Healthy progress

Its mid mid-sem break and I think Im more productive this mid-sem break than previous sems. Or so I hope. But im satisfied so far.

Progressing steadily in my lab in applied psych project. Which is great. I think i have fantastic group members :) So at least Im glad that this 70% project will be in good hands.

I have finished reading all the chaps covered so far for gen bio. Yes, gloat gloat gloat. But im proud of myself. And know what? The Krebs cycle isnt so hard what. Its understandable. So why do all those post A level bio peeps keep giving me the creeps by shuderring when I mention it? Its quite interesting too. Sigh. Hope im not being to cocky though. Reading and understanding is one thing. Doing well is another. I have a nagging suspicion that the finals' MCQs are gonna be way tricky. Still, i'll be ready and no way am i gonna S/U this mod :)

Been reading arabic too and alhamdulillah, i think i am improving :)

Ok, so im still deciding which topic to do for my eva acad arg mod's position paper. Should I write on 'entrapment' or 'legalising prostitution'?

Then, theres the fact that Ive totally neglected bio psych and adol psych. Im struggling with the former btw. Hopefully not for long.

Oh gosh. I dont think im that satisfied with my mid-sem break after all. ARGH.

Another 4 days to go...(but then i'll be working on my lab report...)

BLIMEY.

breathe farah breathe..

Stuff to do

BY this week:-

1) Gen bio lab assignment 3
2) Lab in health report 2
3) Gem 1008 critique
4) Gem 1008 position paper research
5) Lab in health project research

a little 'off time'

I cant exactly remember what i was dreaming about in my sleep but i vaguely remember heading to the swimming pool in one segment of it while in another segment of my dream I was speaking French (really badly, i must add) to some people. And in another segment someone was after us? 'Us' who? I have no idea.

Ive been sleeping too much. I cant seem to get myself out of bed. Take today for instance. I woke up at 5am to sahur but all i could do was to drink water with half open eyes (thankfully, i always put a bottle of water by my bed) and i went back to sleep. Woke up at 8am but then i went back to sleep. Woke up at 9.15am but went back to sleep. Woke up at 10am....and i had to force myself to sit up.

Im obviously lacking motivation to wake up.

And my sleep-wake cycle has wrongly stabilised after thurs. Im sleeping 10 hours a day now. Gosh, this is unhealthy.

Slacked on saturday and sunday but I deserve it lah.

Went to ECP on sat for a morn run with nudgie, tuition (her finals are in 2 WEEKS TIME!!! argh), then had lunch with nudgie and his sister (think the sister is warming up to me :) ) and later went to my aunts place for some prayer thing for my grandma (cant believe its almost a year already since she left).

Sunday was slacking around even though I was scheduled to study. Went shopping with sister and heh, I bought myself a pair of shoes. I fell in love with it at first sight. Ive been looking for that kind of shoe for a very long time. Its black, velvet, pointy and flat.

Anyhoos, my dad has invited nudgie over on friday for dinner. I dont know whether to feel excited or anxious.

Its nearly mid-day now and im still deciding which subject I should study. I guess I'll just open my cupboard and grab whichever book that calls out to me. No point studying something Im not in the mood for. It is the break after all :)

Break.

Sleep deprived but satisfied.

Handed in the paper finally.

Breather for now.

Happy.

Extracted DNA just now :) Cool stuff :)

Waiting for a ride home. I think its best that the public be kept safely away from me.

Hmm, everyone around me is so happy :) So nice.

Kweeting and sharon very noisy. "Now then you know", says Kweeting. "Ha Ha Ha", says sharon :)

Hmm...Im.....happy :)

light at the end of the tunnel

When you really begin to question yourself about whether God has decided to not help you because He's helped you too much and you havent been that much of a grateful person.

When you feel that something so worldly and inconsequential in the larger scheme of things shouldn't get to you but alas, it did.

When you think what a rotten person you are inside and wonder if God can forgive you and still loves you.

