Dear GEK1527,

Im going to sit for you this Friday, 2.30pm. I'm not asking you to be easy on me. It doesn't matter because I am going to ace you either way, easy or not. Yes, I will. You just wait. I'm desperate you see. You have no idea how desperate I am. Besides, God will help me :) (I hope)

Anyway, till Friday. Heh, if all fails, there's always the normal distribution..and if I have to rely on that, I hope the paper will be darn hard. So everyone dies together.

And then I can say what Ive been saying since jc: 'I believe in the power of moderation' :)

Oh, I need that A. Insya-Allah.

END POST~8.47pm

Wah. 3 down, 1 more to go.

This week has been so long and Im glad its finally the weekend. My gosh, you cannot imagine the roller coaster Ive been going through. Im too lazy to type. Besides, I read that catharsis isnt that good.. particularly ruminating.

So instead of lamenting, Im going to CELEBRATE my surviving this week by doing NOTHING :) :) :)

Then I'll be refreshed and ready to go for my final paper MCQ (muahaha) this friday, 4th May :)

To all those with exams, press on. To those who have ended, good for you! And to those who have finished their last paper as an undergrad, CONGRATS! :)

Happy happy day!

PS: My nudgie got a scholarship. So so SOOOOOO proud of youuuuuu....heeeeeee....Alhamdulillah :)

END POST~7.25pm

Who are they kidding? Why do they insist that the accessibility to firearms is not the reason behind what happened? This one pro-arms fellow claimed that if the guy had the intention to kill, he would have anyway so people shouldnt pin the blame on the current law protecting the rights of people to bear guns.

Oh please, how can you shirk responsibility for what happened? Put it this way. I want to eat chocolate. If there's chocolate beside me and within easy reach of course I'll wolf it down. If I have to walk to the mama shop to get it, I'd be less likely to get it as it requires effort.

Ok. Bad analogy but you get the picture. One way or another the gun laws over there were at least a partly responsible catalyst to the disaster! Ban them I say! Why do you need them anyway?

Aside: Why has my PID report not been marked yet? This is so frustrating.

Aside aside: How I wish I have more days to mug. Not enough time. My fault entirely, though. I have bad time management. sigh.

END POST~11.37am

4 hours, 1 packet of sugar coated peanuts and a 95% eaten pack of Lakerol and Ive only covered 18 pages? This is outrageous!

Why cant I seem to focus? Gosh. There's so much stuff I have to cover and I realise that if I bloody want to get As, Ive got to do something and NOW!

Im grounding myself as of tmr. NO MORE OUTINGS for me. So sorry 02a53, guess I wont be joining you this sat after all.

Ive got to head on down for i/o tutorial now.

END POST~3.40pm

Now that the flurry of deadlines is over, I'm left with my last RVI test and 4 exam papers. This may be rather premature to say but I dont seem to be particularly stressed about the finals. I dont see it as the ultimate end. In fact, I'm hoping to just get them over and done with, of course with maximum effort, so that I can focus on the more important aspect of my undergraduate career-honours thesis.

I had a meeting with him today to discuss the possibility of a myriad of research questions. Its absolutely amazing how the guy can think of original and thorougly thought ideas. Then again, thats why he's a psych lect right? (sigh) I wonder if I'll ever be like that one day. To be able to come up with something brilliant. But for now, Im somewhat interested in one of his ideas. I will most likely develop something within the parameters of his suggestion. He's aiming for publication. Publication! All Im expecting out of this whole thesis exercise is experience and the knowledge that Ive done something tangible that I can be proud of before I leave nus-to have something published and placed in the central library. But to tinkle with the idea of publication in a psych journal as an undergrad? Phew! That would be incredible, wouldnt it? So what if he gains first authorship? At this junction in my (prospective) psych career, I wouldnt mind not being the lead investigator. I wilfully admit that Im in no position to do so anyway because Im still raw. That said, I have to work fast and come up with a rough draft lest another person 'chopes' this idea. Still, I am terrified at the looming workload after the discussion. Overwhelming. I have to consider the fact that I have 7 other modules to take within the year as well.

