Friday already?

Surprisingly, my butt and right arm still aches from tue's badminton. Heh, im so unfit. Couldnt last 1/2 hour without feeling like im gonna collapse. Never mind, no pain no gain. Im gonna go running tmr. Hahah. Right.

Goint out with a few sec sch friends. No idea what we're gonna be doing but theyre a spontaneous bunch to be with so heh, wonder what will happen.

Karina!!! I wanna go wakeboarding!! But wait, is 80 bucks cheap? But i dont mind! I wanted to try last sem but i had no one to go with :(

Anyhoo, Im thinking of dropping french. Dad wasnt too happy bout that. I bet he thinks that im the kind of person who quits when the going gets tough. But seriously, i really do love french...but if its gonna suck my cap down, shouldnt i just cut and run? I mean, logically, i should. I want to do honours in psych..not french for goodness sake!

Thinking of taking mandarin. Fiza says its fun...plus i can absolutely guarantee that i have friends to teach and communicate with me. Heck, look around! Haha. Unlike French!

Anyway, gonna get the book from her and yunxian's gonna tutor me!! :)

Still, im not sure, its kinda sad to drop french. Dont know lah. Darn module preference exercise is making me think of the modules to take for next sem already. So far, im thinking of taking biological psych, develomental psych and i/o psych. Wanted to take a level 4000 module called advanced abnormal psych. I emailed the HOD but he said that i should have to wait till my 4th year to take it cos level 4000s are for honour year students. yeah. IF i get to do my honours.

Yeah, so thats 3 modules....if i take LAC1201, then i need one more.....but what? I cant stand any other faculty modules....eek.

Any suggestion? Preferably a module i can ace? hehe

Im a chicken

I admit it. Im a scaredy cat.

Couldnt sleep last night cos i was shit scared after watching the exorcism of emily rose. Hey, you must understand. The movie ended at 12 midnight. The mall was empty. It was raining heavily. Worse, i had to sleep in the hall all alone.

I tried shutting the movie out. Tried watching something on channel 5 but everything was to no avail. I was hypersensitive to everything ard me. What was that? etc.
SO i went online..chatted with cheryl and nabilah. Helped a little..then farhana had to remind me that 3am was coming. Darn her. For those who watched the show you'd understand the significance of 3am.

Told myself..."sleep farah..its just a show...its just a show". so i hid under my blanket. So hot. But i was so scared to move. Then i fell asleep with my mp3 tunes playing in my ear. But nooooo, dunno why, i had to wake up at 2.45am. Exactly. Shits. Someone had switched the lights off. Great.

I was like okay.....what should i do?? SO, i hurriedly picked my pillows, blankey and everything else and adjourned to my parents room. Settled down on the floor next to their bed. Tried to sleep..but i couldnt....i was facing the toilet door...eek. Toilets arent exactly friendly places at night are they? SO i crawled in bed, beside my mom...woke her and told her i couldnt sleep cos im scared...she moved and made space for me and i hugged her to sleep.

This morn i woke up and my dad laughed at me. Tried to scare me. Sheesh.

Youre probably laughing too. But my goodness. I was damn scared lah. So relieved to see daylight.

Interests

Ive just come to realise that finding people of similar interests is actually quite hard. I mean, your idea of a good time and hanging out may be different from someone else. My point is, that you can be friends, but ultimately, your friends may not share/enjoy the things you do.

Like for instance, as i was bored, i decided to think of people who like to do what i like to do...etc. And sadly, i realise that most of the friends are the sorta friends that i can only relate to in school. you know, like bitching abt modules and the like and talk abt life and all. Theyre great people to actually sit down for a meal/movie and maybe that kind of hang out.

But how bout other stuff? The only badminton kaki i have is adeline...are there any more of you guys who like to play too?? i mean you cant play badminton alone!!
And how bout more outdoorsy kinda ppl? Anyone wants (and can) go for trekking etc etc?
How bout snorkelling? And running (ok, i have farhana to cover this) and blading (thanks karina) and other fun stuff?

Shopping is okay...but even so, the only person i ever enjoy shopping with is my sister.

Haiya, bottom line, when i go out with friends, must it always be over a meal? No wonder im fat.
Boo.

Or maybe i just dont know people well enough as i ought to?

Is there anything else thats interesting?? Huh?
I really dont mind watching movie/dinner/lunch etc...but surely there's more that friends can do right?

will i ever find people who can tolerate me and who share similar interests so that travelling with them would be fun? I would very much like to travel with friends....but with who??

SIGH.

Monday and missing my darling

So, apparently, i did nothing on friday and saturday. Its okay. 2 wasted days. I was sick..and tired on friday. Felt thoroughly down cos i had absolutely nothing to do. Then plans on saturday didnt happen...but luckily, sunday made up for it and the weekend ended on a nice note. Thanks, baby :)

Was a bit bummed that i cant have the whole week with him. That was the original plan. After his BSLC, he'd have a one week break...BUT, he was selected for something and hence, he had to book in this morning. Still, at least after months of not going out with him, that one day was really refreshing :) Im so proud him. OCS. :) $$$ :) :) :) hehheheheheh. Kidding lah. But Chris says that they earn much more than other people...hmm.

So i sent out like mass sms to some old friends to make plans for this week. Ok lah, im playing badminton with cheryl and marisa tmr and later im watching movie with farhana at night, then watching harry potter with sis on wed...then thurs/fri might go out with tini/kin/ju. Not sure bout that. At least im gg out. Sigh. Or maybe i shouldnt go out so much. I should stay home. Hang out here more often.

Anyway, if youre bored, you know where to find me.

Contemplating of getting a new phone plan. But that would mean i gotta change my number. But the plan is like way way cheaper than my current one and i get 1000 free smses. thats nuts man! :) :) :)
But to get a new handphone number? Ive had this one since i was 15!!

Anyway, winston and kenneth, how come i cant access your blog?

Karina just asked me if im thinking of getting a job. That never occured to me. And no, i dont wanna work. Had enough of work during term time. I wanna have fun. But how does one have fun alone? FRIENDS!!! where art thou?

Hmm, my student did well for her PSLE. Am proud of her. Wonder if they'll employ me next year! heheh.

Ya ah. I cant keep spending. I mean, income out...where's the income coming in from? Gargh. Anyway, bought 2 tops yesterday. Wohoo. Next, i need pants. Black ones that can pass off as both formal and informal. Then i think i wanna get a haircut. oh yea, i dyed my hair golden brown on saturday. But my hair still looks the same colour. Ah well. Dont think i need shoes...nor do i need a bag. Ah, yes, i need more jeans/pants whatever. Been using the same one the whole semester. But then, jeans are like that. You can have a whole load of them but you always end up wearing that same one.

Alright, since i have nothing to do, i shall read the books that i borrowed yest..and spend time with my paternal grandma. And maybe meet up with my mom and go shopping with her?

hehe.

Its the ho...ho..holi..ah-choo (excuse me) days.

Bleah. I mean. YAY. Ive finished my exams. Wait, i think that yay deserves a line of its own.

YAY

Yup. Sem 1 over and done. Hope i do well. etc etc etc

Right.

Now what?

After leading a highly regimental life of studying, im hit with nothingness. What do i do? I have absolutely no plans.

IM FREE IN DECEMBER, dear friends...so look me up.

Unless im sick....dreary december. Im like sneezing and having blocked nose lah. Cant even sleep cos i cant breathe.

Adeline, when are you coming back? Badminton...leh
In fact, 02a53, please let our outing happen. :)

Yunxian, Karina and Justina. Settle on a date for your birthday treat. Ive decided to treat you guys to ice-cream.

Can someone gimme a list of things to do?

Ive come up with this so far
1) Sleep
2) Recover from flu
3) Start exercising when it doesnt rain...(i prefer the outdoors, ade dear)
4)watch harry potter

Hmm.

Stupid. me.

Im probably gonna be one of the few morons to flunk an SS paper. Singapore Society. Damn paper. I went completely blank. BLANK.

I used to think that i have the gift...the gift of crapping but you know what? Im dumbo who cant even crap about singapore society. For God's sake, i live IN this society and i went blank.
I was a former Lit student for goodness sake.....crap crap crap is suppose to come naturally to me...and yet what happened?

Was i too complacent throughout this module? I think i was. If so, i deserve the miserable grade that i will most likely get.

Darn it. There goes my CAP. There goes my honours.

I WILL NEVER TAKE A SOCIOLOGY MODULE AGAIN

Feeling utterly miserable now.
I saw it coming. I knew. I couldnt even study the module. I didnt know how. So i paid the price.

Dont try to console me, saying that moderation or luck or smt might make my grade not too bad. Cos you know what? I was expecting a FREAKING A for this module. Looks like i'll never get that now. NO way.

Darn it.

It should have been in my hands.

And whats worse, the paper, on hindsight wasnt really that hard. WISH it were....so EVERYONE ELSE CAN FAIL WITH ME...but no.

So cruel. I wont enjoy my holiday at all. Next up, stats 2. Gosh, i will not be complacent this time. SIGH.

Dear God, if you read this blog, (which probably you will..in fact you know my thoughts and know what im gonna ask for...) please let me do okay for the SS paper. I know i was wrong in being too presumptious. I accept whatever grade...just please let it not be too bad. Considering that i knew it was coming, and knowing i cannot get an A unless by some miracle (hint) i do, let me get a grade that i would be satisfied with.....Please? I know i havent been good but please..

(heaves sigh)
I think i should focus for the next paper now. Pray i do better for that.

Chilly

Wah......so cool. As in really really cool. Temperature wise. you know. Of course you know.
So nice to sleep but cannot! MUST study...

One down
Two more to go...

I can do it...

I must say, the weather certainly marks the coming of december. Nice rainy days...you end up sleeping and waking up at noon..cancelling that lunch date you made with friends on account of the weather...catching a cold and having to hole up in your room with lots of tissue paper and huddled under you blanket.....when promises you made to exercise all the lard off frm the year (esp from the exam period..heh) are all broken simply because its raining so you cant go jogging....

On second thought, maybe i dont want december to come after all. So dreary.

Mug

Was in the library pretty much the whole day. 8.30am till it closed. Then stayed in school till 12.30. Did stats. Drank red bull. It was free. Wonder where those red bull girls popped up from.Hmm. Tired.

Got french back. Bad.

Got film back. Happy. Very pleased indeed.

Covered a few chaps. Can lah. Should be able to cover.

