but I gave up after trying a few tops. Then the bag. I havent found the one yet. Everything's either too big or small, too casual or too formal. And although I want a black one, the dark brown ones look lovelier yet they wont match black shoes. So till Ive found the perfect bag, I shant buy any.

My plan for today? Im going to slack at home. I haven't done that since exams ended. Besides, I need to recover before tomorrow when I begin life as an intern :) I want to be all ready to boot lick, suck up, apple polish, do more work than Im supposed to do, and be so super freaking 'on' that they'll never forget me (in a good way of course) and that they'd hire me when I grad.

Im quite excited to see my friends in formal wear too. I was looking at the email addresses and I recognised several names! So exciting. I wonder which dept/div they're posted to.

Meanwhile, my dear white blood cells, please get to work and engulf the darn virus. Come on B cells, what are you waiting for. Eat em up and kill em.

END POST~1.14pm

Yikes. My appointment at the hairdresser is in about 2 hours time and I have no idea what to do with the lump of thing on my head. I haven't had hair this long in ages. I think I havent cut my hair in over a year! So that means I have more options to do something with it. I know for sure that I cant carry off short hair. I'd look fine from the front but from the side? My chin's pointy so yeah. Witchy. Keep the long hair? Heavy and not easy to manage so i'd end up tying it like always. Bangs or no? My forehead isnt big so would I look funny with it..would i? The last time I had a fringe (pri5/6), it ended up being a bush plastered to my forehead.

Cutting hair is so stressful. Then again, Cheryl seems to find it therepeutic. But thats cos her hair is probably easy to cut/style/manage.

Ah well, if all fails, I'll just tie it up,wear a hat or smt.

Heard sad news from a friend..take care ya? HUG!

END POST~9.24am

The things I do for a piece of paper that I can attach to my resume.

I signed up for a Mental Health First Aid seminar. Hence Im here in school right now, typing this in the central lib during my lunch break cos I have no mood/appetite. Let me explain.

1) The MHFA is one of the most boring seminar ive ever been to. (see point 2 for 'on the other hand'). Ive covered the material during abnormal psych so I must say, Im rather disappointed. I suppose the 5 steps to assessing a situation and the action required is the only new stuff Ive learnt and even that can be covered in 3 hours max. Why must they drag the darn thing over 2 days? Oh I can rant even more about the course but whatever. In a few hours, I'll be certified as a mental health first aider.

2) Ok, so maybe it wasnt as boring (apparently everyone else seems engaged) but I am sick. No appetite. Irritable. Isolated. Quiet. Inattentive. Bitchy. That's me, when Im not well. Came down with a fever last night after watching Spiderman3 (worth 7 bucks..but there was this stupid woman in front who was chatting on her hp...i kicked her chair {what? I said i was irritable} but she still went on). Luckily the surround sound muffled her.
Then, I went home, feeling like crap on a crappy day, bundled myself in bed and wonder why the heck I paid $13.50 for a piece of paper.

AND because I paid the $13.50, I dragged myself all the way to school this morning so that I'd get that cert because if I dont come on both days, I wont get the darn thing and it'd be such a waste of money right?

But anyway, thank God lah. Im actually feeling much better today than yesterday :)

Hey, does anyone else get headaches when theyre put in a room with poor ventilation and are forced to inhale whiteboard marker fumes?

Darn. 20 mins before the seminar starts.

Aside: I need a bag.

Which reminds me...Where are my birthday presents ah? I know i know, im despicable and tak tahu malu (shameless) but Ive been waiting for people to get me stuff I need so I wont have to buy them myself (what? Id rather have things I need than things i dont right?) but I think I have been holding out for too long without them. Know what? Its high time I get them myself la. Ah well :) This means retail therapy for moi.

END POST~12.48pm

Dear GEK1527,

Im going to sit for you this Friday, 2.30pm. I'm not asking you to be easy on me. It doesn't matter because I am going to ace you either way, easy or not. Yes, I will. You just wait. I'm desperate you see. You have no idea how desperate I am. Besides, God will help me :) (I hope)

Anyway, till Friday. Heh, if all fails, there's always the normal distribution..and if I have to rely on that, I hope the paper will be darn hard. So everyone dies together.

And then I can say what Ive been saying since jc: 'I believe in the power of moderation' :)

Oh, I need that A. Insya-Allah.

END POST~8.47pm

Wah. 3 down, 1 more to go.

This week has been so long and Im glad its finally the weekend. My gosh, you cannot imagine the roller coaster Ive been going through. Im too lazy to type. Besides, I read that catharsis isnt that good.. particularly ruminating.

So instead of lamenting, Im going to CELEBRATE my surviving this week by doing NOTHING :) :) :)

Then I'll be refreshed and ready to go for my final paper MCQ (muahaha) this friday, 4th May :)

To all those with exams, press on. To those who have ended, good for you! And to those who have finished their last paper as an undergrad, CONGRATS! :)

Happy happy day!

PS: My nudgie got a scholarship. So so SOOOOOO proud of youuuuuu....heeeeeee....Alhamdulillah :)

END POST~7.25pm

Who are they kidding? Why do they insist that the accessibility to firearms is not the reason behind what happened? This one pro-arms fellow claimed that if the guy had the intention to kill, he would have anyway so people shouldnt pin the blame on the current law protecting the rights of people to bear guns.

Oh please, how can you shirk responsibility for what happened? Put it this way. I want to eat chocolate. If there's chocolate beside me and within easy reach of course I'll wolf it down. If I have to walk to the mama shop to get it, I'd be less likely to get it as it requires effort.

Ok. Bad analogy but you get the picture. One way or another the gun laws over there were at least a partly responsible catalyst to the disaster! Ban them I say! Why do you need them anyway?

Aside: Why has my PID report not been marked yet? This is so frustrating.