When you begin the question the way things are and why and then feel downright guilty about it.

When you just want to sleep cos thats where you feel happiest and care-free.

The blues.

But then, someone comes and lends a listening ear and offer kind words of advice and to remind you of what is. That's when all darkness dissipates and a rush of hope illuminates and pierces through the abyss you've drowned yourself in.

You realise and remember(as you always did, deep in your heart), that God will always be with you. God is forgiving. God is wise. God is loving.
God will always help if you ask Him to. All you got to do is to believe.

Then everything will truly be alright.

Insya-Allah.

Yank me hair out..GARGH!

Did not feel like getting out of bed today at all. I just wanted to sleep and forget about everything else. Call it my form of escapism.

How? HOW?

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, Breathe out.

The inertia to start yet again on yet another one, barely having the time to recover from the previous one.

Assignment after assignment after assignment after assignment...

I want term break to come. I need it to come. COME!!

gargh

What else is due (new)?

Item Status

1. Bio psych termpaper Done
2. Eva acad arg assignment Due Fri 15/9
3. Gen Bio lab assignment Due Tues 19/9 (dateline still to be confirmed)
4. Lab in app psych report 1 Due Wed 20/9
5. Adol psych critique Due Fri 22/9

Breathe.

Inspirational

I have often dreamed, of a far off place
Where a hero's welcome, would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face
And a voice keeps saying, this is where I'm meant to be
I'll be there someday, I can go the distance
I will find my way, if I can be strong
I know ev'ry mile, will be worth my while
When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong

Down an unknown road, to embrace my fate
Though that road may wander, it will lead me to you
And a thousand years, would be worth the wait
It might take a lifetime, but somehow I'll see it through
And I won't look back, I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track, no, I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope, but I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance, and my journey is complete

But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero's strength is measured by his heart
Like a shooting star, I will go the distance
I will search the world, I will face its' harms
I don't care how far, I can go the distance
Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms
I will search the world, I will face its harms
Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms

-Go the Distance, Michael Bolton

Mellow

Something is physically wrong with me.
My legs are stiff and heavier than usual while my head is light. I seem to somehow sway to the left when i stand up and if I lie down and close my eyes, I feel like I'm being sucked into a whirpool.

I am procrastinating.
I dont feel like starting on my term paper anytime soon but I know I must. I want to enjoy writing it up. I mean contrary to what others may feel, I enjoy the researching bit. The sense of purpose while listening to music I havent heard in ages and just bobbing my head is great but when it comes to actually consolidating everything you've found and churning out a comprehensive and sensible paper is the hardest bit. The adrenalin knowing that Im almost done gets me too excited that I just cant sit still to think.

I'm also feeling torn.
Two of my friends are celebrating their birthday in tomorrow. One of them's flying off soon and her birthday's in Oct while the other one has hers next week but both are having it tomorrow.
Question is, how does farah fly from clementi to pasir ris then to bugis (presumably) then head back to tamp all in 5 hours? Heck, I'll make it for both. These two girls are my friends and I want to be present at their 21st birthday celebration.

Tomorrow would also be our 15th month together. I know its silly but since we dont hang out much, making the effort to 'celebrate' each month is something that we share. The best thing about this relationship, however, is that we're flexible. (or rather, he is more than I am and should be) I mean, we both know that we have our own lives and circle of friends. So thank you for everything and for all the support you've given me in anything that I do. Even the littlest things you do for me means so much to me. And you've given me a lot.

Anyway, Im proud of myself for mustering enough gut yesterday as I went up to a certain lecturer. I am anticipating (and praying for) a favourable outcome :)

Also, a conversation I had a few days ago with a friend has been ringing in my head. I may have unintensionally arrived at a response without much thought. He asked if I were given a chance to work with a bunch of people for a project, would I join the people who have gotten 'A's or would I prefer to work with others (ie im assuming non A students)?

