Damn, I really like that simile. I think its really catchy. Anyway, felt compelled to type this post after doing my social psych readings on “close relationships” particularly this article “will you marriage last” by aviva parz. Man, after reading it, I reckon my future is BLEAK, in terms of “romantic” relationships. The article is based on a research conducted by Ted Huston, PhD. He carried out a longitudinal study on couples, tracing their relationships prior and throughout their marriage for 13 long years. This is one of the pioneer studies where psychologists strive to find the reason why people divorce. After all, in the States, divorce rates have been hovering around an astounding 50%!
Hudson found out that 1) many newlyweds are far from blissfully in love.
2) couples whose marriages began in romantic bliss are particularly divorce-prone cos such intensity is hard to maintain.
3) people in lackluster marriages might actually have a higher chance to remain married compared to their counterparts.
4) the lost of love and affection and not the emergence of interpersonal issues that sends couples journeying towards divorce.
In any case, so how does all this actually pertain to me? After all, I am single and have never been in a relationship and trust me, I do not see myself tying the knot (an amazing metaphor, if you think about it) anytime soon. So why do I feel a tad miserable upon reading the article? Because, I have a feeling that when I do meet that person, I will fall into the exact same predicament as divorcees, looking back and wondering WHY. But I know why and that’s the scary thing, I know why NOW. When I’m even barely 20.
I know my marriage or heck, even my first relationship will be doomed to failure because I have extremely high expectations. My ideal guy does not exist. And I know it. But I can’t help it. Perhaps I will be able to overlook certain peeves but eventually, when expectations fail and as the relationship gets longer, I reckon, like most of the couples mentioned in the article, I will be less accommodating. That’s where my resentment will come in and I’ll go “why cant he be like that” etc etc etc. and henceforth, the downward spiral till the eventual death of the relationship.
What’s more, I am one who craves acceptance and approval from people, especially, ESPECIALLY from my family aka my parents, 2 brothers and a sister. If I don’t get their approval for a guy, then bye- bye. You may say that when I’m in love the whole world fades away blab la bla. But that’s Hollywood baby. Being stubborn, I might overlook the disapprovals but EVENTUALLY, it would resonate in my ears and then one day, after say months into the relationship, then what? I’ll start questioning “did I make the right move? Was my family right?” or worse “I should have listened to them.”
Then there’s the bit about my ideal guy. Where on earth can such a guy exist? He who has to measure up to both my brothers and sister’s amazing achievements in life? He has to be equal or more than what my bros and sister can provide me with. And man, that’s gonna be tough. I need my daddy and mommy’s approval. Sadly, I have a feeling that nobody would be good enough for my daddy’s little girl. Even though my parents say that as long as I bring home a nice decent muslim……. come on, I know my dad. Comparisons are bound to occur. Even if they don’t, I will think it will and that my friend is what would be my downfall. MY OWN BLOODY EXPECTATION, masked under my parents’. Because beneath all that, I want him to be more than all my siblings combined. I want that.
What’s worse, considering that I’ve never had a relationship before, can you imagine what my expectations of a first relationship will be like? I have been telling myself that the special one will come. That’s its okay, I’ll be patient. Can you imagine how I’d feel if he isn’t so special after all? DISSAPOINTED. Can you imagine how hurt I would be? How discouraged? I blame Hollywood. I blame filmmakers who psycho you into believing all this fairy tale romantic notions.
But I suppose I cannot escape the inevitable. I will get hurt, I will be disappointed. And there’s nothing I can do. Because even though I have this knowledge, I know will fall into this already laid trap. And then, I suspect I will be gravely disillusioned, if I have not already.
Sighs.
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