Dodge

I am sleepy. I wasnt sleepy half an hour ago but i think i may konk out in a bit. My fingers are already weak typing these words.

Adol quiz. Entire syllabus. Intended to study for finals while Im at it since I may have no time later. Oh boy, i may have no time later. I just hope I do well...

Back ache acting up since I was spending 75% of my time sitting at my desk.
Physio appointment tmr at 11.30. Cant believe i have to travel all the way for a 15 minute appt. ?!

I am anticipating a hectic week.

I have a presentatiton and a report due for Lab in health. Total 70% of my grade.

I have a position paper and a final quiz for Eva Acad Arg. Total 60% of my grade.

Then that'll be 2 modules down.

The rollercoster analysis of data may potentially be coming to a conclusion. Thanks to a lecturer who's super savvy in stats and SPSS, our data looks promising again. :)

Im feeling a bit uneasy at having joined the new Psych soc sub committee for publicity. I joined because I wanted to have an extra-curricula activity again after a long hiatus. Actually, its been only one sem since I had a eca. Netball doesnt really count cos its recreational, plus I havent been going. But then now, I am afraid of commitment. I wont be able to skive off work and stuff cos the people in the committee and the main one itself are my friends. So then, its personal. gargh. I am not afraid to say it again. i am afraid of commitment and an increasing time away from studies...and slacking time...I am so afraid of being consumed and boiled down in the soc. I know this sounds weird and stuff but the experience in the 18th com, while enriching and stuff, showed me that i am not good at juggling my time. I tend to get lost.

I just want to be a part of it but at the same time, I want to have the chance to say 'No' to stuff assigned to me, without feeling guilty. The problem is, I dont want people to think that i sign up but then im a slack member who's irresponsible.

The bottom line is, Farah is a chao mugger who puts her grades first in her school domain. Everything else is secondary. I dont want to feel obliged, particularly, emotionally obliged to participate. At the same time, I want to have fun...and I want to be a part of something else besides classes, etc...

Sigh, whatever lah. First thing's first. I need to start serious mugging like tonight.
Im sick of self-handicapping myself by procrastination and not putting in all i can because I am afraid of failure.

I am afraid. yes, I am. But i have no time to be afraid anymore. I just need to do my best and focus on the task at hand.

One step at a time.