Looks like I'll have to drop my tuition kids. Any takers? Sec 2 and sec 3 maths. They're siblings living in tampines so you can teach them both for 4 hours straight over the weekend. I'm hoping to stop by this June so I am looking for someone who can take over and follow through to the next year. If you know anyone interested, please let me know as soon as possible ya?

I also went for the free health checkup today. I hate peeing in a cup. Although oddly, I enjoyed looking at how fast the cup fills. I never knew that one can pee so much.

Also, I finally spent the bulk of today at the table. Havent mingled there in a while and I really am happy that I did that. It was lovely seeing Linyen, Eugene, Chris, Nabil, Shaun O and the 'younger' ones. I must say, the guys are damn funny. I think they've gotten funnier. The exchange between them-simply hilarious. I havent laughed that much in quite some time. So witty yet lame at the same time :) Can always count on the table peeps to perk your day (give you advise, stone with you, talk with you, help you with work and more...) :)

And to my friend who's going through a tough time now...hang in there man. Things will look up! So smile, ya? :)

Aside: I hope the arts canteen is done by next sem. I want routine back. I dont want to have to think of where and what to eat anymore. Bah.

END POST~2.02am

So freaking boring. gargh.

I keep falling asleep while studying for issues in dev. Such a hot, sleepy day.

I tried sitting at my table to study but then my back, shoulder and neck started aching. I tried lying down and found out (not surprisingly) that i had successfully read only 1 page before concussing.

I want caffeine. But Im sick of coffee, tea and redbull. Coke does not work at all even though a few friends have suggested that.
Munching on food is getting mundane.
Music distracts.

How like that?

END POST~2.05pm

I cannot tahan when someone comments that I've put on weight. Especially when they say it with such wide-eyed disbelief like it's some contagious disease I have.

I KNOW ALREADY!

Im not bloody oblivious to the fact that I cant fit into some of my clothes. Or that my eyes are disappearing when I smile and my cheeks engulf them.

BUT Im doing something about it alright? And even though Im fatter, Im still fitter than a lot of those skinny people I know ok?

Sheesh.

I mean really, don't relatives have anything ELSE to talk about? Or is it because we meet once a year, so they have nothing to talk about, therefore heuristically, the only salient thing that comes to mind is appearance (here being my weight).

Bah. Cant you even say it with tact? My aunt went "WAH. Farah, youre SOO fat! what happened? you better be careful or else you become as fat as (insert cousin's name) who's SO fat now."

How would anyone react to such a thing? I merely retorted 'stress la'.
Then some kaypoh woman across the bed from my grandma's (nenek got hospitalised this morning for observation) said "Yah, these days, young people when stress eat so much". Erm, who are you again?

.......

I wanted to scream. But my poor grandma. I love my grandma too much to roll my eyes at that aunt in front of her. So as hurt as I was, I smiled. My purpose was to visit her, not the others.
Then I left the ward. I guess I'll go back when no one's there.

END POST~3.44pm

I LOVE WEEKENDS!!

Saturday is my favourite day of the week. I can wake up late, roll around in bed, do a little work here and there and simply relax, knowing that if all fails, I still have Sunday to catch up on work :)

After a rejuvenating 12 hour sleep, my mind is as fresh as a newly opened bag of potato crisps.

Im ready to munch again.

END POST~5.19pm

Wah. People are still online at this time? Just goes to show how everyone is busy with assignments and stuff.

I'm not going to sleep for yet another night. I just finished my personality report. In record time I might add.

Now, I have less than 13 hours to finish, print and go to school to hand in my essay. Why cant lecturers make full use of the internet and allow online submission? Then I wont have to go all the way to school! Plus I'll have more time. Roar.

Alrighty. I shall take a 15 minute break before plunging back into work.

END POST~3.11am

Oh my god.

Remind me to NEVER EVER simultaneously drink coffee and Redbull. I feel awful right now. Its as if there's an invisible hand strangling me.