Im beginning to feel much better. Thanks for the encouragement..you know who you guys are. :)

Went swimming wed morn...damn shiok.

Also, i realised ive pretty much read every single chapter for abnormal psych and done almost all the readings for SS except for 2. Hmm :) Not bad....although i did them over the course of the sem so i cant remember much. BUT at least, ive read them :)

Heh,........cant remember what i wanted to type.

ah well. Mug away!

Catharsis

Ive started studying, finally. Not at the pace i wanted it to be, but ive started nonetheless.

Ive been crying. I cant stop crying. I dont know why. Little things make me cry. Sometimes, thinking of crying makes me tear. Like now.

Im not suffering from depression. Cant be. According to DSM-IV-TR, intense sadness etc would last for at least 2 weeks.

Maybe im having a panic attack. My temples are throbbing real bad. Im avoiding my books. Im over eating.
Ive never felt so stressed in uni before. I mean i keep telling myself
"Farah, you only have 3 exams! You have no excuse not to get As for all of them..theyre within reach...dont regret...study NOW...this is your chance to pull your CAP...come on, some people have 5 exams to put up with. YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE."

:'( Why am i doing this to myself?

I just wanna go on a holiday..or sleep and dream my exams away.

But i cant. Can you imagine, that i was so desperate to be focused/not distracted, that i told Najib that i wont sms/talk/contact him till my last paper ends. I mean, i remember, before we got together, he gave me a month off. And so I thought, i should follow suit. He's been so supportive...But you know what? Ive come to realise that im so stupid. Why am i depriving myself of the very thing that makes me happy and sane? Im gonna call him tonight. I need to. Or i'll go nuts.

Im focused...but i need to breathe.

Not that i think i deserve to but I MUST. Or i wont be able to do anything..

I just want a hug.

2 down

Im in school now...waiting for justina to have her web cast lecture break. Yes, im not kidding. I want my laksa!!!!

Handed in my last film project. I can forget about double tick lah. Sigh. Was rushing like a mad woman. Thanks justina and cherylN for calming my nerves..and offering me your laptops.

Was in the library with CherylLee. Why cant i concentrate? After lunch, im gonna collect my SS paper (oh boy) and head on HOME. Maybe im just too distracted or smt......gargh.

I MUST MUG!!!

Read AVE's (hehe) blog. Wah, i think i better read up on Islam. Malu that i cant seem to answer some of the questions man.

One down

Four more modules to go. And by tomorrow, 3 more :)

French test was hard. But almost everyone was complaining so Im relieved to know that at least, Im not the only one! Many thanks to Xiaowen and Kenneth for aiding me last evening, allowing me to clarify some stuff i just could never understand!

Also, Im glad that French ended on a pleasant note. The oral wasnt bad at all. I actually found myself able to chat fluently (or so i hope). I guess thats cos i was calm. At the end, he said "Bon" so i hope that means "Good" and not ''well...." Either way, i'll find out next thursday.

I think I had better to get started on my last film N hist project. Double tick? Yes, please.

For fun

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself: You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love: You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you: You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success: Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of: You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self: You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

I got the quiz off Ave's blog.Yup. La la la

We got a B.

SIGHHHHHHH.

I ought to be grateful but why am i unhappy? I mean i really thought we'd be deserving of at least..at the very least, a B+. I was even hoping for an A-.

Wonder which groups got A.

B

Darn it. DARN it...now i must study darn darn hard for the finals. Sheesh.

Im beginning to realise that what goes up must come down. Been having a pretty good sem till recently.

If i were to be optimistic, what that is down must go up again right? Right?

Anyway, maybe its good that I didnt get the grade i wanted not only for stats but for film and french...and who knows? Maybe even SS? So at least i wont be as complacent.
Yes, yes, I HAVE BEEN KICKED. Thank you.

Got back my abnormal..if yunxian's calculation of the mean is right, then i guess im above it. But can you imagine? I was not happy. Why? No idea. Think im turning into an overachieving freak.

Felt horrible so i went for a run yesterday.....and my gosh...exercise really is good for you....i felt immensely satisfied....and alive.

And im all rearing to go...to start mugging like i ought to.

Still, a B.

Nerves

Feeling extremely MEGA anxious........

STATS project report grades are out......Oh dear...oh dear...oh dear....

Im at home now, wish I could just run to school to take a peek at the grade.....but realised the absurdity..
Rang Justina and Cheryl Lee to no avail...Cheryl Nott's on her way to AS6 as I type this....managed to let Kim know already..Gosh...im so bleeping nervous....

We spent so much time and effort on the report....God, please......

ahh! How long does cheryl take to walk to AS6??!!!!

Patience is a virtue...patience is a virtue....Paaaaaatieeeeeeeeeeenceeeeeeeeee...

Kicked

Got back my french results....KICKED

Got back my film project 4.....KICKED

:-*

Fine, im motivated enough to start mugging.

Sheesh.

:-*

Reality Check

I think, ive been enjoying myself too much.

Perhaps its the festivities, perhaps the post-project/term paper euphoria. Or, perhaps im darn lazy.

I just realise, that I, Farah, officially have 15 days to prepare for my FINAL EXAMS!!! What the heck am i doing, waking up so late and going around as though im on holiday already?

Someone, please, KICK ME.

That said, on the bright side, i had the opportunity to wind down and relax...so i can start afresh.

Excuses.

Haha

Selamat Hari Raya!

:)

Cant believe one month of fasting came to an end yesterday as we celebrated the end of the holy month of Ramadan. Insya-allah, will get to commemorate the next Ramadan.

Went to the graveyard for the first time. Vistied my Grandma's grave...and a few other relatives. Saw someone being buried...on Hari Raya. Someone dies everyday, i suppose. Being there, i was reminded on the temporarity of life...here today but you never know when you're gonna go..

Anyway, i miss her. First Hari Raya without her.

On a lighter note, my aunt and cousins came to visit and i finally saw a new addition to our family..Baby Naqif/Nakif....so cute!!!! At least he didnt cry when i held him. :) I realise that its kinda easy to make babies laugh and smile...you just gotta make silly faces and googly noises. Haha. Though observing adults doing it is kinda funny.

Alright, thank you so much cheryl lee, melinda, linyen, karina, justina, winston, norman, kat, vemalan, manju, renu and all who wished me (apologies if i forgot to mention you)..sorry i didnt reply your greetings ya? Thank you soo much nonetheless! :)

Anyway, in the spirit of Hari raya, Maaf Zahir Batin, which translate to : Forgive me if ive ever offended or hurt you...

Alright, ive gotta leave for French make-up lessons.

Pseudo holidays!

First, Happy Deepavali to all my Hindu friends!

Im in school now..can you believe that there's so many people in school? NUS students need to get a life. (yeah, and the one typing this is in sch herself. heh)

I guess its cos datelines and project reports are due this week...like stats report due tmr. Waiting for Kim to come before we start...

Yeah...cant wait for this week to end..then i can start mugging full time.

Hari Raya's coming!

Anyway, i met up with Najib yesterday. Even though it was only for 2 hours, it was worth it. Had a wonderful time, darling. Thank you.
And you really looked gorgeous dressed in your baju kurung :)
And your hair cut :)
Whee~

Essay

Film N history essay.....is HISTORY!

Im done! Clap hands! Wohoo! Yay!

Post no 195

Yup, so it is.

My darling's reading my blog as i type this. I actually dont think he needs to considering i constantly update him about my life!

Anyway, he's on his Hari raya break which starts today and lasts for 5 whole days :) Might see him on monday night. Yay.

As for my film n history, well, i encountered a mental block. Utter frustration as ive only managed to squeeze 430 words thus far. But i will press on....not that i have a choice but i will be darned if i dont finish at least half of it by tonight.

And i heard that my article's out...cant wait to have a look at it! :)

And ive finally factored in a time to go shopping with my mom at geylang serai! The day before hari raya! Wed! Cos i only have a lect from 8-10am...plus, i would have finished my stats report so nothing else due anytime soon. :)

Yups!

Okie, back to work.

Papers Schemapers

First and foremost, THANK YOU JUSTINA for submitting my film and hist project.

My goodness. I think this has gotta be one of the worst and ill-thought papers ive ever written. It probably doesnt make sense after the introduction paragraph. Think its too example driven. Too narrative. Blah. I had no choice. I mean it was hard defining what "doing the right thing" is! And i dont know why i lacked the inspiration to write it. Perhaps cos there's so many things to say and yet nothing to say and i had to rush against the clock cos i was oh-so-smart to sleep and think that ample sleep would make me have a fresh perspectives on thing. NYAH.

Thanks justina for submitting it....so i had at least 45 mins more to think about it..and edit and stuff.

Alright, just one MAJOR essay due on monday at 4pm and another project due in 2 weeks time and i'll be done with Film and History.

Monday's french test is listening comprehension (for which im in big trouble. need to dig ears) and written comprehension (for which im also in big trouble cos i usually need a dictionary). But essentially, i cant study for it cos its not grammar...

Which means, i have the entire day plus weekend to write my Film essay. I wanna make it a good one! :)

Oh dear, i havent set aside a day/time to shop for my hari raya clothes. Ah well, worse case scenario, i'll just wear what i wore last year. Like who'd remember? Seriously?

Where's my abnormal psych results? Tsk tsk.

Kick me!

Someone, kick my procrastinating posterior!!

I have a film essay to do and im supposed to be done by monday but then i have a french test on monday. Gargh. So i have till sat to do my essay. Sat? ARGH! SATURDAY!!!!

Ps: I realised that i havent said happy birthday to some of my friends. Happy belated birthday to Adeline and Karina. Happy Birthday in advance to Yun xian and Xiaoyan.

Am i missing anyone else? :)

One month from today, I will be free~ My last exam will be today..in one months' time! Yippee!

Dyslexic in statistics

Borrowed my title from cheryl's nick..

Im still up all because of stats!!!!! Who ever said that SPSS was idiot proof? Grr...

To think that stats presentation is only 15% out of 25 marks...which is (drum rolls) 3.75 marks!

Why am i up again?

Been too lazy to blog...

Title says it all.

True...its like everytime i wanted to type, i couldnt be bothered. Haha. Except today, cos its my free day and im feeling extremely happy.

I guess my happy streak started on wednesday when i got back my stats. Alhamdulillah! Yay!! I did well :) And im glad i did...cos well, the day before my grandma passed away, i told my mom that i'd visit her after my stats test...but well, she passed away before i could and i took my test on a later date...and i did well...somehow, that makes me feel a little better...i cant really explain it...