Aside aside: How I wish I have more days to mug. Not enough time. My fault entirely, though. I have bad time management. sigh.

END POST~11.37am

4 hours, 1 packet of sugar coated peanuts and a 95% eaten pack of Lakerol and Ive only covered 18 pages? This is outrageous!

Why cant I seem to focus? Gosh. There's so much stuff I have to cover and I realise that if I bloody want to get As, Ive got to do something and NOW!

Im grounding myself as of tmr. NO MORE OUTINGS for me. So sorry 02a53, guess I wont be joining you this sat after all.

Ive got to head on down for i/o tutorial now.

END POST~3.40pm

Now that the flurry of deadlines is over, I'm left with my last RVI test and 4 exam papers. This may be rather premature to say but I dont seem to be particularly stressed about the finals. I dont see it as the ultimate end. In fact, I'm hoping to just get them over and done with, of course with maximum effort, so that I can focus on the more important aspect of my undergraduate career-honours thesis.

I had a meeting with him today to discuss the possibility of a myriad of research questions. Its absolutely amazing how the guy can think of original and thorougly thought ideas. Then again, thats why he's a psych lect right? (sigh) I wonder if I'll ever be like that one day. To be able to come up with something brilliant. But for now, Im somewhat interested in one of his ideas. I will most likely develop something within the parameters of his suggestion. He's aiming for publication. Publication! All Im expecting out of this whole thesis exercise is experience and the knowledge that Ive done something tangible that I can be proud of before I leave nus-to have something published and placed in the central library. But to tinkle with the idea of publication in a psych journal as an undergrad? Phew! That would be incredible, wouldnt it? So what if he gains first authorship? At this junction in my (prospective) psych career, I wouldnt mind not being the lead investigator. I wilfully admit that Im in no position to do so anyway because Im still raw. That said, I have to work fast and come up with a rough draft lest another person 'chopes' this idea. Still, I am terrified at the looming workload after the discussion. Overwhelming. I have to consider the fact that I have 7 other modules to take within the year as well.

Looks like I'll have to drop my tuition kids. Any takers? Sec 2 and sec 3 maths. They're siblings living in tampines so you can teach them both for 4 hours straight over the weekend. I'm hoping to stop by this June so I am looking for someone who can take over and follow through to the next year. If you know anyone interested, please let me know as soon as possible ya?

I also went for the free health checkup today. I hate peeing in a cup. Although oddly, I enjoyed looking at how fast the cup fills. I never knew that one can pee so much.

Also, I finally spent the bulk of today at the table. Havent mingled there in a while and I really am happy that I did that. It was lovely seeing Linyen, Eugene, Chris, Nabil, Shaun O and the 'younger' ones. I must say, the guys are damn funny. I think they've gotten funnier. The exchange between them-simply hilarious. I havent laughed that much in quite some time. So witty yet lame at the same time :) Can always count on the table peeps to perk your day (give you advise, stone with you, talk with you, help you with work and more...) :)

And to my friend who's going through a tough time now...hang in there man. Things will look up! So smile, ya? :)

Aside: I hope the arts canteen is done by next sem. I want routine back. I dont want to have to think of where and what to eat anymore. Bah.

END POST~2.02am

So freaking boring. gargh.

I keep falling asleep while studying for issues in dev. Such a hot, sleepy day.

I tried sitting at my table to study but then my back, shoulder and neck started aching. I tried lying down and found out (not surprisingly) that i had successfully read only 1 page before concussing.

I want caffeine. But Im sick of coffee, tea and redbull. Coke does not work at all even though a few friends have suggested that.
Munching on food is getting mundane.
Music distracts.

How like that?

END POST~2.05pm

I cannot tahan when someone comments that I've put on weight. Especially when they say it with such wide-eyed disbelief like it's some contagious disease I have.

I KNOW ALREADY!

Im not bloody oblivious to the fact that I cant fit into some of my clothes. Or that my eyes are disappearing when I smile and my cheeks engulf them.

BUT Im doing something about it alright? And even though Im fatter, Im still fitter than a lot of those skinny people I know ok?

Sheesh.

I mean really, don't relatives have anything ELSE to talk about? Or is it because we meet once a year, so they have nothing to talk about, therefore heuristically, the only salient thing that comes to mind is appearance (here being my weight).

Bah. Cant you even say it with tact? My aunt went "WAH. Farah, youre SOO fat! what happened? you better be careful or else you become as fat as (insert cousin's name) who's SO fat now."

How would anyone react to such a thing? I merely retorted 'stress la'.
Then some kaypoh woman across the bed from my grandma's (nenek got hospitalised this morning for observation) said "Yah, these days, young people when stress eat so much". Erm, who are you again?

.......

I wanted to scream. But my poor grandma. I love my grandma too much to roll my eyes at that aunt in front of her. So as hurt as I was, I smiled. My purpose was to visit her, not the others.
Then I left the ward. I guess I'll go back when no one's there.

END POST~3.44pm

I LOVE WEEKENDS!!

Saturday is my favourite day of the week. I can wake up late, roll around in bed, do a little work here and there and simply relax, knowing that if all fails, I still have Sunday to catch up on work :)

After a rejuvenating 12 hour sleep, my mind is as fresh as a newly opened bag of potato crisps.

Im ready to munch again.

END POST~5.19pm

Wah. People are still online at this time? Just goes to show how everyone is busy with assignments and stuff.

I'm not going to sleep for yet another night. I just finished my personality report. In record time I might add.

Now, I have less than 13 hours to finish, print and go to school to hand in my essay. Why cant lecturers make full use of the internet and allow online submission? Then I wont have to go all the way to school! Plus I'll have more time. Roar.

Alrighty. I shall take a 15 minute break before plunging back into work.

END POST~3.11am