Not entirely being

Ihavenoideawhatswrongwithme!

GARGH. wasted the entire saturday (unless you count reading 1 tiny paragraph of dev text productive). Sat was supposed to be mug-till-you-wanna-cry day. But NOOOO. I ended up day-dreaming half the time and actually dreaming the other half. I keep falling asleep and finding it hard to wake up. Like lala dream land keeps sucking me back in even though i WANT to wake up!

Why? accumulated lack of sleep over the past week? Cant be what. I havent really been doing as much as i should.
And why do i keep finding alternative(read: unimportant) things to do instead of studying?

I havent read the dev text since the beginning of this sem and i have a test this friday. I just realised that i have TWO presentations before friday. Can someone please kick my ass and motivate me to start studying seriously? Actually, im quite motivated..i just need someone to kick me. Hard.

The peeps i usually have to spur me on are OVERSEAS.
My dad (who makes me feel guilty if i dont have a book plastered to my face)
Mom (who makes me feel guilty cos she thinks im smart)
Sis (who, well, who's like my hero. bookworm mugger. she's a natural)
and my najib (who's like "you can do it la baby, just work really really hard now..etc")

IM ALL FREAKING ALONE.

Even people who take the same modules as me are not very motivating. They have their own things going on...and quite frankly, apart frm melinda, either Im not close enough to the others or i dont think they actually KNOW what the heck is going on or what the schedule's like etc that it frustrates me and i just want to throw an organiser at them. I mean really. -_- Just hurl it at them.

Ok lah. Disclaimer: My NM2219 group mates are heaven-sent, particularly Yanyan and theresa. If all Nm peeps are like this, I love NM ppl.

I miss sharing modules with Pema. I honestly do. She freaks me out and makes me wanna study. We'll both bitch abt all the work we havent done and then share this silence and then one of us will say "We're so screwed we better do smt now or we'll really be screwed."

I mean i dont have to be the one constantly on the ball and freaking ppl and myself out. Im SO tired of being the one. I want someone to freak ME out for a change.

FREAK ME OUT QUICKLY. Someone....please..

I want my Pema! MY GAWD. Im gonna cry when she goes on exchange. ARGH.

Amazing. typing abt her makes me wanna study. hahahhaa....

I think im losing it.

I hate unproductive days!!!

Oh ya, i had a funny dream today. Dreamt i was back in primary school. and i met my old pri school classmates and we were laughing, reminiscing abt the old days (note: i HATED pri sch so laughing and all did strike me as bizzare). My pri 6 teacher Mr Fun (honest, thats his name. and he isnt all that fun) was giving us a lesson.
In the dream he said smt like "Now we have new technology...bla bla" and whatever he was saying receeded into the background and we went for an excursion.

The funny bit is that in the dream, I was dead. After running away from zombies or whatever it was at the place of the excursion, I had to climb several flights of steps. Gosh, it was scary. So tiring. I wanted to give up but someone beside me kept saying "dont give up. Keep pushing. You'll be one step closer to heaven" And i felt aircon. Hmm. At the same time, i was afraid. I dont deserve it. I was so afraid that i'd reach the top only to slide down. Then, out of nowhere, there was this minibus. And we were supposed to alight at whichever stop we think we ought to. I was once again afraid. I didnt know how to gauge what i deserved. I mean, the first stop was the best...and i had a bad feeling that the last would be hell...so i didnt wanna stick ard for the last stop.

I asked the others on the bus "what happens if you get down at a stop you dont deserve?"

Nobody knew. It was more like "why dont you try to find out?"

After a few stops, i decided that i should alight soon or else i'll reach the end..which i honestly dont want to...and so i got off.....nothing happened so i guess it was the right stop. But in my heart, i knew i didnt deserve it. Anyway, that stop wasnt like "whoa...heaven" or anything. It was the same place i boarded the bus or smt. Only a little different.

ANYWAY, i woke up lah. Strange strange dream.

I think i sleep too much.

KICKS self.