So anyway, after having a chat with najib, i realise that i shouldnt be so competitive...he reminded me that i should try to beat my personal best (CAP) and not worry abt others. Yeah, he's right...i feel better now.

And after receiving my french test 2 results, ive given up on my quest to get an A..when you have ppl in class getting 37/40, you dont stand a chance. Not that ive given up doing my best of course! I'll do my best, but if i dont get an A, i wont be bummed. Gotta be realistic.

Maybe thats why i feel happier...less stress i suppose? And the fact that i finally submitted my essay for SS after letting my tutor know my worries abt being penalised for writing a boring topic..he assured me he'll read mine first and he wont hold my topic choice against me.

Next up, my film and history. Watched Godfather that day...nice! Wonder which movie to write about....

(Stretch)Its my free day today.
Gonna make sure my weekend will be productive...
Got stats proj grp meeting tmr...presentation's on monday...and report's due the subsequent week....

And then its HARI RAYA! yay. :P

And ooh, i might get to see him tmr night for ice cream! :)

Dark day

Listening to "It must have been love" by Roxette. I remember the first time i heard it. I must have been in primary 3 or 4. The soundtrack of Pretty Woman starring Julia Roberts.
Nice.

Anyway, today was kinda...bleaugh.

Had abnormal test this morn. Studied really hard for it. I mean i covered every single chapter and some chaps ive read twice. 40% MCQ. I pray i do well...but i realise that i made a few blunders already. Why do i keep changing my answers? Gosh, i hope i do well...i really love abnormal psychology. I mean, ive finally found my calling. I wanna be a psychotherapist. This is THE field i wanna delve into. I know this sounds cliche, but i wanna help people. I really do. And abnormal has revived my love for psychology....please dont take this away from me....It sounds silly right? To have my passion be determined by grades...but its true...if i dont do well for this module, then i'll doubt if this is IT. I dont know....I guess theres nothing much i can do about the 40%.....if its meant to be, it is i suppose....

Then had SS tutorial. Why did i have to do a very very dry topic? About identity? Grr. I actually found my topic interesting but realised that youth subculture is a much more exciting and DARN EASY topic to do. Darn it. Everyone who does on youth subculture's gonna do darn well lah. What am i going to do? Ive finished about 80% of my paper....im just left with editing and tweeking here and there. Its due on sat but i have to finish it by tonight...or else i'll be pushing my other modules further...

Need to prioritise. Thats it. Im gonna submit it tmr.

Then im gonna start on film.
Then stats.
Then french.

Will it ever end?
yeah. NOV 25.

PS: Might be signing up for trekking in dec with NUS rovers...asked Tini and my dunman friends along...hope it works out.

Phew

Time flies. Its can you believe it 15 Oct already?

Whoa.

Completed that darn SS paper yesterday. Yes, i spent almost the whole Sat morn and afternoon putting my thoughts into that essay. Although, i feel its only 90% complete. Im going to incubate it. You know, return to it in a few days time with a fresher perspective. Realise that if on Tuesday, i read it and it doesnt make sense, at least i can edit it.

Started on my abnormal psych as well. Problem is, i cant really remember what ive read. Sigh. And chaps 1 and 2 and 17 are so incredibly boring. Think im gonna leave them till i finish the rest. Thank goodness on the whole, abnormal psych's interesting. I dont mind reading it at all! :)
This is what studying should be all about! Interest and fun. :)

Test's on tuesday. In fact, i think i have 2 tests on Tuesday. Abnormal and SS (tho the tutor didnt say so but i suspect our 10% tutorial participation would be translated to the marks he gives us for our upcoming mini write up.)

Also, im thinking of skipping the film shown tmr so that i can go home earlier and study for psych. Yeah, think i'll do that. I mean its The Godfather. Ive watched that already...So, i'll just go for lect and leave before the film...i can always watch it on wed during my break :)

Alright, i seem to be in an optimistic mood. Thats good! At least, in a happy disposition, my mind would be more receptive to what i read. :)

Whirl, twirl, swirl....whoa.

Its 9.40am on a friday. I would have been done with my SS term paper. In fact I should have finished it by Wed, as i kept insisting and telling everyone. But ive come to realise that i can be all take and no action.

Take yesterday for instance. I told myself that i would not sleep until i finished my term paper so that i'll be able to focus on abnormal psych. Instead, i felt zilch motivation to do it and considering i was already half way to Z land (thanks to my sis who was sleeping right in front from where i was), i decided to read a chapter on suicide. At least that seemed more interesting. Not that im suicidal. Its a topic for my test.

So anyway, i woke up early this morning thinking, sheesh, lets get SS out of the way. Get cracking! Instead, i found myself reading blogs of friends from past and present.
Its kinda good once in a while to just get/read updates abt your friends.

So anyway, im gonna promise to get started after i finish posting this entry. I have to lah. I must. Cant keep pushing it back just cos dateline was pushed. Come on, farah....

On a more personal note, i miss my Najib. I havent seen him Oct 1st. And that was merely for a late night movie in his attempt to cheer me up after my grandma's death. In any case, we realise the impossibility of meeting till after hari raya. Or well, maybe after my exams. Simply put, for the entire fasting month, we both have to dine with our respective families during the weekend. After breaking fast, he'd usually go for terawih, special prayers held at night. And that might end pretty late. I wouldnt want him to skip prayers for me. Its good that he goes :) So that leaves sunday, which is family day for both of us and of course, the day he books in.

Then when hari raya arrives, his weekends would be filled by his family. I mean, most likely they'll be visiting relatives and all. As for me, Nov is mug month. All the way till the 25 of NOV, i shall not be able to see him.

Well, thank God for handphones. At least we still communicate. (altho yest he dropped his hp in the sink and his hp was not working for a while) He still calls me when we're not tired...actually, even if he's tired, he'll call me. He's so sweet.

So anyway, i guess i shall have to wait till NOV 25. Yup.

Alright, i think ive stalled enough. Shall get started on my essay ok?

In Tense

Like yunxian mentioned yesterday, i think people are getting really nervy in NUS, with the datelines and mid term tests and all. I guess im no exception. Ive become paranoid!!

Well, at least ive been feeling okay lately. I mean SS dateline and my article's dateline has been pushed back by a week. But still, i feel like i should get em over and done with as quickly as possible. Also, stats MCQ result was a mood lifter, although almost everyone did as well if not better. Alhamdulillah nonetheless.

Doumecq said my oral wasnt bad. In fact he said it was good overall. Hmm. Wonder what he meant by good. But considering i thought it'd be bad, good is well, good. Right?

Waiting for my bro to fetch me soon.....and im darn lazy to do work...even though i MUST.

Hmm, maybe i should think of that satisfying feeling after accomplishing smt.....that ahhhh feeling...yes, i shall strive for that.

Bring it on

Today's French test was a bummer joy-killer total bleurgh. I felt so stupid. Still do. Doesnt help that i have brilliant friends and classmates. Great. Just perfect. I will never in a million years smell an A for french. Im beginning to doubt if i can even scrape a B this time. The funny thing is, I feel that ive put in more effort this sem than the previous sems. Not that it matters. Everyone else is probably working as hard if not more than i am. Darn you people. (sigh, its fasting month...must practise restrain)

Still, is it me, or are the ppl around me getting competitive? Come ah. But let me just warn you, competition is a double edged sword. It can spur you on, but you can also self-destruct.

So if there's anyone of you out there who wants to compete with me, i say bring it on. Just tell it to my face if you want to. Dont pretend that youre not.

Though, note to self and everyone else out there, my only competition is myself. Cos who cares what other people get? I mean, I just wanna be satisfied knowing that ive done my best...but when provoked into competition, be warned, i will rise to the occassion. I will beat you to pulp.

You have been warned. Do not incur my wrath.

PS: forgive my rather icky mood entry. French. Blame it on the french test.

Keep on moving...

Wah..my fingers are freezing. In the central lib. Must say, everyone's busy busy busy working on their respective term papers.

So why on earth am i in school on my free day? Heh, i had to hand in my film proj 3, which by the way, is rather crappy in content. Ah well..at least i submitted it. :)

Had a consulation with my SS tutor. Was totally loss and fickle as to which topic i was gonna do. Eventually settled on one and im gonna get started soon. Initially, i was suppose to do with yunxian but quite frankly, i dont wanna jeopardise her grades. Sekali last minute i change topic! Choy. Hope not.

Yeah, so im "working" on an intro paragraph for it.

Does anyone out there have a singaporean friend of chinese + indian origin and who's not muslim? PLEASE get back to me like NOW.

Have a french test on monday. Yesterday's oral was kinda funny. It was over and done with so quickly. And my tutor kept interrupting me that ilost my train of thought. Well, at least i tried. 20 percent....in less than 10 minutes.

Next, I have this 30% SS term paper. I really really wanna do a good one. If only i had more solid facts and well, more confidence. I need to be sure of what i wanna write before i write it. I dont want it to be a rushed substanceless paper that my most of my previous essays were.

Likewise with film essay which is due at the end of the month. I havent even thought much about what im gonna write.

Then theres the abnormal MCQ which is 40% and would be a brilliant waste if i dont study hard for it. 40% for a mid term given that its MCQ is God-sent. I must take advantage of that! If i'd only touched my textbook earlier.

But you know what? In the flurry of datelines and all,

I will chill.

I wanna enjoy what i do. If i dont, im pretty darn sure it would translate itself to my essays..

Yup. And before you know it, the month would be over and it'll be HARI RAYA!! :)

Then just 2 more weeks of school, then finally a one week reading week when i can mug un-interrupted for the finals.

AND then, HOLIDAYS!!!

Life goes on and i know that. I miss her a little. Wonder what hari raya would be like this year.

PS:Thanks to all my friends who stood by me last week. You know who you guys are. Thank you so so so much. Think i would have cracked otherwise.

Baba

Dear friends,

My grandma passed away yesterday.
She was 90
She was strong
She is/was the gentlest lady ever
My Baba

I cant bring myself to type anymore w/o tearing (already am)

Not gonna blog further about this.

Inna lillahi wa inna illahi rajiun.

Allahhuakhbar.