I may hurl soon.

Gosh.

And oh man, im only into my 525th word of my 2000 word essay and I am stuck. STUCK.

Blah. I wont be sleeping till I at least finish a rough draft.

Which means I'll be zombified for tomorrow morning's issues in dev presentation.
Guess I'll be skipping I/o psych yet again.

END POST~1.47am

"Well since my baby left me (jeng jeng), bla bla bla bla blabla bla (jeng jeng) bla bla bla bla blab lablabl..heartbreak hotel...I feel so lonely..i feel so lonely, i could die.."

No idea why Elvis is in my head. Earworm begone!

Its 1.30am and I am awake. I am actually glad for this sudden bout of insomnia. I need all the time I can get.

I have a 60% essay AND a 35% report due THIS FRIDAY which thus amounts to 95% of a module. So dont be surprise if I ignore or scream at you anytime soon. I swear my patience is at an all time low.

Aside: Thank you to all those ppl who bothered to remember my birthday. I'm actually pretty big on the whole birthday thing so I get all excited and over the moon when I get a birthday msg. I feel so loved :) Yay :)
To those who forgot or cant be bothered (mutter mutter mutter..shake fist at you!)

Shout out to my baby. I love you so much :) Only you can tahan the crap I put you through eh?

END POST~1.37am

Its mind boggling why sanjaya is STILL in the running. I confess, I am an AI fan. But what's wrong with that? Some people are just anti-mainstream tv for the sake of being anti. What only. Then again, some people think they're so atas that they dont even watch tv.

Now that was a classic example of random angst.

Im suddenly in an angst kinda mood. so BUGGER OFF PEOPLE.

hee. i like typing that :) BUGGER OFF.

what a cute phrase. Imagine one buggering off.

La la la.

Datelines deadlines. Which should it be by right? date or dead?

achy neck. pms. no mood to type in coherent eng. whatever laaaaaaaaaaa. as long as i can codeswitch and ppl can understand me, then thats enough. sheesh.

I think i suffer from the spotlight effect. I swear sometimes i feel like people are observing me, judging me and waiting for me to slip and fall so they can feel good about themselves.
Does this make me neurotic? I should think so. Add that to paranoid and overly self conscious.

I blame the mid-semester rush for this post.

END POST~11.52pm

You cannot control the tragic things that happen farah.
But you can control the way you face up to them.

tragic=you procrastinate
tragic=you have tonnes of datelines
tragic=time flies

repeat...you can control the way you face up to them.....

Ooommmmmmm........

Aside: bishop or why?

Aside aside: since ive somewhat decided that I shall be taking the long and arduos journey to becoming a psychologist, i better pull my socks up and maintain this second upper because without a 2nd upper, i cant get into graduate school dammit. and without masters, i cant bloody be a psychologist.

OMMMMMMMMMMMMM..........

MUG MUG MUG!

END POST~4.30pm

My head is spinning.

OH MY GOSH!!!!! (x 3)

Excited, ecstatic, overwhelmed, blessed...woooohoooooo!!!!!!

First a job offer, now an intership I never expected to be selected for considering that only 1 vacancy was available...

I love love LOVE my life.

Things are looking up. Doors are opening up for me.

Alhamdulillah...

But now the toughest part...choosing..making a decision..which field should I choose? If I take the job, my future upon graduation is certain.
If I follow the job scope of the internship, my future would not be as certain but the challenges are exciting.
Its really difficult to choose because both fields are completely different. One is relational, the other, research/methodologically based.

God guide me.

END POST~5.30pm

My life has pretty much routine over the past few weeks. Which probably explains the lack of posts on this blog.

Other than the fact that Ive pretty much come up with a list of things I want for my 22nd, and that I can strike out one of the items since its already sitting pretty on the chair across from me (:D), I have nothing else to say.

Oh wait, other than the other fact that theres this someone chatting with me on msn. I have no idea who the heck he is, how the heck he added me when I never added him. Let's see now, DELETE and BLOCK. That would do the trick. Done.

