Catharsis

Ive started studying, finally. Not at the pace i wanted it to be, but ive started nonetheless.

Ive been crying. I cant stop crying. I dont know why. Little things make me cry. Sometimes, thinking of crying makes me tear. Like now.

Im not suffering from depression. Cant be. According to DSM-IV-TR, intense sadness etc would last for at least 2 weeks.

Maybe im having a panic attack. My temples are throbbing real bad. Im avoiding my books. Im over eating.
Ive never felt so stressed in uni before. I mean i keep telling myself
"Farah, you only have 3 exams! You have no excuse not to get As for all of them..theyre within reach...dont regret...study NOW...this is your chance to pull your CAP...come on, some people have 5 exams to put up with. YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE."

:'( Why am i doing this to myself?

I just wanna go on a holiday..or sleep and dream my exams away.

But i cant. Can you imagine, that i was so desperate to be focused/not distracted, that i told Najib that i wont sms/talk/contact him till my last paper ends. I mean, i remember, before we got together, he gave me a month off. And so I thought, i should follow suit. He's been so supportive...But you know what? Ive come to realise that im so stupid. Why am i depriving myself of the very thing that makes me happy and sane? Im gonna call him tonight. I need to. Or i'll go nuts.

Im focused...but i need to breathe.

Not that i think i deserve to but I MUST. Or i wont be able to do anything..

I just want a hug.