PS: Life on earth is only a transitory period. I think that in some sense, this has been a painful reminder that i shouldnt be completely immersed with my "worldly affairs". I had forgotten that death comes to us all. Inevitably. And we will be judged upon what we have done in this world. So as we go about doing what we do, i think it is wise to humble ourselves with the knowledge that in death, our achievements and merits (grades, career and everything material) will not matter. But it is our deeds, our actions, and our sins that would.

Life (or a lack of it)

Monday. School. Bleugh.

Actually, today wasnt that bad...except this morn when i got my french test back *mutter mutter* It isnt that bad lah. But I expect more of myself. Film was okay. Stats proposal approved. So yeah.

Anyway,

Had an interesting question thrown at me over lunch by su teck.

Suteck: So farah, besides academic stuff, what do you do during your free time? (ie hobby)
Me: Blank. Blink. blink.

Note to self: Get a hobby, woman. Sheesh.

Another level

So yesterday, after much anticipation, my darling and I went to Seoul Garden and pigged out.

You see, Najib didnt have much faith in my eating abilities. i.e. he thought that i was the kinda girls who'd eat a little and feel full. He even went on to say that "we're not ready...our relationship hasnt reached that level".

I say, bring it on.

And so we did. Hehehehheh. I WON!! (and theres no way you can say you gave me face cos puhlease..you looked so pained!!)

I, yes I, was the last one standing(eating) as he raised his white flag (his white wet towel seoul garden provided by seoul garden)

Muahahhahah.

But i must say lah, i cant fault him. The food kinda got boring after a while. We tried almost everything on display that after nearly 4 hours there, we basically had nothing to eat .Nor the appetite to cos everthing tasted the same.

So we left seoul garden with bulging tummies, nauseated. Urgh.

Walked all the way home. Which was great cos at least we exercised and felt better.

Man, can you imagine feeling so bleeping full that you find it difficult to walk, and talk at the same time? Hahhahahah.

Ahh...what a day/night.

Mommy!! Its over!!

Cant believe term break ends today. In fact, some friends have school today. Poor things.

Still, what have i done this term break? na-da. zilch. zero. kosong.
Note to self: Do not read Eugene's blog unless youve had a productive day.

On the other hand, as ive mentioned earlier, this week has served as a "refresher" week for me. Not that i deserved it in the first place. But i guess what this means is that i'll have to work doubly hard till the cows come home and become beef. (Sobs)

Also, it will be scary going back to school. I'll be getting back most of my assignments. Will be getting back my film project, french test and the stats proposal. Then OH MY GOD....i have A STATS MID TERM TEST ON WED!!!!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

And i have a SS term paper due 15 oct
And a film essay due 31 Oct.
And a french oral in 2 weeks time
And tonnes of french hmk due this week
And a stats lab assignment...
And i havent printed out all my unprinted lect notes. ARGH.

Panic. Panic. PANIC!!

Blast from the past

Its kinda funny, looking back at old photographs. The memories; "gosh, i was that fat?!" to "oh my gosh, im fatter now" to "what was i thinking wearing that?!" Ahh. Memories. Coincidentally, i wasnt the only one reminisicing about the Dunman days. haha. Briony, thank you so much for letting me read what i wrote 4 years ago...wow. I amaze myself. Cringe.
Here's what she blogged:

An autographed entry
Before I left Dunman secondary, I passed around an autograph book for my classmates to fill.I've decided to put up a particular entry because
1) It's flattering - to a certain extent
2) The person who wrote it reads my blog
3) The person has a sense of humour
4) I wanna prove a point to her.. I HAVEN'T LOST MY AUTOGRAPH BOOK. (Read on to understand the reason to my capitalised sentence.)

First page:WELCOME.....Foolish Mortal!Muah.. Ha..Ha...Enter at your OWN risk!!!Muah. Ha! Ha!*But remember.....Curiosity killed the cat!!Hahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahaha...................

2nd page:So I see.... I see you have not heeded my warning! Fine for thou shalt suffer a fate worse than any man can ever imagine..... to read a pathetic entry by the one called F***H THE GREAT! (suspense music) Ha! Ha! HA! Yes.... you bumbling moron.... you have started reading... the curse is initiated!!! (Suspense music again) Don't quiver now... it's too late... thou's impending doom awaits!!! (Music again..... Gawd, this is getting stupid.) What is thou mumbling under thou breath? Thou does not believe in the curse that has been passed down for a zillion years? Hohoho.... you foolish, foolish imbecile!! Just you wait and see.... you'd be honkering page after page... but it isn't you... it's your fingers, your brains that will control you!!!! Soon you'd be too absorbed by the entry that slowly... slowly..... ha! Ha! Ha! HA!........

3rd page:*A lot of words telling me that no curse actually exists*She then continues: I'm gonna use up a lot of pages. So sorry.. but den again.... who cares? I want yer to remember me so I must write a lot.... right? Oh well... here goes nothing....

4th page:*Adding her personal details and answering the questions that I posed at the start of the book*

Q: If you had a million, what would you do?
A: I'd buy Briony a big house..... as if! Nah I'm buy loads of stuff for everyone.

Q: What is the one thing that really angers you?
A: Hypocrisy, negligence, irresponsibility, selfishness.... I could go on forever. (Really)

Q: 1st thing you notice about the opposite sex?
A: The way he walks, talks, eyes, hair.... the whole package basically. (yep)

Q: Would you want me to design your wedding dress?
A: Yep I'd be glad to have you as my designer.... Free hor!

Q: Do you find yourself the smartest, most beautiful person in the world?
A: I AM A GENIUS.... really! Just need to bring that brain out of my arse. I AM ALSO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL LADY THAT EVER EXISTED.

Q: What is the one nightmare that haunts you day and night?
A: Not having any fun people to tok to. Being around pple who have absolutely no sense of humour. I'd die.

Q: Anything worth remembering?
A: Meeting Briony and tormenting her school life in class.

Q: If you were to meet your idol, how would you prepare?
A: I am my own idol, so I'm pretty prepared.

Q: If there's one thing you'd like to change about yourself, what would it be?
A: Nahuh..... I LOVE MYSELF too much.

Q: Would you dye your hair pink?
A: ARE YOU MAD? Perhaps in another country but here? Pple are too judgemental and besides, I might get arrested!

5th page:Ok..... So I'm not done yet.... I promise, this is the last page... I got to finish my homework anyway!! hey you know what? As I'm writing this I wonder if this book will ever be lost! I mean you're so forgetful, I won't be surprised if you lose this... you'd better not though!! I've put in a lot of effort just for you!!! Hmph!!!Dearest Briony... you smart, funny, clumsy, forgetful person... my dear dear friend/buddy. Thanks for making my life in 4A a real blast... you're so goofy(That's a compliment) and funny that sometimes I look forward to school to 'play' with you! Be it talking about world issues, feminism(Did we?), singing practically nonsense, poking, beating the crap outta each other juz coz we feel the itch to do it.... ok...ok... that's mainly me but you get the idea.... I don't wanna flatter you too much or else your ego will be twice the size of your butt! Talking about butts, I think you should stop worrying about it unless you're scared it'll fall off.... (huh?) well well... I hope we stay in touch with each other ... in fact we must! you're really one nice person a gal can talk with..... I mean serious issues here!! you can be a debater you know! Or a poilitcal correspondant for the Straits Times/Newsweek. blabla.... it's really mentally stimulating to have a conversation with you!! That's really great coz not many pple can connect with me and my odd sense of humour. Thanks for being patient with my annoying alter ego!! I hope we remain friends forever. Go call me.....

Oh yes!! Don't forget I'm supposed to be your maid of honour!! better remember. you promised!


(CRINGE....did i really write all that Briony?)

Handover!

Yes, yet another dinner by SWAPS. When i told my sis that i was gonna be having a handover dinner by SWAPS she went like "AGAIN??" Well, not really what......ok lah, granted, I have been attending quite a number of swaps events even though ive stepped down.

Hey, but last night was a free dinner at a vegetarian indian restaurant called the Ganges at Peninsular Plaza...so why not? Plus, the 19th com gave us really nice gifts: A tiny scroll of appreciation and this wooden frame, with a small mirror in its centre and with our names written below it, and a finger puppet attached to it. :) Thanks guys! Could really see the effort you guys put in! :)

I went home yesterday cos well, the others were thinking of clubbing. Haiya, clubbing just isnt my thing. Quite frankly, Im scared to even step into one....i guess its cos my dad kept drilling into my head the bads of going to clubs.So naturally, i'd think that only "budak jahat" would go, drink, dance and well, get into trouble. I mean, i know my friends who go clubbing arent "budak jahats" but still, i guess i just cant shake that mentality off. Besides, i mean, i dont drink. I dont dance. I cant stand loud music. And i dont know why but when i think of clubs, i think of dark, dingy places. Eek. Maybe one day, i might have a look but yeah, anyway, I firmly believe that there are better ways to have fun.

Besides, i think if i were to stay out later than 12, my dad will panic. Haha. :)

Cant believe term break ends today. Havent done ANYTHING productive. Ah well, i shall treat this as "Recharge Week". After all, ive been sleeping for about 10 hours a day. Such luxury. :) But still, im a bit perplexed. Why do i look so tired when im not? I mean, i was looking at the photos i took yesterday during the dinner. How come everyone else seemed so radiant and i look so darn dull and tired? Gargh. I look so worn out. When its soooo not true. Hmm. Maybe i need to exercise more or smt. Anyone has any brilliant idea????

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Something is terribly wrong with me.

I woke up this morn (ie 1/2 hour ago) thinking its DECEMBER.

What the heck? I felt bliss. Like theres nothing to do...

WHEN ITS MID SEM BREAK AND IVE GOT TONNES OF THINGS TO DO!!!

I think my body and mind's in denial.

Someone, jolt me. Awake me from this lie I live....i mean december??!

Wasted!!!!

Just got back from IMH (Institute of Mental Health) as part of my abnormal psychology module requirement. I must say, that when i first stepped into the compound, i was really impressed. The place looks like a resort...and it didnt have that icky clinical feeling most hospitals would. :)

Anyway, i just broke my fast. But im not happy. Cos its like less than 2 hours before the official "break fast" time...but i discovered that my fast couldnt be counted cos i just got my period. GARGH. What a waste!!!! Like 2 hours more lah.

Oh well. At least i know i can survive once Ramadan arrives yet again. Yup guys, the fasting month officially starts on either e 3rd or 4th of October so yeah, Farah and her muslim friends wouldnt be able to eat nor drink for one month. :)

So why was i fasting today? Cos i owe certain number of days..and i gotta pay em back before fasting month. Yeah...Hope i can repay em in time....