I immedietly responded that I would join the A group people. I now regret my answer and my reason.
I had mentioned that working with those A graders would give me the sense of security that these people are not slackers which I based on the assumption that grades are reflective of a person's interest and dedication to his/her work.

I now retract what I say because I realise and know that my reason is flawed.
Experience has showed me that grades are fluctuate. And I was wrong. I have worked my butt off for something before and was extremely passionate about it but I didnt score as well as others. To think that someone else would not want me in their group because of that bad grade and hence on that ill-conceived premise (which i had regrettably made) riles me. Besides, I do know of people who are not hardworking or as interested in work but who nonetheless managed to get As.

So my point is that if I have to choose groupmates, I would rather work with amicable people with positive work attitude. It doesnt matter what their previous grades may be. If I can work with people who share similar interests and working styles, Ill work with them for sure.

I guess we've been raised to think that grades (and therefore achievement) maketh the person. While it may be true to some, it could also be untrue. The relative in this matter, is the person, the key which is oft overlooked.

So having thought through the question, I humbly regret and am deeply ashamed at my rash answer previously.

How about you? Whoever is reading my blog? Given a situation where you must choose between amicable A graders and amicable others with whom you've worked with both groups of people before which would you choose?

eye

Doesnt the word the two 'e's in the word 'eye' look like eyes? With the 'y' as the nose?

My student's mom asked me if im 'senang' (prosperous) because ive gained weight.

....

eye

Ive formulated a few hypotheses. Namely, there is a correlation between weight gain and academic achievement (moderated or is it mediated (darn, i get confused btw the two) by eating behaviour). And, there is a correlation between liking a subject and doing well in it. Note, correlation doesnt mean its causal and of course, while the latter could be bidirectional, i dont see how the first can be. But you never know huh?

....

eye

Wonder why my tagboard hasnt been as 'happening' as it used to be before i removed it. Why ah?

eye

Blank.

Heh, did you feel like you were being stared at by 'eye's throughout this post?

Gosh. Im funny. :)

eye

School and stuff.

I may have been subconsciously over-ambitious this semester. Expectation wise. And i've only realised this yesterday evening as I wondered why i was feeling so stressed out even though its just the 3rd week of school.

I am taxing myself too much. Oh please, farah, you were never the sort of student to read the relevant chapters before any lecture. And because you thought you were always on the ball, you suddenly realise that being 3 chapters behind in almost every module was enough to just want to sleep and get away from everything.
Escapism beckoned till last evening.

So there, who cares if im chapters behind in my readings? who cares if im not that on the ball? Im only human. So why the sudden revelation? Cos as of yesterday, i realise that instead of worrying on how im gonna read the previous chaps and next week chapts within this week, i should focus on the task(s) at hand.

Term papers.

I have one due on the 12th and another soon after. So why not, instead focus on what i gotta do now? I'll have plenty of time to catch up. Perhaps as i work on these papers, i'll also go through those readings(although i dont really think so but the possibility is there). Then there's always reading week. There'll always be time.

No sweat. I can handle this. Baby steps is all i need to take. Rome wasnt built in a day.and neither will my cap.

Now i just need to be able to focus...and breathe. Just like I always say..breathe.

And many thanks to my friends at the swaps table. Will it still be called the swaps table? Anyways, i also realise that I need people around me. I was absolutely perplexed as to how i should approach my bio psych term paper till i approached the peeps there. Im so seriously blessed to know that I can always depend on someone there for company, advice, to engage in intellectual babble, information, bitching and well, anything basically! :) You guys are great :)


Aside: I ran for the first time at the SRC track on campus. Ran with cheryl and was hit by a bout of nostalgia triggered by familiar circumstances: Tuesday evenings(3rd period PE), cheryl, a certain big-head senior training on the track, a certain PE teacher coaching, and certain soccer players training. Deja Vu? Was i back at VJ? :)

Played netball and whee! i scored a goal to tie the match. :) But wah, darn tiring.