(looks like Ive suddenly got plenty to say)

Finally a week without pressing datelines. I guess I should start on my 60% RVI essay. Ive yet to pick a question so I guess I'll research on all of them by today to help me decide.

But first, I shall watch Ugly Betty. My mom taped it for me because I was too sleepy to saty up. The time slot is crazy. I mean sundays at 1030 for a show thats not even PG? Why can't they show it at a more convenient timing like prime time? Dont they know people have classes/work the next day?

My wisdom tooth is growing and the tip of the tooth keeps brushing against my cheek that it hurts.

My throat hurts.

Now my head hurts.

Ooh, I went to watch a dance performance by Dance Synergy. I think I finally understand contemporary dance. There's a story to all the prancing about on stage! :)

Genes and soc test was tricky.

My RVI tutor is hot and darn smart la. Swoon.
But I love my nudgie :) Yes, even more than Wentworth.

(Ok,now ive run out of things to say)

Happy a53 day!

END POST~1.21pm

I wish I had paid more attention during EL1101. Morphemes, Phonemes, Morphology, Phonetics, Phonology, Semantics, Pragmatics, Auxillaries, Modifiers, Articles, Lexical et cetera. I finally gained some insight into what these mean.

Thank you to my friends majoring in English. I salut you for having such passion and 'acquired taste' for the technicalities and complexities of the English language.

On that note, I realise that I have been shortchanging myself when it comes to expressing my thoughts verbally. I realise that I have a limited vocabulary which results in my having to use words which are either inappropriate or nonsensical.

Amazing how a 2 hour lecture on language development and subsequently a 2 hour art history/appreciation lecture makes me reflect on how I need to improve myself and how much I am missing out on in terms of using the right words to describe how I feel or how things are.

Aside: People who think psychologists or the study of psychology predominantly deals with Freudian theories (one of which is the ever famous black couch scene aka free association) or hand-holding counselling sessions should hit themselves. Hard.

END POST~1.11am

Have you ever roused from a mid-afternoon nap to a peculiar sensation of calm and confusion? When you feel completely serene, your senses seem sharper yet numb, as you look at the clock, look out the window, walk around the house and realize nobody’s home? Solitude then creeps inside and you feel vulnerable. You are not even consciously conscious and yet somehow you are because how can you think otherwise. Then slowly, the bubble surrounding you ebbs away, your sense of balance, hearing, sight, smell and touch unites and is restored, your mind/consciousness reels from the surroundings and back into your body. Then everything is normal.

And you type as much as you can about the transient experience you went through, hoping your command of language is adequate enough to capture/describe the strange event.

Ahh.. Afternoon naps.

END POST~4.23pm

Computers positively hate me.

END POST~12.18pm

Frustrated

Irritated

Feeling blah

All and more for no known reason.

Mood swing?

END POST~12am

I was just about to say that people I know haven't been blogging much lately till I saw Yx's blog. Its amazing how she can remember so many details of a day out and blog about it. And I really enjoy reading about them.

So yesterday was my first two tests for the semester. Ok la. I/o was do-able. Unfortunately there's negative marking so I'll just have to wait and see how it goes. The RVI test was over too soon. As in, he flashed the art work for only a few minutes and we had to hastily write our thoughts before the next work is flashed. Stressful man..especially since I have to memorise the title, date, and artist of the paintings/sculptures. Doesnt help that chinese landscape paintings have superbly long names like Li Cheng's 'Scholar walking on mountain path in early spring' or Ma Yan's "Viewing plum blossoms by moonlight" and bla bla bla. And the hardest painting to intepret, Tao Chi's "Man in a house beneath a cliff" came out. Like what the? All I could talk about was the erratic brush strokes and man's desire to be completely engulfed by nature. How brilliant and intepretation is that?! SIGH.

Anyway, as soon as the long day was over (I end wednesdays at 9), I felt as if the world was off of my shoulders.

Also, I think I may have thought of a potential research question for my would-be-if-i-do-well-enough-this-sem thesis.

Yay. Happy day.

END POST~11.40pm