Alright..im gonna eat now.

Still, 2 hours more. What a waste.

I wanna dance too!

Dance Reflection was awesome. Simply fantastic. Better than i expected quite frankly..and i thoroughly enjoyed myself! I mean, i dont usually go for dance perfomances but wah. Damn nice.

Hey cheryl, saw you dancing for the first time! Never knew you were good! :) So so proud of you! All that effort really paid off. Yeah, dance synergy was great. I loved the lighting and all too. I think it was apt to put your item first and Dance blast last. So at least the audience feel alive before and alive at the end. And Dance Blast was good man (though i wonder how come they wear such little pieces of cloth). Dance ensemble not bad too...they did this whirling thingy that i thought was kinda cool.

I must say, after watching them dance, i have new found respect for dancers. Cant really explain why but ya. And heh, how come you all look so hot on stage??????? And how come the guys are like always clad in their undies? Hahahahahha....wah, those guys can really really shake it...Never knew NUS had so many good dancers.

Yeah, i was so inspired to join dance...when i realised that dancers are slim, lean, fit and all.....NOT. hahahhahah....my hopes revived when i saw one of the dancers (you know which cheryl). hahhahah. Still, i wouldnt want to be caught prancing on stage with relatively few clothing (definitely less than i would want to) So malu lah. I cant make it anyway. Two left feet. And a back problem.

You guys should have watched dance reflections man. :)

BREAK!! wohoooo!

Its mid-sem break like finally!

Been a hectic week so yea, didnt blog...couldnt afford to cos i had so much work/datelines...

Phew.

Nice hot saturday. Am gg to watch Cheryl perform later at 7.30pm.

I think im gonna get ready soon.

:)

Yesterdays' post cos i got d/c

Wheeeeeeeeekend! Finally. Ahh...

Had an eventful day today. Had our stats project group meeting and im pretty impressed that we got to the crunch pretty quick. Progress! Ahh. :)

Then received a compliment. Apparently, Elaine wants to dress like me cos she claims I look smart. hahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahaha...thanks justina for relaying this to me... Yes, yes, my inflated ego..hahhaha...though Kim was rather startled by it. She thinks red is retro. Like huh? Hahhaha.

Then, i started on my stats hmk 2 which is due next fri. I havent completed it but hey, at least ive started.

Then i embarked on my first task as a journalist for The Ridge. We're doing a expose(ex-po-say..i cant seem to find the accent. Gargh) on the various coffee houses on campus. So armed with our media passes, we (me and clara, this year 1 law student) literally WALKED around campus in search of the best coffee available to deprived caffeine addicts in the guise of a student. (Eugene and yunxian..thats you) Hahaha...wont tell you our findings..look out for it in The Ridge (provided it meets the editor's standard). I must say, i thoroughly enjoyed myself...i mean we got free coffee, no questions asked when we showed our Press passes. The perks of being a journalist eh?

Oh ya, next time youre at clementi mrt station, watch out for dropping lizards. Shudders.

Yesterday was 3 months. Had dinner..watched Marche de L'empereur. Nice shows.....Baby penguins are soooo cute. I want one. hahaha....

I got a pretty plush flower! Thanks nudgie :)

Wed's whine.

Research Qn: Does mood experienced in the morning affect your mood later in the day?

Hypothesis: Mood experienced in the first few hours of consciousness would determine mood for the rest of the day.

Confounds: I have no idea..one too many.

Basis for research: Im (henceforth subject) in the mood for some catharsis (is that how you spell it)

First and foremost, subject reports feeling irritable on the journey to school.We are now going to follow subjects' emotional levels of the day.

Subject reports that her mood in the morning was sparked off by an unreplied sms. She also arrived in the lecture theatre early and sat alone. Subject reported feeling dejected. Subject's mood altered drastically to become positive when she realised her friend had not received her sms and when her friends sat beside her. Subject reports tendency to feel lonely when not surrounded by people. Condition is certified mild.

Subject's mood elevated futher upon intake of food. After completing a meeting with her CCA as a journalist, subject attempted to read her notes. She reports a lack of concentration and increasing irritability again when she wasnt able to absorb what she read.

Subject reports being able to smoother/placate her anger/irritability by focusing her energy on the fact that she was going to go out with someone later in the day.

Subject reports that by this time of the day, around 3pm, her mood was normal. She displayed chatty self. Around 3+, she reports her mood became negative. She felt disappointed that what she had been looking forward to the whole day (even the day before) didnt materialise due to unforseen circumstances. She reports trying to reason her emotions and rationalise that the other party shouldnt be at fault. Subject reports an inner conflict of emotions. She wants her friend to be happy yet at the same time, she felt upset that her friend was enjoying self. Upon feeling upset, her guilt set in. She felt guilty for being upset that her friend was happy. She reports feeling lousy and selfish. Self esteem plundered.

Subject tried to study as she had brought along a heavy bag filled with books. She went to the central library alone for two hours yet could not focus at all. Subject felt frustrated and wanted to scream as she had wasted yet another day. Monday was too tiring for her to study. Tuesday was burnt. Now wednesday. Subject kept thinking of upcoming datelines and reports feeling very anxious.

Subject decided to go home with friends. Subject reported having mood elevated again due to her chatty friends who unknowingly cheered her up. Food intake was also reported.

Subject reported feeling throbbing temples on her journey home alone. The bus was late and she felt powerless as precious minutes slips by her. She attributes this headache not to physical but mental concerns.

Subject feels better after typing this report.

Conclusion: The hypothesis that mood experienced in the first few hours of consciousness would determine mood for the rest of the day is not true. Subject experienced a myriad of emotions. Interestingly, mood at beginning of the day and at the end were identical. To do a follow up test? Perhaps. Also, note that subject have not had a good sleep record over the past few days. Irritability could hence be attributed to this. Subject is diagnosed with mild case of anxiety and needs to be around people.

Subject is tired but feels that she has to do a lot of work or she would not catch up.

Or, subject should get a good night's sleep and resume studying in a clear frame of mind.


DISCLAIMER: this "experiment" is purely based on my life. I have mixed stats and abnormal psych togther.This IS NOT how one should write a proper stats report nor abnormal psych report.

My monday.

Okay, kinda had a jam packed day actually. Didnt notice it until i reflected a little about what i did today.

Had french lecture this morn from 10-12.....i FINALLY understand how you differentiate the form l'imperatif from conditionelle present. Sheesh. Its actually the verb, conjugated the way one usually does for futur tense, and then add an "i" between certain letters. Yay.

Then, had a meeting with my fellow Lifestyle writers and Im gonna be covering a story on where to get the best coffee on campus! Its gonna be interesting..will be sampling coffee on wed before SS lect (how apt) Speaking of SS, im way behind in the readings. The sub editor (henceforth boss) kinda gave us a low down on our jobscope..so far so good. :)

Anyway, then had stats tutorial from 2-4pm and bleaurgh. I felt incredibly dumb...and im STILL confused between main effect, interaction and simple main effect and when to employ which. And i noticed something...there's 2 IVs right? Then how come during tut he kept mentioning smt about DV...where's the DV on our graphs?? HUH?!!!
Speaking of stats, im so so worried cos the proposal is due on wed...and the only time all 5 members can come together would be fri..gosh.

Film and history was at 4pm....watched Memento.Great show. You guys should watch it. I found it kinda disturbing..I shall save the review for my discussion forum. No need to replicate stuff eh?. Then i got back my first film essay..that i devoted so much time on..and i must say..it paid off :) :) :) Yay!!! Alhamdulillah. :)

Then after film, SWAPS had a birthday celebration for the Sept babies! Happy bdae, Justina, liangcai and joanna! :) And kudos to Linyen and Suteck and whoever organised the party! Was great! Steamboat and all..

And im so proud of myself..i didnt eat the chocolate banana cake everyone insisted was darn nice! Heehhehe (pat self on back)

Realise next week is the week of DEADLINES.
Mon=French test 1 and article for Ridge
Wed= stats 2 proposal
Fri= Film project 2 and stats hmk 2.

Oh dear. oh dear. oh dear.

And whoa...am tired..came home at ard 10.45pm..havent been home this late from school much these days..wonder how i did it last sem. Or was it the sem before? Madness. Ah well, i shall not sleep till i get some work/reading done..abnormal psych...maybe i shall read myself to sleep...but the book is darn heavy. Ah well, shall see how.

oh yes, run i did.

Went running with my darling to pasir ris park last night. Thought i did horribly but he kept insisting I was running ok. How I love him! Hahhaha :)

Yup. Well, at least i got off my butt and ran so im proud of myself. Yay. (applause please)

And im going on a chocolate fast. Shall not be consuming anything chocolate till my bro's birthday. Ive been snacking too much. Oh, but Kit kat chunky peanut butter is simply delicious.

Argh. its gonna be a hectic week too. Im already behind in class and im frantically trying to catch up. Can. CAN DO!

Must stay positive...and i must say, after that run yesterday, i feel that i can focus better.
So exercise IS good for your mental health too :)

Keep me away from chocolates!

Advertisement for a friend

Alright to all you people who simply love watching dance performances or who have never been to one or who simply have nothing to do over the weekend!

Do come down for Dance Reflection at NUS UCC (university cultural centre), on the 16th or 17th Sept, 7.30 pm. Tix are sold at $10,12 or 15 each. I reckon you can get you tix from Cheryl Lee...or you can tell me then i'll relay it to her..otherwise, you could also try SISTIC.

Acc to cheryl, DR is a collaboration of 6 dance groups-chinese dance, dance blast, dance synergy, ilsa tari and indian dance. Yup.

So come if you want :)


PS: cheryl, am i gonna get paid for this online ad? hahha :)

Thoughts..insecurities..

Am i really ready? Am i doing things right? Am i doing my part?

How do i make sure my relationship last? Have i been doing the right thing? Am i a gd gf? Ive asked friends for advice and in sum, they've told me to

1) Give him space
2) compromise, give and take
3) be patient
4) communicate
5) be understanding
6) not think of the end cos if you keep thinking it, it will come
7) relish every moment

Dont get me wrong, things are going on splendidly.Ive asked him about it and he keeps saying how he's never been more happy and bla bla bla but im beginning to wonder if he can tolerate my crap in the long run. Quite frankly, i dont think ive been fulfilling the above. I mean, i feel sometimes that i take too much....but i cant help it. How do i give? How?? I want to but i dont know how. Or am i already doing it? He hasnt been giving me any negative feedback..so is that good? Am i thinking too much? I so do not wanna screw this up...

