I wish I had witty opening statements to make but I dont. In fact, Ive logged onto blogger countless times but I end up logging out because I just didnt feel like completing any sentence..

Eventually I would and I'd like to simply jump into talking about other things but, the thing is, I cant. How can I avoid mentioning it because it is was still is a big part of my academic life?

I handed it in late, folks. 40 mins late. But I handed it in nevertheless. I wasnt feeling the emotions I dreamt I would. That sense of accomplishment..the so called 'deliverance'..I did not get to experience that. Instead, I felt nothing and everything but not what I had been longing for.

I felt disappointment, anger, frustration at myself because I was unable to realise the image I had in my head. But I did feel, that given the circumstances, I did the best that I could possibly manage. Still, when I re-read what I submitted and thought of all the things I could have put into it..it saddens me.

Particularly because that thing is supposed to embody all that I have learnt in the past 4 years. It was supposed to mark an achievement..a milestone. I've worked so hard from the beginning, only to falter at the end. What's worse, markers/readers wont appreciate the effort that went into it. All they will see is what I submitted-which isnt a true reflection of what went into it.

But its over. And through the entire process, I have learnt a lot. I know, i know, this is the 'loser talk' but well, its true. I have really learnt a lot abt myself. And I have to say, I have more faith in God than ever before. Because I highly doubt that I would have had the strength to complete it at all had it not been for Him. Well, it might not be a fantastic piece of work, but its done, you know? I think I finally know what its like to hit rock bottom. But to rise above that because of faith.

So that's that. Alhamdulillah. I pray, that when I look back on in life, I will be happy with whats happened. Everything happens for a reason. As much as I want to sound gloomy and all, there must be a reason, beyond me, beyond you, there must be a reason why the sequence of events leading up to the thesis submission happened.

And that drives me...that reminds me that I should really just leave it to Allah. Because He has plans for me and in some ways, Im quite excited to find out what :)

Insha-Allah, I will have a bright future ahead of me. I have been so blessed by what I have now..and even if things dont turn out the way I wish it to, I think I'll be alright..as long as I submit myself to Him.

:)

END POST~10.06pm