Big circle I ran

I really can’t believe it. The only time I ran around bedok reservoir before today was for cross country in sec 3. Heh, I completed it then. So the thing that worried me a little before I started the jog this morning was whether I could complete it again. After all, I was much fitter when I was 15. But wow. I did! I’m so happy. The company, the scorching sun and the will power to not NOT complete the run and shatter the memory of reservoir experience turned out to be very motivating.

4.3km non stop. ME! Hehe. Looks like the previous morn runs have been effective!

My other weekly exercise activities: Sunday swims and Tuesday netball.

To a fitter me! :)

Retail therapy

I was supposed to mug today but ended up spending the whole day with my mom. Went around from raffles place to harbour front and then back home. I accompanied her to settle some errands after which our spree took place.

I got myself:

A pair of jeans, lingerie, facial toner, 2 bags (oh wait, these i bought last night), other stuff, and food, food, food.

Im appalled with myself. Then again, I need the above stuff so there. Its not like im wasting money..I'll only be wasting IF i dont use them. So I WILL use them.

Shopping with mom is good cos heh, food is covered. And sometimes, moms do tend to be charitable, dont they? ;)

Oh yeah, mom and I decided to take bus 65 from harbour front cos we missed 10 and while the journey was far too long, it was nice to see my mom get excited while pointing out to me what used to be where and what she used to do..where she used stay and hang out, as the bus went by.

But seriously, i'll never take 65 back to tamp from harbour front again. Not if i can help it.

Merrier

So i went for the netball recre welcome tea and I felt old. Nearly everyone there except the comm members were freshies and they're all so friendly. :) Had an itch to join the comm which i had to suppress by reminding myself that Im a 3rd year and the only reason im joining netball is to sweat it out and know more people.

Then i saw weilan and sheena! hahah. so i wasnt the only third yr! Sheena's joining so yay! Made so many more friends...that heh, i cant remember their names! But they were amazed as to why im joining :)

Managed to pull in several ppl to come down to play. Kim, karina and pema! hahah! I didnt really expect them to show interest but they said yes almost instantly! Wow.

So i do have friends who wanna sweat it out with me :)

Off my laurels!

Im a bit disappointed with the state of my mental stamina. I became fatigue after reading 1.5 chapters of my gen bio text. And i have yet to touch on my bio psych, adol psych,eva aca arg and lab readings. Bah! Nevermind, slow and steady better than nothing.

Physically, Ive been going for saturday morning runs thanks to a certain somebody and Im really glad about that. I've also been looking around for a sport to join. I seriously feel like joining something which involves being in a team since face it, once i leave uni, what are the chances of me playing a sport in a team? Besides, ive already joined a society, a publication and now...a sport! :)

And the sport im deciding to engage is...netball recreational! I like the game. The exposure i got during sec sch pe lesson left an impression on me. I just never got the opp to actually join the cca cos well, i was darn intimidated by the girls. They were all so fit..and well, i dont know abt you but back in my sec sch, they were the 'popular' ones..or so i thought.

Anyhoos, tmr is the welcome tea. Im quite psyched for it except for the fact that it'll start at 6 and end at 9. I finish at 2 on tues so i'll have to wait 4 hours...and by the time i reach home, it'll be nearly 11. And i have sch on wed morn at 9!

But as what my nudgie says "its sports what. Expected to start and end late. And you must be committed".

Lets just see how long i can survive.

eye opener

Attended the dean's list ceremony in the evening and yeah, it was the standard stuff you'd expect from any ceremony. It isnt the worst that ive been to (think back to the draggy CC bursary awards back in pri/sec sch) although some of my friends have told me otherwise. Its nice to see who's there and all that i actually quite enjoyed myself considering the company (grace and liangcai..and nudgie..and food) and the entertainment (the a capella peeps are really good)

:) I enjoyed myself. Its not everyday you know.

...and then burning questions..

"who on earth are these people? How come ive never seen the psych ones before?"