My friend sums it up the best....

He said that certain times we hope a lot for something but dont receive it in a way we want it to be, then we get disappointed and take things out at each other.shit happens...
but at the end of the day...must communicate,talk and be transparent abt each other's feelings....

Oh dear lord. How? I concede, i am like that! I cant help it...ive been like that since young! Even my mom said so. She said that whenever she takes me out and when i see something i like and want, i would kick up a fuss if i dont get it. The thing is, i dont kick up a fuss (ie cry) but i think im an emotional bully. I hang my head down in shame. Its true. I think i am. I am a self centred person!

I have no idea why im typing all this at 1.30 in the morning.

No, im not insomniac. Am concurrently chatting with Winston, farhana and nadeem..mini sec 4A gathering! :)

Friday!! At long last!

Amazingly, I managed to pluck up enough courage to submit my stats hmk. Cant believe i've been fretting over it for days when its only homework. Fine, homework that will cost me 5 marks out of my total marks for exams. Whatever. Its done. I think i did my best. Thank you Justina for submitting it for me today cos its my FREE day! Wheee~ Weekends are here at last!!

Met up with Adeline, Jeannie, Xiaowen, Nirwan and later Melinda on Wednesday. Had a yummy dinner but i had to leave early cos i had datelines. Bah. I miss 02a53 sooooooo much. In fact, if you guys are reading this, I've already asked Ms goh if she's available next week to meet up before ade leaves. She said she'll try her best so yea. It would be great if we could get the whole class down or something...How's next Wed? 7th Sept? or even sat 10th sept? I guess it all depends on when ade is free right? I havent met up with amy, ave, joyce, alina and susian and angela and vemalan and chris and kit and norman and ian and huiboon(where is huiboon anyway?) for a long time leh..I miss all of you!

Oh yeah, I went for an interview to be a journalist for one of the NUS publication and I got in. It's called The Ridge and Im gonna be writing for the Lifestyle section. Why did i decide to join in? Cos ive never really been behind the scenes of any publication..so im hoping this would be an eye opening experience..exposure to journalism perhaps? I just hope I dont suck at it. Haha.

I am so so so so so proud of my darling. He's had a great week! And the thing is, he's been so humble about it and all..i guess i'll be the one who has to blow the trumpet for him! What? Im just so so so proud of him!! He got gold for his IPPT right? Then he came in 2nd in his entire company (or is it platoon? whats e diff) for the obstacle course thingy...then his platoon (or company..again, whats the diff) got 3rd place for some drill competition....and he's one of 4 recruits nominated for some award to be given out to the best recruit or smt like that! :) I hope he wins. hehe..

Oh yeah, he's booking out early tmr (8am), passing out on tues and then he'll be free for the next 2 weeks or so till he gets his posting! :) :) :)

stinky!

Sat beside a stinky ah pek on the MRT. I know i know..its not nice to say such things but its true!!!!! My goodness! I was suffering! I mean he squeezed into this seat beside me and somehow manage to "dominate" and sandwich me against the other person to my left. YUCK. He just smells lah. Thank goodness he alighted at outram park. My gosh. Im soo gonna scrub myself. Call me obsessive compulsive. Like i care. Then again, i too, might stink. I mean stinking is a very weird thing. You'll never be aware that you stink unless someone tells you..its like youre too immersed in your scent that you dont notice. Heh, perhaps that ah pek thought I stink.
Ah well. stinkiness is in the nose of the be-smeller.

In any case, discovered that one of my friends' dropping out from school. I was like lost for words when i called her to ask if she was saving a seat for me for Film N hist lect...then she said that she wasnt coming and i was like why? and then she dropped the bombshell. Whoa. Didnt know what to say....i heard that she's been thru a lot..whatever it is, i just hope she's happier.

I need to buck up. Need to start mugging. Perhaps i should retreat to the lib? Nah, i think not. I mean, now that i end classses kinda early.. mostly 4pm except mon when i end at abt 7 and fris cos im off....there isnt a need to mug in school...this sem, im gonna try studying at home.

TRY. geddit? hahha

and my darling is POP-ing next tues!! yay!! Im kinda happy....cos he's gonna be like off for 2 weeks or smt...but...er...im also kinda worried....cos i'll be having school and well, face it, he'll distract me!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!! I'd wanna be with him all the time because i know i can! Boo.
Must have self-discipline! Anyway, he got gold for IPPT today..so proud of him (mental note to self: start running farah, you lazy bum...)

Oooh, finally back in contact with one of my best guy friends :) Hello winstonne!! (waves excitedly) hehhehehe. Blanja me!!

Sarcastic or what? Tsk tsk

My gosh...i was reading the student events bulletins on IVLE (for non NUS students, its kinda like an intranet system and all the students modules and bla bla bla are there....) and i chanced upon something really interesting...such audacity on the part of that student!!!

Student Events
Event Title:
Free Bookbags, Jackets, Accessories...etc
Organizer:
Michael Hendricks
Description:
Over the next week, kindhearted NUS students will be donating their possessions to whoever wants them! Just visit any canteen during peak lunch hours. The student donors will leave bookbags and other personal belongings on unoccupied tables. These items are free for anyone to take! After taking something, leave promptly to allow others a chance to play the canteen "lucky dip."
Date/Time:
Every Monday to Friday 11:30am-1:00pm
Venue:
Arts, Business, Science, and Engineering Canteens
Price:
FREE!

I mean, dude, isnt it wrong for you to posts things like that? Im amazed the peeps in charge of IVLE events posting hasnt done anything! I mean, its kinda funny lah..cos its true, students tend to leave their bags on the chairs...but thats cos theyre Q-ing up for food what!!! But i do fine it kinda insulting to emphasise FREE...like youre making fun of us and generalising the kiasu mentality to the entire student population! Not happy ah? Go HOME lor.

Sheesh. To think i really thought theyre was gonna be like a garage sale or something. Feel so cheated.

Beautiful evening

So nice and breezy yet sunny at the same time...ahhh...

Slept till nearly 1pm today cos i was up last night tweeking my film N hist essay. Honestly, I think i put too much time into this. Realise that if i keep at this, i wont have time for my other modules. Im already behind in psych and ss..and im abt to lag in french if i dont do something! Can you believe in 2 weeks time, i'll be having mid sem break already? know what that means? My finals are coming up!!! So scary. (Nervous laughter)

But alas, its such a nice evening to do anything...wanted to jog but oh, the inertia...and my back problem. Why aggravate it? I'll go tmr...

Oh darn. I cant..cos ive got internal elections till evening and then i'll be meeting my darling (finally) ..hmm. Guess i'll jog tmr morn then? Heh, IF i can wake up. Hahhah...or evening?

Whatever lah. I'll run when i want to!

:)

PS: i think my student is getting smarter than me. Darn. stress.

A mon avis..(in my opinion)

And the title for discussion today is, "what do you do when someone stands up for you and now both are getting attacked by people?"

Ade, ive decided to post it instead cos i highly doubt my tag board would be sufficient. But i do have to say that since i dont really know much about your situation, my advice would be rather general...okie?

I guess, first things first. You've gotta take a step back and evaluate what you're standing up for in the first place that you're being attacked by people. Is it unfounded? Or could there be some truth?

Next, ask yourself, is it worth it to drag the other party, presumably your friend, into it?

I guess if both of you are definitely sure about whatever it is that you guys are for, then i guess you could both seek support from each other....

I mean, its best to resolve issues cordially (ie with the ppl attacking you)...im really running on nothing here cos i dont know whats going on...yeah..

I hope ive helped someway or the other..if there's anything i can do, im here okie :)

A tribute to SWAPS 18th exco

As i stepped down today, a few hours ago, I was filled with mixed emotions. I was partly glad that my term has finally come to a close yet at the same time, I couldnt help feeling sad.....

I remember exactly one year ago, i was a wide-eyed freshie...filled with hopes of joining this wonderful swaps family...plus, i knew most of the ppl running..it would be fun! And, i mean ive been in leadership positions before..no sweat.... :)

But then, as time went on, and particularly in sem 2, at times, i wondered and cursed myself for running without even considering what i was getting myself into..what, with all the workload of school, family and then the pressure i exerted on myself..my expectations...

I used to think i was a great leader....a strong one at that...but serving my term, i realise now that i have my faults. My flaws...and the realisation was not something i could swallow easily....

Bitter bitter that i shamefully admit to shunning the table....i guess i was burnt out. And as the society got into heavy discussions about the future of swaps, i wasnt really into it anymore...

But then, i guess like everything else, things start to get sweet again....bittersweet...the strong feelings i had for swaps burned yet again...and during the AGM, i could feel my passion gushing thru my veins. Esp when we sorta came under attack...

In any case, as i reflected on what we have accomplised, after looking at our annual report, i realised that the 18th exco really have done a lot....great work guys. :)

I would like, as my title for this post imply, to say a few mentions about each member of the exco....

Gene: (president) Thank you so much, gene, for everything...for being a wonderful and admirable leader...and a friend...you were the first swaps and uni friend i made and you were my OGL!! Same group in absolut also... :) youre like a big brother.

Zhisheng: (V.P psych) Wah...i was so scared/intimidated by you man...thank you so much for your guidance over the acads cell....and i realise that you can be really funny (sometimes lame) too! :) But i guess one thing i really admire about you is that you have a strong sense of direction and purpose...i guess thats something that i could pick up on!

Jean: (VP Sw) Hmm, i didnt really work with you much..but i guess i'll be seeing you in film/hist lects! :) And im so happy for you! :)

Eugene: (hon gen sec) Know what dude? You are one heck of a guy. Yihan is so lucky to have you man! Youre like the bench mark of a guy a girl should bring home! hahahah...youre my gal pal too! :) Its been so nice talking/bitching with you. I must say, you were my rock when things were icky and bleaky back last sem. I thank you with all my heart...and yes, i still want your brain. :)

Xiaoyan: (asst hon gen sec) Girl....cant believed i screamed at you last sem. Oh man. (slaps own forehead) Thank you for being motherly to all of us! :)

Su teck: (treasurer) Haha...still remember that nobody contested you for the post of treasurer! Haha...susu..aka Mr nice guy with a superbly nice voice! And youre like so so patient lah! Must learn from you!

