Tippy Toes

Ok.

So i thought telling my dad and coming clean abt Najib was a great idea. Perhaps in the long run it is. But my gosh. I feel like pulling my hair out. Now everytime i go out, he'll think im gg out with najib. Everytime im on the phone, he'll think its with najib. And worse, his assumptions are always manifested by his expression of extreme displeasure which he ostentaciously displays. I mean WHAT????!!!!!!!!

What do you want me to do? Mop around at home doing NOTHING? They dont call this the holidays for nothing you know. Sheesh. I understand your concerns. I guess this may have come as a shock to you. Well, im gonna shock you even more. Im 20. yes, im no longer a mindless teenager. I never was, to begin with.

Why is it that parents always think the best of their kids? Yet at the same time, assume that their kids are mindless people who would follow their peers? For goodness sake, im not that weak-willed.

I really thought that coming clean would mean that i'd feel better. That i dont need to lie abt where im going and with whom. But this seems to have backfired. I seem to be having to explain myself more! Take yesterday....i was calling yunxian and he thought i was having a chat with najib late at night. I mean why do i have to keep validating myself?

would you prefer me to keep you in the dark next time? I mean, for the past 6 months, keeping mum worked fine for me....at least telling sis and mom was great...telling you? Maybe it was a mistake. You'll never like any guy i bring home, would you?

And now, thanks to you, i feel guilty for my feelings towards my own boyfriend. Thanks a lot.

Worse, you had to bring up everything else. But the part that hurt me the most was that you thought that i lack direction. You thought that i have no idea what im studying in NUS. You thought that im still deciding between French studies and Psychology.

There is NO such thing as French studies. Im taking them as electives. And yes, im dropping them. But you werent listening, were you.

Maybe i'll never measure up to my siblings. You seem to take more interest in their lives than mine anyway.

Gosh, i love you but im so fed-up with you.

And how can you be so mean and quick to judge? So what if i hang out with my friends from dunman? Just because they're from dunman doesnt make them bad people. You can be so arrogant sometimes. Who do you expect me to hang out with, seriously? I do go out with my JC classmates. If it helps, they're from VJ. V. So why were you still so disapproving on sat that you had to ruin my already soiled mood? I do hang out with NUS people as well. I see them ALL the time. Yet do you take that into consideration? That the reason i love spending time with my dunman friends is cos i rarely spend time w them during term time and catching up with them makes me happy? Of course you dont.

Let go. Gripping me too tightly would only push me away. Let go.

PS: The reason im not going out with any guy from NUS is because there was NONE that i was interested in nor, more importantly, was there ANY that were interested in me. SO there. What? You want me to put a personal add on IVLE? And so-bloody-what if theyre from uni? That doesnt make them saints automatically.