Echo

I have a strong need for sense of belonging and acceptance. Most people do, actually. This doesn’t mean I lack self-confidence or self-esteem. I think I have plenty of those. But I crave for human interaction and enjoy being involved, having my opinions heard and so on. It gives sense to existence. Otherwise, what is the point of my sentience?

So this week, and I suppose in days preceding, my heart and mind weaved in and out of loneliness, on 2 levels (i) being butt out of discussions (ii) lacking interaction with those on the same wavelength.

With regard to (i), well, that disappointment can be surmounted by reason. Those discussions are, technically, none of my business (i.e. KPI). It was nice that I was able to provide input the last time and damn, I felt I gave compelling and rich input but it’s time to bow out and focus on my own priorities. Don’t get me wrong, I love to do work beyond my JD but if certain persons feel I am no longer needed, then well, too bad (for them). No hard feelings. I have more time to myself.

Cue point (ii). Now, this one’s tough. I find it absolutely frustrating. What is maddening is my inability to articulate why without coming off as, well, a snob. Snotty. Pompous. Arrogant.
So as a qualifier, might I say that yes, having a worthy adversary (intellectually) would be wonderful, as, well, my brain would be jolted to be more critical and so forth and team discussions would be multi-dimensional/ more flavourful . But that’s not what I’m looking at per se. How about outside of meetings? I yearn for persons with similar wavelength with whom I can have easy conversations with and at the same time can switch it up. The past couple of months, it’s been flat. Like the calm ocean flat. Nice breezy calm waters flat. No peaks no troughs. Flat. Splat.

And I have moments of boredom, quite honestly. But I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I find myself looking elsewhere. People on other teams. Even the interns. I think it’s time to venture out. Never know what gems I could find.

Hello people with sama sama wavelength, come out come out wherever you are! Far wants to play.