Shaun One: (fellow acads dir) Wow...its been great working with you...know what? you do have a funny bone after all!

Kim: (biz dir) fellow treven mate..and bimbo who's actually rather smart! Kim is so nice and fun to be with... HUGS!!!!!!!!!! oh yar..been meaning to ask you if your hair has less colour now than last time...is it??

Charmaine: (biz dir) You are darn funny lah...i dunno why im smiling to myself now.. :) You, kim and weilan are scary to play truth/dare with man...so er..creative!

Swee giang:(biz dir) Loud. Honestly...that was e first word that comes to mind...okay..and bubbly too!!! And you make really funny comments during meetings...

Shaun Goh(welfare dir) BURP.

Linyen (welfare) Superwoman....i honestly meant what i said in your bdae card! :)

Chingyong (welfare) Ahh...mon ami! Tu est tres tres magnifique! Merci beaucoup pour m'aider quand j'ai des problem de francais! It cracks me up when ppl tell me youre like a casa nova in swaps! hahhah

Julaina(publicity) Thanks for being my singing partner..remember last year? we both realised we couldnt sing and swore never to go KTV again? hahhaha.....

Justina(publicity) wah....i can write a long one for you...we've gotten closer over the year huh? Thank you so much for being here for me...thank you so much girl.. :)

Peiling (advisor) I dont personally know you but something about you is simply inspiring...i cant put my finger on it...something.

Joanna (advisor) Heyy..fellow A53er! hahah...youre one heckuva sweet girl...and thank you so much...without you, i wouldnt have my monthly income from tuition! hhehehe...

Once again, thank you 18th exco, for the memories!

This isnt goodbye or anything.....seeya ard the swaps table okie???

BIG HUG!

PS: Thank you cheryl lee and melinda for coming down..it meant a lot to me.. HUG!
And thank you cheryl nott for your touching speech....good luck in your 19th com position! :)

Yes.....so it is complete

My timetable's for the sem is finally done! Wohoo! I got all e tutorial slots i want!

And and and....Im officially gonna step down from SWAPS 18th exco tomorrow.

And and and....I bought all my books!!

And and and...a certain someone will be back......

And and and....my butt still aches..and its been since the DnD! Pema thinks its a lower back pain..oh dear. NOt again. Must maintain good posture!

And and and....Im gonna visit my grandma...

And and and...

(argh su teck is here and he wants to use this laptop now....ok ok ok)

cant believe it!

I STILL cant log in to Cors!!! What is wrong with you people? This has never happened before! They've even extended the balloting till tmr 9pm!!!! Must be you freshies. Must be.

I cant believe i wasted an entire day fretting over my tutorial balloting........its like e page keeps hanging! Worse thing is that my modem is down and hence the network im tapping into is highly unpredictable....gosh....must get someone to ballot for me soon....that is, if they can get in, in the first place.

Please.........i want my tutorial slot......

:(

Balloting and stuff~

I do not like CORS. I have till 5pm to ballot for my tutorials......at this rate....hmm....

Anyway, with regards to the last post, well i guess its too bad for both of us, you know, the way i interpreted yesterday's incident. I can always say that I regret posting it...and bla bla bla...and feel all guilty for being so over sensitive and i even considered deleting the entire post cos i felt embarrassed. But come on, its not my fault i felt that way. It just happens that i felt like that. Im only human. Like i said, i guess its just too bad.

Thank you so much for your email, A. At least we both know how the other party feels about what happened.And i take great comfort in knowing that it wasnt intentional.

The incident is over and done with...and i hope that we can put this behind us.
I do want things to be cordial between us...and i guess, you know, that it'll be funny the next time i see you...which will be in a few hours time. Its gonna be weird.

And regarding textbooks/readings.....its nothing to do with you lar....its just that im inherently selfish when it comes to lending books. I admit it! It doesnt matter who it is.....i just have this fear that something will happen to my book....or that when i suddenly need the book for some reason, i'd discover that "shucks, its not with me"......Thats why i kept telling my friends who wanted to borrow my books to get their own...i mean particularly if youre gonna major in that subject! Why scringe? Its an investment.. hahha...Im willing to lend my excessively annotated book to you...after all, you only need it before you get yours. :)

Grumble grumble toil and whatever

What a nice sunny day. And im home from school! Feels great to be home early. Konked out when i came back yesterday after class.

Anyway, am feeling pretty down cos of a particular incident this morning. The following scene involves three people, me, A and B. Lets just say, for purposes of anonymity( how do you spell that darn word), that we've been friends for quite some time.

So after a particular lecture, I decided to ask A, who was sitting beside me, where she was headed too. Simply out of common courtesy. Maybe its just me but I do like to ask people like "oh hey, glad lects over...where you guys headed to?". Its not like im asking because i intend to join but you know..just for conversational purposes and stuff. But the reaction i got from these 2 people not only hurt me, but left me feeling so patronised and insulted. Hadnt felt that for a long time. But it hurt.

So here's MY interpretation of what happened.

Me: So where are you headed to, A?
A: Oh, im meeting a junior for lunch.
Me: Oh ok! Im like done for the day. (smile)
Me: So B, where are you headed to now?
B: Now? As in now? (looking absurdly flustered as if my qn was a trick qn. which kinda triggered my huh-whats- gg-on button)
Me: Yar... (feeling like something's up..and i knew what it was...but am seriously hurt that i was being patronised)
B: Im having lunch with A. (with a pained expression, full of pity for me)
Me: You mean A and her junior? (i mean how come A conveniently left the fact that B was gonna be with her????)
B: Yar.

I was like okay....I mean, quite frankly, i dont give a damn about not having lunch with you guys. I really dont. Its just that you guys seem to be hiding it from me. Why? It hurts me even more that you cant even be frank with me. You patronise and belittle me like as if i'd be crushed that i wasnt invited. I honestly wouldnt be. Im crushed now, however, that you guys seem to deliberately try to cover up.....
Worse, B tried to "mend" things by gg to the co-op with me. Oh whatever

SHEESH.

I once said to A that if i was ever mad at her, id tell her. But know what? I dont think so. Not this time. Cos im not angry. Im hurt and disappointed.

I hope the two of you are reading this. Call me a coward but id rather have you chance upon this than me having to face you and tell you how i feel because i know that the next time i do see you guys, i would have forgotten this myriad of negative emotions that im feeling now.


And for God's sake, learn from this, fellow blog readers. Its not nice to hurt people's feeling by excluding them.....i mean you can if you want lah...but if you wanna cover it up, at least take some lessons in doing it tactfully.

Thanks.

Food

What a boring sunday. Am quite annoyed the Eng lang department hasnt replied my email i sent to query about their minor programme. I sent in on Friday afternoon. Oh wait, NUS has a 5-day week right? Hmm. No wonder. I shall wait till Monday.

Its lunch time but there is nothing to eat. Unless you consider instant noodles and some frozen food in the fridge. I've realised lately, that my mother doesnt cook anymore. I mean, 10 years ago, she would cook everyday, without fail. She would even lament that she didnt know which dish to cook but she cooked nonetheless, even if she had to rush off to work.

These days, however, she doesnt cook. Ive narrowed it down to 2 reasons.

1) Age. My mom still works and does the laundry. Perhaps she's too tired to cook.

2) She gave up cooking cos there was always left-overs. After all, since my siblings started working and I, myself, having a tiny income of my own, we eat out for lunch and sometimes dinner cos we either work or am at school late.

And yes, I'm guilty of eating out even when she cooks simply because i can. Years ago, we couldnt afford to eat out or buy food from outside. It was a once in a bluemoon luxury. I remember, when we were younger, my mom would feed us plain rice, mixed with margarine and soy sauce, in our humble flat in bedok north. Humble humble beginnings. And i would always envy the other kids who could get their little happy meal packages and eat at fast food outlets almost every week.

Now, we can. And so i guess, ive been catching up on my end.

Throughout secondary school (especially in sec sch) and jc, i hardly ate out. It was too darn expensive. Even eating at pizza hut was a WOW. Dont even mention places like pasta mania, fish N co, swensons, or the likes of that. I would have never have heard of nor ventured into those places as regularly as i do now. Splurging over $2 for any meal was pure stupidity. Maybe it still is.

Snack wise, my siblings and i were absolutely contented with the occassional 30 cents twisties, pac man, chickadees, 10 cents bee bee snack...we hardly had marks and spencer biscuits (as we occassionally do now) or ice cream at certain ice cream parlours. We were contented with Walls ice-cream...and if we had the luxury, we would by the 2 litres Nepolitan ice cream for $4.64 that would last us for a week. Eating a Cornetto(how do you spell it) was another WOW.

Then there's the fact that my pocket money all the way to JC was not as much(read=INSANELY A LOT) as most of my peers. Some people i know get the same amount of money in a week that i get in a MONTH. Amazing.And yet, some of my friends didnt even get pocket money. One of my best friends had to deal with less than $1 a day, and that was if she was lucky. I still remember her rumaging through the front pocket of her back for change. And that is why, even then, i found myself so blessed with what i already had.

In any case, it brings me to this point. I guess, after having tasted luxury, I realise how much i miss my mom's dishes. I mean, im sick of outside food. Now, when i hang out with my friends, i cant decide where to eat. Im just tired of everything.

It is only now, that i truly believe, that homecook food is the best...it reminds you of a whole lot of things...about who you are and where you came from.Though she would never ever cook nasi mentega kicap again,(literally rice, margarine and soy sauce), the korma, kuah soup and rendang now, still tastes as good as they did years and years ago. And eating at home, would be like eating humble pie, but ironically, i now treat eating at home a luxury.

And so, from now onwards, if my mom cooks, i would, as much as i can, come home to eat. And perhaps i should resume my cooking lessons with my nenek. Its been a long time since i learnt new dishes. :)

One week

I can do this. I can do this.....yes, i can.

Its just one whole week with absolutely no contact with him whatsoever....argh!!

Oh come on, farah, be a..er, well, i cant say man...so...be..not so pathetic lar. I mean its just 7 more days...it'll be good..you'll be able to settle down in school proper.

Its just ONE week..

My poor Najib...Out in the jungle, doing whatever, probably freezing at night.

One week will fly by real quickly im sure...with lessons and all...

Still, I miss him. Boo. :(

Ah yes, about school.

