Looking at the photos posted by my peers on facebook, I feel a tinge of regret for not bringing my camera and snapping away my last week of school. Back in sec sch, jc, heck, even primary school, I would enthusiastically document my 'last days'. But not this time. I think it has something to do with the fact that I hate taking photos now. For one, miserable, shallow reason.

IM FAT.

It's depressing. I was looking back at my pictures from 3 years back and I looked so different. Even Najib was shocked.

Ageing sucks. Metabolism decreases and double the amount of effort needs to be put in to burn calories. I've lost 3 kg since last year. THREE? Despite the efforts of almost daily running (except for thesis month).

I just want to fit into my size M again. Why must it be so difficult. And as much as I love to shop, I cant help but feel miserable time and time again when I cant fit into the clothes I like. It's not easy shopping anymore. I used to look at designs, pick it out and try for size. Now I look at sizes available first before anything else. In fact, I've acquired the skill of looking at a shop from outside and knowing whether they have my size or not.

Doesnt help that salespersons can be rather insensitive too.

If I could go back in time, to 3-4 years ago, I'd tell myself: Dont listen to others. You are NOT fat. Go enjoy yourself and stop wallowing in self-pity. Look at me know? I wallow then, I wallow even more now. So stop listening to brother. For goodness sake, he calls supermodels fat. Guys like these should be punched. Maybe I will do that. The heck. If I did not love food too much and if I did not hate puking, I'd probably be anorexic or bullimic by now.

Depressing.

END POST~11.17am