I used to crave and horde responsibility. Now I shrug it off, run away from it, dare i say fear it. Escapism has always crept into my life every now and then but lately, I notice that it has engulfed me.

I want to engage myself in more activities but with every commitment comes responsibility. And ive let myself become so afraid of it that i choose to stand on the sidelines. I fear compromising my free time. I fear not being able to do what I want as and when i want. I fear looming deadlines and impending engagements. Underlying all these is the fear letting others down, of being viewed as incompetent and irresponsible and above all, of being judged.

The sidelines offer solace. Ive had my time in the centre of things. And so now I stand and look on, even though the currents beckon and threatens to pull me away from the shore.

END POST~10.21pm