Lectures have started. I cant really say started full-swing though. Most of them are just introductory lectures about what to expect in the module, et cetera.

Had an panic attack on wed. My mind kept churning about all the things i gotta do....its hard to explain and i honestly would prefer to just mention about it and not elaborate. Too lazy to type. Haha. oh yea, i had a pop quiz during my first stats 2 lect. What an ego-bursting-joy-killer it was. Didnt help that people were already mugging in the central library and looking for books like they have term papers due the next day.

Met my new french lecturer yesterday. I think im gonna be enjoying french this semester. I guess the new textbook kinda seems a whole lot more interesting..and the lecturer does seem like an approachable guy.

Had a SWAPS meeting yesterday too. Kinda sombre, as the society's fate..ah you all know....But it was when Gene retorted to someone's query about what will happen to the societies (one for SW and the other for Psy) are not able to sustain itself....that, well, i felt so sad....he said something to the effect that "then they die....if a society is meant to survive, it will...if there's a need for one in future, eventually someone would rise upon the task to revive it.....people will only appreciate something when its gone".....

In any case, to all those psych/sw majors, and members, there will be an ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING ON FRIDAY, 19th AUGUST, LT14 at 6.30pm. Please, do turn up for the voting is ultimately important in deciding the fate of SWAPS.

Also, yesterday was a bleurgh day as "i was having doubts", to quote Prendy. I was and I reckon am still worried about whether Im choosing the right major, whether i should consider a minor in english/lit to increase my employability, IF i still can afford to take a minor to begin with, whether i have the mettle to do honours in psych as NUS psych honour prog is research/stats based.

And the realisation that if i dont make a decision soon, i might graduate, and find myself unemployed because of 3 very real reasons.

1) i am an arts graduate
2) i am female
3) i am of a minority race ( this saddens me so much....but it is true...one must be realistic..ive been at the receiving end of this. which is why, i am relishing every moment as a student...so sheltered.)

But, i know, there's hope. There are ways i can curb this.

1) Do my honours and do the best i can
2) Take a minor (God, i dunno if its not too late)
3) Upon completing French, pick up Mandarin officially and not from friends alone.
4) Build my resume..how? Im still working on it
5) Start searching for a job by the time i reach year 3 sem 1.

It seems like a tall order, honestly. Particularly the first point. I have no idea if plan no. 1 will be thwarted or not. I guess my list is the most idealistic i've come up with to date. But hey, you never know.

Someone told me never to look too far before you leap...or you might fall. I guess, its true what some of my friends told me...to take life a step at a time. And i will. But i always believe that you gotta at least know where youre heading towards.

There's a malay saying that goes something like "manusia boleh berancang..tapi Tuhan yang menentukan" or something like that.

"Man can only plan, but only God has the power to make it or not make it happen"

I love Singapore

Guess who came rolling in along Avenue 9 at 10pm this evening? The tanks, and all the other military vehicles from the Padang...and my gosh...the usually quiet streets where I live came bursting with life. The atmosphere was fantastic, as i looked out my window...and i felt like overwhelming feeling....pride...for my country....

Families gathered by the road, while their children jumped and screamed and squeeled in utter delight at the waving soldiers.....Vehicle after vehicle...the kids kept cheering...and the soldiers, obviously high with all the attention waved back...some even shouted in excitement.

So cool! I like this idea of bringing the celebrations to the heartland. Memorable.

Gosh, dont you just love this country? Safe, secure...i could go on and on..but i shant.

I love my country. Im proud to be a citizen, born and bred. That's all i need to say. The rest is understood.

Happy 40th Birthday singapore... my home.

Summer of '05

" Oh when I look back now
That summer seemed to last forever
And if I had the choice
Yeah I'd always wanna be there
Those were the best days of my life
Back in the summer of '69" - Bryan Adams

Hmm. I have no idea why, but that song immedietly played in my mind as i thought of a title entry to sum up how my 3 month vacation had been like. And I dont necessarily know if this "summer" vacation has been the best days of my life..but i know it would be one of the best. :)

I mean, whoa. So much has happened within this period...

I went to Egypt!! -I still cant believe I actually did! That experience will forever be in my heart. My first voyage overseas and on a plane. Experiencing a whole different culture. One rich and so powerful. Majestic.

FOC- Something the whole swaps com was involved in. Wrapping up the publicity and all..wasnt the most enjoyable haha since i injured my back..but im glad it was a success for the rest.

Injuries and maladies- Fell sick.Again and again. Injured self. Ahh, realised that i am truly human.

Tioman- Had a beach getaway. Nicely burnt. Learnt to thread water :) so i can decently say that i can swim. Had a perilous journey on the boat back to Mersing..realised how small and insignificant i can be when thrust at the mercy of the wide sea. And how faith in Allah can keep me calm and safe.

Family- Went travelling with my bro and mom and later with my dad and sis....i am one lucky girl! Watched my siblings graduate...and got so inspired by them to start studying. I love my family. :)

Friends- Went out with friends, past and present. Shopping, hanging out by the pool...movies...lunches, dinners...even MSN! Thanks guys..My hols wouldnt be the same without you..

Love- And of course, a certain someone. One of the reasons why i wont forget this hols. Its been only 2 months as of today...but i pray, there'll be many more to come.

And so, as today marks the onset of a new semester, i guess this entry would serve as a reminder to myself....that in my darkest moment (most likely mid-sem cos thats where all the deadlines are), there will always be a place i can return to. Though only memories, it would serve as an affirmation that things can be nice and happy....all i need is to take a pause....and return to the Summer of 2005.

Snippets of my day

Im all showered and feeling so comfortable now :) Nice night breeze blowing through my window...ahh..

Just came back from SWAPS' Dinner and Dance 2005. Am kinda tired and my butt is seriouly aching from sitting down at the table for too long. Im not joking. It really really hurts...OUCH. Its like ive sat on a bike for too long or smt. Damn seats.

Food was yummy. I had tandoori chicken among others. Was definitely better than the food during my JC prom at the Ritz. And this coming from a rather obsure hotel somewhere in little india! haha. Had my bro pick me up after the entire affair.

Sat with justina, yunxian and julaina and two other guys who with liangcai and yao tong were in and out doing their thing. Hmm.

Yup. Took photos here. Took photos there. Realised that some people really look good with make up on. Im NOT one of them. I mean some girls, like Lin Yen (who i must add, looked stunning tonight) are normally the plain jane sorta girls..but when they dress up, Whoa.
I, on the other hand, look terrible. I mean look at my makeover pics earlier this year. Yuck. So its not a matter of skill in applying make up at all. Its just me. I am better off without it.

Oh yea, i CUT MY HAIR!! Its like the length of my hair when..umm..when i was 16 i think. Or was it JC2? yup. Just above shoulder. Ah well. I guess i'll grow to like it. It will grow eventually anyway! At least my head feels lighter :)

Ouch..just shifted in my seat and boy, does my butt hurt. How am i gonna survive lectures?

Modules and stuff

Good morning.....Im up early today...strange dream...

Was supposed to be watching some movie but ended up doing some maths questions with the popcorn seller outside.

Anyway, it's all settled. Ive got 5 modules for this semester...

1) French 3 on Mons and Thurs from 10-12pm
2) Film and History on Mons from 4-8pm
3) Abnormal Psychology on Tuesdays from 10-12pm
4) Statistics 2 on wed 8-10am
5) Singapore Society on Wed 2-4pm

~AND FRIDAYS OFF~ (but lets wait till tutorial balloting's over before i celebrate)

Discovered yesterday that all this while, i've not been connected to my home network. Hahahahhahahahahaha...thats why my connection had been rather bad and i kept getting d/c. Hahhahaahahha.

Najib's gone MIA. probably rolling around in the mud and digging trenches or whatever. Oh well..he'll be out on national days' eve......when my lessons resume. hahha.
*corrections:he just msged me so technically, he's not MIA anymore.*

Going to have lunch with Ade later. Havent seen her since New Years' Day. Hmm. Wonder if 02a53 could work out a class outing before she leaves.

Thump thump thump

Wah...headache. Literally and figuratively.

What a super long day...and the bidding has not ended yet. Bidding as i type this. Stupid cors system.

Had to decide whether it was wise enough to cling on to women's health module..and realised that it isnt worth it. I mean, min bid is a whopping 1001!! That is simply INSANE.
I might end up with only four modules...Instead, im gonna go ahead with SS and another gem, this time its Film and History. I have a feeling its hard and time consuming but...i think i can manage..i will make myself manage! Its a 4 hour lecture (with movie time included), no final exams, no tutorials...just 5 essays and 1 2000 words essay and class participation.

So just when i was about to make the last minute switcheroo, the cors system was impenetrable. Simply could not login. And the dateline was 3pm.Was drafting a complaint letter when realised they extended the deadline to 5pm instead cos i guess everyone couldnt get in and so complained.

Still, and i quote Melinda, " on grounds of irreparable, truamatic personal damage and unneccessary stress due to technical negligence or oversight" , perhaps i oughta go ahead and complain anyway.

Man, the system is extremely slow.

Anxiety and all.

Im feeling the heat already. School's starting in less than a week's time and the stress of it is just getting to me.

The bidding especially, has never been so stressful before. Im bidding for two really hot modules under the same account. I could be in trouble. So God, please help me. Please...

Cant believe my 3 months vacation is coming to an end. I need to reset my internal clock. Ive been to used to sleeping late and waking up late and not leaving my house till after noon. Now, ive got to force myself to wake up early....

I know once school starts, especially in the first few weeks, my body would have to go through a major overhaul. I will be exhausted and yawny by 7pm. That is NOT good. I think im gonna start taking my Gingko tablets. ha Ha ha.

The thing is, if i dont get enough sleep and if i dont feel recharged, i'll fall asleep each time i attempt to read my notes. I mean, like last sem. The minute i flip open a book to read, my eyelids suddenly feel heavy.

Conclusion: It all boils down to sleep! I need a newer sleep cycle. And a new study method too. I used to think that im a night owl....it worked in sec sch and JC but its hasnt for uni. Why? Because my school is on the other side of singapore, thats why. And e travelling part just drains your energy. I mean the monotonous train journey. Gargh. I need more stamina.

To think one month ago i was all psyched up for school. The reality of it is bringing me down man. Im feeling the blues!

Help me. Help me un-swish my brain..from the goo that it has become to well, eugene's brain. Ive always said i wanted his brain.

Bleaurgh.