"how on earth do you become top in psych when people take diff mods every sem?"

"how on earth does one qualify for top arts student for year 2 etc?"

"why do all the book prizes for psych students end up being sponsored by the spore prisons service"

I want more awards. Gimme gimme gimme! Please? I promise to work hard :)

Whee~

Organise

Finally, finally, finally, I feel my life is getting on track again.

I am not ashamed to admit that I am totally dependent on organisers. The past 2 weeks have been so messy because my previous nus diary did not cover the first two weeks of August. My goodness, how relieved I am to have the new nussu diary for 06/07 which I love. I love the layout. They have monthly AND daily planners, not to mention the academic calendar, a time table schedule and a map!

I cant help it. Ima sieve head. And have a penchant for planning. I need to know what to expect in the next few days, few months. I need to write my datelines somewhere. I need to jot down my appointments. I need to have order. I need to have direction. Thank goodness for organisers!

I have finally color coded my modules. I need to get new files and pens in various colors. I like to organise myself and Im dedicating this entire week for it! Why? cos organisers and organising now saves a lot of time in future. Not to mention memory space. And less anxiety cos i'll know what to expect.

I'm a control freak. :)

Also, thank GOD i finally have all my texts. I am way behind in readings and I cant wait to pry open my text and smell the crisp print scent. And Im pleased to have gotten myself 2 second hand books which looks as good as new.

Now all I need is a foldable table that i can set up when Im feeling studious.

Yay! Im finally feeling enthusiastic for school again.

1st Day

Okay, not as good a first day as I imagined it to be but I am amazed with my sheer determination not to let my day be ruined by....

1) Stuff

2) Getting caught in the rain while on my way to science when i just washed my jeans and was wearing my new jacket and shirt

3) Broke the straps of my left slipper while trudging up to LT32

4) Have to sign up for bio tut again cos of some admin prob

But no. I did not let them ruin my first day. Cos all in all, it was a great day :) Catching up with mel and cheryl which really really made my day :) Managed to sell my soci text book..and having a nice time with nudgie on my way home.

If there's one thing ive learnt time and time again is that things never always happen the way you expect them to. But then you know what? Maybe it wasnt meant to be as how you imagined it to be. Everything happens for a reason. And with every experience, be it joy or sadness, brings with it lessons you can learn and take away.

And today I learnt the value of optimism.

"Today will be a great day"

Psych me up!

Im quite satisfied. I managed to get all the modules I want without much hassle compared to previous semesters. Even managed to get a 3 day week again (if all goes well with tutorial balloting that is).

My only gripes are
1) I may have an 8am tutorial for Bio psych. But at least i know i wont be alone :) (yay mel!)
2) Gen Bio lect time has been changed so now i have no breaks in between lect. But that isnt the problem. The problem is getting myself over to science faculty in under 15 mins, at peak hour.

Anyways, my mods are....(drum rolls)

1) Biological Psychology
2) Adolescent Psychology
3) Lab in Applied Psychology (Lab in Health Psych)
4) General Biology
5) Evaluating Academic Arguments

Hope i'll be able to ace them :) So far, my mods all seem interesting so yay! :)

FIREWORKS!

Caught the fireworks yesterday. Amazing how crowded city hall was simply because everyone was cramming at the Esplanade cum areas thereabouts to catch the s'pore team's display of the fireworks festivals.

We managed to get a better view from along the expressway. (you know, those lanes you sometimes see people walking along as you drive by wondering why and how on earth they got there) heh, cars actually switched off their ignition and observed the 15 mins in awe. :) A night all drivers united against the traffic police with their illegal parking (i mean, they cant summon ALL the cars can they?)

In any case, happy national day everyone! Im glad to be born and bred here. So privileged we are as compared to a lot of other places. No war, no famine, no draught, no natural disasters, great food, great sanitation, great housing and people get along. What more can you ask for?

And yes yes, i now know that school starts next week. And i was just getting used to living the life of a bum.