One year ago, I was struggling to complete my thesis. Goodness, that was a whole year ago. I One year on, Im facing a different sort of struggle. A struggle of identity. Who am I, really? What do I like? What don't I? It's THE transition, they say, which, if anything, leaves me feeling unnerved. Transition to what? What if I dont pick up the signs I'm supposed to act on? What if I'm not taking the right approach and changing such that I'll be set in my ways and too late to change thereafter? If this is the transition, shouldnt I be more worried about making the right choices? About analysing how everything would impact me before I become one of those rigid adults I fear myself to be?

I'm too harsh on myself, some say. I guess I am. But Im not one to take life as it comes. I need to be in control. I want to be in control of my own development. Which is why I've felt overwhelmed and at a lost at times since...

What drives me? What keeps Farah going? The 12th of every month, for sure. The evenings and weekends where I meet up with people, people from my past...who are a reassuring presence..comfortable...I can say or do anything stupid and they wont evaluate me because they know I'm just me.

It's true what they say. As you grow older, you make fewer friends. Instead, you cling on to the ones you've had history with because they remind you of who you were...who you still are, deep down.

Anyway, I think there's something wrong with me. I'm not as sharp as I used to be. My mind cant recall as well as it used to. Once upon a time, I could say I almost had a photographic memory. I remembered details, insignificant ones as well. Now? I was at the library yesterday trying to recall the author of a book I just read a couple of weeks back. Blank. Worse, I cant remember the title of the book. Fear gripped me. What is happening to me?

My body. My mind. My soul.